FULL SHOW: De-Escalation Stations

8:36Keyzie:I would never expect it to be free. Or discounted. Maybe a little bit discounted.

8:48Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

8:54Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Radiohead there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time is 4.26.

9:00Mike Minogue:I've just installed a brand new alert on the Hauraki Big Show, which is the plug alert. Plug alert. Sell out. Piece of s*** paid under the table. Backhand it. Illegal plug. Which is going to play whenever someone here on the big show uses this radio show to potentially plug a business after receiving free or discounted services. Jase. Jase just did that. It's a big thing over in Australia, actually. There was a guy called John Laws. There was a huge broadcaster over there, huge radio show. Golden tonsils, they used to call him, Kesey, believe it or not. But he had a big scandal, Cash for Comment it was called, where he would very casually sort of mention this, that or the other product or service and be getting paid millions of dollars without any of the audience realising that it was a paid advertisement.

9:47I think the benefit here with Jason is everybody knows that it's a paid advertisement. He couldn't be more open and obvious about it. But I think we need to find a way to sort of remove it completely or be a little bit more civilised about it. Subtle.

10:02Keyzie:Can I just make the point, though? I don't expect any money from the hangman.

10:08Mike Minogue:Stop plugging the business now, Jase. You have plugged it more than Reburger, and Reburger are our sponsors. So here's what we're going to do. I've just written down a few businesses, right? And they're probably businesses that would be in line with what you probably will plug at some stage. You know what I mean? Mogi, if you want, we'll start with you, just to give a good example. Well, I can give you an example, if you like. Oh, maybe. Okay. There you go. Well, just plug that business there. Oh, you give me a piece of paper. Real easy. It's real easy. This is the thing, though, man. I'm not going to plug, Jase, jeans just because I love wearing jeans.

10:45Do you know what I mean? He just had to be this thing and he said, why don't you plug jeans because you're always wearing jeans. I'm not a big fan of jeans. I far prefer to wear, for myself, chinos. I'm a chinos guy, and there's a shop around the corner called Dino's Chinos, and I wear those.

10:58Mike Minogue:But that's just me. See, he just slid in Dino's chinos there very subtly. Right. So that was actually what I was advertising was Dino's chinos. You see how dumb that, man? Not jeans, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas your sort of method was just to say the business over and over and over and over again on the radio. So do you want to hear, this is just a similar thing. Do you want to just do that one? You might need your glasses, mate.

11:20Keyzie:Jase. Geriatric incontinence underwear.

11:25Mike Minogue:So you've just, you've literally like, you know, No, you've got to slide that in subtly. You've just read it out and said nothing else. Right, okay. That's not how you plug something. But if they were to give him some money or some free... I'm assuming in this case they've given you free, like...

11:41Keyzie:Geriatric incontinence underwear?

11:43Mike Minogue:They've given you a year's worth of that for you, which is probably like, I don't know, 500 pairs. And you've just got to naturally slide it into conversation.

11:50Keyzie:Well, I've got one for you, actually, Keezy. Okay, hang on.

11:53Mike Minogue:You haven't nailed my brief yet. Here we go.

11:56Keyzie:You do that one on the bottom of the page there.

11:58Mike Minogue:Okay. Tello Acne Balm. You're not meant to just read it out, Casey. I had to because I couldn't read the freaking writing.

12:10Keyzie:With Manuka Honey, by the way. With Manuka Honey. Because I reckon you'd do great stuff on that.

12:16Mike Minogue:So if I had to subtly plug this, I'd be like, blast from the past the other day, I had a zit. Yeah. It wasn't like a hoity jay one. Well, this is hard to believe already because you've still got them. Yeah, yeah, well, it's funny, but they're a lot better, you might have noticed. And my wife goes, why don't you put some tallow acne balm on there? And I'm like, what? Do they still make that stuff? With manuka honey. With manuka. And I was like, yeah, and now it's got manuka honey. And it actually worked, which is crazy. Yeah. And then I'd throw in like a, oh, backbone.

12:46Keyzie:You guys will be aware of the fact that I've been doing a lot of walking lately. Oh, yeah. And I was walking back home the other night and I was caught a bit shorter. I was like, jeez, I should have gone wheeze before I, you know, left the workplace. Fortunately, I was wearing my geriatric incontinence underwear from Huggies, so I just let rip while I was walking. See, that's great.

13:09Mike Minogue:Yeah, thank you. You know, and you still, you know, I mean, the story kind of just didn't really go anywhere. But while you're on a roll, here, have a go at that one.

13:25Mike Minogue:Come on, Jase, this is easy, man. You were great at plugging before.

13:31Keyzie:I don't know how to plug this one. Yeah, right. It's a difficult one. Look, I love buzies. But it just got out of hand and I had to check myself into a clinic. Right. An addiction clinic.

13:48Mike Minogue:No, you've put your glasses on. It's a buzzy reduction clinic. Oh, buzzy reduction. Are you kidding me? You plugged the wrong business. I'll tell you what, though. That's why, Jase, you should always go to Specsavers, mate. Mogi. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Who wants breathing again?

14:13Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Whenever you hear... Whenever you hear this... Yum. In the middle of a song, give us a call on 0800 Hauraki and you could win yourself a$50 Reburger voucher. I'll tell you who did do that. Fellas, Anna. G'day, Anna. How's life?

14:29Mike Minogue:Oh, it's not too much. Thanks, team. How are we?

14:32Keyzie:Yeah, good, thanks, man.

14:33Mike Minogue:Good, thanks, Anna. Yeah, very good. What do you do for a crust? I am a purchasing officer. Oh! A purchasing officer? Can you break that down for us? What is it? I buy stuff for the company. For the company. I spend other people's money, basically. Oh, how good. Backbone. Shopping for a living. How good. Absolutely. What's the last thing you purchased? For them or for myself? For them. It was actually some compost. Compost, okay. Which is weird because they're like a software company. I bought some dirt. Some dirt. Nice, man. Good eating. Hey, Anna, how's the mount today? It's actually really nice here today.

15:18Mike Minogue:Oh, beautiful. Some timing.

