FULL SHOW: A Relish Type-Scenario

5:07Hoytey J:Right. Okay, so you'd be breaking the law, Hoity J.

5:10Jase:Well, yeah, true. But, you know, if that were the case, you'd have done that, Jason, you've pretty much completely followed the law. You've handed him most of it. Most of it, yes. I think if you kept one, can they really say anything about it?

5:23Keyzie:Well, you could argue it dropped out and I didn't notice. Thank you. The question would then become, what do I do with it?

5:33Hoytey J:Well, that's the thing, right, because it's illegal.

5:35Keyzie:Yeah. And given my nature, I could see myself being a very bloated, sweaty, dribbling mess in a short space of time. For a long period of time. Well, probably for a long period of time. Yeah, right. And then slowly expire in excruciating fashion.

5:57Hoytey J:Yeah, what about you, Moggy? What would Moggy do?

6:03Jase:Well, I don't know, to be honest with you. Um, oh, because people, look, if that's, what was it, 150 kilos is coming. Somebody's using it. Yeah, so. That's a lot. There's a lot of people around that are using it. Yes. And my understanding, you were saying, Keezy, it's very expensive. I would have no idea. So what is that, like 70 bucks, 80 bucks a packet?

6:22Hoytey J:I don't know.

6:23Jase:80 bucks a packet. I wouldn't have any idea. I wouldn't. So, yeah, I don't know. I'd probably put it in little packets. Like really the small ones? Yeah, maybe, what, a kilo? Oh, I mean a... Like a gram. Oh, yeah. So you get a thousand of those. And just give it away to people. What, for free? Because I think people, they obviously like it. Surely you'd strike like a deal with them, though. Oh, I'd swap it. Would it be like a... I'd swap it for... It would be a Contra sort of a deal. Sure. I only got people that want. I'm not going to force it on anybody. So you'd have like a little stool or something, or you'd just...

6:55Jase:I'd probably have like a phone, but not my normal phone. It would be another phone that I've bought. Oh, because you're not your clients. It's already got a number on it, and it'll just text. and I would drop it off and we'd just swap. Sure. I'd swap the bag. What for? For free stuff? Yeah, what have you got? In fact, it's probably easier just for the sake of it, you just give me cash because then I can get whatever I want.

7:18Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's often the way to go, isn't it? Cash is easier.

7:23Jase:That's all good, isn't it? But as long as you've given back most of it. Because I'm giving it away. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're swapping. You're swapping.

7:28Hoytey J:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

7:29Jase:For cash. For cash. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

7:32Hoytey J:3483, by the way, New Zealand. Yeah, what would you do? What would you do with it?

7:34Keyzie:Genuinely, I want to know.

7:36Hoytey J:Yeah. Because I wouldn't. I'm not keeping it, you know what I mean? Wow.

7:43Jase:No, I'm not. Not all of it. No, no. Because it's illegal. Text here says that's only one snort each with each of our honkers.

7:52Hoytey J:What do you mean snort? I don't get it. I don't get it. The Hauraki Beat Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hodaki.

8:03Keyzie:Hello, Sailor there on the Radio Hodaki. Big show this Wednesday afternoon. 22 minutes past 4 o 'clock and we were talking about what would you do if you found a massive duffel bag of cocaine. Yeah, purely hypothetical.

8:15Hoytey J:Hypothetical. Yeah, and this is on the back of Massive Seizure yesterday at the port of Tauranga. Six duffel bags, 150 kg. So it's 25 kgs in one duffel bag. You're walking along, you find it. What are you going to do with it? I've actually thought about this a lot, fellas, while those songs were playing. I've decided I'm probably too naive and inexperienced to know what to do with it. So I think I'd probably, before I made any rash calls, because it can really change the path of your life, finding this thing, I'd probably seek out people who I value their opinions, older, wiser, and just see what they think.

8:49Hoytey J:So I'd probably come to you guys with it. Okay, yeah. And then we'd sort of hatch a plan of how we can best handle it.

8:55Jase:I'm really busy during the week. Do you reckon you could come over on a Saturday night?

8:59Hoytey J:Yeah, feel free, Saturdays, 100%. What time?

9:03Jase:Probably a bit earlier.

9:04Hoytey J:Like three?

9:05Jase:Yeah. In the Arvo?

9:06Hoytey J:Yeah.

9:06Jase:Yeah, like mid-late afternoon. Yeah, man. And we'll just have a chinwag about it and sort it out. I'll get some beers.

9:13Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

9:13Jase:We'll just have a chat about it. I'll bring some durries and stuff.

9:15Keyzie:And obviously, you know, we need to see if it's legit, so we'd have to smell it. What do you mean, smell it?

9:21Jase:Well, the thing about it is, Keezy, what's weird about this is we're making a hell of a lot of assumptions here. You've walked along, you've found a duffel bag, I'll give you that. That's easily identical. All you've found is 25 kilos of some white stuff. Yeah, you're right. So we don't know what it is. We don't want to leap to conclusions. You don't want to walk into the police station, you know, handing over 25 kilos of flour or sugar. You look like a goddamn idiot. Exactly. Or heroin or, you know, it could be, you know, you don't want to do that.

9:50Keyzie:And I think it does have a very distinct odour. Well, I wouldn't know. I think you know it when you smell it. Yeah, so you'd give it a good sniff and see.

9:56Hoytey J:Also, because I think in the bag too, it would have heaps of smaller bags. And so I don't know, like one might be, you know what I mean? Like in the big duffel bag, there'd be heaps of smaller bags of...

10:06Jase:I think there'd be six bags.

10:08Hoytey J:Oh, what makes you say that?

10:10Jase:Well, six bags. No, there'd be 25. 25, one kilo bags, is what I'm assuming.

