31 Minutes to Silence Your Negative Thoughts Forever | Tea With GaryVee Special

0:00This is the Gary Vee Audio Experience. This morning, we had one of the most iconic moments in tea with Gary Vee history that I genuinely believe will help tens of thousands of people over the next decade as this gets populated. Sit down, get some popcorn, really pay attention. Holy shit, man. I'm fucking nervous, man. Don't worry, bro. We're friends. Like, shaking and everything. I've been watching you for like three years, dude. dude. My wife is watching. My mom is probably watching too. So what's up guys. Holy shit. Don't worry, bro. Trying to be a man, trying to be a man here, you know, bro.

0:35It doesn't take a man. A man owns his emotions. I'm a man out here talking about compassion, sympathy, kindness, and love. So I'm proud of you for talking about your nerves. I just want you to hear this clear. You can't imagine how nice that makes me feel. I'm super flattered. Awesome. I'm so glad, man. It's humbling. You really do change people's lives, dude. Like, I'm sure you know, but like, it's like to a whole different level. So I'm 22. I'm married. Um, I've been married for like three years. I just had a baby couple, like, you know, in January. So I'm pretty fulfilled in that sense. You know what I'm saying?

1:10But one thing I've always loved to do since I've been like 13 is like make YouTube videos just because like, I have had rough patches of my life when I was younger, watching people on YouTube, like, you know, entertaining people. Like, that's always been like, I'm like, wow, like, you know, it's always made me feel good. Like, I want to do that for people too. And like, my thing is like, I love cars. Like I like racing. I like, you know, building race cars and shit. Like I have a YouTube channel that I, it's been up for like four years, but I've been so inconsistent, you know, like I upload and then I delete it because I think the videos aren't good enough, you know, just like really negative.

1:42And then that's when I started watching you. I was in tech school. I feel like I went to tech school and I did all that just to prove myself and you know just kind of be like you know i'm not as bad as people think you know especially when your family says you're bad it's like kind of rough to deal with that you know it's extremely difficult so it's really tough yeah so i was like you know what i'm gonna do this i graduated with a 4.0 which i know in tech school is like not it's only a year and a half so it's not like too big of a deal but i tried my best don't bro don't undermine your success yeah i know just some people like i'm sure like oh that's not that hard but the biggest the biggest issue out of your mouth is the word some people.

2:17Yeah. Bro, you have to stop giving a fuck about these people in the comments and the ones that are watching. Yeah, that's true. I always listen very carefully. And just like you hedging the 4.0 based on some people is the biggest thing we need to work on on the next 91 years of your life. That's where you're at. We got to fix that. And when I say fix that, that feels too heavy. You need to get into a better relationship with that. right everyone's always going to have an opinion yeah no i mean that's that's 100 true everyone always has something to say just to kind of lead up to you know what i think about myself like in the sense of so like i'm a very negative person you know what i'm saying like i'm a negative nancy kind of guy like literally i wake up you're you're you're cynical like you wake up and you're cynical yes like i wake up and i'm like what can go wrong today you know because like i've tried so hard you're ready for this you're not a negative person you're a scared person uh yeah i could Yeah, I could definitely.

3:14Alexis, that's a big difference, bro. For all the people out there that are watching that are scared and fear-based and vulnerable, you're not negative. Don't demonize yourself. You're actually vulnerable. You're not negative, bro. I didn't think about it like that, actually. I never thought about it. That's why we're fucking doing Tea with Gary V. Yes, yes. That's why I'm glad to be on here because I needed to hear this. And let me tell you why this is important, Alexis. All of a sudden, when you wake up tomorrow and you realize you're not a negative, when somebody thinks they're a negative person, that's devastating.

3:48Yeah. You're like, I'm bad. No, no, you're not bad. You're hurt. Yeah. Yeah, maybe it was something that happened to me, you know, when I was younger or something, you know, it just kind of like sets that, you know, where it's like, what's going to happen today? You know, like, it's such a bad, but like, I feel like that affects me with everything I do because like when I'm making YouTube videos or like when I'm doing stuff like that, I'm kind of like, you know, like, oh, this is going to be trash. like this isn't good enough. Like, you know, and just like, I don't know. I put myself down a lot and I'm just like, my original question actually is nothing with what I'm talking about.

4:20You know, bro, this is the real shit. And like, we're here. I'm with you right now. I like this talk right now. I really, really, really like this talk right now. I think you were helping over the next 10 years. Cause a lot of people watch this video. Not when we record it, you're about to help a lot of people. I can see in the comments, you literally just helped a lot of people just in that one moment. So let's keep going. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business.

