COLD CUTS: The Keyzie Special

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

0:07Keyzie:Lenny Kravitz there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. The time is 20 minutes to 6 o 'clock. Fellas, I've got a problem with Birdshit Chris.

0:19Mike Minogue:Birdshit Chris. Just for those that don't know, the audience voted and named Mogi's new cat. I know, there'll be some of the audience that will think, oh that's Keyzie's name, Birdshit Chris. Yeah, yeah. Which everyone called him when he was at high school. No, not everyone. One friend called me that for like a day, and now it's a sting on the show, which is great. The cat we've had since around about Christmas, New Year's sort of period, it's a great cat, bullshit Chris. What a great cat. The problem we've got with it now is that, well, what's been happening is it sleeps in my daughter's bed, which is great.

0:55How cute is that? I used to love that with my cat Smudge. Oh, you call it Smudge. Was your cat not called Bird Shit Chris? Nah.

1:02Mike Minogue:But Smudge used to sleep in my bed with me sometimes. I loved it as a cat. Yeah, it's so cute. Well, what's happened now is the cat likes to get up in the middle of the night, say around 2.30, 3 a.m., and just start meowing and throwing herself at the walls. Oh, wow. So what we did, of course, was we just closed my daughter's bedroom door. Yes. What the cat's done is sticks its paw underneath the door and pulls the door open. Yeah. Which is a sign of a smart cat. Yeah. But a real pain in the ass for old mogi. So this morning the cat was up banging around the house. So I got up, I took the cat, I took its litter tray and I took a little bed for it.

1:43I went outside and underneath the house, which is where we've got our laundry, and I put the cat in there from about three o 'clock in the morning. My wife and my daughter are furious about this. Right, okay. Now, what happened after I put the cat down there was I went back to sleep and slept till 6.30. Which is good for you. Which is unbelievable for me. So what they think should happen is the cat should just stay inside keeping me awake or I have to go and sleep in the laundry. It's a legitimate suggestion that they came up with. With a litter box? I don't get a litter box. Oh, what? So I don't really know.

2:18So, well, I do know what's happened here. We've brought in another cat. We've known it for another part of our family. We've known it for six months. I'm already now below this cat. On the pecking order? On the pecking order. Yes. It's a cat.

2:35Mike Minogue:It sounds like a pretty onto it cat, though. Like, it can open doors. It can open doors, but so can I. Sounds like if we're going to compare apples with apples. Sounds like a conniving little bastard to me. It is a shocking bastard. It's got a real, it's got it in for me. Can I say that? Yeah, it's got that vibe about it.

2:51Keyzie:Yeah. I went into the lounge the other day and said, look, we've got to get the cat outside because it did another wee on our bed. Loves it. It only does it on my side. I said, we've got to put the cat outside. My wife said, look, it's too late now. There's no point doing it. And I looked over at the cat. The cat was pulling a brown eye.

3:12Mike Minogue:Yeah. Yeah. And it was facing away from you. It was on all fours looking over its shoulder like you, Kesey, giving me a brown eye. But was its front – where its front paw is reaching back and, like, accentuating the brown eye? Well, that's the thing. Yes. Okay, well, then that's definitely –

3:28Keyzie:It's so weird, Moggy, because with Jizz – Your cat, Jace's cat, his name's Jizz.

3:33Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah.

3:34Keyzie:Well, as, you know, does Birdshit Chris do – Jizz. Birdshit Chris do this. like I'm holding some food, taking it to the family dinner table. Do she run straight across, just right across the floor. Yeah. Just as I'm walking and I'm like, whoa. Yes. Have you seen the movie The Omen? Yes. You know, and the little kid that's possessed that is Satan. Yes. And he's on his little push bike and he goes, and she's hanging some flowers and he knocks her off the balcony. Yeah. It's got the same vibe about it. and so does Birdshit Chris to me. Yeah, that's right. I think Birdshit Chris is trying to push me out to become the man of the family.

4:17Yes. That's the vibe that I'm getting. So there'll be more that goes on. We've got a lop his, what do you call them? Testicles? Off. That's next. I thought it was a she. Is it a he? Jesus. Nah, nah, I'm pretty sure it's a dude. Yeah, okay. I've been around there.

4:34Keyzie:You should see the balls on this bastard. On the cat? No, me.

4:37Mike Minogue:Mogi.

4:41What about, are Birdshit Chris's eyes on the piss like yours? Nah, Birdshit Chris's eyes are absolutely fine, but weirdly, Birdshit Chris, just like you, he is completely hammered on the piss. Here's Jan.