10:16Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also like just because the... Or five bags of five kilos.

10:19Hoytey J:Yeah, sure. But like you don't want to be hand, like you don't know that all of them... Oh, yes. ...are the same thing. I see what you're saying. Oh, so open all of them? So we'd probably have to open all of them. Yeah, and smell them. Smell all of them, make sure the smell's good.

10:30Jase:Yeah.

10:31Hoytey J:Why beers, though?

10:32Jase:Well, it's Saturday, so why not? Yeah, yeah, make an afternoon of it.

10:37Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could bring some cold meats and stuff and make a bit of a platter.

10:42Jase:I'll tell you what, man. Honestly, I get a couple of beers of me and I'm not hungry, eh?

10:47Hoytey J:Oh, okay.

10:47Jase:Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just want to go for a bit of a... But if it does turn out that it is, then I think it gives you energy. Oh, really? Yeah. So we might have to go to a nightclub and somewhere and just get rid of that, just dance it out. Yeah, yeah. Actually, pugs would know where to go. He's easy to be. Pugs, heavy keen.

11:04Hoytey J:Because at the end of the day, I just want to make the right decision. And then the next day, once we've figured it all out, all our ducks are in a row, then we'd hand it in.

11:13Jase:Well, if we'd been out all night dancing, probably buggered on the Sunday there. Yeah, neither. And probably had a few beers. Yes. Probably need like a pick-me-up sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a bit of a pick-up scenario.

11:24Hoytey J:Yeah, so that's a tricky one, isn't it? That's why a good text on 3483. Yes. Someone here, great piece of advice, he'd probably see what it smells like first. Okay, yes. Because as you say, yeah. Someone here suggesting that they'd maybe cut a portion of it out, fill it up with other white stuff and then hand that in. Oh, yeah.

11:45Jase:Get it back up to the weight.

11:47Hoytey J:Yeah, then get it back up to the weight. I don't know what they'd do with their leftover bit. I mean, I have no idea, I guess. Throw it out or whatever. someone here suggesting that they'd tip a portion of it down their pants and then do the coast-to-coast in an hour.

11:59Keyzie:Oh. It doesn't say tip it down his pants. He says inserts it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't want to be too graphic, Jason. Well, I mean, it's what he's saying.

12:07Hoytey J:Yeah, okay. All right, well, this has been a good exercise, fellas.

12:11Keyzie:Actually, just on that, by the way, we don't have to sniff it. There's other ways of testing it. Is there? Well, just previously mentioned there, we could chuck it in each other and see what happens. Fellas. Fellas. The Hauraki Big Show. With Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Kesey. Def Leppard there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. But right now it's time for...

12:39Hoytey J:This is Breaking News. Sorry. Diddy doosh. It's time for This is Breaking News. Yeah. Okay. That's not good. I feel like this is another what's on the dinner situation. Yeah.

12:52Keyzie:Very exciting news, fellas. The big show on the road again. That's right. Live. It's been a while. I don't think we've done one all year. We went to Brizzy.

13:00Jase:No, that doesn't count. Hook a ticker. Well, we didn't do a live show, though. Is that what we're talking about here? Yeah, yeah, the live show. Yeah, I just thought on the road.

13:07Keyzie:We did one at Hook a Ticker. Oh, we did. You're right. But not with Hoity J. Not with me. I'm still gutted about missing that, genuinely. I would have enjoyed that, I think.

13:16Hoytey J:That trip ruled.

13:17Keyzie:Yeah, I know. Yeah. I know. Trip of a lifetime. Trip of a lifetime. Absolutely. It was so good. I was tempted to fly back from Vietnam just to be there.

13:25Hoytey J:They do a direct flight.

13:27Keyzie:Do they? Do they? Good stuff.

13:31Hoytey J:The exciting news is we are heading on the road down to the South Island once again to visit the lovely garden city that is Christchurch. So if you are in Christchurch next week, chuck this date in your calendar. 10th of July. It's a Thursday. 10th of July. 10th of July, Thursday. and that'll be happening in a beautiful little area known as Prebleton at a pub named The Bridge. Greg Prebbletown, named after Prebson.

13:57Jase:I think he was born there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:59Hoytey J:Wait, so he was born there, they named it after him.

14:02Jase:They named it after Prebson. Prebletown.

14:04Hoytey J:Yeah. It's going to be happening in Greg Prebbleton Thursday next week, the 10th of July. It is to celebrate this glorious month that is Beer and Pie July. So, of course, it is a fantastic Monteith's Bar, The Bridge. and also we're going to have plenty of West Coast pies there to be handed out as well and backbone teas.

14:21Jase:Backbone teas as well, yeah.

14:22Hoytey J:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

14:23Keyzie:Nice hot pie on a cold winter's night, fellas. Yep, cold beer. A few beersies watching the fellas do the show live. Good times.

14:31Hoytey J:Oh, man, now you're talking. Chuck a backbone tea on. Sure, why not? Actually, and if anyone out there is just in relation to that hypothetical situation we talked about earlier. Yes. And they've come across a bag of stuff and they don't know what to do with it. Easy.

14:50Keyzie:Easy, mate.

14:51Hoytey J:I'm just joking, Jase. And now you've made it seem like I'm... You are a shocker, though. Yeah, I'm not. No, that's not true.

14:57Keyzie:No, this is just... I mean, for the purpose of... That's... Oh, God. Oh, man, that's kind of freaked me out a bit. Parks, can you delete that?

15:08Jase:Can you delete my memory of that, man?

15:10Hoytey J:What do you mean delete it? We're on the radio.

15:12Jase:Yeah.

15:12Hoytey J:Well, I was joking, Jase. Everyone knows I was joking.

