In short
The Hauraki Big Show banters about Auckland’s late-spring weather and how to prepare houses for wind/rain, then shifts to Jase’s “yarn” about gardening, plus practical “stag bag” packing tips for a stag do.
Guests
No named external guests; the episode features the hosts Jace, Mike, and Keezy (with recurring character “Hoity J”/Jase).
Key claims
Houses need to “breathe” during storms; sealing windows can still work but can cause major interior damage. Jase “battened down the hatches” and got stuck outside, chaining himself to a trampoline that was lifted by strong thermals near St Mary’s Bay/Harbour Bridge; he was later picked up by the Waihiki Ferry.
Notable examples
Garden cleared in about 1–1.5 hours without power tools; a side gate unused for 10 years was finally uncovered and rusted. Stag bag includes eye mask, earplugs/air plugs, sleepy drops/tea, power bank, chapstick/moisturiser, antihistamines, laptop/games, and a joking $4,000 cocaine line.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOWeather and Home Preparation
0:08 to 1:24
Discussion about dealing with crazy weather and how to prepare homes.
“Now many people think of course that the 1st of September signals the start of spring.”
Trampoline Adventure
1:24 to 3:54
Jase shares a harrowing story about his trampoline during the storm.
“He says as he sucks his massive hunger into a big conglodule of snot.”
Travel Plans and Itinerary
3:54 to 4:50
The hosts discuss Jase's upcoming Europe trip and itinerary.
“Oh, it wasn't safely so much as I landed on my back.”
Yarn Music and Storytelling
4:50 to 7:29
Jase introduces his new yarn music and prepares to tell a story.
“Another thing I'd love to have a sort of a – it involves you, Jase, a practice run at is you using your new yarn music.”
Gardening Experience
7:29 to 9:20
Jase shares a humorous tale about gardening with his wife.
“And just strip it out, put it all in the bin there or chuck it down the back and see how we go just for one hour.”
Gardening Experience
9:31 to 9:42
Jase shares a humorous tale about gardening with his wife.
“And I think we're doing it every Friday this month, fellas.”
Sushi Store Incident
9:42 to 14:01
Discussion about food, sharing, and an incident at the office.
“Today before the show, I was a little bit peckish, so I went over to the sushi store.”
Preparing for the Stag Do
14:01 to 15:30
Learn what essentials to pack for a stag do, including sleep aids and chargers.
“It can be a fanny pack, although my stag bag, it needs to be like a over-the-shoulder bag.”
Unusual Items for a Stag Party
15:30 to 16:58
Discover some unconventional items like a laptop and board games to bring along.
“Because you're going to be out and about.”
The Unexpected Item
16:58 to 17:20
A surprising mention of $4,000 worth of cocaine adds a humorous twist.
“And then lastly,$4 ,000 worth of cocaine.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.
0:07Keyzie:R.E.M. there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon, 25 minutes past four o 'clock. Now many people think of course that the 1st of September signals the start of spring. Not so. No. I think it's the 21st of September around that time that spring officially starts. But we've had some crazy weather, fellas, and we've been talking about how you deal with it.
0:28Mike Minogue:Yeah, because I didn't realise, but I made a mistake. Because it was super windy in Auckland. Yes. And I closed up my house tight, all the windows, all the doors, garage door, everything closed up. Yeah. And that's how I dealt with the wind. And it worked because my house was totally fine. This time. This time. Luckily. Yeah, luckily. But what I didn't realise was that you were supposed to do what you did, Jase, which is open all the windows and doors and let the wind pass through. And the rain. And the rain. And that only had a minimal damage on your house, didn't it?
0:55Keyzie:Well, yeah, it ruined all the carpets and the floors, et cetera. But as I say, the essential skeleton of the house remained intact.
1:03Mike Minogue:And it took a few windows out as well, didn't it? A few windows.
1:06Keyzie:Well, it actually blew them right off. So it didn't just break the glass. It actually took the whole window out. The hinges and everything. The hinges, the frame, everything.
