FULL SHOW: Button Mushroom King Keyzie

7:11Mogey:But if they're all sitting together and meeting up anyway and the first person's going to buy five tickets or whatever, they're still going to buy the same amount of stuff.

7:19Jase:If they're buying all of the tickets for other people, that's fine. But if you let people in to the line and then they're individually buying the tickets, that's unacceptable. If you want to do that, you can wait at the back of the line and when you've got your whole group together, then you can join the queue. That's old Mogey's rules for the queue. That's old Hoagie's too, Mogey.

7:38Mogey:I don't have any rules for the queue. You need some rules, man.

7:40Jase:Otherwise society falls apart. And I think that is a good measure of where society sits as you're queuing because it's basic common decency.

7:48Keyzie:I agree with you, absolutely.

7:50Mogey:That's a surprise. 3483, what are your thoughts on it? Or you can give us a call on 0800-HAURAKI, everyone that gets in touch in the draw for a$50 re-burger voucher.

7:58Keyzie:Ah, going to the state-eight!

8:03Mogey:The HAURAKI Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio HAURAKI.

8:08Keyzie:Puddle of mud there on the Radio HAURAKI Big Show. this Thursday afternoon. We're talking about queuing etiquette. We are. I.e. when you're there at the movies queuing up, people poking in front of you, Mogey. Matt's got an opinion on that. G'day, Matt, you mad bastard. How's life?

8:25Jase:G'day, boys. How's it going? Good, thanks, mate.

8:28Keyzie:What's your theory on this, Matt? Let us have it, mate.

8:32Jase:Well, I'm from the Tron, and I've been up in Auckland bloody queuing in this traffic, and I thought, you know what?

8:38Mogey:I'm just going to squirt it up the back and do a bit of side swiping and ride the shoulder and get out of this bloody traffic because it's appalling. It's bloody appalling. Well, to be fair, so this is the – I do this sometimes. Like the left lane's moving the fastest, so you hoon up that, then you pull in towards the end. That's 100 % within the road rules. Yeah. It's just a grey area. Is that what you're talking about, Matt? Yeah, a bit of a late withdrawal back into the lane, you know what I mean? Yeah.

9:06Keyzie:Just on that, that does my head in because I go on the slow lane in the lane I need to be in, and then people zoom past and then try and cut in further down. That's right. That really pisses me off.

9:19Jase:I always wonder, like you'll come down, like sometimes you'll go to a set of lights, and one lane will have 40 cars in it, and then the other one will have two.

9:29Mogey:That's right.

9:30Jase:And I always wonder about those types of people because I am somebody that will go in the lane with two. 100%. And then drive out, and it will automatically become space in the lane of 40 cars and then I will fill that gap. That's right, 100 % legal. I'm not waiting for eight light changes in the lane with 40 people. But most of the world, obviously, because there's 40 in one lane

9:49Mogey:and two in the other, are people that want to follow the rules

9:53Jase:and be backbones, I guess.

9:54Mogey:So, Matt, in that situation, mate, would you be in the lane with two cars or 40? Yeah, good on you, mate. Yeah, you're a backbunner. Yeah, good on you, mate. That's the thing about him.

10:03Keyzie:I think he was a bit freaked out by my rage about that and about what he was doing. But having said that, he does get a re-burger voucher. He certainly does. Because he rang.

10:11Mogey:So in that situation, Jase, I know this is a completely different topic. But it's still queuing. It's still queuing. It is still queuing, yeah. So why don't you just pull out into the lane that's moving and then pull in later?

10:21Keyzie:And I was going to talk about this just coincidentally last week, you know, because I get in the lane that I need to be in and it's a massive queue. This is like going home and the traffic's ready for it. I know the one, yeah. And I get anxiety that I go in the other lane and shoot down the lane a bit and no one's going to let me back in.

10:37Mogey:It's not about being let in, though. You know what I mean?

10:39Jase:There's just a natural gap that occurs.

10:41Mogey:Right.

10:41Jase:There's space.

10:42Mogey:There's space. But then this is an important thing that people in Auckland, to be fair, everywhere else people are usually better. When you indicate and pull in, like, accelerate in, don't break. And, like, people wait and they dawdle and that's what holds up traffic. You've got to indicate it on, wait for a gap, and then pull in there. The douj. And then boom. 100 % legal and you're home faster, Jase.

11:03Keyzie:I'll try that tonight on the way home instead of effing and jeffing in the slow lane.

11:07Jase:If everybody was trying to do what Keezy was talking about, once again, the whole world would have collapsed.

11:12Mogey:That's right, yo. I need the hoity jays of the world to just stay in a big queue. That's right, and let you in. So that I can get home quickly. By the way, coming up shortly, if you entered the competition to name our beer and win flights and accommodation and tickets to the Dunedin Craft Beer and Food Festival, if you did that, make sure you've got your phone on because we're going to be calling the winner soon. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

11:43Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Alison Chains here on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday afternoon, the time 4.38. Now, if you've been paying any kind of attention, you'll know that we've been running a Name Our Beer competition, fellas.

11:55Mogey:That's right. Name Our Beer. Emerson's making a one-off brew to celebrate the Dunedin Craft Beer and Food Festival and also to celebrate the fact that we're going to be down there broadcasting live. We're looking for a name for this particular brew, and if you submitted a name, you went in the draw to win free flights, accommodation, you and a mate, tickets to the gig as well. Which is bloody exciting.

12:13Keyzie:And to the festival, yeah, good times.