15:15Jase:Why are you winking? Why have you got your fingers crossed?

15:18Hoytey J:Well, I just always do that. It's a fidgety thing I do. And you know that my eyes are at you. Why do you keep scratching your nose all the time? So anyway, we'll see you there next Thursday. The Bridge, Prevleton, down in Christchurch, celebrating beer and pie geliders, the big show, live. How good, man. Can't wait, man. Oh, tune, Foo Fighters.

15:38Keyzie:Throbber. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast. Yes, indeed, the killers there on the radio. Hauraki, big show this Wednesday afternoon. Hope Wednesday's treating you well. The time is 4.47. Let's have some TV chat. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

15:59Yeah! Yeah!

16:12Jase:Yeah. Haven't been watching it a lot lately, to be honest with you, fellas, but last night I watched Saltburn. Tell you what, that's a good movie, man. I'd seen it before. It just sort of popped up. Yes, yes. And I thought, oh, I'm going to give that another go. That is a pretty freaky movie. Netflix? Some very strange scenes in it, for sure. Very odd scenes. And, yeah, it's got your mate there, Barry Keegan, I think his name is. Keegan, yes. And Jacob Allardy. Something along those lines. Jack Holby, I think it is. Oh, yeah, sure.

16:42Hoytey J:How about I Google it?

16:43Jase:A Lordy. A Lordy. A Lordy. Lordy. And it is a very, very, very good movie. It is. There's some things that I wouldn't have bothered with. I think, you know what I think it was? They treated the audience a bit too stupid on it. Right. I think that was a really bad mistake, but still really enjoyed it. Yes. We've certainly got some moments that sent it viral, old Hoidi J. Have you seen that before, man?

17:07Keyzie:Yeah, I have, actually. and I found it it's deeply erotic isn't it?

17:14Jase:Oh it is, in a sicko sort of way

17:15Keyzie:In a very sick kind of way Yes, which is the best way Depraved And great acting, some great acting

17:23Jase:He's a great actor that fella

17:25Keyzie:He's a freaky looking dude I think his life story is quite full on He was homeless and he's just magnificent

17:35Jase:in everything he appears in Just he and his brother from memory. I have a vague idea that perhaps his father or mother was a pastor from drug addiction, something along those lines. Very tough upbringing, but it's gotten from a very difficult part of the world and got into acting very young. Was fortunate enough to be saved, essentially, by acting.

17:56Keyzie:Yes, well, it's a perfect kind of breathing ground for creativity in a weird kind of way, isn't it? The arts, mate, the arts. Yes, yes.

18:02Hoytey J:What did you watch, Keezy? It's on Amazon, by the way. Fun video, couldn't remember. Now, look, I'm going to say what I watched, and I just want you guys to be sweet with it. I can't wait.

18:12Jase:Every time I'm just blown away by the calibre and the quality of the content that you watch, Keezy.

18:16Keyzie:And then I go home and, buddy, watch it. As soon as I get home, Keezy's watching this, and in we get.

18:21Hoytey J:Grand Designs New Zealand. Oh, yes. I was hoping you were going to say that. Good program, that. New season. Oh, yeah. Can I just say, this couple, they worked really hard, right? They saved up. They wanted to build their dream home on Waiheke, right?

18:33Jase:I hope they had all the money and everything went according to plan.

18:36Hoytey J:They had a budget of$3 million after buying the section.

18:39Jase:Yeah.

18:40Hoytey J:It then ballooned out to$5 million. It then took twice as long as they thought. It took years to get there. They finally built it. It looked like some sort of weird hotel with no family photos up. It didn't look homely at all. It was like this weird art piece rather than a cool homely spot. Instead of doing that, if you have worked really hard in life, just go and buy an existing house, move in straight away and enjoy it. Yeah. Honestly, it's the same storyline every episode. I agree. Just move into an existing home. Yeah. There's some great ones out there.

19:12Jase:But you want your dream home. I can understand that. What I can't understand is blowing out your budget like that.

19:17Hoytey J:It all happens over COVID. Yeah. And everything gets blown out straight away. Yeah. It turns out it was way harder than we thought. Blah, blah, blah. The architectural design was way more complex to build than they thought. And then - How can that be? They end up, every single one of them ends up resenting the home they just spent years. Great.

19:33Jase:All right. Well, I'm going to watch that. Yeah, same. Because I lived on Waiheke for about four years. Episode one. Fellas, got a bit of a... What's it on, mate?

19:38Keyzie:TBNZ Plus, man. Thank you. Got a bit of breaking news, actually, Keezy. Oh, dear. That's okay.

19:45Jase:This is breaking news.

19:47Keyzie:I thought it was... Now it's time for... Oh, yeah. Okay, go. Do it. Now it's time for...

19:56Hoytey J:This is breaking news. See, I still think that doesn't make sense.

19:59Keyzie:Speaking of great shows, I believe the new season of Dog Squad is out. Oh, God. Oh, man, is this a plug for your own show, is it?

20:07Hoytey J:Fellas? I actually love Dog Squad.

20:09Jase:Do you want to go and have a little look at this? What's that on, Jase? Bet you don't even know. TVNZ Plus? That was a guess. That was a guess. It's on Netflix, Jase. Yeah.

20:20Keyzie:It's a Netflix show. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. REM there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. Now, coming up, there's been some developments in the Hoity J household.

20:33Jase:Yeah, man.

20:34Keyzie:Also, an exciting new segment, Kasundi Wednesday. That's right. Will it be a one-off? It's a one-off. Yeah, yeah. It's a one-off special, so make sure you don't miss that.

20:46Hoytey J:And if you want to know what that is, Jace has made Kasundi, which is a relish. We're going to eat it. We're going to taste it and then probably bag it on the radio.