15:20Keyzie:Yeah, beautiful.

15:21Mike Minogue:Great part of the world there. Anna, if it's okay, before we give you a re-burger voucher, we just have to do the AI test with you, all right? Okay, let's go. So the first question, what do you do for a crust? Purchasing officer. Yes, correct. That checks out. Well done. That checks out. What's for dinner? Yeah. Ooh, hopefully burgers. Nah, see, that's the A. No, no, no. Genuinely, what's for dinner, Anna? What, burgers? Are you making burgers? Are you having burgers tonight?

15:51Keyzie:We are actually having burgers tonight. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine.

15:56Mike Minogue:It's if you say hopefully re-burger, then it's not allowed. But yeah, Kate. She's worried that she's going to have to change her meal plan for tomorrow. Yeah. Burgers? Anna from the Mount. How often do you floss? Oh, if I'm perfectly honest, not very rarely at all. Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, that's fine. Right down here, terrible breath, that's all right. Shocking bastard. Freaking. Anna from the Mount, what colour are your undies? Oh. Oh. These ones are actually blue. Blue. Blue, okay, yeah, good. That's just quite interesting, the first female that we've had to ask the question to. Yeah, that's why I went all.

16:33Mike Minogue:Yeah, it's all G, though. It's just part of the AI test, man. Yeah, totally. It's fine. Anna, what's your deepest fear? Oh, I'd have to say it would be drowning to be. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, that's the second. Yeah. What a nice deep fear. One person, that's one for drowning, but one for being stranded out in the middle of the ocean was the other ones. They're not necessarily drowning, just being out there. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm just chucking your answers into the system here. Anna from the Mount, hopefully you come back as clean. Yeah.

17:03Keyzie:Yeah, there you go, beautiful.

17:04Mike Minogue:We can send you out that prize, mate. Oh, that's awesome. Thank you so much, guys. Appreciate it. No worries, Anna. If you hold the line, old Pugsana will look after you there. Good stuff, fellas. Good stuff, fellas.

17:15Keyzie:It was really good stuff, wasn't it? Don't they say drowning is, like it's not a fun thing to do. Is that what they say? They say it's the least painful way to go, but that doesn't override the fact that you spend your dying moments panicking like a mother. In abject terror, yes, totally.

17:33Mike Minogue:Bugger that. Totally, man. That's good stuff. Yeah. What's your greatest fear there, you know, Keezy there? Probably having my physical defects pointed out on national radio. Yeah. What, like your zit? Chase, the worst part is you have the biggest zit out of – you have two of them and they're bigger than us. And you're the one who's just pointing them out on everyone. All right?

17:56Keyzie:Sure, man.

17:57Mike Minogue:I'm all gene with it. Sure you are. I don't know if it's you talking or the zit talking, but whichever one it is.

18:03Keyzie:Here's Muse.

18:05Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

18:09Keyzie:Queens of the Stone Age there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time is 4.51. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

18:25Yeah! Yeah! Woo! I didn't watch anything last night, fellas, but I can tell you that tonight I will be watching the latest episode of Small Town Scandal on Neon and I'm probably going to follow that up with the latest episode of A Night of the Seven Kingdoms. Oh, yes.

18:44Mike Minogue:Can I just say, I think they're releasing two episodes a week. Are they? On the Small Town Scandal. Are they? Because we watched episode three last night on Neon there, which is the Tom Sainsbury comedy. And then episode four was also there to watch. Bang, bang. Which is great. That is great. One's not enough. Nah. And once again, it follows the recipe, that latest episode of just adding another super suspect to this. Because he's a podcaster. He wants to make a crime podcast. He's investigating his uncle's murder. And they just keep introducing really suspicious characters. It's so funny the way that they're just so suspicious.

19:18Every single person is ridiculous.

19:21Mike Minogue:I highly recommend. Because I think I have a history of being a bit anti-New Zealand stuff, unless it's really good. I'm 100 % like that. And I genuinely think, and I hope it just continues, and I know a lot of people that worked on it that say it does get even better, but I genuinely think it's a Kiwi classic because it's so different. I've never seen anything like it. It's really different. It's weird. It's super weird, really enjoyable. I've got no idea who did the murder. I want to know.

19:47Keyzie:I'll give it a look tonight, actually. I actually, in all honesty, didn't actually watch much television last night because I was trying to figure out for when the hangman comes tomorrow to hang the pictures.

19:57Mike Minogue:Jay, this joke is over now.

19:58Keyzie:No, no, it's the well-hung man that's coming to you all. The hung man. You know, just how you place them all out. Because I tell you what, my wife's abandoning me tomorrow and leaving it up to me. And so, you know, how we lay it all out. Yeah, yeah, sure. What did you watch, Keezy?

20:15Mike Minogue:How many buzzies? Yeah, okay. The hangman? I'm hoping five buzzies. This business is just getting so much free advertising. I watched episode four of A Night of the Seven Kingdoms. Oh, yes. Is that the latest one? No, there's one more. Oh, okay. But things are heating up, which is great. But I've figured out what it is, because a usual Game of Thrones episode is an hour long, and there's a million different... You cut over to Arya Stark, who's doing something, then you go over to the Hand of the King's doing something. This is just one of those storylines, so it's not jumping all over the place, and it's half an hour.

20:49Mike Minogue:It's just one of those storylines, and it's a good storyline, and it doesn't shift over to different people, which is great. So I'm like, even though it isn't an hour long, you feel like you're getting the same value because it's just one awesome storyline. Yes. And it's of Game of Thrones quality. It's not long enough, though. I want it to be longer.

21:04Keyzie:I agree with you. Do we know how many episodes there are of that?

21:09Mike Minogue:My gut says 10. My gut says 8, but I don't know. Yeah. What does your gut say?

21:14Keyzie:Because, I mean, I'm really enjoying it as well.

21:16Mike Minogue:Besides steel chips.

21:17Keyzie:Yeah. I'll stop doing that, Casey. No, you haven't.

21:19Mike Minogue:You literally just stole one, but carry on.

