COLD CUTS: Thiccy J

0:00Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keyzie. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

0:06Keyzie:The killers there on the Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. Fellas, let's give out some advice.

0:15Mike Minogue:Meet PattiNips69 at gmail.com. Get in touch with the fellas. MeetPattiNips69 at gmail.com. With the fellas. It's a specific segment we set up where you can get in touch. It's anonymous, and you can ask questions, get advice. And if we read it on the show, you get$50 worth of Reburger.

0:35Keyzie:Yeah, it's good stuff, Keezy.

0:37Mike Minogue:Which is lovely. This one here is from anonymous, fellas. G'day, guys. Can you please give me some advice? I've just moved from the beautiful, quiet suburbs of Nelson to Auckland for work. I'm now living in an apartment in the CBD. My partner and I have moved up with our dog, and our two cats are being brought up in a couple of weeks' time. The cats will have to be purely inside cats and in all likelihood they're going to hate it. Any tips for animals in a CBD apartment? Litter trays, how to keep them entertained, toys, etc. Do I have to go and fetch them native birds now that they can't bring them inside themselves?

1:13Mike Minogue:Cheers, Anonymous.

1:15Keyzie:It's a real dilemma, isn't it? Because, of course, Jizz is in that situation, my cat. Because we used to live out west. We had a massive backyard. It was a great hunting ground for her. She's been bored shitless ever since, and she's given up. Well, it's an interesting one, isn't it? Because you're torn between your love for your pet, your cat, and doing what's right for them. And obviously doing what's right for a cat is not having them locked up inside a prison, essentially, for the rest of their lives. That's like a punishment. Yes. But selfishly, people always choose their own happiness over that of their pets.

1:50And so in this case, you're going to have a couple of cats It's locked inside an apartment for another 10 years or so. They'll be absolutely miserable, but your feelings will be protected because you'll get to pat them now and again. What's the alternative? Back paddock.

2:01Mike Minogue:Absolute back paddock. So do you think the cat would prefer to be put down than kept in a nice warm apartment? The trick is that they can't know it's coming, Keezy.

2:09Keyzie:They just tend to, yeah, that's true. You've got to have one person distracting them. Hey, over here. Hey, puss, puss, puss, puss. And the other one.

2:19Keyzie:And they tend to get obese. They can. Because they, I mean, Jizz is only a little bugger. Yeah. But, you know, she's, we looked at some photos from about six months ago. She's put on a bit of weight. Well, there's no exercise, Jase. No, that's right. There's none at all. And I feel terrible about it.

2:39Mike Minogue:And what are you feeding her, though? Have you, you know?

2:42Keyzie:Oh, lamb chops, leftover spag bol. She, like me, likes a chip, Kesey. They love, especially Jizz loves it. Yes. Ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream. Yes. I love ice cream. Because that's the other thing. You feel bad because you're punishing them essentially, right? You've got them locked up. So you start feeding. The food becomes the way that you show your love. Yes. And then, of course, they become obese. There's all sorts of diseases and things. It's a terrible cycle. Yeah. Yeah, so... I mean, what a piece of work to sort of move up to the CBD with two cats and a dog. Yeah.

3:22Mike Minogue:You know what I mean? So what, this person's reached out for advice and we're just going to give them a spray on the radio?

3:26Keyzie:Well, as we should. What? We're animal lovers on this show. We are. That's a disgrace.

3:31Mike Minogue:Didn't he just make a shotgun noise with his mouth just before? Well, I didn't.

3:34Keyzie:What are you doing about?

3:35Mike Minogue:Oh, was it not? Nah, nah. Oh, okay. I got something in my teeth. Oh, okay. Sorry, Maggie. Look, I hope that helps. and if anyone else out there needs advice meet pattynips69 at gmail.com get in touch good stuff mate the Hauraki Big Show weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki Tom Petty on the Hauraki Big Show Tuesday evening with Keezy and Pugs hey Keezy man I've got a bit of a dilemma it's not a major but I thought I would bring it up with you as it's quite fresh it's sort of happening live as we speak firstly can I say thanks for coming to me about this you can come to me I want you to know you can come to me with anything I'm always coming to you man You are.