20:53Jase:Yeah. I'll be honest with you. Sounds good. Yeah, we'll get to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

21:05Keyzie:Yeah, welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope hump day's going along very nicely for you. You're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Reburger.

21:14Hoytey J:Crave-worthy street food, freshly made with Reburger.

21:17Keyzie:Reburger.

21:19Hoytey J:Sauce chicken. Reburger, b***h. Oh, sorry, hang on. Sauce chicken. There you go.

21:27Jase:People are going to wonder if that's what that means, but you're just going to have to go down to your local Reburger and find out.

21:32Hoytey J:Check it out, man. Well, I mean, we could just explain real quick.

21:36Jase:Be quick, though, because we've got a big show ahead of us here, man.

21:39Hoytey J:Oh, okay. At Reburger stores, every single one of them, they have chickens, real chickens that come out and serve you sauce.

21:45Keyzie:They have the sauce hanging around their necks.

21:47Hoytey J:On a necklace, a sauce necklace. Yeah, it's real. It's out the gate. Yeah, and if you go in there and they're not there, it's because they do every second day and you've just mistimed it. Yes.

21:55Jase:Well, oftentimes because they only have the one chicken. Because they don't have the labour laws around the chickens, Jase. So they just have one chicken works the whole day, 12 hours. But sometimes the chicken will be on the break. So if they're not in store, you go around the back, and they're often out the back just charging a couple of darts. Really? Have a few durries there. Can they roll darts? No, they tailor-made.

22:16Keyzie:They tailor-made, Kessie. Come on. Come on, man. Wake up. Because they're pretty well paid, actually. Oh, the chickens? Yeah, yeah. They can afford that sort of thing.

22:23Hoytey J:So they get paid cash.

22:25Keyzie:Well, they haven't got many expenses. This is the thing about a chicken.

22:28Jase:Outside of darts and a few beers, a couple of coffees and that, they've got no real outgoings.

22:35Keyzie:And every Reburger joint has a little roost for them. Yes. You know, at the back there. Yeah, so accommodation costs, zip, zero. What about when they need to lay eggs? Gross.

22:48Hoytey J:Jase, chickens laying eggs is a perfectly natural part of a chicken's life cycle. Lots of eggs are gross now, are they? It's the laying thereof. I don't want to know where they come from. The chicken's cloaca. Cloaca.

23:06Jase:Quacker.

23:08Hoytey J:Quacker. What I'm asking is, do they have nests for them where they can lay their eggs if they need to?

23:14Keyzie:These are non-laying birds. They're fully focused on food source chickens.

23:19Jase:They're wearing their jeans. Yeah, here's the chillies. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Kesey.

23:27Keyzie:You too there, bullet the blue sky. Fellas, the Hoiti J household has been turned upside down. You'll recall a little while ago I told you that my wife, unbeknownst to me, had agreed to babysit a dog for two weeks. Dog sit. Dog sit. Yeah, yeah. Did she tell me about it, fellas? Yes, but you forgot. Maybe. and said dog arrived last night. Said dog? What kind of dog is that? It's kind of like, it's a hunting dog. Have you never heard of a said dog? No. She's a very, very old Labrador. Oh, God. And we discovered, much to our horror, very quickly, pretty much incontinent.

24:11Hoytey J:That's where you do wheeze? Yes. Okay.

24:15Jase:Uncontrollably. Yeah, involuntarily.

24:17Hoytey J:At what point did you say immediately? So can you give us a time frame?

24:21Keyzie:Within 10 minutes, she'd done wheeze on the carpet. Was the owner there? They were. Here's the interesting thing, Mogi. Great.

24:30Jase:Now we're going to find out what kind of scumbags these mates of yours are. I look forward to it. Here we go. They were just leaving and one of them said,

24:41Keyzie:was that wet patch on your carpet before? And I said, no. And the other partner said, why are you telling them that, you idiot? Really? And then they left.

24:57Jase:Are you joking? Are you joking? No. They didn't clean up their dog's piss. Is that true? It's true. I would take that dog out the back.

25:09Keyzie:That is shocking.

25:12Jase:My wife will be this. She'll be furious. This is not the point of the story, but that is shocking. We've got to revisit that tomorrow.

25:18Hoytey J:I like also the, is that wet patch, was that already there? Like you have a wet patch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just keep that. Why is my wet patch?

25:27Keyzie:Actually, right next to my golf bag. Oh, really? Wheeze on my golf bag. But anyway, to get to the story, we took her out three or four times in a space of an hour and a half, and she did wheeze every time. And so we've got an incontinent old dog. Now, Jizz.

25:43Hoytey J:Oh, your cat. Hang on. Sorry. Hang on. hoity jizz sorry wrong way hang on

25:49Keyzie:jizz jizz jizz your cat my cat well my daughter's cat actually hates her and immediately goes and won't come out of my daughter's room now and I said now how's jizz going to deal with this because she's only just kind of moved in with us and I'll be fine not so

26:11Jase:so they're arguing like cats and dogs that can happen Keezy What's the dog's name? Spencer. Spencer. Yeah, I think so. Spends a lot of time pissing on your carpet.

26:23Hoytey J:I was going to say, I was going to say, Weez Dispenser.

26:31Keyzie:That's good stuff, Alex. That's very good, Casey.

26:34Hoytey J:He's got a tune. Can we come back?

26:36Jase:Yeah, sure we can, man. Okay, man. We'll be here till see you. I'm a few minutes, eh? The Hauraki Big Show. With Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Kesey.

26:45Keyzie:David Bowie there on the Radio Haudaki Big Show this Wednesday. Evening, the time is 5.25 and as previously mentioned, we're dogs sitting in the Hoity J household for two weeks. Very old and incontinent Labrador. Yeah, did wheeze straight away. Who did wheeze on the carpet straight away. And who my cat jizz hates. Yeah.

