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The GaryVee Audio Experience: Episode 8 Summary
Podcast Overview Title: The GaryVee Audio Experience Host: Gary Vaynerchuk Description: A mix of interviews, keynote speeches, and discussions on marketing and business.
Episode Title Living Without Regrets: The Path to True Happiness | Picatinny Talk | #8 of 2024 Top Podcasts
Episode Summary In this episode, Gary reflects on impactful philosophies he has developed throughout his career, focusing on the balance of hard and soft skills, leadership, accountability, and the interplay between humility and confidence. He emphasizes the importance of empathy in leadership, overcoming fear, the transformative power of kindness, and the necessity of living authentically.
Key Themes and Concepts
- Hard vs. Soft Skills:
- The traditional focus on hard skills (like IQ and athletic abilities) is shifting towards a greater appreciation for soft skills such as empathy and kindness.
- Gary shares his own experiences working in his family's liquor store, emphasizing the importance of work ethic combined with soft skills.
- Empathy in Leadership:
- Empathy is crucial not only for understanding those you lead but also for promoting one's own happiness.
- Acknowledging the frustrations of team members allows for a more supportive working environment.
- Accountability:
- Gary advocates for full accountability in one’s life, suggesting that recognizing personal responsibility can lead to greater happiness.
- He encourages listeners to avoid the blame game and embrace a mindset of self-improvement.
- Candor and Kindness:
- The importance of delivering honest feedback in a kind manner is highlighted, termed as "kind candor."
- Gary reflects on his past struggles with being candid and how it has affected his relationships and professional life.
- Patience:
- Patience is described as an often underestimated skill necessary for long-term success.
- Gary notes that many failures stem from impatience and the desire for immediate results.
Actionable Insights
- Living Authentically:
- Emphasize what matters to you rather than succumbing to societal pressures or opinions.
- Engage with older generations to understand life regrets and the valuable lessons they can impart.
- Self-Reflection:
- Regularly practice self-accountability and work on emotional resilience.
- Spend time with individuals who inspire humility and gratitude, to offset the pressures of modern life.
Closing Thoughts Gary concludes the episode by encouraging listeners to pursue their passions wholeheartedly. He stresses that it’s never too late to change, grow, or seek happiness, regardless of age or circumstances.
Key Takeaways
- Work Ethic and Soft Skills Matter: Both are essential for success.
- Empathy Drives Leadership: Understanding others’ perspectives enhances leadership effectiveness.
- Accountability Equals Happiness: Taking responsibility for one’s life and choices leads to greater satisfaction.
- Kind Candor is Crucial: Honest feedback delivered kindly fosters better relationships.
- Patience is Key: Long-term success often requires waiting and persistence.
Listener Engagement Gary invites listeners to reflect on their own lives and consider how they can implement these philosophies to enrich their personal and professional paths. The episode encourages dialogue and encourages listeners to connect through Q&A sessions.
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Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Hey everyone, we're counting down to 2025 with our top episodes of 2024. Here's episode number eight. The art skills were the things that I focused on and I think our society has focused on for a very, very, very long time. The IQ of it all, the grades of it all. In athletics, the speed, the strength, the math, which is amazing because it's a major part of our world. And for me, that was work ethic. Like, you know, since I was 14, spending 12 hours a day in my dad's liquor store in Springfield, New Jersey, not too far away, was just how I grew up. I worked every weekend. I worked every summer vacation.
0:39My parents were gangsters. I don't know if you guys remember, but the last day of school, starting around middle school, was a half a day. My parents used to pick me up at that half a day and bring me to the store so I could work the end of the second day. They didn't even give me that half day. It was work ethic. And I always understood that that would do something. But as I'd gone through the journeys of my career, other things started to become obvious to me which was these things are going well for me and yes I'm working hard and yes I'm doing the thing but I have a feeling a lot of this is coming from the things that I was also gifted predominantly for my mother which are the soft skills.
1:18The things that we did not grow. How many people here by show of hands are over 40? Raise your hands. Amazing. The majority of the room. Let's clap it up for some of the youngsters in here.
1:32So what some of the youngsters in here definitely don't realize is for the over 40 year old crowd in here, we didn't talk about empathy. We didn't talk about, you know, some of these softer traits in hard places. You know, we didn't talk about that in business. It was, you know, nice guys finish last was a thing that a lot of us grew up hearing. and something in the last 15 years clicked for me where I just didn't believe that to be true. I didn't believe it to be true because I'm nice and I'm gonna finish first. And I would watch others and I started realizing actually a lot of people that had ridiculous talent who weren't nice were actually losing a lot more than they could be winning.
2:19It seemingly looked good. Back to being a big sports fan, they were winning at halftime. They were up 21-0 because they had that edge, those sharp elbows. But something became very clear to me that there was a lot of other parts of the formula to get to the highest level. And more importantly, and I know this matters to a lot of people in this room, if you were gonna lead, if you were gonna be a leader, and obviously there's leadership in business. I'm a CEO of 2 ,000 employees. Obviously there's leadership in services, both whether it's military, police, fire, like that's obvious. but every person in here will taste leadership in their entire lives.
3:02It will happen. You're either an older sibling. You know, I would argue that most of my leadership was ingrained in to me by being the oldest of two siblings especially growing up in the 80s in an immigrant household. It was different. You took care of them. You know, back to the youngsters not knowing. This is crazy. I'm about to tell you something. Back in the day we used to go outside and play. And our parents had no idea what we were doing. By the time I was seven in Edison, New Jersey, I was outside nine hours a day and my mom had no clue what I was doing. And what I knew at seven was I had to take care of my four-year-old sister.
3:42And you start learning those things. But then, even if you don't have the serendipity of being the oldest, you will lead because many people will taste the beauty of being a parent. And you want to talk about real leadership? You want to talk about real fear? you want to lead because that person that you gave birth to is the person you love more than anybody in the world and so as I started looking at the world over the last 15 years I like to think I like to observe I like watching people it started getting obvious to me that these softer skills mattered but here's where some of these skills kick in I was giving a lot of thought to like what do I want to talk about a couple things in the framework of the room we're in one thing I think a lot about is empathy right empathy is a funny word.
