FULL SHOW: BACK IN BIZ

12:29Keyzie:Fair, Mogey, fair. I remember on my 20th anniversary, actually, taking my beloved wife. We went to a very nice hotel down on the South Island there. And everything, just like you, kind of beautiful views, a lake, vistas, amazing food. No movie channel. No. And I was like, are you shitting me? Why do you guys need Wi-Fi and a movie channel? No movie channel at all. One sport channel. Allow me to paint you a picture here, Keezy. Saturday night, 7.30, no whars. So here I am, away on my 10-year wedding anniversary, and I don't get to watch the Warriors smash St. George Illawarra.

13:18Mike Minogue:Yeah, the worst team in the comp. Yeah, exactly. A guaranteed victory, and I have to miss out on it? Why should I suffer? Yeah, fair, fair, man. For our wedding anniversary, my wife and I, we went glamping, which is similar to glamorous camping. Yes. And we did a jigsaw puzzle and drank wine and chatted about the future and what it held for us. You know, so that's

13:43Mike Minogue:It's good shit, you know But how long have you been married for? Three years Yeah, yeah Oh, right, okay, is it fade, does it? Yeah, yeah, okay The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki

13:59Keyzie:Yes, indeed, a bit of bush for your Monday afternoon Now, it's been a sort of rugby league week and a half really, hasn't it? And with that in mind, we thought we'd better call our rugby league correspondent a rugby league legend, the one and only Charlie Gubb. Charlie, it's been ages. How are you, you mad bastard?

14:20Mike Minogue:Hoity Jizz, good to hear from you, bro. He didn't call me last week. Couldn't back up, huh? He couldn't back up. Yeah, hoity Jizz. Yeah.

14:28Keyzie:We were coming back from Brizzi on Monday last week, mate. That's why we couldn't call you. I couldn't get my phone to work properly.

14:37Mike Minogue:No, that's all good. That's all good. But, yeah, what's been happening? What's been on you with my Portamaniacs? Oh, yeah, Portamaniacs, of course. Uncle Charlie running Portaking, Wellington's, New Zealand's best Portaloo company. What's been happening, Charlie, is that we have had a few days off work there, but we have still been knee-deep in the waas, man, them making easy work, short work of the St. George Illawarra Dragons, 30 points to 12 over the weekend. Mogi and I were just talking about how magnificent it is having someone like Alofiana Khan-Parrera who's just got speed that the Warriors have never, ever had.

15:13Mike Minogue:And he just seems to generate an extra one or two tries per game. It's a real luxury for us, isn't it? It is, and it definitely helps him that we've probably got the best forward pick we've ever had, I reckon. Yeah. Which is, you know, we've had some good forwards in the past, but 1 to 8 or, you know, 1 to 17, they're just all go-forward players, and they just keep turning up ultra-consistent. When you're not going into a game wondering what performance you're going to get now, we know that we're on. 100%. Exactly right. Speaking of performances, I happened to turn Sky Television on the other night, Charlie.

15:47One of my favourite shows, The League Lounge, with me, Shrey Johnson. And who should be sitting on the couch but old Porter King himself? Charlie Gubb, talk us through it, man.

15:59Mike Minogue:For a$300 appearance fee, brother. Yeah, boy. See, it's a lucrative career post-NRL. Charlie, because... Yeah, that's when you don't declare it. Come on.

16:09Keyzie:Because we haven't spoken since Magic Round, your thoughts on the Broncos game. I mean, we were there live, mate. Absolutely magnificent atmosphere. The only punishing aspect of it was Keezy going back and forth in front of me all the time getting beersies. But what were your thoughts on the game itself?

16:29Mike Minogue:It was insane, really. Couldn't have asked for a better start. One, the Broncos ill-discipline, just giving us the ball, and then what we did with the ball. Yeah, it was just very impressive. And I'll tell you a stat, guys, that I got from the Sean Johnson League Lounge. That game was more watched than any all-black game since the World Cup. Oh, wow. That was the most watched. Holy cow. Holy cow. Yeah, it's been a bloody big chat around the wires, and I think really the biggest test is going to be this weekend. It depends, of course, the Warriors currently second on the table. We'll be playing Penrith, who are first on the table.

17:07We'll be interested to see whether Cleary makes his players back up after Origin, but this is the first true test. The Broncos have had a lot of injuries. Storm obviously had a lot of injuries. We've been in both those sides, but this is the one that counts, Charlie. I mean, they all count. They all count for two points, Mugi. I get what you're saying, but I think we're better than Penrith. I think Penrith are good. They got Cleary, but, you know, we got 17 of us now. Yeah, we got to mighty. I think so, boys.

17:36Mike Minogue:Yeah, how are you, baby? Well, just a few stats here, Charlie, that you won't get on that League Lounge show you mentioned. Panthers have won 10 of their last 11 against the Waz, nine of their last 10 at Combank Stadium as well. So history would suggest that the Panthers have the wood on us. However, it is during Origin as well, so a lot of their players will be out of action. Are you predicting a win for the Waz this week, though, Charlie? Yeah, I am, brother, because it's 2026 and it's nil all. Yeah, baby. It's nil all versus the new team. So I actually think we're going to dominate them through the middle.

18:09I think both wingers will probably get a double.

18:11Mike Minogue:But it is good to see Tomaidi Martin actually slotting in nicely. I'm not sure what's going to happen there, fellas, with Metcalf and Tomaidi. But I think whatever happens, it's going to be good. I do just want to say that I really hope that, you know, when Metcalf eventually does come back, I think they'll bring him back off the bench. I think Tamati Martin's going really well. I really hope that the Warriors faithful get him behind him. I hope there's no bad blood. I hope there's no booing or any of that stupid rubbish. And I hope we're above that. I just want to say that. I just want to say that.

