In short
Travel bodily routines and food; then New Zealand vs Europe habits (picnicking, baked beans); then renting-house compliance frustrations (heat pumps, range hoods, underfloor insulation/moisture); plus a brief “show meeting” about a staffer’s overflowing email inbox.
Guests/backgrounds
Jase, Mike, and Keyzie (regular hosts on The Hauraki Big Show). Pugsam joins for the show-meeting segment; he’s a co-worker whose company email hasn’t been logged into, causing bounce-backs.
Key claims
Keyzie avoided public toilets during 27+ hours of travel by “turning into a camel” and not needing to go; he ate many meals (croissant, steak sandwich, noodle soup, crepe, laksa, curry chicken, pizza, etc.). Jase claims his baked beans-with-sausages can had only three small sausages (shrinkflation). Picnicking works in Europe due to cleaner conditions/no ants; NZ picnics are ruined by ants/fantails. Renting rules are “PC gone mad,” requiring heat pump, range hood, and extra underfloor ground covering.
Notable examples
Eiffel Tower and River Seine picnics in Tuscany; “range hood over the toilet” joke; underfloor insulation plus extra polystyrene/ground covering; company email bounce-backs from Pugsam.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOKeyzie's Travel Concerns
0:07 to 0:51
Keyzie shares his worries about traveling and using public toilets.
“Now, you had some major concerns before you went away, Keyzie.”
Eating Adventures During Travel
0:51 to 3:40
Keyzie discusses the various foods he consumed during his extensive travels.
“Because I wanted to ask, actually, did you end up doing a Singapore steamer?”
Kiwi Food vs. European Cuisine
3:40 to 6:26
The hosts compare Kiwi foods like baked beans to the European culinary experience.
“I then had food as soon as I got back to New Zealand, had a nap.”
Picnicking in Europe vs. New Zealand
6:26 to 11:27
Discussion about the joys of picnicking in Europe and the challenges in New Zealand.
“Anyway, I poured the can of beans and sausages out of my saucepan there.”
Hurdles of Renting a Property
11:27 to 14:00
One host shares the challenges faced when trying to rent out his property.
“So one day my wife and I went to the local beach here and laid out the blanket and set the picnic up, and this dude came over and smacked me in the head.”
Debating Household Essentials
14:00 to 17:31
A humorous discussion about the necessity of kitchen appliances and home insulation.
“Well, you see, that would actually make sense, Moggy.”
Debating Household Essentials
17:35 to 17:45
A humorous discussion about the necessity of kitchen appliances and home insulation.
“Yeah, and open the shutters and then gap it.”
Show Meeting Shenanigans
17:51 to 21:04
A light-hearted show meeting discussing various topics including email management and wardrobe choices.
“You're listening to The Big Show, bought to you by Ree Burger.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.
0:07Keyzie:Cool jam there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon or early evening 20 to 6. Now, you had some major concerns before you went away, Keyzie. You were trying to sort of sync up your ablutions for European time. That's right.
0:22Mike Minogue:And just to paint a picture, I'm a guy that doesn't like, I'm very regular every single morning as soon as I wake up. And I don't like using a public toilet or a work toilet for some reason. I just find it gross. So I like the comfort of my own home. Yes. So what I was trying to do was make it so that when I – because I had like 27 hours of travel or something to get there and the same back. I didn't want to have to go at the midpoint, which would have been Singapore.
0:47Keyzie:Do a Kesey steamer in the airport. Yeah, the Shanghai steamer. Yeah, yeah.
0:51Mike Minogue:Shanghai steamer.
0:52Keyzie:Because I wanted to ask, actually, did you end up doing a Singapore steamer? No. Because you were worried. No.
