Tea with GaryVee Ep #78: From Procrastination to Progress - Real Talk

0:00Welcome to Tea with Gary Vee. This is where I answer your questions. Aaron, get on the mics. This is a question from James. I started working for my family's roofing business six years ago. We've had massive growth. Although almost all of our growth has been because of social media videos, trying a new idea is still like pulling teeth with my dad who owns the business. I have a lot of resentment because I'm 37 now and I feel like I'm in too deep to start some new. Should I cut and move on or just stay the path and hope one day he finally sees the value? Cut and move on. I lived this life. I left at 34.

0:30Now my dad let me do everything. The problem was he let me do everything and I built a huge business and he owned the business and I was getting paid nothing so my resentment was slightly different and in hindsight it was like I'm so glad I did it if he's resenting he should move on he's not in too deep you're never in too deep you're never in too deep on a job you're never in too deep on a business partnership you're never in too deep on a business idea you're never in too deep on a relationship I love when people like am I too deep? What's his name? James. James, you're 37 years old. If God willing, James dies at 87, which I would argue would be too young for someone who's 37 today, given modern medicine, he's living for another 50 years.

1:11I'm very upset about this in too deep thing. Everybody's like, I can't, yesterday, that lady I got pissed at. If you notice her question, she's like, I'd be giving up everything I've done. She's only worked there for seven years. James you're 37 you're not in too deep I talked to this is real by the way I talked to like a family member family member's friend an 81 year old woman uh over the holidays she divorced her husband of 60 years this is real she divorced her husband of 60 years and she was hyped about her life and and she didn't like I won't go in deeper but she didn't think she was in too deep to a 60 year old marriage being she was actually 79 58 years into a marriage at 69 years old she didn't think she was so deep she was now living her life she was no longer in a suppressed marriage she was seeing the world she was seeing her side of the family she was hanging with her kids she didn't think she was too deep the fuck is too deep so many of you this morning are not jumping to your happiness because you think you're in too deep.

2:24I've worked at that company for 10 years. I'd be giving up everything that I put in. What are you talking about? You're miserable. There's a 29-year-old woman right now watching who's been dating the same guy for 11 years, and she knows he's a fucking idiot. But she's been in it for 11 years. She's like, I'm 29. What am I going to go fucking on Tinder now? and like I'm almost 30 and like what am I gonna have? Like if you're in too deep with something that's wrong, you need to get the fuck out. What are you doing? This is insanity what people do, Aaron. What are you gonna double down on what you know is fucked up?

3:00You know you hate your job. You know your idea is stupid. You know you're not happy in your relationship and because you've done it wrong for seven years, you're now deciding that you're gonna do it forever? The fuck are we talking about?

3:18So no, he's not in too deep. He's 37 years old. He may not want to be starting over, but do you think it was fun for me after spending 12 years, 100 hours a week, taking a local liquor store to the dot-com leader in its industry, building a business from three to$60 million that I had to start this company in another company's conference room because I couldn't afford to pay rent? Do you think that was like fun? I give advice that I live. Alright, I'm ready for somebody else on the show. How are you? I'm good, how are you? I'm well, what's your name? Can you hear me? I can hear you. What's your name?

4:06I'm Mama Bear. I'm not officially doxed by phone. Some people have heard my name I'm in spaces. I go by, I'm Christina, but I go by Mabare because of my husband's job. I'm trying to get my mom to stream with me. My dad passed the end of January. She said, what do I have to give? Your dad was my purpose. You kids were my purpose. And now I have nothing. I just want her around me. I believe the 75 to 100 year olds are the most important group of people that should be posting on social media. My biggest plea is that we get a lot more 75 to 100 year olds to understand they have the most to contribute.

4:48In fact, I would argue the biggest issue in the world right now is that we have lost the moral compass, the civility, the grace, the sense of community, and definitely the wisdom that 75 to 100 year olds hold. And I believe that we have just lived through the era of 14 to 22 year olds that have become famous and have taken advantage of social and i believe the next group that is going to take advantage of this is the 75 to 100 year old crew i think we will have a plethora of 75 79 84 91 year old influencers if we continue to have incredible children like you pushing our parents to do this she says well what do i have to say what do people aren't gonna want to listen to me sorry my phone the good news is mama you know this the good news is everybody everybody 8 to 88 feels insecure what do i have to give what do i have to give until i mean i'm almost 50 i'm insecure right yeah i mean no makeup and here i am hello gary v how you doing mama i got a good one for you i think the way you get her going is you tell her you're going to interview her every morning with five questions.