12:15Mogey:Great times, Jase. Now, just a little peek behind the curtain here. As you can imagine, the names of the beers that were sent through were, let's just say if they went into production and then they were written on the side of a cans, there'd probably be a lot of complaints. Yeah. For example, just going to look straight away right now at the huge list, are Big Buzzy Jizz, Yellow Wheeze, things like Big Schnoz Keezy and stuff like that, Meat Patty Nips Hazy. That's not too bad. Yeah. But a few legal teams had to look at these bear names.

12:51Jase:Yeah, there was legal teams involved. Now, if it was up to us, God knows what it would be called. But then it would be pulled off shelves, which apparently they don't want to do. so yeah with that in mind 99 % of possible of the entries were ruled out

13:07Mogey:on entry because they were completely filthy

13:09Keyzie:because you were filthy New Zealand

13:12Mogey:that's why to be fair my suggestion of Midnight Steamer was also ruled out because they were like what's that and I was like oh when you do poos at midnight and they were like oh

13:22Jase:and also Tony on all fours looking over his shoulder ruled out so all that But, you know, yeah.

13:30Keyzie:But I tell you what wasn't ruled out, fellas, our winner. G'day, Sarah. How's life?

13:35Jase:Good, thanks, guys.

13:37Mogey:How's it going?

13:37Keyzie:Yeah, very good, thanks. Sarah, what do you do for a crust, incidentally?

13:42Mogey:I'm an architect. Oh! Bad bone. Bad bone. Bloody oath. And, Sarah, whereabouts are your base, mate? Auckland. West Auckland, I think. Wow. Oh, yeah, west is best, Sarah. West is best. Good stuff. All right, Sarah, do you want to unveil the... the 100 % PG new name of the Big Show beer?

14:05Keyzie:Well, I need to remember what I put in,

14:07Mogey:but I'm pretty sure it involved something to do with the Big Show Dadoosh. Yeah, Dadoosh. Yeah, very nice, very nice. That's good because it does sort of fit in with our show. No one's talking about people's downstairs or poos or anything like that. Yeah, that's good from you.

14:25Keyzie:It was tasteful, Sarah. Tasteful. Oh, thank you. Well done. Tell me, have you ever been to Dunedin before for the festival?

14:32Mogey:No, I haven't, no.

14:33Keyzie:And who are you going to take with you?

14:36Mogey:Hopefully my partner.

14:38Keyzie:Yeah, we'll get some time off. Make a steamy weekend of it, Sarah.

14:42Mogey:Hopefully, hopefully.

14:44Keyzie:Yeah, good stuff. Hey, well, congratulations. You enjoyed that trip. We'll chuck you back to Big Deli and Studio B, OK? Yeah, awesome. Thanks, guys. See you there, mate. There you go, eh?

14:55Mogey:Bloody exciting. The Big Dadooosh. I'll be getting around it. Yeah, man. We'll be pouring plenty of it.

15:01Keyzie:You don't care what it's called, do you, Keezy? You'll be sucking hard. Well, I mean, I won't be sucking hard

15:06Mogey:if it was called half of the things that people tried to name it. Definitely not. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

15:15Keyzie:Faith No More there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday afternoon. The time is 4.48. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

15:29Keyzie:Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Oh, yes.

15:37Jase:Hi, guys. Hi. Last night I went and saw the movie Premiere as well. Did you suit up, by the way? No, no, it wasn't. Just clas. It was sort of like, they call it a premiere, but it's for any old scumbag. Yeah, yeah. Tron Aries is the name of the film. You'll remember Tron from the early 80s starring Jeff Bridges, a man who goes inside his own computer program something so it's about that and also about AI so two competing companies are trying to establish the ability to create on the one hand one company is trying to create food the other company is trying to create soldiers out of nothing essentially which is AI and both of them can get them to live for up to 29 minutes but after that they die so they need to find this permanence code which lives inside this video game, all right?

16:28Jase:Right, okay. There's your set up. And it's got old mate in it, Jared Leto. How hot, how hot. I don't find him hot, but yeah. Yeah, I mean, I would. And it's, the first half an hour is a bit weird. The music is by Trent Reznor. The music's by Nine Inch Nails. Nine Inch Nails, of course, led by Trent Reznor and he's been doing lots of work with David Fincher, lots of soundtracks, won an Academy Award for one of them. And it's a bit full on for my liking. It's bloody loud in an IMAX, eh? IMAXes are super, super loud. I find movie theatres very loud. The older I get, the louder they get. I don't know.

17:05Jase:Maybe it's just me, am I right?

17:07Mogey:Yeah, totally relatable.

17:08Jase:A very sensitive hearing. The first 20 or 30 minutes are a bit weird. Then it finds a sense of humour and it gets much, much better. It's only two hours long. It's not two hours 20 or 30 or 40, so that's great. Two hours. One hour 59, actually. It's moderately funny. The world building is awesome. The effects are awesome. It looks incredible. I give it three buzzies out of a possible five. I stayed and I watched the whole thing.

17:34Keyzie:Great stuff, mate.

17:34Jase:There you go.

17:36Keyzie:I'll spear you what I watched last night. It was called Rebecca. And what was she doing? Well, I guess I'd say I'll spear you the details. Thanks, man. Appreciate that. What did you watch, Keezy?

17:47Mogey:What kind of movie is it?

17:48Keyzie:Well, it's a thriller.

17:49Mogey:Right, okay. Is that it?

17:52Keyzie:Well, as I said, I'll spare you the details. I can't be bothered.

