COLD CUTS: Livin' The Dream

0:00The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Nirvana there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. The time is 37 minutes past six o 'clock. Let's have some meat patty nips. Meat patty nips 69 at gbow.com. Get in touch with the fellas. If you don't know what Meat Patty Nips are With the fellas I don't trust that at all Good on you, Jason It's an advice segment It's been done now We got the audience to pick our email address and they voted for MeatPattyNips69 at gmail.com That has now been set up If you need advice on anything, we're 100 % anonymous and if we read it on the show, you get a prize So it's worth doing, and fellas, we're starting to run low Are we?

0:51Yeah, I'm just saying, I'm just letting the listeners know we're running low Maybe we need to be a bit more specific I think the fact that it's so general is probably what was putting people off. How about if you need any help with your sex life? Sure. Why don't we just start with that? Well, why don't you just say whatever you want? Because, yeah, then people don't. But if we say, you know, if you've got specific issues with your sex life. Like erectile dysfunction, Casey. Erectile dysfunction, just as an example. Sure. Just for example. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're going to email in. Pre-ejaculation, for example.

1:21Yes, yes. Yeah, a bit quick. Yeah. A bit quick to the party, aren't you? Leaking nipples. Yes. I used to have that. Yeah, yeah. I could squeeze my left nipple keys in. Absolute all sorts would come out. Yeah, yeah. That is disgusting. What do you mean, yeah, yeah, yeah? Weird circumcisions. Yes. So you're saying, let's just make this all about filth, is what you're saying. It's not filth at all. It's not filth. It's just a human body, Keith. And when you call it filth, you actually attach shame to these problems. Thank you, Moggy. I was just about to say that. But all sorts coming out of your left nipple is disgusting.

1:54Well, now I feel like I've never mentioned it. Yeah. Hey, guys, really good question here has come in from Anonymous. G'day, fella. Long-time listener, first-time caller. Bit of a relationship dilemma and need some advice. I'm currently coming to the end of my stint here in London and have met a lovely girl here who is keen to move home together with me back to New Zealand. I've recently been offered a job in Barcelona, however, and I'm bloody keen to tuck into it. Basically, my question is how should I tell her that I'm leaving her for a life of cervezas and beach busies and do I do it over text or email?

2:26Cheers.

2:29Can I say the beauty of a romance when you're living in a country that's not your own is mystery. Mystery. So I think rather than a text, rather than an email, rather than a meeting in person, I think he just vanishes one day. Yes, very good. And she never knows what's happened to him. Has he moved back to New Zealand? Has he moved to Barcelona? has he been murdered and thrown in the Thames? She'll never know. Yeah. That's good, right? That is sexy. For who? For everyone involved. What, him being murdered and thrown in the Thames? How's that sense? Well, not literally. He hasn't been, though. No, I know.

3:06He's a scarper without saying a word. See, my initial instinct is that that's coward. You know, you've got to say it to her. Like, look, we're young. I've been offered a job in Barcelona. I want to go. So you're saying that he should say to her, I'm moving to Barcelona for buses on the beach. No, he doesn't need to say that last part. He just said, I'm moving to Barcelona. I'm too young. I don't want to go back to New Zealand yet. But how many people in her life are going to tell her that they don't want to be with her anymore? 30? 50? Well, I don't think so. It could be 100. One or two. But how many are going to disappear and could have been chopped up and thrown into the Thames?

3:42Why into the Thames? Well, he lives in London. Yeah. Yeah, so the Thames. There's no other rivers there. Why rivers? I don't know. Makes sense. Okay, so we're all voting for, and it's obviously a majority rule. We're all voting for... What would be your option? As I said, I'd tell her. I'd say, I want to go to Barcelona. I've got my life left ahead of me. I'm still young. So you would say to her, I'm going to move to Barcelona for the buzzies on the beach? I wouldn't say that second part, because to be honest, I think he's looking at Barcelona with rose-tinted glasses. So he wouldn't say moving to Barcelona for buzzies, but don't mention the beach?

4:16No, I'd mention the beach. But let's be honest, this guy who's too much of a C word. Coward. Champion. To even tell her that he wants to go. He's not going to be able to walk up to some buzzies on the beach and say, G'day, mate. How are you? Like, you know, come on, man. Well, I mean, you don't. No, you say, Hola. Hola. Si, si. You can't say g'day. They don't know what you're talking about. Those buzzies would be completely confused. So you're just talking straight to the buzzies at this point, are you? Well, look, that's my advice, but we'll go with yours. Just disappear. Yeah. Good stuff, fellas.