4:27It wasn't really talked about, like I said earlier, it's just not even a word I heard in the first 20, 25 years of my life. It's starting to pop up a little bit here, but I think it's very much misunderstood. You know, empathy oftentimes comes from a place of like feeling compassion for the other person, having feelings for them. And I think it makes sense when you're a leader to have empathy for the people that you are managing or leading. But I think for happiness, for lack of anxiety, for joy, for the journey that I want for every person in this room, one of the things to really think about is having empathy for the person above you.
5:05One of the things that I've seen bring enormous happiness to many people in my organizations, the companies I invest in, the companies that I run, and then just organizations, sports organizations, service organizations, is when you in this room, let's just do a for instance when you're working on something as an engineer here right or a physicist on something and you're working on it for seven years and you've got it finally working in real life not in the lab and then on a one hour's notice on a one second's notice we're shifting strategy and you're no longer doing that there's enormous frustration you're in the trenches and somebody in a boardroom is making a call and you're frustrated.
5:54I think about that a lot. Why? Because I think that's the exact moment where if the people in this room deployed empathy to the people above them. If you think about being frustrated with your manager or your leader or their leader's leader or their leader's leader, I don't know if you've heard, but everyone's got a boss. And the guys in this room really know what I'm talking about. Everybody's got a boss, no matter what your position looks like. And so I think about, when I come to a talk, whether the room is this way, that way, left, right, business, startup, entrepreneurs, high schools, military, it's all the same thing for me up here right this second.
6:36Can I say one thing that one person in this room has not heard in that way that makes them actually act on it to make their life better? Period. I know the framework of a lot of people's professional careers in this room and I know that disproportionately the quickest way for them to get happier day to day is to actually put them in the boots or the shoes or the sneakers of the people above them parallel to them and below them below them comes natural below them comes natural there's a sense of like okay this person's reporting to, that comes natural. Not everyone's good at it, we all know that.
7:18But that comes a little more natural. But above you, or six rungs above you, that comes hard. Because you think they should be working for you. Which is true. One of the reasons everything has worked for me professionally is every morning I wake up, including today, on a groggy day on the East Coast, I wake up and say, I work for those 2 ,000 people globally, not the other way around. True leadership is only based on that. Humility. I don't care how many things you have on your thing. Do you have the humility to know that you work for them? Easy to do it for the flag because it's theory. It's not a human being.
8:01When it becomes human it gets harder. It becomes more real. Right? All of a sudden you have to care on an individual basis and you all know this. every person left, right, below you is different. The ones that come easy to you that are like you is easy. But the accountability to deal with what's hard is the game. Leadership, I see this all the time. There's a lot of people who've gone through the journey of doing the craft and then elevating up and then having to manage the people doing the craft. That's a tough transition for a lot of people. it's a lot harder a lot of people think I didn't sign up for this for example in my industry I have all these people that run media MIT math kids out the wazoo they love their headphones and their work they come to me when they get promoted like wait a minute I don't want to talk to Sally about her being sad I'm here to run media I'm like you're not You're not.
9:09And so like, I get the transition of getting into feelings. And boy, do we love to judge once we become a leader. Back to the over 40 year old crowd versus some of the people under 25. We love to judge, Gen Z. I just want to remind all the people, this is my favorite thing going on, sidetrack real quick, I'll just go over here for a second. my number one favorite conversation in the world right now is boomers all frustrated and angry at Gen Z when they're the ones who created them.
9:47I had somebody complaining hard the other day about his son. I'm like, maybe if you didn't give him an eighth place trophy he wouldn't be entitled. Yeah. I really hate eighth place trophies. I don't even like the silver and bronze medal. I think you should leave that shit when they give it to you right on the desk. But that's another story for another day.
10:12Listen, if you leave here with anything this morning, and I want to do a lot of Q &A, I'll yap here, but I really want to get into the details of these philosophies. These are not just words to me. Accountability. Like, to me, I'm not here to do anything other than to make somebody happier for the rest of their lives. I can promise you right now, the fastest way for every person here, and I'm talking whether you're dealing with something professionally right now, whether you're dealing something with a loved one, leisure, friendship, like life. Life. The quickest way to be dramatically happier the second you walk out of here is to fall in love with accountability.
10:50This is a very interesting framework. Do you need me? Accountability, I'm ready. this is really interesting and I'm gonna say this slow because I get worried because sometimes this screws people up and actually makes them upset with themselves this is very subtle I'm gonna go accountability if somehow you can get into a place in your mind where you realize everything you're unhappy about right this second is 100 % your fault without without you then judging and beating yourself up and thinking you suck and having insecurity, let me say it again. If you can wake up tomorrow and whether you're upset in your marriage, if you're disappointed with your child, if you're not happy with your career, if you don't have enough money, like whatever it is, if you can go 100 % into accountability, you will be stunned how quickly your life will turn around.
11:53The trick that I'm trying to figure out how to communicate better is what I've noticed when I've been on this rant for a decade of like everything that you're upset about is 100 % your fault. I didn't realize how many people were so deeply insecure that that path puts them into a place where they're beating themselves up. The reason the world right now is pointing so many fingers is because everyone's judging themselves. You want to really get going? Give yourself a break. Love yourself a little bit more. Be a little bit nicer to yourself. There's not a human in this room, a human in this room, that hasn't made a ton of mistakes.
12:32We have so demonized a misstep or a loss. Back to eighth place trophies exist because we didn't want our kids to cry when they lost. The only reason I'm standing here is I cried after I lost my entire childhood. We have to be nicer to ourselves. But I'm telling you right now, if you can get out of the finger pointing business and get into the thumbs business, your life will be dramatically better. Like, dramatically. Because here's the problem. The reason everyone's on angst, the reason everyone's so challenged, is because when you point fingers, you've just admitted that you're not in control.
13:12Period. That accountability is such a powerful drug and it is something we have lost our way with. We just have. We need to get there. You can't tell me anything. You can come up here and fully explain why it's not working and I can look you dead in the face right here with your current job and I can say, quit. You could. You are in control. Unlike where I and my parents were born, you're born in a place where you can quit and you can change your career. You can move. You can do anything. And the second you start understanding that truth is the second everything opens up. Another thing I've been thinking a ton about, which is how do you balance these traits that were in the book?
13:56How do you balance confidence with humility? Really hard. Similar to what I just talked about, which is like be fully accountable, but don't beat yourself up. Another thing to think about is the power of humility. There's a lot of people in here winning and rising. unfortunately as people win and rise they sometimes get a little high on their own supply they get a little bit frothy and think they're a little special they start to lose you like that one? there's some people feeling it out there I like how some people are looking at each other there's such a danger in losing your relationship with humility there's such a danger I'm a very public figure I have tens and tens and tens of millions of followers across social media.
