FULL SHOW: Inspector Hoyte

10:30Mike Minogue:It wasn't raining too bad, Jase. It was more just a mist. But to my surprise, my parents absolutely loved it. My mum had one of my old jerseys on. My dad had my hat on because my jersey wouldn't fit him. And we were at Mount Smart there, and the music was really loud, and the fireworks were going off, and the blackout, and everyone's torches were flashing. And they absolutely loved it. And it was quite nice because the whole time, because my parents have been watching League, but League's changed a lot. And so the new tactics of building pressure and getting through his tackle sets and all that sort of stuff.

10:58Mike Minogue:My dad's like, why don't they just throw the ball around? Why don't they just keep running into each other? It's boring. And I was trying to explain all the things. But they loved it. We went out to dinner at a restaurant on Dominion Road Friday night. Interesting restaurant where you get skewers of meat. Now, what was it? You probably can't say what it was, but it was a bit of a wacky joint. It was like a comedy restaurant or some description, wasn't it? Well, it's kind of funny. It's just fun. You get beer towers and you can get skewers with lamb testicles or chicken gizzards or chicken hearts.

11:25Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, now you're talking. Yeah, exactly. Like weird stuff, but there's also like your more vanilla stuff as well, which we loaded up on. What I didn't realise is that everything has spicy chilli stuff on it. And my dad, who thinks like a pint of milk is spicy, he was like crying at the table, which was really funny. But, yeah, it was a great weekend, fellas.

11:47Keyzie:And I know it was because on the Friday night, your mum, she rang me and she was in tears.

11:53Mike Minogue:So my mum was in tears.

11:55Keyzie:Yeah, she was in tears, and I went, oh, here we go.

11:58Mike Minogue:How does she have your number?

11:59Keyzie:Because your wife gave it to her. Because she'd called me previously in tears. Yeah, right. And then it was like, oh, what the hell? And it was your mum. But tears of joy, Kesey. Oh, wow. I was going to say. On what a lovely night it was, out in the pissing rain, watching a mediocre league game.

12:17Mike Minogue:Right, that was on the Friday night, wasn't it? That was on Saturday.

12:20Keyzie:Eating bull's testicles. Lamb testicles. So, you know, Kia Kaha, man. I mean, that is good stuff. I think it's great that you look after your folks like that. I really do. I think it's lovely.

12:33Mike Minogue:Thank you. And do you know what is an absolute winner? Like, seriously. And I recommend you do this if you are sort of, you're like my age, like, you know, 30s, 20s, whatever it might be. If you are looking at potentially buying a house soon, if you are fortunate enough, take your parents to some open homes, man. They loved it. Oh, yeah. My dad, obviously growing up on the plantation, he was just like, he's never been into an Auckland suburb and gone inside an Auckland house. How much does this cost?

12:58Keyzie:Yeah, yeah.

12:58Mike Minogue:What?

12:59Keyzie:What is this? It's brick, dad.

13:01Mike Minogue:This is just a... Brick! Brick! Well, I mean, we have bricks in Tauranga. What, we don't have bricks in Tauranga? But anyway, they loved it, so that's what I recommend. Bloody good. Well, that's great. And did you manage to convince them to put down the deposit for the house? Because that was the aim of the whole weekend, wasn't it? You know? Obviously. Well, not just the deposit. I want them to pay for the whole thing, personally. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

13:31Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Nirvana there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 4.41. As we were previously chatting about, a bit of rugby league action over the weekend. With that in mind, we've got our resident pro, a rugby league legend, the one and only Charlie Gubb. G'day, Charlie, you mad bastard. and how's life?

13:51Mike Minogue:What's up, fellas? Life's good. I got bangers and mash tonight. Oh, yes. And I got a litre of strawberry jelly waiting to sit in the fridge. Oh, hell, good.

14:01Keyzie:Let's go. I had bangers and mash the other night there, Gubby. Now, listen, she was a, ah, bloody affair. It was a bit damp. The fellas on the Friday, I need to tell you. Did you watch it, Jase? I did watch it. The fellas on the Friday saying 40, 50, easy. What happened?