21:23Keyzie:It's definitely very enjoyable. It's so enjoyable. In fact, I don't want it to be over.

21:28Mike Minogue:Yes.

21:28Keyzie:And I don't want to, you know, watch them all in a hurry. I want to savour them.

21:34Mike Minogue:Yeah, and that's what's good is it is once a week. It's just half an hour, but, yeah, it's like that appointment viewing. There's a great, Mo, you spoke about in one of the very first episodes they really subvert expectations. Yes. They get the audience excited for something, and then they cut to him doing this gross thing. Yeah. There's a really great one in the fourth episode, and I'm not going to spoil it at all, but basically it gets really exciting and the music builds and then this thing happens and then completely subverts your expectations and they flip the switch on you and you feel like an idiot.

22:04Mike Minogue:Great. And you crack up laughing though. Yeah, yeah, good. Because you're like, oh, this is going to be awesome. Oh, hang on, no, never mind. Well, it's when you know you're in good hands. Yeah. You know, when they mess around with you like that. Apparently it's only six episodes.

22:14Keyzie:Oh, that's disappointing. That sucks. That's really disappointing. Now, coming up after five o 'clock, by the way.

22:20Mike Minogue:Sorry, I'll give 4.4 buzzies a Night of the Seven Kingdoms. Was that a good episode last night, was it? Yes, it's good. It's a very good episode, and it just looks like it's getting a lot better.

22:29Keyzie:Well, I saw that.

22:30Mike Minogue:Yeah, okay. We'll leave it there. Yeah.

22:32Keyzie:Coming up after 5 o 'clock, Keezy's worried about old Hoody Jay. And funnily enough, he has good reason to be. Yeah. After an experience I had this morning, actually. What else have we got, fellas?

22:43Mike Minogue:Plus old Moggy's trade me debacle. That's right. Oh, yeah. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

22:55Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're getting through your hump day tickety-boo. You're listening to The Big Show, by the way, brought to you by Reburger.

23:04Mike Minogue:Serving good times and good food. Dine-in or takeaway Reburger today. So what do you think of the place? Do you like it? Yeah, I like the balcony. And I like the high ceilings as well. Yeah, and you know, the school zoning's great too. Good square footage. Is that a re-burger over the road that I see there?

23:26Keyzie:Let me have a look. Let's see. Is that the...

23:31Mike Minogue:You know the gourmet street food sort of place? Oh, yeah, I think it is. I think it is that over the road. Right, I'll take it. Oh, you don't want to hear that. I'll take it. Are you sure? Let's do it. It's yummy. It's yum. It's yum.

23:45Keyzie:Very good. Very good Very good Don't say it to me, say it to Pugs man I say it to him all the time man No you don't Because he needs to know that he's valued

23:59Mike Minogue:I mean it's been ages since he's made another one Undervalued

24:03Keyzie:He's undervalued actually, yes And there's a simmering tension Between Keezy and him at the moment Which I'm really unnerved by I don't know if you've noticed it They're having digs at each other all the time I've noticed

24:16Mike Minogue:I actually have a bit of a thing with Pugs that we've got to address. Do you have a thing with Pugs?

24:20Keyzie:Do you hear that? Yeah. God, first of all, you're turning up in Moggy's dreams, passing him hard. Now you've got a thing for Pugs.

24:29Mike Minogue:I didn't say a thing for Pugs. You said you've got a thing with him.

24:32Keyzie:What's going on, KC?

24:34Mike Minogue:What I wanted to say was I've got a bone to pick with Pugs, but I didn't want to have to play this.

24:39Keyzie:I got a bone to pick.

24:41Mike Minogue:So I said a thing with Pugs instead. Yeah, that was a mistake. Yeah, obviously, yeah. I don't have a thing for Pugs. Oh, actually, no, I do.

24:48Keyzie:That's all right, man. That's all good. Don't worry about it, man. As long as you don't get too handsy with him, I'm sure Pugs is fine with that. He's a very attractive man. Very attractive. Very attractive. There's nothing wrong with that. It's totally natural that you're sexually attracted to him, Keezy. There's something wrong if you weren't.

25:04Mike Minogue:Yeah, so you guys are too, right?

25:07Keyzie:Mate, I'm a married man, Keezy. Oh. Here's Foo Fighters.

25:13Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

25:19Keyzie:Metallica there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. The time is 12 minutes past five o 'clock.

25:27Mike Minogue:Fellas, particularly Jace, I'm worried about you, man. You're just a little fella. Knee high to a grasshopper. Nuggety little bastard. Nuggety little, vicious little bastard. Vicious little bastard. Back in the day, anyway. Totally, man. Not anymore. Shocking bass. And let's be honest, the Auckland CBD, man, it's a dangerous place to be. Yeah, man. It actually is. There's a lot going on down there.

25:51Keyzie:Yeah.

25:52Mike Minogue:Big city life. Can I put it to you that way?

25:54Keyzie:Yeah, sure.

25:54Mike Minogue:100%. And, Jase, you've just moved into the CBD in an apartment. Yeah. And I worry about you staggering home with your skull candies on.

26:05Keyzie:What do you mean, staggering home?

26:06Mike Minogue:Oh, I don't know why I said staggering. It was just a...

26:08Keyzie:Your feet are on the piss a bit. I'm actually tripping a lot lately. You know, I'm not raising my feet up properly. Scuffing. That's what he means when he says staggering. Oh, right, staggering. Yeah.

26:22Mike Minogue:And while you're tripping on the way home, there's a lot of people around you tripping in a different way. Yes. Oh, yes. Exactly. And I know that you're a man of peace. True. And I worry that one of these days you're going to get smacked over. Oh, you're going to get the beats. You're going to get the beat down, put on you. You're going to get your head kicked in. I feel that's inevitable. Someone's going to roll you, man. Case in point.

26:46Keyzie:Literally just roll you down a hill. True story today. I had to go to the golf warehouse at Newton Gully there.

26:53Mike Minogue:Sorry, is that a plug alert? No. Okay.

26:56Keyzie:And I'm walking, and my wife said, why don't you just walk there? And I went, actually, yeah, that's a good idea because I'm actually not that far away. I could just walk there.

