BEST OF '25: Golden Shower

7:32Mike Minogue:Once I got home, I was like, no, I am full. I'm happy. And, you know, with curries, you can just keep going, I'll just dip another naan and have some more sauce.

7:39Keyzie:Yeah, but you said that you smashed a Ree burger on the way home as well. Did I say that? When did I say that? That's why you were totally full. Yeah, that's right. But, you know, we should. We should do that more often with our partners.

7:50Mike Minogue:Can I just say, it was very fun having the seven curries on offer. All right? It was really nice. It was seven different curries. Everyone was having a bit of everything. I liked two of them. Oh, wow. Oh, really? Yes. How many did you try? I tried five. I wasn't allowed to try Pugs and his partner's ones down the end of the vegetarian. Yeah, they were three that was off limits to you there. I tried all three of those, I think. Yeah, I know. I certainly saw you trying everything. Yeah. And then the ultra-hot Vindaloo tried that very nice. Yes. It was good. And then there was a seafood one. I don't like seafood.

8:17Mike Minogue:And so the only ones I really – Did you have the sauce, though, of the prawn malabari? Yeah, I had a bit of the sauce, yeah. But the only ones I really could eat was the one I ordered, which was a medium butter chicken. And, of course, everyone caned me when I ordered it and then caned it when it came out. What's – why did – just everyone order just a butter chicken. We all like that the best. Let's just get that. No, you've got to have a variety.

8:38Keyzie:You've got to have a prawn malabari for a start. And actually, just on that, because there were three curries down Pugsans end, which he'd ordered. Yeah. And I went to get some of that. He literally forked me in my hand. He just, like, shoved his fork in my hand. I was like, whoa. It's a shocker, man. Yeah. But no, it's very good. It was great.

8:55Mike Minogue:And then he went out and partied. Pugsans got home from the curry night after 1 a.m. Yeah. He said about 2.30, cooked to 3. Yeah, what a legend. And he was saying, oh, fair, he got a Ree burger on the way home as well. It was pretty crazy. The Hauraki Beat Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Alcohol is a group one carcinogen, a carcinogen being something that gives you cancer. Right. Group one being the most cancerous of the groups, Keezy. Right, sounds bad. And what it was saying was if you have a bottle of wine, just one, so just a standy sort of Tuesday evening, just you on your own watching telly, Keezy.

9:35Yeah, that sounds fine. Is the equivalent of smoking five cigarettes if you're a man or smoking ten cigarettes if you're a whoman?

9:44Mike Minogue:Well, I think that's a bit sexist, don't you? Yeah, I know. Well, tell the cancer. Yeah, I mean, the cancer doesn't care, Casey. That's not the worst thing about the cancer, Casey. No, I know. The worst thing about the cancer is it kills millions and millions of people. No, no, no, I know. The fact that it's sexist is probably admirable compared to some of its other personality traits. You're right. I think you're missing the main point. You're right, it is admirable. It's a murderer and you're worried about it being sexist. You see what I'm saying? No, you're right. I think you're getting distracted.

10:05Yeah, totally.

10:05Mike Minogue:you are. Just get a crack, Keezy. I admire the sexism. You're right. It is admirable. Yeah, thank you.

10:10Keyzie:So back in the day then when I was drinking four bottles of wine and smashing two packs of Daris. Yes. So what's that? Responsibly? That's 60 Daris a night. Well, I don't know. I think if you drink a bottle of wine and that means it's five cigarettes for us as men. Yes.

10:27Mike Minogue:Still seems a bit sexist. It is sexist because we should get ten cigarettes. Why do they get all the cigarettes? Yeah, exactly. But if I'm drinking a bottle of wine and that's like smoking five cigarettes, If I smoke five cigarettes, I think then they cancel each other out. Yeah, totally. Well, hang on. Are you sure that's how it works? Because I don't know anything about it. Yeah, well, that's the thing. You don't. Can I preface it just by saying I don't know anything about it? But it seems like you'd be adding to the total, not taking away from the total.

