In short
The hosts trade wedding stories (including explicit, cheeky details), then run a boat-name pun competition, discuss Aotearoa’s most stolen cars (top 10 list), and finish with a “Reburger” phone-in voucher game.
Guests
No named guests appear; it’s a segment with the hosts only (Jase, Mike, Keezy), plus a caller named Daniel from Wellington.
Key claims
Wedding couple will not last (“shocking bastard”); stolen-car stats: ~9,000 cars stolen in 12 months, ~90% over 10 years old; the caller’s dinner is mince and rice; Daniel flosses once a year.
Notable examples
Wedding in Taupo with a long train, a bridesmaid who’s a bloke, a kiss with “tongue action” and a hickey; stolen-car top 10 includes Mazda Axela, Toyota Mark X, Mazda Atenza, Subaru Impreza, Hilux, Vitz, Demio, Nissan Tiida, Corolla, and Toyota Aqua (ranked #1).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOWedding Stories and Observations
0:45 to 4:30
Discussion about a recent wedding experience, including details about the ceremony and humorous anecdotes.
“Friends of my wife I've gotten to know over the last 12 years, and he was getting married.”
Wedding Speeches and Humor
4:30 to 8:00
Reflection on the best man's speech and the fine line between humor and embarrassment at weddings.
“Pearl Jam there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this beautiful Wednesday evening, fellas.”
Most Stolen Cars in Aotearoa
8:00 to 14:01
Discussion about the top 10 most stolen cars in New Zealand, including personal stories related to the cars.
“The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy.”
Call with Daniel: Life and Mince
14:01 to 16:33
A light-hearted phone call with a listener discussing his life and dinner plans.
“If you hear this play during a song, you call us straight away on 0800 Hauraki, and if you are lucky enough, you'll get through and you'll get a$50 Reburger voucher.”
Reflections on Giving Vouchers
16:34 to 17:09
Hosts reflect on the joy of giving a voucher to a young listener struggling with finances.
“There's something really pleasing about giving a voucher to a young fella, isn't there?”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.
0:07Keyzie:Radiohead there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 28 minutes past five o 'clock. Fellas, I went to a wedding over the weekend. Yeah. Oh, nice. Man, I love love. Do you love love, Jase? Yeah, sure. I don't mind love. It's all right, eh? No. Have you got any cool love music there, Keyzie? Yeah, man. It was down in Taupo. Beautiful. Whereabouts? Taupo.
0:35Mike Minogue:Dark bottom.
0:36Keyzie:Never heard of it, but okay. You've never heard of Taupo? No.
0:40Mike Minogue:Lake Taupo? No, Taupo.
0:42Keyzie:Oh, yeah.
0:45Mike Minogue:Okay, what the hell's this? Carry on. God, it was beautiful. Friends of my wife I've gotten to know over the last 12 years, and he was getting married. you know, what a fella there. Gorgeous sunny day, hot as Hades it was. Yes, you were steamy. Sweat fear pissing off me. I was wearing a beautiful linen, cream linen suit there, Keezy. Did you have your sandals on? No, I didn't. I wasn't allowed to wear sandals. I had to wear black boots, my wife said. I forgot, Jase, I forgot to bring a black kerchief for my pocket. Oh, bugger. So I took a black sock and I cut that up and folded it up and it looked like a kerchief.
1:27Nobody was any of the wiser. Nice. Little tip there for you, Keezy. If you haven't got your kerchief, cut up a sock.
1:33Mike Minogue:That sounds so nice.
1:38Anyway, the bribe was absolutely stunning. Wearing what I would describe as sort of a bone lace dress. A train on it went back, I don't know, 15, 20 metres. Wow. Unbelievable. Really beautiful. Five bribes maids. One of them was a bloke. Haven't seen that for a while. I've actually been a bridesmaid before. Yeah. Yeah, loved it. Came down the aisle to white wedding from Billy Idol. Far out. Romantic. Not a dry eye in the house. Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, really beautiful. The ceremony, absolutely hooked in, can I say, at the kiss. Absolutely. Oh, they went for it. Absolutely hooning it.