27:03Mike Minogue:So how far is that to stagger? Like, what, 15 minutes?

27:06Keyzie:Yeah, 20-minute walk maybe. So I'm walking along K Road with my headphones on, and this dude walks very quickly past me and then stops and turns around and makes me stop and says something to me, but I couldn't hear what it was because I had my headphones on. So I took my headphones off and I said, what was that? Sorry. No. And he went, the pharmacy's just down there.

27:33Mike Minogue:Oh, was he pointing at your zit? Your zit, yeah.

27:36Keyzie:I kid you not. The pharmacy's just down there. And I went, okay. And then he went, you can just take your script there. And I went.

27:47Mike Minogue:Your script, like your prescription. I guess so. Yeah.

27:49Keyzie:I guess so. I went, okay, that's great. And then he walked off again. I put my headphones on and started walking. He did the same thing again. Stopped, forcing me to stop, said something else. And I was like, what was that? And he said, I might get a coffee. And I went, okay. and then he said, oh, but I'll probably do it this afternoon. And I went, okay. This is the conversation. And I went, okay. And then he walked off again, and then he stopped and did it to me again, and I went, what was that, man? And he goes, you get all sorts around here, mate, all sorts around here. And I said, yeah, yeah, I know.

28:28Keyzie:Tell me about it. And then he walked off. He was walking off, and I went, I'm not. You didn't cross the road or anything? This is when I went, I'm crossing the road. Oh, you're smart. I'm crossing the road and he turns around and he's looking at me and I take my head because he was saying something. He was going, you're crossing because of me? You're crossing because of me? And I was like, nah, mate, nah, mate, I've just got stuff over here. And then I had to pretend to do stuff because I didn't want him to see that actually I had crossed over because this guy was a freak. That was my interaction.

29:00Keyzie:Then he sort of laughed and sort of walked away and it was like. Held hostage by a complete stranger.

29:06Mike Minogue:Yes. Yeah, and that's the kind of thing that one of these days that guy won't take kindly to you staggering over the road to avoid it.

29:12Keyzie:I mean, I wanted to get to my destination. He kept stopping me all the time with inane comments.

29:17Mike Minogue:Yeah, I know, I know. So this is something I think we need to practice, Jase. This is more for my peace of mind than yours. Yes. Because you think you can handle yourself, right?

29:24Keyzie:Oh, I can, mate. I was brought up in the mean streets of West Auckland.

29:28Mike Minogue:I thought it was Rotorua. And Rotorua.

29:30Keyzie:I can hold my ground. Don't you worry about that, fellas. I don't know if you can. I can when he's lying down on it after he's been knocked out.

29:37Mike Minogue:Yeah, 100%. So what I want to teach you is, maybe not teach, because I don't personally, I'm not very good at it, but Mogi, you and I will attempt to help Jase learn how to diffuse a situation using words. Okay, yeah. Because you can talk your way out of a lot of conflict, you know? That's a good idea.

29:53Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that next, all right?

29:54Mike Minogue:So we'll run a scenario and you talk your way out of it and hopefully avoid violence. Yeah, good.

29:58Keyzie:Here's gorillas. It's there.

30:02Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

30:06Keyzie:Nirvana there on the Radio Hauraki big show this Wednesday afternoon. The time, 5.24.

30:12Mike Minogue:Yes. Hoity J has just moved to the city. Big city life. It is big city life, actually. That's a really good point. I should probably play that. Hang on.

30:21Keyzie:In your own time, Keezy. I mean, it's just live radio. This is what we live for. This is why we practice, man. Totally.

30:30Mike Minogue:With Hoity J. Worth it. Super worth it. He's moved to the big city, and the Auckland CBD is a dangerous place, can be a dangerous place. Oh, my God, are you kidding me? Hoody J is staggering around that city 24-7 at night during the day, and I worry that one of these days he might find himself in a situation where someone might be being aggressive with him and then eventually smack him over, which we don't want, right? We don't want that.

30:55Keyzie:Well, I mean, I prefer not to be smacked over, yeah. When's the last time you got smacked over? probably about I don't know if you guys know this I was a tough little bastard so I never really got smacked over and you were fast and I was quick and I got really bony fists as well so I used to hurt man

31:16Mike Minogue:I can picture you running to a teacher actually hiding behind their skirts yeah so what I figure we could do is a bit of a practice Hoity J so me and Moggy will be a couple of maybe a couple of hoodlums Hoodlands. Near-do-wells. Near-do-wells. Near-do-wells. Who are looking for trouble. In all the right places. In all the right places. And you are Hoity J's staggering home after the radio. Yes. And your job is just to diffuse the situation with words. Don't let it escalate to the point of physical violence.

31:48Keyzie:Okay, yeah, cool. I got you.

31:50Mike Minogue:Okay, all right. Here we go. So we'll just get some city ambience here. Yeah, good stuff. Yeah. Oh, look at this piece of shit. Look at the way he's staggering. Should we go and smack him over? Yeah, let's go smack him over. Hey, mate.

32:05Keyzie:Hey. G'day, fellows.

32:09Mike Minogue:Fellows? We aren't your fellows, mate. We're not friends with you, man. Where'd you get those? What are they? Skull candies.

32:15Keyzie:Yeah, skull candies. Yes, buddy. Good sound. Too old for them, man. Why don't you hand them here, man? Yeah, why don't you give them a muggy and listen? Oh, well, just hang on. I don't know if I listen to your skull candies. Well, just hang on there. God, you've got a couple of honkers on you, don't you? What? You've got a couple of honkers on you. I mean, they're huge.

32:35Mike Minogue:Okay, Jay, seriously. Why are you physically insulting?

32:39Keyzie:Well, I'm just making an observation about the feelers.

32:42Mike Minogue:So that's your idea of talking the situation down and stopping it? Is pointing out that they've got big noses? At this point, yes. Are you at least going to say, oh, I've got one as well. We could be buddies. Well, I might have, but you interrupted me.

32:56Keyzie:Did I? Okay.