0:58Mike Minogue:No, no, no. There was no Singapore steamer. What actually happened, which I found was amazing, was my body, I turned into a camel, basically. My body just absorbed everything and just shut up shop for a good 30-plus hours. Right. It was incredible. Wow. On the way there, especially on the way back, though, especially on the way back. It was amazing. And I don't want to, the risk of getting gross. I'm not going to. It's not gross. There's nothing gross about the human body, Kesey. Exactly. Even yours.
1:28Keyzie:So you were massively backed up.
1:30Mike Minogue:Well, no, I guess so. But, like, my goal was to not use a public toilet, right? That's the dream. That is the dream. Yeah. Thank you, Moggy. That is the dream. And so I checked out of my Airbnb in Paris at 2 o 'clock, right, local time. Gay Paris. A.M., P.M.? P.M. P.M. And I had, you know, I had approximately seven hours until my flight. Yes. I then had approximately 27 hours of travel. That's 34 hours, Jase. Yeah. And then by the time I would get home, it was about 35, 36 hours. In that period of time. That's give or take, Jase. Let's give or take. Sure. In that period of time, I had a croissant.
2:18Mike Minogue:Yeah. A pain au chocolat. A what, sorry? A croissant. It's croix is how it's pronounced. What's that? It's like a French. It's like a pastry. It's like a little French pastry. It's like the crust off your bread, but delicious. But delicious. Oh, that sounds good. That's French, man. You simply must go over there and try them. A pain au chocolat, which is a chocolate croissant. Whoa. So I had that. Then had a steak sandwich, right? Yeah. A steak sandwich. I then had a giant bowl of spicy beef noodle soup. Oh, yeah, man. Okay. I then had a crepe. Yeah. I then got to the airport. That's like a pancake, Jace.
2:55Mike Minogue:It's like a pancake, Jace. You're joking. Yeah, but pronounced different. But pronounced different, yeah, crepe. Guess how it's spelt. C-R-E-P-E? Wow, yeah, it's 100 % correct. Wow. Yeah, it had an A in there somewhere. Then ate that, then had a meal on the plane, had a snack on the plane, had breakfast on the plane, hopped off in Singapore, had a giant bowl of laksa, which was free. Yeah. I then had a giant bowl of... Why was it free? I was in this lounge thing. Yeah, yeah. I had a big bowl of curry chicken, two pieces of pizza, some karagi chicken. I then hopped on the plane again, had dinner, had a snack halfway through, had breakfast, got home.
3:34And some dates. You ate some dates.
3:36Mike Minogue:I ate some dates. That's right, Moggy. Thanks for reminding me. I had some dates. I then had food as soon as I got back to New Zealand, had a nap. Honestly, it was like 48-plus hours, and I was picturing all the meals that I had eaten, and I was just like, how is that? I was blown away by the camel It's amazing what you can pack away Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly
3:57Keyzie:Your wife said you look like the hunchback of Notre Dame
4:01Mike Minogue:Which is funny because Notre Dame's in Paris You're joking! You simply must go The Hauraki Big Show Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki
4:13Keyzie:Def Leppard there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening Fiales? I would have learned to pick
4:23Keyzie:You know, it's been so amazing listening to you fellas talk about all the great food and cuisine over in Europe there. It's made me feel very provincial, actually. You know, your payayas and... Payaya. Payaya.
4:42Mike Minogue:Stop adding too many years. And your grappa and stuff. Baguette.
4:47Keyzie:Oh, baguette. Gelato. Cheese. You know, I'd like to think as Kiwis we're pretty humble folk, and one of the most staple things you could have as a Kiwi is baked beans. I don't know what the equivalent is in Europe. You know what I mean? They don't stoop to beans over there, man. No, I don't imagine.
5:06Mike Minogue:So, Jase, do not eat beans in Europe, man. You'll be laughed out. You simply mustn't. You simply must not eat beans in Europe.
5:15Keyzie:Well, I don't suppose it'd be good ripping arse. I didn't actually tell you that while you were away. Pugsam was ripping out. But anyway, I bought myself a special treat. Because, you know, we've gone a bit more upmarket than that in New Zealand now, I'd like to think. And when we were doing the family shop the other day, I bought myself a can of baked beans, but with sausages. Oh, chorizo.
