COLD CUTS: Choccy Tourism

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

0:07Keyzie:Yes indeed, the Beastie Boys there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. The time is 6.37. Let's give out some advice, fellas.

0:15Mike Minogue:Be pretty nips 69 at gmail.com. Get in touch with the fellas. Do get in touch if you need to.

0:26Keyzie:With the fellas!

0:31Mike Minogue:If you even need advice on anything, 100 % anonymous, and if it's read out on the show, you get a prize. Meet pattynips69 at gmail.com. This one comes in from anonymous, fellas. G'day, guys. I need advice. No names, please. So me and my partner watch Grand Designs every Sunday. Just like Kesey's partner, my partner has always had a soft spot for Tom, the main guy. I've never had an issue with it because, let's be real, he's a celeb. But Sunday just gone, it was different. She fell in love with the builder. we were watching it and the main builder kept popping up and she actually rewinded it to see his name she said he was good looking didn't faze me too much until every time he popped up she would be like oh he's doing such a good job or oh he must be a really kind businessman the way he's looking after that family and then the builder said that he was going to beat the estimated timeline and that's what tipped her over the edge episodes finished and i thought that was that little did i believe what i saw she was actually searching him on instagram later and that night in bed.

1:30Mike Minogue:Let's just say his name is Ben, the builder. That was the builder's name. She then proceeded to show me one of his photos where he's absolutely shredded. She says, I think Grand Designs should get this guy to host instead of Tom. So my conundrum is, do I forbid us ever from watching Grand Designs again? Do I divorce her or in Moggy's words, should I find Ben and smack him over? Please help with your advice. Cheers. Well, it's got nothing to do with Ben. he hasn't done anything wrong has he no well i mean i guess you know there's an opportunity here um to put the shoe on the other foot and see how she likes that can't quite imagine trawling through instagram and uh finding a hottie and then showing my wife and then saying that she should uh be the star in every tv show that we watch and then like finding a photo of her in a bikini or something yeah yeah yeah yeah look at this it seems um Um, yeah.

2:23Um, seems a shame, but you've got to break up with her. You reckon it is break? Because he's saying divorce, so they're obviously married. Oh, they're married. Yeah, I mean, she's got one foot out the door anyway.

2:31Keyzie:Yeah, I was going to say it's only a matter of time before they become lovers, by the sounds of that. So, I mean, I'd call it early and preserve whatever dignity I've got left. Cut your losses. Yeah, totally. Just go, look, it's inevitable you're going to go with this guy, so. Or try to. Or try to. Either way, I'm not happy. I'm on the way.

2:51Mike Minogue:Because it is one thing to have a celebrity crush or whatever. Yeah. But if it's just a guy who's a builder. It's a hell of a relationship where you're sitting there watching a show, you're seeing someone you like, you rewind it to get the name so that you can search it on Instagram. I mean, they've got a good relationship, these two. But it feels like a friendship. Yeah. Yeah, it does. Okay, so obviously smacking Ben over it, it sounds like he'd probably beat you in a fight. Oh, he wouldn't smack. Ben's done nothing wrong.

3:20Keyzie:It's not Ben's fault. No. That he's a stud. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's right. You know what I mean? Okay, so divorce. It's old mate's fault here. What's his name? Anonymous. Yeah. That he's married a shocking bastard. I will tell you what I do find annoying. Good looking dudes that are shredded that are nice guys. That annoys me. Well, nice guys finished last, Jase. Yeah, but not if they've got, you know, pecs and abs and tight buns. So if you say a hot dude, you want him to be a massive asshole.

3:49Mike Minogue:Yes.

3:51Keyzie:Mind you, having said that, that's playing, as Moggy was pointing out, playing bad boy image, which is just as difficult. You can't win. You can't win either way there. He's either A, a really nice guy and a stud, or B, an absolute piece of work, a bad boy and a stud. Right, so divorce. Yes, I think so, yeah. I don't see any other way through this.

4:17Mike Minogue:Well, I hope that helps. meetpattynips69 at gmail.com if you do need advice, get in touch The Hauraki Big Show weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki

4:27Keyzie:Yes indeed, Nirvana there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday night the time, 6.37 and today New Zealand today is a very historic day on the sporting calendar because on this day five years ago this happened Shammy again with the shammy. Comes in, bowls to Taylor. What's up, it's Pigs! Yes! And it's going to go for six, I think. And after so much heartache, after so much pain, after so much suffering, the New Zealand cricketers are now champions of the world! Woo! Oh! Yeah, I think that's... Hell of a moment. One of the great pieces of radio or sporting commentary, I should say there, Jay, you should be proud of yourself.

5:26You're saying that you sort of wrote about 20 or 30 different options. Yes, I did, yeah. Mr Woodlet Down. Yeah. Did you actually?

5:32Mike Minogue:Or did you just say that? I just said that. Really? No, I wrote down 30 options. Yeah, you've got to have options. You can't just come up with these things off the cuff. Yeah. I think about your keys. Quinn, like when he saw Jonah Lombi score that trot, he goes, oh, oh, oh. You think he didn't write down a few different options before he came up with that gold? But it wasn't the rumour that he dropped this piece of paper or something? Rumours.

5:56Keyzie:He actually had put that on Trade Me. Yeah, his notes for that. Oh, did he? Because his options for that particular moment. And, oh, oh, oh! Sold for like$47 ,000 or something.