18:40Mike Minogue:No, I agree because the Warriors faithful have always been very forgiving. 100%. I'm happy that Mogi is about to make a formal apology for the way he's treated Dallin in the past. I have nothing but respect for that man. No, I know. No, no. He's been on. You've got to admit. He's been on real. He's been great, Charlie. Don't start playing music in the background. This is how radio works, Charlie. Big shout out to Portaking. And before we let you go, Charlie, who was your Portaking player of the round against St. George? Wellington Portamaniac, Jakey Laban. Ah, big Jakey Laban. Yeah, nice. One free Portaloot coming his way.

19:19Keyzie:By the way, Keezy, I'm with Gubby. Don't ever start the music when Gubby's talking, man. I will not have it on the show. Thanks, Gubby.

19:29Mike Minogue:Boy, he's stressed out. Something's missing. That's all good. See you, fellas. Bye. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

19:38Keyzie:Pixies here on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 4.48. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

19:53Yeah. Yeah. Fellas, over the weekend, was that true? Maybe yesterday afternoon. I watched a terrible documentary on Netflix. I think it's probably number one movie in the country. It's something called Crash. It's a true crime doco. It's about a young woman there that had a couple of passengers in her car. And then she had a crash. But was it an accident or wasn't it? And yeah, then you guys sort of go through the trial and everything that's been going on with him. Pretty loose parenting. Can I put it to you that way? Yes. Pretty loose parenting. Did you watch it, Jase? Yes. Yes. You know, massive two-star, but you'll be able to sit there and watch it pretty easily.

20:35Look, Jase, I'll ask you, mate, guilty or not guilty?

20:40Mike Minogue:Just pretend you're on the radio and that people are listening.

20:42Keyzie:I don't know. I think guilty. Yes, I do. Definitely. And how horrific was the crash? Not good. They've got it on video, Kesey, and it is, my wife and I were like, oh, whoa, whoa.

20:58Mike Minogue:Wait, so you're saying this documentary called Crash has a video of the crash. It actually has the crash, yeah. She was going at a fair rate of knots and turning around corners as she went. So her defence that she couldn't remember and she was passed out. Yes, not good, not good.

21:13Keyzie:Fellas, I went back. And that's on Netflix and it's called Crash. Crash. I give it two buzzies as well. Yeah, good. My wife and I discovered on TVNZ Plus one of the greatest shows of all time. Talk back. Flowers, it's called, which we've watched before, two seasons. Yes. In my definite, I think, like with Mr. Inbetween, Flowers is right up there in my top three greatest shows of all time. It is absolutely superb comedy. Quirky English family. The father's a writer. He's mad. The whole family's mad. Yeah. Written and directed by, oh God, his name's gone out of my head. And he's gone out of mine as well.

22:00He's an English fellow that ended up being in the latest season of The White Lotus. White Lotus, yes. Yeah, that's right. He's an incredible writer, a great actor too.

22:07Keyzie:But what I love about this show is it is very funny in parts, but it's also very poignant in parts. There's parts where you go, oh, God. Yeah. Oh, oh. It is so, Julian Barrett, is it? Oh, Julian Barrett from The Mighty Boosh. The Mighty Boosh. He's the main character. Olivia Colman. Yes. Amazing cast. Will Sharp. It is an amazing show. Yeah. And we've already seen it, but we've gone back to it and gone, oh, yeah. I'm going to watch it again because you recommended this last time. I think we got about through three or four episodes, and then we didn't have, at that stage, it was on Neon. Yes. Yes.

22:45Keyzie:It's brilliant. 4.9 busies. Out of five. Out of five busies.

22:50Mike Minogue:And that's on Netflix, is it? No, it's on TV Plus. TV Plus Flowers. Fellas, whilst I was away on holiday, I watched Parasite. Oh, yeah. The movie Parasite. Yeah. That won Best Picture, one of Pugs' favourite films. He was banging on it. Oh, Keezy, watch Parasite. You'll love it. Can I just say I loved it? Yeah, good. Really, really, really, really, really entertaining film. Great twist. You know, and it's all subtitles, which if you're in the mood for it, is actually a really great way to watch stuff. The acting is phenomenal. The twist at the end, the sort of ending where you're like, oh. And then you watch a few interviews about the movie and you're like, oh.

23:26Mike Minogue:You know, like seriously, very, very enjoyable.

23:30Keyzie:Just on that, we had a lovely little moment last night, Mogey.

23:33Mike Minogue:4.9 buzzies out of 5.

23:34Keyzie:When we were out to dinner, I was out to dinner with Mogey, with old Keezy and his wife and Pugs and his partner. And we were talking about a TV program and Keezy's wife said, would Keezy's wife like it?

23:50Mike Minogue:Because that's become like a rating on our show.

23:52Keyzie:And I said, no, I don't think so.

23:54Mike Minogue:I think you were talking about flowers.

23:55Keyzie:I was talking about flowers. It is very full on in parts, but it's brilliant. Brilliant!

24:00Mike Minogue:Can I just say, if you haven't seen Parasite, the Korean-made film that won, I think, 29 Best Picture, 2019, sorry, Definitely, like, dark comedy thriller. Really good. Keezy's wife probably wouldn't like it. No. Highly recommend. What's it on again? A brain. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

24:25Keyzie:Welcome to the biggest show on earth. Our biggest show. The biggest. Biggest. This is big. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue, and Keezy. Yeah, welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Monday's going off. You're listening to The Big Show, incidentally, brought to you by Toledo's.

24:44Mike Minogue:That's right, Toledo's natural electrolyte beverages made right here in New Zealand.

24:53Mike Minogue:Toledo's. And fun fact about Toledo's, actually, fellas. As we know, it's a family-run operation. Yes. Bit of a Kiwi start-up taking on those big electrolyte companies using natural flavours and stuff like that. In a few months' time, they will be available in Z stations across the entire country. Yes. Bloody good, mate. Very exciting watching a little company grow like this.

