COLD CUTS: Forklift Filth

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hodaki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.

0:07Keyzie:Pink Floyd there on the Radio Hodaki Big Show, but right now it's time for... We're off to find the brewery of the day.

0:21Mike Minogue:That's right, brewery of the day. Every single day in the lead up to Beervana in Wellington, which is this Friday in Saturday, by the way. We feature a different brewery from around New Zealand today. Oh, and there was one from Australia. That's right. Remember that? Yeah, that was last week. It was, yes. Today we're off to beautiful Sunny Fjellers. Oh, Sunny Fjellers. Again? Nah, I'm just joking. We're off to beautiful Dunedin, fellas. Beautiful Dunedin for Emerson's Brewery. I've heard of him. Yeah, we're the same. We've actually done a live show from there. Yes, it was very good. It was a biggie.

0:52Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah. Cue out the door. In 1992, after spending a year in Edinburgh and experiencing beers overseas, Richard Emerson was inspired to try to create the same variety and quality back home in New Zealand. He, being profoundly deaf from birth, he found that brewing was something that he could do and do well. Wow. It's interesting, isn't it? With his heightened sense of smell and taste. He could have written as well, or written a book or something. Flavour and aroma became central to his beers and the Emerson's way of doing things. Emerson's Brewery is now an icon of craft brewing in Dunedin and across New Zealand.

1:24Mike Minogue:Go and taste a golden drop of Emerson's finest at Beervana this Friday and Saturday. The use of the adjective profoundly is only often used in two cases. One there, profoundly deaf, and the other would be to be profoundly moved. Otherwise, you don't really use profoundly. It's an observation. It's a really interesting observation. I'm trying to think.

1:44Keyzie:There's times when I am profoundly sickened. Is that a term you use, though? Yeah. Is it? Yeah.

1:53Mike Minogue:I can picture Jase using that when a regular term would probably do the trick. Oh, certainly. I haven't heard it, though.

1:59Keyzie:I am profoundly sickened by etc. etc. Yeah, no, that doesn't sound right. Doesn't it? No, okay.

2:05Mike Minogue:There are still tickets available for Beervana, by the way. Beervana.co.nz. Is there still tickets available? You're kidding. What is going on in this country, man? Honestly. Yeah, I know. PC got mad. Beervana.co.nz. Get amongst it and we'll see you there on the Friday morning session, I believe we'll be tagging along and having a wee look around. Yeah.

2:25Keyzie:That Friday morning session is going to be quite interesting, I suggest.

2:29Mike Minogue:Yeah, especially after the Thursday Arvo session. Yeah, yeah. It's going to be so good. Oh, yeah. We'll be right. We'll be right, Keezer, you and me, brother. Yeah, we'll stick together, man. Queens of the Stonehenge is tuned, eh, Jase? It's all right. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

2:46Keyzie:Beastie Boys there on the radio, Hodanky Big Show. Let's give out some advice with Meet Paddy Nip 69. Meet Paddy Nip 69. At gmail.com.

3:00Mike Minogue:Get in touch. With the fellas. For those that don't know why it's called that, the audience voted on what our email address should be. Yeah. And it's a real email, meetpaddynips69 at gmail.com. Get in touch if you need advice on anything. 100 % anonymous. and if we read it, you get a$50 Reburger voucher. How good. Fellas, this one comes from Anon Emos. Ah. G'day, feelers. Need your wisdom on a situation that's spiralling into surreal territory. Our neighbour appears to be running a full-blown car yard out on his front lawn and the surrounding street. I counted at least 17 vehicles yesterday and I'm pretty sure one of them was a hearse.

3:37Mike Minogue:The council came by, ticketed a few, which he accepted like parking medals of honour, but nothing's moved. our driveway access now requires tactical manoeuvres and possibly a forklift. Also, while I was reverse parking between a 98 Corolla on swapper crates and what I think used to be a boat, I glanced through his lounge window and saw him watching filth on his flat screen. He was watching something that looked like it was banned in at least 12 countries, full volume, curtains wide open, and I don't know whether to call the council or a priest. Any thoughts on what we can do? Cheers. That's a tough one, isn't it?

4:11Mike Minogue:Oh, jeez. Well, you just got to make friends with them. That kind of cool can rub off on you. So I would recommend just have a barbecue, get them over, and just, yeah, man. I'm assuming he's wanting to make mates with them. Is that the idea? He isn't specific about what he's wanting. Because I thought, and this is probably my bad, I thought he was trying to get the guy to stop watching porn and also clean up all the cars that are everywhere. Why don't you do that?

4:34Keyzie:It's an interesting thing. I've got that very scenario in my place, except my neighbour has four caravans. Yeah, and you have to watch your porn on your phone. Parked right on our fence line. And so I do. And I have to turn the chair a certain way when I'm watching the porn on my phone.

4:52Mike Minogue:So you have it like it's on your phone. Well, because, you know, he tutus around. No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on. So you're watching it on your phone and you've got a specific chair that you sit in, even though it's on your phone, you could do that anywhere. Can I have a filth chair? It's my porn chair.

