COLD CUTS: The Dinner Party

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

0:07Keyzie:Radiohead there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 4.39. We were just having a little chit chat with Keyzie about his big weekend. He had a dinner party that he was hosting. It was an opportunity for him to climb the social ladder, as it were. His guests were very well-to-do, lived in very flash houses, were very upwardly mobile. and Keezy was very keen to impress.

0:32Mike Minogue:I was, fellas. We talked about the food that was on offer and the drinks, made sangria. Didn't nail it, but they enjoyed it because they, like myself and Moggy, big fans of Europe. And to be honest, Jase, if you were there, you would have felt right out of place because most of the topics of conversation were like, oh, when we were in Europe. Oh, right. I would have.

0:55Keyzie:I would have.

0:56Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you would have tried to chime in with some anecdote about Vietnam, and everyone would have been like, sorry, where? Yeah, yeah.

1:04Keyzie:And my place is a shithole too, so that wouldn't have got off to a good start. Oh, if you were hosting? Yeah, yeah. And I would have had like zero beers or something really tedious like that. Yeah, I didn't have any beers either. Or just some water or juice.

1:15Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so one of the couple were actually thinking of moving to Europe. Really? Which I was like... What are they fed up with New Zealand, are they? No, they're just... I think he's originally from the UK. and she we all are they love Europe most of us and I think they yeah true you just get to a certain point in life where you go stuff it we should just move to Europe yeah lead this bastard for all it's worth I'm going back to the UK yeah yeah yeah we've squeezed it all out so are they

1:41Keyzie:I'm assuming looking at castles and stuff over there to purchase

1:47Mike Minogue:yeah Jason gonna go buy a castle in Europe yeah right yeah because they're that well to do yeah yeah yes no I'm serious they are yeah I know yeah I know What was the seating arrangement? How many couples are we talking here? Three couples. Yeah, and who sort of organised who was sitting where? Was it just a sort of a free-for-all, or did you sort of say, you've got to sit here, oh, no, sorry, you can't sit there? That's for Ken Keezy. Yeah. Well, basically, our dining table only sits four people. Right. So we had to all sit in the lounge. Right. And so we had the combination of the couch, which is an L-shaped couch, coffee table in the middle, and then some chairs scattered around.

2:26Keyzie:And was the trough of portmints just on the coffee table? No, it was by the door as you walked in. Oh, right. Yes, that's right.

2:31Mike Minogue:That's right. It was in the conservatory. Because you just grabbed, you had like coffee mugs, and you just scoop up. You scoop it in. That's right. Right. And that went down a treat, by the way. I bet it did. But yeah, we were sitting around the coffee table and people kept trying to sit on the couch, but I was like, no, no, because they had to move all the throw cushions I'd bought, because I'd bought like 50. Oh. So no one could sit on the couch. No. Because of all the throw pillows. but to be honest, I was a bit worried about it, but it ended up working really, really well. That's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2:59Mike Minogue:We had a great night. What time did it all wrap up? Close to midnight. Wow. Okay. That means they enjoyed themselves, Kesey. Well done. I think so. How was the text the next day? Because that's when you really find out where you sit. If it goes a bit quiet the next day, you know, oh, God, because your missus would have been hanging off the end of her phone. She was hanging off the end of her phone. No, the text came through. Lovely. Thanks for hosting us last night. Porkmin's cooked beautifully. Yeah. And you must give me the recipe for that sangria, Chris, was what came through.

3:27Keyzie:Anyone stay the night?

3:29Mike Minogue:No, no one stayed the night, obviously, other than my wife and I. Because we live there. Oh, yeah. Because we live there, Jase.

3:44Keyzie:Well, it sounds like a roaring success, Casey. What a shindig.

3:49Mike Minogue:Yeah, man.

3:49Keyzie:Phone calls to come through and opportunities to start pouring in.

3:54Mike Minogue:Yeah, well, to be honest, it gave me a real taste for it. If you guys would be keen to come over for a pot like mine, I'd be happy to host. The idea is the social climbing, though, isn't it? It feels like it would be a backward step for me.

4:07Keyzie:Jase? Yeah, I'd be keen to come over, Keezy. When are you thinking?

4:13Mike Minogue:Actually, if Mike's not coming, then... Nah, let's just flag it, eh? The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

4:23Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Part of Thinker there on the Radio Hauraki. Big Show, Tuesday evening. The time is 5.36. Now, it was a special day yesterday. Of course, old Maugi, the grand patriarch of the Big Show. Your birthday, mate. Talk us through your night last night because you had people coming over. I'm very keen to know what happened and transpired. Well, it was just sort of a coincidence that my brother-in-law was turning up. He was on his way. He was coming back from Canada. Canada? Have you heard of that, man? No. It's a place that's above America, apparently. Okay. Big bastard it is there. Wow. Lots of trees and rivers and that.

5:00He works in a fish shop over there. Oh, like fish and chips? No, like fish. So you'll have your locals will come along and they'll go fishing. Oh, yeah. It's a bit of a fishing area. And then they'll bring their fish into the shop. and then these guys will cut it up and fillet it and all of that. Oh, wow. And then those punters will come back later in the day and pick it up. They'll monger them. They monger the shit out of them. And that's called, yeah, we are the mongerers, the best mongerers in town. That's the name of the business. Oh, wow. It's a big sign. Mouthful. Is that right, eh? And so he's been over there.