2:23Keyzie:A bit of tongue action? Yes, fully. Yeah, it's interesting that wedding kiss. Some people really go for it, and some people it's just a chaste. Yeah, a bit of a peck just to see all things, and there's guests involved. But she gave him a hickey. Oh, wow. Yeah, nice. Yeah, yeah. Now you're talking.
2:42Mike Minogue:Because you might have Nan there. Yes, Nan was there. Yeah. Nan doesn't want to see you hooking in.
2:47Keyzie:Oh, she was hooking in as well. Nan was hooking in. I was going to say, I disagree. Old people get into it, man. And they love a bit of sex action. Yeah. Bit of hot and steamy stuff, Keezy.
2:56Mike Minogue:Right. Right, I'm just talking about hooking up in front of Nan. I was picturing me doing it in front of my Nana, and she probably wouldn't have been. Do you reckon she wouldn't have been into that? I don't know, actually. She's passed away now. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean. What? She wouldn't. She wouldn't be into it.
3:10Keyzie:Did you often picture you hooking in front of your Nana, or was that just what you just had that now?
3:14Mike Minogue:Oh, a couple of times. Oh, okay. Yeah. I've pictured me hooking up in front of my Nan, yeah. Then there were some great speeches later on, you know, The speech is always quite funny, you know? Yes, yes. A couple of jokes here and there, and especially from the best man. Yeah. He had some really good ones, you know, sort of chucked them under the bus. You're never too sure because it's a fine line, Kesey. You want to say a few things that are quite funny, but you don't want to go over the top. Well, it's not a 21st speech, is it? Thank you. That's the best way to describe it. It's not a 21st. So when he started banging on about all the affairs and everything, I thought that was...
3:47Mike Minogue:Yeah. He was joking though, right? What? About the affairs. Nah. That was the thing. I thought airing their laundry there, is that the place to do that? Yeah, totally.
3:55Keyzie:Is it? I was crapping myself at my wedding about that sort of stuff. Yeah, right. About that being revealed. Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, God, he was going to talk about all my affairs.
4:04Mike Minogue:Did any of them come out at the wedding or nah?
4:06Keyzie:Oh, no, but a couple of them were there. Yeah, that's right. But as long as it's before the ceremony, I think you're all good. Yes. You're all square. But after you're married, then that's you've got to take it seriously anyway. Yeah. But, yeah, geez. Wow, that sounds great. Yeah, great speeches. Just a great couple. Just a really beautiful couple as well. So they are a good couple? You think it'll last? Oh, it won't last. No, God, no. No, he's a shocking bastard.
4:30Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.
4:34Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Pearl Jam there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this beautiful Wednesday evening, fellas. And you may be aware that at the moment Radio Hauraki is giving away a magnificent boat.
4:48Mike Minogue:Certainly are, Jase. a fin chaser, 535 centre console, 60 horsepower, Mercury four-stroke Voyager trailer, 75K the whole package is worth. It is getting drawn very, very, very soon. It's your last chance to get yourself in the draw. So if you're keen to win it, text BOAT to 3483 and name the bastard. Fresh batch of names came through last week. Fellas. Oh, here we go.
5:11Keyzie:They've been pretty poor of late.
5:13Mike Minogue:Yeah, but you guys are pretty harsh judges. All right, chase the fin. slash chasing fins because it's a fin chaser. Yeah. Jase, can you go, man? You can't just go silent. What do you think? Well, you're asking us not to be critical, so we're not. Okay, be critical.
5:30Keyzie:Don't just go silent. That sucks so badly. It's a fin chaser and you're going to call it chasing fins and the imagination of it. Hell yeah. Better.
5:43Mike Minogue:Not great still, but an improvement. Yes. Tuna tub. What does that mean? It's just a tub where you get tuna. Yeah, no good. Going out in the old tuna tub? No. Oh, actually, yeah, going out in the old tuna tub. Yeah, I don't mind it. Yeah. The cod piece. Okay, so that's a yes for the cod piece then? That doesn't make sense either, but it's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Backboner, all in capitals. No. You don't like Backboner? No. No. Rodfather.