6:05I think most people struggle to start, but if they are interviewed, they can start. I struggle to start because my ADD is undiagnosed till I was 40. It's been a challenge. And I'm, I'm mama. I actually think it's your advantage. I actually think we have ADD and ADHD misunderstood right now. Most people that break out to other humans have some level of that because it's magic. It is. It's magic. I see. I know the struggle, right? I know how hard it is. I couldn't even comprehend what I would have been diagnosed with as a child. Oh no, you and I would, we totally would have been like totally. I was standing on tables.

6:45I was selling in the back of the room. I was interrupting teachers. My friend Ken Scalfo, my friend Ken Scalfo's senior year breakfast took the mic and said, this was the, what do you remember about high school his answer was i remember the first day of the beginning of the year and in midterms when we would try to figure out like when we have new classes that he prayed that i would be in his class because i was good for wasting seven to 13 minutes of every class to cheer be me so oh my god i think i think that i sold gum in school so i get it yeah listen mama you need to tell her you're going to interview her and let me say something else about moms like your mom you need to just take full action if she does not come and move i think you need to hire kidnappers i'm not kidding i think strange men should just grab your mom throw paper bag over her head and have her show up to your house i'm not kidding i really do i just tell her i'm like mama i got your ticket you're coming this time to this time i've got a whole room set up she get we're gonna go shopping We have to go thrifting, right, to buy the right furniture for her space.

7:57And we're just going to, I'm just telling her, do life with us. She poured into us. And now my joy is to pour into her. Mama, I got to thank the Flip Raid people that just came in from the Flip Raid. Flip Raid! Flip Raid! Let's pop it up for Flip Raid. Thank you, Gary. Have a great day. Next question. All right. I have a question from Mike. My boss is forcing me to do a whatnot stream on Saturday or he says he'll fire me any advice for my first show All right, one more time. What is it? From Mike, my boss is forcing me to do a whatnot stream on Saturday. Yeah, he says he'll fire me Yeah, any advice for Mike?

8:34Yes, Mike, let me give you personal advice If you're watching yesterday, this is the Mike that's asking this question Mike a couple things For you like what's going on right now behind the scenes, right? Obviously something's not exactly the way you want it, right? You've got me Sid's hanging over you what's good is you need to I was just watching you while I was doing my show you're better than you were six months ago where you would have been really stressed it's very true you've gotten more comfortable you've contextualized things even though I know you wanted everything on the switchboard to be perfect today as soon as that one thing broke you were like fuck right and this and that but you've kept your composure in a better way than you would have six months ago I'm proud of you Thank you, G.

9:19You're welcome. Now, you take that same growth and you bring it to Whatnot on Saturday. You're right. And I mean this, Mike. I, Gary Vaynerchuk, will 100 % fire you on Monday morning if you do not do a Whatnot garage sale from your house on Saturday. I'm excited. That's going to happen. I'm excited, too. Because either I'm going to make an example of you that will help millions of people. I'll feel bad for you and I'll help you get another job. But I'll be able to use you as an example to help millions of people. Yep. Right. Because we'll clip it yesterday and then this clip and then I'll make another video and be like, he was fired.

9:55We'll show your desk. Right. Or you are going to make$913 this Saturday selling shit you do not need. Shit that is collecting dust. Shit that you forgot about. Shit that you never used. And that's going to be happy and you're going to learn stuff through it. So my advice for you is to commit to it all day. my advice is for you to start going on whatnot tonight tomorrow and looking at how people do it differently than how we do it uh start finding your inventory tonight looking around the house gathering your stuff what are you going to talk about and i'm telling you you know i said it yesterday the andy anderson to zachary zasloff dming people and then post on your social be And use me.

10:44Be like, guys, fucking Gary's making it. Can you please tune in? So you just get a little bit of action. Yep. You know what I mean? For sure. And there you go. I appreciate you. You got it, bro. All right. Let's keep going on with the show. Aaron, you're up. All right. A man with debt asks, it seems everywhere you look, you're hearing people get into things like OnlyFans and other forms of virtual sex work and making tons of money. Do you think it's a good idea to get into that to make ends meet slash gain health? I am not a fan of judging people's moral compasses unless they do something incredibly egregious.