17:58Mogey:Right, okay. Last night I watched, for the first time, season two of this British comedy that I've been watching on TVNZ Plus called Here We Go. Usually when shows go from one season to the next, the cast all looks completely different. The kids are slightly older and blah, blah, blah. But sometimes the writing can fall off from season to season. You notice a real change. Happy to report season two. first episode was very, very, very funny. Same as season one of Here We Go, TVNZ Plus. If you like British comedy, it's just stupid, but it's really well written and stuff. Check it out.

18:30Jase:Okay, then.

18:31Mogey:Fine. I'll give it 3.95 buzies. Wow. Okay, not bad. That's pretty good.

18:37Keyzie:That's getting up there. Thanks, man. Suri, what's it called? Here we go. Here we go. Can you remind me tonight, Suri? Ah, here we go because Keezy likes it.

18:49Mogey:The Horaki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in. Weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

18:55Keyzie:You're welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Thursday. She's gloomy out there, isn't she, fellas? It's very dark and foreboding at the moment.

19:02Mogey:Certainly where we are.

19:04Keyzie:Yeah, certainly where we are in Auckland City Central. There's a whole country out there tuned in, man. Yeah, I know. Listen to what the weather's... Is it gloomy where you are? New Zealand, Texas. 3483. In the meantime, this is The Big Show. Brought to you by Ree Burger.

19:19Mogey:Handcrafted burgers. loaded fries and gourmet eggs. That will change the game.

19:31Mogey:What the heck? I was dreaming about Reburger again. Oh, my God. It was so crave-worthy, but it was gourmet and it was street food. Yum!

19:44Jase:He was in a deep sleep, that guy. Yeah.

19:49Mogey:Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always how you can tell, eh? Yeah, yeah.

19:52Jase:How did you guys sleep last night? Great. Really great. I'm in a great place at the moment. Thanks, Chase.

19:57Keyzie:I'm getting this really burny, burny in my stomach when I sleep. Sounds like it's not good.

20:04Mogey:Hang on, you've got burny, burny stomach.

20:06Keyzie:I shouldn't say that and stuff like that in front of Moggy.

20:09Mogey:Well, the problem is you say it daily. There's always something.

20:12Jase:Every time. Eventually, I'm going to be right. Yeah, eventually you are, yes.

20:16Mogey:Like you were saying, you've got a weird shooting pain in the back of your head. and Samogi says, obviously, it's an aneurysm.

20:20Jase:Yeah, it's a slow-moving aneurysm. And that's true. And it could strike at any time.

20:24Mogey:Any time, Jase. But the problem is, you just say it so often every day, there's a new plethora of issues. Yes.

20:30Keyzie:Well, I told you about my bloody ankle that woke me up at 1 o 'clock in the morning the other day. I was hopping around the house in me undies, Joseph and Jeff and going, I mean, come on, man. Why is my ankle hurting at 1 o 'clock in the morning? I haven't done anything.

20:45Jase:What do you reckon that is? Oh, yeah, it sounds like the big C again.

20:54Keyzie:Just as well I'm a fit bastard. Oh, you're a backbone.

20:58Jase:Look, you can say what you like about Hoodie Jizzbot, but he's not a complainer. Nah, totally, man.

21:03Mogey:He just shuts up and gets on with it. Exactly. Speaking of, huge hour coming up, fellas. Don't forget to keep an ear out for the old roar of the crowd. You can win your share of 10K thanks to Super Liquor. Like 5K. Wow, I mean, your share. Well, no, we've got a whole heap of$250 prizes to give away. Yes.

21:18Keyzie:Oh, okay, so you could win$250.

21:20Mogey:Yeah, to go to your next gig.

21:22Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. It's just a share of. I thought it could be like$7 ,000 or$8 ,000. Yeah, yeah. Which would be a share of.

21:29Mogey:I was going to make a joke just then about... I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.

21:35Keyzie:Oh, come on, Keezy. Do it, man. Pull the trigger. Nah, man. Trust yourself. Back yourself here. You can do it. You can do it, man.

21:43Mogey:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki.

21:47Keyzie:Audio Slave there on the Radio Hauraki big show this Thursday evening. Fellas, I'll be honest with you, I'm a bit stiff at the moment. As you know, I've been doing some back-breaking work around my property. Good news, by the way, the tradies are over today, ripping up the old deck there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so it's good to have some real men about the place for a start. You know what I'm saying?

22:12Jase:You're walking around the joint shaking that ass.

22:14Keyzie:Yeah, shaking my ass and my little daisy jukes.

22:17Mogey:How many men have you got over? Two. Two blokes coming over, ripping up your dick. Yeah, ripping up my dick there.

22:22Jase:Tearing your dick apart.

22:25Keyzie:Also, I've been telling you, you know, around our deck there was all this bush.

22:29Mogey:It goes without saying.

22:31Keyzie:And all this sort of vegetation. Yeah, overgrown. And it was massively overgrown. And it was a disgrace to me, to my family and everyone that knows me. And we'd reached that point with it where we'd just gone, oh. Look, after 27 years, I've had enough. Yeah, exactly. She's too, have you heard the phrase, she's too far gone?

22:54Mogey:Oh, yes, but it's just, it's too far gone or, yeah, not usually she. Hoity J is too far gone. It's too far gone.

23:00Keyzie:But anyway, my wife and I decided to be backbones about it, so we've been ripping stuff up. We've been clearing all that sort of bank of all the vegetation and weeds and waste. But we've reached a stage now, because we've chopped everything back, where we've got tree stumps everywhere. And because we have these massive weeds, like weed stumps. Right, so they're not even trees. No, some of them are like trees. Have you heard of privet? Yeah. It's a bastard of a thing. And I don't know if you guys know this, but these stumps and tree stumps have like a root system. They do. You know, it's like a...

