COLD CUTS: HUGE NEWS

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki. It is the killers on the Hauraki Big Show. Nine minutes to six this Monday afternoon with Keyzie, Mogi and old Pug-san. And it's time for my brand new segment. Pug-san. Old Pug-san. Sharp on the old stings there, old Pug-san. Old stings. What's on the news? With me, Keyzie. Now obviously this is the world's greatest segment I just want to give you a little peek behind the curtain there Old Keezy said to Pugsong You just be ready with the sting And Pugsong went yeah man cool And then just as we went to it Pugsong picked up his phone and started texting

0:42Jason Hoyte:Excuse me I refute that I literally pulled up the Instagram photo Because my mum was like oh we're doing the comments on this thing Which we're doing later It's good stuff I love it

0:54Mike Minogue:Pugs you're butchering this segment of mine and people love this segment. The Butcher. That's another cool nickname for you. The Butcher. His other nickname that he gave himself can't be read out on air. Yeah, that was a shocker, actually. Let me just, full disclosure, I had a news story lined up. Oh, let's go. But then Pugs has sent another one through. So it might be a double news extravaganza. We'll start with Pugs' one. Fellas, interesting news from New Zealand, Southland, down in Invercargill there. A volunteer worker at a Southland op shop found a bag outside the store, a donation bag, went to pick it up, bring it in, put it on the shelf to sell for two bucks.

1:34Mike Minogue:I don't know. And inside was 40 grams of cannabis, thousands of dollars in cash, and a weapon, like a police scanner thing. And then a few moments later, some teenagers came by and were like, Hey, did we leave a bag there? So they accidentally donated a bag full of the good stuff. Too stoned. Way too stoned. Too stoned. I'm just going to drop off some of these old clothes down at the old Sally's there. Yeah. Dropped off all my drugs and all my money. And my money and my scanner. Yeah, because I've got two backpacks. One's got my old clothes in it. The other one's got on my drugs. Yeah, better not get those mixed up.

2:15Mike Minogue:So that was Pugs' news story. Can we try and get those guys on the phone, man, just see what happened? That's some good chat. Well, they've only got one phone call, Moggy, so I don't know if they'll be able to. That's true. They might want to use it for a lawyer. That is true. Because the police did. The phone's probably in the bag. Police did get in touch, yeah. Can you play the sting again, Pugs? Yeah, you ready? Sorry to see you, mate. Lucky you're so sharp. What's on the news? With me, Casey. News story number two from around the world. This is going really well, guys, by the way. This is going off.

2:50Text 3483 if this is going off.

2:52Mike Minogue:No, don't. News from Nevada. Las Vegas. Yeah. The city of sin, pugs. Now, which is usually any city you're in, because you're a bad man. A bloke on holiday in Las Vegas, Canadian fella. There's a photo of him in the hallway, 3am I'm guessing. He's shirtless, wearing jeans, and he's holding a flamingo. A real life flamingo. So a Canadian tourist was arrested for abducting a flamingo from the Flamingo Hotel. They have a live little sanctuary of actual flamingos that you can see in the hotel. And he broke in there, stole one of them, took it back to his room. Yeah. And then accidentally... Hey, what goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas.

3:39You know what I'm saying?

3:40Jason Hoyte:What business does a hotel have having a flamingo sanctuary? I don't know.

3:45Mike Minogue:It's Vegas. It's ridiculous. This guy just made love to a flamingo. I don't know if he... He didn't bang the flamingo, I don't think. Why else would you take a flamingo back to your room at three o 'clock in the morning, Keezy? Grow up, man. Its name is Peachy. Apparently, Peachy will make a full recovery. It did hurt its wing. And apparently, he was so steamed. He hurt its wing and was trying to pop it back into place. Oh! And was trying to help the flamingo. Oh, that's awful. I know. Well, he probably caused it in the first place. Oh, he did? Yeah, he definitely did. Not by doing that, Mogi.

4:18Mike Minogue:That is not what happened. All right, kids? It's not what happened. But if you drink too much and you don't drink responsibly like we do, and then you think it's a good idea to steal a flamingo, you will get in trouble. That guy's arrested too. Pugs, can we get in touch with him, please? You can get him on the phone, Pugs. Yeah. The flamingo or the guy? Either or. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Guns. Roses on the Hauraki Big Show. 6.34 this Monday afternoon. Let's give out some advice, fellas.