6:14Keyzie:Yeah, that's okay. So that's better.
6:15Mike Minogue:Yes. Someone here has had a go at making a pun. Oh, God. Gurned roses. Instead of guns and roses. Gurned. The level that that sucks at actually makes it pretty good. Yes. Gurned roses. What is it? Gurned roses. That is so bad. Gurned roses.
6:37Keyzie:And then they sent it in. Yeah. Man. Made a beautiful eating fish, though, you gurned.
6:42Mike Minogue:So you could call it like Gurnard Rose's Appetite for Disturgeon or something like that. Oh, Disturgeon's good. That's nice from you, Keezy. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, but you don't usually get sturgeon in the ocean. Oh, okay. Sturgeon expert. Keezy's Pink Pepperoni Palace. Yep, great. No, what do you mean? That's great. That makes no sense. That's top three. Yeah. That makes no sense. Can you give me that again? Keezy's Pink Pepperoni Palace. It's not even a palace. Well it was because you were in that boat on the sideline With your pepperonis out
7:14Keyzie:And I would argue that they're not They're not pink, they're burnt meat patties
7:19Mike Minogue:Yeah Burnt meat patties Okay What about this name? This is a real reach The HMS I have eczema And then after that in speech Marks Chris The HMS I have eczema Chris That's the shittest name. No, that's the winner. No, it's not.
7:43Keyzie:That is the winner today, Keezy. The HMS I have asked Chris. Can you imagine if you saw that boat, you would be thrilled.
7:51Mike Minogue:Yeah. That's great. Okay, well, that's the winner of today's mini competition. It's not the winner of the actual competition. So text your boat to 3483. Get yourself in the draw. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.
8:08Keyzie:Chemical Brothers there on the Radio Hauraki big show this Tuesday afternoon. The time is 5.41. Fjellers. Fjellers. Hey, the top 10 list has come out of the most stolen cars in Aotearoa for the last 12 months. Every year we sort of visit this, don't we? It's a bloody interesting list.
8:27Mike Minogue:Well, the reason it's quite interesting for you guys is that, well, Jase, you did own a car that had previously been on the top 10 the most stolen list, what happened to it? Yes, got stolen. Yeah, and Moki, you also own a couple of the cars that are on this list. Yeah, absolutely I do. And an interesting thing that they come at with all sorts of stats, there's about 9 ,000 cars stolen. Wow. That's a lot. In 12 months, that is a lot. 12 months, it's quite a lot. And saying that 90 % of the cars stolen were over 10 years old. Right. Isn't that interesting? I suppose modern, like a new car to be in a garage?
9:00Well, I guess it's harder to thieve. It's harder, yes. with all the anti-theft sort of devices they've got these days.
9:08Mike Minogue:Whereas all the, and there's hardly any like 90s and 80s cars left on the road now, all of the early 2000s to mid were quite easy to steal, I think. I don't think it's hard to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
9:18Keyzie:Especially if it's like a push start ignition and so forth, that makes it harder, doesn't it, to neck? Dunno. Yeah, if you've got a key, if you leave the keys on the ignition, that's easier. Yeah, leave it idly. Yeah, that's the one. Which I've done. So we're going to take you through the top 10 here, fellas, and just see what you think. Keezer, you're probably going to have a better chance of knowing what these cars are.
Read the full transcript
9:37Mike Minogue:Right, okay. I don't know all of them. I don't know all of them. I'll just get the top 10 music ready. Hang on. Coming in at number 10 is the Mazda Acceler. Yeah, so that's the hatchback. That's what I've got. What Jace has got. Wow. Yes. There you go, Jace. You're in the top 10, man. Which is the Japanese version of the New Zealand Mazda 3. Now, that's the same position that it finished in last year. It was 10th. Okay. Coming in at number 9 is the Toyota Mark X. Which is like a sedan, I think. I've not heard of a car. Quite often silver. No idea. And then I believe it turned into a bit of a minivan-y type thing as well.
