COLD CUTS: Get Ya Steps Up

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hodaki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.

0:06Keyzie:Foo Fighters there on the Hodaki Big Show this Monday evening. The time is 6.42. Fellas, let's give out some advice.

0:14Mike Minogue:Be pretty nips 69 at gbowl.com. Get in touch with the fellas. Please do get in touch. Real email address. With the fellas. Jase. Meet PaddyNib69 at gmail.com. If we read it on the show, it's 100 % anonymous. And if we read it on the show, boom,$50 reboot. Boom. How good, man. Boom. Boom. That's enough to get you a hell of a feed.

0:41Keyzie:That is great stuff. Hey, fellas, boom. Boom. Hey, just chill. This one here is from Anonymous.

0:47Mike Minogue:Boom. This one here is from Anonymous, Mogi. Good spotting. Boom. G'day, fellas, Anonymous here. Boom. Got a conundrum. My closest group of friends, there are four of us, is unfortunately having a member leave us. We're based in Christchurch and he's flying to Wellington to study at police college so he can become a backbone. My question to you handsome studs is what do we do? He's leaving three of his mates to go pursue his future. Personally, I think this is outrageous. Can't we all just stay in Christchurch and drink ourselves to death responsibly? I say I wish him well, but in the end I'm just sad we can't use his house as a hangout spot on the weekends for our filth.

1:22Mike Minogue:Not to mention the shift in dynamic within our friend group. Only three of us. Can you imagine what that would be like? We might have to start a radio show. Ha ha, lol. Backbone. One more thing is that I am a heavy user of illegal drugs. He is aware of this and I'm scared he's going to arrest me. Cheers, Anonymous. Sounds like he's also a heavy user of illegal drugs. I don't know about that. I'll tell you what, you can't have a group of four, just one of them's not into it at all. I think they're all into it. I think this guy's a shocking bastard. Yeah, I agree. And I don't know whether he's really New Zealand police worthy.

1:55if I was this gentleman here anonymous is that his name? Anonymous yeah I'd be making a discreet phone call an anonymous phone call to the New Zealand Police Training College there in Wellington and I'd be saying you've got yourself a drug addict on your hands and kick him out so there's two problems at once one we don't have a drug addict for a police officer walking the streets walking the beat in New Zealand and also you get your friend back

2:18Mike Minogue:yeah and that'll be the last time he tries to you know get a career better his life better his life

2:22Keyzie:But I also wonder on the other side of it, you know, the guy that actually wrote the email there, he's a piece of work too. He sounds like a shocking bitch. Who Anonymous? Well, he's basically saying he's buggering off, we can't use his house anymore. Yeah. So was he ever really your friend or was that just your drug den? Well, maybe, you know, Anonymous used to get his drugs off. This guy's going to be the police officer. Maybe that's why he loved him so much.

2:42Mike Minogue:Let's not cast aspersions.

2:44Keyzie:Well, it just sounded pretty obvious from what he was saying in the email there.

2:47Mike Minogue:Yeah, but you can't just read between the lines like that and just jump to a conclusion. If I had to guess, they're both shocking bastards. Yes.

2:55Keyzie:Okay, so anonymous phone call. And if you've got to be a policeman, you've got to read between the lines. You know what I mean? Yes, if it is half the job, Kesey, is reading between the lines. Really? Making shit up. Sounds like this particular guy is sniffing the lines, but... Hey! Yeah, Jase.

3:10Mike Minogue:Yeah, Jase. There he is. There he is. Hey, we've got ourselves a trailer. $50 a dollar reberg about you. $50 a dollar reberg about you to you, Jase. Thanks, man. Because that was good shit. Pugs.

3:22Keyzie:I'll use that tonight.

3:24Mike Minogue:Pugs, can you snip this? Snip. Oh, dear. And then you've ruined it. I have ruined it. Forget it. Talk about end on a downer. Oh, sorry. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

3:37Keyzie:There's Panama there on the goat countdown coming in at a rollicking 203 fellas. That surprised me, I'll be honest with you. Yes. Fellas, I was down in Wellington last week for, well, we call it Beervana. That's what it's called, yeah, yeah. And the next day after Beervana, you and I, Jase, we'd been down there, hadn't we? Working like dogs. Yeah, man. While also enjoying all the hospitality that was being offered to us, I went along to a local cafe and I was working away there. Old Mogey, working away. Tap, tap, tap, tap. Old Mogey, tappity, tap, tap there. Bit of a hangover. oh God, a little bit over it.

4:16When this fellow approaches me and he says, oh, I haven't seen you for a while. And he's right. He was a guy that was a couple of three years ahead of me at school. I didn't know him very well, but knew him well enough to say hello. Lovely fellow, actually. And he said, oh God, I haven't seen you for 30 years. Wow. Wow. That is a long time, isn't it? And he said, do you remember that? And I said, no, not really. Now, then he went on to tell me a story. Now, I was a little bit annoyed by it, actually, because it doesn't sound anything like me, and I think he's got me mixed up with someone else, and you guys can be the judge.

