FULL SHOW: Awards Night, With The Fellas

10:32Mike Minogue:Right, okay, so it's... The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. The sons of Hauraki.

10:43Keyzie:Gotta live this life.

10:45Mike Minogue:Let's see who wants to ride with the street dogs.

10:48Keyzie:Yeah, bloody exciting stuff actually, fellas. Of course, that's going to be drawn tomorrow morning on the Breakfast Show. we give away our second electric brand new motorbike.

10:57Mike Minogue:Yeah, Street Dog 50 or a Street Dog XR, depending on if you've got your motorbike licence or your full licence. 100 % made and built and run here in New Zealand, FTN Motion. Bloody cool-looking bikes. They look like classic cafe racers, fellas.

11:10Keyzie:They're sick, man. Can I put it to you that way? They're sick. Well, you were saying on the show yesterday, Moggy, you were seriously considering getting one. I really am. I was keen as soon as they came through, and now I just sort of think it's one of those things where I'm trying to find a way for it to not make sense. Yeah. It just makes sense.

11:27Mike Minogue:Yeah, I hear you. You know what I mean? So I'm just going to have to do it and then explain myself to the missus later, I think. Why don't you put yourself, why don't you listen out for the cue to call and get in the draw for this one we're giving away tomorrow. Okay. Okay. I don't think anyone would have a problem with that. All right. Sounds like a plan, man.

11:42Keyzie:Hey, let's go to the phone lines. G'day, Dan, you mad bastard. How's life?

11:46Mike Minogue:G'day, mate. Good, thanks.

11:48Keyzie:Good on you, Dan. What do you do for a crust, mate?

11:51Mike Minogue:I work in the finance industry. Oh, back bang. You're in a bank, are you? I am. You're a shocking bastard, mate. Shocking bastard. I could sense that. You're flitting around the edges of what he did. Well, actually, Dan, that could be an issue because we're actually plotting a bank robbery with our gang. Maybe you could be our inside man. Would you help us? Possibly. Yeah. All right. I love it because I know people that work for banks and any joking about robbing banks is really frowned upon. Oh, yeah, it's not Dan, though.

12:24Keyzie:He's been playing it for ages. Dan knows all the ins and outs. Don't you worry about that. Which particular bank and branch do you work for, Dan?

12:31Mike Minogue:Oh, no, I'm in the ivory tower, mate. Yeah, good on you, mate. Yeah, good stuff. All right, Dan, you hold the line or I will put you on to Pugs. You're in the draw. Thanks very much. Good on you, mate.

12:42Keyzie:G'day, Damo, you mad bastard. How's life? Oh, great. Howdy, Joe. Yourself? Yeah, good. Thanks, mate. Good. What do you do for a crust, Damo?

12:49Mike Minogue:I'm a national care account member of a building supplies company. Oh, you're a backbone company.

12:55Keyzie:Tell me, Damo, have you ever owned a motorbike?

12:58Mike Minogue:I've owned plenty of farm bikes and dirt bikes. Never a road bike. Have you ever had the joy of riding bitch? Oh, that would be telling. Yeah, true. Hey, Damo, did you say you're an account manager? Do you reckon you could help our gang when it comes to selling all our illegal drugs, man? Yeah, definitely. Oh, great at selling. I'll sell anything. Yeah, sounds good, actually. That's what we need in the gang. All right, you're in the draw too, Damo. You hold the line, all right? Good luck. Thanks, guys. Good on you, mate. All right, mate. Tomorrow morning, eh? Tomorrow morning, someone wins one of those awesome FTN Motion Street Dog electric motorbikes.

13:35Mike Minogue:Seriously, I implore you, go online, have a look, and customize your own one. It's pretty bloody cool what they can do for you. Oh, man. Speaking of cool, REM. Yeah, okay. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

13:52Keyzie:REM there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday evening, but right now it's time for... What's on the telly with Mike Minogue.

14:06Mike Minogue:Yes! Fellas, as discussed, I spent a fair amount of time over the weekend, the long weekend, King's birthday. Watching a bunch of sports doco mentor-aise on Netflix there. It's the Untold series. I just ended up searching Untold and then sort of powering through a whole heap of them. This one was the story of Johnny Football. Johnny Manziel. Yeah, very good. Very good. Because he was touted for greatness. He was. He was touted for greatness. So this is a young quarterback, Kwiddie J, over there in the US of A. Yes. And he's a pretty special player. He went to a sort of a highly disciplined sort of, in New Zealand we would call it a college.

14:48Over there it was a high school. Then out the back of that he went into a university and took his team on his shoulders to glory really. They didn't win titles but he won the Heisman Trophy which is, he was the only player ever to win that as a freshman. Which is the best player in the whole division, in the whole competition. and it's pretty interesting stuff because he starts feeling pretty entitled pretty quick and so he should because in those days, and I feel like it might have changed in the last year or two, college players aren't allowed to earn any money. Now this particular university made something in the vicinity of, I think I'm right here, of$750 million off the back of him selling his jersey, his jersey number.