23:37Keyzie:Like a plant. As Prebs was saying to me, hoity J, it's like there's a whole other tree underneath the earth.

23:44Mogey:Is that what he said?

23:45Keyzie:Yeah, that's what he said. And so we've got all these stumps everywhere. So I spent all today like back-breaking work trying to remove these stumps from the ground. And my next-door neighbour actually saw me the other day trying to do that. And he said, oh, Jase, I've got this massive metal bar that you can stick in next to the stump and you just sort of, you know. It's a food bar. It's like a lever bar. They're called foobars. I can barely lift the bar, said, and that's not a lie. I can barely lift it.

24:15Mogey:You're right.

24:16Keyzie:So I'm effing and jeffing, you know, and you get it a little way out and then there's another root system that's there. I mean, tell me one job in the world, right, name me one job that's worse than trying to remove tree stumps. Teacher.

24:34Mogey:Undertaker.

24:35Jase:Oh, that'll be all right. Port-a-loo cleaner. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't want to be Charlie Gubb.

24:41Mogey:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, working for Charlie.

24:43Jase:Does he actually clean the Port-a-loos, though?

24:45Mogey:Someone does, yeah.

24:46Keyzie:Right, but I wouldn't imagine Charlie would. Someone does that. Yeah.

24:49Jase:You wouldn't want to be a log breaker at a turd stirring plant. I did a summer of that. In Australia. You're saying it was like 48 degrees. Hot as a bastard it was there, and it reeked.

24:59Mogey:Yeah, well, just in the same vein. Septic tank cleaner. Oh, yeah. If your septic tank's full, they've got to clear it out. You get in there, you've got to clean it out. Someone's got to climb in it.

25:09Jase:Working at a checkout. Stacking shelves at a supermarket.

25:14Mogey:Anorectal specialist, which is someone who only does the rectum area.

25:17Jase:Their specialty area is the anus. Thanks, Mogey. There's nothing they don't know about the anal column.

25:23Mogey:That's right. I didn't even know it was a column, for example. Oh, it's a column.

25:26Jase:It's a sphincter.

25:27Keyzie:I would assume if you were doing that kind of job, A, you'd be well paid and you love an anus.

25:32Mogey:Yeah, well, okay. What about the lady who lasers Mogey's balls?

25:36Jase:No two lasers are the same. Anuses are the same.

25:39Keyzie:Look, if I had the chance to laser, if I had the chance to laser Mogi's balls, I'd be stoked and doing it for free. On that note, Keezy, they're queuing up.

25:48Mogey:Right, okay. Queuing up. Being Jase's agent, being on the Hodaki Breakfast Show, being married to Jase. I mean, the list is pretty extensive.

26:03Mogey:3483, if you've got any ideas, New Zealand, in the draw for a$50 Reeburger voucher. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

26:12Keyzie:Talking heads down the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday afternoon. 25 minutes past five o 'clock, feels.

26:18Jase:Just spotting on the text machine some of the ideas for the worst jobs in the world that are coming through. There's some good stuff there, fellas. Don't know if we can read it out, but anyway, some good stuff keeping coming. Hey, I had an audition today. Wow. And I haven't been doing auditions because I've got an agency now like you, Jase. I've gone into competition with you. So I don't do any acting anymore unless I get an offer. So I don't get it.

26:40Mogey:And for people that don't understand, like an offer straight away, like we want you specifically.

26:45Jase:Somebody says, I want you to do this job, then I'll do it. And I will always do it. Whereas normally you have to audition with a whole bunch of other people, but I've got an agency. So if you were on the books, Kesey, I don't want to compete with you, man, even though you're in a slightly different age bracket to me.

26:59Mogey:Totally, yes, slightly different. And also I wouldn't be on your books because it's a weird conflict of interest.

27:03Jase:It would be weird. I mean, you're already on Jace's books. You couldn't be on my books as well. And there's a massive disparity of ability as well. Oh, there absolutely is. And experience. Yeah, there is. But in this case, I got asked specifically to audition. So I thought, okay, well, I will, because it had already been through everyone else. And so I auditioned. Did the audition yesterday or the day before with Pugson, but it was for a voice. It's the voice for a brand sort of thing.

27:24Mogey:Oh, wow. That's a good gig if you get it.

27:26Jase:If you get it. And so I did the audition. Very happy with the audition because I don't care. And if you don't care, you can go very well.

27:33Keyzie:Absolutely.

27:34Jase:So that was absolutely how I felt. So the audition, they wanted me to video it for some reason, so I videoed it and sent it off, got a call back. So today I had to have a Zoom with the director who's based in LA and the casting agent who is somewhere else, don't know where. So anyway, did that. There's only about six words in the audition. And I figured because I'd done the audition a certain way that that's the voice that they would want to hear. So, you know, you sort of read it, you go, okay, this, and then based on that. Anyway, that's not really what they wanted to hear. They wanted to hear some other options.

28:11Well, sadly, I don't have any other options.

28:15Mogey:Old Mogi's got one gear.

28:16Jase:And I kind of had a vibe for it because she said to me, the casting director said, oh, so you're really good at voices? And I said, yep, really good at voices. I said, especially if you're looking for a voice that sounds exactly like mine or maybe slightly different than mine. If that's what you're looking for, you've come to the right guy because that's all I've got. Yeah. And then she laughed and I laughed, but she didn't know that I was being completely serious. And then we went through it and I was getting notes. She was giving me notes. And my thing of not caring and everything going, like I could pretty much just win this.

