In short
Workplace toilet etiquette and bodily noises; gas/fart habits; awkwardness with others; rugby league trip hype; listener call-ins about “backbone” masculinity; baby/parenting social faux pas; a dispute about being criticized for one host’s butt/appearance.
Guests
No external guests; recurring hosts are Jace, Mike, and Keezy (plus “Mogi”/“Moggy” and “Pugs” referenced as part of the show).
Key claims
Farting at work is “all part and parcel,” but it’s polite to avoid doing it in front of others; Keezy uses an “app” and exercises to tighten control; he “burns away” a patch of lawn by squatting to poop; Jeremy Wells “rips all the time,” including on Seven Sharp; Keezy’s newborn-photo reaction was a mistake (hoping for a boy/heart-eyes emoji); hosts should support each other if showing off “downstairs,” but criticism escalated.
Notable examples
Keezy hears Jeremy Wells farting at urinals; “crop dusting” on a flight; Magic Round Suncorp Stadium trip; call-ins from a lumberjack, forklift driver, and student pilot.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOToilet Talk: Breaking Social Norms
0:04 to 1:40
Discussion on the etiquette of using work toilets and bodily functions.
“Yes indeed, Nirvana there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening.”
Awkward Encounters in the Lavatory
1:40 to 3:14
A humorous recount of an encounter with a colleague in the work toilet.
“But Keesley, you do run a slightly different operation Because you also don't do number twos outside of your house Correct?”
Gas Accumulation and Releases
3:14 to 4:40
A light-hearted discussion about personal gas and the implications of releasing it.
“It was like that, but like quiet, like this.”
Planning for Rugby League Magic Round
4:40 to 7:24
Conversation about the upcoming rugby league event and drinking responsibly.
“Do you have a vast accumulation of gas throughout the day that you then release in your home patch?”
Listeners Call In with Their Stories
8:09 to 10:05
Listeners share their backgrounds and opinions during a call-in segment.
“I think they let us crank it up for like 15 k's an hour.”
Uncle Keezy's Baby Blunder
10:05 to 12:20
Keezy recounts an embarrassing moment regarding a friend's newborn child.
“You just got to be careful, man, when it comes to other blokes' wives.”
Discussion on Body Image
12:20 to 14:01
A conversation about body image and a humorous take on personal appearance.
“this child has been on the planet for one day and I've already.”
Discussion on Body Image
14:06 to 17:01
The hosts discuss a previous podcast episode about body image and insecurities.
“Yes, indeed, Harvey Danger there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this beautiful Friday afternoon.”
Support Among Friends
17:01 to 17:48
The hosts explore the importance of support when sharing vulnerabilities.
“But I think in future, you know, if one of us wants to get half naked in the studio and show each other our downstairs, then there should be a lot of support for one another.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.
0:07Keyzie:Yes indeed, Nirvana there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. The time is 5.41.
0:14Mike Minogue:Hey fellas, what's your opinion on when you're using a work toilet, going wheeze, ripping ass while you're doing it? What's your vibe on that? I think it's just all part and parcel of being a backbone.
0:27Keyzie:Right, so it's all G? Well, I'm of an age now, Keezy, where I don't really have a choice in that. That's a good point, man. You know what I mean?
0:36Mike Minogue:In terms of ripping ass. Is that a thing that happens? You can no longer, when you're going wheeze, and as a bloke, every bloke knows when you're going wheeze, it's always, you know. It's an opportunity there. Yeah. But yeah, because you're sort of of an age, Jase, where you're sort of losing control of your sphincter.
0:51Keyzie:Yeah, well, I've got an app for that now, just to tighten that up a bit. An app? Yeah. Just some exercises you can do there, Keezy.
0:58Mike Minogue:Yeah, nice, man. That's great. Okay, so you guys don't see it. Because the way I vibe it is if you're in the work toilets and it's just me, maybe you'll be ripping out of it. You'll be ripping out of it if you need to. You'll be letting it rip. No, I don't know if I'd be letting it rip, but I'd be, you know, giving it death. Giving it death, yeah. Whereas if someone else is in there with me, I probably would hold it in or make it silent. That's my vibe.
