COLD CUTS: The Big Score

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

0:06Keyzie:Stone Temple Pilots here on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. Now, fellas, you'll recall on the Friday I was telling you that I had my wife's staff due to go to on a Saturday night. Yep. Now, first and foremost, I don't like going to parties. Cool. You're so cool, man. What a party.

0:27Mike Minogue:Rock and roll, man. You encapsulate the hauraki vibe.

0:30Keyzie:But this was a double whammy because not only was it the staff work do for my wife, it was also dress up. Can I say that in this day and age it is unacceptable to have a dress up party? Come on. As a work do? To me it is asking a lot of people to even want to go in the first place. Yes. Let alone to dress up like a goose. I mean if you want to. Because what are we? You're like in your late 30s, 50s, 60s. I mean, come on, man.

1:01Mike Minogue:You guys are so boring. And also, you only dress up as a goose if the theme is birds. As goose.

1:06Keyzie:Now, my wife, of course, because she loves to dress up. Oh. What? Heaps of people do. Yeah, carry on. She went as Billie Eilish. Billie Eilish. Yes. Did she look good? She looked great. So did she wear like a big baggy sweater or something? She wore all green. Cool. Green sort of. Bay leaf? No, bright sort of neon green. She looked rock and roll, man.

1:28Mike Minogue:Green hair as well.

1:30Keyzie:No, just a green beanie. And there's a particular look she had at one period of her life and she replicated it exactly. Nice. And I was sitting there that afternoon going, oh, God. God, A, do I have to go? And B, I'm not dressing up.

1:47Mike Minogue:I remember he called me and he's just like, why couldn't the theme be bird shirts? Yes. You know, and then I've got costumes for Africa. And then I said, you can't say that anymore.

1:54Keyzie:I would have been fine if that were the case, right? Yeah. But in the end she said, oh, you know, just go as yourself. Don't worry about it. It's no biggie. And then she said, hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you go as Rivers Cuomo?

2:06Mike Minogue:Yeah. Who is?

2:07Keyzie:The lead singer of Weezer. From Weezer.

2:09Mike Minogue:AKA generic bloke.

2:11Keyzie:Yeah, generic bloke. And so I went online and I checked out sort of thinking that he might be quite wacky in his dress sense. But he's just a normal, very average dude. He's sort of up your alley in the sense, I think he might wear a blazer with a T-shirt underneath. and he's got the thick black glasses that he wears. Buddy Holly sort of, he looks like Buddy Holly actually. Bang on, Moggy. And so I was like, my God, that's a genius idea because essentially I could wear whatever I was going to wear anyway. I had those black glasses. I put on my Wilson's cap there and I was like, boom, sweet, I'm done.

2:49Mike Minogue:Plus, you vape so much you would have also been wheezing.

2:51Keyzie:Yeah, I was wheezing all over the place. and we arrived, true story, and everyone was like, oh, to my wife, you look amazing, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they were like, who are you, Jase? And I was like, Rivers Cuomo. And I could tell by the look on their eyes, they had no idea who he was. So it was the perfect ruse because when they're in that situation, they can't go, well, you don't look anything like Rivers Cuomo. Because nobody knows what he looks like. Because no one knows what he looks like. It was genius.

3:21Mike Minogue:Yeah. I mean, you could have put some effort in and dressed up as something. I put the glasses on. Yeah, but you need those to see.

3:28Keyzie:You know, and I just dressed as I normally would dress. What's your favourite Weezer song? Like cool and kind of rocky, you know what I mean?

3:36Mike Minogue:Jase, what's your favourite Weezer song?

3:38Keyzie:And it was just, I was stoked.

3:40Mike Minogue:Don't ignore me because you don't know any.

3:42Keyzie:I don't know their songs. I'm terrible with titles, cheesy.

3:45Mike Minogue:But you throw to them every single day.

3:46Keyzie:I know, but I can't think off the top of my head.

3:48Mike Minogue:We're about to go to one right now. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

3:54Keyzie:T-Rex here on the Radio Hauraki big show this Tuesday evening. Fellas, I didn't tell you this. I had a very precarious situation when I was filming today. I arrived and there were no car parks. Oh, you're joking. No car parks whatsoever. And I was effing in Jeff and as you can imagine. Don't you have a driver? Well, you could have a driver, but no. Don't you have a park? No, I'm not that big a star, Keezy. You know what I mean? I just have to park on the street like the rest of the filth. Oh, man. Which, to be honest, I'm pretty filthy about. It's an insult. For a man of your ilk, your stature.