15:37Wow. The donations that went to the college as a result of how well they did, all this sort of stuff. The players don't get one cent of it. Wow. They're playing in front of 100 ,000 people every single week. It's an absolute... Millions watching. It's modern slavery. It's a disgrace. It's disgusting. So he decides, well, he doesn't like that. So he goes out and starts doing signing sessions. And before you know it, he's flying in private jets. He's getting himself in all sorts of trouble because he's making all this money. And then they just came up, him and his best mate, with a story that he was never signing anything, anything that was there because they came up with a fake signature.

16:17So when people sit here, go, oh, that's not my signature. And he said the reason why he had all this money was because his family were rich. They come from an oil, which was a complete lie. Right. So he got let off. Right. Just got completely let off. Then he went into the big league, went into the NFL, lost it. Drugs, alcohol, complete disgrace. All the way through his high school he was doing that. Through uni, he was doing that as well. He wasn't turning up to trainings or anything like that. And he completely blew out within about a year and a half. And, yeah, got worse and worse. And now I think he's 34-odd and is just getting himself back on the rails now.

16:49Johnny Football. Johnny Football. Really entertaining. It's a pity he had to ruin his life to entertain me for about sort of 70-odd minutes. But well worth it. How many buzzies? Why does it go three and a half? Three and a half. It's really interesting. It's good stuff.

17:02Keyzie:Didn't they used to call you Johnny Radio, Jase? Oh, they still do, Keezy. It's interesting. There's quite a few sort of quarterback sort of stories, you know, gone wrong kind of thing. Because they're the superstars generally of any team, aren't they? A lot of pressure. Yeah, for example. Who else? Oh, I can't remember. There's another documentary I watched and he was the same, carried the side all on his shoulders. OJ Simpson. OJ Simpson, of course. Well, he was a wide receiver. He wasn't a quarterback. Yeah, he wasn't a quarterback. That's a really weird thing to say. He's a completely different position.

17:32Keyzie:But, yeah, sportsmen getting themselves into all sorts of grief. Well, you get all of the money, all of the attention, mate. Yes. Oh, my God. Not good, fellas. It's a pretty crazy life. We've actually run out of time. Oh. What did you watch? I watched this very sexy show called Off Campus.

17:51Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

17:55Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Welcome back, you massive backbones. You're listening to The Big Show.

17:59Mike Minogue:Yeah, it's Thursday afternoon, fellas, and I just want you to mark down on your calendar the 21st and 22nd of August. August? That's a few months away, but trust me, you're going to want to mark it down because it's Bear Varner. It's returning. Over 50 of the best breweries from New Zealand and Aussie and beyond coming down to Wellington there. All happening at Henry Stadium, Wellington. Bearvana.co.nz if you are keen for tickets. Just letting you know The Big Show will be down there and will be involved.

18:24Keyzie:Yeah, I'm stoked about that, actually. I believe we're going to be doing a live show from one of the bars down there. Yes. And I'll tell you what Wellington does very, very well is bars and cafes. 100%. They do do.

18:35Mike Minogue:Booty Janus. Hey, what's coming up after five?

18:37Keyzie:Well, listen, we've got to make a few phone calls. Yeah. Just talk to a few of the other participants in tonight's radio awards. Yeah. Also, I just want to finalise what we're doing with the speeches. You know, who's saying what, when we win. You know what I mean? Yes. And what we're thinking of saying. Yeah. Yeah, I think we should because I think a problem that people have is once you get up on the mic, especially with the three of us being available to talk, Pugs will be up there too, but he obviously isn't allowed to talk because talent. Yeah, totally. You don't want to be talking, you don't want one person going on forever and then the other person then going and wanting to talk about the same thing over and over.

19:15Yeah, I don't know.

19:16Keyzie:There is nothing more tedious than people just banging on and not wanting something.

19:20Mike Minogue:By the way, we've got to wrap this up. We're meant to be going to the old five o 'clock news, man.

19:23Keyzie:Oh, okay.

19:26Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

19:32Keyzie:Yeah, welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Thursday's absolutely going off. You're listening to The Big Show, incidentally, brought to you by Reber Gear.

19:43Mike Minogue:Craveworthy street food, freshly made with... Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

19:48Keyzie:It was yum last night. Oh, bugger, and I forgot to take a photo. Oh, damn. We were so engrossed in the food that it was like, oh, and I got home and went, damn it. Damn it. I forgot. Because the fellas wanted me to take a pack, and I forgot to take one. I'm not participating in these lies anymore, Jase. You bring great shame on Reburger with this kind of chat, man. You can ask my wife, Mogi. Oh, well. Yeah, we should call her. She's out at the moment. She's pretty busy. Oh, she's got her phone on her because, you know, she owns a mobile. So all good. Yeah, but she's just. I think we'll call her.

20:21Keyzie:Actually, I just texted her before, and she said she's otherwise engaged at the moment, but call her maybe 7, 7.30ish.

20:30Mike Minogue:Just checking to see if I've actually got her number, because we could call her right now. I know, I've got it, yeah. You've got it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you text her to me? Let's call her, literally call her right now.

20:38Keyzie:Right.

20:38Mike Minogue:And see whether they did or not have Reburg last night.

20:41Keyzie:Hey, I'll tell you what's coming up, fellas.

20:43Mike Minogue:It's your last chance, Jase. Do you want to admit that you didn't have it last night?