28:52Jase:I'll just talk them around. Just give me the job, man. We'll get in the booth. We'll work it out on the day. It'll be a beauty. Well, before you know it, that old familiar feeling. My face is heating up. My ears are heating up. And she continues to give me direction. And I'm continuing to just give her what I know as I start making the noises is exactly the same thing about six or seven or eight times over. Yes. And because she was American, she's like, well, I don't really know New Zealand accents. I just want to make sure that it's really Kiwi. I was like, you know, not too Kiwi, but Kiwi. I was like, okay.

29:27Jase:And then I'm doing it again. I'm like, this is the same. Wow. And now just do it brighter. Just do it brighter, a bit brighter, lighter. And again.

29:37Mogey:Same.

29:38Jase:Exactly the same to the point where the neck, I finished and she said, okay, and now let's try it brighter, lighter. So it was the same direction. Wow. Yeah.

29:48Keyzie:Take my direction and this time do it exactly as I said to do it.

29:52Jase:And actually listen to it and then do it. So yeah, I've sort of forgotten how horrendous they can be. Humiliating. Humiliating. Thanks, Jase.

30:00Mogey:So lighter and brighter, right? So let's say the line was, listen to the big show, right? Yeah. Lighter and brighter. Is that like, listen to the big show?

30:08Jase:Listen to the big show. Just throw it away. Listen to the big show. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but lighter than that, Jase.

30:12Mogey:And I couldn't like, well, I can't.

30:13Keyzie:I've got massive balls, so my voice is just how it is.

30:16Jase:Yeah, throw it away. It's no big deal, all of these sorts of things. And it's like, look, this is what.

30:23Mogey:This is me. This is old bogey. This is what I do, man.

30:26Jase:You either want this or you don't. So anyway, I rang my agent.

30:30Mogey:Yeah.

30:31Jase:And I just said, it was me.

30:32Mogey:Yeah.

30:33Jase:And I said, look, it's probably not going to go any further than that. And then my actual agent said, oh, no, she said you were really good. It's like, well.

30:41Mogey:Did she actually say that?

30:42Jase:Well, no, that's what she said. Right. So she's either been kind or she's got terrible taste.

30:48Mogey:Yeah.

30:49Jase:And I'm open to being given the job incorrectly. with bad casting. I'm 100 % open to that.

30:56Mogey:So you've been saying that you haven't been acting in much because you've been saying no.

30:59Jase:I've been saying no, but now, yeah. I don't think I'll be hearing from them again.

31:05Mogey:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Hey, fellas, we've got some egg chat. Great.

31:13Jase:Egg chat with the fellas.

31:23Mogey:If you don't know about egg chat on the big show, basically I've been getting really into my eggs lately and every now and then I just do a bit of a chat about it.

31:36Mogey:So the other day, it was actually last night, hence why I sent through the group chat last night, hey, egg chat, I made my wife an omelette, right, because we weren't that hungry and she just wanted an omelette. Yeah.

31:52Mogey:In the omelette, three eggs, only two yolks. Got to get rid of one of the yolks for some reason. Don't know why. Maybe it's like less cholesterol. I have no idea.

32:01Jase:Never heard of that. Wasting good food, Keezy. That's not a good look, mate. Got old money bags, Keezy. Not in this day and age, mate. Shocking.

32:12Mogey:Yeah, you're right, actually. That is a waste of money.

32:13Keyzie:That is shocking, mate. Well, you didn't just chuck it away, did you?

32:16Mogey:Nah.

32:20Mogey:No, yeah, I did. Anyway, that's how she likes it. And I've basically figured out, long and short of it is, after eating the omelette, she called me her little mushroom, her little omelette king. Her little mushroom king? No, not her little mushroom king. Her little mushroom. That was a very interesting slip of the tongue there.

32:46Jase:A little button mushroom king.

32:49Keyzie:You're my little button mushroom king, Keezy.

32:52Mogey:Button mushroom king, Keezy is not going to become a thing on the show.

33:00Mogey:She said I was her omelette king, right, because I made the perfect omelette. She said it was like just cooked.

33:07Jase:Right.

33:08Mogey:Nice and sort of fluffy and silky smooth in the centre. It had mushrooms in it, hence why I was going to say mushrooms. A little bit of cheese, some spinach wilted in there. Yeah. Onions and capsicum. She said it was the best omelette she's ever had and then called me her omelette king. Her omelette king.

33:25Jase:Are we going to have to... What is the point of this chat?

33:29Mogey:What do you mean? It's egg chat.

33:35Jase:So what? Do we need to get a Hey Keezy, a number one best in the world sting made up for you? No, no. Because this is just you patting yourself on the back, ringing your own bell, sucking your own shell.

33:47Keyzie:What is this? We're humble people on this show, Kesey.

33:53Mogey:Oh, yeah, I guess it is. I mean, I was just really proud because I only learned to make omelettes like a couple of months ago.

33:58Keyzie:Yeah, pride stays on the inside, man. You don't share it. Can I ask a serious question? Can I ask a serious question?

34:04Mogey:Is it egg-related?

34:05Keyzie:No. Okay. Is what really happened... Yeah. You're in the boudoir.

34:14Mogey:I wasn't in the boudoir.

34:16Keyzie:and you're walking towards your wife who's in bed, naked.