33:00Keyzie:What did you say? Just that you've got a couple of honkers on you. Mind you, I can talk. Fielos. Not for long.

33:09Mike Minogue:Yeah, not for long. Because we're going to beat you up. Oh, you're going to beat me up, are you? Actually, give me your lunch money. Lunch money. No, seriously, give me your lunch money.

33:18Keyzie:To be honest with the old chap, it's been a while since I've had lunch money. Have you ever thought of using tallow acne cream?

33:28Mike Minogue:You know what, I'll give up.

33:29Keyzie:Because that's a huge... I'm trying to hope you get smacked over at this point.

33:33Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Red hot.

33:42Keyzie:Chilli peppers there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time, 5.37. Fellas, I've been getting rid of some stuff out of our storage. We've got some storage underneath the house. It's full of stuff that we're never, ever going to use again in our lives and it just sits there gathering dust. So I thought, why not get a little bit of pocket money? For old Moogie there. A little bit of walking around money. Good idea, Moogie. Yeah, there's a little bit of folding stuff for the old back pocket there, Keezy. You're spot on there, brother.

34:04Mike Minogue:Thank you. Spot on. Now, one of the things that I've got on there is I've got these incredible, well, you call them poofs. Yes. Is it like an ottoman? An ottoman. There you go. So the ottoman there, it's an ottoman, but it folds out into a single bed. Okay? Now, we got these from the last. I'm picturing the ugliest thing I've ever. They're from Bow Concept. Now, we would never have bought them, but we got them pretty much free with the last house. So they're worth a couple of grand or something. And so I'm flogging those off. So if you can find those on there, bloody hell, they're good. I thought a puff was just like a circle round.

34:41It's anything you put your feet on. Yeah, carpet, couch, folds out. Folds out to a bed. Yeah, yeah, pretty amazing. Anyway, one of the other things I'm selling there is a Rimu dining table. A Rimu dining table. It's just a table. It was in the last house that we moved into. Old mate didn't want it. Beautiful. Look at those whittled legs there, Keezer. That's craftsmanship there, brother.

35:03Mike Minogue:God, that is big and – It's beautiful, isn't it? Yeah, sure. And that's it. So anyway, I just want to flog it off. So I've got it up there for$150. Yes. So I think it was yesterday or the day before, I said to you fellas there, I says to you, I says, you know, somebody's come in and offered me$80 by now. For the$150 table. It's a$150 buy. It's an absolute bargain anyway. You come in here at half price, and it just annoys me because you're wasting my time. Yes. Now I have to answer that bullshit. $80. No. Is the answer on that one? That's no. Following up yesterday, also I get another question comes in.

35:40It says, pick up today? Now, it's at the same time, so I assume it's from the same person. I said, you can have it for$100, and you can pick it up today. All right? Then I wake up this morning and there's another question there. That question says, can you deliver? Now, I've got it on there as pick up only. It's quite clear. Right. I'm not driving around with Remo dining tables in my teeter delivering them. Fair. All right, so I answer no. Next question comes up, does it come with chairs?

36:21That's good shit. Now, the table is quite clearly just a table. There's no chairs in the photos, and it's listed as a Rimu dining table. Not a Rimu dining table and chairs. And chairs. Right? So my answer is no. All right. Next question comes in. Now, this is where I'm starting. I'm fuming now. Yeah, fair enough, too. I'd be fuming. What's it made of?

36:50Mike Minogue:God, that's good shit. Said Rimu Wood. Then another message comes in. Any assurance that this table hasn't been owned by some googly-eyed bastard?

37:08Mike Minogue:Oh, God, I guess you did. I said, I've only had it for six months. It might have been. Can't give an assurance, sorry. So I don't know if somebody's worked out it's wide, but I'm getting the feeling they have. Anyway, got this sick table for$150. If anybody wants it. Plug alert. Sell out. Piece of s*** paid under the table. Backhand it. Illegal plug.

37:33Keyzie:I'll have a look at it. $80? You googly-eyed bastard.

37:41Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

37:46Keyzie:The Black Keys there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show. this Wednesday evening, the time, 5.48.

37:51Mike Minogue:Hey, fellas, I've got a bit of a bone to pick. I've got a bone to pick. And that bone is with old Pugs on. Ooh, it's Pugs on.

38:04Keyzie:G'day, fellas. Fellas. How are you? Good, thanks, Pugs. Thanks for having me. You're welcome. We always love having you on the show, man.

38:10Mike Minogue:I really appreciate that, and I love being a part of the show.

38:12Keyzie:Yeah, well, you are a part of the show. I love all you guys personally. Yeah, well, I love you too, man. You're all really special to me. You're a good guy. I don't know what you're saying off air. Huh?

38:20Mike Minogue:The reason I've got Pugs in, fellas, is because we can all agree that he's a great producer. He's a great human being in general. Nice guy.

38:28Keyzie:I think the best person I've ever met in my life. What about your wife? Well, on the male side. She's top three.

38:35Mike Minogue:She's top three. That's pretty podium.

38:37Keyzie:Yeah, she's top eight. Finalist.

38:41Mike Minogue:Yeah, if she was in the NRL, she'd be in the finals.

38:44Keyzie:If she misses the finals, she's only just missing it. Yeah.

38:47Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. The reason I wanted to bring you in here, Pugsana, is first of all, man, can I just say you're doing a great job. Thanks, Chris. But I did notice one thing yesterday. Yesterday, your lovely partner, she came and sat in the B studio.

39:03Keyzie:Easy on, easy. Back off a bit there, buddy. What do you mean?

39:05Mike Minogue:I said lovely partner. What's wrong with that?

39:07Keyzie:Jeez. You okay with that? There's a line, Chris. That's all I'm saying.

39:11Mike Minogue:Okay, okay. Sorry. Yesterday, your partner.

39:13Keyzie:Oof. Pushing out.