11:19This is something where many people would judge. I struggle to judge. Do I think they should? No, I don't think anybody should do anything. Do I think that they're allowed because they're a human being and trying to get out of debt? They're allowed. If something is legal by the country standards that you work in, that is a data point. everybody here on this everybody watching right now has a different moral compass i think first it's hard i love this idea of like oh like i'll just do only fans or i'll represent only fans like it's hard everything's hard everything's hard so i personally think live social shopping i'm not bullshitting what mike's gonna do this saturday i think everybody who's watching me on whatnot right now who needs money should do a virtual garage sale this Saturday.

12:08They should literally go live with four people. Remember, they can have 50 people if they text everybody the URL to their show. If they don't know how to set up a show, they can chat GPT it. How do I set up a show on whatnot to sell stuff around my house? Like I'm done hearing excuses. Now that you have chat GPT and you have Google, you should never say, I don't know how. And they should work. And so anyway, I want everybody to do their first show on Saturday. Three months to whatnot is flooded. Yeah, MJ Designs, everything gets flooded. So if it's in three months, start now. And by the way, when it's flooded, whoever's best wins.

12:47There are people going viral today on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, and they're super flooded. All right, I'm ready for somebody else on the show. Ray! Hey, Gary, what's going on, brother? How you doing? What's up, Ray? It's so good to see you, man. Good to see you too. Can you hear me okay? I can hear you great. Awesome. First time on Whatnot. Glad to be here. I get your emails. Followed you for years, as you know. And just check it out, brother. So congratulations to what you're doing and the platform. My question to you, Gary, and again, it's just exciting to be here and see you, is what do you tell people?

13:15That's people like me, you know, in my church, my family relationships. They still ask me, do you get off on Columbus Day? They still ask me, are you looking for a job? They still ask me kind of what I do. So kind of annoys me a bit. People ask me about this. Why does it annoy you, Ray? Let's go there, actually. I guess, A, maybe I feel a bit less than when they have their jobs at McKinsey, at Pfizer. Why are you putting their opinions above yours? I don't have a good answer for that. It just feels you feel left out. Maybe you want to feel normal. I've watched your journey for 15 years. You and I grew up in that early Twitter era together.

13:52I, you know, it blows my mind that you would feel this way. I hate that for you. it's what's good about you is like it's not it's not destroying you not at all you have you have what i would call micro insecurities you know micro insecurities got it my brother i like that gary vanderchuk it's great to be right right you are one of the people that i know of the way i know that should at least be feeling this way you've been a digital pioneer you're a tremendously good man you work hard you you have very good intent you're talented and i you know i would i'd like to hope that i've earned the ability that my words about you matter probably not as much as your inner circle but i hope they carry some weight and i can tell you that i am thrilled to sit down with all these people at church and your family picnics and debate them to why i think you're better than educate the kids here in 2006 7 8 twitter when i first hit the scene that whole crew of all the personalities that were out there that were gaining followers i was so high energy so over the top so from a different angle with the wine stuff the way that people talked about me in those circles i would for a lot of those people they thought i was the most likely to be a flash in the pan because i came in so hot right when you come in hot you fade out hot yes yes yes correct you know you're right it's true i would argue from that era i've probably been the one that has most gone on to do the thing yeah or definitely in the mix and i think and i think that what i admire about you is you like me have been a good guy the whole way and a lot of those people haven't they all tried a lot of those people try to do the wrong things yeah along the way yes with their audiences so you know i don't know man like i think you're great and i think the reason that you feel that way is you're still feel a little insecurity yeah just enough to it being an annoyance thank god not a cancer yes and i think that hopefully you'll use this exact moment together to put the final nail in the coffin and be like i appreciate you church lady because you love me and i love you back like you were raised and your dna was to be conservative and safe yes and mine was be to be creative and entrepreneurial and that's a beautiful thing because we can coexist and gary you're right about that they want the safety.

16:33That's, thank you. Of course it is. That is what it is. They want the safety. Of course. Sav Toys with the big win on the Pino Lonzo Rookie. Let's clap it up for Sav Toys. Congratulations, Sav Toys. That's exactly right, Ray. They want the safety. They are more fear-based than you are, believe it or not. Yeah. And they are trying to impose their fear on you. I love it. Keep living, bro. I appreciate you. Thank you. Genuinely proud of you. And I have a lot of love for you. I receive it. Thanks, brother. Bye-bye. Erin, fire away. All right. Next question. What should my first post on social media platforms, specifically TikTok, say or look like to get people's attention?