14:18Mike Minogue:That was what I expected, Jase. Yeah. Well, what did happen there, Charlie? That's just the NRL. The Dragons were on. They got a really good, young, hard forward pack. And Warriors were off. You know, we played pretty ugly that first half. We did not build a lot of pressure at all. Every time we kicked down there, we'd miss a tackle or give a penalty and just let them off the hook. So there was no pressure built to put the Dragons, you know, like we weren't getting much good ball. Yeah. than we were. It was just a bit off. But what was positive is the Dragons got in front, and even though we weren't playing our best, we still did enough to claw it back and win at home.

14:56Couldn't agree more with you there, old Gubbie, you mad bastard. It's interesting, isn't it? The Warriors have a win like that. They win ugly, and people are still all over them. You know, people saying, oh, well, you know, the Panthers won't be worried about them. The Roosters won't be worried about them being a real threat for the title this year, and yet the Panthers lost. So is anybody worried about them? Of course they are. That's right. And that's footy. If you can, NRO, if you can just keep stacking those two points, because all you have to do is get everything firing for those last few games in a row, which is the quarter, semi and a final.

15:32Before that, hardly any teams are just playing great week in, week out, especially this year. Panthers have dropped a couple in a row. Roosters are getting better now, but they were dog shit the whole season. Absolute dog shit. Language, fellas. We're getting a bit ungrateful as fans. We're expecting everything to be rock stars all the time, but sometimes you just need a few rocks.

15:57Mike Minogue:Yeah. Are you suggesting, Charlie Gubb, Warriors legend, that the Waz fans are now turning into All Blacks fans and just sitting there expecting a win every single weekend? No, no, I don't think so. I just think that they're just kind of turning their nose up at maybe Bang is a mash, you know, and they're expecting some frigging, I don't know, line-court half-hooker or something. But at the end of the day, like, if you've got a hot meal when you finish the work, it's all good, you know? Exactly. One thing I have noticed about the WARS, though, Charlie, is when it comes time to take on a big team like Melbourne Storm earlier this year or the Panthers, we really get up for those games and lift our games to another level.

16:33Mike Minogue:But then when we do take on a lower team, we will still get the win, which is great. But we seem to drop off depending on the quality of the opposition. We seem to almost match. It's just something I've noticed. Do you agree with that? Not really, Keezy. I mean, we're beating the people in front of us. We haven't lost that many times this year. Yes, we've won a lot of games ugly, but that's just a long season. We're not always on. And we've got a lot of troops down. We've got RTS out. We've got Jackson Ford out. We've got Tanner Boyd out. We keep talking about it, but that's three possibly top five players.

17:09Manu Vatavai's gone for the season? He's gone for the season. He had a couple of years he was out of the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

17:15Keyzie:Charlie Gubb's out at the moment. Oh, is he bloody hell? I'll tell you what, though. Who cares at the end of the day, Gubbie, when you get the W, whether it's pretty or ugly, right?

17:26Mike Minogue:Yep. What do they say? All Ws are pink on the inside. That's exactly what they say, man. Gubbie, today I got myself tickets for the grand final, mate, so I've put my money where my mouth is. Brother, you got your tickets already, mate? No, not yet. I'll, um, nah, I mean, as we get closer, maybe I'll get some and just sell them for a bit more. That's the spirit, brother. Before we let you go, Charlie Gubb, who was your Porta King player of the round, mate? Oh. That question surprised you. Oh, man, you put me on the spot. You know what? Hoity, watch it. Can you tell me, Hoity, Mr. Bang is the mash?

18:03Keyzie:Deviled sausages, by the way, there, Gubby, just so you know, mate.

18:06Mike Minogue:Back to the league, please, Jason. Who was your player of the round?

18:08Keyzie:Um, Capewell.

18:11Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Based on nothing. Based on what?

18:14Keyzie:Because I thought he, you know, as we say, they weren't at their best. None of them were at their best as far as I'm concerned. But the good news is usually the Warriors would lose a game like that, but they got the W. Yeah, okay. We still got time, Kinsley, because next week we got the Bulldogs away, and then we got the Titans, and then we're at home, the real acid test versus Penrith.