4:46Don't forget, we need more questions, so get in touch. Meet Paddy Knip, 69gmail.com. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Radio Head there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. The time is 24 minutes past 5 o 'clock. Fellas, I was having an interesting discussion with my wife yesterday, which was, like, if you could, because we consume and listen to a lot of podcasts and radio shows and stuff. Yeah. And obviously I work in that space. And it was like, if you could build a dream sort of radio show or podcast out of anyone in the world, who would it be? Who would you use to make up that show?

5:24And it was quite an interesting discussion. Have you guys ever thought about this at all or just me? Yeah. Oh, no, I've certainly. It's funny you should bring this up, actually, Kesey, because the other day when we did Day and Lou, I thought Suzanne, Paul, and I just had. Oh, yeah, totally. Just a, I don't know, chemistry, I guess you'd call it. I guess so. It was fizzing. And that's a great affair to have, absolutely. But what about a podcast? Well, I just, because, you know, as you probably noticed, we were chatting off air, you know. She was bagging you. It wasn't just the normal, you know, the electricity you saw on air.

6:00It was more actually off air than I thought. Yeah. Jeez, you know, Suzanne and I could do a good potty. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Or a radio show. Well, because it's interesting. Because after having Suzanne, I was thinking the same thing. She's great. Yes. You know? And so I was like. I don't think she was as into you as she was me. Yeah, that's all good. I'm sweet with that. Yeah, yeah. I'm so sweet with that. But I was like, a good podcast, because I like to think if there's a really good podcast, dream podcast, I'd be part of it. Well, if it's a dream podcast and you're thinking of it, then you should be in it because it's your dream.

6:34Exactly. You know, I don't think worldwide people would put you in it, but for you yourself, you would put you in it. Yeah. Yeah, true, mate. I mean, for me, I'm radio through and through. Podcasting to me is a flash in the pan. It's not going to last very long. Radio till the day I die. But if I had to, you know that Joe Rogan? Oh, yeah? So you just put him on your podcast with you, would you? Yeah, I'd probably get him drinks. I mean, if I'm doing it to make money, then I'd probably get that guy and that other guy. Who's the other guy? Diary of a CEO. Get those guys talking to each other. I'll make one podcast out of that.

7:07That's electricity. And you're not even part of it. You're just getting them drinks. No, yeah, yeah, I'll be there. Like, I'll give them ideas on that. Like that caretaker idea we had earlier on, like a movie about caretakers. Don't be into that. Sorry, that's you giving them an idea. Yeah, yeah, so they talk about a movie for a caretaker, a movie about caretakers in New Zealand. That's so true. Like you, Mogi, I'm... That's a dream. I'm radio through and through too, actually. You are. So for many, many, many, many years, I had a dream in terms... Because I always wanted to do Drive, you know.

7:40and I had one person in mind all that time who I thought it would be a dream come true. Hilary, no, what's her name? The red. Maggie Barry. Maggie Barry, yeah. The red one. The red one. Maggie Barry. Oh, Maggie Barry, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a backbone. Actually, I'd love to do a show with like a Maggie Barry or a Hilary Barry or a Suzanne Paul. Obviously, I'd sort of be the guy running the desk and that and be part of it. Mogi, I reckon you'd be a good off-sider. Yeah, I think so. You'd just be there sort of, you know, coming in. Yeah, that's right. I sort of come in sort of like with the things at the end there.

8:17What do you call those? I don't know. Kickers. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Jace. Well, no, probably have Suzanne Paul in the Jace spot. In the Jace role. Yeah. Because, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was just one idea, obviously, Jace. Yeah, there's so many. There's so many. But for you, though, Keith, because it's your dream. Oh, for me personally? Yeah. That was it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, just Mogey. It would be me. Me, Mogey, Suzanne, Paul. Yeah, that's right. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. And we've been having a chat to Suzanne, haven't we, Keezy? And it sounds like she's pretty keen. She's keen.

8:53So fingers crossed, Jase. Cross your fingers for us, man. Right, okay. And, oh, no, that's. Pugs is obviously going to be, he'll be. We can't do it without Pugs. Yeah. Yeah, well, I was talking to him about Maggie, and he was getting in contact with her. Oh, no, no, he was just saying he wasn't. Oh, right, okay. She's not interested. Maggie isn't? Nah. She was like, oh, is he going to wear those boots? And he was like, yeah. And she was like. I was just outside having a vape before, fellas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a dude walked past and went, nice boot, hoity, Jay. See? So cool. So we're just lying now, like, constantly on our shows.

9:34Is that what this is due to? See?

