COLD CUTS: Medicinal Te-Ledoz

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

0:06Keyzie:Pixies there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. Fellas, let's give out some advice.

0:14Mike Minogue:Be pretty nips 69 at gmail.com. Get in touch with the fellas.

0:24Keyzie:With the fellas!

0:27Mike Minogue:Jase, do you have to yell that? Yes. Okay, fair enough. It's a real email address, meetpattynips69 at gmail.com. Get in touch with an advice question. We're 100 % anonymous, and if we read it on the show, boom, you get a prize. Fellas, this one comes in from anonymous. G'day there, fellas. Fell. So my mate has had this... Feel good, man? You all right? Yeah, man, sorry. What are you coughing on? All that vapour? No. It's the Nicorette, actually. Right, okay. G'day, fellas. Anonymous here. Oh, yes. You said that. So my mate has had this girlfriend for about five months now, and let's just say I'm not the biggest fan.

1:05Mike Minogue:I haven't said anything or implied anything, but her and them together are really getting to me. How old is this? What should I do about this? Is that an old one? No, it's a new one. Okay. What do you think? Sleep with him. Make her jealous and she'll wake up with it. I feel like we've done this before. It's a genuine conundrum, though, especially, you know, certainly in my case.

1:28Keyzie:Yeah.

1:28Mike Minogue:I made an eye.

1:29Keyzie:Like no one likes your wife.

1:31Mike Minogue:Or no one likes you.

1:33Keyzie:Or no one likes you. Literally neither of those. Probably more accurately.

1:36Mike Minogue:Well, when I was a young fella, I was welded at the hip to this other fella. We were best mates. Oh, yeah. And then he got a girlfriend and then all of a sudden, cold turkey. Yes. Yes. It's tough. And it's also hard to know whether I did that to other mates. When I met Lucy, my now wife, you know? Yes. Yeah. I had the same thing happen. and I had a mate and then he would just disappear. But you can understand when you're a young fella and you've got your old mate leading you astray, you can understand it. But then this is a different sort of thing because it's not a case of somebody leading you astray, like a partner.

2:11It's just that she's still there, he's still there, but he doesn't like them together.

2:15Mike Minogue:Is that what he's saying? Essentially, yeah, I'm not the biggest fan. Not the biggest fan, yeah. So what do I do when your best mate or mate gets a new missus or mister and you can't bear them? It is tricky. It's also a classic. It's very tricky. It sounds like you're in love with her.

2:31Keyzie:I was guilty of that. But when I'd meet someone, I'd just ditch all my mates. Yeah. Just make love all the time. Not really, though. Just follow them around. And you know what I always love is when you break up with someone. Yeah, I love that too. And then all your mates go, yeah, I never, and then they just bag her. And then you get back with them. That happens so often. And then you get back with them after you've found out that none of them like them. Yeah, no one liked them.

2:57Mike Minogue:Yeah. It is funny, though, because some mates, their partners, and I'd say all of our partners included and Pugs as well, it's great when the partner's there. Yeah. Partner's coming, great. Partner's not coming, great as well. Who cares? Yeah. But there are friends who it's like, the partner's coming, oh, okay. There are. And you have to sort of change things. Partner's coming. Or change expectations. Yeah. Which is a shame. What day was that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like how we're all going to go together to this comedy night in a few weeks' time. Oh, yes. With all the partners. Yes. And so I'll be bringing my partner, and you'll be bringing your partner, and it'll be great.

3:31Mike Minogue:Why'd you say it like that? Yeah, it was a bit weird. What do you mean? I just said, it'll be great. I always say it like that. It'll be great. What are you saying, Keezy? Nothing. Okay, I'll admit, I don't like you and your wife together. All right, Jase, I think it's time for you to break up. All right? There it's out. That email was from me. That email's from me. But, yeah, bang him and then she'll get jealous. Yeah, yeah, sure. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

4:02Keyzie:Green day there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show. This Tuesday night, the time, 6.36.

4:07Mike Minogue:Fellas, let's look at current events. What's on the news? With me, Casey.

4:19Keyzie:Why are there like bowling balls in your sting?

4:23Mike Minogue:I have no idea. Pugs made it. Fellas, huge news out of South Africa. There was a missing hotelier. Oh, hotelier. Hotelier. 59-year-old Gabriel Batista was his name. He's missing. They didn't know where he was. There was some flooding that happened. And then, unfortunately, someone spotted a really massive crocodile. Oh, God. Huge. And when the helicopter flew overhead, it didn't even bother hopping in the river or getting out the way or anything. Usually they'll jump underwater. This one was so big, it didn't even bother. And they were like, hang on, we've got to check this croc out. Fortunately, they tranquilised the crocodile there, checked inside its puku.

5:01Mike Minogue:Yeah. And, oh, Gabriel was in there. They also found six other pairs of shoes inside the crocodile. Now, people were like, oh no, it's eaten all these other people. But actually, they were saying, you know, following a flood, crocodiles would just eat anything. So if a shoe floats past, boom, you'll eat it. Yeah, but it also could have been six people. It could have also been. We don't know. We just don't know. Because I saw the image there, because it was getting dragged underneath the helicopter, that crocodile. Yeah. I thought it was doing one of those helicopter bungee jumps or something. The crocodile.

5:31Yeah.