1:24Keyzie:I mean, I've always been of the opinion that it's polite to not wrap arse in the presence of other people. Having said that, on the way back from Melbourne, on my flight home, I had terrible pangs in my stomach, and so I was walking up and down the aisle there crop dusting. Nice. Do you not just bury it into your seat? I try to, but then the stench. But Keesley, you do run a slightly different operation Because you also don't do number twos outside of your house Correct?
1:59Mike Minogue:Well, outside of my... I don't like doing number twos at work, no No, that's right Yeah, I don't know what that's got to do with anything So anyway, if I could just stare it back to this yarn in particular What was the question again, specifically? So this morning I was using the work facilities And I was at the urinal there Facing the door as usual No, don't face the door, Mogi, alright So I walked in and there was someone in the cubicles, door open, going wheeze. Now, I didn't look as to who it was. I was just eyes to the front, Keezy, which I know you struggle with, Jase. And I walked to the urinal and I started doing my business.
2:32Mike Minogue:Now, behind me, someone's going wheeze and then lets out a fart. Okay? Now, after I was still going wheeze, he finishes up, washes his hands and then goes, see you later, Keezy, and it was Jeremy Wells. Yeah. Now, I wasn't sure if he had done a fart. I wasn't sure if I'd mishear, but I was pretty sure he let one rip.
2:49Keyzie:Oh, he rips all the time, Jezzy.
2:52Mike Minogue:He does, yeah. And so I've asked Pugs to find me some clips here of random... I'm going to try and find the one that most represents... No, it wasn't that. It was kind of... No, it wasn't that. It was... No. What about that one? It wasn't that either. No, these are probably a bit too full on to me. What about that one? It wasn't that either. What was that second one there? What second? That sounds like a Jerry one. It was like that, but like quiet, like this. You know what I mean? It was like that. Right, okay. It's the sort of thing that could have been happening in the woman's toilet next door, which is through the wall, you know?
3:29It sounded far away.
3:30Mike Minogue:It sounded kind of far away, and I was just like, did Jerry just rip ass whilst, and then, you know. Yeah. I was just like, is that awkward or is that all G? Because you're in the toilet, right? Well, to be fair to Jerry, he was the master of his own universe when you walked in, so he was ripping ass in private. And you came in and you intruded. Why didn't you intrude on him? So if you had walked in, Jerry was in there and you ripped ass, that would have been unacceptable. Right. But Jerry was already there, you walked in, he didn't know that he knew you, so he ripped ass. Now, if he had known that it was Keezy, he probably would have made another decision there.
4:04But because he had his back to you and he was in the toilet in the cubicle, he didn't know that it was you.
4:08Mike Minogue:So he heard, assumed it was a stranger, and then thought, I can rip ass here because it's a stranger. Well, he's thinking to himself, I've got rip ass money. You know, he's got breakfast money, he's got Seven Sharp money. He's just ripping ass less than right. He does what he wants. He's a different breed altogether from you, Keezy. I've seen Seven Sharp. He ripped ass live on air on the couch next to Hills Bass. Really? He's an animal.
4:28Keyzie:Yeah, totally. Right, okay. Can I just ask, because, you know, you don't like to rip ass in front of people, Keezy, and that's very good, man.
4:35Mike Minogue:Oh, arrest me. I don't like to fart in front of people. No, I agree with you. What a weirdo. I've seen him cuppers. No, wait.
4:41Keyzie:Can I get to my question, please? Sure. Do you have a vast accumulation of gas throughout the day that you then release in your home patch? He's got gas reserves second only to Bahrain in Australia.
4:57Mike Minogue:Yeah, except... Yeah, good question, Jase. The answer to that is yes. It's a vast reserve. Then when I get home, I hop out of the car and there's a specific patch of grass on the front lawn there. It's completely burned. It's burned away now.
5:12Keyzie:What, you squat down onto the grass?
5:14Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, I squat down, Jase. Yeah, yeah, I squat down.
5:16Keyzie:You're a shopping grass. Oh, you're a filthy grass.
5:19Mike Minogue:Totally.
5:21Keyzie:It's funny because your grass is dead, whereas when I did that with my tomatoes, they flourished. Oh, that is so great. Can you throw it a muse, please? Okay.
5:31Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.
5:36Keyzie:Let's put another mad bastard on the bed. Bloody Oath, fellas. Fellas. Bloody Oath. Let's do it.