18:34Mike Minogue:Yeah, boy, cannot wait, Charlie. I personally would have said Dillon. I thought he played excellent. his carries and stuff it was just absolutely brilliant don't forget if you're ever in Wellington and you need a Portaloo hit up Portaking Uncle Charlie will sort you out we'll chat in a week's time eh Charlie yeah we will and if you want to pick the players today next week Keezy just turn that down for a second then you show me a bit more on the interview like what he did yeah ok will do mate good on you Charlie you mad bastard here's to hide The Hauraki Big Show weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki

19:06Keyzie:yes indeed you too there on the radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 4.53. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

19:21Keyzie:Yeah! That's right. Last night, fellas, I watched Jurassic Park. Oh, nice. Nice. Hey! I don't think I've seen that since it came out. I watched it because it's got Sam Neill in it. And also we needed to have a family movie. my daughter is only seven years of age so she found quite a lot of it a lot of it terrifying yeah but I made her watch it she was she loved it absolutely loved it she loved it things that were pretty scary so that made me laugh but it got it's a brilliant film because I hadn't seen it for so long I'd sort of forgotten the vast majority of what even happens in it but pretty much it just goes brilliant set piece after brilliant set piece after brilliant set piece the the dinosaurs

20:08Mike Minogue:the practical effects right well the the practical effects look great the CGI is terrible the CGI is pretty heinous but it's mostly but funny my daughter is like oh my god how do they make it look so real so that was good because also she doesn't know what a dinosaur looks like we do so yeah it was it was pretty amazing four and a half pussies out of a possible five Sam Neill was great in it he's bloody good but everybody is Jeff Goldblum Yeah, he's brilliant. What was it on? I'm going to go with... TVNZ Plus has a whole thing dedicated to Sam Neill at the moment. Oh, that's right, it does. Yeah, all free to wear.

20:45Mike Minogue:Yeah, a whole collection, yeah. Yeah, it's so great. Beautiful. TVNZ Plus.

20:48Keyzie:Last night we watched a movie called Lee. It's a war drama made in 2023. One hour, 56 minutes long, Moggy. Starring the always brilliant Kate Winslet. Oh. It's the story of photographer Elizabeth Lee Miller, a fashion model who became an acclaimed war correspondent for Vogue magazine during World War II. And obviously her character, very belligerent, likes drinking, likes smoking, likes making love. And I am a massive fan of Kate Winslet. I think she's a fantastic actor. And she's one of those actors that is not afraid to, you know, get down and dirty with it. You know what I mean? be very grody looking.

21:36Keyzie:You know, she's not precious. Can I put it that way? You're saying she's looking grody, isn't she? No, you're saying. I don't see why that's relevant. Well, no, but she plays very, her character's actually quite a run down, she's very extravagant, but she's quite a run down kind of character. Also starring Alex Skarsgård. Yes. Who's a stud, but he's terrible in this film. Is he useless? Yeah. He's really insipid and weak. What does insipid mean?

22:06Mike Minogue:Oh, okay.

22:07Keyzie:Just kind of a really annoying kind of weak character. Really good film, though, based on a true story, where she goes from being a fashion model, is dissatisfied with that, wants to get up to the front in the war, and they're like, no, woman can't do that. We don't allow that. But she gets there anyway because she's such a determined character. Based on a true story, quite an extraordinary one, too. I'll give it 3.7 buzies out of 5.

22:36Mike Minogue:Wow, it's called Lee, L-E-E? Yes. And it's on? Neon. Neon, nice. My parents are up over the weekend, and they introduced my YouTube algorithm to something they're quite partial to, which I am now partial to, which is people buying rundown really old things and then doing them up. So we watched this couple buy a monastery. Nice. From the 1500s. And it is an absolute shambles. And they're just sitting there the whole time cracking up with a beer and a wine in hand, and cracking up and like, these two are never going to get this place finished. And I'm into it now. I love it. Well, of course you would.

23:08You love the Reno sort of stuff. You sound like you're surprised. It's exactly the kind of thing that you watch.

23:13Mike Minogue:Well, exactly. It is. And I've now introduced my wife to it. She likes it. We watch these guys by a nun's Covenant? Covenant? Convent. Convent. Convent. From the 1700s. And this other couple bought a ruin on the hills of the Amalfi Coast which hasn't been inhabited for hundreds of years. Wow. And it's just them doing them up. Yeah, good. And I'm like, you know what, this is good. Four buzzies out of five. Wow.

