COLD CUTS: Keyzie's Cool Commute

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

0:06Keyzie:Yes indeed, Incubus there on the Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is ten minutes to six o 'clock. And I tell you what, fellas, she really was an action-packed weekend. We had come dine with the fellas at Mogies on the Sunday afternoon, bloody beautiful. On the Saturday afternoon, I went to a movie with my wife and her father. And then my wife and I went to a gig at the power station. And I've got to tell you, it's been a while since old Hoody Jay has been to a live gig.

0:39Mike Minogue:I can't believe you went to the power station. That's awesome.

0:42Keyzie:And seriously, it was so good genuinely being back. I went to so many gigs at the power station and it was like, my God, I used to spend so much time here. I used to do gigs there even. and it's been an age since I've been there, live bands, and I immediately, it just took me back to my sort of prime days, you know what I mean? And when you're listening to live music, you can literally feel the vibration of the music, you know what I mean? It's just pumping through you. And at first, I've got to be honest with you, when my wife and I turned up, I was like, oh, what do you do at a gig these days, especially when you're sober.

1:22Keyzie:Yeah. You know what I mean? And normally back in the day, of course, I'd be off my face cutting shapes. But then I just started to feel the music, you know what I mean? And it was pumping through my veins. And I found myself just sort of wandering to the front of the stage. You know, it was like I couldn't help myself. You know, it was just the music was just in my bones again. I was back in my 20s in my heyday and I'm cutting shapes and I'm just moving and I can feel it pulsing through me, you know what I mean? and I sort of lost all sense of time. And then after about half an hour, I sort of looked around and what I didn't realise is a circle around me and I was just doing all my old moves and everyone was like chanting, hoity J, hoity J, hoity J.

2:09Keyzie:And I was just cutting shapes and it was amazing. And then because we'd had quite a spicy lunch and I was like, oh God. and I was aware of the fact that everyone was looking at me and I wasn't feeling that great in my guts because I'd been jumping around all over the place and I could feel a steamer brewing and I was like, oh, no. And the music was still pumping away and I was sort of slowing down my things and fortunately I was wearing boxer shorts and was able to just really quietly sort of let one go and let it fall down the leg of my pants and just kick it onto the dance floor. But I forgot, I forgot, of course, that everyone was watching me in a circle.

2:54Keyzie:So there was old Hoody J cutting shapes with one of my Grogans just lolling on the dance floor.

3:03Mike Minogue:And what did your wife think?

3:05Keyzie:Oh, she'd already left by that stage as soon as I started dancing, Ashley Keezy. God, it was good though, fellas. I highly recommend. We went to see the Silver Sun pickups, by the way. Not my kind of music, but it was bloody good. Was that because it had a drummer in it? Yeah. Had a bit of a beat. It's not your normal thing, eh? Yeah, it had a beat going on. I was like, what's that about?

3:24Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

3:28Keyzie:The White Stripes there on the Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. Now, fellas, I feel a little bad because I was very disparaging of Keezy's racing pigeon. And I made the comment that he was maybe a bit of a big unit. Oh, yeah. I may have been even more emphatic in the way I described him. He's a big bird. And I felt, you know, sort of hypocritical. It was at the top of the hour here. I was talking to you about the fact that, as Pugsan once described it, I'm getting a bit of a winter pelt going on.

4:02Mike Minogue:And for him to say that about you I think is very, very disrespectful.

4:05Keyzie:Yeah, well, I mean, in fairness to Pugsan, I'm wearing a very tight-fitting sort of merino sort of black hoodie today. Every day. And every other day, yeah. And it really accentuates my buzzy. But you know what? actually seriously triggered it was the video that we released at Mogies. And there was a little shot in there of me sitting on the chair and it looked like I had an enormous gut. And I was like, what is going on there, Hoody J? I mean, I don't mind having pussies and a bit of a gut. But what I've realised, because as you well know, I'm an addict. I'm one of those people that hooks on to something and then can't let it go until I get bored with it.

4:46Keyzie:And what's happened to me since I've moved into town is I've become hooked on your spicy Asian foods, your dumplings, your fried rices. Your noodles. Your noodles, your hot pots. You've recently started a nightly addiction to a yogurt. A frozen yogurt. Yes. Yes, I have. Honestly, Jase, I think you're a shocking bastard. I am a shocking bastard. But I've also noticed as I've been just cruising around the place, I'm constantly got a kind of burning in my system. Yeah. And I realise it's because I'm constantly eating rich, spicy, salty, delicious Asian food. I mean, last night, last night, we all joke.

5:35Keyzie:Boggy, last night. What are you going to have for dinner tonight, Jase? Hot pot? I said hot pot and you went no. Yeah, good one. What did you have? Eating noodles, dumplings and fried rice.

5:46Mike Minogue:That's pretty much how hot pot.