34:22Mogey:Why is she naked?

34:23Keyzie:Well, I mean, she might not be. No, sorry, you're naked. Oh, okay. And as you're walking towards her naked, she says, there you are, my little button mushroom king.

34:37Mogey:Yeah, Jase, that's right. I knew it. That's why I brought up Egg Chat. Because button mushroom king Keezy.

34:44Jase:It's a new nickname.

34:45Mogey:I'm looking to get off the ground.

34:46Jase:Well, let's have a look at the text. Yep, come through already.

34:50Mogey:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. You guys ready to run? The Radio Hauraki Giga Little Fund is open. We will, we will fund you.

35:06Keyzie:Yeah, well, the reality is we're getting into gig season, fellas. Spring and summer on the way. With that in mind, we've got some cash to give away. Let's go to... Yes, Keezy? No.

35:16Mogey:No, you're all good.

35:17Keyzie:Go to the lines. It's good from you, man. Thanks, man. G'day, Andrew, you massive backbone. How's life?

35:23Mogey:How are you, lad? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. Yeah, good, thanks.

35:26Jase:What do you do for a crust, sicko?

35:29Mogey:I'm into a little bit of pastoral services. Who?

35:33Jase:Sorry? Pastoral services. Oh, backbone! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

35:39Keyzie:When you say pastoral services, do you mean like distributing poos and stuff? Yeah, seeds and watering plants and stuff like that.

35:50Jase:Yeah, good.

35:52Keyzie:Might have a chat to you offline, actually, there, Andrew. Got a few seeds I need. Now, listen, mate, what gig do you want to go and see?

36:00Jase:I'd love to go see Dave Dolbin and Jimmy Carr, both in Dunedin.

36:05Mogey:Shout out to Jimmy Carr, by the way, whenever he comes on tour. He goes to so many locations. He does. Which is awesome.

36:12Keyzie:And it's interesting, is that two in a row we've had for old Sir Dave Dobbin? Sir Dave Dobbin, that's right, yeah. Well, he is an icon, isn't he? He's a New Zealand legend.

36:21Mogey:He is. Andrew, good news is, mate, you've got$250 thanks to Super Liquor. Thank you. Yeah, no worries.

36:30Keyzie:Good stuff, mate. You enjoy that, Andrew. Give us a text and tell us how the gig was.

36:35Jase:Don't call us on that phone you've got running there.

36:37Keyzie:Yeah, it's pretty sexy. Sounds pretty windy there, Andrew.

36:41Mogey:Where was he? Oamaru. Oamaru. What do they say about Oamaru, Jase? Oh, no. No, neither. Oh. More chances to win, by the way. We've got plenty more cash. Cheers. What?

36:53Keyzie:No, carry on.

36:55Mogey:Cheers to gigs. Cheers to Super Liquor. Cheers to that.

36:57Keyzie:That's not the one with the big carrot, eh?

36:59Mogey:Ah, no, that's Ohakune.

37:01Keyzie:Oh, okay.

37:02Mogey:Yeah.

37:06Mogey:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

37:11Keyzie:Welcome back, your massive backbones. How's your Thursday going? Well, I hope. You're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Reburger.

37:18Mogey:Serving good times and good food. Dine-in or takeaway Reburger today. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

37:25Keyzie:Yeah, man. Yum. Sorry. I'm actually feeling like a bit of Reburger.

37:39Keyzie:I'm actually feeling like a bit of Reburger.

37:43Mogey:I am so sorry, man. We're just way out of sync right now.

37:47Keyzie:Is that one of those things where your finger slips, Keezy?

37:50Mogey:No, what happens is I panic because we're quiet. Oh. So I fire one off. Yeah. But obviously you... You what? I fire one off. One of the Reburgers sticks. And then obviously, you know, you go do the same thing. It's just a class anyway. What were you saying? Just on the...

38:06Keyzie:Just on the firing off, though. This just happened to me about half an hour ago. because I had to go wheeze, and I went into the cubicle there, and there was another guy that came in after me, and he was using one of the little wall urinals. Right. Just whipping ass. Yeah. I mean, I love that. I mean, seriously.

38:24Jase:Where's he meant to do it? If he can't do it, I'm assuming he can't do it outside of the bathroom. Where's he meant to go?

38:29Keyzie:Well, look, there were three of us, and you don't just whip ass. Do you not? I don't think so. If that was me, I'd do my wheeze, then I'd go outside and pretend I was looking at my tomatoes.

38:43Mogey:But your tomatoes aren't here. We're at work.

38:45Keyzie:Well, I'd go outside and then I'd rip ass and just let it waft away with the breeze. I wouldn't do it in the toilet when there's two people really close to you. You know what I mean?

38:55Jase:Yeah, I mean, I hear you.

38:56Mogey:I admire that person.

38:58Jase:Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't do it either, but I can see his thinking. Like, it's the bathroom.

39:02Mogey:Like, he just didn't care. Well, it's the bathroom.

39:05Jase:Yeah, it's the place we do it. It's where you do farts and poos in that. I mean, I know what you're saying. Don't get me wrong. You wouldn't find me doing it. And I would think it was funny if someone else was doing it.

39:16Keyzie:I just found it gross. You should have said, oh, gross. Did you get his number?

39:19Jase:Yeah, I did.

39:25Keyzie:Yum.