5:39Mike Minogue:Yeah, in Europe they're called chorizo.
5:41Keyzie:Oh, chorizo. Okay. Wow. How good. So I thought I was thinking, oh, I'm a bit peckish today. What am I going to have for breakfast? I'm trying to eat breakfast at the moment. And I went, oh, my God, how good. I've got my can of beans and sausage.
5:56Mike Minogue:I used to love those as a kid. They were delicious.
5:59Keyzie:So, yeah, were you, I guess, a bit more sophisticated now with your baguettes and things? Yeah, I wouldn't dream of doing it now. No, no. So you can imagine my disgust. True story, this irregular can of baked beans and sausages. My outrage and disgust, and it's happening all over the place at the moment. Left and right. Where I poured the can out into my little saucepan there. Did it make that noise? Wow.
6:25Mike Minogue:No, it's more of a... No, it's more...
6:32Keyzie:Anyway, I poured the can of beans and sausages out of my saucepan there. Yes. And was... Yeah.
6:47Keyzie:You can imagine my absolute disgust when I discovered, without a word of a lie, in your regular can of baked beans, three sausages, three, count them, one, two, three, little baby, and one of them even didn't have its end on it. So it was actually like two and a half sausages and an entire can of beans. That's disgraceful. Traditionally, you get. Yeah, what are you expecting? 25, 26. Six or seven, generally speaking, maybe eight. When's the last time you had a can? Oh, about probably six months ago. Wow. Yeah. Wow. So three little sausages in an entire can. So if you're buying a can of beans and sausages, you expect more than three thyme little sausages.
7:35Mike Minogue:Do you reckon that's shrinkflation? Exactly what it is. Getting their cutting costs because the cost of those sausages is through the roof because it's such top quality meat you're dealing with. Absolutely. They've decided to put less of those in there. The beans are filling up with cheap beans.
7:52Keyzie:Is that what you think is happening? I think that's exactly what's happening. And I'm thinking their philosophy is there's so many beans in there, no one's going to notice there's only two and a half sausages. That's been wrong. You know what I mean? I noticed all right. Yeah, man, straight in there. I spread my beans out on the plate there. Were you pushing them around, were you? I was like, surely this can't be right. What have you got? Yeah, I was on the plate just going.
8:18Mike Minogue:Nah, fellas, it's more of like a.
8:25Mike Minogue:The Hodaki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.
8:31Keyzie:The Rolling Stones here on the Radio Hodaki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time is 4.39.
8:39Mike Minogue:Fellas, been getting really into picnicking lately. When I was over in Europe, Jase, you know this. Yeah, I get it, man. Pretty much every meal is had on a picnic blanket.
8:54Keyzie:Well, I was going to say, I mean, it seems to me from what I can tell is that Europe is just made for picnicking. Your cheeses, your cold meats. Totally. You prosciutto.
9:07Mike Minogue:No, I know. Why are you telling me, man? I was there. Yeah, I know, I know. I was doing it. I was picnicking. Why?
9:13Keyzie:You were doing it so much. Your wife even bought the bloody board from home. The cutting, the chopping board? The chopping board.
9:19Mike Minogue:Yeah. But one thing I've actually, so some of the places I had, I picnicked. Yeah, where have you done your best picnicking, man? First picnic of the trip was in Tuscany Mogey. Tuscany Mogey. Say no more. Yeah, I won't. but two of the highlights were a lunchtime picnic looking at the Eiffel Tower on the little patch of grass there and then an evening picnic on the side of the River Seine. Two of the highlights of the trip, and since then now every meal doesn't seem complete unless it's on a blanket somewhere. Yeah, with ants and shit. No, there's no ants and shit. In Europe. In Europe. Yeah, you're right about that.