14:46Every time I post, I get unlimited people that leave a comment of a goat emoji that I'm the greatest of all time. I also have many people that say, you suck, you're a charlatan. Who do you think you are? Every post. A lot of my friends who've gone through this journey with me, other people who've got a lot of awareness out there, many people quit along the way. they can't deal with the negative comments. Many of you don't post anymore because you just don't want to deal with negativity. Many of you have not started posting about some of your interests. The devils who play my Rangers in this playoff series.
15:23I caught that logo. You know. Many of you have not even started your journey because you're scared of the judgment. One of the reasons that I can continue to do what I do publicly is because every time someone says nice things to me, I can't hear them. Every goat emoji I get does not register. What's important about that is if you can't hear them cheering, you can't hear them booing. Too many of us, right in this room right now, in our personal and professional lives, are doing things and acting predominantly based on the opinions of others. The amount of human beings that are living life today, worrying about the opinions, of people that they don't even like is devastating.
16:13And by the way, those people that you don't like aren't anonymous people in the comments. They're your coworkers. They're your siblings. They're your parents. You know, it's hard. It's the truth. The reality is this, though. I think a lot about this every day. You were not born for a long time. and you're gonna be dead forever. The moments we have here are small. One thing I would recommend everyone in this room to do as an action is to spend a lot more time with 80 to 100 year olds that are not your family members. If anyone here can find the luxury of maybe living close to a retirement home and providing some service to it, maybe you have a neighbor, for me, given how busy I am, I usually do it when I'm traveling.
17:09If I get lucky enough to sit with somebody or at the gate at the airport, if I find a good 90-year-old that looks like Yoda, I'll roll up on him. Start just talking. The thing all of you would realize, if you, I mean, this is really important. Back to like, people love talking about like living a fulfilled life, service, this and that. There's so many little things we can do. Like, if you close your eyes right now and think about, do I have a neighbor 80 to 100, 75 to 100 next door? The answer is many do. Like, just doing something nice, like bringing something over, flowers, cake, you know, stuff that we used to do, you know?
17:47But you're doing it for selfish reasons. Yeah, you're being selfless and doing something kind, and I promise you, and I think this will land with a lot of people, boy, does an 83-year-old that's living by themselves in an apartment complex really appreciate someone coming over, ringing the doorbell and saying what's up and giving them some flowers or a cake or something. But you're not being selfless. You're being selfless and selfish. What you're looking to do is build that relationship because let me promise you one thing. If you start spending your time with somebody that's actually lived life, 85, 87, and is not carrying the baggage because they want to actually like ras your mother or tell you what your dad's doing wrong.
18:29You know, that grandparent life is a little different. There's baggage there. You need a neutral, third-party 86-year-old in your life. You're gonna learn something real powerful that I'd like to talk about right now, which is I live my life every day completely based on what I've learned from them, which is the following. When you are 90, you rarely talk about what you did. You always talk about what you didn't do. If you are lucky enough, and if one of you get inspired to spend just a little time, six hours, 10 hours this year with a 75 to 90 year old that you don't know and you listen and you talk, what she or he will talk about is what they didn't do.
19:15I should have married Ricky Thompson. I wish, and this is a big one, I wish I did something different in my career. You know, the thing that impacted me as a workaholic and someone who's really ambitious, I wish I spent more time with my kids. That hit me hard when I started doing this in my 30s, 40s. That was like, I'm like, that's the one that, that's my danger. That's my danger. And it shifted me. It shifted me. So I ask all of you, whether you're a youngster, whether you're in the first quarter or entering the fourth quarter or anywhere in between, it's never too late to get better. It's never too late to fight for more happiness.
19:56Ever. It's never a bad idea. I watch so many of my friends at 50, 60, just wrapping it up. They're like, Gary, all the stuff you talk about, I'm done. I'm like, done what? You're gonna live to 90. You're 56. You're gonna live another 40 years. You're done? You should never be done. You should never be done to not regret. You should never be done to be happier. Something I wanna touch on that I knew I wanted to touch on here, it was my biggest emotional vulnerability professionally which was candor. A lot of you here, one of the biggest thing in this environment that people struggle with is candor.
20:34Some of you, like me, don't want to deliver candor because you don't want to hurt people's feelings. You're actually non-confrontational. You like really love the person that you're about to talk to that stinks at something and you don't want to say it. And you're like, I used to dance like a ballerina. I would dance. I had something to say to somebody. It would take three minutes and I was in there for 45 minutes like I'm Fred Astaire. I would dance, dance, and never get to it. And what did that do for me over 20 years? It led to me having very awkward firings and all sorts of, when I think back to any person, the tens of thousands of people that have worked for me for the last 30 years, the only ones, the only ones, the hundred people that most don't like me, all same issue.
21:18I wasn't able to be candorous with them and I manipulated it in my own mind of like they should be happy that they're still here because they stink and how does Johnny not see that he stinks? I shouldn't have to tell him. I should have told him because I didn't do any favors. The problem was my whole childhood and my whole early upbringing, anybody that was in my life that was good at candor was horrible at delivering it. The candor was delivered in venom and I wasn't able to take the vehicle that the candor was being delivered in separate from the value of candor. So what I did was what I always do.
21:57In the world, I market and I brand. When I realized how big of a vulnerability this was for me, I branded myself. I created a word and a structure for me to help me and that's how I came up with kind candor. When I tell you, for a lot of leaders in here, for the organizations in the back, for the organizations in the front and for everybody in between, including again, the thing I believe, which is a lot of these things are impacting your relationships and your real life, not just your professional life. I highly recommend people, especially the ones that are DNA-wise similar to me, who struggle with telling people the truth when they're disappointed in them.
22:36You must find a way to get down the path of candor. Candor has led to, the lack of candor has led to every negative thing that's ever happened in my life, singly. That's how big of a deal this is. So I impose, I pray, I push all of you to realize how big of a deal this is. But here's why candor scares me. There are many people in this room as managers who use candor as an excuse to be nasty, to razz, to manipulate. And so it's a very, very, very dangerous thing. I'm just being candorous with you to help you.