27:07Hoytey J:Not good. Just on the cat jizz, just quickly, if people are wondering, We did a poll and New Zealand named Jase's new cat. Yeah. And its name is now Jase. Just in case anyone's wondering how that came about.

27:19Jase:Now, the weird thing about that is it used to be funny to us, but now it's just... It's just your cat. Yeah, it's just... I've just realised, actually,

27:25Keyzie:my wife doesn't know that that's what the cat's called, so...

27:28Hoytey J:What does she call it? She's listening...

27:31Keyzie:Like puss, puss, hair, puss, puss.

27:33Hoytey J:Yeah, meow, meow.

27:34Keyzie:What? She'll be listening right now, I know, and be just horrified. And so she should be. You're a shocking bastard. It was the people, Mogi. It was the people.

27:45Hoytey J:It was the people. We ran a vote and that's what came out. It was about 90 % too, I think.

27:49Keyzie:It was high.

27:50Hoytey J:This dog did wheeze straight away. Yes. And then as the people whose dog it was were leaving. And they are friends of yours? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Said, oh, was that wet patch always there?

28:02Keyzie:They literally did, yeah. Right next to my golf bag.

28:05Hoytey J:Yeah, yeah, yeah. and then you said no I don't have a wet patch

28:09Jase:and then the other person said why are you pointing it out you god damn idiot because there's a chance it would have to clean it up and then they just left anyway and didn't clean it up and this speaks to the quality of human that you're dealing with and man I just I can't wrap my head around that

28:28Hoytey J:Is there any part Mogey that sees it as funny?

28:31Jase:Oh I can see how they might think I can see how you would fake it oh, well, see you later. And then start stomping up the hallway. I would never in a million years. That is so embarrassing.

28:42Keyzie:Well, you were saying off-air, Kesey, that you would probably do that. Genuinely, you were saying that off-air.

28:48Hoytey J:This is the issue you've got, is we've seen that so many times. Yes, I was saying off-air. Right. So, for example, if I was, and for this scenario, I used my sister's brother, so my brother-in-law, and if they were back, they were dog-sitting for us, and just as we were leaving, our dog did wheeze. Like, quick, quick, quick,

29:03Keyzie:let's go, let's go, let's leave. Yeah, we're going to have a hairspray. Yeah, sorry, sorry.

29:06Jase:Yeah, you're right.

29:07Hoytey J:That is pretty funny.

29:08Keyzie:And to be fair, they were travelling overseas and so they were in a bit of a rush.

29:12Hoytey J:But we have a very jokey relationship. Yeah, no, you're right.

29:15Jase:That would work.

29:16Hoytey J:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's say Mogi was looking after Hoity J's dog. That'd be weird. Poor old Roo. No, so let's say, okay, Jase has got a...

29:26Jase:Can you swap it out for an alive dog?

29:28Hoytey J:Oh, okay. So Mogi's looking after a new dog that Hoity J's got, okay? Yeah. The dog just happens to be really old and also incontinent. Drops it off and then it does wheeze just as Hoity J's leaving. And then Jase goes, oh, did you always have that wet patch? Yeah. And then his partner goes, don't tell them.

29:47Jase:Yeah.

29:47Hoytey J:And then leaves. I think that's funny.

29:48Jase:Well, I'll tell you what I do. You know, they say if you want to teach a dog not to urinate in it somewhere, then you rub the dog's face in it. I'd rub Jase's face in it. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast.

30:01Keyzie:Pearl Jam. there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time is 5.37.

30:09Hoytey J:Montice, born of the wild. Certainly is, old Montice. It's Beer and Pie July, an exciting month where for the entire month we encourage you to partake in a Kiwi tradition, which is pairing a delicious pie with a delicious beer and indulging. This year we're excited to be partnered with Montice and the West Coast Pie Company and up for grabs is the ultimate West Coast weekend valued at$5 ,000. Basically, we give you$5 ,000 cash. You tell us what you'd like to do on the West Coast.

30:38Jase:Man.

30:39Hoytey J:It's pretty huge. You could go heli hunting or heli fishing. Amazing. You could go skydiving.

30:42Jase:The dollar goes much further down there as well. Yeah, I've heard.

30:45Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, yeah. It goes all the way down there. You can make your own knife and stuff too, can't you, Kesey?

30:49Hoytey J:You can craft your own hand-forged knife. How good. You can go for a hike or a bike trail, go to a wellness retreat. Whatever you decide to do, you will wrap the day up at the Monteith Brewery. We'll rip into the tastiest pies from the West Coast Pie Company as well. If you want to enter that, text WILD to 3483. Get yourself in the draw, and that's all thanks to the backbones at Monteith's. Born of the wild. Monteith's.

31:14Jase:Born of the wild. That's good stuff as well. Now, rumour has it I've been talking to the backbones down there at the West Coast Pie Company. And they are backbones. Hell of a pie they do down there. Now, they're saying, this is what they're saying. I don't know if we're going to be able to do it. But the winner is going to go to, what's the name of that pub there? The Montice?

31:31Hoytey J:That's down at the Montice Brewery, the actual brewery itself. That's right.

31:34Jase:So they do the Spiced Wild Nanny Goat Pie. That's our pie of the week this week. Unbelievable. Absolutely delicious. You are going to be able to meet the nanny goat, which is going to be going into your pie for dinner. So it really makes a connection between you and your food.

31:54Keyzie:Thank you.

31:55Jase:No, no. Because I think all too often people don't make that connection between an actual living animal and the thing that you put in your mouth, right? Correct. The food, the kai. Yes, that's right. And so I would just say what a great opportunity to see something, look at it in its devil eye because they've got those devil eyes keys in.