25:12Keyzie:Yeah, it's fantastic. And rightly so. As soon as I got in the studio, I sucked on one. You have been sucking it hard. And I sucked it hard, fellas. I just felt like I needed, you know, a bit of hydration. Yeah, rehydration. Rehydration. Beautiful. Get stuck into it. Hackel, you're not drinking one, Keezy. What's wrong with you, man? Is that water you're drinking, man? You need to wake up. whether it's Toledo's or nothing.

25:36Mike Minogue:Yeah, well, nah, you can have water as well, though, can't you? Nah. Incidentally, Chase, the one you're drinking looks like the colour that I would imagine when you go wheeze, that's what it would look like. Yeah, exactly. It's a super, super dark orange. It's kind of the colour of your wheeze every single day or me and Keezy's wheeze after Magic Round. Yeah, it's like a burnt orange or like a rusty water.

25:54Keyzie:Well, my wheeze are very much like that, but because I drink so much of this particular flavour.

26:01Mike Minogue:Oh, wow, really?

26:02Keyzie:That's exactly, and God, I feel good for it too. I'm going to suck on it now while you fellas introduce the song.

26:08Mike Minogue:It's called drinking, not sucking on. Arctic Monkeys?

26:12Keyzie:Mm-hmm.

26:12Mike Minogue:Arabella? How's it taste?

26:14Keyzie:Mm.

26:17Mike Minogue:How's it going, Jase? Yum, man. Oh, yeah. Now you're talking. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike, and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

26:28Keyzie:Nirvana there on the radio. So Houdaki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time, 12 minutes past five o 'clock.

26:37Mike Minogue:Fellas, over the weekend I had a classic Keezy Dilemma. Actually, no, that's not a thing. So we're about to sell our house, right? We're going to put it on the market soon, and we're in the process of just going to a billion open homes every single weekend, going to all these houses. And what starts as a very fun journey, quickly turns into a very punishing journey. Yes. So we went to this house on the Sunday, I believe it was. No, sorry, Saturday there. And it was the third house we'd looked at. And as soon as I arrived, I knew I wasn't interested. But we're there. Let's go have a look inside.

27:08Mike Minogue:Yeah, sure. So as we're walking up to the house, my wife goes first. And I'm sort of like looking around. I'm sort of scoping out the exterior of the house and like looking around, you know, the front gate area and things like that. And the real estate agent, who would have been about, I don't know, 40 or maybe mid-40s or something. And he's wearing a suit. And he goes, oh, geez, at least one of you is fizzed to be here. Wow. And then my wife sort of stopped. Then I looked at him and was like, oh, is he talking about me? And then I was like, what? And he goes, ah, sarcasm. Ah. Because one of you is not fizzed to be there.

27:41Mike Minogue:And then instantly I was like, and my wife was the same. We were both like, even if this was our dream house, we would not now buy it.

27:47Keyzie:Right. Just because of him.

27:49Mike Minogue:But then I was like, maybe I was looking a bit like not interested or something. Had I had a few beers the night before? Was I hungover? Yeah, a little bit. but I just thought it was a bit too far, you know? It wasn't funny. It was just a bit dickish. What do you reckon? Yeah, but so you've turned up there. In your mind, you're thinking, I don't want to be here, but we might as well have a look. 100%. He's then called out and said, at least one of you is happy to be here, taking into account the fact that you don't want to be there. He's read you like a book. So in terms of being a salesperson, he is absolutely on fire because he has nailed the fact that you don't want to be there, and to his credit, I think, called you out on it.

28:27Is that what's happening? Hang on, I don't think he's...

28:29Keyzie:You've gone through his system. He's noticed your greenish hue. Yeah. The sort of slight slant and heaviness to your eyes. I don't think there's anything wrong with slanted eyes. Also, the fact that... Dragging your massive hooves around, your big boaties are dragging on the soil. I don't have hooves. You were snapping it. I was wearing those. You were snapping it. Your lovely wife... I didn't snap it. I didn't add that. You're in a bit of a mood. So he's immediately gone... Doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. Okay, loser. Jase, I feel like... I'm just going to say it how it is.

29:02Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, cool. Because I just want to touch on what Moggy said. Even if he did read me like a book, I didn't want my book read. Yeah, I know. He's read you like an absolute open book. Totally. And that must annoy you because you've got, you know, you pride yourself on this looking at homes and all this sort of thing, and you're not even halfway up the front path, and this guy has absolutely nailed you. I didn't get nailed by this guy. He's absolutely nailed you completely. This guy has pulled your pants down, got everyone in the neighbourhood to come around, had a look, pointed at you downstairs and had a good old laugh.

29:29That's what's happened to you. Totally.

29:31Keyzie:It's a massive downtrow. Yeah. And then he stood on your pants. So you're standing there trying to pull up your pants, but you can't because he's standing on them. And my wife's like, oh, my God, this is embarrassing. And she's like, why did I marry him?

29:42Mike Minogue:And then he's like, well, hey, why don't you run away with me instead? And she's like, yeah, good idea. You're a winner. That's right. And then they get in the car and has she come back yet? Nah. I mean... So he was in the right?

29:57Keyzie:Well, it's not a matter of right or wrong. He just read you beautifully, Keezy. Yeah, right. Okay, cool. He's just won the battle against Keezy there. Okay, sweet. He's done you. Yeah, nice. He's done you.

30:08Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Sons of Hauraki. Gotta live this life. Let's see who wants to ride with the street dogs.

30:22Keyzie:Yes, indeed, your chance to win a very, very sexy street dog electric motorbike. And they are genuinely very, very sexy, aren't they, fellas? Yeah, one of the hottest things I've ever seen on two legs. Yeah, man.

30:38Mike Minogue:Well, hang on. It's on two wheels. It's not on two legs. Wow. Wow. Couple of options there for you. If you've got a motorcycle license, you get the full-blown street dog XR. Full blown. Full blown. Well, it's not blown, which is a colloquial term for supercharging something. Boom. Yeah, yeah, not the blown you were thinking of. But if you've only got a car license, you can still get the Street Dog 50. Oh, yeah? And ride that legally. Have you got your car license yet, Jase?