39:16Mike Minogue:Is it? Yesterday your Partner's good Okay it is good Okay I'm sorry I don't know what I can

39:22Keyzie:I like when you say it Mogi Yeah yeah

39:24Mike Minogue:Oh okay

39:24Keyzie:You're extraordinarily Beautiful partner You're so right Josh Yeah Your partner

39:30Mike Minogue:Whoa Easy She was in the She was in the B studio And as we were leaving Because she was obviously Doing a bit of work And you guys were probably Going home together or something I assume I don't know Most not That's your business I don't know And Jason and I were chatting to you about something and then we turned and spoke to your partner. And I can't remember what we said. It's something about maybe the Friday night dinner we were going to have or something like that. And I then looked over at you and noticed, I just glanced at you and noticed, you had a very intimidating look on your face. Like you were trying to staunch us out.

40:04Mike Minogue:And I noticed it was only happening while we were talking to your partner. And I was just like, wow, I haven't had this experience since like high school where I'm chatting to a partner of someone and then you look over at their boyfriend and he is giving you like the, I'm going to give you a hiding eyes if you don't back off. First of all, Chris, I have no idea what you're talking about. You're doing it now, Pugs. No idea. I guess I just wanted you to know that I haven't, there's no, I'm not trying to.

40:31Keyzie:To be honest, I didn't notice that because I was so busy looking at your extraordinarily beautiful partner. Message received, it looks like.

40:39Mike Minogue:Now, Jase, I'm really excited to come over to your place for tea. I think that's what we were talking about. and you were just saying, yeah, lovely to have you guys come see the place, catch up with your beautiful wife. Yeah, you're not wrong. And then, Chris, you were saying something about asking her for a drink before the dinner, just you two, which – Oh, that's right. He did too. Yeah, yeah.

41:00Keyzie:Yeah, I just –

41:01Mike Minogue:Right, okay. Hey, listen, man. Please forgive me if I gave off any kind of energy that was untoward. I just – Yeah, right.

41:10Keyzie:Yeah, that's sort of a – If we're getting everything out in the open here, can I just say, from my perspective, because I was there, Moji. Yeah. I was gone. I can't help but notice, Keezy, that when Pug-san's partner is in the studio, you get all peacocky. Yeah, do you notice that? Yeah, you've pruned your little feathers out a little bit. Yeah, yeah. You've always got a button, like a button down or something. I don't know what it is. There's something about you that you're twirling your moustache.

41:41Mike Minogue:So you're suggesting that, to be honest, it doesn't matter who's in the B studio, I will peacock a little bit, because I want to put on a good show, because they're looking through the glass here at us in this little box.

41:50Keyzie:Especially if it's a female. Yes. Well, I don't know if that's. You get massively peacocky.

41:57Mike Minogue:And I don't think, like, okay, so that's just who I am, right? I just get peacocky. Right? And I won't apologise for that, or asking your partner to go have a drink before Friday. I'm not suggesting that you need to apologise for anything, man. Okay. I just want to make sure that you know that we're all good here. So we're all G, right?

42:14Keyzie:I mean, she rang me in tears last night, man.

42:17Mike Minogue:Who? His partner.

42:18Keyzie:His beautiful partner. Oh, you're right.

42:20Mike Minogue:I'm glad she's got you to confide in, Jason. Yeah, totally, man. Okay, yeah, cool. All right, so we're all good? Yeah, man, we're sweet. Do you reckon you could follow up on the Friday night drinks thing with her? Because she didn't text me back.

42:33Keyzie:Yeah, I can look into that for you, man. Maybe a drink after. Just you two. There will be no after. It's going all night, boys.

42:44Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

42:50Keyzie:Faith no more there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. Now, coming up after six o 'clock, what's on the dinner with me, Kesey? So let us know what you're having for dinner on 3483. And you go in the drawer to win a$50 Reburguer voucher.

43:05Mike Minogue:That's right. Include what your name is and where you're texting from. And we want to know what's on the dinner menu. 3483 get yourself in the draw The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy Tune in weekdays at 4

43:20Keyzie:on Radio Hauraki You bet it's the fellas from the Big Show and you're listening to it It's brought to you by the way by Reburger What? I don't know

43:28Mike Minogue:Clip that up What? Clip that up Radio Awards Pugs File that one under butchered show sponsorships Beef, chicken, vegan and vegetarian options, Reburger, are redefining the norm, fellas. Scrum, diddly, I'm shit. Is that how we're going to start an hour, fellas? I mean, you kind of launch into your new hour, don't you? It's kind of got nothing to do with me, and I shouldn't really chip in, because it's you guys that handle it.

43:53Keyzie:Yeah, look, it wasn't my best work, I'll be honest with you. It is. It is amongst your best work. Oh, it was? Speaking of Reburger. That was the worst part, is you? Reburger, you? Yeah. You're having it tonight, aren't you, Moggy? For reals. Reburger. Reburger. What did you go for? Went for a Smash Prince.

44:10Mike Minogue:Yes. And also a sauce chicken. They've got a sauce chicken there. Great. And I'm not even joking. And it's three different sauces, and it's five of the Louisiana tenders. How good. So I've done that, and then I've topped it up with some more tenders, maybe some original tenders. Wow, you're going to eat a lot of chicken. I love me some chicken, boy. Tonight for dinner, fellas. And don't forget, 3483. Text through what you're having for dinner. You could win some Reburger. We're having leftovers from last night. Do you ever do this where you make dinner and then you go, oh, there's a bit of leftovers there, and you go, should we just have that tomorrow night?

44:43I'll tell you how it works at my house. This is how it works. My wife will cook something. Then it will go into the fridge. Then I eat it for the next two to three days. Right. I will get four to six meals out of it. She won't eat any of it. If I don't eat it, it sits in the fridge for a week to ten days, depending. And then it's thrown. And then I am the one that has to go through the fridge and clear it all out. That's how it works at my house. And as usual, I hope she's not listening. And there's nothing wrong with it because she does things that I don't. She's a backbunner.

45:13Keyzie:At my house, the opposite. My wife is the only one that eats leftovers. Oh. And the only leftovers I do eat are takeaways.

45:25Mike Minogue:Yeah, right.

45:26Keyzie:You know what I mean? But, you know, leftover pasta and all that sort of stuff, no thanks.