5:47Keyzie:Yeah, and I was just like, what am I? I do this, and it's like my fullback position, and it's my wife's too. She's enabling me in this. She's just, well, we could just do this. She's the worst. And it's like, actually, I've got to pull up, you know, and make a decision here to pull back on the hot, spicy foods. Well, I think it'll be good for you. A few salads never hurt anybody there. Jason, of course you've been running pretty hot on the, is it Mylanta? What's the? Gaviscon. Oh, Gaviscon. It's actually, I've got another brand, but it's a little bit cheaper, but the same thing. Yeah, and that shouldn't be a central or a cornerstone part of any man's diet.

6:28That should be a brief thing to get over something over a day or two, and that should be it.

6:32Keyzie:I tell you what, it's really affecting my stools too, you know, doing that all the time.

6:36Mike Minogue:Because what I picture you doing, Jason, is every single night hot pot or some sort of variation of. Yes. And then a frozen yogurt with, instead of like a chocolate sauce on it, you just pour Gaviscon on top of it. Yes. And that's you. That's every night.

6:50Keyzie:Well, you're exactly right, Kesey, because it's the combination of the cooling nature of the yogurt with Gaviscon on top of it to soothe my burning passages.

7:00Mike Minogue:When was the last time you ate a piece of fruit?

7:03Keyzie:That's a good question. Last week. Really? Yes, a mandarin. One mandarin.

7:10Mike Minogue:Okay. And before then?

7:14Keyzie:Banana.

7:15Mike Minogue:Okay. I don't believe you.

7:17Keyzie:That was before we moved to the city.

7:19Mike Minogue:That was six months ago. Eat some fruit. Okay. Ah, faith no more. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

7:34Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Foo Fighters there on the Hauraki Big Show. This is our Wednesday evening. Fellas, I went to the specialist today. Yes. The specialist. Ear, nose and throat, Kesey. It's one of the big ones. Those guys, they make a few bob, let me tell you there. I went out, but I've also got medical insurance because I believe in free education, free health and all that sort of thing. I believe in that. Yes. But we don't have that here. So when I get sick, I'm happy to pay for it because it means I can be seen too quicker. Although in this instance, it took me four months to get in with an ear, nose and throat specialist.

8:07So now you'd think I'd be better, but I'm not. I just got sick again. I've just done another round of antibiotics. So I'm trying to get them to operate on me so I don't have to do four or five rounds of antibiotics a year.

8:18Mike Minogue:Because that's bad. You can't keep doing that. It's not good, man. It's not good. So anyway, made the appointment, got out there. I actually rang them on the way out there and said, look, I'm sorry, I'm running late. I'm going to be 10 minutes late. I'm meant to be there in two minutes, so I'm going to be another 10 to 12. She said, oh, that's fine. And the reason why she said that was because when I got there, it was another half an hour before I got in with the ear, nose and throat specialist. Wow. And it's always slightly bewildering for me because it's a half an hour appointment. Yes. What are we doing in there?

8:46What's taking someone?

8:47Mike Minogue:Well, maybe someone with a huge honker and massive ears walked in and was like, I'm going to have to push everything on my calendar back. And a huge throat. Yes.

8:56Keyzie:And you've got to, as you mentioned, if you put the word specialist before them, you're going to be charged big bucks. And time is money, Moggy. So they're probably stretching it out. Absolutely it is. But this guy, a lovely guy, was a fan of the show. Oh, nice. But he obviously realises that he's charging a few bobs, so he wants to give you bang for your buck. Yes. So he's getting out the pictures. He's getting the pictures out, and he's showing you on the diagram, these are your sinuses, this is what's going on here. This is why we think that the body has evolved this way, to have these things on it.

9:34Here is your X-ray. this is your x-ray the front of you and just going step by step now i don't i like really really nice yeah i hate it i hate it tell me what's wrong with me tell me the solution and get me out of here um and i'm just sitting there and there and he's trying to give me as much information as he possibly can well now i know and mate you were great but now i know why you were running so late yes you got to shorten it up man you got to shorten it up you really got to start being a bit more specific and just delivering that messaging quicker. I don't need to know any of that stuff.

10:08All I need to know is A, what's wrong with me, and B, what the cure is. Agreed. In terms of knowledge, that's your job as a specialist. I prefer to be uneducated and well than have somebody banging on at me for half an hour.

10:22Keyzie:I'll be honest with you, Moggy, that's why I don't go to the doctor. Because they just go, oh, you've got this, you've got this, you've got this, and it's like I'm a busy man. Exactly. No, you're not. I'm missing the movie channel right now. Can we hurry it along?

10:37Mike Minogue:You know what I'm saying? But to be fair, though, I remember when I was quite poor and I had to go to the chiropractor, and I went to the chiropractor for the first time in my life, and I walked in there. He's like, G'day, man, what's going on? I saw back, cool. Adjusted it, and then I was like, cool. Should I put heat on it? He's like, does it make you feel better when you put heat on it? And I was like, I guess so. He's like, yeah, sure, then do it. And then walked out, and I was like, cool, there's like$150, and he did F all. Yes. Yeah, the worst one I've come across, and that guy was great, but the worst one I've come across was a dermatologist, and they have a 15-minute appointment, and they charge like$500 or$600.

11:14Wow. It's outrageous. Absolutely unbelievable. Should we become radio specialists?

11:20Mike Minogue:Yes. I think so.