17:10I'm wanting to share and sell my art as well as curate other art. Should I just introduce myself and what I hope to achieve with the account? How should I strategize? Yeah, that's fine. That's great. Say hello. It's not about your first post. It's not about your third post. It's not about your 19th post. It's about posting every day until the content that works, works. And then you double down on it while still keeping a small percentage for creativity and exploratory and on and on and on and on. Me and Sid and Pablo were fucking on text last night at 11 o 'clock at night debating Saudi Arabia this, Qatar this, non-users this, 36 to 64.

17:43It's a forever fucking game. I was doing this, Pablo, how old are you? 23. I was fucking doing this when Pablo was three. Now I'm here with Pablo at 11 o 'clock at night debating how to do it better. It's a forever fucking game. I don't give a shit what your first post is. Your post post on social media could be this. Hi, I'm Karen. That's it. That's the fucking post. That could be the post. By the way, that post will likely do way better than anything else you would do. I'm going to say it again. Literally that post. Hi, everybody. I'm Karen. I'm an artist. And that post will likely get more views than everything else you would do.

18:20Hey, everybody. I'm Gary Vee. And I'm an entrepreneur. Clip that. I have a funny feeling it's going to cry. In fact, here's why life is life. That might lead to everyone doing it like the all-in chat, like the ALS chat, like the bucket chat. Like that clip, which I'm going to post tomorrow, has a chance of creating an entire meme. It probably will. All right, let's go on to the next question, Eric. All right. How do you build an audience that actually cares, not just follows? By caring about them first. How do you build an audience that actually cares by you actually caring? what am I doing right now in the meta what am I doing right now is it lost on all of you that this hour could be used for bigger money making the amount of people right here right now that are trying to get to a million followers who have 613 who don't even reply to the people that leave comments on their posts now and do not reply to every dm they get which is three a week it blows my mind everybody is selfish everybody wants it for them I want followers I want fame I want the money.

19:26How do you get them to fucking care? By you caring first. Why do you think you love your parents so much when it's healthy? They loved you first. They fucking loved you first. Whoever loves first wins. Erin, you go next while they're pulling up the next person. And you can throw that person anytime and I'll play with it. Okay. This is from Josh. I started my financial services agency nearly three years ago, but growth has been slower than I expected. While I'm committed to pushing forward, frustration is creeping in and I sometimes wondering if I'm missing my window to turn things around one of my biggest struggles is comparing myself to others who have scaled their businesses much faster how do I shift my mindset and stay focused on my own journey without getting caught up in external benchmarks that's a great question um by becoming more disciplined by becoming the fact that he's self-aware realizes this is happening is huge He's clearly consuming my content.

20:18I pray. I plead. I push. I hope. I stress. I do all those things to get everyone here to stop comparing themselves to others. Comparison, envy, jealousy is destroying your fucking life. Please stop doing that. It is destroying you. Now, three years in, frustrated, he might not be good enough. Like we have to start having this conversation. Not all of you are destined to be good entrepreneurs. And he's got to try different shit. He might not be good enough. He needs to do content. I speak to everyone, content daily, content daily. Why? That's how you get new business. Do you think that he's texted everyone in his phone, Andy Anderson, to Zachary Zasaloff and said, hey, do you or anybody you know need someone in financial service?

21:09Do you think he did that? I don't. Do you think? I don't. So I've given everybody the tactic. you start a business and you want to sell shit you have to text everyone in your phone vulnerably and authentically like i showed the other day hey maybe not art for you i'm not asking for you to buy my art though i'd be happy if i didn't you know you got to be honest with them but if you know someone that loves buying art can you pass on my link like do people go from a to z in their phone to sell and do people make social media content every day to sell the answer is everybody watching right now many of them the thousands that are now watching as i look at all the numbers many of them have heard this shit for me for a decade but they haven't executed it doesn't matter if you listen to me it matters if you what the fuck i'm telling you to do savannah how are you good how are you i'm quite well where are you from i'm from missouri very nice yep um so my question for you uh which i'm super excited to be here thank you so much for this opportunity i've been following you for many many many years i'm 36 um i used to absolutely say gary v that guy like i was one of those people that was like you know early 2000 well mid 2006 2010 that era was it was it too aggressive or was i poking at things that were insecurities and like that part or was it the first thing or what was it no i think it was just the maybe the too aggressive but more so i was you know i was in 1820s early 20s so i was you know just trying to live life I get it.