4:13Mike Minogue:All the time. But just keep doing it. Yeah? Yeah, because it's entertaining. Thanks, brother. What's the latest dilemma, man? Okay, so catching up, I think I said it earlier, catching up with me good mate for a bev. Yes. And hopefully some Asian eats, some cheap food around the city. That's sort of the criteria that we've gone for, that we've pre-selected. Okay, and this mate, how far back are we going? How long have you known him? Oh, about a decade. Okay. I met him at uni. At university, mate? He's probably my best mate that I met in those days. Yeah, nice. So he's not your best mate. I noticed how you had to add a little specific disclaimer.

4:44Mike Minogue:No, no, I just think there's a difference between, you know, your original best mate that you have from way back, way back. And your uni best mate. And then you have the best mate that you meet at uni. Yeah, right, because whenever I'm asked who my best mate is, it's always the same person. Yeah, right. And that's my wife. But then I also – You're the man, brother. No, I feel like Hoardy J saying something like that. My actual best mate lives down in Christchurch, right? so he's my best mate and then if I had a mate from uni who I'm very good friends I wouldn't say they were my best uni mate I just say it's my mate from uni I really love calling people my best mates and I think it's not to put anybody in a ranking system or anything like that it's more just like yeah like you are one of the people that I consider my closest friends yeah it's just best in itself there's usually one thing like this is the best not necessarily this is the very best pie at the pie awards oh what there's four others it kind of takes away from the that's how I feel about the pie awards the supreme all the best the supreme winner Pies, man.

5:41Mike Minogue:Yeah, that's true. Pies is a bad example. Anyway, we're so deep in the weeds right now. We don't actually have time for it now, Pugs. What? No, I'm joking. Go. Basically, it's really, we live in the same city, but he's a sort of ways up north, and it's quite hard for us to catch up, you know, different social calendars, things like that. You've got to, like, make the dates work and blah, blah, blah. So tonight's the night we were catching up. Now, when we were messaging, we were talking, you know, as though it was just, you know, the fellas going for some kai. Couple of lads going for a feed. Couple of lads, maybe a beer, and we can really get into it, you know.

6:11Mike Minogue:but literally just now he's messaged. So I'm meeting him after the show. Right, so surely. He messaged just now and he said, are we good to bring partners? Yeah, right. So your partner's not coming? My partner was never coming. She's made total... Carry on. You just sort of looked away from the... Carry on. Carry on. Anyway, I've lost my train of thought now. Oh, no, she was never joining us. Yeah, cool, cool. she's made other plans because she knew that I was making plans with a bride because it's a lad's dinner that's right so I'm sort of I don't know I don't really know like I what did you say back to him I'm also friends with his partner and we go way back and we met at the same time at uni everyone can relate to this girls can relate to this boys can relate to this what did you say back to him so I responded to him and I said he said are we bringing the partner straight and I said oh I'm not bringing my partner but always welcome yeah okay so because she is No, but you don't want that to be the scenario.

7:12Mike Minogue:It's not because you don't like it. It's because it's a lad's night is what you're ready for. It's not that I wouldn't like it. It's more just not what I expected or had in my head or kind of planned. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So if that was me, I would have just said, I'm not bringing my partner. Full stop. Right. It's adding that extra bit. Well, this is the thing, though. In my head, I would love to see her as well. I'd love to catch up with her. It's just not really what I think we – 100%. I think the consensus is we both thought the same thing when we made the plans. And now she's gone. So what's happened here?