6:11Mike Minogue:Why don't we sell yours? For you fellas who are massive cricketing tragic, greatest moment in New Zealand cricket history? Well, for me, absolutely. I was in the room with you, Jase. Yes. We were commentating that with Lane and Heath. And a huge moment, Kesey, because we're often in the finals. We certainly have been the last 10 or so years, and we never win. Yeah. That part's annoying. I like being in the finals. I like getting down to the semifinals even. But I hate losing all the time. And so to win in what is, in my opinion, the greatest form of cricket. Yes. Agreed. In the very, very first iteration of the World TS Championship, where it's a two-year rotation.

6:48Every Test match you play, or pretty much every Test match you play, has points allocated to it. At the end of the two years, whoever's got the most amount of points meet in London to play this one Test match, and the winner is declared the greatest of all time.

7:01Mike Minogue:And it was India as well. And it was against India, which was magnificent. The other thing that made it particularly special was that Australia was on course to be in the final with India, except they got docked World Championship points points because of a slow overrate in one of their test matches. And if it wasn't for being docked those points, they would have been in the final instead of New Zealand. So we snuck in by the barest of margins. We didn't deserve to be there, really. And then we smashed India.

7:32Keyzie:I totally concur, Mogi. And like you say, for a cricketing nation, we punch well above our weight. We're always in semis or we get into finals. We never win the bloody things. and so to finally be the world test champions. And that was, as Mogi was saying, the greatest thing, test champions, not some half-assed T20 tournament. Not one day's test champions, Keezy. It was a great day.

8:00Mike Minogue:How do you think they would stack up compared to, say, the Warriors winning the premiership? Oh, look, it's not even. It's not even close?

8:06Keyzie:No, it doesn't even come into my thinking, really. It's not nearly as impressive.

8:11Mike Minogue:That's amazing. Was it 2020 that happened? 2021 2021 so five years yes five years ago to the day um Cole Jamison man of the match was seven wickets seven wickets I think it was and he got Coley out twice

8:26Keyzie:it was a hell of a test match was it was it six days it was a rest day oh there was no it rained or something in the middle and so they had a rest day to carry over that's right it was over six days Keezy so good what a time to be alive ah

8:41Mike Minogue:the Horaki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.

8:47Keyzie:Royal blood there on the Radio Hodaki. Big show this Wednesday evening. The time is 14 minutes past six o 'clock. And it's time for Breaking News.

9:00This is Breaking News. Fellas, exciting stuff. The New Zealand favourite chocolate bar, Perky Nana. Really? named one of the world's most sought-after supermarket snacks, finishing in the top nine. That's worldwide, fellas. As part of grocery tourism, have you heard of grocery tourism before, JizzBot? No. Grocery tourism is when people visit supermarkets, food markets, specialty food chains or stores, while travelling as a way of experiencing a destination's culture. So your Perky Na Na is a unique chocolate bar available in New Zealand. It was unique to New Zealand. And it's hugely popular, apparently, amongst tourists.

9:48Mike Minogue:Wow. I like being a grocery tourist. Like when we were in Landan. Landan. Which isn't in Europe, Jase, but is sort of in the vicinity. It's a United Kingdom. It's a United Kingdom. It's sort of Europe adjacent. It's adjacent. Okay. We bought some jammy dodges just because that was basically like a shrewsbury. Right. Very nice.

10:12Keyzie:When we were in Sydney, we went into the supermarket there and got some apples. Have you heard of those? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You've got to try these, man. What breed of apple was it? It was like a Granny Smith. Oh. Granny Smith? Yeah. Was it a Granny Smith? Yeah, yeah. Wow. That's pretty cool. Some of the other things in this top ten are the propitious mango ice cream, which is a viral fruit-shaped dessert produced in China. I've had that. Have you? I hadn't heard of that, but hugely popular, Keezy. Came into popularity in New Zealand last year. Social search is up by 436%. Yeah, yeah, so all the dairies in New Zealand started stocking them.

10:58Mike Minogue:You have it. It's pretty nice. What is it? It's like an ice cream. In the shape of a mungle. And the top is the shape of the fruit. There's a few different flavours. And we went and got one because it's, and I find this with every viral TikTok food. You go and get it and it's always not as good as what you're picturing. Yeah. It's fine. But would you say a perky nana would be something that people would be stoked about once they got their paws on it? No, I think perky nana is like, I reckon pineapple lump's better than a perky nana. Well, this is the other thing, you see, because I would have thought jaffas are better than a perky nana.

11:28Definitely. And very kiwi.

11:30Keyzie:Except they're a real choking hazard, Jaffas. I'm always paranoid with Jaffas. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's true. What about a more-o? A more-o? Never heard of it. How does it pronounce more-o? Yeah, more-o.

11:42Mike Minogue:Oh, wow. I didn't know that. I thought it was more-o. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love a more-o. You prefer a more-o to a perky nana? Perky nana. And that's a funny thing. That's been mispronounced wrong all this time as well. It's a perky nana. Perky nana. Not a perky nana. Oh, right. Perky nana. And a more O. And how do you pronounce crunchy? No, that's right. Oh, it is? Yeah. Okay. I think perky nanners are shocking, to be honest.

12:10Keyzie:Yeah. I'm not a fan of perky nanners at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about the chocolate bar? Because it gets confusing, doesn't it? Because we're talking about perky nanners now. Oh, sorry, what were you? Or we're talking about old ladies that have got a bit of a pep in their step. Might have just bought themselves some new white loafers. No, I'm a big fan of them. I'm a big fan of them.

12:29Mike Minogue:You mean tan loafers. And you mean boots, women's boots, not loafers. And you mean stilettos. Yeah. And we're referring to the shoes Jase is wearing right now. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.