20:45Keyzie:I'll tell you what's coming up. Yeah. Old Vaughan from Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. Hopefully he's going to answer his bloody phone and we can have a little chitty chat about the radio awards tonight. I haven't got her phone number.

20:56Mike Minogue:Oh, okay. I've got it here. I've just found it. Oh. Here we go. You sure? Do you want to? She is actually working. Is she? She is a good job, man.

21:07Keyzie:We all know that. No, she is. She's working. Nah, man. Fellas.

21:10Mike Minogue:Well, this is your chance to just admit that you...

21:13Keyzie:Come on, man.

21:19Keyzie:She's working at... has been forwarded to my... Give a kid a blanket.

21:23Mike Minogue:Oh, that's a bugger. Give a kid a blanket.

21:25Keyzie:Yeah, we'll try later on. Yeah, sure. We'll try later in the show. I hope that's not for hungry children. Give a kid a blanket. What do you mean? Well, you don't give a kid a blanket who's hungry. Oh, no, they're not hungry. They're just cold. So they're full?

21:39Mike Minogue:Yeah. Okay. Are you sure you don't want to admit you didn't eat Reburger? Totally. Totally, man. It was delicious. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

21:51Keyzie:Live there on the Radio Hauraki big show this rather moody Thursday evening. As we've been banging on about all show, it's a radio awards tonight. We thought it would be really nice, didn't we, fellas, to ring the other finalists in the categories that we're finalists in. With that in mind, our Best Comedy Podcast. Yeah. Hayley, Fletchie and Vaughan were nominated. and Vaughan the mad bastard has decided to have a chat with us. G'day, Vaughan. How's life, mate? G'day, you mad bastard. This is good. You must be, bloody hell, you must be nervous as hell, are you?

22:29Mike Minogue:Shaking him a slip-on, to be honest. A hell of a category. And with you, three flallers up there, I tell you what,

22:36Keyzie:we're going to be, we're up against a stiff competition. Yeah. We've also got Tom Sainsbury in the category with us as well. Never heard of him. No, neither, man.

22:45Mike Minogue:I wish him well, and he sounds like a young fellow with a bright future. Lane, look, Vaughan, g'day, Keezy here, man. Hope you're well. Keezy. Is that a yes? No, I don't want to comment on the state of my health or mental health and well-being at this moment, Keezy, but back to you. Okay, fair enough. Just quickly, man, I mean, you've been in radio for a long time, obviously not as long as Jase, but... Some would say too long. Some would say... Have you been talking to my therapist? What are these radio awards, man, when you win a big award? because we have yet to win one, Vaughan. What does it do for sort of you and your profile and the show in general?

23:20Mike Minogue:Absolutely nothing.

23:21Keyzie:It's a huge industry circle jerk there, Keezy, and it means nothing. And when it comes to your next pay negotiations, management will conveniently forget that you've won eight of these in a row.

23:30Mike Minogue:Right, right, right. Although, to be honest, you know, I mean, you sort of brush it off because, you know, you've had, as you say, eight years in a row, you've been involved in an industry circle jerk. I haven't had a circle jerk for I don't know how many years. and I would love to get involved in a circle jerk tonight. You'd love to get involved in a circle jerk?

23:48Keyzie:Yeah. I've actually never been involved in a circle jerk either. I mean, I've been doing radio for a long time, Vaughan. No, I've never been in a radio circle jerk, Hoity J, but surely you've partaken in an industry circle jerk. Oh, in an industry one, but just not a radio one.

24:04Mike Minogue:Is that like a circle jerk on an industrial scale? It's huge. Is that what that is, an industry one?

24:08Keyzie:I have never had such sore shoulders, but listen, Vaughan, Mate, you fellas have won so many awards over the years, haven't you? You're probably over it now, I'd say. I mean, award schmored. Yeah, it gets to the point where it starts getting expensive putting up a new shelf. So, you know, if it was up to me, I'd be more than happy to pass the baton to three young flailers, actually, yourself, to really take it to the next step, really. Well, we just sort of thought five years, maybe it's about time we take something home. So, you know, the only way that we're going to sharpen up our chances is if there's less nominees in the category.

24:43So we thought if you don't withdraw, how about we smack you over?

24:48Keyzie:Sort of a scratchings of sort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't need to say Wyvern. You just quietly withdraw your name from the ticket, as it were. I mean, you've got such a great career. It would be such a shame for it to end. You know what I'm saying, man? Quit while I'm ahead.

25:09Mike Minogue:Sort of quit now before there's a loss, is what you're saying. Quit now while you're still healthy, you know what you mean? Yeah, you're still fit, man. Read between the lines here, Vaughan, man. We don't want to, you know, are you going tonight? You are going, eh? For the absolute briefest time, yes.

25:23Keyzie:I'll put in my contract and obligation time at the awards and then be leaving. Right, okay.

25:28Mike Minogue:Because we're kind of saying, like, if you don't pull out, then we might have to take you aside and just sort of, you know, rough you up. And not just you, but all three of you. Yeah, all three of you, man. Not just Vaughan. Yeah, yes. You know, that's actually fair enough. And if it got me out of the actual, through the actual awards ceremony, I'd happily take a pre-cerebody hiding in the bathroom. Well, I'll tell you what, Vaughan. This is, as I say, it's our fifth year, and Jason and I have never been to this awards. Jason's been in radio for probably 12 years. He's never been. This is my fifth year.

