COLD CUTS: Jase's Affair

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

0:06Keyzie:The offspring there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening.

0:12Mike Minogue:Hey fellas, the next home match for the BNZ Breakers is happening in mighty Waikato. It's going to be Wednesday, December 3rd in Hamilton, which is next week. If you are keen to sit courtside on the Hauraki Backbone Bench, you and three mates, courtside, as we said, you will get a Backbone T-shirt as well. Just get your phone out and text the word bench, Hamilton, to 3483. Two separate words, bench, Hamilton, to 3483.

0:36Keyzie:Yeah, and you can win that bench in Hamilton.

0:39Mike Minogue:No, sorry. No, you get to sit on the bench courtside. Yeah. You don't win the bench. You don't get to take the bench home with you. Oh.

0:52Mike Minogue:This is breaking news. Fellas, a man was arrested for breaching the peace after an incident at the NZ Screen Awards on Friday night.

1:02Keyzie:Oh, yeah.

1:03Mike Minogue:Now, Moggy. Yes. You were at the New Zealand Screen Awards. Did you see any middle-aged men acting aggressively after hugging wait staff? No, I didn't. I'll be honest with you, I didn't see a lot of people hugging the wait staff. Yeah, which is a random thing. I think the wait staff are there to give you your food, as far as I understand. Or drinks, and they were doing that. but they were bloody good drinks. I had a Centro Otago Pinot Bois. Yeah, lovely. You talked about it all. It was very good, and it was so good that I felt like hugging a weight staff.

1:34Keyzie:I was going to say, you know, if they're giving you the drinks, there would be a temptation to give them a hug out of appreciation. I mean, I went for a high five. Yeah, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when your tipping comes in. I was going to say, or you can tip them if you really,

1:46Mike Minogue:rather than forcing a hug on them. But I didn't see anything of the sort. Right, well, apparently there was a guest at the awards who hugged two hospitality staff, females, that were trying to work at the event. The incident took place inside the venue. The guest was then asked to leave. Security escorted them outside, and then the police arrested them outside the event. Apparently very aggressive male. It says here with massive bulges and a hair hat. But you weren't there, were you, Hoody J? Or you were only there briefly, man? Oh, was that you, Jase?

2:26Keyzie:Yeah, but I... Well, I mean, I've got bulges, just not my eyes. No, I had that part. That was a joke.

2:33Mike Minogue:That was a little part. That was a joke.

2:35Keyzie:And I mean, I don't have a hair hat. No, I know.

2:37Mike Minogue:I was joking, pretending it was Mogey, who does have a hair hat and bulges. But it was just a made-up part of the... Yeah. But was it you, though? Why are you being all sheepish? When was this? It's Friday night, apparently. At the Screen Awards. Right. Because you were there, right? Because one of your shows was up for a lot of awards. A lot of awards. What show was that? It was Broken Wood Mysteries. Oh, yeah. It won a lot of awards. A lot. Did it? So I can imagine people that were there from Broken Wood were being in quite a huggy mood. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. So what was it?

3:13Keyzie:Well, I mean, obviously not. I'm not middle-aged. I'm not there yet, fellas. Oh, okay.

3:18Mike Minogue:Thank goodness. Nice.

3:21You're not feeling too good though, are you? That's when you've had too much.

3:26Mike Minogue:Yeah, that's drinking irresponsibly. That's not it, mate. Which isn't what we do. They're not one, eh? The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

3:36Keyzie:R.E.M. there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Thursday afternoon. Nah.

3:42Mike Minogue:You all good, man? Yeah, I'm fine, thanks, Keezy. Why? I tell you what, I absolutely love it. We're eating chips in the break there. Jase is in a rush to finish off his mouth, and I just sit here and I watch him because I know it's never going to go smoothly. I think to myself, why isn't he having a glass of water? He doesn't, and then next thing you know, things that are kind of similar to English words come out of his mouth, but not quite. I love it.

4:05Keyzie:What a scurrilous accusation. I won't have it. Pugs will clip it up. It'll be a new sting by the end of the day.

4:14Mike Minogue:Hey, fellas, just something that Jase brought up with me yesterday. Obviously, we played golf against the breakfast show. We played Ambrose. It was us two, Jase and I, two winners. We went off ahead, played a game of golf, played a hole of golf, and then Jerry and Minaya and their winners set off behind us. So we were always separate. Now, the loser of this game, it was an Ambrose game, has to cover the final show of the year for the other show. Jase, you said to me, are you convinced that the breakfast show didn't cheat? Because I'm not.