5:32He's come back. He's got a mate's wedding that he's going to anyway. So I turned up at home and he was sitting in my chair. This is my wife's brother. Far out, man. At the dinner table. Do you have your own chair? I sit at the head of the table. Yeah, nice. Because I'm King Mogey around my house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then my wife sits at the other end of the table. Is she queen? No, I just like her to be as far away as possible. Yeah, that makes sense. And they were sitting down enjoying what looked like a delicious meal. You didn't have any? Well, I mean, I didn't feel like I was really welcome, to be honest with you.

6:11Wow. It was like a masala chicken, like a masala rub it looked like. Oh, yum. Yes, yes. With a bit of a roti bread. Nah, it was a naan. It was a naan. And some rice. It looked bloody good. That sounds great. Oh, that sounds delish. But by the time I got there, it was only sort of like bones. Oh, right. Chicken bones and that. And they said, do you want some? I said, oh, no, I'm all good. So anyway, I cleared the table, did the dishes and that. You cleaned it all up? Wow. Nice, man. I've sort of, the kitchen's my place because if I leave it, you know. It's just, yeah. So, yeah. And then I was just in a bit of a hirr of a moose.

6:48I just started hooking into the piss. Responsibly, I hope.

6:57Yeah. Yeah, so it turned into sort of a night of just sort of snide remarks. Yeah, yeah, a little of sides under your breath.

7:06Keyzie:Yeah, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. and it makes it quite uncomfortable when you've got company over.

7:12Mike Minogue:Yeah, so you were doing this in front of the guest. Yeah, and I got the neighbours over as well. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Just so they could know what it's like, you know, what I'm going through. Yeah, yeah, the experience you're having there. Shocking. Right, and this is your birthday, right? This is my birthday. And I think this is what was so easily forgotten, and this was kind of the point that I was trying to get across last night. I might have been shouting, and I might have had a few, but I think the point remains legitimate. That is I was the birthday boy. Yes. And so as the birthday boy, a certain amount of respect needs to be shown.

7:46Totally. It's your party and you'll cry if you want to. Well, that's right. Well, there shouldn't be any crying. Cake? There was a little bit of cake. Guess what kind it was? Chocolate? Carrot. Oh, God. What about, did you? Guess what flavour icing it had? Buttercream? It didn't have any icing on it. Oh, wow. Just a plain old carrot cake. That sounds shithouse. It's a heavy bastard. Oh, right. They tend to be. It went straight through the wall. Oh. Straight through the bastard. In one side, out the other. Wow. Yeah. Exterior wall? Yeah. Landed in the neighbour's pool. Oh, well, happy birthday, mate.

8:26Cheers, man.

8:30Mike Minogue:The Horaki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

8:36Keyzie:David Bowie there on the Radio Hauraki big show this Wednesday evening. The time, 5.29.

8:47This is Breaking News. That's right, fellas. Straight off the Y is we've received news that there's been an attempt at a strange cure from an 82-year-old Chinese woman. She swallowed eight live frogs. after complaining of a sore lower back. Right. Unfortunately, the consumption of the eight frogs did not cure the lower back pain and only contributed to a sore tummy. Did she have a sore tummy before then? No, apparently the frogs caused it. Right, okay. She ate the live frogs. This is according to the daughter of the 82-year-old woman. she ate the live frogs and now the sharp pain has made her unable to walk

9:35Mike Minogue:wow must be bad did she chew them? she swallowed them whole and the trick was without explaining her plan she asked her family to catch some frogs for her they just thought that she wanted to have some frogs yeah like pet frogs yeah hey can you go and catch me some frogs sure mum that seems pretty normal once the family did Zang, that's the name of the woman, swallowed three frogs on the first day. Oh, so she didn't do it all at once. She did three to begin with because she thought, you know when you've got a headache and you go, I might have two panadolts. Pannies, yeah. And then it doesn't work, so you might have another one.

10:15So she's taken three. That hasn't done it. So the next day she's had five, all roughly the size of an adult palm. So possibly, potentially a bullfrog. Pretty big. Good eating. Oh, great for lower back pain.

10:31Mike Minogue:Yeah. Was there like a folk remedy or something, you know? A what remedy? Folk. Like folk, I think he means. You mean folk remedy. The hell's a folk remedy? Now, you might be surprised to me that she initially experienced mild discomfort, which increased to be really, really bad discomfort. This after swallowing the three live frogs. No, eight. The eight live frogs. She ate eight. It was only once she was in severe pain that she confessed to her family what she had done. Hey, guys. I just want to confess something. You remember those frogs that I asked you to get for me because I wanted some pets?

11:06What I want to know is...

11:07Keyzie:I ate all of them. Did she experience pain after eating tree frogs? Or was it only when she had another five the next day that she experienced pain?

11:19Mike Minogue:We don't know what kind of frogs. We don't know if they were tree frogs. They didn't say what kind of frogs they were. So for you to assume that they were tree frogs, you know, that's how fake news gets about it. Oh, you say three frogs. Three frogs. Oh, three frogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it sounds like three was fine, and the doctor's recommendation is three to four. Right. But she'd essentially OD'd on frogs. Three to four is all good, right? Because that's what the doctor recommends. Three to four, take with food. Yeah, three to four is good for lower back pain. Five to eight is really good for sore stomach.

11:54Keyzie:I'm amazed that she was A, able to swallow a whole frog, because like me with meds, I can't swallow pills, and so my daughter got me a little grindy thing that you can grind. She needed one of those. You chuck a frog in there and just grind it up and turn it into a kind of soup. And, of course, it's hard to convince a frog to go into any person's mouth. Yeah, yeah. Believe me. So the trick is what she did was she swallowed a fly. I see and it went frog hang about she showed the fly she says watch this swallowed the fly the frog saw that bang straight down her throat