How to Build Resilience and Accountability in Business

0:00I think if you have a kid that cries when they lose in sports, you've been given a blessing. And I think you should compound that, not suppress it. Teaching your kids that nothing matters is a bad idea. Leads to depression. So, it's just a game? Fuck you. You say that to me. I'm 50 right now. Bro, if someone said to me around a game of Monopoly tonight, let's say me, you, Train, who's filming me right now, and you brought a friend, and the four of us played Monopoly, and I started getting a little kooky because you made a trade that was inappropriate because, you know, Monopoly gets weird. and I was starting to get cooking a little angry and one of you were like, bro, it's just a game.

0:34I'm like, fuck you, man, this is life. This is the Gary Vee Audio Experience. I thought maybe I'd start it off with talking about men. I know right now there's just so much noise, frankly. Yes. About, talk about men and boys struggling right now and I was wondering your thought, like in especially when it comes to employment in a you know in the era when um i know you said uh you've called anyone can build an individual empire yes what what do you believe given given all of our the possibilities and um what the internet has brought us um what what do you think uh is the real reason people are checking out um in from the workforce and how can we inoculate our kids and especially boys against this?

1:31I mean there's a lot going on brother. I think, first I think there's optionality. You know, when I was growing up, when you were growing up, the, if you're 16 right now, you literally have unlimited optionality of opportunity. This is coinciding with an extraordinary moment of insecurity that has always been there for teenage-ers, let alone teenage boys, you know, 16, let's just pick on 16, 15, actually like 15 better is the number. You know, there's a time where you're like figuring out where you rack up with like interest from girls and like, you know, you're starting to definitely transition from, you know, being a kid to like some sort of other chapter.

2:19You're in striking distance of like, oh my God, in a blink, I'm going to college or not or what have you. And so, you, and unlike when we were growing up, you know, people like to blame things like Instagram or TikTok. You're seeing all this imagery, and there's unbelievable truths to things getting reshaped when the media landscape changes. When we went from radio to television, things changed. You saw Elvis Presley wiggle his hips. That was the devil to so many people. That was not something that could happen when you had just radio and print. So, you know, things evolved, things changed, the world's gotten more global.

2:57People know stuff. But you'll, how old are you brother? I'm 44. Perfect. I'm six years older than you. You know, we grew up, I grew up when I was a kid, you were a little young for this, with Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. We were aware that people had a lot of money. You and I both grew up with MTV Cribs. Right? Like, you know, and MTV Spring Break. And we saw a lot of visuals and, you know, and what I think has happened and why this is so important because I feel like I, everything that is good, you know, the reason you could pay me the ultimate compliment, which is you know somebody very well who knows me very well.

3:33And I'm a very public figure at this point in my life, which is just wild because that's not how I saw my life playing out. But the fact that like, and I get this because I know I make a lot of content and I also know my personality style, which is not for everyone, right? Like I got a certain kind of energy. I'm aware that you're surprised, pleasantly surprised, thrilled I'm sure to hear it because who doesn't like good humanity? But it's not lost on me that you're like, wow, really, Mary Kay? Like nothing? You know? Yeah. And that is my proudest thing. Like I know I was well-parented and I have all of my validation, and I mean all of it, wrapped up in being a nice guy.

4:10And I am aware that there are very few, I mean very few 17-year-olds, 19-year-olds, 23-year-olds, men in today's society who have their entire self-esteem and self-worth wrapped up in being a good person. It's wrapped up in money-making. It's wrapped up in validation from the opposite sex or whoever they're attracted to. It's wrapped up in how many points they score in a game or what college they go to or what firm do they work in or what area do they live in or how pretty is their girlfriend or wife. and more and more, how many followers they have, how much money, how much can they flash their money, right?

4:56I have a intellectual property world, a Pokemon Disney type world I'm building, and this is literally the character I'm most excited about developing, the kind warrior, right? Because I know if I can get to five and seven and nine-year-olds and talk about kindness being the ultimate strength, which is what I believe. To answer your question, I think modern parenting has lost its way. I think we've made a couple of crucial mistakes, and we're blaming it on social media because we don't like accountability. Mistake number one. I do think for boys, we got a little to eighth place trophies, a little to fighting isn't the way to resolve things, a little to like cuddly-cuddly.