4:48Keyzie:Well, can I just say this, Moggy? There was no one following those guys. So, you know, people occasionally popped over to them. Right.

4:56Mike Minogue:And I'd always ask him, like, how are they going? And then they'd be like, oh, we don't know. We'd have no idea. So who did your scoring? I did our scoring. Okay. And I also, and the rules of Ambrose, we played just nine holes, but everyone in the four has to have one of their drives used. Right? So beside those, the little column I've put, we used Hoity Jays first, then we used Joe, one of the winners, then we used Horty Jays, then we used Kurt, then we used mine to make sure that we had all contributed. They don't have that on their card. So we have no idea if all four of them actually drove.

5:26Mike Minogue:Last time they played, they broke that rule. And also, how old certain are we that they wrote down the right scores? Because it would have been very easy to cheat.

5:33Keyzie:And this is the other thing, Mogi. They themselves admitted that the two of them played terribly and that it was actually the winners that actually dragged them through. So I'm not convinced, given that they haven't done the correct markings on the card there, that that's all legit. Yeah, sure. But, I mean, similarly you could say they could say the same thing about you. They don't know that you wrote down what was true. Would that be accurate? Well, I mean, yeah, but we lost. Yeah, I know, but they didn't know. You know, you could have – because if you look at what your scores are, like three birdies, like insane score, you think to yourself, well, geez, this looks like a lie.

6:10There's no way these deadbeats have hit three under across nine.

6:14Mike Minogue:Yeah, but there's four of us having a crack. Oh, yeah.

6:16Keyzie:And what we did do is we did say who teed off. Yeah, we did do that. There's none of that on their card. I think that's invalid. I guess the other thing that I just, and look, I'm just being devil's advocate. You know I love you guys. I'm on your side. But this all stemmed out of a conversation where Jase, you said, oh, I went home last night and I thought to myself, it came to me all of a sudden, why didn't we cheat? Why, exactly. That was him admitting that we didn't cheat. Yeah, no, absolutely. But you wish that you had have. I think, look, I'm looking at the card now myself. I think this is invalid.

6:47Keyzie:I think this has been incorrectly scored. Right. I agree. And I don't mean that they're fiddling with the numbers. They haven't correctly identified who played what. I would also point out one other thing, and I don't know if it's happened because I haven't looked at the scorecards. A scorecard is not valid if it hasn't been signed at the end of the round.

7:05Mike Minogue:Well, it hasn't been signed. Ours hasn't been signed either. No, it has been. It has been signed. It has too. Sorry, I was looking at theirs.

7:13Keyzie:There's no signature on this card. It's invalid. Thank you, Mogey. Even in the majors, it's not official until the scorecard has been signed in front of officials and handed over.

7:24Mike Minogue:That's right. And look, I want to cover Brekkie. You know I want to cover Brekkie, but I can't do it if it's because of them cheating and also an invalid scorecard. You're shocking bastards. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

7:43Keyzie:Billy Idol there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Friday evening. I've been reflecting actually, fellas, it's been quite a sexy show today. What with Keezy's, you know, him and his wife getting a massage together. Well, he's getting a massage. Oh, yeah, she's getting a facial, that's right.

8:02Mike Minogue:And your new haircut.

8:03Keyzie:and my new haircut. Yeah. And I've been wearing this Carter's cap. It's got a bit of a stain on the front of it. Don't know how that happened. Is that some tree sap?

8:15Keyzie:Something sexy happened to me yesterday and it was unexpected. As you know, we're looking for apartments at the moment to my wife and I, to move out of our house and have a bit of city life. Just have a bit of a taste. Big city life. Yeah, thank you. And anyway, we were going to see a place yesterday. My wife said, look, I'm not going to be able to get home at all. So do you want to pick me up on the way? And I said, yeah, okay, that makes sense.

8:44Mike Minogue:So she wasn't at home. She was at work or something? She was at work.

8:47Keyzie:And so she said, you pick me up. And I said, where do you want to meet? And she said, what about that car park by the cricket ground on the way there? And I knew what she was meaning. The new Lynn there. You know your cricket grounds. I know my cricket grounds. Yeah. And I said, yeah, that's a good idea, baby. Let's do that. So I arrived at the car park and I suddenly started feeling quite sexy.

9:09Mike Minogue:Just by being at a car park of a cricket ground.