23:16You know, Gary, I'm just keeping it real. I'm like, yeah, real negative. Real manipulative. Candor is a tricky one. But if you can understand the kindness part, all of you know this. You've either been on the receiving end or you've been the deliverer of a message and you know when it didn't land. You're like, damn, that did not go the way I wanted it. It is always because of your relationship with candor. no question after watching this be the framework of my companies getting the feedback after the book's been out and just kind of watching I really believe in this concept of kind candor I really believe if you understand it if you can really deliver the challenging news with a little honey instead of vinegar if you've really got the intent for that person to win I believe that kind candor really really matters and I highly recommend you start working on your relationship with candor when I tell you when I think about competitiveness, 10 out of 10.
24:14Accountability, 9 out of 10. Patience. This is a big one. I crush patience. Everybody wants everything now, which is why they don't get what they want. Patience, 10 out of 10. Kind candor today. In front of you, 4 out of 10. Literally was a 1 out of 10 or 2 out of 10 three years ago. 4 out of 10. let me just tell you how big of a deal this is from 1 out of 10 to 4 out of 10 it's doubled my business it's made the closest relationships that I have my sister my family 3x better I just know that candor is a big one I know that people really struggle with it because it's a hardcore DNA trait and for the managers in here and leaders in here it's a tricky one because almost everybody is either too red or too blue with it when candor needs to be purple.
25:10You understand? That's a big one. I really hope that somebody leaves with that. I'm going to touch on patience before I go into Q &A. The reason most people struggle with patience is probably another massive thing that's going on in this room professionally and personally. Most people want to accomplish things financially or status-wise to impress other people and that is a huge vulnerability. The keeping up with the Joneses or how people judge them based on their money, their accolades, their status is destroying people. This goes back to 20 minutes ago of trying to impress people you don't even like.
25:50Right? So the lack of patience has been one of the most obvious things. Unlike candor, at 20, I already understood it. You know, I felt that I was gonna be a great businessman, but I spent 22 to 34 working for my dad's liquor store, building his business for him. I built his business from a four million to a$70 million business and I never got paid much money at all because it was a family business. And my dad's like, yo, what are you complaining about? It's a family business. When I die, you'll get it. I'm like, dad, you have great DNA. You're gonna die at 94. I'm gonna be 72. I'm trying to do work out here.
26:30I'm trying to make something happen. And so, you know, but it was my patience and my deep ambition to do something great for my parents who did great for me that allowed me to know that even though at 34 I barely had any money, based especially on my crazy ambitions, that I would be able to get to it because life is long. Because you can make things happen. You can build brick by brick. And so patience is hurting a lot of people here in a million different ways. People are short-cutting to decisions making decisions on short-term values versus long-term realities and I highly, highly recommend a deeper falling in love with patients.
27:10How are we doing Q &A? We've got runners? Cool. I'm gonna speak for a little bit more but I really want people to start thinking about the question they wanna ask and by the way, I know some of you may know me and they're thrilled to talk about marketing. I think about that quite a bit. You know, whatever that may be and I think about marketing not just like let's sell sneakers and soda. Marketing is how the whole world works. Communication is how the whole world works. You may want to raise money to cure a disease because your family's been affected by it. You may want somebody to be the mayor of your town.
27:41You may want a lot of things to happen. I don't think anyone here is confused that marketing and communication dictates the temperament and the decisions of human beings. And so, just two little things on that. First and foremost, if you want something to happen in the world and you're going to be the one that is trying to make it happen, and you may have lots of opinions about social media because everyone does now, it's still the platform to make what you in this room want to happen, happen, because it's free. You're more than welcome to buy television ads, go pop out$50 ,000 a spot, knock yourself out.
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28:18You're more than welcome to run an ad in the newspaper. The problem is that 80-year-old that's your friend is the only one reading it. You're more than welcome to have an opinion and on TikTok China this and Mark Zuckerberg that. You can have any opinion you want. But let me just say one thing in this room. If you're gonna be a marketer, you need to be agnostic. You need to be unemotional. You need to care about where the attention of society is, period, end of story. The biggest reason people are not good at marketing or making something happen is they have an ideology of what it should be. The kids shouldn't be on these phones all the time.
28:55They are. just to remind you you are
29:03and so on the marketing front social will continue to be the underpriced game and then something else will come along when I was coming up at the game it was email email was new kids you want to hear a good one a lot of people in this room really didn't want to have email some people I still have people I do work with who have people print out the email for them so they can read it to this day. I just want to say one thing on technology and then we'll move into Q &A. Please stop fighting technology. Technology is undefeated against your opinions. I understand you have an opinion about AI. Good news.
29:46AI doesn't care what your opinion is, Ron.
29:52Watch this. I need people to be honest. Lying is the devil. By show of hands and raise it high because usually people like to do this on this question. By show of hands, who in here was this person? You had a Blackberry and you loved it because it had all the buttons and everything. And when the iPhone came out, you said, I'm never getting an iPhone. It doesn't even have the buttons. My Blackberry is good. And now you have an iPhone. Raise your hand. Hi. This. Those hands, and by the way, this is a pretty OG crowd. I could go one generation back. There were people rolling around the world in the mid-90s with a beeper who said, I'm never getting a cell phone.
30:35My beeper's more than, I don't need people to call me anytime they want. Let them beep me and I'll call them back. And the amount of people in this room that said they would never be on social media and now they spend all their time on Facebook arguing with people. Humans are horrible at this. People said they wouldn't get the car. People said they wouldn't buy a television because the radio was perfect. People will always demonize tomorrow because of fear. Humans are scared. And unfortunately, other humans figure that out and weaponize it against us. And I'm not talking about governments, though they're very good at it.
31:17I'm talking about school. I'm talking about school telling you that if you get D's and F's, you're gonna be a loser. Meanwhile, does anybody realize how broken school is in 2023? Does anybody have children here from K to 12? Raise your hands. You know how bad it is, right? We're literally telling kids to memorize stuff and regurgitate it when they have literally the answers on their phone. These kids are chat GPT-ing the answer to writing papers in one minute. And I'm like, good. And school's like, bad. for what? School has broken us. I'm being dead serious on this. And I'm not trying to be mad at school.