10:49Keyzie:No, I think it does work like that. It's a weird thing where they cancel each other out. It is a weird thing. You know when you multiply a negative in a negative?

10:58Mike Minogue:Oh, anything by Z. Yeah, you're right. And it equals a positive. I think this is one of those instances. So it becomes a good thing.

11:04Keyzie:Yeah, so it's like when I was smoking, say, 40 durries a day or at night and having four bottles of wine, I'm actually coming out on the positive there because the 40 durries are cancelling out the 20 durries from the wine. That's right. So it's almost like I'm going to the gym. Yes. You know what I mean?

11:23Mike Minogue:So the important thing is to go to bed on zero or in the positive. Yes. Right. And do you just not drink wine if wine's so bad for you? I think it's specifically wine is the problem there. When I start drinking, I'm going to go back to probably beers. Because beers aren't carcinogens? Well, it doesn't say anything. It specifically says here, drinking a bottle of wine is the equivalent to smoking five cigarettes for men or ten cigarettes for women. No mention of any other alcohol. So all women should not be allowed to drink wine because it's so bad for them. Well, I'll be honest, that sounds a little bit sexist from you, Kesey.

11:55Yeah, that's shocking, Kesey. That's terrible. No, it's just really bad.

11:59Keyzie:If they don't have a bottle of wine, they need to smoke ten durries.

12:02Mike Minogue:Yeah, sure.

12:03Keyzie:I don't know why he goes straight to the sexes. I'm sorry, fellas.

12:08Mike Minogue:I misread the situation.

12:09Keyzie:There was a touch of racism in there.

12:11Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. This is breaking news. Diddiddooj. Too slow, Moggy. Hoody J's a perv. This is breaking news. Diddiddooj. Fellas The ACC has officially reported The amount of money it has spent This year On people fishing things out of their back passage Oh Okay With a fishing rod No Not literal fishing Mogi But thank you for the question And not the ACC The Alternative Commentary Collective We're talking about the accident Because that would make sense Well yeah that's perfectly normal for them to spend $125 ,000 on people fishing things out of their backside.

13:02Mike Minogue:Wow. How much? $125 ,000. Is that all? That's pretty good. It's up from last year's figure of just over$50 ,000.

13:10Keyzie:So can I just clarify here? They didn't have$125 ,000 up their backside. That's what they spent on removing things that people have shoved up there. Correct, Jase. Right, okay. I haven't heard of that. I haven't heard of people charging to take things out. I've heard of them charging to put things in. Things in, yeah. Well, of course, famously you did your bit of filming this year, Mogey, and what did you get a speaker up, your jacuzzi? Yeah, a boss, what was it?

13:37Mike Minogue:A bow, it was a Yui Boom. A Yui Boom, yeah. Just looking into the cost of actually removing this, according to the Accident Compensation Regulations 2003, Yeah, that'd be right. roughly$33.97 per removal. Really? Roughly. That's a lot of removal. So you do the maths on that. In the past year, we are talking 3 ,689 people having something removed out of their backside. That seems cheap for the removal. Can I say that? Yeah, it does. It seems very, very cheap. So what are you? Who's doing that work? It sounds like it's somebody at Pack and Save. That's$33 an hour. Maybe it's based on the amount of time it takes for a doctor on an average salary to remove something.

14:22Mike Minogue:To take it out.

14:22Keyzie:Right, yeah. Because, I mean, that sheep, I'm almost tempted to shove something up there. It's a bargain. Easy. What's the weirdest thing you've fished out?

14:34Mike Minogue:Probably my undies when I get a bit of puck, you know, pants up crack. Oh, yeah. What about you? Go on. Rubik's Cube. Was it solved? Internally. What about you, Moggy? I don't think I can top that. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Hell of a Valentine's Day today. You've always been a bit of an old school romantic, Jase. Yeah, I have. What did you get up to? Do you go from the moment you wake up? Yes. Do you get up a little? Yeah.