25:54I've never been. So this will be my first time. The way you're talking it up, brother, it sounds like a great event.

26:00Keyzie:Oh, yeah, hell of a time. Hell of a time. If you can last long enough, If you get invited to the last level, if you will, the golden circle jerk. Hoskins is always there. He's a regular participant.

26:14Mike Minogue:Yeah, you've got your Hoskins, you've got your Lushes, you know, the big names. Yeah, yeah. You're on Jeremy Wells, of course.

26:20Keyzie:He's quiet, but he's always present. Oh, he's jerking.

26:23Mike Minogue:Yeah, 100%. All right, so Vaughn, so just so we'll let you go, mate. You're a busy man, but just so we're in agreeance, you're going to withdraw from that category, aren't you?

26:30Keyzie:Yeah, count me a scratch. and I'll get out your Friday flash and your best bets and scratch us from the ticket. Okay, great. Thanks, Vaughan. That's good stuff. Very legit, mate.

26:39Mike Minogue:We didn't have to settle the vibe. Yeah, it's good. It's good. Well, good luck for tonight, Vaughan. You're all the best. Well, you know you just told me I'm out. Yeah, yeah, this is good. It's just a saying we use.

26:47Keyzie:Right, yeah, right, right. Just please and please. Got you, lads. Got you, lads. Break a leg. Good luck. Yeah, good stuff.

26:52Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

26:58Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Radiohead there on the Radio Hauraki big show this Thursday evening. Look, we're going to talk about something else, but I've just thrown a flag in here. We're called an audible, as they say in American football. Jase, I just want to know, man, are you all good? You all G, man? Are you all good? Yeah, fellas. I'm great. Why do you ask? The reason why I ask is because you've turned up here today in that Sally's Salvation Army suit, which is great.

27:23Mike Minogue:Thanks, man. Yeah, suit, because we've got other radio awards after the show. Yeah, so everyone's got to look savvy.

27:27Keyzie:I'll tell you what, my wife bought it for me for$10. $10! $10, wow. And so what's happened is you've come in here to the studio, and just now I've witnessed you sitting there, looking around behind you on the back of your chair and then on the floor, and I could tell from looking at you that you were looking for your jacket. I recognise that sort of lost look, that sort of act of senility where you don't know quite what's going on in the world. Bewilderment, if you will. Because I look the same often. Yes. And so I said to you, no, Jase, you hung your jacket up 10 minutes ago. It's on a coat hook out there in the other room.

28:06And you said, oh, yeah, that's right. Then you said, I was just looking for my jacket. And I was like, yeah, I know, mate. We're just chatting about it.

28:14Mike Minogue:And then he went out there and put the jacket on and came in, then went out to the office, poured a drink, came in here, and then took the jacket off and then hung it up again. And when I tell you this is in the space of six minutes, I'm not lying.

28:23Keyzie:What's up? What's going on? Well, I've got to be honest with you. fellas, I'm a little bit concerned. It's just I'm breaking out in hot flushes every now and then.

28:32Mike Minogue:Right, so you get really hot randomly.

28:34Keyzie:You know, and we can all agree on this. In the studio at the moment, she's all over the place, temperature-wise. Well, not at the moment. Today it's been absolutely magnificent. So I'll be wearing a jacket and then I'll go, jeez, it's a bit steamy in here, so I'll take my jacket off and in my defence I hung my jacket up over the back of the chair initially which is why I looked around to see if it was still there, forgetting of of course, that I'd hung it up on the clothes hanger out in Studio B. The trouble, of course, is that's not a defence because you had hung it up on a coat hanger out in Studio B.

29:06Keyzie:But that's why I initially looked there because initially I hung it there. But, you know, at night too, I'm waking up with the sheets are just ropes. I'm covered in sweat. I don't know what's going on. Poor of a mood. Poor of a mood. Yeah. Really? Totally. One minute I can be the nicest guy on planet Earth the next just biting your head off.

29:27Mike Minogue:Yeah. What about this? Okay, so what was it? Hot flushes? Yes. You get those regularly?

29:33Keyzie:All the time, man.

29:34Mike Minogue:I'm having one as we speak. And night sweats? Night sweats, yeah. Do you have problems sleeping? All the time, man. Yeah, what about mood changes or irritability?

29:43Keyzie:Well, that's what I was just saying, Keezy.

29:47Mike Minogue:Do you ever feel fatigued? All the time, man. Just chill out, man. It's all G. Headaches, migraines? No. Oh, okay. That's good. Reduced libido. Oh, yeah. Definitely no. Okay, that's good.

30:01Keyzie:Well, that's the other thing that's gone completely haywire. My libido. Your libido.

30:06Mike Minogue:It's through the roof or it's... It is through the roof. Right, okay. Literally sometimes. What about memory lapses? Pardon? Hard of hearing? What do you mean? I'm just putting your symptoms into... Speak clearly, Keezy. What about weight gain, especially around the abdomen? Yes. Oh, Paunch Boy, yeah. Take a look, fellas. Is that what they're calling him, Paunch Boy?