1:15Mike Minogue:And a few texts here on 3483. I thought the windy wind was from Hoity J breathing through his honker. That's good stuff. Actually, that's not funny, Jase. I don't think that's funny, man.
1:27Keyzie:He says as he sucks his massive hunger into a big conglodule of snot.
1:34Mike Minogue:That's not what just happened, man. Come on, bro. No one heard that. G'day, fellas. I coped by having a massive feed of Reburger. This person here backing you up, Jase. You're 100 % correct. Your house needs to breathe. Yes.
1:47Keyzie:Yeah, yeah.
1:47Mike Minogue:I didn't realise the house needed to breathe.
1:48Keyzie:I don't think you realise, actually, Kesey, how close you came to death over the weekend. Yeah, right. Well, yeah, I'll never make that mistake again. No, don't. You simply mustn't. For me, Jase, I went with a different way of securing the house this time around. I thought I'd try something else because, of course, there is that famous saying, batten down the hatches. Have you heard of that, Kesey? Yeah, wasn't that like a ship thing? It's nautical. Yeah, that's right. It's nautical. So that's what I did. I battened down the hatches. Now, obviously, I don't have hatches on a house, but I've got windows and doors, et cetera.
2:24So I just went round. And luckily my wife and daughter, my wife had left me again.
2:29Mike Minogue:Yeah, right, for the weekend. Yeah. And so I just went around and just nailed all the windows shut. So nailed all the windows shut, all the doors, put some boards up over the windows as well, nailed all those down, screwed those down as well. The French doors, the whole lot, just nailed everything shut. Right. Which was good because what you don't want, Jase, is what you've got. Now, I know you're handy so you can put the windows back up. when you get them back from the neighbour's joint, whereas I'm not as good as that because I've got a little bit on at the moment. Yeah. So I'd rather just – I thought I'd try and batten down the hatches and just see how we went.
3:05Mike Minogue:Right. And then – so you battened up all the windows, all the doors. All the doors, yeah. And then how did you get inside? That was the thing. Yeah, I was stuck outside. So in the end, I had to chain myself to our trampoline. It was a freaky, freaky experience. Yeah, I can imagine. Didn't that almost fly away last time? It did fly away this time because I don't know if you know, but that was the windiest wind we've had in a long time. And the rainiest rain. And we're sort of over by the Harbour Bridge there, and so we caught one of the great thermals that's going up there, sort of at St. Mary's Bay there.
3:36And I was up probably 600, 700 metres, and terrifying. Hell of a view. God, aren't we lucky to live in Tamaki Makoto? It's a beautiful place, man. Hang on, yeah, it is. But Jesus absolutely put the shits up me.
3:49Keyzie:Yeah, well, not with a trampoline sort of attached here, you know what I mean?
3:52Mike Minogue:Well, how did you, what happened? And how did you land safely? Oh, it wasn't safely so much as I landed on my back. Well, not my back, but the back of the trampoline in the harbour. Oh, right. Yeah, and I got picked up by the Waihiki Ferry. Oh, wow. Thankfully. Yeah, far out. So you still maintain that those two options are better ways to sort of prepare your house than what I did? Well, obviously the mistake that I made was not chaining the trampoline to a fence or something. Yes. That was my error. Yeah. Right. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.
4:26Keyzie:Talking heads there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon. The time is 5.27. I tell you what, fellas, I am fizzing for next year now. Oh, yeah. Can you send that to me, by the way, Mogi? No worries, mate. The itinerary. Yes, the itinerary for my Europe trip.
4:43Mike Minogue:If you've just joined us, Mogi and I have just made a week-long itinerary for Jase to go on holiday to Europe next year. If you missed it, you can always check out the Best of the Big Show podcast, which comes out every day. Good stuff. Another thing I'd love to have a sort of a – it involves you, Jase, a practice run at is you using your new yarn music. Yeah. So yesterday on the show we chose the new end of show music. So just before 7 o 'clock you'll hear the new song. We all voted on it, and this is how we'll close out the show, which is cool.