9:55Mike Minogue:But now you're back in New Zealand. Yeah, you're right. So, Jase, over in Europe there's no ants.
10:02Keyzie:Okay That is so cool Because it's so clean Yeah, yeah So you can lay out your picnic Yes And not worry at all about any kind of ants invasion That's right
Read the full transcript
10:13Mike Minogue:There's no ants But so today for example I caught up with my wife for a lunch date Hot No, it wasn't hot Both pretty tired to be honest Wasn't a lot of chat happening But we went to a lovely cafe near her work and I said to her, oh, man, we should take the stuff away and have a picnic next time. And she said I was thinking the same thing. Oh, wow. Yeah. So we're just going to start picnicking more. I was thinking in New Zealand. In Mogey, I know you're... That shit's no go in New Zealand, man. What, picnicking? I understand that you do it in Europe and, God, it makes so much sense over there. The sunshine, the lack of ants.
10:55Yeah. Jase, do you mind me? Oh, sorry, Felix. But in New Zealand it sucks Right, yeah Because of the ants
11:03Mike Minogue:Yeah, because I haven't actually picnicked in New Zealand Oh, it's no good Really? Yeah Oh man The idea of taking a blanket and a basket and putting food in the basket And then going for a walk and then sitting down and laying out the blanket And putting down the basket and then taking the food out of the basket And laying it all out and then eating it It's just not the go Well, that sounds tough And then the ants And then the ants turn up
11:25Keyzie:The pee waka waka Yeah, the fantails Just flipping all over the place I was going to say
11:32Mike Minogue:Yeah, see that's why you can't picnic in New Zealand Because of all the fantails and the ads See, I didn't know this Picnics in New Zealand I didn't know that I legit, I hate I don't like picnicking And my wife is always Well, used to She's given up now But we're always one of us to go on picnics And wanted to buy a picnic basket That we were just We've got one, yeah Having the boot of the car And it's just like
11:54Keyzie:Ugh No Where I am out west, because I like a picnic, Keezy. You'd love Europe. So I simply must go there one day. Yeah. So one day my wife and I went to the local beach here and laid out the blanket and set the picnic up, and this dude came over and smacked me in the head. Really? Yeah, man. Did he say you'd been pervert on him and his missus over the fence back at your place there, right? You've got those noisy neighbours, don't you? I did recognise his voice, actually. But how about your partner and my partner? We all get together and have a group picnic.
12:38Mike Minogue:Sure, Jase, here's Bud. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.
12:44Keyzie:The Cars there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time is 5.38. It's funny, fellas, actually. just talking about Pugsun there moving out of his flat, moving in with his beloved. Eh? How good. But as you know, I've been thinking about renting out my lovely old place. Yeah, your dilapidated shack. It is pretty dilapidated. And I've got to be honest with you, we're running into a few hurdles, which I never anticipated. Well, to be honest, I did anticipate it because it's a run-down old piece of shit.
13:21Mike Minogue:It's an old weatherboard, like maybe 40s or 50s. 60s, I think. Oh, yeah, not that good.
13:27Keyzie:I'll invite you over when we move out. Sweet. And I'm finding out all this stuff about what needs to happen if you want people renting your house. What a palaver. I know, it's a joke, mate. What an absolute joke. PC going mad. What do they want? Well, first of all, a heat pump. Yeah, bullshit. Hoardy J tick, though. Yeah, good on you, man. What a good bastard. I'd take it out if I was you, man. The thing that really got my goat. Did it bug you? It bugged me.
13:52Mike Minogue:It's been bugging me.
13:57Keyzie:Another thing apparently that you have to have in your house is a range hood.
14:02Mike Minogue:Oh, like an extractor above the oven.
14:03Keyzie:Like an extractor fan above the oven. I mean, who needs that? You need to put one over your toilet.
14:11Because it's reekin.
14:13Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah.