7:43Mike Minogue:What's the change? I reckon when she's gone, oh, what are you doing tonight? He's like, oh, I'm catching up with the post. She's like, oh, I didn't know that. And so now he's like, because he's obviously left at last minute, he's gone, oh, I'll see if you can come, I guess. Maybe it's just a bit of a slack thing from him. So what I'd do, Bulls and his court, I'd say, no, my partner isn't coming, full stop. Obviously, he knows she's always welcome or whatever. You don't need to say that. But what he's going to take from that is, cool, she's now coming. so it's the three of you are going right so that's fine it's fine he laugh reacted my message where I said I'm not bringing my partner but always welcome he laugh reacted that what the hell does that mean what is he on about I don't know man you guys just need to stop beating around the bush and just hook up huh oh g'day mate oh hi mate yeah look if you want the chance to win all our on air competitions and stuff and get amongst the live conversation tune in to the Hauraki Big Show Four to seven weekdays on Radio Hauraki and iHeartRadio.

8:42Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

8:48Keyzie:Isn't he back there on the Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening? The time is 6.37. And, fellas, something very curious is happening to Hoere Jay. And I'm slightly baffled by it. Now, I know it's hard to believe, but every now and then I battle with my weight. And when I say that, I tend to get very buzzy heavy. You do. And I run a heavy breast, Keezy. Very. A very heavy breast. But that, curiously, I mean, I'm running a pretty hairy breast at the moment. A hairy breast. I'm quite hairless, actually. I don't have a lot of hair on my chest. Just on your breast. Have you tried not wearing that corset?

9:30Keyzie:Just around my nipples, actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's common. I get a nest. Yeah, same. A cluster. Yeah. But anyway, so that's all G. But something's happening to me which has never happened to me before. What's that? And that is something's changing in my lower half. Now, I think it's pretty well known that old Hoody Jay doesn't have the most formidable pins. Oh, yeah. They're fine. Nothing wrong with them. skinny little bastards and white as, not much hair on those as well, to be honest.

10:05Mike Minogue:But they're white because you don't let them see the light of day.

10:07Keyzie:I know, I don't wear shorts. But a curious thing has happened in the last sort of, and this is serious, three weeks, where all of my jeans are suddenly too tight. Right. That has never happened to me before. And as a product of that, every day when I'm walking around the CBD, my fly is gaping. Yeah. It's because my jeans... Is that your excuse? Because you can't do it up. My jeans are so tight that my fly just keeps pulling open all the time. Don't give me that look, Rogie. I'm not trying to talk about the fact that I've got a massive downstairs.

10:46Mike Minogue:Or that you've started flashing at the CBD. That's more where I was going with it.

10:50Keyzie:And I'm constantly walking along at the moment. I've got the bloody zips down again. And it's just pulling apart because my jeans are so tight.

10:57Mike Minogue:I've got a –

10:58Keyzie:I'm confused because I'm thinking – now am I putting on weight in my lower half here? Am I putting on a winter pelt, as Pugsang called it, in my lower half? Or is it because I'm covering thousands and thousands of kilometres a day –

11:16Mike Minogue:Oh, kilometres.

11:18Keyzie:That actually my legs are building up, just forming a massive cluster of muscle. Sure. How do you think muscle's built out of interest, Chase? Just through, you know, exercise and power and hot pots and proteins.

11:36Mike Minogue:You only do two of those four things, which is exercise and hot pots.

11:40Keyzie:But I've never had that before because these shoes that I'm wearing now, right, when I first bought them, they were very comfortable. Now they are. My booty is popping. Your booty is popping, Jase. I'm carrying some kesey junk in the back there. You know what I'm saying?

11:54Mike Minogue:You're caked up at the moment and you've got a heavy breast and the nipple clusters. Have you thought, I don't know what the explanation is, have you thought about not wearing the skinniest jeans on the market?

12:06Keyzie:This is the thing. I've got skinny jeans. I haven't worn them for over a year because, you know.

12:11Mike Minogue:No, those you're wearing are skinny jeans.