23:35Keyzie:You know what I've been getting into just randomly very quickly? Hardcore pornography.

23:38Mike Minogue:Yeah, first.

23:39Keyzie:Well, apart from that, obviously. Tree felling gone wrong.

23:46Mike Minogue:So good.

23:47Keyzie:Heaps coming up after five o 'clock, including I've got my first ever house inspection, fellas, and I've got to go and perform, so I might need your advice on it.

23:57Mike Minogue:Yeah, 100 % plus. your chance to win$250 cash. If you hear the queue to call, ring 0800 Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

24:11Keyzie:You're welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Monday. You are listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Reburguer.

24:18Mike Minogue:Handcrafted burgers, loaded fries and gourmet eats that will change the game. I can't believe you rescued me. I was stuck on that island for weeks. Oh, I just had leaves and coconut steaks.

24:29Keyzie:No, no. Well, you know, I'm glad you're okay, to be honest. But we've got everything you need on board.

24:35Mike Minogue:We've got clean drinking water. We've got blankets, a nice bed. Have you got any re-burger? What? Have you got any re-burger on board?

24:47Keyzie:Listen, I like re - I don't know if we have any on the ship. Just take me back. Just take me back.

24:58Mike Minogue:Good work, Pugs. It was nice.

25:00Keyzie:That's quality work right there.

25:01Mike Minogue:Speaking of Ree Burger, fellas. What's up?

25:05Keyzie:Yeah. Speaking of Ree Burger. Yeah.

25:08Mike Minogue:You had it at the weekend?

25:09Keyzie:Yeah. Oh, God. So, God, because I guess I was just doing breakfast all last week and stuff, and I was like, something's missing in my life. And then I realized over the weekend, Ree Burger.

25:23Mike Minogue:Did you go in and order it?

25:26Keyzie:Yes.

25:27Mike Minogue:What did you get?

25:28Keyzie:What's it called? The Big Red Ruby or something? Why do you even ask him, Casey? What do you even ask him? Yeah, because you know I can never remember what the bloody... He can remember one or two burgers. That's what he says. It's a lie. It's an insult to our sponsors, but he doesn't care. So if you're feeling a bit peckish at the moment, go and get yourself some red burger.

25:44Mike Minogue:But what I don't understand is, Jason's done radio for ages, right? Yeah, he has. Like, every time he gets a sponsor, does he just lie and say he was there every single day? Well, he does. He does. And it's also like when we do anything for charity and he acts like he's texted in to make a$3 donation and even that is a lie.

26:01Keyzie:Yeah, in fact, I've texted in 10 times already.

26:05Mike Minogue:What, Reburger?

26:06Keyzie:Hey, Elvis and fellas. A big occasion for old Horty J coming up and I just want to get your advice. Let me guess you got a Reburger. Oh, no, I mean, that's just my little treat every week, Keith. Yeah, right, okay. But I need your advice on some stuff, so we'll get into that next. Some stuff, sounds good. In the meantime, here's the black keys.

26:26Mike Minogue:June. The Hodaki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.

26:34Keyzie:Soundgarden there on the Radio Hodaki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is exactly 15 minutes past five o 'clock. Now, fellas, you'll be aware of the fact that old Horty Jay moved into the CBD this year.

26:51Which is great.

26:53Keyzie:Bit of a, you know, time for change, bit of a move. But what it also meant was that for the first time in my life, I became a landlord because our house in West Auckland there, we're renting out. So now my wife and I are officially landlords. Nice. And you'll recall not that long ago, we had a flat inspection at our place.

27:14Mike Minogue:At your apartment. At the apartment.

27:16Keyzie:It was like, oh, geez, I don't think I've ever had one of those in my life, actually. So, you know, we were a bit nervy about that. Not because we had anything to hide. But, yeah. You know, we've just never been in that situation before. And my daughter's room is a pigsty, but that's by the by. And now it's our turn because we were like, jeez, I suppose we should be actually checking our place out. You know what I mean?

27:41Mike Minogue:So you guys are handling it. You don't have a property manager.

27:43Keyzie:No, we don't have a property manager. We are the landlords. If you have an issue, come and speak to old Hoity Jay or his wife.

27:50Mike Minogue:This is so funny. I can imagine being a tenant whilst Jace comes around to look at the place.