5:31Keyzie:Did you also notice a guy above the crocodile? Oh, yeah. It was in a tandem. It's like, what's going on there?

5:38Mike Minogue:Well, I think his job is to hang down from the helicopter on a rope, get down to the crocodile, Attach the bungee cord Yeah to its feet And then count three two one And then he jumps off Bungee Yeah bungee Yeah And I think his job also Is to put a little GoPro On the crocodile's paw Yeah And then charge it an extra 180 If it wants to take that video back Yeah Yeah yeah Yeah that makes sense Well it's pretty freaky isn't it You can't trust a crocodile That's what I found No You know they act like your friend one minute Next thing you know You're in their stomach Or puku as you call it I don't think they act like your friend Oh yeah they can do Have you not heard of the phrase There's crocodile tears.

6:13Yeah, charming bastards sometimes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They'll talk your pants off, Keezy. A crocodile. What?

6:21Keyzie:Did they... What was that? Did they stick a camera down its gut or did they kill it? No, that was the rectum. Oh, up the butt? Up the butt. Yeah, they said go up...

6:34Mike Minogue:They went up the butt. They put a GoPro up there. Right, yeah. So you know the crocodile that had the GoPro on its paw? Yeah, not that one. It was a different one. Right, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Up the butt. But that does beg the question on 3483, what have you found inside a crocodile? That's right. I'm dying to know.

6:52Keyzie:Because I'd imagine there'd be some pretty whack, I mean, GoPros probably.

6:56Mike Minogue:Sure, yeah. Oh, yes. Sure, yeah. Because there would be some wacky stuff. Inside a crocodile? Yeah. Oh, they would have some weird stuff inside them. Those bastards will eat anything. The crazy thing about a crocodile, though, is because they've got powerful jaws. Do they? Yeah, obviously. but the muscles that make their jaw go up, their top part of their jaw go up, are very, very weak. And so it's actually really easy to keep a crocodile's mouth closed. So if your crocodile there was an opening batter, be very bottom hand heavy. Right strong on the bottom hand? That is exactly what I'm trying to say.

7:37Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who would be an example of that, Jase? Is that your Kane Williamson?

7:40Keyzie:He's a bottom hand all day, isn't he? Oh, that'll be more your Finn Allens, I think. Oh! Yeah. Yeah.

7:48Mike Minogue:Well, there you go. That's interesting stuff. It is. Do you know that they, to digest food, Casey, like this hotelier, they eat rocks. Really? They eat rocks, and that's what helps mash up the hoteliers and any other South Africans they might have. And the shoes and the GoPros. Oh, you're right. It's good stuff, fellas. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

8:18Keyzie:Smashing pumpkins there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. The time is 13 minutes past six o 'clock and fellas, I'm starving. And I just noticed there's a loaf of bread out there. Would it be all gee, you reckon, if I just helped myself? I mean, that's in line with what you do. What I normally do. Yeah, I'm just worried I'd do that and then someone will come out and go, So, oi, from flavour or something. Just have a couple of bites and then just squirt tomato sauce all through the microwave and should be all good. Okay, sweet.

8:48Mike Minogue:Usually, if there's any food out there like that, it's usually purchased by one of the office members. Yes. And they store their food out there. So one of the peasants, as you call them.

8:56Keyzie:Oh, well, they're not here, so I might as well just help myself.

8:59Mike Minogue:Yeah, you may as well. I mean, you only get paid like 20 times the amount they do. True. Lucky bastard. Hey, fellas, I've actually got a food dilemma as well. Oh, my God. So tonight for dinner, we were like, oh, let's make it easy. Lucy's, my wife's mother, she quite often cooks lots of stuff and then puts it in her freezer. And then when she comes up to Auckland, she'll bring a bag full of frozen food for us to have whenever we, you know, need a quick meal, which is really great. Like your cheese rolls, for example. Yes, cheers. Punnets of soup and then frozen things of cheese rolls. I'll get a cup of cheese rolls out, put them in the oven, cook the soup up, beautiful combo.

9:34Mike Minogue:Does she fly up with that stuff? Sometimes, yeah. Or usually when we go down to Christchurch, we'll do like a chicken bag and fill it up with food. It rules, man. So tonight we were like, let's get out that homemade pie she made and have that for dinner tonight. So I got the homemade pie out and I was like, man, it sure looked a lot bigger down at the bottom of the deep freeze there. When I reached down and pulled it up to my face, I was like, that's a one player pie. That is for one person. It's a Keezy pie. It's a Keezy pie. To be honest, yeah. It's not even a Keezy pie. It's not even a Keezy pie.

10:04Mike Minogue:So it's bigger than, I'd say, a pie you'd get from the gas station. It's slightly bigger than that. If you were to stretch out a pie from the gas station slightly, like maybe five centimetres, and make it into an oval, you know, stretch it out. So it's enough for two? More than enough for two? It's not quite enough for two. Oh. And my wife's got home, and she's seen it, and she's agreed. She's like, oh, it's probably not enough for both of us, is it? So my question is, how do I flesh out that meal? Because I've suggested, why don't I just stop at the gas station and get another pie. Yeah. And then bring that home, cut that one in half, cut the homemade one in half, have half of half.

10:39Well, what you would actually do is you'd stop off at the gas station, you'd get two pies. You'd eat one on the way home and then take the other one into the house and go, here's my pie.