4:57The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. When you need to build up your team to handle the growing chaos at work, use Indeed Sponsored Jobs. It gives your job post the boost it needs to be seen and helps reach people with the right skills, certifications and more. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a$75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. That's Indeed.com slash podcast.

5:32Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs. I'm telling you that your self-esteem is vulnerable because to your point, you said it earlier, when your family tells you you're not good, you believe that shit. Yeah, yeah, 100%. We need to get out of that. Does your family still say that? So like, as soon as I started watching your videos, and I know you say not to do this as much, but like, I feel like, you know, I just tried to cut out negative people out of my life and just isolate myself. Like I do this a lot. I've actually never had any long-term friends.

6:05Like I've never had a friend that I can be like, Oh, I've been best friends with this guy for a long time. I think my best friend right now, I guess is like, I've known him for like a year. You know what I'm saying? Because like, as soon as like someone does something, it makes me feel negative. I just kind of like isolate myself and I push everyone away. You know what I'm saying? Like, of course. Cause you're, cause you're emotionally soft. Yeah. Yeah. I can see that. And your Mendoza line for cutting someone off is super low. Like for me, my Mendoza line's super high. Like you have to really, really, really go somewhere.

6:37And I've had a lot of things done to me. I had a friend in college who stole my Sega Genesis and I still was friends with him after I found out. Holy shit. Because I knew he was in a bad spot to do that to me. I was in a rugged college. But other people I know cut people off because they said something. Right. The reason you don't have long-term friendships is because of your own lack of self-esteem and your inability to rise above when somebody goes low. That was going to be my thing. Like I said, I've been watching you for a long time. And I know like, you know, you've actually, I was worse than that, to be honest.

7:11Like watching you has made me better, like, you know, more confident in myself and more like, you know, I can deal with that kind of stuff more. But I feel like it takes a long time too, because even in three years of watching you, like I'm still not where I want to be, if that makes any sense. Like I'm still, you know, not like mentally where I want to be and just stop being so negative. And I wish – and every time something good happens in my life, I'm always like, okay, what's going to happen now? You can ask my wife. I don't get excited when good things happen because I automatically think something bad is going to happen right after.

7:40Bro, I live with this. My father's got a lot of these similar traits, bro. Holy shit. I understand you. Is there any way I can get better at that? Of course. You just said you got better the last three years. Yeah, I feel like I have. Like, I feel like I've gotten better at like, stop fearing about what other people think about me. That's like a big thing for me. Like I've gotten way better at that. You know, you see how you've got some muscle? Yeah. How'd you do that? Oh, yeah. I worked out, played football in high school. Yeah. That's how you do this. Yeah. Listening to positivity, owning your shortcomings, accepting.

8:24that the reason I'm talking with such candor here, I'm sure some people are watching like, damn, Gary's exposing his shit. I'm not doing that. I like it, I love it, it's awesome. Because it's empowering when you own your shortcomings. If you can't own your fucking shortcomings, well then you can't talk about your strengths. What I think is keeping me here with you is my deep belief that you're on your way because it's about awareness. The fact that you have the strength to come on here with all these people watching and talk to me like this actually makes me believe that you're well on your way because I know a lot of people who don't.

9:00Yeah, I'm just like trying to like, you know, like it's such a bad thing in my life that like it's like a mental block for everything I do that it's like, man, I need to stop doing this. You need to realize that you're not bad. You grew up being told you were bad and you believed it. You need to realize you're not bad. You're scared. Right. The second you go from I'm a bad guy, I'm a tough guy. I'm a negative guy to I'm a soft guy. I'm a vulnerable guy. I'm emotionally like not where I need to be guy. All of a sudden, the way you even look at yourself changes. And then you could start focusing on building those muscles on that.

9:38Yeah. Do you get this feeling that you cut people off because you don't feel like you get into this place where you feel like they're pulling one off on you and you don't like that? Yes. Like I always think somebody has an angle. Every time someone's nice to me, I'm like, okay, what's your angle, dude? Like, what do you want from me? You know what I'm saying? Did you feel that way about me the first time you saw the content potentially? Like, what's going to be the other shoe? Like, is he going to try to sell me a course or what's the fucking punchline? Surprisingly, I feel like I didn't just because like, you know, like you were so honest that I feel like you wouldn't be the type to do that.

10:08You know what I'm saying? Like, you were just being like straight up like authentic and honest. And maybe that's because I was remote and through screen instead of real life. Possibly. You know, here's where I'm trying to get you to go. You need to get into a totally different place with your self-esteem. You need to love yourself. That's why the biggest moment of this talk was you're not negative, you're just vulnerable. That was the biggest moment. Because when you wake up and you're like, I'm scared today and I need to get less scared today, that is huge, huge compared to waking up and saying, I'm negative.