27:55Keyzie:And, you know, we stay in touch with the tenants. How's it all going? How's the bamboo up the path, et cetera, et cetera, just sort of gauging? And then we said, oh, we suppose we should come over and actually have a bit of a house inspection. The reality is, because I've never been a landlord in my life, I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know what my rights are. I don't know what their rights are. Yeah. You know what I mean? So I thought I'd talk to you, Backbones. Maybe you had some idea, or even the audience on 3483, the do's and don'ts, if you will, of doing a house inspection.

28:25Mike Minogue:So is it you and your wife doing it together? Yeah, it'll be just us together, yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, I mean, it's your house. Yes. You can do whatever you want.

28:33Keyzie:Like, could I go in there and go... What, you're going to hang that there, are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

28:39Mike Minogue:You could, yeah, you could say whatever you want. Depends if you want them to still be attentive.

28:42Keyzie:Like, if I go, like, and then run my hand along the sort of, or, you know, my finger along the window sill and go, oh, a bit dusty. The trick is you knock on the door, they answer the door, straight in there, straight into the bedroom. You sit down on the bed, you bounce up and down a little bit, and you say, this is where all the work gets done, is it? Are you? Oh, right. So this sort of creative atmosphere of friendliness and stuff. Actually, you make a good point, Moggy, because I can't go through the drawers or stuff. You know what I mean? I can do that? Of course you can.

29:16Mike Minogue:Well, I don't want him to get sued or something. You know what I mean? We can't get sued in New Zealand. Oh, well, then go for it.

29:21Keyzie:Old Moggy has been a landlord. Yes. So it's totally G for me to go through drawers, et cetera, et cetera. 100%. The trick is you just need to use your – in this case, there's two of you there, your wife will be the lookout. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you just need, like, some kind of a code word. Yes. You know? Dilly.

29:42Mike Minogue:Dilly. Yeah, so she'll just be standing in the hallway. Your tenants start walking down the hallway. You have to stop looking through their drawers. So she says, Dilly. yeah that could I mean my instinct tells me Jase is like you could do this and this is great advice from Moggy who's definitely been a landlord in the past but what you could do is really think about how you felt when the inspector was coming to your house your apartment and or you could even mimic what they did

30:09Keyzie:weirdly I felt real good right when they came around but you know what I mean

30:13Mike Minogue:like so you're you know you're hoping that everything's up to scratch you could go around have a look give it a once over and say oh things are looking great here you guys. Thank you so much for paying your rent on time and stuff. We really appreciate having you here.

30:25Keyzie:Yeah, but there's no fun in that Keezy.

30:27Mike Minogue:Or you could get your wife to stand in the hallway and yell dilly.

30:30Keyzie:You know, because would I be, for example, within my rights to go through the drawer and if I found something like a dilly, to go out there and go what's this then?

30:40Mike Minogue:So you're not allowed to use a dilly? Why would you not be allowed to use a dilly? Well, not in my house when I'm not there, Keezy. Only when he's there. When he's there, fine. Is this a building inspection Or are you just trying to find a dealer

30:53Keyzie:What else am I looking for Any other do's and don'ts Is there anything that's sort of off limits

30:59Mike Minogue:Well I would say most of the stuff we've discussed Why don't we do an improv Right To sort of set the scene and then you'll know

31:06Keyzie:Yeah because I mean they're lovely people And I want to create the right atmosphere for them You know what I mean I don't want them to feel Sort of freaked out that old hoody Jane His wife will come around and check the place out

31:16Mike Minogue:Yeah so let's do a run through and that way you'll be fully prepared

31:18Keyzie:Okay, that sounds good, Keezy.

31:20Mike Minogue:We'll do that after some Lenny?

31:22Keyzie:Yeah, why not? Oh, no, maybe after some Royal Blood.

31:25Mike Minogue:Okay. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

31:33Keyzie:Yes, indeed, Royal Blood there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 5.26, which means it's time for... Quiet on set. Sound speed. Lights. Camera. Action. Now it's time for the Big Show Improv. Now the scenario that we have here, I'm about to do my first ever house inspection as a landlord coming up sometime this week. And so I just wanted to get a few tips and ideas from the fellas, having never done it before in my life, having never been a landlord in my life. What's the do's and the don'ts as you were?

