COLD CUTS: The Invitation

5:32No Is that what you play every time somebody rings a bell? Yeah It's the Jizz Palace

5:40Mike Minogue:Anyway, so your new apartment

5:41Keyzie:We use the buzzer there It's quite exciting, that Buzzing people in Who is this? Who are you? What do you want? Okay, I'll let you in. Dinner. Now, you know what, fellas? You know what I'm thinking? Yeah. Rather than me, you know, because I'm bloody busy and stuff, faffing around with food, why don't we just get takeaways? Right, is this for the flat warming? Yeah, we just, all the fellas and their partners come over, just hang out at my pad. I'll get takeaways. You'll get them? I'll get them on Whitey J. They'll be on me. I'm not entirely opposed to the whole idea, but what I'm worried about is that I'm going to walk in there and there's going to be boxes half-unpacked.

6:24There'll be garbage lying all over the place. You'll have all your pictures lying on the floor. The TV won't work. Plates will be in a box. We'll have to eat out of containers. We'll have to use our hands because you haven't got the forks and knives.

6:36Mike Minogue:Yeah, actually I agree. My worry is that it's going to be a shambles.

6:39Keyzie:Sure. The only thing that's inaccurate with what you said there, Moggy, was there's no garbage or anything like that lying around, But there's plenty of boxes. Yeah. Our cutlery's in plastic bags at the moment. But the pictures is the big problem. Right. And we've had this chat before because you had the same thing. We've got a lot of pictures to hang, a lot of space to hang them up. I just can't be arsed. And then it's what goes where, what works with what, all that sort of jazz. Now, I risked really offending my wife with this. I said, look, why don't we get somebody around? Yes. Now, my wife is the person who decorates the house.

7:18Yeah. She is. She's pretty qualified for that. Oh, she's very, very qualified. But I said, my concern is that these things are going to lie around for a long time. So I'll just get a guy in and he'll put them up and then we can go from there. She was adamant. She's like, no, just leave it for me. And I went against her wishes. She came home and they were on the wall. Yes. Now, we moved in there about six months ago. there are still other pictures that are not in that room that are sitting on the ground not yet hung up.

7:48Mike Minogue:That she wants to hang up? Yeah. Right. I have moved some of them down into the storage. I am concerned that she's listening to this at home right now. That's fine. But my point is you can get so carried away with everything else going on in your life that it will never, ever happen. Yes. So you need to get somebody to come in and deal with it.

8:08Keyzie:Okay. What sort of dash are we talking here? It's a few hundred bucks. I think it was a few hundred bucks. Right. A couple of three hundred. It doesn't take them long. No. It's a couple. So I think it was like 240 or something like that. There's only one piece we know exactly where it's going, and it's our old mate, your photographer friend. Yes. Oh, yeah, good. Yeah, we know where that's going. Richard Thurston, look him up out there. Yes, bloody good. Right. Oh, okay, maybe I'll just hire someone then.

8:33Mike Minogue:You also need someone that knows how to hang paintings and pictures up, right? Yes, totally. That last one you mentioned sounds quite big.

8:39Keyzie:Yeah, it's big and it's a heavy bastard.

8:41Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you want, Jase, you know, I'm quite handy. Handsy? No, not handsy. I'm quite handy. You know, I'm quite good at doing stuff with my hands. Handy what? Like, you know, I'm handy. Like, I'm good at hanging stuff up and building. Well, not building.

8:58Keyzie:Well, how much would you charge?

9:00Mike Minogue:How many pictures have you got?

9:02Keyzie:20.

9:03Mike Minogue:20 pictures? Yeah. Would you do 20 bucks a picture? No. Right.

9:08Keyzie:Well, I mean, it's you doing it, so it's got to be mates rates for a start, so that's got to be a hundy. And that's high. I'll give you a hundy. And if you do come over and hang them all for me, no chit-chat, there's no kesey Hoody J, you're doing a service for Hoody J and you'll behave as such. Can I recommend that you confiscate his phone while he's doing the work? Yes. Because he does have a habit of going online. And you certainly won't be doing a steamer in the Hoody J toilet, I'll tell you that much.

9:36Mike Minogue:Right, your cat's got a litter box though, eh?

9:37Keyzie:And no going through the drawers and undies drawers and stuff like that.

9:43Mike Minogue:Why would I go through your undies drawers? Well, I know what you like, Keezy. Yeah, I can't get enough of Hoody J's undies. What is that,$100? $100. Now you can shove it up your ass.

9:58Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

10:04Keyzie:Smashing pumpkins here on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. Let's give out some advice.