31:05Keyzie:Yeah, totally, man. You've still been restricted, man. Funnily enough, I was in the car park last night, saw your little truckie there with your motorbike on the back. What was going on there, Keezy?

31:15Mike Minogue:Just drove it in. Just stashed it there for the week. No biggie. No biggie, man.

31:19Keyzie:Okay, cool. Yeah, why don't you just mind your own business, man? I was just wondering why your motorbike was on the back. That's all.

31:24Mike Minogue:Because I'm in the process of getting it complied still, and I have to fix a brake line on it. Okay, man. Jeez, man. I'm trying to concentrate on street dog here, man. Should we go to the lines, fellas? Yes, please.

31:34Keyzie:G'day, Ben, you mad bastard. How's life?

31:37Mike Minogue:Yeah, great, guys. How are you doing?

31:38Keyzie:Yeah, good, thanks, mate. What do you do for a crust, Ben?

31:41Mike Minogue:Oh, I'm carpet layer. You love it, eh? Backbone. Hey, Ben, how annoying is it when you have to carpet stairs? Oh, no, they're no dramas, man. They're easy, man. Oh, yeah, yeah, totally. Piece of piss the stairs, Keezy. It's my favourite part. Yeah, totally, totally.

31:57Keyzie:I love carpet. Tell me, Ben, have you ever owned a motorbike? No. Okay. Wow. First time for everything, man.

32:06Mike Minogue:Yeah, I reckon. Totally. Hey, Ben, have you ever been in a gang, man? No, buddy. Yeah, right, well, get ready, because you could be joining the Hodaki gang. All right, you're in the draw, Ben, all right? We're going to pop you on hold.

32:18Keyzie:Good on you, mate. G'day, Jim, you mad bastard. How's life?

32:23Mike Minogue:G'day, hoody, Jay. It's real good.

32:25Keyzie:Oh, how good.

32:26Mike Minogue:Real good, eh?

32:27Keyzie:Why is it real good? What's going on?

32:30Mike Minogue:Well, I finally got through on the flaming line. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

32:35Keyzie:Tell me, Jim, what do you do for a crust?

32:37Mike Minogue:I'm a land surveyor. Oh, yeah. You just survey the land. Yeah, man. You're a mad bastard. So do you sort of take surveys, you hand out pieces of paper, and they fill them out, and the surveys are about land? Yeah, that's exactly right, Keezy, mate. You're on for it. You've nailed it there, Keezy, Jim. Thanks, mate.

32:55Keyzie:What's your favourite motorbike, Jim?

32:57Mike Minogue:Oh, it's got to be a Kawasaki, mate. Oh, yeah. That's a Japanese brand, man. That's called a Kawasaki. No, it's not. It's just Kawasaki. Kawasaki. Hey, Jim, if we just get back to Street Dog, who have paid to be part of this instead of plugging Kawasaki, Have you ever ridden an electric motorbike, man? No, I haven't, actually. They go like the clappers. They go like the clappers. The absolute clappers. Sexy as, Jim.

33:19Keyzie:Great news for you, mate. You're in the draw. Stay on the line. Perfect. Good on you, man. G'day, Harmon, you mad bastard. How's life? Oh, pretty good, boys. How are you guys going? Yeah. Hey, tell me, Harmon, did you have a big weekend, did you? Oh, I did. I did, boys. Are you struggling with the demons, Harmon? What's the most shocking, bastard, thing you did all weekend?

33:41Mike Minogue:Oh, do you know what? I went up to Coramander with my son and we just had a good time. Yeah, okay. That sounds all right, man. Wholesome, man. That's wholesome, man. Good stuff.

33:50Keyzie:What do you do for a crust, by the way, Harman?

33:52Mike Minogue:I'm an auto electrician. Oh, yeah. Backbone. Tick or mig? No, that's welding. You're just running diagnostics and things like that, Harman? Yeah, joining wise. Yeah. Guilty, guilty. Piece of piss, that stuff, eh? Yeah, totally. So easy. It's such a... Plug it in and it tells you what's wrong. Yeah, chuck some tape around it. Sweet ears.

34:16Keyzie:Good on you, Harvin. You're in the draw too, mate.

34:19Mike Minogue:Thanks, boys. Awesome. Good on you, man. How good. If you want to join the Hodaki gang and potentially win yourself a street dog electric motorcycle, make sure you keep Radio Hodaki locked. Plenty of chances throughout the day.

34:32Keyzie:I mean, it just didn't make sense that your truckie was in there and your bike was in there too. What do you mean? It was on the back of my truck. But it was just sitting there. It just seemed weird to me. I was giving it a piggy bag.

34:44Mike Minogue:Yeah, well, I went over and checked it out. My truck has a deck and you can put stuff on it. I put my bike on the back of it. What's the big deal? It just seems weird.

34:51Keyzie:Oh, by the way, I left something on your truckie deck.

34:54Mike Minogue:Oh. Check it out. Did you lose on my truck? Come on, Jase, man. The Hauraki Beat Show with Jase, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

35:05Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Radiohead there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon, or Monday early evening, let's call it. The time is 5.36. Now, Mogi, of course, you're away over the weekend on your sexy 10-year anniversary. Yeah. Sounded pretty hot. Did it? But it was the end of the comedy festival last night, and we got offered the chance to go along, the fellas from the Big Show. Unfortunately, you couldn't make it because you were away with your beloved. So the other fellas from the big show, we all decided to go, didn't we, Keezy?

35:44Mike Minogue:Yes, right. We went to Last Laughs, which is the final show of the Comedy Festival where they give out the awards from the festival, the Billy T. James Award for up-and-coming comedians, and then the Fred Award, named after Fred Dagg, of course, for the top show, basically. Of the festival. And that was at 7 p.m. at Sky City Theatre. So we were like, oh, let's go into the city early, go to Hoity J's apartment and have a little get-together beforehand. Big city life. Yeah, big city life. Yeah, big city life.