14:15Keyzie:Well, you see, that would actually make sense, Moggy.
14:19Mike Minogue:Totally, a rain shot above your toilet would make really good sense.
14:21Keyzie:No, that's a bloody good idea, actually. I really like it. There's something in there. Well, we've got one on the en suite. Yeah, sure. But in the second toilet there, you can just open the shutter windows there and do a massive steamer and then walk out.
14:35Mike Minogue:But anyway.
14:35Keyzie:But anyway.
14:43Keyzie:But a range hood. I mean, really, why do you need a range hood? I mean, why is it so necessary? We've never had one for 20 years. We've never missed one. We've never needed one. And people go, oh, it gets rid of all the food smells. Well, it's not just food smell.
14:58Mike Minogue:It's like moisture, isn't it? No, it's not moisture. It is, because when you're cooking and boiling and stuff, and then the windows get all fogged up, it's moisture. It's moisture in your house, man. Well, they don't get fogged up in our house
15:09Keyzie:because it's quite a high ceiling. But, you know, people say it gets rid of all the food smells. I like food smell. Well, you're not living there, man. It's got nothing to do with you. And the problem with the extractor fan that we've discovered now is right above our oven, we whacked out a big hole to sort of separate so we can see through to the second sun lounge. Oh, yeah, that's right. So where the hell are we going to put the bloody extractor fan?
15:32Mike Minogue:Well, you've got those ones that sort of come out of the bench. Yeah, that's true. they sort of cut, like, yeah, they can either fold out of the bench or there's one directly above the stove in the bench that suck the fumes down. Oh, that's just bollocks.
15:47Keyzie:Then, of course, we've got the underfloor insulation because you have to have that. You know, you go, fair enough, that makes sense. By the way, we got that put in. Never noticed any difference whatsoever. Yeah. It's still freezing in my house. Even with the heat pump, you know, pumping away. Really?
16:02Mike Minogue:So your house is still freezing?
16:04Keyzie:So I was speaking to a builder who's going to come around and fix a bit of stuff around the place that Horty J doesn't have the capabilities of. It's quite emasculating, actually, having a man come around and fix your house while your wife stares and goes, what a champion. But apparently, not only do you need underfloor insulation, you've got to cover the ground. With what? I don't know. He said some sort of polystyrene or something like that. Is it just a plastic-type sheet? No, it's not even a plastic sheet. He said it's some sort of polystyrene that you need to put on the ground. I've got underfloor insulation.
16:34Keyzie:Why do I need to cover the bloody ground? Does that have to stop the moisture again? I think it's moisture again, man. Well, but there's the underfloor insulation that will stop the moisture. That'll get wet, though, won't it? No, it's off the ground. Moisture. I don't know, Jase, man. I don't know if I can explain moisture to you, man. I mean, this is just bollocks, man. It's just PC gone mad. Yeah, well, I'm with you there, brother. You know what I'm saying, fellas? Amen, fellas.
16:58Mike Minogue:Hey, by the way, if you need a handsome person to come around to your house, why don't you check out Hire a Hubby and they'll do some jobs for you. That's a great idea. Put a rain chute over your shitter. Hey. Hang on, sorry, I'm halfway through a little spot. Oh, right, okay, you do. Make sure they get that thing about the rain chute over the shitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll do. If you want to get involved with Hire a Hubby and be one of their franchisees, they are looking for now, by the way, so make sure you do get in touch. We've also got the chance for you to win the big show coming to your house.
17:27Mike Minogue:Oh, what? To do some work to offer our handyman services. So if you would like that, head to hodaki.co.nc and enter now. Jase will come over and drop a deuce. Yeah, and open the shutters and then gap it. Anyway, hire a hubby. That's just a call or click away. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy.
17:48Keyzie:Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Thanks, Bruce. You're listening to The Big Show, bought to you by Ree Burger. Just seeing if you're on it. Crave-worthy street food freshly made by Ree Burger. Hey, show meeting. Show meeting. Show meeting. Show me the meeting. Show meeting is now in progress. Okay, what's this about?