4:53Mike Minogue:MeetPattyNips69 at gmail.com. Get in touch with the fellas. MeetPattyNips69 at gmail.com. It's a real email address. Get in touch, 100 % anonymous. And if we read it on the show, you get yourself a prize pack. How good? Now, this is an interesting advice question tonight there, fellas. This comes from a listener who didn't, in fact, use MeetPattyNips69 at gmail.com. Instead, they asked me directly the advice question. I took note of it because it was a good question. I said, I'll address it on the show on Monday. Deezys Instagram. They were like, yeah, that sounds great. The people's names are Lockie and Shahana.

5:32Mike Minogue:Oh, no. G'day, fellas. Isn't this meant to be a bonus? Oh, no. I know what this is. G'day, fellas. I was chatting to them at Pugs' 30th birthday. Yeah, right. A maid of ours stayed at our place and left heaps of furniture at our house. a couch, a washing machine, a mountain bike, DJ decks, etc. and won't come and pick them up. Right. At this point, he's taking the piss. At what point are we allowed to sell it? Cheers. Do we know how long it's been there for? Pugs, how long has it been there for, man? Your stuff. This is great because we've got a person that's had the thing about them. The question about them actually sitting here.

6:08This never happens.

6:09Jason Hoyte:Giving the advice on what they should do. See, what's the guts there? A few months. A few months my stuff's been in. No, the garage there. That is a piss take. It's just rude. The most annoying thing being the couch. That's been the hardest thing. For you or for them? For them and for me. Because that takes up the most room in the garage and that's been the thing that we've been trying to get rid of. Because I haven't heard you mention anything. Your plan to satisfy... Well, I'm not going to talk to you about it. What's the plan for remedying the situation here, Pugson? I've got a truck picking it up tomorrow.

6:41Jason Hoyte:Does that help? Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Where's it going? So there's your advice. Huh? Where's the... I'm donating it because the idea was to sell it. It's a pretty new couch, cream, three-seater lounge suite. Is it an L-shape? L-shape? No, not an L-shape. It's like a... No use to me.

7:00Mike Minogue:No, so what is it? Three-seater?

7:02Jason Hoyte:Three-seater lounge suite, cream, leather. Leather? Yeah. And I had listed it on everything that I could, tried to sell it, and I started it at a certain price, and I literally have gone down.

7:14Mike Minogue:You've dropped your pants on it.

7:15Jason Hoyte:I've dropped my pants on it to the point of trying to donate it and even then can't do that. Right. Must be a terrible couch. There's sort of like the suede love boots that I had that I tried to give the homeless guy and he wouldn't take them off me.

7:28Mike Minogue:Because they were so ugly, the purple ones. Yeah. Your couch is the equivalent of that, Pugs. What's the guts, bro?

7:33Jason Hoyte:When you say what's the guts, what do you mean? Why have you got such a shit couch? It's the couch from my old place. You've seen it. You've been to my house. Haven't you, my old place? Yeah, I went to your old house. Do you remember the couch, man? Not really. What else have you got there? Is it all getting picked up? The washing machine's gone, so I don't know why. So it's all getting picked up. So now you're sort of, you're fuming at them. For lying. For looking after your stuff for three months.

7:58Mike Minogue:For defaming me. Accurately. Is all of the stuff getting picked up tomorrow? Huh? Is everything getting picked up tomorrow? The couch. The couch is getting picked up. What about the other stuff?

8:06Jason Hoyte:I'll get the other stuff. Oh. When are you going to get the other stuff?

8:08Mike Minogue:Couch. Remember, this is for your friends. and they hit me up and they're like, we love pugs, but he's taking the piss.

8:14Jason Hoyte:I feel like me, Paddy Nips is sort of on and off a pug slander segment, which, you know, I wouldn't have put so much effort into the sting if I knew this is what it was going to become, to be honest. I wouldn't have sang on the mic. Right, well, the question was. Well, maybe less effort in the stings and more effort getting your stuff out of the garage.

8:29Mike Minogue:Yeah, more effort in the friend department. But also, the question was, at what point can they sell it? Now, three months. Whenever they want, 100%. Three months. That's fine. Sell it. Yeah, from the sounds of it, good luck. Am I right? Pugs can't sell. You're crap. Don't give it away. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Red Hot. Chilli Peppers on the Hauraki Big Show. It is 4.26 Tuesday afternoon with Keezy, Mogi and Pug's son. Hoity J under the weather, but apparently feeling better today, fellas. Yeah, on the app. Which is good news. He'll be back on deck hopefully tomorrow.