5:18Mike Minogue:You know, so that's a great little – Pretty catchy, isn't it? It's bloody good. And also, Jase, just because, you know, we love your yarns, whenever you were telling a yarn, we had two songs to choose between, so you can have this underneath it.
5:33Mike Minogue:Which I do quite like.
5:35Keyzie:Can you remember what that's from, Mogi? It kind of feels like our era, man. No, no idea.
5:40Mike Minogue:You must go this one. So what I was thinking is, do you want to tell a yarn? Do you want to, like, just spin a yarn, a classic Hoity J one, and then I'll just bring in the music. Okay, yeah, sure. We just have a...
5:53Keyzie:Maybe I was thinking that first one maybe. Oh, yeah, okay. Well, I sort of feel like we should be sitting here and you should just be talking, Jase. Yeah. And then as the reality of what the story is reveals itself, then that will mean I'll either play this song or this song. Oh, yeah, yeah. It'll fall into one or the other.
6:15Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So do you want to launch into a yarn?
6:19Keyzie:Sure. Tell you what, fellas. You're a cool, of course. Last weekend, my wife and I finally bit the bullet. Reeve the garden. Oh, yes.
6:32Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah.
6:33Keyzie:You know, we both actually hate the gardening side of things, you know, and as a consequence, everything got out of control and it made it even worse. Do you know, I was talking to some of your neighbours and they refer to you as the Twits. That's a great book by the way I'd be stoked Roald Dahl's The Twits You know Sort of got that overgrown there You know
6:53Mike Minogue:Was that Phil? Yeah it was Phil Oh yeah Yeah He's got dementia
6:58Keyzie:So I wouldn't listen to him
6:59Mike Minogue:Yeah right And then what happened in the garden?
7:02Keyzie:And then I said to my wife Because it's so overwhelming It's like Oh when do we even begin? And I said Hey hang about I've got an idea
7:17Keyzie:And she went, oh, yes, darling, what's that? And I said, how about just for one hour, just for one hour, we concentrate on this little section of garden. Yeah. And just strip it out, put it all in the bin there or chuck it down the back and see how we go just for one hour. You're right. Did you do it? We sure did. Did you use any power tools or anything? No, there were no power tools. It was all just human power, fellas. Right. And we were amazed, actually. We were stunned by how much, actually, we cleared out in one hour. Can I be honest with you, fellas? Just as a little aside here, it's probably about an hour 20, an hour 30.
7:59Mike Minogue:An hour 30.
8:00Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Right. So technically it wasn't just one hour.
8:04Mike Minogue:Did anything go wrong? Oh.
8:10Keyzie:You'll recall actually that I said to my wife, you know that we've got a gate down the side of the house there?
8:16Mike Minogue:Yeah.
8:18Keyzie:And we haven't used that gate. And it's not a lie. For 10 years we haven't opened that gate. Wow. 10 years. And you've got to remember that this gate's got being covered in bush.
Read the full transcript
8:32Keyzie:Yeah. So we got rid of all the bush. bugger me if the bar said isn't all rusted up Jase yeah
8:41Mike Minogue:that yarn ruled man it's another great yarn man
8:47Mike Minogue:the Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki
8:53Keyzie:the cult there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening 5.38
8:58Mike Minogue:we have teamed up with our mates at tradetester.co.nz once again for Big Deck Energy Every single Friday this month, we will be calling someone and giving them$2 ,500 worth of trade-tested products. So good. It is great. Trade-tested do all sorts of stuff, outdoor stuff for your deck. If you want to get your deck all set up, your Barbies, your umbrellas, your brollies, your seating, all that sort of stuff, head to tradetested.co.nz, look around there and put together a shopping list worth up to$2 ,500. Then go to hodaki.co.nz, tell us what you've done, enter the comp, and we could be calling you Friday.
9:32Keyzie:And I think we're doing it every Friday this month, fellas. How good.