36:12Keyzie:So I said, come on over, fellas. The evening didn't get off to a good start.

36:18Mike Minogue:Yeah, big city life.

36:21Keyzie:Sorry, I couldn't find it. And I didn't realise, because I didn't have my phone on me, that Keezy had frantically been trying to call me. I missed eight calls from him. One call. Eight calls from old Keezy. From Pugs. Because I just assumed that when the fellas would arrive that they'd just, you know, push the buzzer. 100%.

36:43Mike Minogue:Do you know which room is his? Which number? What his apartment number is? No. No, neither. Is it in any of our chats? No, it's not. No. It actually is.

36:52Keyzie:Is it? Yeah, it is. But anyway, so then it was like I looked at my phone and went, oh, and there was a in capital letters from Keezy. Can you let us in, please, Jase?

37:05Mike Minogue:I said, we're here.

37:06Keyzie:And I was like, whoa, Keezy's in a hur of a mood.

37:09Mike Minogue:I was in a great mood.

37:11Keyzie:So I had to go all the way down the stairs and say, well, what, didn't you ring the buzzer? And they were like, well, we were texting you, but there was no response, and we didn't know what number you were. And I was like, God, you guys are dear brains. Did you not just text them and say, just push the buzzer for apartment number blah, blah, instead of having to go all the way down the stairs, which sounds like it was a massive palaver. There was one flight of stairs. He's on the first floor. Well, I just sort of felt like, because Keezy was in such a hurr of a mood, I had to do a sort of face-to-face, and my old Pugson, Jesus, he looked like he'd been sucking on a lemon by the time I got there.

37:42Keyzie:He was really pinched in the face.

37:44Mike Minogue:No, it wasn't a lemon, it was a durry, actually.

37:45Keyzie:Oh, was it a durry? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Filthy bastard. So they came up, and for the occasion, Mogi, as promised by Horty J, I constructed an elaborate platter. Now, platters are my thing. That is such a yarn, really? I love making a platter for people I've heard you make the best in the world I think so Would that be accurate? I think that's pretty true Because I've never heard you ever say that platters are your thing But here we are And I'm not surprised because everything's your thing

38:16Mike Minogue:40J, best in the world, A number one So Jace, this is the first time I've literally heard you making a platter Considering last time we went round to your house You asked me to bring the bread Yeah, that's right And you're the best in the world at making platters Come on now

38:28Keyzie:I bought bread this time. Oh, well done. And I sliced it. Is this whole break just an opportunity for you to brag about what a weapon you are? Oh, look, we don't want to go on about it. What a platter weapon. But you bought bread and you sliced it. So it was such a good platter, Moogie.

38:44Mike Minogue:It was the best thing since.

38:45Keyzie:I sliced bread. Thank you. There he is. It was such a good platter. You know, I was expecting a bit of witty repartee, you know, a bit of jokes and stuff with the fellas and their lovely, lovely partners. Terrible company, were they? Oh, mate, the platter was so good, they were just hoeing in. They were just stuffing their faces with cheeses, salamis.

39:09Mike Minogue:Jase, the platter was lovely, right? Great selection. How was the sliced bread? Grapes. To be honest, it was about four bits of sliced bread. I wouldn't go on the radio and bang on about it personally. But while we're here, there's probably like three pieces of prosciutto. Oh, wow, that's not enough. There's about six of us there. Wow.

39:24Keyzie:Yeah, but there were sheets of prosciutto. They were big sheets, and partly the crowd that was with me were vegetarian.

39:31Mike Minogue:The crowd, one person. But look, it was nice. It was lovely. It was certainly, as soon as we walked in, they were like, hey, would you like a drink in these glasses that we've got here? Because last time we went around, and there was wine, but he had no glasses to put in. So I could tell that he was trying to step it up from last time. Yeah, good. If this was like a come-dine-with-me experience, what would you give it out of 10, Kesey? Probably like a five. Come on, man.

39:56Keyzie:And then my wife, at the end of the evening, she said to me, the fellas are very well-mannered. They're very well-mannered fellas. Now, this popped up in the chat today. They're in their 30s. Do they get a pat on the back for that?

40:08Mike Minogue:Well, apparently so, from my wife. Well, hang on, if we're patting him on the back for cutting a loaf of bread. I'm not patting him on the back. He's patting himself on the back. I can't get my hand in there.

40:17Keyzie:I was surprised because Keezy was in such a horror of a mood, you know what I mean?

40:22Mike Minogue:No, Jason, it was a 9.5 out of 10, all right? Thanks, mate. So good.

40:26Keyzie:Here's the Black Crows.

40:28Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

40:32Keyzie:The raconteurs there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening, and we have breaking news.

40:44This is breaking news. That's right, fellas. The Enhanced Games have wrapped up over in Las Vegas. It especially built stadium on the strip there. They had events held in swimming, track and weightlifting, as well as a strongman exhibition. What makes this competition different, Jase, is that they're all on the gear. Yeah. You can be on whatever you want. So you can be on your peptides. You can be on your anabolics. You can be on any A class, B class, C class, D class drugs you want. Yes. And you can compete. If you break a world record, you get$1 million US from the organisers. That's great. It's pretty good, isn't it?

41:22You get how much? One million US dollars. Wow. Yeah.

41:27Keyzie:Interesting, fellas. About 15 years ago on a show that I used to do, we had the idea of having the drug games. Right. You know what I mean? We had that idea too.

41:38Mike Minogue:I had that idea. Don't worry about drugs.

41:39Keyzie:Just go hard. Take whatever you want.

41:42Mike Minogue:Whoever's the meanest and fittest wins. 100%. It's just like if these guys want to drug up. Yeah. We discussed it when I was working at Crowd Goes Wild. I think it was after the Lance Armstrong fiasco started. Yeah. Okay, yes. We were talking about it. It's like, why don't you just let him go for it? Well, the argument has always been, well, everybody's on it. Yeah. You know, the argument for Lance Armstrong was, well, everybody else is on it. I'm just the one that got caught. 100%. And there's a certain amount of truth in that.