32:10Keyzie:They've got the big bulges, goats, don't they? Yeah.

32:13Jase:Big bulges. Freaky looking bastards and their neck, it's in your pie, man. So it's a great experience all around. I don't know.

32:20Hoytey J:You don't have to. That's not mandatory, that part.

32:23Jase:Well, I don't know why you'd turn it down. What? That's good stuff. It's all part of the experience, Gizzy.

32:28Hoytey J:No, I know, but I haven't been told anything about it.

32:30Keyzie:I mean, the people on the West Coast, they don't even blink an eye at that sort of stuff, mate. They don't blink? No. They don't blink.

32:35Jase:They just stare at you. What? They just absolutely gaze at you. Oh, yeah. A lot of them, Jason, you know this, they've got gorgolitis.

32:46Hoytey J:So people on the West Coast don't blink ever. What if stuff's in their eyes?

32:50Jase:Because they've got gorgolitis. Oh, wow. Yeah. Is that curable? I don't know. Yeah.

32:57Keyzie:I don't know. It probably is, but they don't tend to get it cured. They just shut up and get on with it. You know what I mean? Absolutely, man.

33:04Hoytey J:Tell you what, if you want to go down and see these people with gorgolitis and eyeball a nanny goat, text WILD to 3483. Get yourself in the draw for that competition, and you'll get$5 ,000 to have one hell of a time down there as well.

33:16Keyzie:Great stuff for me. Great stuff. Really good. Here's the Rolling Stones. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue, and Kesey. Ben Harper there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening coming up after 6 o 'clock. It is Kasundi Wednesday. First and only time we'll be doing that. Also are the results of who has the stupidest top on from our little survey today.

33:42Jase:Yeah, it's on the Instagram. That's right. It's on the big pole there. Keezy's wearing what Jase calls his prison jacket. And Jase, you're wearing what Keezy calls a yellow shocker.

33:52Hoytey J:A yellow skivvy. A yellow skivvy. Yeah, so you can vote on the Hodaki Big Show's Instagram story. We'll reveal the results. By the way, Big Kasundi Wednesday is the fact that Jase made some Kasundi, which is like a relish. Indian relish, yes. It doesn't matter where it comes from.

34:07Keyzie:They call it the Indian wasabi.

34:09Hoytey J:Oh, they do? Okay. He's made some, and we're going to taste it on the radio.

34:14Keyzie:Well, just because you said I never bring anything in for you to taste, Keezy, I did it especially for you.

34:19Hoytey J:Well done. You brought in a small container with about a teaspoon of stuff in it. You're so generous.

34:26The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

34:32Keyzie:That's true, New Zealand. Don't fight it. You're listening to The Big Show brought to you by Reburger.

34:36Hoytey J:Crave-worthy street foods freshly made with old Reburger. Reburger.

34:44Keyzie:Chips. Great stuff, fellas. Those just get better and better, I think. The fellas at Reburger must be just fizzing about their sponsorship. They are. Yeah.

34:53Hoytey J:It's actually women. Huh? Because you said fellas, the fellas at Rebergo.

34:58Jase:The guys that came in here that we met, they were men. They were men, yeah. Were they? Not that there's anything wrong with that.

35:03Hoytey J:What, being a man? Yeah. Could have sworn, were they men? Yes. Far out. Beautiful. Couple of beautiful dudes. Yeah. Okay. No, don't. What? What? Don't, imagine. Imagine you were spinning some sort of stupid yarn and then I said, okay.

35:25Keyzie:but just that I was surprised that you mistook the men we met for women. No, no, and that you thought that they were beautiful. And they were beautiful.

35:33Jase:I would say that as women, they'd be pretty average. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

35:39Hoytey J:But also it's like...

35:40Jase:But you're saying that they were beautiful. But I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Absolutely. 100%.

35:45Hoytey J:Like, for example, Jase thinks that his yellow skivvy is beautiful.

35:49Keyzie:Oh, I wouldn't say it's comfy. Yeah.

35:52Hoytey J:Oh, it's got that comfy vibe about it. Yeah, it's very much like what it does over how it looks situation.

35:58Keyzie:Very much so, which I think we're about to find out. Yes. But I'll cop it, as will my wife who bought it for me for golf. Sorry, what?

36:07Hoytey J:Did she buy it for you? Yes. Oh, okay. Well, now I feel bad.

36:10Keyzie:Well, I said that to you. Every time you criticize my clothes, Keezy, you're criticizing my wife.

36:17Hoytey J:Yeah. Yeah.

36:18Keyzie:And actually, she's just texting through. I actually love your wife a lot, yeah.

36:21Hoytey J:She's fuming. Yeah, but that's not about that though, is it? Totally it is. Up next, Kasundi Wednesday. We're going to taste Jase's Kasundi. Here's Tom Petty. On the radio. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast.

36:34Keyzie:Alison Chains there on the radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. But right now it's time for... It's Kasundi Wednesday.

36:50Hoytey J:That's a great sting, Pugs. Thank you. Kasundi Wednesday. Very good. You did a couple of options with the voice there, Jason.

36:56Jase:Yeah, I did. I'm disappointed that that was the one he went with.

36:58Keyzie:So, now, you were saying, Mogi, that you don't know what a kusundi is.

37:03Jase:Well, I do know that it's a sauce that's provided in an Indian restaurant, but I'll be honest with you, I wouldn't know it well enough now, eating yours, to know whether it was a good version or a bad version because I'm not familiar. Like, if you say the word to me, Marmite, I know what that's meant to taste like. Other things that people know. Peanut butter, sure. But Kasundi, I don't know. So if you can explain what it is, where it's used on a dish. Just sort of the origin. Give it to me.

