Why Judging Yourself is Never the Answer

0:00Hey everyone, I'm Raghav. I co-lead all things here on Team Gary. What you're going to hear today is a little bit of a new kind of episode that we're trying. We got the whole team together and we spent about a half hour with the team asking Gary questions that they had personally. So you're going to hear a lot of things today that you might not have heard before. So you get to hear some really good insights from Gary and you get to hear from the team as well. So hope you enjoy. Let us know what you think. This is the Gary Vee audio experience. I am passionate about more than one thing, a lot of things.

0:35I love music, I love marketing. I want to spend time with my family, have a social life. I want to relax at the same time, just like do nothing for 20 minutes or something. How do I do everything and still be present in the moment? And especially because it's like being creative with my music is one thing, being like this marketing person with numbers is one thing. I get it. Yeah. I have the answer for you, Sean, from one man's point of view, by not judging yourself.

1:17Like the thought, it's kind of like right now, I don't know if you guys can tell I'm losing some weight. I'm feeling pretty good about myself. like I've got very good clarity on what I need to do with protein versus carbs, how many calories a day I need to intake. But, you know, if I, I'm very, you know, a good muffin in the morning or donut or croissant can, like soft carbs can trick me. And like, you know, a week and a half ago, I just bought a blueberry muffin in the morning when that was really not part of the strategy. i'm in a place historically in my life with health and wellness that muffin could have been the beginning of me completely unraveling right it's like oh i did the wrong thing and see ya one of the reasons i tell a lot of you on this call like don't let this one bad moment define you as fully like own it be accountable to it but move on is because i understand it from a a health and wellness standpoint.

2:19There are times when the muffin sends me off to gaining 10 more pounds, because now I did the wrong thing and away I go. And this time, because I'm really locked in right now, it was like, oh, that was nice. I got to enjoy that. Let me tighten up tomorrow a little bit. And it didn't derail me. The way, what you're doing, I mean, what you just dropped on me is why so many people are anxious and unhappy. Because they're judging themselves. This fucking concept of like, Like how am I, like the words that the world has introduced are fucking ridiculous. Let me ask you guys all a question. You're supposed to be present in every second of your life.

2:58What the fuck, that's not human. Like you're out with your boyfriend or you're out with your mom and your mind is wandering to work or something you're interested in. Like that made you a bad person. These standards, People are completely confused to why we have so much depression and suicide. It is not social media. It is the standards we've decided to live up to for no fucking reason.

3:29We do not give ourselves enough grace. We do not have a proper relationship with ourselves collectively on judgment. I've made 47 ,000 million trillion mistakes. It does not define me. So to answer your question, brother, just do them. And stop analyzing yourself and do them in different patterns. Sometimes your balance subjectively is good. You're happy with yourself about music and marketing and family and relaxation. And other times you just got on this music kick where for three months, you're 24 seven music. You're not doing good enough job for us. You're not seeing your family. You haven't relaxed for shit.

4:11and guess what that's super fucking okay yeah you might get fired but you know other than that it's fine and a follow-up to that is like you know what is like how do you be ambitious and still not care about the result like i love doing what i do 24 hours a day i love it like i'm making music i mean i mean i did it i've done it i live it it's called patience it's why i talk about it so much I love when you guys know this. You see the content where people make fun of me for telling people they've got time or this. They act, you know, when they try to make a smart argument, they're like, Gary is telling people to be lazy or entitled or overly patient or non-action oriented.

5:00I think every one of you know here, I'm the most action oriented human on fucking earth. I fucking work every second. I'm productive every minute. Like, but I just, you know, the answer to your question, brother, is by realizing you're a fucking child and you have unlimited time. And I'm gonna say it again. Can you make the screen so I can see everyone? This is important for me. I just have a quick question. By show of hands, how many of you are under 34 years old? Raise your hands. Under 34.