32:08Mike Minogue:Yeah, I mean, we've just had a brief discussion about it. You know, I was under the impression you'd sort of have a look around, make sure everything's tidy, nothing's broken, and then leave.

32:15Keyzie:Right, OK. But it's a lot more complicated than that, though, isn't it? It can be. Yeah. It can be. We're going to find out.

32:21Mike Minogue:It could be, yeah.

32:22Keyzie:So I thought what we could do is an improvisation, because my wife and I are doing it, maybe Mogi and I, me and my wife.

32:30Mike Minogue:So who plays you?

32:31Keyzie:Me. Mogi can be my wife. And, Keezy, you could be the tenant if that works for you. Sure. What's my name? What do you want your name to be?

32:41Mike Minogue:Gareth.

32:43Keyzie:Gareth.

32:43Mike Minogue:Definitely not Gareth. That's a worse name. No offence, Gareth. Okay, I'm Gareth.

32:47Keyzie:I would never rent my place out to a Gareth.

32:50Mike Minogue:I love the idea of some Gareth listening right now going, oh, man. Oh, what? Okay, my name's Gareth, all right? I'm Gareth.

32:55Keyzie:Yeah, man, you're a backbone.

32:56Mike Minogue:Yeah, I am.

32:57Keyzie:Good stuff. Okay, so we're going to turn up and then we'll go into the inspection, all right? Sure, okay. Here we go.

33:09Keyzie:God, the bell's not working. It used to be a bell. Just use a key, Al. Oh, yeah. Just use a key. Actually, good point. Hello Oh hello G'day Oh you Gareth are you

33:20Mike Minogue:Yeah I'm Gareth we've met before You're Jace right you own the property

33:26Keyzie:Winnie pooing it eh Winnie pooing it Just maybe put some pants on Gareth While we're doing the inspection it's just a bit distracting

33:33Mike Minogue:Oh no this is a nightie I've got pants on underneath

33:36Keyzie:Oh right okay

33:37Mike Minogue:Sorry mate you told me you were going to be here in an hour's time

33:39Keyzie:Oh no no that was the time we agreed to Love wasn't it

33:43Mike Minogue:Yeah. Who's that?

33:44Keyzie:Oh, this is my wife, Alice. Hi. Can you not look at her like that, please, Gareth? Hi, Alice. How are you?

33:49Mike Minogue:I'm Gareth. Yeah, I'm going good. Jeez. Alice had a few durries or something, isn't she?

33:55Keyzie:So we're just going to have a little look around, if you don't mind, Gareth. Just check the place out. We'll start at the lounge, shall we, Gareth? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Let's go. Yeah, go for it. What were you down here?

34:02Mike Minogue:Thank you. As you can see, everything's clean and tidy and fast. We had some fun in here, haven't we? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, I don't need to know that. That corner. I don't need to know that. You see that over there, that carpet? Yeah, yeah. Mind your step. Yeah, right. Put it that way.

34:14Keyzie:Don't go on that barefoot.

34:16Mike Minogue:Just put it that way. Hello. Yeah, well, we've had the place. Hello. We've had the place. Hello.

34:21Keyzie:Okay, we'll just go into the kitchen here. That's all looking.

34:24Mike Minogue:Cool. We've tidied over.

34:25Keyzie:Remember this bench? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I bet you do. Hey, you see that bench there?

34:30Mike Minogue:Yeah, the breakfast bar. Just be careful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't put your hands on it without gloves. Right, okay. Spray white. That's what I'm saying. Well, I mean, we've cleaned it a lot. We've cleaned it a lot. Well, you need to. Yeah, no, okay.

34:41Keyzie:Is that Mark still there? Oh, yeah, it is. No, that's all game. Okay, cool.

34:44Mike Minogue:So the kitchen's looking good, though. You happy with the kitchen? Yeah, yeah.

34:47Keyzie:Into the bathroom here. Oh, hello. Just giving back some memories. Oh, it sure does. Well, hang on. Steamy, yes.

34:53Mike Minogue:But this is just a separate toilet.

34:55Keyzie:Yeah, I know. Yeah. Did some steamers in there, that's for sure.