45:31Mike Minogue:Yeah, right.

45:31Keyzie:But again, I'll be the one that cleans it out once it's not been eaten.

45:36Mike Minogue:So last night she made this delicious Mexican-inspired salad thing and then some chicken thigh with delicious Mexican seasonings and stuff on it. And then we ate it and then there was exactly half left. Right. And then I was like, should we have this for dinner tomorrow? And then she was like, yeah, great idea. Now we don't have to cook. I don't like that though. See, I prefer to take it for lunch and I want something new and delicious for dinner. I can eat any old crap for lunch, but I need a decent, I prefer a good dinner. Yeah, isn't it interesting how we're all different? But then you, what did you have?

46:04You had 15 dumplings for lunch.

46:06Mike Minogue:Yeah, and I added a little Sichuan pita as well, filled with spiced beef. I'm worried about your weight, man, because you're a young man, but all this, you know the metabolism, Jase, you know it. It slows down, mate, and you can't eat like you have been. It's going to catch up with you. You're going to be a big unit, old Keezy, there.

46:24Keyzie:You're going to be huge, Keezy. You are going to be huge. Old Keezy.

46:29Mike Minogue:Fellas. Keezy.com I've been eating the way I eat I've been eating the way I eat for the past 20 years and one day it will and when it does I will address it then and this is my point just because it has worked for you like that you think it's going to work like that forever you know it's going to catch up with you I'm making the most of it because I've noticed you've got a bit of a pot here's collective soul The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.

47:02Keyzie:White Stripes here on the Radio Hodaki big show this Wednesday evening, but right now it's time for...

47:09Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, hey, guys. Text here from Steve.

47:12Keyzie:What's on the tea with me dinner?

47:17Keyzie:That's good stuff. What's on the tea with me dinner?

47:21Mike Minogue:Doesn't make any sense, guys.

47:23Keyzie:That was such a brain fart.

47:25Mike Minogue:Once upon a time, this segment made sense. It was what's for tea. What was it? What's for tea, New Zealand? With me, Keezy. Yellow wheeze. Oh, God. It's been through some evolutions. Yeah, all of them. So great. This is the segment where you text in on 3483 what you're having for dinner, and we read it out, and then you might get a reberg about you. G'day, fellas. Rob here. Oh, Robbie Coltrane. Rob Schneider. Schneider. It's Robbie Coltrane. Yeah. Cracker. Hagrid. Do you used to watch Cracker?

47:59Keyzie:Great show. What a show.

48:01Mike Minogue:Was he on that, was he?

48:01Keyzie:Yeah, he was the main man.

48:03Mike Minogue:Oh, wasn't he? Big unit, man. Loved his dumplings. Well, he played Hagrid. Of course he's a big unit. He was also made an appearance on Blackadder back in the day as well. Yes. Series three. He's writing the dictionary in that episode.

48:16Keyzie:Can we get to the food, please?

48:17Mike Minogue:G'day, fellas. Robbie Coltrane here. Dad's passed me the phone and mum's making a good old meatloaf. I like a meatloaf. I haven't had it for years. I'm sure I would. But I do have a memory that some people would put little mixed veg, like peas and carrots and shit.

48:33Keyzie:Yeah, no, no, we never did that. And the sauce is key to a meatloaf. What, do you go a brown sort of a gravy? Yeah, it's kind of quite a sweet sauce with a good creamy mash. I can't do it with sweet sauce, but I'm excited about the mash and the gravy in general.

48:49Mike Minogue:One time, this is a true story, Lucy made a meatloaf. Do you remember Jax Hamilton, the chef? No. I think she won MasterChef or something like years ago. And she made Jax Hamilton's meatloaf. And the sauce had coffee in it. Yes. And I ate so much meatloaf that I couldn't sleep that night. Was it nice? It was delicious, obviously.

49:09Keyzie:Our sauce had coffee in it too.

49:12Mike Minogue:Yeah, and you can't sleep because you've had too much meatloaf sauce.

49:15Keyzie:Wow. I remember Jax now, who you're talking about. Yeah.

49:18Mike Minogue:I actually read out the wrong text for Rob. Oh. This one, that was actually Tyrone. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tyrone Gamble. Lannister. Oh, that's Tyrion. G'day, fellas. Rob here. Oh, yeah, Coltrane. I've homemade beef lasagna for dinner tonight. Yep. Don't mind it. Yep, good. I love lasagna. With a nice garden salad. Agreed. It's the only thing you can have with it. There's nothing else you could have with a lasagna. You either have it completely on its own or with a garden salad. Correct. Correct. G'day there, fellas. Check this one out. Luke here from Dunedin.

49:51Keyzie:Skywalker. Matt Calf.

49:54Mike Minogue:Skywalker. Yes. Luke Skywalker. from Dunedin. G'day fellas. Baked bean toasties dipped in tomato sauce and a creaming soda. And he's reading a stick mag. You'll get that reference on today's podcast. Baked beans toasties dipped in tomato. They've already got sauce in the baked beans. Yeah, that's weird. I've not heard, I'm not a big bean guy, certainly not a Waddy's bean guy. And creaming soda is the pit. You know at Christmas time, I might have stopped now, but you used to get like 24 packs or 48 packs of little fizzy drinks. Yes. And creaming soda would be one of them. Jolly drinks, is it? Or carnivals.

50:34Carnivals. Those are the ones I remember. And you'd have your lemonades and your pineapples, maybe, and a whole bunch of them. You'd be devastated if you got a creaming soda. Yeah, agreed.

50:45Mike Minogue:Disgusting. Gross, eh? G'day, fellas. John here. Cougar Mellencamp. Yeah, it must be him. Suck it on a chilli dough. It is, John. Suck it on a chilli dough. Oh, yeah. Second on the chili dog. Second on. Chili dog. Oh, yeah. G'day, fellas. John Cougar Mellon Camp here. Tonight I'm sucking on chili dog. How good. See, that's good eating. And then for dinner, pork steaks, baby spuds with oil and pepper, green beans and a creamy mushroom sauce. All of it sounds good, but I don't do pork. Now, you say steak. To me, that just sounds like a chop. Nah, pork steak is a nice. Yeah, I've had pork steak. Oh, really?