5:31Oh, look, everyone. To remind all of you, at 34 years old, I worked in a liquor store.

5:42I worked in a liquor store and built a business for my father and made less money than all of you prorated.

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6:40Thank you. You're welcome. Hey Gary. I have a question, kind of like a little bit of info before. So we recently talked about Stanley and Spider-Man, and when he first came up with Spider-Man, his publisher, in an interview he said, his publisher told him it was the worst idea in history because superheroes aren't supposed to have personal problems. that's right and then in a recent interview kind of tying back to what you said um you said that your embarrassment is your advantage and i kind of wanted you to dive into that a little bit more with the framework of like advice for people who are in a situation or they have an idea that feels embarrassing yeah it's i mean all of you all of you and when i say all of you i'm talking to the world but you want all of you on this call included you all say you love authenticity Do you love authenticity?

7:32Yeah, we want that. And then nobody does it. So, Sammy, the punchline is, my belief is that people's disadvantages are their advantages is because I know it to be true because I know humans are actually attracted to true authenticity and actually despise people that are full of shit. and people that love you or even like you won't tell you to your face that you're full of shit but they know i tell people this all the time people know a lot of people here are trying to disguise things you're not confusing anyone people are just either giving you grace or just kind of like building resentment towards you because they can't communicate that you suck or you this or you're that so you know sam i view it as a very very logical thing it is very clear to me that a lot of my personal success publicly is based on being authentic.

8:33Many of you have gone through the following journey. You knew who I was before you got here and then you got closer and I was even better in real life than on TV. In a world where a lot of you also know that's normally not the case. and i'm not special there are many people that are authentic and i just think that people's embarrassments are their jails whatever you're most ashamed of is your biggest issue right now not because of what you are ashamed of but because of what it's doing to the way you're navigating your life vulnerability is a huge huge strength and almost everyone sees it as a weakness but vulnerability with accountability is the framework vulnerability with blame is bitch shit i'm an alcoholic because my mom

9:34the thing that everyone's struggling to understand is that everyone with the right circumstances has the strength to fix all of their extreme shortcomings. Now, the right circumstances may be therapy, it might be medication. I believe a stunning percentage of people is based on who they spend time with and what they consume.

10:01Stunning percentage.

10:07So, yeah. I mean, Peter Parker having a dead uncle and taking care of Aunt May and being a scrawny teenager. In the 60s, they thought that was weakness. It ended up being the thing we most of us associated with, which is why he's the most popular superhero. Because on the record, none of us are a superhero. So no shit, we love someone that's not a superhero. Court? Hey, G. I have a little bit of a different topic of a question. but it's on live streaming and live shopping. On Twitch, a creator monetizes through gifted subs or bits and chat, et cetera. And that essentially turns the creator into the product.

10:48And in live shopping, there's an actual product between the creator and the consumer that can take away the consumer's attention from the creator. How does that change the relationship between the consumer and the streamer? How does it allow upcoming live shopping hosts to set themselves apart by building a personal brand? Yeah, there's a lot there. So you're right, they're two very different things. One, I think they will collide into each other. I believe over the next decade, you'll see the Kai's and the Kai's and the Aiden, like they'll get into more selling product because it's just gonna be a natural.

11:24It's kind of like brand deals for creators. Like I watched it go from no one did it to everyone was potentially willing to do it. I think that you're very close to this. when I'm doing live shopping, I'm doing, even with Tea with Gary, like you could see, I talk a lot about commerce attainment. I think this is gonna collide into each other. Some people are gonna be able to handle both. Some people will never be able to handle both. They're either gonna be just a pure salesman with no ability to get the world to like them or be interested in them. And there'll be other people who are incredible streamers who don't have any prayer of selling shit because it's just not in them.