30:30Keyzie:Paunch Boy, yeah. Take a look. Fill your eyes.

30:33Mike Minogue:Oh, no, feast your eyes. I've just, yeah, fill your eyes. I've just put all these symptoms into ChatGPT. Do you know what it says you've got? What? Menopause. What's menopause? Menopause? What is that? I don't know, man. Is that a thing? I think it's a late stage of life. Generally, it's something that women go through. Not late stage of life, but certainly halfway through. It's almost over. It's got the word men in it, though. Yes. Do you reckon you could have menopause? Well, as I say, my libido's through the roof, so. So maybe not, okay. How's your vaginal dryness? Terrible. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey.

31:14Mike Minogue:Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

31:16Keyzie:Weezer there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday afternoon.

31:21Mike Minogue:Hey, fellas, it's time for this. What's on the news? With me, Keezy.

31:31Keyzie:You're going to love this, Mogi. I was going through the news every day, as I always do. Sorry, what are you doing?

31:38Mike Minogue:This is my segment. What are you doing? Well, I took it over yesterday, Keezy. Yeah, and you did your boat yarn, but you just read an article verbatim.

31:44Keyzie:I have never been inundated with more messages of support than I was yesterday. What, on your boat yarn? On my boat chat. How long was that bastard? A mile long, Moby. Which is how many metres? It's 10 ,000 metres. 10 kilometres long.

32:04Mike Minogue:Far out. Do you want to do the segment? Because I've got a news story here. Well, no. You have a crack at it, Kesey. Yeah, we'll give you one more chance, Kesey. What do you mean one more chance? Yeah, last chance.

32:11Keyzie:Just to, you know, make it work.

32:13Mike Minogue:Last chance saloon. Okay, fellas, have you heard about the mole people living in New York? What? That's interesting. Have you heard about the mole people? No. Oh. Got any news about them? Yeah, yeah. So some videos have been going viral of people either coming out of manholes or entering manholes in New York. And people are like, what's going on? They'll be wearing fishing waders and all sorts of stuff and going down there and then coming out. And one eyewitness was like, yeah, I saw these three dudes just casually walk up to a manhole. I've seen Jay's enter a few manholes in his day. No, this is different, though.

32:52When he worked in the sewers.

32:53Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, well, in that case, it's similar. Yeah, I didn't know you worked in the sewers. So, Jase, you'll love this. Well, he was log breaking. He was taking it on the road. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boy, did I break some logs. Yeah, cool. Just back to the story. People apparently were like, oh, there's some sort of hidden community down there. People living down there. You know, cost of living. Might have to go live in the manhole. I mean, it's pretty extraordinary, isn't it?

33:18Keyzie:To see three guys wearing waders going into a manhole, I mean, that is big news. I'm surprised they've got the waders. I did see a story. It was either in Pakistan. It might have been in Dubai, something like that. They have these children that have been abandoned. The parents go home. And they live underneath, like this Kesey, under manholes and close to sort of air conditioning vents and things so they can get some heat and also similarly some cool. That's fascinating. It's amazing what you can do.

33:46Mike Minogue:Probably some water as well evaporating off that tree. Yeah, they didn't like water. Oh, the kids? Yeah, they went into it. Yeah, yeah. Well, people have been spreading yarns that maybe people are living underground, but the authorities have looked into the manhole and various other manholes, not just that one. It feels like manhole's doing a lot of work in this story. Yeah, it really is. But it turns out that the leading explanation at this stage, fellas, as to why these blokes are all queuing up. To get in a manhole. To get in a manhole. is that they're all scavengers, urban explorers searching for coins, jewellery, scrap metal, that sort of thing.

34:22Keyzie:Oh. I mean, because people shit those out all the time, don't they?

34:28Mike Minogue:But anyway, yeah. Can I do that segment again tomorrow?

34:31Keyzie:That wasn't bad for me.

34:33Mike Minogue:Thank you. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

34:38Keyzie:The Strokes here on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this late afternoon afternoon before the radio awards. Now, fellas, I'm actually pretty excited about a sporting event coming up. Tonight, I believe, it starts, Mogie. Yes. The first test match in cricket between England and New Zealand at that hallowed of all grounds, Lords. It's exciting stuff. Is this sports chat? Yeah, I guess so.

35:07Keyzie:Sports chat. Yeah. Now I think it's been pretty well documented, fellas, that I've gone off me cricket. I used to be passionate about the game.

35:17Mike Minogue:Is it because you did a podcast on it and commentated heaps of it and just based your working life around it a bit too much?

35:24Keyzie:Partially, but no. The real reason, and the same thing happened with me with rugby, there was just too much of it. There is too much pap and I lost my passion for the game. Genuinely, I got to the point where I couldn't even watch it anymore. There were three things I would watch. Australia versus England. Ashes, either in England or Australia. I'll watch that. New Zealand versus India. I'll watch that. Hardcore pornography. Certainly I'll watch that. Or New Zealand versus England, either at home or in England. Preferably in England. So I'm actually very excited because I haven't watched any cricket for months and months and months to see them playing at Lord's.