42:04Keyzie:There is. Obviously, you know, you've got to get your dosages right too, and you've got to be very specific about what you're doing. Like, if you're a sprinter, for example, you don't want, you know, to have a massive doobie probably just before. Because you'll be like, oh. Can't be bothered. I'll just sit here and just chill, actually. But also the lungs. Beautiful day.

42:23Mike Minogue:The lungs, though. Yeah. Coffee. But you could maybe have some gummies or something and then do like a marathon or, you know, something that's pretty chill and just you have to keep going. The trouble with that, Kesey, is another thing as well. Like a lot of people might think they'll get on the cocaine or the crack cocaine, Kesey. That's no good, that stuff. That's illegal, number one, but not in these games. But if you're running in a marathon, every time you go past someone, you might just get to chatting. Yeah, you're right. You get a little bit distracted, you know. You've got to talk to somebody about this new app idea you've got.

42:51Yeah, right.

42:52Mike Minogue:Or a business we should start, man. We should actually start it, though. I'd love to see someone doing Javelin. Yes. But on the mushies. Yes. And freaking out a wee bit. Yeah, throwing it into the crowd.

43:02Keyzie:Oh, my God! That would be... Well, I mean, that must be, you know, because I imagine there'd be pretty big crowds there. Yes. You know what I mean? And, you know, there's every opportunity where you could have a freak out. You know what I mean? Oh, God, this is not good. I'm not, I can't feel my face. Yeah, that's right. That's no good when you're on the ketamine and you're trying to launch a discus. Although there's very limited, one thing I really like about these games, amongst the main thing which I really like about these games, is it all happens over the course of one day. There's only about 20 events.

43:36Right, okay. And then you're done. It's not like the Olympics that drags on for weeks and weeks and weeks or anything like that. One day and then you go to the after party and get smashed a bit. But this is the first one, is it? Is this the first one? First time ever, yes. So for now, it's one day.

43:49Keyzie:Imagine the after party. Oh, it's going to be a big day. I mean, how good is that going to be? There was one guy that won the million dollars, some Dutch fellow with a name I can't pronounce, who broke the world record for the 50-metre freestyle, I mean, freestyle, I believe it was. So he took himself home a cool million dollars. Jeez, how good.

44:10Mike Minogue:What events were there? Like running, swimming? Running, swimming, there was obviously the snatch. Snatch? Yeah. Clean and jerk. What else have we got there? Lots of clean and jerk, actually. Deadlift, that sort of stuff, Keezy. You would have loved it. Yeah. Totally, man. Here's the clash. Good stuff.

44:33Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

44:38Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Monday. You are in fact listening to The Big Show brought to you by Toledo's.

44:47Mike Minogue:That's right, Toledo's natural electrolyte drinks. Can't find us? You should tell your sports club to stock us today.

44:56Keyzie:Toledo's. I'm starving, fellas. I'm a bit blocked up. What are you, Kesey?

45:05Mike Minogue:Like you've got a blocked nose. Oh, nose, yeah. Gross. I just texted my wife and said, what's for din's? And she said, roast red pepper and tomato pasta, but I'm going to have to eat before you and leave. Sorry. That sounds very right. I'm too hungry to wait. That's what I'm having. Yeah. So, Mogey, you're blocked up. A little bit blocked up, man. A little bit blocked up. Don't know what the story is. Not absolutely. It is my honker, Keezy. I've had some issues of late there and there. It's happened every year for the last few years, and it's back again. And what I've decided to do is I'm going to take an approach which is the opposite to the enhanced gains.

45:41I'm not going to take any drugs whatsoever. Drugs is what's gotten me to this point, Kesey. Too much octrovin, too much octrovin plus, too much cold drills, too much panadols.

45:51Mike Minogue:Too much panadols.

45:52Keyzie:I've always been of the opinion. Here we go. Never go to the doctor.

45:56Mike Minogue:Never, ever go to the doctor.

45:58Keyzie:Thy body shall heal itself.

46:01Mike Minogue:Right. And how's that worked out for you?

46:03Keyzie:And my immune system is so powerful. How would you know? Because I've never taken any medication ever in my life. If everyone in the world was sort of to have that measured, Jase, where do you think you would sit? Would you be hoity J, A number one? In terms of? In terms of your body's ability to bounce back. A number one? Yeah, A number one. I thought so. I just wanted to check. I mean, don't get me wrong, fellas. I mean, I have ailments. Oh, yes. Well, yeah, because every day you come in here and there's something else going on. I just say to myself, body heal thyself. Do you? Then what happens?

46:39Keyzie:And it heals slowly and gradually over time.

46:43Mike Minogue:Can I just remind you of the time that you bent down to pick up something and then broke your finger for an entire year? And shat yourself? And then did poos?

46:50Keyzie:It was funny coming back from the comedy gig last night. There was a moment where I thought I had shat myself. Yeah, and what did you say? Because I had all those, you know. Underpants, clean thyself. Do you want to finish the yarn though? Oh, because I'd eaten so many quickies

47:06Mike Minogue:Oh yeah, here's Stoetable Pilots The Hauraki Big Show Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki

47:13Keyzie:Franz Ferdinand there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show This Monday evening The time is 12 minutes past 6 o 'clock Now, fellas, very sad news about the passing Of a New Zealand comedy legend Dame Jules Top and I thought it was kind of fitting actually, Muggie, because Keezy and I and Pugs went to the last laughs last night. So much talent in this country and she and her sister were very much the pioneers along with your John Clarks, et cetera, your Billy T. Jameses. And I look at how it was back then and how it is now. It's completely different. Yeah, one half of the top twins with her sister Linda.