18:14Mike Minogue:I accidentally played the Pugs music too early. Yeah, you did. You peaked. But Pugs is here. You wanted to call a show meeting.
18:19Keyzie:Yeah.
18:20Mike Minogue:What's going on, man? First of all, the sky looks beautiful. I don't know if you guys can see that. It's a lovely colour. Well, I don't have time to look at the sky, Pugs.
18:27Keyzie:I'm doing a radio show.
18:28Mike Minogue:Red sky at night and all that, Jase. I've had a couple of complaints around the office, actually. About that shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Heaps, actually. Like, just about how ugly it is.
18:39Keyzie:Guys, the hat with the rope on it. Jase, I'm not wearing a hat right now.
18:43Mike Minogue:Guys, we've done a Reburger plug. We've looked at the sky, and we've dissed Pugs' shirt. We're a minute in. It's a show meeting. No, no, but we haven't even got to the point of the meeting yet. Because I'm not wearing the ugly hat. Jase, I understand that you don't really touch your computer at all, and you haven't sort of in the last five years a big show existing. Largely because you don't know how to log in or how to operate a keyboard.
19:08Keyzie:Well, I know how to operate a keyboard. I just choose not to. He's the best in the world at it.
19:15Mike Minogue:Nah, okay. And I've had some complaints around the office because you have not logged into your company email for so long. Your inbox is now full. And so every time anybody puts an email to any group email to Hauraki. Which is like daily. Which is every day for multiple people. Well, no wonder it's full. Like a company-wide one. Or specifically you. When Bogsy sends one out to everyone, when the head of all radio sends one out, they get an email back. Yeah, they're getting bounce backs multiple times a day from you saying my inbox is full because I can't be arse logging in.
19:50Keyzie:Right, yeah. Well, just on that, first and foremost, Bogsy and I do one-on-ones. We don't do emails. I bet you do. Um, yeah, no, that's true.
20:01Mike Minogue:Okay, well, I'm beating a Jew. Sweet, sweet.
20:04Keyzie:You may as well go back to the Skype. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sweet. I'll go F myself. Yeah, it's good. Exactly right. There you go. I don't know what else to say about that. Just sort it out because we're all sick of it.
20:15Mike Minogue:Why won't you just log into your emails? It's so annoying. We'll say that as if he knows his password or his email address.
20:21Keyzie:Exactly. First and foremost, I actually did a couple of years back get it all sorted out. And then within a month, everything changed again and I couldn't get in it again. Yeah, because they reset your password after X amount of time, don't they? Well, that's their bad then. If it's going to be the same one for year on year, I'll do it. I'm with you, man, 100%. Thanks, Moggy.
20:43Mike Minogue:Yeah. Wow, that was a successful show meeting. I think we addressed some things there.
20:53Keyzie:Coming a lot of ground. Yeah, good stuff. Thanks, Pugs. If you've got anything to say to what he just bought, you have to say it to his face. Totally, man. And you just did. That's right. I didn't listen. Nice jacket, man. Thanks, man.
21:07Mike Minogue:Pill jam.
21:08Keyzie:Yeah.
21:09Mike Minogue:Yeah, it is. Alive on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.
From the publisher
On today's bonus best bits from this week, Jase is shitty with his sausages, Mike's steamers need extracting and Keyzie's about to blow.
Follow The Big Show on Instagram
Subscribe to the podcast now on iHeartRadio, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts!
Featuring Jason Hoyte, Mike Minogue, and Keyzie, "The Big Show" drive you home weekdays from 4pm on Radio Hauraki.
Providing a hilarious escape from reality for those ‘backbone’ New Zealanders with plenty of laughs and out-the-gate yarns.
Download the full podcast here:
iHeartRadio
Apple
Spotify
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.