5:42Like listen, I'm a mama's boy through and through. I also got into like 10 fights in school and my mom had no opinions of it. Meaning it was like, yeah, life, right? I think we've gotten two in our kids' business. You and I, again, everyone grows up in different circumstances. There's plenty of kids right now that don't have parents in their business. In fact, they need their parents more in their kids' business. But I don't know, like, I always talk about this. Forget about the 80s and 90s. The 70s and 60s, 50s and 40s, 30s and 10s, double zeros, and now back to the 1800s. The 1890s, 80s, 70s, 60s, 50s, 40s, 30s, 20s, and 10s, parents did not go to school and yell at teachers for giving their kid a B instead of an A.

6:30But that is what has happened the last 20 years. We are a, I can speak for America for sure. Obviously, I have a very global organization. I'm very global in how I see the world. I can speak for first world countries. I can speak for America and Europe. we are aging empires and we're acting like it. And so what you have is you have 22 year old boys. I mean, I'll give you another one that blows me away. There's a 25 year old, there's hundreds and thousands of 25 year old men in New York City, the concrete jungle, right now, today, who last night when they went out to watch the national championship game, everyone, I don't know when they're gonna publish this, but this is the Tuesday after the national championship game.

7:14in MLK Weekend, who literally had their mother in Iowa or Ohio or Florida or Connecticut text them at 11 o 'clock last night and say, hey, why are you still out and not home? You have work tomorrow. Because we have these tracking mechanisms for safety. We become fear-based. And these 25-year-old men think this is normal. That's what's happened, brother. I promise you that's what's happened. That last thing I said, everyone knows is true and it's fucked up, bro. We're sending boys to war at 18. The fuck are we texting our sons who are 27 because we have the family fucking plan and like knowing where everyone is.

7:59Like let men be men. And I think that starts at boys and that means no eighth place trophies. That means no blaming the referee like you lost, you sucked or to coach. That means letting them scrap a little bit and like this whole concept of not letting men, boys, address conflict with some level of microaggression is a problem. Everything is okay in small doses. Processed sugar's bad. And if like you just eat it from six to 18 you will not be healthy. But like fuck man, on the flip side, the occasional cupcake or Twix bar or you know, from Froot Loops is gonna be okay. and you know we've suffocated these boys in the last 25 years when they like are aggressive and we've just like we've given them no room to animal and I think that's what's I think we're seeing the ramifications of that brother and then what happens is they start to lash out verbally on Twitter because they didn't grow up with understanding that your words had consequences I grew up in lower middle class New Jersey and went to Martin Luther King Elementary School and lived on the wrong side of the tracks.

9:10And let me tell you something. If I disrespected an elder, I got it. And if I disrespected my mom, I really got it. And if I disrespected a homie, we were conflicting. Minimally verbally to your face, not on a keyboard. And secondarily and often physically. And we've lost some of that. And I'm not advocating for fucking whipping your child with a fucking switch. But I'm advocating for some level of balance for boys who are predisposed DNA-wise to be hunters.

9:48Brother, TT, who do you think wins in a fight? A lion that grew up in the Bronx Zoo or a lion in the jungle? This episode is brought to you by Indeed. Stop waiting around for the perfect candidate. Instead, use Indeed-sponsored jobs to find the right people with the right skills fast. It's a simple way to make sure your listing is the first candidate C. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs have four times more applicants than non-sponsored jobs. So go build your dream team today with Indeed. Get a$75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. You tell yourself, no one wants your college-era band tees.

10:26But on Depop, people are searching for exactly what you've got. You once paid a small fortune for them at merch stands. Now, a teenager who calls them vintage will offer that same small fortune back. Sell them easily on Depop. Just snap a few photos and we'll take care of the rest. Who knew your questionable music taste would be a money-making machine? Your style can make you cash. Start selling on Depop, where taste recognizes taste. I go jungle. We've raised a lot of zoo lions in the last 25 years. We need to take a little bit of our foot off the pedal. Here, here. Very much same age. Very much something we talk about all the time.