12:03but I think you will see the combination of those two worlds. I do think live sellers should be way more like streamers. And I think streamers don't have to be as much like live sellers because there's other ways to monetize. But if they love selling like me, it's perfect. So it's a self-awareness game of both of those. And I think you'll see a lot of people that are capable of blending the two skills. I do think the sellers, the more they can actually be humans, creators, influencers, personalities, it will help their selling. Because if you're just like$3.99,$3.99, obviously if you upgrade product, that will work.

12:43But there is no emotional attachment to a pure salesperson. There's just need of product. Whereas if you can get to personal, as you know, many people buy VFriends comic books because they personally have been affected by me and it's a thank you to me. And what's really interesting about live shopping is to your point, one of the arguments I've made that people continue to not see is the reason live shopping was inevitable was the reason gifted subs and gifted animations work in live streaming. People are paying as a thank you for the entertainment. I am a fan of you, XYZ streamer. thus I'm going to buy my subscription.

13:29Yeah, annoying ads, all that. But all the gifts you can buy them that are virtual, that is pure giving a$20 bill to the piano player at the restaurant while you were eating. And that hasn't even begun to be what it can be as a business and a monetizable event.

13:56Hey, G. So I have a question. If you are the person that like most people around you rely on you, let's say like emotionally and financially to support them and solve their problems and you feel good about it, like because you like doing it, but there are moments when you are also tired and you don't want to deal with other people's problems. How do you deal with that to not feel like guilty about like just rejecting someone or not like solving their problems? Mano, can I tell you something? Yes. I'm curious how many questions I've been asked in my life at this point. I feel like it could be millions.

14:38I'm not sure if anyone in my life, in any podcast, in any one-on-one conversation has has asked me a more direct question of what my actual life is about than the one you just asked.

14:55I can only speak for myself. I haven't been able to get to the place where my own problems or issues took all the fuel and I didn't have some for the people I cared about. But I can tell you very much, I have absolutely dealt with internal resentment to all those people. You know, it's so unusual to be both the emotional and financial beacon of your entire universe. It is rare. So, you know, usually someone can get away with being one or the other. I have lived a life of being both. I just am so grateful that I have so much energy and capacity to be able to deliver. And even though I know I live in superhero syndrome, funny with what Sammy just asked me, even though I live with superhero syndrome and think I can save the day all the time, I'm aware that I can't, even though it feels like I have.

15:59And what I've worked on is accountability. Even I, the great yeller of society of be accountable, had to realize in my 30s and 40s, hey, wait a minute. People are not making you be the superhero. Yes, they are asking, but it's only because they're in distress. If Superman or Batman want to sleep in when the bat signal goes up for a day, they're allowed. And so once I understood that this was 100 % my and my resentment towards my inner circle was my doing not theirs. When I really went there, it took my fuel level from a half empty tank to almost always full now. Because to your point, you asked the most important part in there, you said, and you enjoy being it and doing it.

16:56That is superhero syndrome. As long as you can get into a place of it's your 100, that anytime you are mad at them, that is your fault. I think it can become very sustainable. And give yourself grace. If you don't want to save the day today, like you can sleep in. Thank you. You're welcome. Gary, I've noticed in my personal life as well as just being around you and the people that are trying to connect around you that humans in general connect over what they hate rather than what they love more often than not. Why do you think that is? And then do you see as of late or in the future a shift in that where people are going to rather bond over what they love and their interests over usual?

17:50It's basically cynicism versus optimism is what I'm going for. I don't know if that's true. train a couple things i mean if you look at what's going on with music and sports right and movies like i think that you maybe are just in a place where you've taken note of that you know i'm surely sure that in the time you spend with me i surely collect connect with no one over things that are bad or cynical or hate um now i mean i don't think anyone on this call is confused the the last 15 years have been politically contentious around the world, contentious and negative. And right now people have overly spent time on dwelling on what's wrong versus on what's right.