10:43I'm a bad guy. That's a game changer, Alexis. That's a game changer. Yeah. It's like hard though. Like I tried to, I really, really like, there's a lot of times where I'm like, okay, like just stop thinking like that. You know, like you got this. No, it's, you have to understand it's ingrained in you. So what you need to do is practice. What do I mean by that? The next, this one friend you've got right now for a year, the first time he does something that doesn't pop off properly, you have to fucking, you have to like email me or DM me or watch this video game. You have to forgive him. Right. Yeah.

11:18That's, yeah. That holds grudges. Bro, grudges are garbage. Yeah. Yeah. Grudges are fucking garbage. Grudges are the execution of a weak man. Yeah. No, I agree a hundred percent. It makes you just, you know, makes your life quality go down when you hold grudges. Is your wife positive? Yes. She's like the complete opposite of me. Yeah. Like, I feel like I try to put her down though. Like I'm that bad that of course you do i try to bring her you're not that bad you're not that bad bro i'm telling you right now if we change the terminology in your life shit will get good you're not that bad you're that weak you're that scared you're that soft i totally agree with you honestly like it's big i want to change your vernacular because if you do you'll be a different man yeah it's that when you're most scared you try to bring her down to your level yeah that's exactly what I do.

12:10That's why when you say you talk about like haters, you know, like trying to bring other people down. Do you find, do you find, do you find yourself like being jealous if like another guy looks at her? Like, are you trying to like cage her? No, not like that. Like I'm not like bad like that, but I'm bad in the sense of like, when she's like trying to be happy for me for something that I accomplished or positive, or she's like, don't do that. Don't do that because I'm going to, something's going to happen. And then I'm going to let you down. And and that's gonna make you feel 100%. That's my fear to let my son down, let her down.

12:39I'm always in that. Bro, listen to me. The only thing that you can do to let them down is by continuing down the path of thinking that you're bad. Right, yeah. No, yeah. I can't, I don't want him to grow up like that, being like me. I don't want him to. Of course you don't. But let me tell you, because I've watched this. I've watched this transpire, because I'm old for 44. I got some real fucking emotional wisdom. what's going to end up happening is if your child or children end up having similar DNA to you you're going to feel so bad that you're going to actually resent them and have like a worse like you'll have a good relationship with the children that take your wife's DNA and you'll have a bad relationship with the children that take your DNA because it's going to be painful to you because you're gonna be like fuck I passed that on to her or him so I'm out no I can't do You can't do that.

13:28You can't do that. I can't, yeah. Bro, I'm really proud of you. To be at this place, at this young of an age, to be self-aware enough to know what's brewing, and to have the courage to come on here and talk to me about this shit, that's game changing. When I tell you you're close, because the only thing that holds people back is hiding shit. Right, right. And right now, you just told tens of thousands of people about your shit. Yeah, yeah, it's just like that bad, dude. that like i'm like i have to tell someone that actually like you know because like i tell other people like my wife i want to say other people i mean like my wife she's just like i feel like maybe hearing it from her is not as good because i'm like of course you're just going to try to like you know bring me up and make me feel better because i'm your husband you know so of course like i feel like her answer is not as genuine maybe but it probably doesn't carry automatically think that yeah yeah listen you default into the angle the conspiracy you must love conspiracy fucking documentaries.

14:23That's where you're at. Yeah. And what's so interesting in the theme of this show is now you know why you're the one that looks at other things and tries to tear people down. Yeah. It's all the same game. I really believe as we go through this period of time in American history specifically and really in the world where hate and negativity have definitely risen. 100%. I believe that we're gonna get into mental health issues and get into, you know, parenting structures. And like, what I'm really worried about is that a lot of people that are, that think they're kind and good people are actually shaming people instead of trying to help.

15:03Right. Yeah, I agree with that. Of course you do. You're on the receiving end of that. Yes. Yeah. I think I got to like work on it more, like on a daily basis and just exercise it more. I don't know. I didn't think about it. Like I'm scared of stuff, you know, I've just thought about it. Like I'm just negative, you know, I just don't like people that much and this and that. No, no, you don't like yourself. Yeah, yeah, no, that's probably, I really don't like how I am. I hate that mindset that I have. That's right, but the good news is you can fix it. I didn't like that I didn't have muscles and I was not healthy for my heart and I changed it.