36:04Keyzie:To be honest with you, couldn't even tell you who the New Zealand side's going to be. Well, I can help you with that, Hoity J. The likely 11 is Tom Latham, captain. Oh! Devin Conway, Kane Williamson, Ratchin Ravindra. Oh! Daryl Mitchell, Blundell's with the gloves. Yes. Glenn Phillips or Mitchell Santner. A little bit dependent because Phillips hasn't had a lot of cricket lately. No. So, yeah, so here we go there. Nathan Smith, Cole Jamison, Matt Henry, Will O 'Rourke. that's actually a very good side. It's not bad. That's a very good side because I know that we've had issues with our fast bowlers basically falling apart all over the place.

36:46Keyzie:Good to see our walk back. Matt Henry always does well in English conditions. A pity not to have Duffy. Yes. Who had such a blinding summer last year and was, I think, our player of the year, player of the season. So he's got his firstborn on the way. It was a matter of priorities, I mean, for God's sake. But anyway, and then England, Ben Duckett, Emilio Gay on debut. Never heard of him. Jacob Bethel, Joe Root, Harry Brook, Ben Stokes, Jamie Smith with the gloves, Shai Beshear, Ollie Robinson, Gus Atkinson, and Josh Tong round out the 11. Now, there's been a little bit of drama around the fact that Drogheda Archer has made himself unavailable for the first test because he's playing, wait for it, T20 shirt.

37:32Yeah, good. Yeah. Isn't that a disgrace? It is a disgrace. Be a strike bowler making himself unavailable for a test match at Lord's because he's playing T20. Well, there's my argument in a nutshell, mate.

37:44Mike Minogue:There's more money in it, isn't there? Do you know why it's called Lord's? I don't. No. It's nothing to do with the House of Lord's, which is what I thought it was something to do with that. It's just because the guy that founded it in 1787 was named Thomas Lord. Oh, there you go. I thought it was some like noble, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

38:01Keyzie:So it could have been Johnson's. And I tell you what, it is magnificent.

38:07Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

38:13Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Thursday's absolutely going off. You're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Rebeer Gear.

38:21Mike Minogue:Handcrafted beer gears, loaded fries and gourmet eats that will change the game. Scrum diddlyumptious. Yeah, man. Totally is scrum diddlyumptious, isn't it, Jase? Isn't it?

38:31Keyzie:It is. I love it. I love it, man. As I say, we had it last night, so it's going to be, you know. Now that they're back with us, it's going to become a regular feature of my diet again. What did your wife have? I can't remember, actually. What was it, chicken or beef? It was a beef cheesy burger type set up. That's kind of what they all are. I mean, let's not get bogged down in the details here, Keesey. I'm just saying that we enjoyed it, all right? And what did you have? Fries and a Red Royale or something. Okay, a Regent Red? Oh, Regent Red. Yeah. A Royale with cheese. Anyway. Hey, how are you feeling, fellas?

39:05Look, we've got the awards coming up soon. We'll be at the door. By all accounts, one of the greatest events in the social calendar. Sound to get a bit nervous. The radio awards, really? There's very few awards where you get to go up on stage and make a speech. Yes. But our category that we're up for, if we win, we have to go up and make a speech. So I think we need to sort ourselves out. Yeah.

39:28Mike Minogue:I'm keen to do a little dry run, if you will. We could do that a little later on this hour. But, Jase, I am just – I have found your wife's number, by the way. Pug sent it to me. So we're going to call your wife and actually see whether or not you keep lying about having Reburger. Yeah, it'll be interesting, won't it? Because off the back of all your other lies that we know about, lying about giving up smoking and vaping and being faithful. She'll probably be driving, fellas.

39:50Keyzie:I wouldn't be safe at that point. But actually, Mogi, that's a very good point. We need to be prepared in case we win tonight. Yeah, we'll do that later. but up next I'm going to call your wife

40:00Mike Minogue:and see whether you keep lying about eating our sponsor's product.

40:03Keyzie:As I say, she could be dry and it's bloody wet out there. I don't want to distract her.

40:06Mike Minogue:Beef, cheeseburger, fries and a Regent Red. I'm just going to confirm that order as well, so that's good. We'll do that next day, Jase. Yeah, okay. Be nice to hear from your wife. Won't it?

40:17Keyzie:Oh, just text her.

40:18Mike Minogue:No, no, no, no, don't. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

40:26Keyzie:Nirvana there on the radio. So Hodaki Big Show this Thursday night as we press ever closer to the radio awards.

40:34Mike Minogue:Yeah, so 7 o 'clock sharp, we run across to the event centre or Sky City. I don't even actually know where it is. We've all got our suits and stuff on and we get stuck in. We're actually up for an award, Best Comedy Podcast. And it is one of the awards where if you do win it, you actually have to go up on stage and say a speech. I've never said an award except in speech before. I don't know how to do it. so the idea was put forward, maybe we do a practice. Have you guys ever said an acceptance speech before? Well, I did when I had the honour of winning Best Actor at the 2019 Film and Television Awards.