10:11Mike Minogue:Be pretty nips 69 At gmail.com Get in touch with the fellas. It's actually quite beautiful, isn't it? It's lovely. I haven't heard Pugs singing that for many, many months. I know. Actually, can we have that again? If you just listen to Pugs' voice here. Oh, yeah, here we go. Be pretty nips 69 at gmail.com. You know what? Get in touch. It's sexy, man. It's fuckers. What's happened is I completely forget that it goes, me, patty nip 69, and then it stops. You guys add the no, ha, ha, ha.

10:50Keyzie:Yeah, that's what we've been doing. Yes, fair.

10:52Mike Minogue:I thought that was how he was doing it.

10:53Keyzie:Right.

10:54Mike Minogue:But no. Hey, thanks for letting that one breathe there, fellas. Nice. What do we think? Good. I like it. Better than us singing? No. Oh. Hey, this one comes in from Anonymous. and don't forget meetpattynips69 at gmail.com is a real email address we're starting to run low now so if you do send in questions good chance you'll get a reberg about you G'day fellas I have a massive issue where my two young cats keep bringing in giant wetters into the house at night as that is what they like to hunt they bring them in alive and I wake up every morning to a new one in my house near my bed no joke these bastards are the size of a 6 inch sub Any advice on how to make my cat stop this behaviour or what I should do with my excess of wetters?

11:38Mike Minogue:Cheers, Anonymous.

11:40Keyzie:Well, you could move into an apartment. Apartment. That way they don't get to go outside. Yeah. They just go insane inside, but they're not bringing horrendous critters from the bush in your backyard. Because a wetter is terrifying. Have you seen one? Yeah, they are a formidable-looking insect. It has to be said. Did Jizz used to bring in any other than skinks? Anything a bit more substantial than that? True story. She once caught a little bird and she had the bird in her mouth and she walked into the lounge freaking out because you could tell by her eyes she didn't know what to do with it. And so she just had this bird in her mouth and she was just looking at all of us going, what do I do with this?

12:20Keyzie:And then she dropped it and my daughter went, oh, my God, oh, my God, and then put it in a box and revived it and then released it about an hour later. Really? Yes.

12:30Mike Minogue:That's nice. So you reckon that was Jizz, your cat? Was it Jizz's first ever birth?

12:36Keyzie:Yes, I think so. That's why she was so freaked out about it. And actually on that front too, she did bring in a lot of crickets. Oh, yeah, crickets. Yes. You don't see a lot of crickets. Yeah. Crickets. I wonder if... And it's amazing that she never did bring in a witch. Maybe she did because there'd be a mountain of wettlers around our place. Yes, for sure. Yeah, probably.

12:55Mike Minogue:Have you seen a wetter recently, though? They are terrifying. Yeah, they are. They've always been terrifying. They're shocking. No, but recently. Have I seen one recently? Yeah, I don't know what's happened with wetters recently. Oh, there's more of them? No, but they look different. They wear leather jackets now. They've got switchblades. 100%. They are way wet. They're all patched up. They're more intense looking now.

13:13Keyzie:Do you remember my wetter story I told you about a year ago? No. On the farm there?

13:19Mike Minogue:Your wetter story. Oh, yeah. You squished it and all the juice went in your mouth. Oh, yeah.

13:26Keyzie:I had a broom handle and went squirt, and it squirted into my mouth. Was your mouth open when you were doing the broom handle? Yeah. Oh, dude, that is. It was so disgusting. Look, in terms of what you can do here, it's just the nature of it, and we've been through this time and time again. It's a cat. You've got cats. That's it. So you can close your bedroom door so they don't bring them in. But, yeah, you're pretty limited on options there, aren't you? You should do what they do in Australia with cat curfews. And after a certain period of time, they're not allowed outside. Really? Yes.

13:58Mike Minogue:That's interesting. Yeah.

13:59Keyzie:Like 6 o 'clock, from 6 o 'clock onwards, they're inside. Because they're laying waste.

14:04Mike Minogue:Yeah, right. To the local floor and fauna. Like your wedders, you ask the wedders. They'd love it. I'm not talking to wedders. They'd love it. Last one I saw had a leather jacket and a bandana on. And a switchblade. Yeah, and a switchblade. So anyway, I hope that helps. Meet pattynip69 at gmail.com. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hodaki.

14:24Keyzie:Yes indeed, Smashing Pumpkins there on the Radio Hodaki big show this Thursday evening. We've got Pug Son in the studio. Ooh, it's Pug Son. G'day fellas, how are you? Hi. Great show so far. Thank you, man. Loving it. Loving it today, really good. Maybe you could laugh a bit more rather than sit in there and look like you're having the worst day of your life. I'm just going on my phone, man. The TikToks are really good today.