5:06Keyzie:Where is it? Like in the lounge? Yes. But you see, he can see straight through the French doors where he's tuttling with his caravans, and it's angled in a certain way that when I'm enjoying the porn on my porn chair, he could see directly, so I had to just skew it a little bit.

5:22Mike Minogue:Right. Because we don't have curtains there. Right. I just feel like you should change where you're doing it. But getting back to the guy with all the cars. Yeah, lucky guy. He must be rich. 17 cars, and one of them's a hearse. Yeah, man. Sounds like they're all kind of crap, though. You know what I mean? Oh, he wasn't clear about that, was he? I mean, this guy sounds like a jealous... You know what he sounds like, man? He sounds like a nosy neighbour. Really? This guy, the guy who's emailed us in, right? Yeah. He's moaning about a guy who's got 17 cars and just dominates it in his lounge room.

5:52Like, this guy's ticking all the boxes for me.

5:55Keyzie:He should just keep his massive beak out of it. Yes. He sounds like he's got a massive beak, eh? Yeah, he's got a huge honker.

6:01Mike Minogue:Yeah, he's got a nice honker, mate. Jesus. Yeah, I think he should move out because he's bringing down this guy who's written us the email because he's bringing down the vibe of the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Move out, man, and go get a nose job.

6:17Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

6:23Keyzie:Metallica there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. Before that, we were talking about how we dress like tramps at home, and I just had an epiphany, Mogey, you know, because I wear my Ugg boots, My tracky pants are full of holes, no undies. They probably stink because I never wash them. Gross old T-shirts and gross old sweatshirts. No wonder my wife never wants to touch me. You know what I mean? Like, I come to work, I'm snappy, I'm styly, I'm on. And everyone here is all over you. And everyone here is all over me. And at home, no one wants a bar of me, and I've just put two and two together.

6:56Keyzie:So you reckon it's the clothes? Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? Because I make no effort. My hair is all over the place. I don't shower. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, what are you running at home, Keezy?

7:09Mike Minogue:I'm running, I have a perfectly matching green track suit. Sweatshirt material. It's a green hoodie. I wear it here sometimes. Are you Bunnings? No. I sometimes wear a Bunnings trade switcher, which I stole. I don't know they made track pants. Stole that off the breakfast show, by the way. No, I have a matching green sweatshirt and pants combo, and I have some fluffy woolen socks. I also have a matching grey tracksuit, pants and sweatshirt combo. And once a week I will swap them out and wash the other one. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's what I wear at home. And it's all in fantastic condition. It doesn't have stains and stuff on it.

7:45Mike Minogue:It looks great.

7:46Keyzie:It's just the matching part of it that I find a bit, you know, sort of off-putting. Right. The idea that you've got a matching tracksuit.

7:55Mike Minogue:Yeah, well, a lot of people are texting in on 3483, which is good. Hey, guys, your songs are back to front. It's all out of sequence. This doesn't sound like Metallica. It sounds like the Chili's, the funkiest Metallica I've ever heard. So that's good. People really getting in. Someone calling us Tossers, which is good as well. Yeah, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, jackass. What were you hoping for in terms of my dress, Jase?

8:16Keyzie:Well, no, I was thinking that you might be the sort of person that had, like, different shoes for different parts of the house. Like, you'd have bathroom shoes, bedroom shoes. I could see you getting home from work and getting into your lounge shoes.

8:28Mike Minogue:I don't wear shoes inside, Jase. Shoes are for outside.

8:30Keyzie:When you say shoes, I mean like your slippers.

8:32Mike Minogue:I don't wear slippers because you guys love slippers. Yeah. You love slippers. I love slippers. Yeah, I hate them. But also I've been living in a cold house for quite a long time, up until recently, and they're so snuggly, Jase. Yeah, you little ladies. If you've got warm feet, man, you're a happy man. Whereas at my house, literally the socks I'm wearing now, which are just standard cotton socks, they're more than enough to keep my feeties warm. Your feeties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, when you guys sit on the couch and watch something, do you have a blankie? I did last weekend because I was hung over But you don't But generally I don't

9:04Keyzie:My wife does She has two blankies

9:06Mike Minogue:Yeah right My wife has a blankie And then sometimes I'll come over And then just share it with her

9:10Keyzie:I've got my little snuggly blankie Which is when I'm sucking my thumb When do you use that? Just when I get home And I'm just chilling out on the couch When you come home Do you actually Do you take your shoes off And put on your Ugg boots? Yes Right I think I'm going to I think I'm going to start doing that Because I don't do that Do you wear socks with them? Yes.

9:29Mike Minogue:Yeah, okay, good. Because this is going to be absolutely disgusting if not. Yeah, yeah. Hey, fellas, coming up shortly, the last few songs of the nothing but 90s countdown, which is bloody exciting. So make sure you stay tuned. The Hauraki Beat Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.