31:59And don't get confused. I believe that education is the most important thing in the world. I just think it should be relevant to the world we actually live in. And asking our children to spend 12 years of their lives memorizing stuff and then re-spitting it out every three months is the most asinine thing I've ever seen in a world of the internet exists with the answers to the question on their phone at all times. These kids are disenchanted because they're smart, not the reverse. So that's just that. All right, I think it's time for Q and E. Thank you for having me. Thank you. Thank you.
32:41All right.
32:45Let's get into some real stuff. Those are the philosophies. There's many others. Some of you have seen some of it, read the books, but I'd love to go into Q &A. Let's not be bashful. I know how this goes. Just raise your hand. Who's got a question? Show me back there. Gary, can you talk about how you deal with failure with all your success? You've had to overcome failure in the past. And second question, if you could talk about where you see AI playing in society's future social? Yeah. I'll go to the second one. AI's gonna eat up everything. If you leave, there's a lot of mental things we talked about here.
33:15As a practical thing, every person here, actually I'm gonna assume a lot of this crowd has not gone into AI yet. It's new. And I'm just, I'm generalizing. But by show of hands, how many people here have not played with an AI app or an AI website yet? Like really done AI work? Raise your hands if you haven't yet. That's what I figured. So thank you. Please, please. Because a lot of the hands will remember this. You not doing stuff with AI is just like the thing you made fun of your parents for not doing with the internet. This is the internet 1992. It's that big. it's not going away and it will make your life so much better.
33:52When you're in the kitchen saying, hey Alexa, can you order me food for two friends, one's lactose intolerant, order now, boom, and that saves you 18 minutes of going to the website or calling or being on your seamless app or Uber Eats, this is gonna make your life better. Like everything, of course there'll be some things that aren't good. But there aren't some things that are good about everything. Nothing has been, like alcohol has some bad things. Right? A car, like everything has bad and good. please don't do to AI what you've done to everything else it's going to be a part of our lives brother it's going to affect everything when I say everything, everything so the quicker you get used to it the better your life will be period, end of story as far as failures, my man I fail almost every day when you're an entrepreneur you're failing I'm failing constantly how do I deal with it?
34:42By not giving a shit what you think about my failures your failures are your failures The reason everyone struggles with failures is because you actually worry about someone's opinion of your failures. If I lose, I'm playing. You think I care about somebody sitting in the stands watching me play, saying you stink? You stink, you're sitting. I'm playing. I fail all the time. The key is to make them micro failures, not macro failures. See, people don't have that definition down. I micro fail. If I macro failed, I'd be out of business, I would have a job, that's macro failing. I don't macro fail, I don't take those kind of risks, I'm too smart.
35:23But micro failing, every day. I hire someone, every day that ends up stinking. We have a pitch, we don't win. I post something that should have been great and it didn't, like I'm losing all the time. The key for everyone here to get more comfortable with losing is realizing they're valuing people in the stands judging them on the court. You're playing. You really care what somebody else is telling you about how you're raising your child? Get out of here. As if they don't suck at parenting too.
36:00By the way, this is the whole thing right now in America. We're obsessed with telling everybody everything about everything they're doing wrong without realizing how much we're doing wrong. We are in judgment city. We are in finger-pointing city. I deal with losing very easy. I just don't care what anybody thinks about my losing. Definitely not people I don't know, and not even my own parents. I want to make them proud. I love them with all my heart. I have no intent of losing. But if you're living, you're losing. And we have to get a lot more comfortable with losing. So much of the depression and anxiety of the youth today is not because of social media.
36:37It's because we as parents demonized losing. They're scared to lose. And we have to start cheering for losing. Losing's just part of the game. Name's Andre. Andre, pleasure. Thanks again for being here. I'm glad to be here. I hope I'm not alone in this, but how do folks either discover or confirm what they were born to do? I love that. There's a couple things, but how do you really discover it? Hold on to the mic. When you say there's a couple things, have you gone out and tasted and tried to go for those couple things? Yes and not fully, but. That part, second part, right? This half pregnant thing.
37:17No, really, it's a big thing in my mind. I'm really glad you asked this question. I feel that people are, this all goes back to the thing I've been talking about the whole time subtly. Stop valuing other people's opinions. The reason he said not fully is he didn't go all the way because subconsciously there's a fear that it's not gonna work out. Will this make enough money to sustain my, like most of the reason people don't go for their dream is because they don't think they'll make enough money to sustain their life. Either their family's too practical or they're insecure. There's too many variables.
37:46My big thing is I don't, this is why I want you to hang out, Andre, with a 90-year-old. You'll be more scared to not go for it after hanging out with people that, literally, when I tell you, when you hang out with the 80 to 100-year-old set, all you see in their face is regret. You know, you'll see joy and happiness, but if you look, if you look for what we're trying to learn from them of like, what did you do that I can learn from? It's all regret, brother. You will be far more scared to wake up one day and say, why didn't I go for being a piano star? Why didn't I try to be a stand-up comic? You know, why didn't I move to Sweden?
38:24Whatever it is, be a cook, be a professional video game player. Whatever it is, you will be fearful of that so much more than your sister or your uncle or your spouse or your best friend laughing at you when you stop doing what you're doing and you go for this thing. I get, I'll give you a big one. One thing I talk a ton about that, boy, I can't find anyone talking about this, is if you are in debt or if you're living a life where you're like kind of never getting over the hump, sell your home and go rent a smaller home. Sell your home and go live, the amount of 35-year-olds right now that should sell their home or stop paying for their apartment and move back in with their parents is high.
39:06They can reset, save some money, have some time with their parents, which I know is like not everyone loves that, but a lot of people would love that. A lot of people do like their parents and would love that, but their pride won't let them do that because everybody will judge them. You sold your house and now you live with your parents? You're a loser. As if that person is living, this is the whole game. So, my man, the reason you're half pregnant is something is stopping you from doing it and I promise you that something is judgment from others. And so you already know what things you want to do.
39:42Gary, I can't find my passion. Yes, you can. Every one of you can tell me what you love most. Mine's the New York Jets. Right? So what am I doing? I'm trying to build the biggest businesses in the world so I can buy the Jets and finally win a fucking Super Bowl.
40:00But everyone here knows what they like. They're scared to admit it. There's big ass dudes in here that love ballet. They're scared to say it. We all know. I will never believe anyone that says, I don't know. No, no, you're scared to admit. You're scared to go for it. And so that's what I'm trying to push for.