11:08And it's hard, by the way. I have a 13-year-old son. When he's sad, I want to kill everybody. But, you know, saying to him, like, hey, you work, I'm going to brag a little because that's what parents do. He's a really talented basketball player. And he's cooking. But he's got a really talented, last year he was the sixth grader that made the seventh and eighth grade team, which is unheard of in their school. First one in a decade. This year, another sixth grader made it and this kid's more athletic. My son's got better core skills. Better handle, better shot. But this kid's athletic freaky and he's making things happen.

11:46And my son's actually handling it tremendously well. They're definitely like the best player on the team that can go back and forth. But I see him looking for those moments where he wants to say he's better in the face of the game was just played and you weren't. And I feel a lot of us look the other way, over coddled, enabled bullshit. And I've been pretty disciplined to be like, yo bro, like XYZ, because I don't want to call him out, like XYZ kid, he was getting to the, like don't shit on him. Like you would have like, you know, and so I just think we need to be a little more real with, like how about, here's another one.

12:24You can be anything. You know, kids are smart. I'm shocked that people forgot when they were kids. When you're 12, 11, 9, 13, 16, like you know you can't. And then you stop believing your parents when they say shit like that. I say you can be better at anything if you put a lot of work into it, but it doesn't mean you're gonna make the NBA. Exactly, exactly. Put in your time. So I think a little more realism. You're using a lot of sports metaphors I appreciate and I think we, well, a lot of the family audience and we take it quite literally. What role do you think sports play in teaching some of this wildness, some of this conflict?

13:10It's everything. I mean, I think it's fucking, I think it's everything, which is why I went on a soapbox a decade ago and said eighth place trophies are, and I got shit on heavy at first because I was doing it when it was super accepted. Right. I take it to the extreme when my son was coming up the game if there was a kid that cried when they lost I used to like with the parents permission because you get friendly with the parents I would be like the uncle friend and be like it's good that you're crying kid like don't listen to your parents if the parents were okay with me going there I would go there I had multiple parents were happy that I was doing that for their kid they themselves couldn't do it and I would talk to the dads a lot and be like yo like do you believe that I'm because we would talk about these things.

13:54I think if you have a kid that cries when they lose in sports, you've been given a blessing. And I think you should compound that, not suppress it. Teaching your kids that nothing matters is a bad idea. Leads to depression. So it's just a game? Fuck you. You say that to me. I'm 50 right now. Bro, if someone said to me around a game of Monopoly tonight, let's say me, you, train, who's filming me right now and you brought a friend and the four of us played Monopoly and I started getting a little kooky because you made a trade that was inappropriate because you know, Monopoly gets weird. And I was starting to get cooking a little angry and one of you were like, bro, it's just a game.

14:31I'm like, fuck you, man. This is life. When I play, I'm playing for life. It's fucking Roman Empire Gladiator. So, you know, I think sports is everything but I think parents got involved. Too much yelling at the coach. Let the coach cook. Even if the coach sucks. Here's a good one. It, and I've had it, coach sucks. You know how I've dealt with it? this is good for Xander. Let him deal with a sucky coach. Because you're going to have a sucky boss. Dad's going to have a sucky day. You're going to have a sucky governor one day in your life. Get used to people that have authority or leverage over you.

15:07You're going to interact with a sucky policeman. You're going to have a sucky doctor. How about practicing how to address? You have fucking 27-year-old men throwing temper tantrums. Because they never were taught how to deal with sucky authority. Oh, I have sucky authority. Mommy's going to yell at my principal and I'm good. Like, fuck that shit. So everything's an opportunity. Adversity is the foundation of success. Adaptability is the weapon of choice of the happy. And I push that shit. That's great. If I could switch here, can you talk to me about, I mean, this is just a big piece of this, I think that I wonder, especially in sports, I think you're hitting on it, but talk to me about the humility.