9:35Mike Minogue:It is awesome. And don't forget, Jase, actually, just quickly, to make your deck great with Trade Tested. Fellas, I've got a bone to pick. Whoa.
9:49Today before the show, I was a little bit peckish, so I went over to the sushi store. Oh, yeah. They do a little bit of a discount over there, fellas. I bought a selection of meats on sticks. Shumai. Pork shumai. Kebab-y type scenarios. Yeah, they are delicious bastards. They are. A couple of spring rolls. Oh, yum.
10:09Keyzie:What are they, curry rolls or spring rolls? Because they're different. I think they're a bit curry-ish, to be honest with you. Nicer than a spring roll. Yes. I don't like a spring roll. Brought them back here. Offered them around. Old Paxan, he was hoeing into the bastards like nobody's business. Very generous. Hoity J, scoffing them back. You bet, yeah. Old Keezy said no. Keezy wasn't interested.
10:31Mike Minogue:I just had just eaten. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So tucked into it. Around about 15 minutes later, old Hoity Jisbok comes into the office. He's smuggled in another packet of chips from the ACC. He's stolen another bag. Yeah, okay. So my hands are clean here. I haven't stolen a bag in a long time.
10:48Keyzie:What a disgraceful lie. What a disgraceful lie. But anyway, carry on with your little story there, Mogey.
11:03Does he offer anyone else a chip? No. Do you see what I'm saying, man? If that was true, Jason, I'm not saying it is. Hypothetically. Hypothetically, yeah.
11:13Mike Minogue:Pathetically. Pathetically.
11:17Keyzie:What would you say about that, man? What I would say is this. On previous occasions where it has been true that I have stolen chips from the ACC.
11:28Mike Minogue:Yeah, okay. So yesterday.
11:30Keyzie:my experience has been every time not once or twice but every time old two fist Mogi needs no invitation to hoe into said stolen chips and so therefore were it say to have happened today which it didn't it is just my expectation that Mogi would naturally two fist it and walk away and put his feet up on the desk there and shove them in his gob.
12:03Mike Minogue:Do you think that's come about, his way of doing it has come about because of your, I don't know, aversion to offering and sharing?
12:11Keyzie:I always offer. What I've noticed is. Except for today. Because of.
12:16Mike Minogue:I mean, hypothetically.
12:17Keyzie:This is what I've noticed. Because of Two Fist Moggy, now Pugsan's doing it. Is he? Because what happens is you create a situation whereby everyone thinks Mogi's going to dive in there, three-quarters of the packet are going to go in one go, so I've got to dive in. So now I've got a scenario where old Pugson in Studio B is also two-fisting it. Right. So I've got four fists happening here, and I ended up sucking out the chips in the corners of the bag remaining. Hypothetically. Hypothetically.
12:53Mike Minogue:Because that was real specific for a hypothetical. Oh, that's good, man. I'm glad you're not. Yeah, well, the only reason, of course, I double fist is because you're such a hummer with those chips. I can't get in there. So I take my one opportunity, I take as many as I can get. Yeah. And then it saves me coming back. But it's good to know that the door is always open for old mogi over there.
13:15Keyzie:Certainly, man.
13:17Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.
13:22Keyzie:David Bowie there on the radio. Hodaki, big show this Thursday evening. Now, I came across a phrase today which I've never heard before, and it's called a stag bag.
13:32Mike Minogue:Yeah, it's something I've invented. It rhymed right, and I'm going on a stag do, and I always take my bag with me, carry on, and there's always certain things I put in a stag bag for whenever I'm going on a staggy. Because big weekend, obviously, you want to make sure that you're really making the most of it by being prepared. I got pugs to find me some heavy, like sort of cool rock and roll stag music. So hang on. Yeah. Because the fellas.
14:00Keyzie:Can I just ask, is a stag bag the same as a fanny pack?
14:04Mike Minogue:It can be a fanny pack, although my stag bag, it needs to be like a over-the-shoulder bag. Right, okay. That you might take on an area, like to the gym or something.