39:28Mogey:Yum. 3483, by the way, if you need anything. Also if you would like to win Courtside tickets to go watch the Breakers play this weekend, it's happening Sunday night, text the word bench to 3483 and you go in the draw for you and three mates to sit courtside to watch the Melbourne Phoenix. How good? Yeah man, it's the backbone bench. Yum! The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

40:00Keyzie:REM there on the radio. Hauraki, big show this Thursday evening. Fellas, I'm a little bit tired because I, as I said, I had a terrible sleep last night. It wasn't helped by the fact that at midnight I got a call on my old cell phone there, which I keep beside the bed. Your burner phone, your old one, your old cell phone. No, it was just my cell phone. Your cellular phone. Yeah, just sitting there on my bed there and I was... You know, and being a father of four daughters, you know, I went, oh, God, I always freak out about that sort of stuff, so I answered it. And you can imagine my surprise when old Keezy's wife started talking.

40:39Keyzie:Now, she was absolutely blubbing. She was really upset. What time was this? Midnight. It was midnight, and you were fast asleep, Keezy. Well, no, he was probably.

40:52Mogey:What? You can't just do facial. You have to say we're on the radio. I can't say it on the radio.

40:59Keyzie:Yeah, no, he was actually fast asleep, Mogi, because I could hear his massive snozz hacking away at the ear. How could she can sleep with that? I don't know. Well, she couldn't. Well, she couldn't.

41:09Mogey:My snozz hacks away at the ear. You know. What did that even mean?

41:13Keyzie:Just snoring, Keezy. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Righto. It's like a chainsaw. A trainsaw. You heard of that? And anyway, she said to me, she says, well, she was really upset, because I don't know if you guys remember this. I asked to borrow Keezy's water blaster. And he was like, yeah, man, that's all G. And then he went home that night and he mentioned it to his wife and she said, no, I don't actually want Hoity J to borrow it. And I'm going to be honest, when Keezy told me that, I was pretty hurt. Really? Well, we talk all the time on the phone and, you know, I help her sort of, you know, dealing with Keezy and, you know, how to best manage him and all that sort of stuff because she gets quite emotional.

41:54Keyzie:I didn't know you did that. She gets a bit lost sometimes, and I just help her through it.

41:58Jase:Who's got a her of a temper on him?

41:59Keyzie:Oh, he does. On me. So that's why it was particularly painful that she said no to me using it, because I've helped her out a lot. But anyway, she said, look, Hoity J, old jizz bot, she said.

42:15Mogey:Did she say that? Yeah.

42:17Keyzie:Look, I feel really bad about the whole water spraying thing.

42:21Mogey:She called it a water sprayer. What's it called again?

42:24Keyzie:A water blaster. A water blaster. Yeah, right. And I've had to think about it, and I've changed my mind. Of course you can borrow it. Oh.

42:30Mogey:Okay, weird.

42:31Keyzie:Of course you can borrow it. I don't even know why I said no. It's just that, you know, we've let things to other people, and they never come back.

42:39Jase:But she must know that you're not like that. It feels like she's lying. What's she hiding? I don't know, man.

42:44Mogey:What do you mean she's lying? What? So she said that because this morning she literally pulled me aside. Right. Because I was, like, over there.

42:51Jase:And she pulled you.

42:52Mogey:And she pulled me in aside. and she just said, hey, Keezy, take a knee, take a knee. And she said, I was talking to an old jizz bot last night.

42:59Jase:Yeah.

43:00Mogey:While you were hacking away. On a cell phone. On a cellular phone while you were hacking away at the night air with your schnoss. And I was like, oh, that's a weird way to put it. And she said, I've decided to let him borrow the water blaster, but we may as well borrow something off him because we need a few things at the moment. And that way we know that, not like a hostage situation, but. Bartering. If you, yeah. Yeah, it's a transaction, right? Like you're not just taking our water blaster. we'll take something off you and then we'll swap once we finish with it is that all good? and I was like yeah that's fine and so I said I'll run it past 40J so what do you reckon?

43:30Keyzie:Sure man

43:31Mogey:it's good timing because I literally this weekend was going to go buy a power drill my power drill absolutely shat itself, been using it a lot have you got one? Yes. Can I borrow it? No right well I feel like that's quite an even trade. I don't right well we've got a list I've got a shopping list of stuff I was going to buy here. Do you have a wheelbarrow? Yes. Can I borrow that? No.

43:59Mogey:Our blender broke. Mm-hmm. We're making banana smoothies, and we freeze little bits of banana so that they're cold. Oh, that buggers them. Yeah, it broke it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

44:09Keyzie:Can we borrow yours? And you think... No, no, no. And you think when you've got that sort of maniacal behaviour going on that I'm going to let you borrow mine?

44:17Mogey:It's not maniacal. It's just frozen nanas. It's not... Okay.

44:21Keyzie:She breaks them up into little bits, doesn't she?

44:23Mogey:Yeah, then freezes them so they're good to go.

44:25Jase:She thought that was a good idea. It turns out it was a shocking idea. Yeah.

44:28Mogey:Because it broke your blender. She said a shocker there.

44:30Jase:Yeah, yeah.

44:31Mogey:Okay. Can I... Shovel snapped.

44:34Jase:Your shovel?

44:35Mogey:Yeah. Can I use your shovel? No.

44:40Mogey:Can I bum a dart off you? You got a deal, mate. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

44:48Keyzie:Sting Temple Pilots here on the Radio Hauraki. big show this Thursday evening. Now, fellas, thanks to our good mates at Diamonds on Richmond. We've got an$8 ,000 engagement ring to give away. But before we get to that, I've got a question I need to ask you, and I want you to take it seriously, please. As you know, I didn't buy my wife an engagement ring. And now I'm thinking, you know, because I was broke and we were raising 50 kids. Now that I'm loaded, Yeah. Should I buy her one now? Is it too late?