9:38The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. The raconteurs here on the Big Show Breakfast. But right now it's time for... Well, no, we've got to ask people to text in first. Oh, yeah. Could you text in what you're having for breakfast, please? So what we're asking, I think, and I wasn't really listening either, Jase, to be honest with you. Guys, what are we doing here, man? I did ask you if we had a sting for that. Oh, so it's my – okay, sorry, my bad. Hey, everyone listening, text us 3483. What are you having for breakfast this very early Thursday morning, which feels way too early to be getting crucified for something you didn't really do.

10:213483, what are you having for breakfast? And you'd better make it quick because Jase is waiting. Yeah, because Jase is about to freak out. Jase has had some things happen in his head. that he thinks he said it out loud. 3483. Also, every single text goes in the drawer for a prize, including a backbone T-shirt. Maybe there's a few good things floating around. But include your name and what you do for a crust as well, you know, because we like to get a bit more specific. Yeah, that's right. Have you guys had brekkie today? I tell you what, I've changed my system a little bit from yesterday. I've learned a little bit.

10:54So, yeah, I've made myself a coffee today before I left the house, and a pita bread with a bit of peanut butter on it feels. Oh, wow. That's random. I was starving yesterday, and then we asked our boss if he could get us a cheese scone. He didn't answer us, and he didn't buy it. No. Wow. Fuming. So, Jase. Absolutely filthy. In the next break. Yes. Can we start with now it's time for, and then I'll play the breakfast. Oh, so there is a sting. Yes, there's a sting once we've got the texts. Right, okay. In the meantime, here's Chemical Brothers. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

11:33Yes, indeed. Tom Petty there on the Big Show Breakfast this Thursday morning. The time is exactly 6.37. Fellas, there is an export ultra dump that the Brekkie Show boys usually do. However, this time it will include a stack of dad's pies for your workplace. Oh, how good. Because of this Bear and Pie July. It's normally on a Friday. Today, it's going to be Thursday because tomorrow's Matariki, of course. So to be in to win a giant export ultra dump and a whole heap of dad's pies, text DUMP followed by... You all right there, Keezy? Followed by your workplace name and address to 3483. How good, man.

12:11Hey, let's get back to some brekkie chat, eh? Hi, Reckon. Hey, guys, text here from Steve. What's on the breakfast? With me, Keezy. So many delicious breakfasts coming through, fellas. I'm salivating. Are you? Nah, just put some mayo on it just to sell it. G'day there, fellas. Noah here. Zach. Huh? Noah's Zach. Noah's Zach. Oh, yeah, nice. G'day, guys. Noah's Zach here, the drain layer. He's been laying some pipe, Jase. Yeah. Moggy. A blue V and some chicken nuggets for breakfast. Cheers. What is it with the blue Vs? Seriously. Breakfast Blues. Yeah, maybe. When the Blue V, when it came out, I got addicted to it for sure.

12:58And I don't have an addictive personality. I loved them. Is it a boysenberry or something? What are we dealing with? Just Blue. It's like a wild, tropical-y flavour. Right. I don't know why, but it just. I can't deal with any of those drinks when they start going off-piste. I like the Red Bull. I like just a normal V. I like the Red Bull. I don't like, and even a Coke, they're doing vanilla Cokes and cherry Cokes and all of that. Yeah, I'm with you, Mogi. Garbage, get rid of it. Lights off missionary for old Mogey. Yes, totally. Absolutely just plowing away. What, at the V?

13:35It's 6.39. G'day, fellas. Kieran here. Reid. McAnulty. It's Kieran Reid. He's text through. G'day, guys. Kieran from Christchurch. I'm a policeman. Oh. Shh. I check here. Last night's leftover pizza. Oh, yeah. You're a shocking bastard. Well, no, that's fair enough. I love leftover pizza. Yeah, so do I. Do you microwave it or do you have it cold? I air fry it. Do you have to clean out your steamer first? I do a steamer and then I air fry my, you know, leftover pizza. We have talked about steamers so much already. When it comes to the pizza, it depends actually where the pizza comes from. Yes, true.

14:16I often find some of your fancy ones, that needs to go in the microwave. It's not as good cold. Yeah, so if I get a Sal's or something, that'll be in the old oven cook that. Yeah, boy, get it. If it's a Hell's, I'll just microwave nuke it. Same with a Pizza Hut. I never, ever do the microwave for pizza. Ever. Ever. Sometimes, though? Ever. Okay. Just a couple of times. Air fryer, oven, never. Let me repeat, never. The microwave. The microwave. Is that because it's on top of the fridge and you can't reach? Yes. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.