15:42And when I tell you working out and eating right did not come natural to me at all. So I changed, I figured it out. I got a babysitter, a trainer, and I figured out the system. You just have to figure out your system. Maybe you have to listen to Positivity on podcasts 24 hours a day for five years. That's right, dude. I listen to you every single day all the time. And other people too. I appreciate it. But bro, you have to watch this video every day. Yeah. No, I probably will. Dude, this is the biggest moment ever. I told my wife this is top five best things in my life. Bro, you are just perfectly cliche in so many of your actions.

16:14I see so many young people who have this framework get married early as soon as they find somebody super positive. Yeah, yeah. It's like I don't even realize it. That's right. You thirst for her. Yeah, yeah. I tell her all the time, I'm like, fuck. I wish I could be like you. I wish I could just think everything's going to be fine. And I always tell her that because it's just such a good – And instead of making it selfish and say, I wish I could be like you, maybe what you can do is make it a – You're making it about yourself when you say that to her. Oh, shit. But you might want to change that too.

16:48And this is where semantics of words matter. Maybe you say to her, what's her name? Noemi. Noemi, I admire your optimism and positivity. Now all of a sudden you're giving her a compliment because when you say to her, I wish that I could be like you, she's not taking that as a compliment. She sees that as you being selfish about what you wish. You're about you in that sentence. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I'm saying I wish I was, you know. Yeah. And what you're doing is you're subconsciously, again, saying, hey, like, feel bad for me. Right. Instead of propping her up, you're asking her for another hand.

17:28There's a subconscious guilt of, like, you got lucky with DNA. I didn't. And what's going to happen with her is she's going to build resentment for you over time. Right. Bro, I really, really believe in you. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. you know i don't normally talk about this with anyone you know i normally like i tried like i said like only with her but i was like man gary's like the perfect person to just put this on you know and just see like what you know what his response would be i swear to god on everything in my body i genuinely think you can win this game thank you man i really like it's life-changing to hear that from you you know what i'm saying like it's bro please realize that you are wound you're hurt you're not bad you're good with an injury right yeah I just didn't realize that I didn't think about it I didn't I didn't you know I guess like it's because I'm young too so it kind of like you don't think about that stuff like you know and now I'm like damn that's probably what it is maybe something happened to me you know like it just kind of like yeah and by the way don't and I don't think it's usually it's more of a systematic you know culture like it's very likely that one of your parents is exactly the same way.

18:40And instead of resenting your parent, you can feel bad for them too. This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales, using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, More time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more at Accenture.com slash Spotify. When you need to build up your team to handle the growing chaos at work, use Indeed Sponsored Jobs.

19:20It gives your job post the boost it needs to be seen and helps reach people with the right skills, certifications, and more. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a$75 sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. That's indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs. Right. You can have compassion for them. Instead of now going into a place of like, you know what? Fuck you, mom. Gary, he's right. I'm fuck you. No, no. You can go into a place of compassion because it's likely that her mom did that or your dad's dad did that.

20:00Or you understand? Yeah, yeah. You need to realize that you're strong enough to change it for everyone. digging in and drawing a line and making it a fight is going to do nothing yeah and you think like also like what you surround yourself with also kind of affects you too kind of like 100 it's why i fucking work so hard to put out so much free content i'm trying to be a positive force for people that aren't fortunate enough to have something and i have a unique communication style and a and a human element that clicks for some people that because because i think they can taste the lack of interest of anything other than the exit you know like i'm not looking for anything i agree 100 that's what i said when i first started watching your videos i didn't think like you had an angle actually like i was like holy shit this guy's like and it's i think it's because you called people on their bullshit you know and like that's what's funny you know it's funny i hear that a lot from from people and they like that you know what's funny i think even the tone of this conversation i just want to help right like i said even in three years i feel like I have gotten better you know maybe I've gotten worse actually at that I isolate people like myself from people more but I have gotten better in the sense of like you know now like with YouTube and like other stuff like that I'm more confident that I will be able to make that work you know like that's like my thing that I'm like you you need to realize that those people aren't bad or have an angle it's that you're scared because you're not emotionally strong to be let down yeah you're cutting you're cutting them out to protect yourself the way to really win quote-unquote is for you to get comfortable with being let down and realizing that's not a reflection of you right no i agree with that that's that's awesome that's like what i needed to hear i'm glad i could deliver it bro oh thank you so much man i really really appreciate it dude Lexus, listen to me.