15:56How do you get more of it? Can I give you one? Yeah, please. I can tell you to your face that sports is where I learned humility and it is my superpower. My mom would have not raised a humble child. I thought I was Superman. I literally thought I was the most athletic and most handsome person on earth somewhere around fourth grade. I swear to God I did. Which is amazing in some ways. but as I started to, you know, because in my neighborhood, I had the best hand-eye coordination and in my neighborhood, I was a little bit better athletically or like in the mix enough. I won a lot and then started to change and that was a rude awakening and it like, I mean, going through the journey of humility, first getting used to the taste.

16:43I don't know about you with beer and wine but like I didn't really drink beer because my mom was very Nancy Reaganed out. I was a very good kid. I never did drugs. But obviously I grew up in the wine business for anyone who knows me. And that first year or two, wine sucked. I hated it. And then it became an acquired taste, right? Like it's like, you know, I think for people it's bourbon. I think it's other things. But like humility, besides wine, humility was the taste that I had to learn to like and acquire. At first I was like, this is, I don't like this. You know? And I was like trying to find all the, it's blurry to me, but I can feel it as I'm talking.

17:20There was two things I had great. I had one thing great and one thing less great. The one thing I look for, and this is something I've tried to build up in some of my children and others in my world, fathers, pay attention if your kid opts out. If your kid doesn't want to play, it means that they're scared of losing. Almost always. And that means there's insecurity in there and you want to have that convo. You want to force them through it. in some ways. Doesn't mean they have to play every time, but you have to have a conversation every time. And a real one, and they have to get at it and tell them it's insecurity.

17:55I definitely have had that combo. I didn't have that. I had tenacity. I would lose, play again. I would lose, play again. I annoyed people, right? But I definitely, I feel it's now coming clear to me, literally in real time right now with you, I'm like, oh wait a minute. I feel like in second, third, fourth grade, I might have had excuses, you know? So it took some time to acquire that taste, but much like wine, much like caviar, much like sweet breads and truffles, some of my favorite things, oysters, that initial one is like, oh, it's a little weird. And I, unlike the things I just listed, more like wine I hated, beer I hated, and now I love the acquired taste.

18:38Bourbon I hate, too hot, hard alcohol, but now I like and can acquire. I now love humility. I love it, I love it. It got me here and now that I'm quote unquote at some level of success and I know people look at me, I love that the kids see my humility in meetings, behind the scenes, like I hope it inspires them to realize it's a beautiful trait, not a loser trait. You recognize losing is learning. I think that's where there's a sweetness to that. Brother, I'm a little bit even weirder. I like losing. I don't even like it for learning. I swear to God I don't. I like it for, I like it, man. I like adversity.

19:18I like it. I'm addicted to the underdog. I like it. I literally, any casual sports game I put on, last night, I'm rooted for Indiana all year. Because it's a good story. They've never won. It feels like the Jets, right? I found myself rooting for Miami during the game. I'm a psycho. It happens to me all the time. Someone's an underdog, then they become the champ and now I like you know or the reverse Kobe Tiger Woods Tiger early loved loved early but then I was like when he was the main guy I was like but then when he was the old guy Kobe even more because I'm just Knicks and I hate everybody else Lakers have won too much Kobe that older love like you know like LeBron I've always been a fan of because I hate Michael Jordan so much because I'm such a big Knicks fan so I've always wanted LeBron to be the guy that could dethrone him but but yeah, that's where we're at.

20:12Yeah. I like losing. I think losing. I like the hard taste. I haven't heard that before. That's a good way of putting it. I think so. Jump into something. You've said, I've heard this from you before and I use it a lot with my wife. Your kid is not your friend. Yes. I have a teen right now. I think that truth has kind of hit me hard fairly recently. 14. Girl? Yeah. I have a 16 year old girl, so keep going. All right. I think my question is really, do you, well, you've 16, this is perfect. Do you still believe that and why? Like, what's the motivation behind, like, what's the evidence, I guess?

20:54I mean, the evidence is I'm 50 fucking years old and I get 10 ,000 DMs a day and I read the content and I analyze the content. If you're not the person for your child that teaches consequences and ramifications, it's gonna be a problem. They'll learn it. Life will teach them starting at 22. Which means those, you know, fuck man. To unlearn 22 years of that behavior. So yes, of course I believe it. Because a friend is not there. A good friend is there. But that's not, we all know, right? Like great, you have a great friend who's that wise, sure. But a friend's an enabler and a support system and a homie.