35:01Mike Minogue:Right, okay. Obviously, it's a toilet. Cool. I used to use this one, actually.

35:04Keyzie:I don't know if you guys are the same. Do you have a partner, Gareth, by the way?

35:07Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's at work right now.

35:09Keyzie:Because you've got your en suite, of course. I never used to do that when I did a steamer because they were horrific.

35:14Mike Minogue:That's great. It's a nice hallway, isn't it, Gareth? Always at midnight. Sure is, Alice.

35:17Keyzie:This brings back some memories. Always at midnight too, my steamers.

35:21Mike Minogue:Right, so what are you talking about? Oh, look. My husband and I, we've got a very healthy sex life. I can tell. Nothing wrong with that. No, there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I don't need to know that you did it on the breakfast bar as well. So this hallway? Yeah. Yeah. Alice? Memories.

35:34Keyzie:This place is just oozing with our sexual history.

35:40Mike Minogue:I tell you what. What the hell's a sexual? If these walls could talk, that's a holy hecka. Yeah. Oh, here we go.

35:49Keyzie:These walls would say, hello. Bedroom then. Let's have a look in here. Oh, yeah.

35:54Mike Minogue:Just have a quick look, right? Because I don't need this whole like.

35:56Keyzie:See all the old. I'm not blaming you for this, by the way, Gareth. The old dents in the wall there, love. The old swing got a bit. You know, we're going a bit hard on the swing and banging into the... I just wanted to talk about that.

36:09Mike Minogue:Can we get those patched up?

36:09Keyzie:Oh, this is a nice bed. It's... Oh, weird thing. Weird thing, Gareth. Hi, Alice. We never, ever made love on that bed.

36:20Mike Minogue:Oh, okay. Thank goodness for that because this house came furnished, so I appreciate that. Anyway, are you happy with everything?

36:27Keyzie:Huh?

36:28Mike Minogue:Are you happy with everything?

36:30Keyzie:Just have a little look through the drawer here.

36:33Mike Minogue:Well, no, you can't go through my drawer. That's my personal private property.

36:36Keyzie:Oh, here we go, love. What do you got?

36:37Mike Minogue:What is that? What's that? Hang on. No, that's not mine. What is that? Hello. What is that? Hello. No, but seriously, what is that? Hello.

36:47Keyzie:I'm not sure this is all G, but fill your boots.

36:50Mike Minogue:The Hodaaki Big Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaaki.

37:01Mike Minogue:It's Bear and Pied July. on Radio Hoda Geeks.

37:05Keyzie:Sure bloody is. Actually, on that front, we were talking last week about having a pie during breakfast, but Pugs said they'd run out of pies. Has there been a new delivery, Pugs, son? Oh, yeah, good stuff. Heaps of them, man. Dad's pies, of course.

37:18Mike Minogue:They've also given us 20 grand to give away to the backbone listeners out there. Whenever you hear the pie rates, the pirates, you call 0800-HODAKI. You get your share,$250 cash instantly if you're the lucky one that makes it through.

37:31Keyzie:How bloody good, Keezy. Let's go to the phone lines. G'day, Billy, your man. Barson, how's life?

37:36Mike Minogue:Great, thank you. How are you, boys?

37:37Keyzie:Yeah. Good, thanks, mate. Good, thanks, mate. Tell me, Billy, what do you do for a crust?

37:41Mike Minogue:I'm a builder. Oh, yeah. Back, back, back.

37:43Keyzie:So when you're on the site there, Billy, with your blue V, what do you like? What sort of pie are you running?

37:50Mike Minogue:This is a bit of a rogue one, but I love a chicken, cranberry and brie.

37:53Keyzie:Oh, yeah.

37:54Mike Minogue:Fancy guy. Yeah, fancy guy. What do they say about that when you get down to the site, mate? or do you have to go into the portal and eat that? Because that's the flash. Yeah, keep that one quiet. Yeah, yeah, good on you, mate. Hey, Billy, it says here you're from Southland, mate. What's it like being a builder over winter down south? Oh, tough times, Keezy, tough times.

38:13Keyzie:Yeah, that's why you have to pound the bears, Keezy, to warm you up. I mean, the bears.

38:18Mike Minogue:The pies. The pies. Well, you could pound the bears as well, I suppose.