18:43And so, you know, things have been flow. You look at the 1960s, you know, that was a time where the American and much of the world society was over fixated on what was wrong, Vietnam, racial issues, you know, distrust of government for the first time in America, at least in a long time. And so, you know, I just think that we've been very unfortunate that politics has been able to get to the top of the list, not the arts, not the music, not the humanity, not the escapism, not the popular culture. and I also think that people are in, I think the subtle thing that people are missing is people are in an incredibly big era of entitlement and when you're entitled, you're gonna navigate that you're a social justice warrior.

19:40You're gonna try to make your life value around your opinions on macro issues versus addressing micro issues within your own world. And so it's your validation for shitting on someone who's doing wrong on either side because it makes you feel better that you're not doing the things you're supposed to be doing for yourself, for your family, for your health, for your wealth and whatever else. So I think there's a combination of things that have allowed this. The reason so many people believe, like when you talk about things they dislike, like it all stems from the discourse at the political level.

20:20And if all of you pay attention very closely, and you know you've seen this from my content, they're all doing the same thing. They're trying to make you hate someone. They're all trying to make you hate someone. They either hate the immigrants or hate the billionaires. It's the same exact thing. So I think most people, especially most people under 30 and most people over 60 have fallen for the trap. Less people between 30 and 60 have fallen for the trap only because they're busy. And now I have a follow up question. And I know you talk about tribalism a lot. Is it everyone between 30 and 60 is always busy.

21:04Do you think that the reason why people lean towards hate or optimism is there's a lack of tribalism? I know you mentioned that a lot with V friends and collecting sports cards and they're trying to find a similarity with somebody. And so - Humans are always tribal. There we go. Humans have always been tribal. Humans are tribal. And sometimes tribes are nice to each other and sometimes tribes are not nice to each other. And we're in a not nice time. And most people don't have accountability to love everyone. They don't have the accountability. They fall into the peer pressures and the traps. People are looking to be accepted.

21:45People don't have the self-esteem to have different points of view. I am fully in love with everyone on an individual basis. I have no interest in judging anyone on this call, on their race, on their gender, on their income level, on their visual appearance, on even their thoughts and ideological points of view. I have no interest in judging anyone on that. The judgment is out of control right now, as if anyone on this call, me included, is so special that they're allowed to judge without context. Love that. Thank you, G. You got it.

22:25Yes, Barbara. Hey, G. Hey. Thank you. So I was gemming about this with my therapist the other day, and I was like, I'm just going to bring it to this call today. So you talk a lot about intuition, but how do you distinguish between pure intuition and quote-unquote filtered intuition influenced by your past experience or your brain's bias trying to protect you? How do you practically know which one you're listening to? You don't. The only way you can solve it is by taking action and seeing what the result is.

23:05You know, in that scenario, what you're doing is you're over-complicating the entire macro thesis of intuition. If you're looking for over-analyzed intuition, you've already stepped out of the realm of intuition. I see, so it's like - Like for example, I have never even heard that term that you just used in my life, I'm 50. that's how deep I am into intuition and I protect it from getting any academic or scientific jargon to to even cloud my intuition have not even allowed that term to enter my ether to protect the purity of my intuition does that make sense it does and I feel like there is a difference from what you're saying because I feel like I do believe there's this thing like going in our brains, you know?

24:00But I think your definition of intuition is more like, it doesn't have anything to do with that. I think it's more like - I live that way, meaning I do make a lot of decisions on pure intuition. Like it's very fast, it's very clean. I don't even begin the path of letting my brain debate both sides. On the flip side, I have not built everything I've built without spending enormous hours of thinking on subject matters that did not have an answer from an easy, intuitive framework. There are things, Barbara, there have been equally profound decisions I've made, especially professionally, that if it's like, let's say both of them are 99 out of 100 important in my career, some have taken two seconds and some have taken two years.

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25:30That's a scoop. Like the second you start going into more than a day, you've left intuition and now you're in your head. You're in logic. I see.

25:46Yeah. I believe one man's humble point of view is that intuition has a clock.