15:12Keyzie:Yeah, I do. Yeah. And it's a bit of a sort of, I guess, the only concern I have about my sort of Valentine's Day stuff now is it's getting a bit cliche because I do it every year. I feel the same. I get up, I make my wife breakfast in bed. Yes. With her morning coffee. And then she reads for a little while. Oh, yeah. And I just give her a foot rub while she's reading. She quite enjoys that. Yeah. Then she goes and has a shower and gets changed and comes out into the lounge, It's a lounge which I've sort of bedecked with hundreds and hundreds of flowers just all over. Gallons. Just everywhere in the lounge and the kitchen area.

15:55Keyzie:And I leave a little note on the bench there just saying a very simple I love you. The little love heart. The little CB for JH. Yeah, that's nice. The little arrow going through the love heart. What about yourself? Sort of similar. We actually, you know, a lot of people take their birthdays off each year. We take Valentine's Day off because it's that special to us. Very similar to the start to the day, except rather than, you know, my wife reading, I read to her. Oh, lovely, lovely. And what I read to her is every year I sort of, throughout the year I'll work on a poem. Yes. I've got it here if you guys want to.

16:30Sure, sure.

16:31Mike Minogue:Definitely. O raven tress my midnight flame, whose eyes outshine the starry frame. in shadows deep your beauty gleams the echo of my heart's pure dreams the voice a silver brook soft flow doth hush my fears doth calm my woe in every glance a boundless sky a tempest wild a lullaby wow if angels dwell in realms unseen they borrow from my great from thy grace serene no eden fear nor heaven bright can rival thee my day my night Oh, lovely. So take this vow, my heart, my breath. Thy name I'll sing through life and death. In every throb, in every prayer, forever Zara, find me there.

17:20Keyzie:Oh, so good, man. I love the use of throb. Yeah, it's good, man. Yeah. That's beautiful, man. You're working on that. That must make her a bit teary. Yeah, I mean, it's appreciated, even when it comes from the heart. Sure, man.

17:32Mike Minogue:Sure. What did you get up to there, Keezy? I'll be honest, fellas, mine got off on the wrong foot. got up, my wife was up before me, went to the toilet, came out just with a towel on, and she goes, did you really have to just go bomb the toilet just as I was in a rush to go to work? Yeah, that's hot. So I go, instantly we were in an argument. And then I'm like, oh, happy Valentine's Day to you as well, which is the worst thing. I shouldn't have said that. Yeah, sure. Oh, you should have said that. Yeah? Yeah, it was fine. I then had some cereal, some Weet-Bix bites, and she came over for a kiss goodbye and I had milk and cereal on my lip.

18:08Mike Minogue:She kissed me and then had it on her lip and she goes, oh, that's disgusting. I'm never kissing you again.

18:13Keyzie:Yeah. Yeah.

18:14Mike Minogue:And then she's like, oh, because there were eggs on the table. She's like, you're not making egg sandwiches, are you? And I was like, yeah, I am. She's like, great. So you're going to be farting later on.

18:25Keyzie:You were saying off air as well that - What? Well, no, that she left and then she came back in just as you were ripping ass on the couch.

18:36Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah. Then once again, I just doubled down. Happy Valentine's Day. How long have you been married for, man? Only two years. Still got it. Yeah. Still got it, man. Still got that old magic. Yeah, man. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

18:51Keyzie:Well, today was the day of the big race, and what a race it was. We've got Jeremy Wells from The Breakfast Show and the show with us. And, Jerry, of course, you did a commentary. Yeah, I did do a commentary. I was there. Sadly, I couldn't run. I mean, I wish I could have run, but unfortunately I have arthritis in my right knee. And running with bone-on-bone grinding is not ideal. And so I had an exemption. Look, as I said, I would have loved to have run on the race. And watching you guys, it brought a lot of joy to me. Watching the camaraderie that a team gets, a 4x100 metre relay team. Everybody has their role.

19:28Sure. Obviously, you know, Keezy has his role as the fastest runner on the team. and Mogi just second there and Pug's probably third and then Jace, the, I don't know how you describe him, the anchor of the side coming through at the end there.