47:54As you say, Linda was played Karen O 'Leary's mum on Wellington Paranormal. Great casting. And as a result of that, we got to meet Jules and just absolutely beautiful people. And I'm amazed by how young she was. She was only 68. Yeah, so was I. She's an absolute part of New Zealand's DNA, an absolute icon, the pair of them together, and really huge in activism, not just incredibly talented. There was the singing, there was the country singing, there was the yodelling, there was all of those things, but it was applying it to activism. So they're a big part of the rainbow, of gay rights, you know, apartheid marches and all those sorts of things back down through the years.

48:32So not afraid to use their art for the right causes. Yes. Which is to be admired, obviously. But then absolutely massive comedy characters when you think of Camp Mother and Camp Leader and Ken and Ken, even musically the things that they were doing. And really amazingly, yesterday they were honoured in Gore the Country Music Honour for contribution to country music in recognition of their longstanding impact on the industry. That was just the day, that was at the Country Music Awards down there in Gore the day before Dame Jules passed away. So a bloody sad day, but jeez, what a contribution.

49:09Keyzie:They are and were magnificent musicians. Absolutely stunning. Really good. Yeah, yeah. That was obviously what brought them into the public consciousness back in the day. incredible singers absolutely stunning musicians and then to have that kind of those comedy chops out the back of that pretty spoiled

49:31Mike Minogue:one of my earliest memories of dating my wife very early doors into our relationship she's from down in Christchurch there I grew up watching The Best of Billy T. James on videotape my nana gave me three videotapes of his I had not experienced much of the Top Twins I recognised Ken and Ken and I recognised Camp Leader and that sort of stuff. My wife now, she was raised on it. She literally goes, hey, we're going to a concert in Ashburton. This is when we were living in Christchurch. She's like, would you like to come with? And I was like, sure, what's the concert? She's like, oh, it's the Top Twins.

50:05Mike Minogue:I was like, okay, who's going? She's like, oh, just me and mum. So it was me and my wife and her mother drove to Ashburton and I experienced the Top Twins the whole way there listening to Untouchable Girls and the same the whole way back. Whenever my wife gets a little bit steam to this day, Untouchable Girls comes on at least two, three, four times.

50:23Keyzie:It's like you and Engelbert.

50:25Mike Minogue:It's very much like me and Engelbert, Humperdick. So a very sad day for my wife as well in particular.

50:30Keyzie:Yeah, well, you know, RIP. And as I said, you know, we went to the comedy gig last night and the comedy industry in this country has never been better. It is blooming. Can I say that, Mogi? Blooming.

50:44Mike Minogue:It is blooming because we watched all the up-and-coming comedians who are up on stage there going for the Billy T. James Award and then you had the guns going for the Fred Award, which is the Fred Dagg Award, which David Correios took out. I saw his show at the Comedy Festival. Absolute, like, I didn't know what was going on. Yeah. And I thought he had just made it up that night and then last night he did a little piece of his show and it was exactly the same. And it's like crafted craziness to make it seem like he's just sort of doing whatever. But a lot of work goes into this stuff. And there are so many good comedians at the moment, eh, Jase?

51:14Mike Minogue:Although you didn't seem to enjoy the show, Jase. I loved it, man. Because you were sitting there not clapping, like, you know, everyone would be clapping along to a song or something, and Jase would have his arms crossed.

51:22Keyzie:You know why, Moggy? Why it may seem like that? Because the whole show, Keezy was back and forth with trays of beer, and it was just like, I'm trying to watch the show, Keezy. For God's sake.

51:36Mike Minogue:You're full of shit, man. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

51:44Keyzie:Rage Against the Machine there on the radio. Hodaki Big Show this Monday evening. The time is 25 past 6 o 'clock now. We've teamed up with the fellas from Hire a Hubby again. We've got a$100 Hire a Hubby voucher to give away, don't we, fellas?

51:58Mike Minogue:That's right. Every single day this week we've got$100 worth of Hire a Hubby vouchers to help you tackle a job you've been putting off around the house. And then at the end of the week, everyone that got in the draw for that$100 voucher are all in the draw for a$500 voucher. How good, man. How good. All of a sudden you can have a big project sorted out. The only way to get yourself in the draw, though, text hubby and the reno job you've been putting off to 3483.

52:18Keyzie:Yeah, I tell you who did do that. That's Damo. Damo, you mad bastard. How's life?

52:23Mike Minogue:Oh, great, haughty Jake.

52:25Keyzie:Good on you, mate. Now tell me, Damo, are you a handyman or are you a shithouse?

52:30Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, I'm pretty handy. I do get a few things done, but, you know, life gets away on you. Yeah, I understand, mate. What job have you got that needs doing, Damo? Oh, I've got about three weatherboards on the side of my house that are splitting and peeling, and they just needed sanding back filler and coated paint on it. Yeah. Paint, man, that'll solve it. My whole house is like that. Totally. Damo, what we'll do, mate, is we'll flick you that$100 hire a hubby voucher, mate, and you're in the draw for$500 as well, all right? Oh, awesome. Thanks, Gizzi. Get on you, mate. Yeah, mate. You hold the line there, Damo.

53:01Mike Minogue:Don't forget, your home deserves better than a botched DIY makeover. Get a hubby to renovate it right. Hit up hire a hubby, fellas. It's good stuff. Hey, guys, just quickly, do we have time for this segment? What's on the news with me, Casey? No. Should I have fired off a sting now? Damn it.

53:27Keyzie:You should have asked us before you did the sting. Hey, fellas, a jet plane heading to Birmingham in Britain

53:33Mike Minogue:from Tenerife in Spain. Oh, yeah. Budget airline. Holiday hotspot. Holiday hotspot. 9 ,000 feet in the air, an announcement comes across, do we have a doctor? Do we have a doctor on board? The flight attendants are looking really worried and the plane is quickly losing altitude. It turns out the pilot had a heart attack. Oh, dear. In mid-air. That's not good, Keezy. It's not good, Keezy, at all. And so the first officer had to land the plane, very inexperienced, but landed it in Portugal nearby and everything was okay. I was just wondering, if we were on board that flight, would we have made a difference?