21:53Over the next year, a million people are going to watch this video. Just remember, that means that cutting people out or trolling someone or waking up, like you're not going to be able to live anymore tricking people. You're not tricking anyone anymore. Right. Use that as a positive. Yeah. I need to change. I need to do something. Like, I can't keep being like this. This is - I'm telling you right now, what most excites me is I know you can. Thank you so much. If you knew the power and strength it took for you to be honest on this video, now living life and being okay with Ricky if he like steals your money or like says something bad about your wife and you being a bigger person, you can't imagine now trying to forgive one of your parents or an uncle or something.

22:38I don't want to dive too deep. It might be something even more extreme than just a negative atmosphere. It might be some real deep shit. Forgiveness is the fucking key to a whole new life. yeah no i i i haven't practiced that yet in my life if you know like i haven't really i'm not a forgivable person so maybe i should that comes that comes out of your own insecurity yeah forgiveness and being the bigger person and kindness is the fucking ultimate strength yeah no that's yeah i need that i need to do it i need to start doing it i really do I really do. I really do. I really think you can. I really think you can.

23:18It's why I'm five minutes late for a huge client meeting. Oh my God, dude, I'm so sorry. No, no, no. No, no. What I want you to hear is that the reason I'm this late is because I feel this moment so much and I'm also super aware of how raw and real we went and how many hundreds of people right now watching are living your exact life. And this, this thing, I genuinely believe is the seed of so much of the things that are anxious in our society. And I desperately, desperately want to be one of the forces to fucking help cut this thing out of our bodies. Yeah, no, I mean, we need it. You know, like the people that are like me, like, you know, it's like - Alexis, you have an Instagram?

24:04Yes. Because I want this community to DM you, encourage you, and I want you to make some positive friends. What's your Instagram? um it's alexis cisnero yeah right there somebody found or dustin found it i guess that's awesome holy shit he's fast all right you're at you're at 567 568 now oh thank you so much you like cars i love cars that's been my passion since i was like six years old all right 568 vayner nation this would mean the world to me i want to see this number completely fucking explode i want every one of you to dm this man something positive i want alexis please thank you so much i appreciate that so much gary man thank you so much alexis listen to me please do me one honor please listen to this whole entire thing i think it was like 30 minutes yeah often often okay thank you so much like literally work out every morning and listen to this or while you're brushing your teeth every morning every morning i'm telling you man yeah thank you so much dude i will listen to it i mean trust me this is like a huge deal to me like like i said top five like life moments it's a huge it's a huge deal for me too thank you so much holy shit like i didn't i honestly wasn't even gonna talk to you about this like i was like i had a whole different question but then i was like talking to you and i'm like damn like he's actually like as real as it gets man you know So I was like, I'm just going to lay it all out.

25:28Alexis, you helped more people today than most people ever get to help in their entire life. You're a good kid. You're not negative. You're not bad. You're mislabeled, bro. You're going to make me cry, dude. Holy shit. Bro, you're mislabeled. You're mislabeling yourself to yourself. You're a wonderful fucking human who has an injury, has a vulnerability, and has to completely address that. and change the way you talk and think and practice that. You want a real prescription? Go reach out to everybody in your phone. Go to your phone right now and look at it from A to Z and text people and say you're sorry and I love you.

26:11Damn. That takes real strength. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's some people that I'm like, dude, I would never even wanna see this guy's name again. I don't know why. It's, yeah, I need to do that. Because you're insecure. Yeah. And when you do that, if you get the courage to do it, when they reply, fuck you, understand.

26:33Compassion comes from enormous strength. Thank you so much, man. Like I said, this moment right here I think is definitely 100 % life-changing for me. This is definitely like – like I said, I've been doing better in these last three years, but I feel like that boost that I need 100%. thank you so much i love you a lot good luck thank you so much man i love you too sorry for what sorry for you being late 10 oh nine i didn't know this time this is the best nine minutes late in my entire life i'm so humbled to have this moment with you what we just did here will forever bring value to human beings i believe it in the depths of my fucking being thank you dude that's like that means the world to me man honestly it really means the world to me dude this is what i needed thank you so much gary you're welcome brother have a great day man thank you too bye-bye dustin that really matters that last one man yeah i know like that's the whole game that right there is the whole game i see in the world i feel very similar like there's a lot of people in my world that i've kind of dropped and i've wanted to reach out but i'm just afraid that they're gonna be like fuck you fuck you or like whatever loser or something like that I just don't know how to handle that.

27:49Don't do things for other people's reactions. Do them for you and for the karma. And even if they tell you fuck you, they'll always know where you stood. Because right now they think you stand with fuck you. And you might be doing a blessing for them because that may inspire them to do it for somebody else even if they don't reply to you.