4:33Keyzie:I would have thought so, Moggy. So anyway, I went up to the first AD, or the third AD. What does that mean? The third assistant director who sort of runs the show. The first assistant director, Keezy, you'll find on set, and they sort out the crew, and they get everybody organised to make sure things are running on time. The second AD is Offset sits in a caravan and sort of generally works on cool sheets for the next day and people's times that they work and all that sort of thing. And a third AD will organise all the cast and everybody that rides on set and makes them get on set on time.

5:03Mike Minogue:Right, OK.

5:04Keyzie:That was bang on, Mogi. Anyway, so I had to park up on the actual set. And I went up to the third AD and I said, I can't find a park anywhere. And she said, oh, don't worry about it. Go and park in the crew car park. And I went, where's the crew car park? You're fuming already now? No, I was fuming. I've been here. And anyway, she showed me where it was, and she said there is actually one car park there, so you can use that. So I went, oh, gee. And so I pull up, and it's this very narrow lane with this very narrow car park, very tight car park. But even worse than that, there were about 30 crew members just sitting around outside right next to the car park.

5:46Keyzie:So I don't know if you guys know this. I'm not known for my parallel parking. Oh, it was a parallel? It was a parallel park. And it was as tight. I'm not exaggerating to say that probably there was a centimetre either end. Bullshit. Right, now I know we're heading to something. Yeah, okay. Now I know how this is going to end. There was a centimetre either end. There were 30 dudes drinking their morning coffees. No checks. Punching their open palms. Yeah, yeah. Tough guys with those swinging chains. Yeah, those swinging chains. They had their legs spread akimbo, their big bullos hanging out. They were nude?

6:20Keyzie:No, but they were wearing shorts. Some of them got big balls. Right. And I was like, oh, that'd be right. You know, I'm effing in Jeff and now I have to squeeze into the tightest car park ever. And I haven't had to parallel park under pressure for many, many years. Well, actually, since we ran a competition, the big show did. Yeah, and I was terrible, but my defence, I couldn't see over the dash. That's right, and you backed into the cones and stuff like that.

6:46Mike Minogue:Yeah, I did. So how'd you go?

6:47Keyzie:I nailed it.

6:48Mike Minogue:Yeah.

6:49Keyzie:Just one movement. Dig, dig, dig, dig. Centimetre either side. Far out. And so much so that the crew with massive balls stood up and applauded. Far out. Well done, Jase. Thanks, fellas. I just sort of share. I don't know. Is this a case of you just being the man at something, and even though you haven't done it for years, it still turns out somehow that you're the best at it?

7:13Mike Minogue:40J, best in the world, A1. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

7:24Keyzie:Queens of the Stone Age there on the Radio Hauraki. Big show this Tuesday afternoon, 10 minutes to 6 o 'clock, fellas.

7:31Mike Minogue:Mogi's just got himself a new bicycle. Yes. It's a 10-speed. What is it, healing? Yeah, it's a healing. We've just done a little bit of research on it. It turns out that my bike, that I've got a healing 10-speed, and people of the era will remember. It's from 1978. Wow. So it's 47 years old. I'm only two years older than it and I don't know which of us is in worse nick. But a New Zealand-made bike, as it turns out, made in Petone. And I just thought, jeez, man, I'm loving it so much I feel like we should be starting a bicycle gang. Yeah, I agree. If you don't mind, fellas, what I was trying to play is the Egg Chat music just because I feel like if we're going to have a bicycle gang.

8:08Mike Minogue:Egg Chat with the fellas. Yeah, tune. And we were asking for, you know, gang names, advice for what bike J should purchase to be part of the gang, particularly like that one. A chopper with a T-shifter. Oh. I remember choppers. Yeah. So they would have the banana seat, the ape hangers. Yes. Handlebars and a massive sissy bar. Yeah, man. So that means I could ride bitch if anything happened. Yeah, nice. A sissy bar. I reckon you should get a sissy bar. Sounds good to me. Jase needs a little tricycle with tassels on the handlebars, a clown horn, and a tray in the back for his lunch. Jase doesn't eat lunch.

8:54Mike Minogue:Yeah, true. They'll just have two crackers in there. Yeah. But also, I don't know, like a little tricycle part of a bike gang, it's not intimidating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A Rally 20? Yes. Yeah, the old Rally 20, I remember those. Yeah, I remember my mum had a Rally 20, and she used to, because I got into making lowrider bicycles when I was a teenager. Yeah. My mum used to always bang on about a Rally 20 back in the day. Yeah, man. They were a hugely popular bike. Names for the gang, the Dirty Skid Bandits. The Dirty Skid Bandits. That's what it says here. Great. That must be playing on Two Stroke, 40J.