10:08Mike Minogue:Interesting. Okay. There are a lot of them on New Zealand roads. Okay, I'm going to keep my eye out for that one. That's in the same position as last year as well. The Mazda Atienza. Atienza, which is the sort of station wagon or sedan. Yes. A lot of Mazdas in New Zealand. Not surprised there. A lot. And that's dropped three spots from last year, so it's falling out of favour. The Subaru Impreza. Heaps of Imprezas on the road. Yeah. Not surprised. That's climbed one spot. Okay. So well done to the Impreza. The Toyota Hilux coming at number six, same position as last year. Interesting that Hiluxes are getting stolen.
10:41Look, if I was going to steal one so far out of this list, I'm probably going to go with the Hilux.
10:45Mike Minogue:Yeah, well, is that the one with the tray? It's a ute, yes. Yeah, yeah. Do you not know what a Hilux is? No. Come on, man. Coming at number five is the Toyota Vitz. Which is a little hatch. Yeah, that's your dream car, isn't it, Joe? I've seen them nipping all over the place. One day, man. That's climbed two spots. Okay. Coming in at number four is the Mazda Demio in the same place as last year. But Mazda Demio in previous years has been number one. Yes. It's held that title for a number of years. Yes. So that's dropping off a bit.
11:13Keyzie:That's what I bought that got nicked.
11:15Mike Minogue:No, you had a Tita.
11:17Keyzie:No, it was a Demio. No, it was a Tita. Oh, was it a Tita? The tan one. It was a tan interior. Yeah, brown leather interior. Brown leather interior. That's what I was going to call. Coming in at number three, the Nissan Tita.
11:27Mike Minogue:Wow. Okay. Same as last year. You've got a Tita. I have a Tita. I still have a teeter. I love the teeter. Has it ever been stolen? Never been stolen. That's a shame, isn't it? Never been stolen. I nearly got in a crash, actually, last week at the lights. Yeah. Out here, there was a guy that was in the right-hand lane next to me. The right-hand lane next to me was for turning right. Yes. These are particularly annoying lights. He crept forward about 10 metres forward of the lights. Right. Forward of me. And I thought, well, you know, obviously we're sitting at a red light there. and I thought to myself, it looks to me like this guy is going to try and cut in front of me.
12:04This is what it looks like. But he's not indicating. And he also hasn't wound down his window and put his hand at you. All good, brother. So I waited for that green light and as soon as it turned green, I shot out of the line. What, in a teeter? In the teeter, hoping that he would clean me up to ride it off and I could do an insurance job. He moved over. I was right. That's exactly what he was trying to do. He strayed over into the centre line. He saw me steaming up on the inside. He corrected and moved back into his own lane. He gave me what could only be described as a series of violent bird movements with his left and right hands, but he never leant on the horn.
12:43But he was fuming. Yeah, I can't imagine why. He was absolutely fuming. Well, that guy, it was his fault. No, totally. I was in my own lane. That guy was a shocking bastard. Yeah, I reckon. He probably listens to the show. He looked like he did. Coming in at number two is a Toyota Corolla.
12:56Mike Minogue:Yeah. Same as last year. Classic. Hasn't moved. And this year, coming in at number one on the AMI top ten stolen cars list, the Toyota Aqua. Oh, yeah. You have an Aqua as well? I have an Aqua. Did you sell the Aqua? I'm trying.
13:14Keyzie:Nobody wants it. My wife's got an Aqua. Oh, does she? Yes. Good little car, that. Oh, that's right.
13:21Mike Minogue:Good little car.
13:21Keyzie:Yeah, she loves it.
13:23Mike Minogue:I mean, I personally think they're a heap of shit, but that's all G.
13:27Keyzie:I want to say you said that to Keezy She'll be so upset with you man She'll call me in tears
13:32Mike Minogue:Do you remember when you were going to buy a Peugeot?