19:41Keyzie:You know, I've got a, you know, you talk about your arthritis in the knee there, Jesse. I've got no hamstrings. So, you know, we've all got our disabilities, but I still ran. Well, some would argue that you don't even have legs. Yeah, well, exactly. But shall we get to the commentary?

19:59Mike Minogue:I think so, and feel free to text in at any point on 3483. You get yourself in the draw for a$50 Reburger voucher and just give your opinions on the race. This is our first time hearing the commentary as well, so exciting stuff. Let's do it. There is a lot on the line here, of course. Whoever wins this has to do the other show's show. So if breakfast wins, they've got to do the big show. Big show wins, they've got to get up very early in the morning and do the breakfast show. Some good sportsmanship being shown by Mike Minogue and Ruda, who's going to be running first for the breakfast show. Okay.

20:28Ruda first and Mike Minogue first. Here we go. Get set! And Ruda is out of the blocks, and so is Mike Minogue as they come around the outside. Mike Minogue's showing good pace, but Ruda is hanging in there. He knows that it's all about staying in there for his 100 metres as Mike Minogue passes it now to Keezy, and Minogue and Ruda has given it to Minogue, who is now going down the outside, and it looks like Keezy has pulled a quad muscle, and he is now stumbling through, and Manai has overtaken him and he's passing the baton through to Zoe who is now running and she's running on the outside of the track and Pugs is coming up on the inside.

21:12This is super close. Pugs gaining on Zoe. Zoe has got to pass it to ACC head G-Lane for the breakfast team and the baton's been changed. It's been passed and G-Lane going down the outside as Jason Hoyt versus G-Lane. G-Lane versus Hoyt and Hoyt looks like he's pulled up lane with some kind of groin injury as ACC head G Lane storms home on the outside and he's giving him the fingers and he has passed the finish line and they have taken it out the breakfast show over the big show and I've got to say it all came down to Kesey who looked like he pulled a muscle there on the back straight. Mike Minogue, is that how you saw it?

21:55Yeah, that's right. Within about 20 metres of me handing the bat into him, he pulled up lame, had to do the final 80 metres at a limp. And that's about as well as you can expect it to go, Jerry. 50 % of our team getting injured. I sort of feel like Pugs and I don't have to do the show next week. It feels like this should be solely on the backs of Hoity J and Chris Key. He's been campaigning for this. It means a lot to them. Got to be honest, I'm f***ing devastated. I bet you are. I bet you are. Because you did well, you ran well, Mike. And look, I thought in all of the pre-match chat, you know, it was all about Keezy and Keezy's pace.

22:37And he was really saying what a paced man he was. Great work from you ACC head, G-Lane. But pretty easy we were, Chase, who didn't even end up running. Nah, he did. As soon as we got the baton and I was side by side, he was like, f*** you, Lane. Yeah. Who would have thought that Keezy would have been the weak link there? Well, the great thing is we'll be able to talk about Keezy being the weak link for the rest of his life. So it's something to think about there.

23:04Keyzie:Yeah, well, let's just start off right now. Keezy was not the weak link. It was a catastrophic event. And I have to say, up until that point, the big show plan was going perfectly. Mogi got out to a very nice lead. Keezy was extending it significantly. Secondly, as it turns out, it would have been extended even further by Pugsarn, and we would have had that 20 to 30 metre lead that we needed so Hoity J could start off at a canter, but it wasn't to be, fellas.

23:33Mike Minogue:It wasn't to be, guys. No, I mean, shall we come back after a tune and get Jerry, we can dissect this a little bit further. I think we're going to get pretty forensic about this over the next one week to 10 years. He's just very quiet over there on that side of the desk. Very quiet. It's just he's gone pale. He's lost the colour in his...

23:51Keyzie:Well, he's remembering the trauma of his quad exploding.

23:55Mike Minogue:Yeah. Well, I mean, Jerry, you'd be familiar with this feeling, man. You just feel like you're in a room and everyone hates you, you know? Yeah. Well, the thing is, what they say, Keezy, pride comes before a fall. Yeah, 100%. Here's Loser by Beck, by the way. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki. This is breaking news. We certainly do, fellas. This coming in live as we speak. A man has been banned by United Airlines for doing wheeze on a sleeping passenger. Now, the passenger's name was Jerome Guterres. He was sleeping in business class. Lucky.