37:31Keyzie:Well, it's based in Bengali and India, of course. And what it is, in essence, is an Indian relish.

37:37Jase:Right.

37:38Keyzie:So you can put it as a side for your meats. You can use it as a relish for your cheeses, your crackers and that sort of thing. Your crackers. So as you would any other relish, you use it as a kind of relish-type scenario.

37:53Hoytey J:So you use it like any other relish, like a relish-type scenario.

37:56Jase:So what you're saying is it's an Indian relish. Yes. And you use it as a relish. Yes. Where a relish might be used.

38:04Keyzie:Sorry, a relish-type scenario. They often refer to it as the Indian wasabi. Who does? The Indian people. Right, okay.

38:14Jase:I bet they're always saying that.

38:15Keyzie:Having said that, it's...

38:16Jase:You know what this reminds me of? This is like an Indian wasabi. Everyone else is like, what's wasabi?

38:22Keyzie:It doesn't have the same kick as your wasabi.

38:25Hoytey J:Right, okay.

38:25Keyzie:Can I also say that there's variations of Cassundi. You can get your eggplant, your tomato. There's a whole range that you can have. Can I ask, Jase, how often does a relish-type scenario sort of occur? In my case, all the time. Right, okay, yeah. Just quickly... As you know, if you're having a pork chop or something, just a little dollop on the side of your plate there, Pugs aren't Or if they're sticky beef even For example You know what I mean? I wouldn't do that

38:50Jase:That's mixing up your subcontinents

38:52Hoytey J:If we could just move this thing along there Fellas We've each got a teaspoon With an orange chutney looking thing With lots of weird black dots in it That's mustard seeds Is it? Yeah Am I right in saying that You were saying this is the best relish in the world Or the best Kassundi in the world? It is the best Kassundi in the world Hoity J Best in the world A number one Alright let's taste it fellas Here we go Homemade Kassundi relish As made by Hoity J

39:13Keyzie:That's quite a large amount. Listen, I'm all in on nothing, brother.

39:22Keyzie:Yeah. I'm just watching the fellas and gauging their faces as they're consuming it. Hard to gauge, actually.

39:30Jase:Can I just say? No, you can't.

39:32Keyzie:I think Mogi's going to go first.

39:35Jase:I don't know what it's meant to taste like, but that's absolutely delicious. I love it. Great. It's hot. It's got the tin, not too much. Yes. What gives it that heat?

39:44Keyzie:It's kind of mustardy kind of taste, but there's also fresh chilli in there. Right. Great choice.

39:50Jase:No, it is really good, and I like the crack of a mustard seed in there. Yes. Thank you. Yes. Well, there you go. I'm not educated on what Kasundi should seem like at all, but in my personal opinion on this particular relish type scenario that you've put forward to us today, I think it's delicious. Okay, good. It's got a great tang. I think it could use a little more. I like a little more spice, but that's just me personally. Sure. I also think it's got almost a little bit, it could be thicker. I think it could be thicker. Okay. How would you thicken it, though? Stir it faster.

40:24Keyzie:I'm not a relish expert. Possibly boil it longer, Moggy.

40:27Hoytey J:Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Reduce it, man. Look, I've never had Cassundi either. To be honest, a bit dry. A bit dry.

40:39Keyzie:So Pugs aren't saying it's... It could be thicker, and you're saying it's a bit too dry.

40:44Hoytey J:Yeah, but, you know, I like it where he likes them thick, so. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Kesey.

40:54Keyzie:Wage Against the Machine there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday night. Now, listen up. If you've got an opinion about Radio Hauraki, whether it be the music, whether it be the presenters, we want to hear from you, don't we, fellas?

41:07Hoytey J:Certainly do, man. Super important thing that we run here at Hauraki, It's called The Music Jury. You text the word music to 3483. We hit you back with a link. You sign up there and you sit down. It'll take about 10 minutes. You sit down. Yeah, about that. Yeah. Every minute you spend filling it out, it's got these little chapters in it, and every minute you spend filling it out, basically there's another entry in the drawer that we're running. So if you do the whole thing, you get more entries in the drawer. Yeah. And you sit down, you have a glass of wine or a beer or something and listen to tunes.

41:37Hoytey J:Tell us how much you like them. If anything pops up you don't like, you go, no, I dislike that. And that will genuinely help us tweak the playlist here at Hoda. Yeah. Because we're trying to figure it out, you know.

41:47Keyzie:Yeah, well, totally, man. And the great thing about it, if you do make the effort to do that, you go into the draw for an extraordinary, extraordinary prize.

41:56Jase:That's right. The prize that you get is a beer fridge, a bar fridge. A bar fridge. There's a little bar fridge there. Yes. Inside it is a shelf. Yeah, probably two. How good is that, man? on the shelf is nothing. On the other shelf,$4 ,000. Cash?

42:18Hoytey J:Cash. Of the cold hard variety. That is so good, man. It's a bloody good prize. It is a really good prize.

42:24Jase:Now, can I say that we wouldn't be giving this prize away if we didn't want you to actually give us the information and the feedback on the playlist. That's right. That's a pretty big bit of bait to catch some fishies on, isn't it? 100%. So I really want that info.

42:38Hoytey J:How about this? and you can do it on your phone too, right? So let's say you are listening to this podcast right now because you're chilling, waiting for something. Right now, text music 3483, fill it out, listen to the tunes, throw your headphones, whatever it might be. Honestly, it'll take you five minutes because we need to figure out what music we should play. We're always trying to talk. Yeah.

42:57Jase:Is it five minutes though or is it 10 minutes?

42:59Hoytey J:Probably like five, I reckon. I reckon I could blast it out in five minutes. Okay.