41:08Whatever, man. And it was a beautiful moment because the actress that announced it, Kate Elliott, she said the winner is Mr Minigoo. So she'd never heard of me. Oh, Minigoo. And so she completely mispronounced my name and so I didn't know if I'd won. Right, and you were Steve. And then I was sort of thinking, who else has got a name that's kind of like that? So I just had to work through it and work out, oh, that must be me. So there was a break of about 30 to 40 seconds before I even stood up. So yeah, I mean, if it's better than that, it's not how in your dreams you imagine things going. In your dreams, you're probably at the Oscars.

41:45That is so funny. Yeah, yeah. That is hilarious.

41:47Keyzie:Well, I think the key, obviously, fellas in this scenario, keep it humble. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Keep it real. Okay. Keep it about the people.

41:55Mike Minogue:All right, well, should I go first?

41:56Keyzie:Well, can I also say, no, it feels like our captain should kick things off, but I don't want to, so we'll get Jase to do it. Oh, is he the captain? But I feel like there's sort of three areas. One is, you know, thanking and it's an honour, but also our fellow nominees. So someone has to cover that off. And then there has to be also, I think sort of the key to all of this stuff is, weirdly, we can't take any of the credit for this.

42:25Mike Minogue:Right. Like it's not that we're actually good, even though that's what it is. Yeah, yeah, of course it is. As you've got to thank the other nominees, you've got to thank the people in the office out here, you've got to thank Pugs for God's sake. 100%. I mean, how ridiculous is that? Yeah. You don't think we should thank Pugs? You've got to thank your families. Yes. And then if there's any time left over, I don't know. All right, well, let's do a run through. So you're going to lead us off, Jase? Sure. And then Mogi will come in and then I'll bring it home. Yeah, good on you, mate. So this is the scenario.

42:55Mike Minogue:We've just won, all right? We've been caught up on stage.

43:02Mike Minogue:Thank you. Thank you. Suck it. Thank you. In your face.

43:09Keyzie:Yeah, thank you very much. Wow. Wow, what an honour. Just first, before we, you know, kick off, an acknowledgement of the other nominees in this category. Show us your nips. You must have been shockingly bad and piss poor to lose to us. Shockingly bad. Yeah. I also, sorry, thanks, Jase, man. I just want to thank the people back at NdMe at Horaki there. Old Pugs-san. Old Pugs-san there. Old Pugs-san. His heart's not in anymore if anybody wants to give him a job. Yeah. he's ready to go he's done

43:51Mike Minogue:he's cooked just from myself and Mogey and Jason thank you so much it's a huge honour and this is why we Mogey Jase alright thank you The Hodaaki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hodaaki

44:12Keyzie:you two there on the Radio Hodaaki Big Show this Thursday evening and I tell you what New Zealand. A day in lieu is back.

44:20Mike Minogue:Wow. 25th of June, fellas. Thursday, three weeks time. We'll be up the Sky Tower broadcasting for 12 hours straight. Have you ever broadcast for that long before? I haven't, but it feels like it's going to be shared out amongst a team. Would that be right? I mean, I'm not going to do, we're not doing a full 12 hours, are we? Sure. No.

44:35Keyzie:I have vowed to do the stairs five times on that day. Oh, cool. Okay. We'll hold you to that. What happens if you don't do it? Oh, you know, it's not really. Why don't we just make it that you have to do the bungee off the Sky Tower if you don't do five times up the stairs.

44:50Mike Minogue:Well, how about this? Even just once. You just have to go up once. Up the stairs once? Yep, to the top. I'll tell you what, Jase, I'll do it with you. Actually, if you're doing it with him.

45:00Keyzie:That kind of changes it a bit for me if we're going to do that. What do you mean? Well, my training is specifically around five times. No, just do it once. Oh, look, let's just flag it. I mean, not the day in lieu, just the whole stair thing. But it's for charity. We've worked really hard on this. Yeah, but let's focus on the charity. I don't want to sideline it.

45:16Mike Minogue:What about this? Jase runs up you can just walk up the stairs to the top from the bottom and we raise donations for bowel cancer what a great idea man what a great idea like 10 ,000 per step no just anything really even if it was for 100 bucks wouldn't that be worth it yeah per step nah just in general so I think that's a really good way and really admirable that's smart for you to volunteer to do that yeah but it's really good

45:39Keyzie:I want to reiterate the most important thing here is the broadcast oh yeah everyone agrees with that let's not get let's not get sidelined How good's a broadcast going to be if we can cut to you live and you're near death on the second floor?

45:54Mike Minogue:The second floor of about 100. That's a really good idea, though, Jase.

45:57Keyzie:Yeah, well, listen, I'll put it to Bogsy. No, no, Pugs will take care of it. You don't have to do anything. I'll speak to Pugsy about it. Who's Pugsy? And then we'll see where we go from there. All you have to do is practice walking up steps, Jase. That's all you've got to do, man. Well, I do that every day, Keasy. Exactly. It'll be easy. As for you, man, it'll be easy money. There's only 1 ,103 stairs. There's only 51 floors. Yeah, you'll knock that out, man. Yeah, I reckon. 51 floors?

46:26Mike Minogue:That's easy, man. Yeah, totes. Sweet.