24:40Mike Minogue:Which I thought was an interesting detail. He woke up to find his stomach downwards was saturated with warm urine. It would be warm.

24:49Keyzie:Well, it depends how long he'd been sitting in it for, because he was asleep, obviously.

24:55Mike Minogue:It just says here that it was warm urine. I'm reading from the article, Jase.

24:58Keyzie:But Mogi said it would be, but it would be warm. But that's only if he woke up immediately after being urinated on. Well, this is it.

25:06Mike Minogue:Gutierrez was sitting in his seat with his clothes soaking, only realised what had happened after the man had finished urinating on him. Yeah.

25:14Keyzie:So he was obviously snoozing maybe in a business class there. He woke up. He must have been asleep. Does anybody urinate on him at any point?

25:25Mike Minogue:Apparently, yeah. A guy urinated on him, Jase, just so we're clear. Yeah. Now, the guy apologised. The staff came over. For being urinated on? That's crazy. Sorry, Mogey. You've got the wrong end of the stick there, man. The guy that had done the urinating. Oh, the urinator. Yeah, let's call him Weez Man. Sure, okay. Weez Man, yeah. Or Piss Boy.

25:46Keyzie:Or a little piss boy. It feels like the sort of least you can do. What do you mean? Apologise. Oh, the least you could do.

25:56Mike Minogue:You know what I mean? Well, the most you could do is also do number twos on it. Oh, that's the most you could do. Well, I think you could do more than that. The least you could do is not urinate on them at all. That's the very least. That's minimal. Actually, you're right, Kenny. That's the very least you could do.

26:10Keyzie:I once urinated on a flatmate's TV. Yes. But that's because you're watching something. Let me guess. You went to bed hammer drunk. You woke up in the middle of the night. You got lost. You urinated on his TV. Yes.

26:24Mike Minogue:Maybe that's, well, this is the thing. I'm trying to think. I don't think this guy has intentionally gone wheeze on this Jerome guy. I think he's maybe got a condition where he can't hold his urine in. No. The toilets. How do you know? People have these conditions, Jase. But you know that it's coming. He would have known that he needed to wheeze for quite some time prior to doing that.

26:43Keyzie:I would suggest that he was steamed, that he just staggered down the car. and just did a Keezy all over him. What do you mean?

26:50Mike Minogue:Sorry, pissing on someone is not doing a Keezy, Jase. That's doing a Wheezy. You're getting mixed up there, man. So what do you do? You're busting, you're a bit steamed, you're on a plane, you realise the toilets are out of action for whatever reason. What do you do? How can you combat that? Wait for 30 seconds?

27:03Keyzie:Yeah, I don't believe that's what happened, Keezy. I think he was steamed. We don't know. You're just assuming, Jase. You know, and if that were the case, and he was stone cold sober, but he was just busting, why would you urinate on an actual person? I would opt for, because I'm a backbone, and this is just me, I'd urinate on the floor. Thank you, Mogey. Thank you, Mogey. Or the food trolley. Or I'd find, you know, where they put the coffee, one of those urns. And do it in the urn. Thank you. Yeah. Would you then put the coffee on? And back on the air. And then go, hey, coffee's up. Mum's the word, Casey.

27:39No one needs to know.

27:40Keyzie:Their coffee always does taste like piss anyway. that's true I do think it's odd though that they've released the name of the guy who got urinated on and are humiliating him publicly not just publicly, internationally but I don't know the name of the guy that was doing the urinating I want to know his name Fair point Water Sports You like a golden shower, Keezy?

28:06Mike Minogue:Jase What? No, I don't It's like a regular shower Okay. In the morning, usually. Sometimes at night if I'm sweaty. Hey, can you just say the name of the artist here?

28:18Keyzie:When I say Golden Shore, I mean in the sunlight, with the sunlight coming through the rain.

28:22Mike Minogue:Sure you do, buddy. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.