4:52So he says, at the time, and this was literally 30 years ago, he was managing a McDonald's on Lampton Key. In Wellington. Lampton Key down there in Wellington. Yes. And he was doing the late shift, and it's a bit of a, it's an absolute filthy bastard of a McDonald's. Late at night it is, yeah. Absolutely disgusting. Anyway, he was the manager there, he said, and he said, I came in. It's about 2 or 3 o 'clock in the morning. Okay. Yeah, I see where this is going. And I get served by a young Fiala there. And according to this guy that I know, he said that he was standing out the back as the manager and he was sort of dealing with a few things out the back there and they've got a different coloured shirt, don't they?

5:38The manager shirt, yeah. Yeah, the manager shirt. The much-coveted manager shirt. and I said really loudly to the guy that was working, is that John Smith out there? Let's say his name's John Smith. I say, is that John Smith out there? And this young fella goes, yeah, yeah, it is. Now at that point John Smith turns around and looks and sees it's me. Right. So I say, is that John Smith? The young fella goes, yeah, it is. And I say, he says, I say, has he ever told you what he used to do with sheep?

6:11Right. And apparently this guy took it really seriously, this young fella there. On the till. On the till there. And it led to him eventually, my mate, having to exit the job. He had to quit because of... Well, because word got around, you see. Yes. About him with the sheep.

6:33Keyzie:Now, are you asking us here, Moggy, does this sound like you? Now, let me say that this is, without a word of a lie, this is, according to him, a true story. Right.

6:46Mike Minogue:That's so good.

6:48Keyzie:Yeah.

6:49Mike Minogue:Well, I mean, you can't be doing that.

6:50Keyzie:No, it's shocking. You know what I mean?

6:52Mike Minogue:It's disgusting.

6:53Keyzie:Oh, John Smith. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, this is the thing. It's shocking, but. Yeah, good on you for calling him out. Absolutely.

7:01Mike Minogue:That's so great. What was his name? John Smith. Oh, John Smith. Disgusting. He was saying. What was he saying?

7:09Keyzie:He was saying that he lives with his mum in Huntley now, doesn't he? He's got a quarter-acre block with a couple of sheep.

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8:08Mike Minogue:Hodaki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hodaki. Meet PaddyNib69 at gmail.com. Get in touch with the fellas. With the fellas. Oh, it's good stuff. Meet PaddyNib69, gmail.com. Do get in touch. Really email address. You'll win a$50 rebug of our trip if we read it on the show. And it's anonymous too. We genuinely do want to give out good advice, don't we, fellas? Oh, yeah, mate. Hello. This is from Anonymous. Hello. Hello. Anonymous here. G'day there. Hello. Have they said all that? Nah. It just says g'day, fellas. Oh, yeah, that's better. We're a flat full of vapers who have recently been trying to quit.

8:55Mike Minogue:However, there is nothing better than a Friday night pint paired with a vape. There is. All washed down with some Reburger. Question for the team. Experienced vape quitters. What are some of the top tips to get off the nicotine? Cheers. Fellas.

9:10Keyzie:Well, I would say get off the vape and go back to the ciggies for a start. I don't think we should encourage people. He's trying to get off the vape. He's trying to get off the vape here, Keyes.

9:19Mike Minogue:No, he said off the nic, the nicotine in general. Yeah. Yeah. I think you need to start by getting onto the darts. Because once you're onto the darts, that sort of weans you off the nicotine because you can't smoke in all the places that you can vape. You just can't. Isn't that an interesting point? Yeah, yeah. So immediately your intake is down, your costs are up, so you can't afford it as much. So your overall consumption is lower, and then you can wean off the darts, which is, as I've found, an absolute piece of piss. Yeah, totally. Well, isn't the easiest way to wean off the darts to get on the vape, though?

9:54Mike Minogue:Oh, absolutely. Well, that'll be the next step. Yeah, yeah.

9:57Keyzie:That'll be after that, though, Kesey. Just a little tip on that front, by the way, is when you're smoking the darts and you're keen to get off the nick, as he put it. Put the butts in your pockets and stuff. Yes. Just so you can just reek of cigarette smoke the whole time. And eventually, if you chuck all your butts in there, the smell's going to put you off alone.

10:21Mike Minogue:I thought it was like, and that way you can see how many you've had and it's a real reminder.

10:24Keyzie:You can also roll the butts up. Yeah, that's right. And I mean, if you run out of darts, you can just get the tobacco out of the butts and just do them in a rolly. Put them into rolly paper and then you drop them. It's racist.

10:35Mike Minogue:Yeah. Yeah, right, okay. Jason and I have both done that thousands of times. No, I know that. Yes, yes, we have. But my concern is that neither of you are ever fully off the nicotine.