5:44Mike Minogue:We're not far off now, guys. Mid-May. Just checking my calendar there. We're talking May 15th, 16th, and 17th. Oh, my God. I'm not ready for this.
5:55Keyzie:Yeah, you are, Keezy, man.
5:57Mike Minogue:I'm freaking out, man.
5:58Keyzie:As Moggy suggested, and I think you should do it, you should get some pre-training in. A couple of, you know, red wines at night, a couple of snifters, a couple of shots. What is a snifter?
6:08Mike Minogue:Isn't that a lolly? No, it's sort of a big goblet of your brandies, that sort of thing. Well, that's not what I'll be drinking over it.
6:17Keyzie:I know, but it's just a way of conditioning your liver. That's right. You know what I mean? Showing it to who's boss. Who's boss, exactly.
6:24Mike Minogue:Sorry, fellas, I'm going there for the rugby league, all right? You go for the rugby league, you stay for the piss. Responsibly. We are heading to magic round. It is three amazing nights. Suncorp Stadium in Brisbane, eight games of rugby league. The Wars are taking on the Broncos. It's going to be a packed house, all thanks to boyschip.co.nz. Sports travel made easy. You get free flights, free accommodation, and you get to bring a mate.
6:46Keyzie:Yeah, great stuff. Let's go to the phone lines. G'day, Luke, you mad bastard. How's life?
6:51Mike Minogue:Yeah, g'day, fellas. Bloody excellent. Yourself? Yeah, good, mate.
6:54Keyzie:Good, good. What do you do for a crust, Luke? I'm a lumberjack. Here he is. Backbone. Yeah, I deal with a bit of wood from time to time. Yeah, you do. He's making a little erection joke. He sounds like a lumberjack, don't you think, fellas?
7:12Mike Minogue:I've never heard of lumberjack. Oh, there you go.
7:16Keyzie:He just sounds very manly, Keezy, is what I'm saying.
7:19Mike Minogue:Yeah, totally, Luke. Hey, Luke, do you like rugby league, man, when you're not chopping down trees? Oh, I don't mind it, Keezy, but I'm a huge fan of big schnozzles, second-hand smoke and crooked heads, so I just love to come and have it. That's great. Oh, just sign him up, pugs. Just sign him up now, mate. One last thing. Luke, what's your vibe on Meet Paddy Nips, man? Oh, God, don't get me started. Yeah, perfect. If I could get that shirt off you while I was there, that'd be me. That'd be me. I'll be done. Beautiful, Luke. Well, you're in the draw, mate. You hold the line, all right? Cheers, fellas.
Read the full transcript
7:50Keyzie:G'day, Paul, you mad bastard. How's life? Oh, bloody good. Good on you, mate. What do you do for a cross, Paul? Forklift driver. Huh? Forklift. Wow. Backbone.
8:01Mike Minogue:Jeez, we've had some backbones in this call. Harder. Have you got your license for that there, Paul? Yep.
8:06Keyzie:Yeah, I've got my license. What's the fastest you've ever been in a forklift, brother? I think they let us crank it up for like 15 k's an hour. Do you get a license for that, do you? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you can't just be going around lifting heavy goods, man, without a license. You know what I'm saying?
8:23Mike Minogue:Right, I guess so. Hey, Paul, does your forklift have a little knob on the steering wheel, man? Has it got a knob? Yeah, it sure does. Yeah, good on you, brother. Good on you, mate.
8:33Keyzie:Hey, you're in the drawer as well, mate. Good luck.
8:37Mike Minogue:Oh, awesome. Thanks for that, boys. No worries, man. One last one, eh, fellas? Okay.
8:41Keyzie:Is that Brent from Christchurch? That is, that is. How are you going, Brent? Yeah, good, good. Good on you, mate. Tell, what do you do for a crust?