40:23Hi, darling. Hey, Gary. My name is Marilyn Cuevas. I have such a big fan of yours. Thank you, sweetie. Thank you, sweetie. Let's talk about fear, confronting fear, and resistance to change. There's a lot of people that have the mentality of, if it's not broken, let's not fix it. Right. We've been doing this forever. Let's not change it. This is how we got here. Yep. So, when you want to bring something new to a leader or your manager, how would you advise us to approach that and also how we face our fears. Thank you. You're welcome. So the first one's really interesting. I have this framework that we're, and don't forget, I have an agency.
41:09That means we get hired by companies and we're trying to tell them what to do. None of our clients do the full thing that I want them to do. They still think running television commercials on network TV is a better way for you to buy something, which is just insane to me. And I tell my team all the time because they're very frustrated because we're progressive. I'm like, look, everybody makes the same mistake in the question you're making. They're in the business of convincing. I'm not in the business of convincing. I'm in the business of conviction. I can't convince you up here in 45 minutes.
41:42We don't know each other like that. But boy, do I have conviction in everything that came out of my mouth. And for some of you, that might be enough. At this moment. Literally today was the only day that some of the things I said are gonna penetrate. There are people who follow me for 10 years and will email me and say, I've heard you say the same thing for 10 years and today was the day. Which is what keeps me motivated saying the same 13 things 8 ,000 different ways on every different platform. And so you have to, when you go into your next meeting, don't try to convince them. Have conviction in what you believe.
42:15Humans will feel that. Right? And you just gotta Right? It's just an everyday thing. It's the same thing of, I always think that working out is a great comp for life. Like most people just want to do eight pushups and think like it'd be all good. You know, like they just, they don't realize that it's an everyday thing. It's an everyday thing. Like everybody here can be in better shape. Eat healthier and exercise. You know the blueprint. You just, it's hard to do. Everyone's looking for the shortcut. So you just have to keep pushing, keep pushing. And then you have to go into accountability. If you're pushing every day respectfully for three years and it's not happening and it's bothering you like that, well then quit.
43:06This is my big thing. Complaining is the worst. Complaining drives me batshit crazy. Especially when you have options. Oh, you can't quit because you're getting paid$200 ,000 a year and your lifestyle, well guess what? have the humility to get your lifestyle down. If you're so unhappy at work, which is where you spend the majority of your life, then return your Lexus and drive a fucking Dodge. If you're so unhappy, don't go on two vacations that are bougie. Do a staycation. If you're so unhappy, stop buying$5 Starbucks coffee and make your 18 cent coffee at home. You are in control. So, conviction, conviction, conviction.
43:58Your boss is driving you crazy. It's never going to happen. It's eating up your soul. Leave. Because you can. Two years from pension, three years from retirement, you still can leave. Or, eat it. Because that's your strategy and you want it. But shut your mouth. If you know why you're doing it, and you're just eating it for another three years, eat it and stop complaining because you're driving us all down with you.
44:33Let's go to this youngster. Go ahead, you can go here and we'll go to you next. We got him next. Sir. Sir, Captain Durfee. So first, you know, talking about candor, I have to be completely honest and say that when I heard that you were coming, the only time that I knew of you was on YouTube's going to garage sales. I thought we were going to get really good at going to like rubbing it up. Can I say something, sir? My garage sale videos that I know people have seen, that's me listening. I was getting, you know, I would talk about my story and be like, hey, I didn't have anything either and then I saw Twitter and I invested in it and I invested$25 ,000 into it and it made X, right?
45:14And I started just getting these emails like, okay, Gary, good for you, but like, I don't have$25 ,000 to invest in the next Twitter. And I was like, cool. Let me show you what I did when I had$2 to my name. I drove around New Jersey, went to garage sales. I bought stuff in high school. I sold it at flea markets in the Shanick Station in Hunterdon County. And then the internet came along and then I sold it on eBay. Those garage sale videos that all my bougie business friends make fun of me for because they're like, you look so stupid and this and that. That goes back to the crowd. I'm like, you may think I look stupid, but I get 10 emails a week from people that had$400 to their family's name and made$6 ,000 this summer buying stuff at garage sales for a dollar or Goodwill and selling it for 20.
45:55It means a lot to me, those videos. So actually, following up with that, you talk about empathy, but then you also talk about not caring about people's opinions. How do you balance empathy with not caring about people's opinions? Empathy, thank you, sir. Empathy is having the capacity and compassion to care about other people's feelings. not caring about other people's opinions is based on being secure in your own skin and not valuing judgment they're very very easy to balance though the question's absolutely right it's all emotional frameworks for me it's the game of being selfless and being selfish you know for me having compassion and empathy like it's even the entire speaking style I have right now like to me I sit here and I'm just literally in real time right now what can I say that will bring value What can I say that will bring value?
46:44What can I say that brings value? As far as, I've also cursed four times, sir. I know there's people in here that don't like that. I respect that. I'm actually empathetic to that. If you grew up in a household or were taught a certain way where that's a horrible thing, you're not gonna like that. I grew up in Jersey, so, you know, it's a little hard for me to contain it, but I'm empathetic to the judgment. On the flip side, I'm also aware that I'm okay with that judgment because if that's what you took out of this talk, we've got to work on all the things we're talking about here to level up the consciousness.
47:19So I think it's very balanceable. I think that they're just both very hard. This is 40 years of practice. One of the great things that happened to me, parents that have poor students, let me give you an insight that's left field, truly not being talked about. What allowed me to be who I am is that I got poor grades and every teacher and every friend's parent told me I'd be a loser, but I knew I wasn't. I knew I wasn't because I made more money than everyone selling lemonade. I knew I wasn't because when it snowed, I got a shovel and rang every doorbell. I knew I wasn't because the world was telling me the truth, not the systems.
47:57And so I got practice. A lot of parents reinforced school. Yeah, this is bad, without realizing school has no impact on someone's truth in life. And so we need to think about those things. I just got a lot of practice of tuning out the noise because the noise was telling me one thing, but I was living another. I'll give you another one. The greatest thing I wish on everyone besides health is living the first 10 years of their life in a household that's extremely happy with very little money. That was mine. Because I was brought up in a way where I realized very quickly, oh, money has no impact on happiness.