22:42I get it. But my question right now is, how do you approach adapting your marketing strategies in times of personal transition or growth, especially when you feel closely tied to your identity, like your business is closely tied to your identity? I think a lot of people are about to be like, whoa, in the chat, do you know that none of my professional success is that I feel that that is my identity? Do you know that I'm completely detached from Gary V? I know that most people don't believe me right now and I think in 20 years they will like maybe when I just disappear and become a hermit and just hang with five people I think people would be flabbergasted if they I wish technology and AI could show you my feelings right now in like written form all of you would shit your pants right now and faint on seeing if there was AI that was a lie detector test that could show you all the truth and I was attached to it right now and Aaron asked me or you asked me Gary how much of your self-worth how much of your identity is attached to your professional success since 1994 the answer is almost none it's my passion I like the game of it I it's what it's my hobby it's what I enjoy to do when I wake up up until I fall asleep but I do not get validation from how many followers I get how much admiration I get how much I get validation from how people in my inner circles feel about me as a human being my parents my my family my inner family and then all the way in the last tier is the tier that's right around me the people that work closely with me who know who know and who get asked all the time what's he really like that is where i get my validation from who am i as a human being and so a that's just a fun starting point savannah to think about which is like before i tell you the second part of the question of like like you're already attached to it how do we deal with it, the question becomes, can you start the process to get detached from it?

24:55Yeah. And, and honestly, like, I don't, I don't struggle so much with that, but my clients do. And so then when I'm, cause I'm a marketing strategist and I help them with their social and business stuff, I'm in, I'm in healthcare management and I do a lot online for people, but I feel like that's kind of the thing that we run into a lot when I'm working with them is, well, well, I want followers or I want this, or I want that. But then, And, you know, I try and hone them back down to what it really is. And they're the ones struggling with them, but I don't know how to get them through that. The way you get someone through something is conviction, not convincing.

25:36What you're probably doing, which is what most humans do, is you're trying to say things to them to convince them how to see it different. the reason I think I've been effective and what I see how my mother mothered me which is what I use and how other things have worked when I've looked at it is my conviction my belief in what I believe in is what actually gets people there so what do you do for all of them you don't waver and you remind them like when I'm at wits end with someone I remind them that they are not my child and I actually don't give a fuck after giving so many fucks you know my my main strategy is give unlimited fucks and then when I hit a tipping point where I see that someone's just coddled or entitled or lacks you know um lacks accountability then I'll try an off speed pitch it's like a fucking pitcher you know I throwing fastballs, I'm like, okay, the fastballs, they're hitting home runs on.

26:39In this scenario, it means it's not working. Then I'm going to throw a 70 mile an hour curveball. My curveball, after giving so much love and optimism and push is to say, okay, we're now at a crossroads. Like if this is your client, you're like, hey, I've been talking to you about this for six months. Let me say it this way. I don't care if you don't do this, you will continue to fail. And in fact, there's a scenario where I will resign you as a client because I can see here nothing will get done the best therapists in the world fire their clients that aren't listening which is why there's so many bullshit therapists in the world because they don't fire when they should fire I don't believe that I am the person for everyone Savannah I do not believe that Gary V is the person that is going to get everyone there because some people won't accept my energy, my style, who I am.

27:34There are people who eliminate me right away because I'm a 49-year-old white male. And they were like, no, that's fine. That's why I invented VFriends. My 250 characters are going to get you there. And if that doesn't work, next. And so, you know, that's it. You know, that's it. So I think conviction over convincing is something you should try. And then some hard love sometimes. Yeah, I definitely give the hard love. So I'll definitely work on transitioning. Maybe it needs to be the other part. Maybe you might be someone who's going to hard love too quickly because I can tell you love and optimism and hope get people there more than hard love.

28:11People think hard love is the answer. Hard love is what you do when you have done sustained love, hope and optimism for years. So consider maybe you're going to hard love too soon, too. That might be something to think about. Okay. I only go to hard love after it's like fucking seven trillion, you know, like, you know what I mean? Like, hard love is last resort. Right. I think a lot of people start with hard love. Hope. Let this be very clear to everybody. The only thing that gets you out of bad places is not tough love. It is hope. It is optimism. It is positivity. and once you deposit a ton of that into someone sometimes hard love from the depositor of hope will trigger and activate all that love but until you put all that love into somebody hard love isn't going to get it fucking done yeah well i appreciate it thank you so much you're welcome savannah all right all right question from cory i just landed a dream position as a business development manager in sales, but higher pay equals higher expectations.