45:26Jase:It's too late, yeah.

45:28Mogey:Thank God for that. No, because I'm the opposite opinion. I think you definitely should.

45:32Jase:Not an engagement ring. Other jewellery, yes. Right. But not an engagement ring.

45:36Keyzie:Okay, yeah, because we're not engaged, are we? The time has gone and passed. That's right. So it's something like a beautiful diamond brooch or something like that.

45:46Jase:Yeah, every woman under the age of 100 wants a brooch.

45:51Keyzie:Yeah.

45:53Jase:Yeah, but it's got diamonds in it, Moggy. The brooch part's the issue, Jason. Oh, right. I would go with bracelet. You can still do a diamond ring. Yes. Just not an engagement ring. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, okay.

46:03Mogey:You could do something slightly alternative, like a toe ring. Oh, yes. You have a toe ring?

46:09Jase:What about a nipple ring?

46:10Mogey:Or a nipple ring.

46:13Keyzie:Okay, let's get to the competition, shall we, fellas?

46:15Mogey:Fine, we took it seriously. Yeah, I'm not buying my wife a nipple ring.

46:19Keyzie:All right?

46:20Mogey:All right, fine.

46:20Keyzie:Okay.

46:21Mogey:Well, I know that she'll be gutted to hear that. If you head to hodaki.co.nz and sign yourself up there, you can go on the draw to win that$8 ,000 diamond engagement ring thanks to Diamonds on Richmond, and also just by getting in the draw, we'll send you out a hodaki nudge pad, which is a special knee pad designed to make you basically, you know, send the message and drop the old one knee. Plus, if you just have a sore knee at the moment, you get a free little knee brace there. That's true. So that's a good way to go down as well.

46:46Keyzie:Well, I actually did see them out there in the office. I've just arrived. They look bloody great. I might steal a couple from a volleyball when I'm doing a social volleyball team. Yeah, that's a good idea. You should. Oh, wow.

46:55Mogey:How many players on a volleyball team? Five.

46:59Keyzie:So close.

47:00Mogey:Is it? No. What is it?

47:02Keyzie:Six.

47:02Mogey:It is six, eh?

47:03Keyzie:Yeah, but it's a social team, so we only have five. Oh, okay.

47:07Mogey:By the way, if you head into Diamonds on Richmond, they will look after you if you're planning on purchasing a ring, especially for an engagement. and if you do it and say Radio Hauraki sent you, this October they'll give you a complimentary pair of diamond earrings with every engagement ring purchased. There you go, Jase.

47:22Jase:That will speak to the cheap bastard, innit?

47:25Keyzie:Yeah, I tell you what, actually, that does speak to me. So if I buy a ring, I get some free earrings?

47:30Mogey:A diamond engagement ring, yeah. Oh. The Hauraki Beat Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

47:48Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's the big show done and dusted. I've got over for Thursday, fellas. I'm always glad to get Thursday out of the way. I don't know why it's my hump day. Call me a mad bastard. Friday tomorrow.

48:01Mogey:It means to be nice weather as well.

48:03Jase:Yeah, nice. What are we going to do for the throbber thing? Damn it. We'll think of something tomorrow. Don't worry about it. It's a spirit. Yeah.

48:11Mogey:We can put a little bit of thought into it if you want.

48:14Keyzie:No, we don't have to. We can just do another wild card if you want.

48:16Mogey:God, you are fully out, aren't you? You hate the thrower, eh? Yeah. He's winning, man. What are you talking about? Exactly.

48:24Keyzie:He's the champ. Yeah. Hey, now listen to the podcast outro today. What have we got, Keezy? What's the clip?

48:29Mogey:What if they clip off? They clipped off a little clip here called Lights Out. Can't remember at all what it's about. Oh, you know, I know. Get him, get him, get him.

48:39Keyzie:And then just... What?

48:45Jase:Lights out. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, but you'd probably be a vegetable, I reckon, for a while. You know, like your mouth ajar and just drool coming out. Someone having to wipe you down.

48:56Mogey:We're still wheel you into the studio, Jason. You'll still be able to go...

49:00Jase:Hoodie dribble. And all you can say is... Oh, well, yeah. My love.

49:06Keyzie:My love.

49:08Jase:Back bone.

49:09Keyzie:That was my chat about getting stabbing pains in my head. Yeah, we think it's an aneurysm. And Mogi has always filled me with joy with suggesting I was on the brink of an aneurysm.

49:20Jase:Well, I think it's the only way to deal with it, isn't it? Because as you say, Casey, every day Jason's got some other affliction.

49:26Mogey:It's not just that, too. It's just a complete inability to go to the doctor ever. Yeah. So now I'm just like, yeah, it's probably an aneurysm.

49:33Keyzie:Mm-hmm.

49:34Mogey:Yeah. You go, I'll drive you to the doctor.

49:38Keyzie:Okay.

49:38Mogey:Really? Yeah.

49:41Keyzie:Hey, now listen, make sure you check out the Instagram. Oh, actually, don't check out the Instagram at the moment. Just flag it for today. Check it tomorrow. See what's going on.

49:49Mogey:The video will still be up then, Jase.

49:52Keyzie:Not if I have my choice. And also, check out the podcasts. Yeah, do it. They are going off. Absolutely going off, man. The numbers are through the roof. But until tomorrow, you have a great night. See you later. Bye.

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