8:49Mike Minogue:I'm actually a student pilot at the moment. Oh! How many hours do you have to get there, Brent? Oh, a couple of hundred. Yeah, what's the guts, man? Do you just sit on the instructor's knee? Is that how it works? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, hot. And so, and Brent, am I right in saying you're currently in the airplane that still has the training wheels on it? Yeah, yeah, that's the one. And it's got the floaties on the wings as well. That would be actually terrifying, you know,
9:15Keyzie:having to sort of pilot alongside someone that's learning to fly. Don't you think? Oh, yeah. I mean, I found it a nightmare with my daughter driving, sitting in the passenger seat. I was like... Yeah, she thought it was even worse than sitting next to you. She hated it. But 30 ,000 feet up, it's like, jeez. Oh, yeah, 30 ,000. Hey, Brent, you sicko, Who would you bring, man, if you happened to win this unbelievable prize?
9:38Mike Minogue:I think I'd have to take my wife. What's her name again? Her nickname's actually Wa. Wa. I know Wa. She's great. Yeah, she's a great time. Skip? What? You what? She's a great time. She's a good bastard. Is that what you mean? No, I mean, she's a great, yeah, she's great to hang out with. What, what, why are we getting all wet? Sorry, Brent, we're all good, eh? Yeah, yeah, we're all good. Yeah, yeah. You're in the draw, mate. You're in the draw. You hold the line. Come on, guys. Don't make that weird.
10:10Keyzie:It's just, well, no, that's. Yeah, no, it's good. It's okay. It's all G. It's like, you're just. You just got to be careful, man, when it comes to other blokes' wives. You know what I mean? I don't know how many times we have to tell you that.
10:21Mike Minogue:Look, man. You do what you want, all right? And at the same time, I think both of your partners are a great time as well. You take that back. Yeah, son of a bitch. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.
10:39Keyzie:He's indeed the offspring there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday evening.
10:44Mike Minogue:Hey, fellas, I kind of put my foot in it with a one-day-old child yesterday. Right. Judgy, judgy baby. Yeah, very judgy baby, I thought. So a very, very good friend of mine and my wife. In fact, I'd say he's probably one of my best mates. Are you friends with a baby? No, not the baby. My best mate down there in Christchurch, he's just had his second child, which is very exciting. Right. Now, they sent through photos of the child. Here it is here, little beanie on, little blanket on. Come on, Mogi.
11:15Keyzie:Can you show me, please? Oh! Holy heck, they drop it.
11:20Mike Minogue:So, no, how dare you? How dare you? His Uncle Kesey's going to stand up for his buddy. So basically what happened is they sent through a photo of the newborn baby. Very exciting. Slightly overdue. Been waiting a while. The whole family's been on tenterhooks. And I just straight away out the gate comment, oh, my goodness, is that another boy love heart eyes emoji? Why would you do that? Oh, God, I hope it's a boy. Otherwise, I've gotten off on the wrong foot with her. Yeah. Now, the baby is wearing just like a sort of brown stripy onesie, and it's very neutral colors. Yeah. All right? And I understand that girls can wear blue and boys can wear pink and stuff like that.
12:00Mike Minogue:You're against it, though. No, I don't care.
12:02Keyzie:You were saying off air that, you know, standards have slipped really badly and you were horrified by it. But you carry on. Yeah, I did.
12:10Mike Minogue:And then they basically straightaway messaged, no, little girl born this afternoon gave us all the details, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
12:18Keyzie:Yeah.
12:18Mike Minogue:And so what I've done there is literally day one, this child has been on the planet for one day and I've already.
12:24Keyzie:Butchered it.
12:24Mike Minogue:Butchered it, basically.
12:25Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:26Mike Minogue:Is there any coming back from that? Well, I mean, what sort of role are you playing? I mean, you're probably one of those uncles where the kid doesn't really take you seriously and, oh, Uncle Chris is coming over again. Uncle Keezy, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it depends what your role is, I guess. Well, I think my role would be kind of like the fun Uncle Keezy. Oh, Uncle Keezy's coming around. Here we go. Here he is. There's ears in the piss.
12:46Keyzie:Yeah, he's steamed again.
12:47Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, don't let him near the toilet.
12:50Keyzie:Yeah, exactly.
12:51Mike Minogue:Nah, I'm just joking. That's not at all what it's going to be like. It's going to be like, here's Uncle Keezy. He's a real role model in my life. He's got his shit together. He knows what's up, and I really respect him.
13:05Mike Minogue:Nah, it's the first one, fellas. Yeah, I mean, look, on the bright side, it's a baby. Your mates will be used to you having a shocker. Yes. So no surprises there. Oh, yeah. But I think the main thing for you is you've got to learn your lesson to her. It's like going up to a woman and asking her if she's pregnant or congratulating her for being pregnant when you're not 100 % sure that she is pregnant. Yeah, that's right. Yes.