29:22I feel an imposter syndrome brewing, and I'm not sure why. I have done this successfully with other companies, just not at this large of a scale. It's the size of opportunity I've been praying for, but now that I have it, it feels like I don't have the confidence experience I've had in previous roles. What are the most important things I can start doing to become more confident in my current role to crush this opportunity? You should surround yourself with people and content and potentially therapy that is only based on confidence and optimism and positivity. This person is insecure. Imposter syndrome is a word I hate, as you know.

29:59It is a modern word that we use to make it feel better to not say the truth. Imposter syndrome is fucking contemporary slang for insecure. Every one of you motherfuckers on here right now who like to throw around imposter syndrome I need you to get that word out of your fucking mouth and I need you to say I am deeply insecure period we've become incredibly good in the last five years of coming up with all sorts of new fucking words to make us feel better about our shortcomings get imposter syndrome out of your fucking mouth because it is a band-aid to you solving your actual problem which is you are insecure and good news that is okay you're allowed we all are insecure in certain things i am insecure and hanging a picture in my wall i do not like to be handy i'm insecure i'm insecure at surfing and skiing and skateboarding any lower waist maneuvers i'm tremendous above the waist they have great hand-eye coordination racket sports fucking darts pool i go below the waist I'm not athletic enough I'm not coordinated enough No soccer, no fucking surfing No fucking, and I'm going to work on it That is my big goal from 50 to 60 I want to get better and more athletic And more talented below the waist Next question Alright, hi Gary Huge fan, I have so many business ideas And already working on one Should I stop everything and only focus on one?

31:34I'm afraid of missing out Both can work You're going to miss out if you don't do ideas is not doing pondering is not doing a vision board is not doing a list is not doing i don't give a fuck if she does 10 things or one thing i just need her to do got it if she picks one good if she picks two good i'm building two businesses i'm building vayner x and defense hard right now hard sometimes i do one wine library i'm also building vayner watt i'm also building fucking the vcr restaurant group fly fish little maven if you come to new york go to fly fish club or actually can't get in there you have to be a club member go to little maven everybody google little maven nyc i expect you to eat there asap people don't do because they're scared erin They'd rather say I'm working on five businesses than failing on one.

32:32Got it? Everybody's not doing because they're scared to fail. You ever watch little kids? Anybody, does anybody have kids under 10? Say 10 in the chat right now. And Adrian put up the cartoon. Your two daughters. I don't know if you've noticed. Does one of them not want to play certain games and shies away from it? Because this has been very big in my kid's journey, my sibling's journey, and my cousin, my nephews and nieces and cousins journey. There are people, watch carefully. They will say they don't want to play. They're insecure. And we need to attack that now. If you have a child who shies away from playing Monopoly, who shies away from playing soft, if your child does not want to play a game, it means they're scared to lose.

33:13It is one of the most important things to attack. It's something a lot of people right now don't understand. I'm so glad somebody just said, my son never wants to play. People don't get it. I'm telling you right now, if it is competition, if there's a winner and a loser, if there's a winner and a loser pay attention if your kid does not want to play it means they're scared you must address it how do you address it? how do you address it? you force them to play you fucking force them they're going to cry but once they learn it's not so scary to lose you address it by suffocating we must put these kids in tougher positions you know what most parents are doing now?

33:53when they see it if they even recognize it they're like oh that's okay Susan it doesn't matter anyway What the fuck are you talking about? It matters the most. Winning and losing is life. The fuck do you think is going on out here? Winning and losing is the only thing. Literally parents have said it doesn't matter. It's the actual reverse. It's the only thing. But here's the key that everybody got mixed up. Losing in something doesn't mean you're a loser. It means you understand merit. It means you understand real life. it means you understand consequences and merit and talent and circumstance this is why we have so much anxiety depression and suicide we have tried we have taught people that winning and losing doesn't matter which creates indifference and becomes entitlement and becomes blame all these wonderful moms and dads who are trying to make it so sweet for their kids are about to get shit on by these kids in their 20s for saying mom and dad you fucked me up do you know how devastating that is for an entire generation of parents who tried to make it nice parents winning and losing is the only thing