13:35Keyzie:Yes That's right That was funny I'm still filthy I didn't
13:38Mike Minogue:Yeah okay It would have blown up by now
13:41Keyzie:Here's the cure
13:43Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show With Jase, Mike and Keezy Tune in Weekdays at 4 On Radio Hauraki
13:49Keyzie:Yes indeed The Offspring there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show This Wednesday afternoon The time 20 minutes to 5 o 'clock.
13:57Mike Minogue:Who wants Reburger?
14:00Keyzie:Yes, and I do believe we played the Reburger sting.
14:04Mike Minogue:We certainly did, Jase. If you hear this play during a song, you call us straight away on 0800 Hauraki, and if you are lucky enough, you'll get through and you'll get a$50 Reburger voucher.
14:14Keyzie:Bloody great stuff, Kesey. Let's go to the phone lines. G'day, Daniel, you mad bastard. How's life?
14:19Mike Minogue:G'day, what are you, J? Good, mate. How are you?
14:22Keyzie:Yeah, good, thanks, mate. Can't complain. Can't complain. You know, getting by, Daniel. How's it going down there, Daniel? I understand that you guys are waist-deep in sewerage at the moment. Yeah, it smells a bit funny, but the weather's good, so. Yeah, you beauty.
14:36Mike Minogue:Yeah, so is there, Daniel, g'day, man. Keezy, I hope you're well. Hey, Keezy, good, mate, good. Yeah, good stuff. Is it genuinely like a, not a visible smell, but like an obvious smell of sewerage down there in Wellington? Nah, it's not too bad. It's actually not all right, it's all right.
14:52Keyzie:Okay, that's actually the one time you don't want it to be a really nice hot day. You know what I mean? When you're just swimming in sewage. Yeah, you want the wind to blow that away. Yes, totally.
15:02Mike Minogue:Hey, Daniel, just quickly, mate, we'll give you a$50 Reburger voucher. We're just going to confirm a few details. Yeah, mate. First question here, does Jase look like Parker from Thunderbirds? 100%. Yeah, correct. Yeah, cool. That's good from you, man. Yeah, 100%. I'm just going to fill that out there. What do you do for a crust, man? I'm a chippy. Oh, you're a backbone. That's a backbone. That's two ticks. Yeah, it's two ticks. Second question, sorry, third question. What's for dinner tonight, man? It's supposed to be mince and rice. Mince and rice. Oh, come on, man. Yeah. Who's making that? Well, I will be.
15:39Yeah, how old are you, man?
15:41Mike Minogue:24. You're a shocking bat. Mince and rice. Yum, I can't wait. That sounds delicious. Yeah, mate. Daniel. Daniel, how often do you floss, man? Probably once a year. Once a year, yeah.
15:58Keyzie:A year, backbone. And even that would have to be when you're staying somewhere else, man, because do you own any dental floss? No.
16:06Mike Minogue:Good stuff. Daniel from Wellington, what colour are your undies? They are black. Yeah, nice. Black.
16:13Keyzie:Everyone seems to run the black or matte black.
16:16Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your deepest fear, Daniel from Wellington? Last question. probably waking up on a Sunday after responsible drinking. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. I get that. Yeah, anxiety. Daniel, you've got yourself a$50 Reburger voucher, mate. Yes, lad. Thank you. That's a one, eh? No worries, mate. You hold the line, old pug son. I'll sort you out.
16:36Keyzie:There's something really pleasing about giving a voucher to a young fella, isn't there? A young fella? He's on the mince and rice. He's on the mince and rice. I mean... Bones of his ass. What a great thing that he can now go out and just, you know, buy some delicious food from Reburga. You know he's had a hurr of a weekend there. He's about as far away from his payday as he's going to get. Times are tough on a Tuesday. Oh, it's Wednesday. He's just got to survive another day, maybe two. Yeah, maybe two. Until he gets paid again and start eating properly.
17:06Mike Minogue:Yeah. It's a shame the Reburga voucher will take about six months to get to it. Oh, it'll never tell you.
17:10Keyzie:Yeah, but it will eventually, Tuesday. Here's Pluto.
17:15Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Beat Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hodaki.
From the publisher
On today's bonus best bits, we give out advice, chat to the backbones and disagree on nautical names.
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