21:35Right, right. Listen, supporting your child is everything. Enabling your child is a disaster and that is a fine fucking line and I believe that that is predicated on a stab. I mean, you know this, especially with women. It's been such a fun, it's been amazing in so many ways to watch the generation of women that are 48-year-old women who are straight best friends with their 15-year-old daughter. Kids are older and parents are younger. So it makes sense to me. I think it's actually beautiful. But I think there's a lot of moms who lose the plot in the beauty of the nirvana of such a gorgeous relationship.

22:20And I think they feel the ramifications later and they need to be eyes wide open. And I hope some husbands rewind this part right now for some wives. And I hope some husbands and men listen to this carefully because they have the same thing going on with their daughters or sons. And it's not a boy-girl thing, girl-boy thing, girl, girl, boy, boy thing. It's a parenting thing. I think it's a fundamental vulnerability to try to fully be your kid's child. Your child's friend. You must find your parenting moment in there. But being friendly is amazing. Being like, you know what parents use as an excuse?

22:54I want them to come to me. Okay. That, me too. But that means, like, we didn't come to our parents when they were like off the reservation on the other side.

23:09Yeah. No Gary you don't get it. I want them to come to me. I couldn't go to my mom. Yeah your mom like was treating you like inappropriately too far in the other direction. But they come to you because you're their fucking drug dealer. You're dealing the drug of fucking non-accountability. You're dealing the drug of no consequences. you're giving them a little hit of it's everyone else's fault but yours. You're giving them all the bad drugs, parents. You're giving them all the bad drugs. You're a fucking drug dealer of enabling complete lack of accountability and full-pledged entitled, to me, crack cocaine is the cousin of entitlement.

23:55And parents are the dealers. I love that. To just take it to the next, I'm wondering how that practically plays out when it comes to money. How do you teach your kids about money, the hustle, the passion, the work? Very easy. You stop giving it to them. And the question becomes when. You know, like I have a big thing of like, you know, 15, 16, 17, 18, feels in the right range. My parents make fun of me on this. Like if they watch this, they'll call me and be like, eight, nine, seven, ten. They're earlier. But man, I will say, and this is tough, because I know a lot of dads are gonna hear this, if you have a 23-year-old son who you're giving money to, you are destroying that child.

24:43They have to stand on their own two feet financially. Look, the old days, AKA the 80s and 90s, parents, kids did borrow money from parents to get their first home, but they paid them back. Sometimes with interest. Yes. We are now fully, that's like a foreign concept.

25:04Yeah. It's a really good point. Really good point. It's the biggest one, by the way, for boys. Like, I can tell you, let me just drop the atomic bomb on everyone that I unearthed eight years ago. I started getting these weird DMs and messages from guys who are 25 shitting on their parents for giving them money. I didn't understand, brother. I really didn't. I genuinely, I have the humility to say that the first couple times I read stuff that was similar to this, I was like, it just wasn't on my radar yet. Basically, because I know we're going to run out of time, let me get you all to the punchline.

25:42If you have a 27-year-old right now that you're giving money to, he's saying all the right things to you in your face. But let me tell you what he's thinking at 11 o 'clock at night when he takes his second Tito's on the rocks, he thinks that you think he's a loser.

26:02He's taking it because he wants to keep up with the Joneses. He wants to be able to take his girl on a date. He wants to go on vacation. He wants to get a nice TV in his pad. He wants to have an Equinox. He wants to have Uber. He wants to have Starbucks. But I'm telling you, you through your actions are saying to him that you don't respect him as a man.

26:24He's not independent of you. It's independence, right? Bro, it's real. Yeah. Like, I'm sorry, but like, you know, I don't think this is red-pilled or anything. Like, a man at 27 should be providing for minimally himself. Like, however humbly he lives. You know? I lived in shitty apartments. You know, like, with four friends and, you know, like, college. Because I used my money. Even in college when parents paid, you know? Oh yeah. I mean, same page, for sure. And it helped us, brother. Absolutely. And it helps us for peace of mind, not financial success. I hate, I'm aware that I'm a public businessman.