48:33I grew up the happiest little boy on earth. We had nothing. I wish that on everybody because you get conditioned. you understand. And so I think a lot about these things. It's practicing. It's emotional practice. Emotional practice. We talk about physical practice. We don't talk about emotional practice. So I think it comes down to practicing. Like truly having a bad day where people are throwing judgment at you and just like knowing yourself enough to be like, I'm just gonna go golf because that's what helps me or I'm gonna watch sports because that's what helps me or I'm gonna listen to music.
49:02Like practicing. That's what I do. Every time I'm having a struggle, I push myself into something that gives me escapism from that struggle and getting conditioned and we need more emotional practice. My man. Hello Gary, Gary. How are you brother? I just want to say that I always see you on YouTube, TikTok and you inspire so many people, right? And I just want to know who's your inspiration? Who's your hero? Thank you brother. So I've always answered this question the same and I've just recently figured out how to add to it. So historically, it's always been my parents. They came to this country at 22 years old.
49:41I lived in a studio apartment, the size of a third of this stage, with seven, eight family members. Like it was rough. They worked every minute. I watched my mom raise three kids solo, doing everything for us. Like my dad used to wake up before I saw him and got home after I went to sleep, just worked, worked. There's nobody even within their realm. However, I will say this brother. there lately I've realized there is a certain other thing that inspires me to no end so I live in Manhattan and I take a lot of flights because I travel a lot and a lot of those flights are day trips so I actually take a lot especially in the last 10 years a lot of 6 a.m.
50:19flights so if you take a 6 a.m. flight you're kind of leaving the apartment at like 4 30 right and there's something that's just so obvious to me when I'm leaving at 4 30 like today would have been a perfect day when it's like dark and gloomy. And you know, I live in a city and we're going to Newark or JFK or LaGuardia. So I'm driving through the city usually to get to one of the airports. And you know, it's like 4.30 and like you just woke up and even though I'd like to close my eyes in the car, I'm up. So like, I'm just kind of like looking out the window. This is the scene that I just always, you kind of wipe off the, right?
50:52And I'm looking out the window. These humans that, this is what gets me to gratitude. The amount of people I see, you know I'll just paint you the picture that 52 year old woman that I see coming out of the subway at 4.55 a.m. with two bags in her hand and I start making up scenarios brother I'm like man she just lost her husband I'm serious this is what I do this is back to mental training what I'm training there is gratitude right this woman's it's 4.55 in the morning she's got two bags carrying shit I'm like she might have lost her husband recently. She has three kids to take care of. This is her second job now.
51:34She's doing six to nine before she goes into, you know what I mean? And it's just like that person, the people out there that grin, like bite their tongue and just put their head down to provide financially and emotionally for their family with all sorts of adversity and don't complain. That person, bro, for me is number one. No Elon, no Tom, definitely not Tom fucking Brady. No Oprah, no people that are on the gram or TikTok, not me, not those people, like the people that nobody talks about, that are the same way the military and the services and the police, foundational, that get overlooked.
52:19These people, these millions of people who just grin it. Everyone right now is thinking about a person like that, that they know of or was important to their life. The people whose shoulders we stand on in our families, not just in our world. And so I'm so inspired by them, you know? People, you know, when you're young, you're like trying to achieve, you got ambitions, you're looking up to things. One of the reasons I put out the content I put out, my man, is because for all the conversations about Rolexes and Lambos and like, those are just facades. So many of the people that have 10 million followers on these platforms, I know them.
53:00They're not happy like that. They're not content like that. That's the makeup. The people that are just really putting it out there and doing the right things for the people they love at their inconvenience, that inspires me to no end, my man. You know, I'm not impressed that I am good at making money. That was a God-given gift. I'm impressed that I'm nice to people. and so I think we have to start championing that and I think the person that's most admirable in the world is the person that is dealing with the most adversity and doesn't complain. I admire that to the end. Thank you so much for taking the time today for us.
53:41Thank you. What's your name? Jeannie Fortunato. Jeannie. So I have a 17 and 18 year old. Yes. 18 year old's in Seton Hall doing great. She's up and running. 17 year old's graduating in June. Zero direction. Yes. I'm looking to give him an elevator speech. Like, it's okay that you don't know what you're doing, but everybody's like, oh, Julius in St. Hall. What's Ang doing? I'm like, we don't know what, you know, road he's taking yet. Any advice on a good elevator speech for a 17-year-old? Yeah, really. Sure. Let's start with this. How do you feel about it? I'm fine with whatever he chooses. Do you feel like he knows that?
54:16Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, what's the problem?
54:26He doesn't know. No 17-year-old knows. He doesn't know how to handle the pressures of everybody saying, okay, your sister's in Steve. Of course. You're going, Ange. Ange needs to figure out how to not value other people's opinions. This whole thing. You need to tell Ange. It's one thing that Ange knows that you're good with it. When you see Ange rolling, and whether it's a friend, whether it's a sibling or a cousin, right? You need to, every time you as a parent to a 17 year old sees that his uncle came over and he was a little hot on it. Can you think of the three or four people that you feel are most bringing the most pressure, even though they love him, are bringing the pressure?
55:07You need to really shit on those people to Ange. I'm serious. When Uncle Don comes over, and Uncle Don is coming from pure love, he wants Ange to be good. When I was your age, right? When Uncle Don leaves, you need to look Ange in the face and be like, Uncle Don's a fucking idiot. You have to, you see what I mean? You have to decrease the value of the voices so that he can have room to feel safe. You're one place, but you're mom, right? He needs to know that all those other voices are wrong. You have to judge the judger. The thing that I do for a lot of young people is when they're struggling and I'll talk to them, they're like, da-da-da.
55:47I'm like, yeah, but da-da-da stinks at this. Or da-da-da is bad at that. or why don't you tell Uncle Don to stop drinking? I'm being dead serious. I know that's like Their opinion is none of your business. Pound it. Their opinion of you is none of your business. No, no, you need to undermine them. I know it. No, I'm really, I'm being serious. It's going to help them because that goes into too much like poster. You need to teach them. He's 17. So even though he's a kid, he's starting to go through that transition. You can teach him real life. You know, like people don't like to talk about the truth.
56:19You have like an aunt come over and cause all this ruckus, but you know the aunt was a mess until she was 40. Tell the 17-year-old that the aunt was a mess until she was 40. It really, you know, I get it, and obviously I'm trying to use some extreme examples for a giggle and to put into perspective. You don't need to tell them a secret alcoholic is in your family, but you definitely need to put things into perspective. On the flip side, and this is where it gets dangerous, you can't create entitlement. Right? And that's hard, right? So it's this weird balance of like, hey, everyone sucks, but you might suck too if you don't do anything.