46:28Keyzie:Okay, well, it's agreed then? Oh, no, look, we've got to... You can't just... Lock these things in and then all of a sudden it's happening. It requires a bit of admin. You just have to put some shorts on. Leave it with me. No, I'm not leaving anything with it. Leave it with me. No, absolutely not. You've got to concentrate on your training, Jase. We'll sort out the logistics. Leave it with us. We'll be your support crew, man. Consider it done.

46:51Mike Minogue:Yeah. Consider it done. This is great, actually. Kate and the team in the office will be stoked because this will add another layer to raising money and awareness for charity. Yeah, there's other things. We didn't do a comedy festival thing. We didn't do a gig there. But this feels like this is our contribution to this next big thing that we're doing. Let's just stay focused here, fellas. Oh, we are, Jase. Don't worry. That's what the good thing about having a team of four is the three of us will stay focused while you raise money for charity. Yes. Of course, we're doing the whole thing for Bowel Cancer New Zealand.

47:14Mike Minogue:If you'd like to donate to Jase, who's going to be climbing all 51 stairs of the Sky Tower. 51 floors. Floors, sorry. Yeah, 1 ,100. Text LUE. That sounds like a lot. LUE to 3483 for a secure donation link and head to dayandlue.co.nz for an online symptom checker with bowel cancer. If you catch the symptoms early, you have a very good chance of saving your own life. So do do it. Good on you, Jase. Keezy, what day was that? No, Thursday, June 25th. It's in your calendar already. See you there. See you there, brother. I'm so excited. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

47:48Keyzie:Yes, indeed, Rage Against the Machine there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this wet and moist Thursday evening.

47:56Mike Minogue:It certainly is wet and moist. It's also, I feel like there's a big stench of lies hanging over the Big Show studio. Oh, come on, man. I don't know if you can smell that, Moggy, probably can. I'll tell you what I can smell, man. I can smell a cloud of distrust. That's what it is. And that's what I'm not happy about is that there's all this distrust around the place. And it feels like reds under the bed. It feels like knocking out your neighbours and all this sort of stuff. And so what I want to do is I'd just like to get to the bottom of exactly what's going on, Jase. Last night you said that you were going to Reburger with your wife for dinner.

48:32It's something you've said a million times before. and you say it so often that there's no way it can be true, Kesey. Agree?

48:37Mike Minogue:100%. We're just like, we don't believe you. And it's a sponsor's product. We're partners with them. And I'm pretty sure you go on the radio and lie and say that you're definitely having Reburger.

48:47Keyzie:Come on, fellas.

48:48Mike Minogue:So what we thought we'd do is Pugs is sent through your wife's number. How does he have her number? We're calling her now.

48:57Keyzie:Hello, reception. There she is. Don't you dare. You don't get to talk, mate. Guys, I have not spoken to my wife about this issue at all. So whatever you ask her, she is obliged, and she's an honest person.

49:16Mike Minogue:I think this actually is reception. Is that actually reception? Hello? Is this NZME reception? Yes, it is. Have I won something? No, you haven't. I've accidentally called the wrong number. Sorry, Yona. I'm so sorry about that. You can give me something. Yeah, we'll give you a backbone T-shirt. Oh, lovely. Okay. Sorry about that, Yorna. Rochelle. Oh, Rochelle. Rochelle. Come on. Sorry, Rochelle. All right. It's all right. Thank you. Love you. Bye. Bye.

49:46Keyzie:Oh, that's a bugger, fellas. That is a shocker. That's terrible, man. Oh, well, we have to come back to that one. Yeah, maybe another time we could probably do it there. I'm chucking it in. I'm just chucking it. That's a bugger. It's kind of over now, isn't it? No, that is. I mean, that was just radio gold right there, man. Should we kill your wife tomorrow? Yeah.

50:09Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

50:23Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's The Big Show done and dusted for your Thursday evening. The fellas are now off to the awards, but before we do that, Kesey.

50:33Mike Minogue:The podcast and radio awards, by the way.

50:35Keyzie:What's a podcast outro clip for which we've been nominated? We don't have one, man.

50:39Mike Minogue:Oh, we don't.

50:40Keyzie:We don't have one.

50:41Mike Minogue:Pugs literally just sent through and said, hey, we don't have a clip because we've got to shoot off straight after this. That was that voice you heard. That was in your conscience. You just ignored it. Oh, okay. That's all right. The podcast is good today. It's really good. Yeah, you just have to take our word for it. I don't feel like the clip ever really makes people think, go from I'm not listening to the podcast to I'm not listening to that. I reckon the opposite. I think people would. Do you think so? Maybe, maybe.

51:05Keyzie:Good stuff in there. Well, good luck for tonight, fellas. Good luck. Thanks, Jace. Hey, can I just say, fellas, that whether we win or lose, you know, I'll see you tomorrow.

51:16Mike Minogue:Wow. Yeah, it's really good, man. It's really nice.

51:20Keyzie:I'm expecting Keezy to be fully nasally.

51:22Mike Minogue:I'm going to be hungover tomorrow. Yeah, absolutely. Everyone, write that down. Everyone listening, you guys, Keezy's hungover tomorrow. And we aren't covering breakfast like we had to last year. Yeah, that was a nightmare. Because I had two hours sleep.

51:34Keyzie:Hey, check out the Instagram. Check out the podcast till tomorrow. See you later. Bye.