14:49Mike Minogue:Hey Pugs, the reason I got you in here. Hi. is because last night you sent out some invites to your birthday party. Yeah. So you made a group chat with me, Hoody J, and Old Mogey over there. Old Mogey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you said, hey, we're having your 30th birthday this weekend. We'd love to see you there. And then all of us instantly were like, wait, what time is it? It's not this weekend. It's not this weekend. No, no, no. This time. And I didn't say that. This particular weekend. Oh, right. OK. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's already confusing enough,

15:16Keyzie:Keesley, without you making it more confusing.

15:17Mike Minogue:Totally. I apologise. I feel like you're putting words in my mouth. Can I say that? I love putting things in your mouth. Yeah, I was going to jump on that one too. Well, yeah, fair, but not words. Yeah. So I was confused because I didn't know what time to get there. So, Mogi, what did you say, like 7 a.m. or something? Well, I just wondered, yeah, because it was completely vague. There was no time at all, was there? So I just, I didn't know. And get this, my wife said maybe it's like a cool thing people, and this is serious, maybe it's like a cool thing people are doing now where they just say, oh, we're going to be there whenever and we'll just see you there.

15:46And just hope for the best.

15:47Mike Minogue:And I'm 100 % serious. She's like, I don't know, because Pugs is quite cool. He's got cool friends. Maybe that's just what they do.

15:52Keyzie:Mike, can I just jump in here without looking at the chat again? My recollection is that he did name a time.

16:00Mike Minogue:No, he didn't. Oh, okay. We farted around doing bits for like five minutes on the times that we should do. Moggy said, what is it, 10 a.m.? And then I was like, just in a joking way, 7 a.m. or whatever. And then we landed on the evening. Yeah, so it's the evening. So what time is that? I mean, the evening is a very long time. What do you think the evening is? I literally don't know. 8pm? I don't think you said evening. I think you said 7, didn't you? That's what I mean. No, I said evening. I said 7am is a joke after you said 10am. No, it was a joke. Yeah, I got that bit. And then I said the evening.

16:32Mike Minogue:Oh, okay. So is it 7pm? Sure, man. See, this is a cool thing my wife was talking about. It's not cool. It's annoying. We'll be there. That's cool, though. Hopefully when you guys turn up, I'll be there.

16:42Keyzie:Well, it just gives me good reason to say I turned up at 5 and no one was there. Yeah, I turned up in the evening for me.

16:48Mike Minogue:Although, to be fair, Jase, you'll probably say you're going to show up and then just not show up.

16:52Keyzie:My concern is that it was going to be a weird buzzy party because I know that you go to buzzy... Yes, I was very... Well, he invited my wife as well. My wife doesn't want to go to buzzy parties. Is it a buzzy party?

17:06Mike Minogue:It's not what she told me. Is it a buzzy party? Because I need to know as well. Don't know, man. You guys just turned up in the evening. A couple of weeks to hit the gym. Yeah. Right, okay, so it might be a buzzy party. The other thing too which confused me was you said in our group chat, hey, feel free to bring a plus one, but then you made another group and my wife was in that group. Oh, did I put your wife in that group? And then you told her to bring a plus one. Did I put her in not you? Yes, so she's going to bring her mate from work and then I don't know who I'm going to take as my – because usually I'd take her, so I'll probably bring prebs or something.

17:33Mike Minogue:That'd be lovely. I'd love to see both – yeah. So we are both allowed a plus one? Yeah. I'm a bit interested, Jason. I'm sure you backed me up here. There's been a separate chat group. Thank you, Mogi.

17:42Keyzie:I was about to say I'm not aware of this.

17:44Mike Minogue:that we're not a part of. This was a conscious choice because I knew that you guys wouldn't want to get bombarded by the group chat that I made on Instagram with the other folks that I'm inviting. And so I thought I would personally, personally invite you three and your very attractive partners. But you also separately invited Keezy's missus. Yeah, we don't need to get into that. That's a separate. On a group chat.

18:07Keyzie:Don't worry about that. I mean, I'm into meeting new people, Pugs.

18:10Mike Minogue:Yeah.

18:11Keyzie:Just not talking to them. I don't want to talk to them, but I'm into chatting with them. I just want to look at them. Talk to them versus chatting with them. You might get in the chat there. Oh, on the chat. I'm leaving it online. Online chat. Okay, I can put you in the group chat. Come on. No, don't actually. That'll just annoy me.

18:26Mike Minogue:So what time is it? It's in the evening. You just turn up when you feel like it, brother. I don't really feel like it, to be honest. The Hauraki Beat Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.