13:29Keyzie:Does it make you nervous, you know, because it's getting close for you now, Keezy? I know. You know, you're seeing the little one there going, oh, that'll be me not far from now.
13:37Mike Minogue:Guys, I thought we'd move past this whole pretend Keezy's expecting a baby thing. What do you mean? You just stop making it up. No, don't. I'm not having a baby.
13:48Keyzie:No, you're right. We're not talking about it anymore.
13:51Mike Minogue:Stop winking at Moggy. What? Is that good, Keezy? No, what do you mean? Shall we? Anyway, thanks for the advice, fellas. I feel so much better. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.
14:08Keyzie:Yes, indeed, Harvey Danger there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this beautiful Friday afternoon. The time, 4.38. Fellas, I've got a bone to pick. I've got a bone to pick. That's the best one you've ever done. Thank you. Yesterday on the podcast, things got a little bit out of control. Yeah. Jase was talking about people's bums. Yeah.
14:31Mike Minogue:All sorts of stuff, he was. And it got to the point where, you know, Jase, you said that I didn't have much of a backside to speak of. Yes. And I wanted to prove the point that actually I kind of did. Well, there's not a lot there, but I think there's, you know, once you unwrap it, that's when you find out that you've got something there. And so I was simply trying to make that point. and I'm not very happy with some of the things that were said to me at the time. Just play the audio there, please. I think I've got a good ass when it's naked, but you could never curl in these pants. Look at Jase's.
15:02Mike Minogue:There's nothing there. Well, he's wearing TJ's. That is a tight ass. He's got the tight jeans on. If you look at that, that's straight down, Kieser.
15:08Keyzie:Yeah, your ass is a shocker, Moggy. Thanks, mate. It's a shocker. There's nothing there, is there? No, there isn't. There's nothing to hang on to. If you ever look at it naked. Yeah, oh, I don't think I'd... I don't know if you should... I don't see that. Oh, God. Oh, my God.
15:24Mike Minogue:You see? There's something there.
15:27Keyzie:Yeah. How do we get on to this? So, you know, I'm trying to open up and sort of be slightly. And you did. You opened up. Thank you. And just be slightly vulnerable about something that I've felt a little bit insecure about. You know, a man not having much of a backside. And people certainly talk about it. and then I open up and I show you guys, and then, Keezy, you have a go at me like that. Yeah. And you say, oh, my God. Yeah. And I'm like, you're recoiling in horror. Well, I was. And then like, oh, there's something there. And Mogi was really opening up for you too.
16:08Mike Minogue:Well, of course, which is why I was recoiling a wee bit, but hang on, I didn't think I was that. You know, I was sort of going along with it there. It was hurtful. Yeah. and I would expect that I should be able to show you my backside and not be openly criticised like that. Openly criticised? Openly.
16:28Keyzie:I don't feel like I did. I mean, Moe was being really, really open about it. Can we use the word vulnerable instead of open? Yeah, sure. He was being very vulnerable, and your response was disgraceful, Kesey. Well, I don't even think I did anything. I saw Mogi deflate when he heard you say that. Thank you. And, you know, he was very volny, and you just went hammer and tongs at him. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, Chris, but...
16:59Mike Minogue:Hang on, don't call me Chris. What the hell? But I think in future, you know, if one of us wants to get half naked in the studio and show each other our downstairs, then there should be a lot of support for one another. Not straight away just absolutely going each other. Yeah, gagging. or whatever. Try not to go me, all right? Yeah, totally. Well, I wasn't gagging when Mogi showed me his downstairs, first of all, Hoagy J. But, okay, fair enough. I hear you. I didn't realise I had done that. Thank you. And it's nice to know that if I show you my downstairs, you guys will be kind about it as well.
17:31I think we'll do it on a case-by-case.
17:34Keyzie:Yeah, totally. We'll just, as it comes. As a who? What? As it comes. Sorry, you're what?
17:40Mike Minogue:Here's the black keys. The Horaki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.
From the publisher
On today's cold cuts, there's advice, bones to pick and arse-rippin'.
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