14:12Keyzie:So you're going to a stag do with a fanny pack. Away you go. That's not what I said.
14:17Mike Minogue:Alright fellas, the first thing you need in your stag bag eye mask Right, because you're going to be sharing a bedroom with some blokes who are steamed they're going to be snoring curtains are probably going to be shit light's going to be flooding in, you need a good night's sleep
14:31Keyzie:I'd be more concerned in terms of the snoring with a snozz like yours than you've had a few beersies
14:40I'll tell you what would be a nice touch is if you got some earplugs for everybody else in the house Yeah.
14:44Mike Minogue:It's funny you say that, Mike. Okay. Next thing on the list, air plugs. I've got a whole jar of them. Wow. Just in case, like, I strike up a good relationship with some of the fellas in my room, and I say, fellas, do you want some air plugs? Because I might snort. Although with this little honker, probably not. You'd barely be able to hear it.
15:01Keyzie:Have you cleaned your ears since the last time?
15:06Mike Minogue:Remember when I had really dirty ears?
15:07Keyzie:Yeah, I do.
15:08Mike Minogue:We did an ear hearing test. Yeah, that's right. That was funny. Sleepy drops. Oh, yes. Sleepy drops. Because you need your sleep on a staggy. It's very sleep focused. Yeah, is there any rock and roll happening here at all? Well, I've also got a little Ziploc bag with sleepy tea in it, but just because they quite often don't have it at the Airbnb. They never do. No, they never do.
15:29Keyzie:Did your wife pack that?
15:31Mike Minogue:No. Power bank.
15:35Keyzie:Nice.
15:35Mike Minogue:Because you're going to be out and about. You're going to be doing stuff and your phone might die. Your phone might be playing tunes. You might be doing all sorts of videos. Yes. Take a power bank with you and charge it up. In this case, Jase, that could go in a fanny pack. You need to make sure that your phone's charged because you want to be able to track where your wife's at while you're away.
15:53Keyzie:Yeah. And I was also going to say, I mean, why are you on your phone? You're doing a stag do.
15:59Mike Minogue:I'm not doing a stag. I'm in part, yeah, but, like, you get your phone out for all sorts, Jase. I mean, you haven't been on many, so you wouldn't. Ah, chapstick. It's quite windy down there. We're going down south. It's cold, and you don't want wind burn. Not because I'm kissing boys, Mike. And you're with a lot of dudes. No, that's not why I need to. Actually, I'll get rid of that. Moisturiser. Because you don't want to let you know you've been on the piss. You feel, like, terrible. About a liter of it. About a... Okay, I'm going to get rid of that as well. Antihistamines. Because I wake up a day after drinking, I get the sneezes, remember?
16:36Mike Minogue:Yeah.
16:37Keyzie:Well, I mean, we have a... Every second day, we remember, GZ.
16:41Mike Minogue:I'm going to take my laptop and a wireless mouse down.
16:47Mike Minogue:Just because sometimes you just want to get away. You've been on the piss with the fellas. You just want to get away. I've got a few games downloaded. I'm going to watch some Grand Designs. Oh, yeah. I just want to go play a game on my own for an hour, a bit of quiet time, then back into the action. Settlers of Catan. Yeah. The board game. You ever played that? Goes great. Okay. And then lastly,$4 ,000 worth of cocaine. What do you reckon, fellas? Sounds good. What? The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.
From the publisher
On today's bonus best bits from this week, more storm prep advice, new sting music, and horrific theft.
Follow The Big Show on Instagram
Subscribe to the podcast now on iHeartRadio, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts!
Featuring Jason Hoyte, Mike Minogue, and Keyzie, "The Big Show" drive you home weekdays from 4pm on Radio Hauraki.
Providing a hilarious escape from reality for those ‘backbone’ New Zealanders with plenty of laughs and out-the-gate yarns.
Download the full podcast here:
iHeartRadio
Apple
Spotify
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.