56:53Right, like, when I tell you parenting is just like politics right now. We've gone way too extreme, and everybody has to get to the middle as fast as humanly possible. So it's like, hey, kid, there's unlimited people that don't know anything at 17. The world is filled with people that sucked at school and don't know what they want to do. Comma, you're not going to be laying at home doing nothing. No. Right? So you don't need to go to school, but you're gonna work. And by the way, if you wanna work at Walmart, good. If you wanna be an entrepreneur, fine. But you're gonna have to do that. And yeah, I got you because I love you and you can stay here, but I'm not giving you any money.
57:34Here's where parents get caught. They talk big game, but then they pay for the kids Uber. They talk big game, but they get them an Equinox membership. They talk big game, but one of the parents undermines the whole shit by slipping them 100 bucks quietly and be like, you can't do that. If that kid's such a big boy and he's gonna do it without school, he needs to stand on his own two feet. You can do subtle things like put a roof over his head, which is already remarkable. But parents undermine their words with their actions. So he's good. You're lucky that it's... He's a great kid, I don't... You don't worry for a second.
58:08A lot of people don't. So many kids that are bad at school are the ones I least worry about. Right? Honestly, me personally, I'm much more fearful of the great student because they're being taught to be a robot. Like to me, the kid, but where I get really scared is unlike 1985, 1996, 2000, a lot of those 17 year olds went out and got a hard job and learned it and then excelled. 2023 has got this weird mix where parents are like cool, but then like subsidize their life. You need to make him stand on his own two feet. That will teach him everything. but you could be absolutely emotionally supportive just not financially supportive.
58:50That's where parents really lose their way because then the kid doesn't understand why he needs to. I mean, we all saw this. When the government pays you to stay home more than you get to go to work, everybody wants to stay home. I'm the most motivated of all time. If the government wants to give me the jets right now, I'd understand why that would trick me. But it's not real and that's his version. Thank you. You're welcome. My name's Hanson and... Handsome? Hanson. Oh man. I thought I just met the best name ever. Go ahead brother. I have a kind of a selfish question. Please, you should. I'm a creator on the side.
59:31And I'm curious about social media trends. Yes. What are your thoughts on short form versus long form? Both work. What are you better at? I typically do long form stuff but I'm just getting into short form. Do long form and then edit. You see how I do it. Do long form and then post edit for short form to bring awareness to long form. You understand? A couple other things. It's always about organic reach. What's giving you more organic reach in the beginning? Right now, Facebook Reels. It doesn't come natural. Most people have moved on from Facebook. They don't think. But Facebook Reels for under 35 is crushing.
1:00:07So Facebook Reels, if you haven't been doing YouTube shorts, for sure, for sure. especially if your long form's on YouTube and then the obvious TikTok and Instagram things of that nature. Okay, do you see any other apps that you should? There's two apps that are in like alpha, alpha, alpha mode. Clapper, in case TikTok gets banned, I think could be a winner. And Lemon 8, which is done by ByteDance, which could also get banned but is Instagram based. Those two, but I'm not ready to really talk about them because I don't like guessing, but I'm watching. and those but you wouldn't get the reason it's not a good use right now is I'm watching to be more right to when it happens it's not happening on those two platforms like that yet whereas with Facebook Reels and YouTube Shorts you could post your first YouTube Short and it could work.
1:00:58You got it. Good brother. Hi my name's Payton. Payton. Another social media question please generated a big audience and so it's kind of a two-parter. So one, what is the number one impact social media has in your day-to-day life? And the second is how did you generate like that following from scratch? The number one thing it brings to me is knowing what all of you care about. So I don't really consume social media for me. I consume social media to understand what eight billion people on earth care about. So I'm watching. Like if I wasn't an entrepreneur, if I didn't have that, I feel like I would have ended up being like, you know those weird scientists that go to the mountains and watch ants for 30 years?
1:01:45I've got that in me. So much of everything you heard today was 25 years of observing all of you. So the biggest value it brings to me is big things like, oh my God, kids are fearing losing because of eighth place trophies. That was not like something, that was like observing the DMs from kids along the way being like, but I'm scared, but I'm scared. I'm like, why? And you just talk and you just talk and you're like, oh, right, you've never lost. Everything's been covered up. I mean, this is the craziest. Parents actually go to school now and argue for a better grade for kids. That's insane. Like, we've just done too much, too many training wheels.
1:02:27And so, that's what it does for me. As far as me, what I did well that I want for him, handsome, and everybody else is what I do really well is I make what I want to make, not what I think is gonna do well in likes and followers. So back to the garage sale, but like I knew that I would get judged by my fancy business friends, but I didn't care. I wanted to make it because I knew that it was gonna bring value. I started making wine videos. That's how I started. I know a lot about wine. I made wine videos. I'm recently starting to make them again because I miss it. It's not doing as well as my business content, but I don't care.
1:03:02and I think the more authentic you can be the more real you can be people can smell bullshit from we're all animals we're sensing it and I think the reason I've connected is people know I'm authentic and I think they value that and I think we all value that and so I would make content you want to make not what you think will do well. Thank you. Please let's give our I guess people another huge round of applause. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Hey everybody, VCon is quickly coming here, May 18th to the 20th in Indianapolis. Go to vcon.co, vcon.co for details. You will not want to miss it.
From the publisher
Hey everyone, Thank you so much for listening to the podcast this year. We’re counting down to 2025 w/ our top episodes of 2024. Today we’re listening to Ep. 8.
In this episode, I share some of the most impactful philosophies I’ve developed over the years, focusing on hard and soft skills, leadership, accountability, and the delicate balance of humility and confidence. I reflect on my journey of building businesses, leading teams, and the powerful lessons learned from observing the world and listening to those around me.
We dive deep into topics like empathy in leadership, overcoming fear, and why patience is one of the most underestimated tools for success. I also emphasize the transformative power of kindness, candor, and living authentically without succumbing to the judgment of others. Whether it’s inspiring someone to find their passion or challenging traditional education and societal norms, this episode is packed with actionable insights and thought-provoking moments.
I hope you enjoy this look back at one of our most impactful episodes of the year. Let’s keep the momentum going into 2025!