51:23Mike Minogue:It's quite yum. Well, you love your pork, so that doesn't surprise me. Is it a pork medallion? No, it's a pork steak.

51:28Keyzie:Pork medallion, you say? Don't you buy pork steaks and then mince them yourself at home?

51:33Mike Minogue:Yeah, that's right, because I like to know that it's the right imbalance of pork fat to meat. There you go. Because I like the ones with the extra fat.

51:43Keyzie:Unsurprising.

51:47Mike Minogue:You've got to drop this whole Dumpling King thing.

51:50Keyzie:I didn't mention dumplings.

51:52Mike Minogue:Yeah, you were thinking it. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

51:57Keyzie:Blind Melon there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. Now, basketball fans, listen up, because this is your last opportunity for you and three mates to go along and see the breakers and have your own backbone bench. Beverages, food, all provided courtside. How good!

52:17Mike Minogue:So good, Jase. What do you have to text, man? Bench. This guy gets it, man. It's his favourite promotion. Bench to 3-4-8-3. The next game and the final game of the season is tomorrow night, Event Finder Stadium on the North Shore against the Cairns Taipans. This season has flown by. It has, hasn't it? It has. Yeah. Serious question. If I was to organise some tickets to go along to this game tomorrow night, would you guys be keen? No. Okay, great, because we've got free tickets and me and Pugs are going. Good.

52:42Keyzie:Okay.

52:42Mike Minogue:But I just wanted to gauge your interest. Thank you for the offer.

52:46Keyzie:Well, I would love to, Kesey.

52:48Mike Minogue:Oh, it's too late. You've said no.

52:48Keyzie:No, because I love basketball. Oh, it's one of your great passions. That is a yarn. But the only issue is my daughters are coming over tomorrow, so I have to be there. I don't think they'd be very impressed if they flew all the way from Australia and old hoody Jay buggered off with Keezy and Pugson to coiff beers and eat free food watching basketball. There's no ticket available for you, Jay, so you couldn't anyway.

53:13Mike Minogue:Yeah. I also don't think they'd be too bothered. It's not because Mumsy is there, right?

53:19Keyzie:Well, I mean, there's a lot of truth in that. I think they can give or take me. Yeah. You know what I mean? They like me in small doses. Yeah. You know what I mean?

53:28Mike Minogue:I find small four-minute doses, and then I need like two. Three and a half. Three and a half to four-minute. Yeah. Remedy would be the key word. Yeah.

53:35Keyzie:And then you need a couple of songs just to chill out.

53:37Mike Minogue:And then if I don't hear the chillies and phoies before my next interaction with you, then it's a bit too much. Okay, yeah. But the good news is I am going to be there. Pugs is going to be there and a few other people from the office. We're in the hospitality area.

53:48Keyzie:Wow.

53:48Mike Minogue:So I think that means free food.

53:50Keyzie:Well, you see, I wouldn't want to do that anyway because if I'm going to a game like that, I want to be with the people. You know, I don't want special treatment. I don't want to be in the VIP area. If you see Jason on the street, be sure to go up and have a chat to him.

54:04Mike Minogue:Yeah, because he loves the people.

54:06Keyzie:As we talked about earlier today, not everyone thinks. But get into it.

54:11Mike Minogue:Bench to 3483. Last chance to sit courtside. You and three mates, you get backbone teas, you get free food and drinks. and I will see you there. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

54:33Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastard. That's a big show done and dusted this Wednesday night. On the podcast outro, what clip have you got for us today, Keezy?

54:42Mike Minogue:This one here is just entitled The Dream, which I assume is your dream, Jase.

54:48Keyzie:Right, okay.

54:51Mike Minogue:I want to end things because I'm a go-getter and I'm trying to chase a dream and you're holding me back. Yeah. Then she says, what's the dream? Then you say, a toasted sandwich and porno.

55:02Now, out of context. Yes. That sounds weird. But it actually had us talking for longer than usual. It was a longer than usual podcast as a result of what a great idea Jase has got for opening a small business. And I can tell you what, there's no competition because nobody else has had that idea. Yeah, I think it's a winner all the way, fellas. You could franchise it.

55:20Keyzie:Well, maybe, but yeah, no, it needs me there. Really, it's got to be a mom and pop store. Yeah, yeah. So listen to the podcast outro if you want the whole story. Mogi, what are you up to tonight? Great question, man. I'm going to go and get me Ree Burger there, and then I'm going to go home, and then I'm probably going to watch a bit of Small Town Scandal, a couple of episodes of that, and then we'll see how we go from there. I'm looking forward to putting my feet up. A little bit of work, obviously, Keezy. Really? I've got to read some book onto the last chapter of The Famous Five. Oh, with your daughter?

55:49With my daughter there. Book number three of 21. So big night for old Mogi.

55:53Mike Minogue:Jeez, sounds like a massive night. What are you up to, Keezy?

55:56Keyzie:Leftovers for a start.

55:57Mike Minogue:My wife and I will have leftovers, and then we'll probably go for a walk around the block, and then we'll watch the fourth episode of Small Town, what is it, Scandal? Scandal, yeah. On me on there, the Tom Sainsbury comedy, which I recommend. And then I'll probably play PlayStation when she goes to bed. Doosh, doosh, doosh. Yes, that's the one.

56:15Mike Minogue:I'm actually playing a medieval guy, Kingdom Come Deliverance. Kingdom Come Delivery. That's why it's called Kingdom Pause Come Delivery. I've sunk a lot of hours into it. What are you doing tonight, Jase?

56:33Keyzie:I'm going to walk home, put my headphones on. This is some tunes. Go home, eat, just relax, just stretch out. Hey, we'll make sure to make eye contact with as many people on the way home as you possibly can. Yeah, I'll try. I've actually mastered my neutral look, I think. Do it now.

56:51Mike Minogue:That's not bad.

56:52Keyzie:Check out the Instagram. Check out the podcast. Talk tomorrow. See ya.