4:59Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

5:03Keyzie:Yes, indeed, Tom Petty there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show. this, what is it, Tuesday night?

5:10Mike Minogue:It is Tuesday night there. Hey, fellas, I've got a quick bone to pick if that's all G.

5:15Keyzie:I got a bone to pick.

5:20Mike Minogue:Hey, Jase, I've got a bone to pick with you, man. Not again, man. No, I'm sorry, and I feel like I'm on your case, and I don't want to be on your case, man. Sure, pick your game up, man, then he won't have to get on your case. Well, I don't want to be on your case, but pick your game up. You think he wants to be on your case? What's that?

5:34Keyzie:You think he wants to be on your case? Yes, I feel like he does want to be on my case.

5:40Mike Minogue:So my wife comes in today and she goes, oh, have you seen Hoody J's Instagram story? And I was like, no. She's like, well, you might want to have a look at it. I was like, cool. And then I was like, oh, he must have tagged me in it because if it's about me, he would have tagged. No, no tag. Oh, that's right. And sometimes Hodaki will do this as well. Dilly or Pugs is pretty good, to be honest, but you'll just get a message from someone being like, ha-ha, that video is really funny. And you'll be like, what video? And it'll be like, oh, there's a really funny video about your ears or something.

6:06Yeah.

6:06Mike Minogue:And I won't know because I haven't been tagged in it. And so there's just this funny stuff happening online. By the time you get to it, it's got 1 ,500 likes and it's too late to stop it. It's way too late. Late, yeah.

6:15Keyzie:Your ear one, by the way, is up to about 1 ,000 at the moment. Yeah.

6:18Mike Minogue:That's good.

6:19Keyzie:If you haven't seen it, Instagram, the big show.

6:23Mike Minogue:Jase, you tagged me. Well, no, you didn't. You put a story up and it was a photo of some capsicums with the top cut off them, which you had for dinner last night, as you mentioned earlier in the show. No, tonight. Tonight. Oh, is that tonight, is it? Yum.

6:35Keyzie:In actual fact, my wife will probably just be putting them in the oven now, Keezy.

6:38Mike Minogue:Oh, not in the bin? Yeah, I was thinking in the bin. But the caption was, tonight for dinner, the old Keezy special. It's a photo of the shittest capsicum stuffed with pork mints. I forgot about the Keezy special part. It's just like stuffing pork mints into a capsicum doesn't make it a Keezy special. You know what I mean? Well, it's pork mints, Kesey. No, I know, but I don't just stuff it into a capsicum. I just don't go to the supermarket, find the cheapest vegetable and stuff it with pork mints. You never thought of it, though, have you? Well, no, and I did write it down.

7:14Keyzie:I bet you'll be doing it tomorrow night for sure. I love the lid. Yeah. The capsicum lid. I didn't notice that for quite a while. Yeah. Yes. It is shit. I was going to leave the lids off and put cheese on top.

7:27Mike Minogue:Oh, that would have made, you know, it would have been still foul. Yeah, but, you know. To be honest, that makes it more of a Keezy special. I like cheese grilled on top of stuff. Sure. But it's just like I don't want people to start thinking that you just put pork mince in something and then that's a Keezy special. Well, because it's pork mince on its own is also a Keezy special. That's probably the specialist Keezy of all. What you do with pork mince just defies reality sometimes.

7:52Keyzie:I mean, the things that you and your wife come up with is amazing and that's why when I was making it, I thought, God, this is like a Keezy special. Well, I remember one time you made... What? You got pork mince and you made it into the shape of a capsicum. Yeah. And then put pork mince inside that.

8:10Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, that's right. I call that a Keezy special.

8:16Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

8:22Keyzie:Welcome back. The Big Show. Magic round three beat. Let's put another mad bastard on the bed. Bloody Oats, fellas. Bloody Oats.

8:34Mike Minogue:It's a month away. Yeah, man. Going to Brisbane, man. I'm actually not ready for it. I don't know if I'm mentally ready for it. It's going to be an absolute monster. It's the only time this year that I'm going to be getting on it. So far, I haven't had a drink all year. I am unleashing Keezy. I'm actually really worried about that. We're releasing the Kraken. Yeah, God help us all. Over in Brisbane, so yeah, I can't wait. And the other issue is that I know that a couple of Mogey's friends are over there as well. That's right. Yeah, that's not going to help matters.

9:04Keyzie:No. I feel like, you know, when we come back, we should have the week off, fellas. Why is that? Oh, you know, just... Rest and recoup? Exactly. Nice. Because you know, Keezy, when you are hungover, you get all sort of... What?