9:06Mike Minogue:And a reminder too that we are going to be down in Christchurch on Thursday doing a big show, live show. This is at the, what's it called? Critic Bar. Critic Bar, yeah. At the Richmond Club. So if you're in Christchurch, Critic Bar, Richmond Club, 4 p.m. this coming Thursday, come on down, get yourself a backbone shirt and get amongst it. We're telling, well, we're talking about lies that Mogi's told his wife. Well, we're talking about white lies that people tell their wives. And my example was simply that my wife thought that I had cleaned coffee off our mattress. We thought it was stained. I said that I had when I hadn't even touched it, and she now thinks I'm amazing.

9:44So there are no real losers. Yeah. Nobody's been hurt. Yeah. The only thing that's happened is that as a result of my lie, she thinks more highly of me, and that can't be a bad thing.

9:56Mike Minogue:Have I earned it? No. No, you haven't, but little victories, they're important. Small victories, you take what you can get. Are you worried now that whenever there's a stain on the mattress, which is quite often because your cat is probably literally pissing on it right now. Are you worried that you'll now become the mattress cleaner? The expert. It is a little bit of a concern, absolutely. But I'm hoping to get the underlay, underlay back on today. Yeah, cover it up. No matter how good I get at it, she's always going to be better at cleaning up stains. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got a passion for it.

10:31Mike Minogue:You're better at making stains. I am, yeah. That's my great skill that I brought to this relationship. I've been racking my brain trying to think of a lie that I've told my wife. And the one that keeps coming back to me is just early doors. And it's not so much lying, but early doors in the relationship, it's just intentionally not bringing up stuff from my past. Right, lying by omission. Lying by omission, is that what it's called? I believe so. Oh, okay, yeah. What sort of stuff? Oh, just, you know, like my grades at school and just stuff like that. Yeah.

11:04Jason Hoyte:Like a mountain biking.

11:05Mike Minogue:Yeah, activities I may or may not have partaken in. Yeah, right. Certainly around the time that we were meeting.

11:12Jason Hoyte:She was a very sensible lady, my wife. Were there moments where that got brought up in conversation that you can remember and then you deliberately left it out or it's just like it just never came up?

11:22Mike Minogue:So it would sort of sound like it might come up and I'd sort of divert things. Nice. You know, like the other night, Moggy, we were at Hoagy J's house and you guys found out about something that she discovered in a school report of mine from high school. A failure that you'd had. I failed a certain subject and she thought it was hilarious. She was right. Yeah, she was right and it was very funny. The fact that this is even a thing you can fail is ridiculous and I will find the report and bring it in one day. Yes. But I intentionally waited until deep into the relationship to unveil that stuff.

11:54Yeah. But she actually likes you more for it.

11:57Mike Minogue:Yeah, which is weird. Yeah. Really weird parts. You thought it would put her off. 100%. But now I'm trying to find more stuff just to see how far I can take this thing. The more bad stuff I find from my past, the funnier she thinks it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she thinks that she's rescued this reprobate. Yeah, that's right. And she kind of has. Check out this dog, this little puppy that I found on the side of the road. Look how good he is now. Look at him. He's on the radio pretending like he's got a real job. This one's great. A little white lie here, fellas. I had a friend stay at mine after a massive night of drinking.

12:29Mike Minogue:he did poos in the eight-week-old kitten's litter box. I lied to my wife and told her that it was the kitten. To this day, she still thinks it was the kitten. You know, that's a good white lie. Yeah. Because you all laugh about how, oh, wow, you know, the kitten, far out, squeezed out a big one. That's amazing, you know? You bond over that. Yeah, I mean, I would do that if it was me that had done it, if I came home, Steve. But if it was a mate of mine that's going to cop the blame, I'd just let him have it. Yeah, you're right, actually. Told the wife that the kids broke her favourite vase or vase.

12:58Mike Minogue:Yes. But it was actually me the whole time. See, that's important. When you've got young kids, because I remember an episode of Malcolm in the Middle where the dad runs in the room and pays one of the kids to take the fall for something. Yeah. Have you ever done that with your daughter? No, no, no, no. I do remember, though, growing up and my stepfather, my stepfather shaved, right? So he shaved and he left all the hair in the basin, right? My mother blamed me. Wow. And my stepfather just stood there and let me take the blame. Oh, wow. How old were you? 14. Oh, my God. But you had a massive beard then as well, didn't you?

13:38I had a huge beard back then, man. But, yeah, he was just like, ah, it's not worth the hassle. Let this ass, I'll take it. This little idiot.