54:07Where are we on the plane? I wouldn't have been any good as a pilot. I haven't had a heart attack, but I've never flown a plane before, so I'm better than the pilot in that sense. I'm not dead. I don't think he was dead. But still, I'm not very good.

54:18Mike Minogue:I don't know if he was dead. So would you rather a pilot who's had a heart attack or you who's healthy but doesn't know how to fly a plane? I mean, I would rather me. Yeah, right. Because it would be a fun way to go. Oh, right. The absolute nose-dive. Yeah, straight down, straight down. It's the only way you know how to dive, right? Hoody J, what about you, man? What about me? I don't know, man. Would you?

54:46Keyzie:Look, I fancy my chances. Oh, yeah. I mean, never flying a plane before in your life, but you've seen one. I've seen people fly them.

54:53Mike Minogue:This is the guy who's still on his restricted.

54:55Keyzie:And by the way, don't they have, like, automatic pilot? That's right. Chuck it into automatic. Yeah. Go and speak to the first officer. There you go, mate, right? Get into the minibar. Just on that note, actually, what's the first, what do you call them there? First officer. First officer. Wait, I meant a co-pilot. You used to have a co-pilot. Yeah, I think that's a thing now.

55:15Mike Minogue:No, no, it depends on the ranking. So you've got to have a certain amount of hours, I believe, to become like a captain or a full-time pilot. I think you're a pilot. I thought you have to have a pilot and a co-pilot, someone to pilot with you. Well, maybe the co-pilot is like slightly lower rank. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I'm not like a pilot expert. Well, I'm wondering because they're saying, oh, the guy that did land the plane, he was very inexperienced, but he managed to land it. But surely you've got someone on the plane that knows how to land the plane when one of the pilots goes down.

55:42Probably the guy that landed the plane. Yeah, that guy. Seems like the guy. Why you got an experienced guy?

55:47Mike Minogue:What would you do, Keezy? How do you reckon you'd go? I probably just wouldn't get involved. I mean, I don't know how to land a plane. Have a go, man.

55:54Keyzie:Yeah, come on. Back yourself, Keezy. Come on, Keezy.

55:56Mike Minogue:You're the man. You know I struggle to land the plane. Keezy! Keezy! Keezy! Keezy! Hey. What? Yeah, good stuff. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

56:22Mike Minogue:Do you want to?

56:23Keyzie:Hey, Keezy. What? You know how we do the podcast outro, which is like bonus material that we do every single day.

56:32Mike Minogue:Yeah.

56:33Keyzie:Before we start the show, we do a little sort of 10, 15-minute sort of chitty chat.

56:37Mike Minogue:Yeah. What's the clip today that you've sectioned off? Well, Pugs has selected it, and he's titled this one Gaviscon. Yeah. And it comes out at 7.30 tonight, wherever you get your potties from. Get him, get him, get him, get him. You know the ads where you see the cut-through of a person, you know, the diagram of a person, and there's a beating red throbber in the middle of their chest? Yeah. It's pretty they've nailed it. And then a fireman comes with like a white liquid coming out of his hose. That's right, and just sprays it down their throat. Sprays it down the throat.

57:05Keyzie:I suffered through that for so long. A fireman. Yeah, but then I went, God, what a change. Good to be back, fellas. Massive acid in my chest all the time, and then Gaviscon.

57:19Mike Minogue:That one goes into all the cops.

57:22Keyzie:It was a bomb.

57:23Mike Minogue:Get him, get him, get him.

57:26Keyzie:I didn't even hear that chat.

57:28Mike Minogue:You're a filth from already, Jase. I love your thing, Jase, where you just carry on talking. Yes. Your paws.

57:34Keyzie:Well, I mean, because it's just, you guys are so filthy. I feel like I just need to, you know, try and move on from the filth. Yeah. Hey, Maggie. We'll be back tomorrow, I guess. Hey, what are you doing tonight, man? I'm pretty keen for something yummy to eat. Yeah, I'm starving. I'm also at the point where my nasal issues are starting to kick in, so I think an early night might be in order. Yes. And just hopefully I'm going to wake up brand new, fellas. That's my dream. Good stuff. You could hear in that clip there I was a bit nasally, and now I'm a bit nasally again. Yeah. What about you, Keezy?

58:08Keyzie:What are your plans? And what's for tea? Yeah, what's for tea? Yeah, what are you having for tea? What are you having for tea? I'm trying to rise above. Does any kind of normal tea?

58:16Mike Minogue:Yeah. I want to rise above the filth over here. What am I having for tea tonight? Pastor. And then my wife, because I'm on. I've got a new title for your dinner segment, Keezy. What? What's Keezy having for D? No, with me dinner, with me tea, with me Keezy. We're not naming it that. It's just silly. Pasta. That's disappointing. Pasta. And then I'm going to do a quick run through of all the sporting action over the weekend because I'm on a game of two halves this week. Yes. And I need to be sharp. I need to be ready to go. Jase, what are you having tonight, man? You going to have some soup?

58:45Keyzie:Yeah, soup, chorizo soup. Hopefully it'll be very nice with no toast there. Just chilling out, actually. Just chilling out. You've earned it, man. You've earned it. I tell you what. You've done, what, three hours? I've done some heavy lifting today. Have you? Some heavy lifting. What does that mean? Just looking forward to just chilling out and taking it easy. Maybe not talking about this show.

59:07Mike Minogue:Now, listen.

59:08Keyzie:Listen, make sure you check out the Instagram because that's going off at the moment.

59:11Mike Minogue:So good, man.

59:12Keyzie:PugSan's just posted a new video. Also, check out the podcast. Until tomorrow, we'll see you later, eh? Yeah.

59:18Mike Minogue:See ya.

59:22Thank you.