43:03Jase:I've heard that.

43:06Hoytey J:Who told you that?

43:09Jase:Pugs?

43:10Hoytey J:Pugs. Text music 3483. Get yourself in the drawer by filling out the music jury. $4 ,000 cash in a fridge. Could be yours, man. Man, good times. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Kesey.

43:29Keyzie:Led Zeppelin there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday night. night. Now, at the start of the show, I was commenting on how much I liked Keezy's jacket. Oh, were you? And saying that it reminded me of the sort of American prison kind of outfits that they used to wear on the chain gang.

43:48Hoytey J:Yeah.

43:48Keyzie:You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. I think it's fantastic. And he was commenting on how much he loved my yellow, what did you call it, like a skivvy?

43:56Hoytey J:It's a yellow skivvy that his wife's bought him.

43:58Jase:The only thing, actually, there is that it's clearly green. And I say that as somebody who's colourblind.

44:02Hoytey J:Yes. No, no, It's clearly green, right? It's green, sure. But it is very close to yellow. In fact, I've never seen anyone wear that colour before.

44:10Jase:I think it's an olive. I would go khaki. No, yours is olive. I would go khaki. Mine's got something else in it. Anyway, regardless. But anyway, yeah, regardless.

44:21Hoytey J:If you want to see it, Hauraki Big Show's Instagram story where you can vote.

44:26Keyzie:Can I just say, Keezy, I think we both look great.

44:29Jase:Can I also say that I think we've buggered it up because by making this a story rather than a post, we've eliminated the opportunity for a whole bunch of comments. And that's what we need to be having with these sorts of things. So you get an opportunity for people, our audience, people that love the show, to just post some compliments.

44:47Keyzie:Yeah, and having said that, I was looking at myself on the toilet just before in this top, and it's some serious buzzy action going on. Oh, you've got a great set, man. You've got to show them off. If I could be so bold. Maybe you just pull the zip down a little bit for you fellas.

44:59Hoytey J:Oh, Jesus, look at that. See, I'm sick of, and this is like,

45:02Jase:Mogi, your algorithm on Instagram is full of, you know.

45:05Hoytey J:Hoardy J.

45:07Jase:Monkeys, Hoardy J. Yeah.

45:10Hoytey J:Anyway, so the vote is up there. The poll is up there, sorry, and you can vote. People have been voting for the last few hours. The question is, who is running the stupidest top? Courtesy of Mogi.

45:21Keyzie:This is tricky. Yeah, it's going to be hard.

45:23Jase:What's your gut telling you, Mogi? Well, my gut tells me that they've gone against you, Keezy, because they generally do. Yeah. but it's tricky. I'm going to go 50-50. Wow.

45:36Keyzie:I'm going to say 70-30 that I've got the stupidest top. No, you're wrong. Oh, okay.

45:42Hoytey J:Who's running the stupidest top? 48 % of the vote. Ooh, is that true?

45:48Jase:I haven't even looked at it.

45:49Hoytey J:52 % Hoity J. Wow. So very close, but it is official you're running the stupidest top, which is great.

45:56Jase:That's a binding referendum. It is.

45:58Keyzie:I think it is. So I'll cop that.

46:01Jase:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

46:01Keyzie:As I say, it's one of those tops that I wear for comfort and warmth more than anything, not for fashion.

46:06Jase:Yeah, right. I mean, I would keep it around the house. Yeah. Have you given up or what's the deal?

46:11Keyzie:I'll wear something really smart tomorrow, all right, fellas? Really? Nah. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Kesey.

46:30Keyzie:Jeez, I tell you what, fellas, this show has had it all. We've had tastings. Yeah. We've had fashion sort of stuff going on. We've had drugs. Drugs. Yes. What would you do in this scenario? Yes.

46:43Hoytey J:Can I just say, if you've missed out on that stuff and that sounds like a bit of you, listen to the podcast. It comes out at 7.30.

46:49Jase:Can I also say, not only have we had all of that, we've also got the podcast outro that we do every single day. Yes. And every single day we play a little clip of it here. just as a little tease to get people interested that might otherwise not listen to podcasts. Generally, what you end up hearing is a terrible example of what the podcast is about, and we'll put you off podcast, but I guess we'll see. What have we got tonight, Keezy?

47:12Hoytey J:This one is about Jase and his poor person mentality. You've still got a poor dude mentality, even though you are loaded.

47:20Keyzie:I do. You do, though. I'm so loaded. I do. I think I always will have.

47:28Hoytey J:Do you think it's changed a little bit? Yes. Good. Yeah. Because you deserve it, man. You deserve the world, man. You work hard, man. Yeah.

47:35Jase:If you were my man, I would give you the world. Would you, Mogi? Yeah, I would.

47:40Hoytey J:That's lovely, isn't it?

47:42Keyzie:That's lovely, man. I appreciate that.

47:43Hoytey J:Did you mean that, Mogi?

47:44Keyzie:Oh, 100%. 100%. Now, listen, make sure you do check out the podcast. Also, check out the Instagram, by the way.

47:51Hoytey J:Yeah, man. They're both really great. Hodaki Big Show. That's what you search to find both. Also, quick announcement. We spoke about it earlier in the show, but the big show is going live. We're going on the road once again to see the people of Christchurch. So if you're listening to this and you're in the Canterbury region, Thursday the 10th of July, that is next Thursday, we're going to be live from Prebleton at The Bridge. Prebleton, lovely little suburb there. Got a lot of family there. And The Bridge is a great pub that's recently been revamped and is looking great and has ice-cold Monteiths on tap.

48:20Hoytey J:Oh, bring it on.

48:21Keyzie:Hey, thanks for listening to the show. See you tomorrow. Bye. you