38:22Keyzie:But no, you certainly should not be doing that. Well, good stuff, Billy. You've just won yourself$250 cash.

38:30Mike Minogue:Awesome, guys. Thank you very much. You're right, mate.

38:33Keyzie:Get it in you.

38:34Mike Minogue:You hold the line, mate. Pugs will sort you out, all right? Awesome. Cheers, guys. Thanks, mate. Lovely fella there. Billy from down south. Yeah.

38:41Keyzie:Oh, Bilster.

38:43Mike Minogue:You should pound the beers when you're down south. There's a bill arena.

38:45Keyzie:Yeah, pound the beers, man. Sorry, that was a slip of the tongue there, fellas. A slip of the tongue.

38:50Mike Minogue:I think what you meant to say was that Dad's Pies Proudly Bakes award-winning pies for pie-loving New Zealanders.

38:55Keyzie:Yeah, totally, man.

38:56Mike Minogue:Is that what you meant to say?

38:57Keyzie:Yes, totally. Pretty weird thing to get mixed up on. I'm actually really upset with myself because I forgot about that and I'm starving. Oh, yes. And I should have made myself a pie there. You should have.

39:07Mike Minogue:You know what I love is Jase comes in before and goes, they've locked the ACC room for the first time ever. He's like, they've locked it. And he's fuming about it.

39:15Keyzie:I didn't even know you could lock it.

39:17Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the reason they've locked it is because Jase keeps going in there and stealing food and now it's locked and he's fuming about it.

39:23Keyzie:Excuse me, Kesey. Why were you going in there? I haven't stolen chips for about a month now.

39:28Mike Minogue:Yeah, why were you going in there?

39:30Keyzie:Because I was seeing what sport was on their big TV there, their big 70-inch.

39:36Mike Minogue:That is the worst live I've ever heard in my life. Good for you, man. Shout out to Dad's Pies. Keep listening. If you hear the cue to call,$250 cash could be yours as well.

39:47Keyzie:Good stuff.

39:48Mike Minogue:Here's Skid Row. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

39:57Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Monday evening. You are listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Reburger.

40:06Mike Minogue:Serving good times and good food. Dine in or take away Reburger today.

40:20Keyzie:Tell me, Mogey, with your massively snotty honker, does it affect your taste buds? No, it hasn't, actually. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I've been good as gold there. Had some delicious little feasts over the weekend, a little knocky number on your Friday night there. I had a cannellini beanie experience last night with, made a, you probably had this as well, Keezy.

40:41Mike Minogue:I'm picturing you wearing a beanie with pictures of cannellini on it. A cannellini beanie. Yeah, nice. And made that last night, and I'll tell you what, this morning was an absolute disaster. Yeah, I can imagine. In the bathroom there. Yeah. So I'll talk you through it. I'm in there in the bathroom, Keezy. You know what I'm up to. Do you have to talk us through it? And then there's a little rap on the door. And my daughter, she would like to go to the bathroom. I'm like, nah, because I'm going to be here for a while, Keezy. You called her Keezy? Nothing's going to move me. Anyway, within about two or three seconds, I start feeling guilty.

41:18And then I say, are you just going to, what are you doing? You only want to go number ones or do you want to go number two? She's like, I only want to go number ones. so out I go and I say right be quick three minutes later I'm saying what's going on in there what's taking so long I'm going to the toilet yeah what are you doing number twos so she lied to me she lied to me to do a steamer before you

41:40Mike Minogue:that's good stuff

41:43Keyzie:good stuff man with that in mind well no actually not with that in mind what are you having for dinner

41:50Mike Minogue:I don't want that in mind ever We accidentally ordered food bag We forgot to shut down our account

41:57Keyzie:Yeah we've done that

41:58Mike Minogue:And what we've been sent is four of the least us meals ever They send you the worst ones They must do because all four of them we're just like Oh my god what is this

42:07Keyzie:You're not into it

42:09Mike Minogue:Last night was a risotto it was actually pretty nice I don't like risotto though I wouldn't choose it And so we've got another one tonight I can't remember what it is but I'm not excited But hopefully it proves me wrong What about you Jase

42:19Keyzie:Well I just suggested a hot pot But my wife said no We're having creamy tomato soup With cheese toasties That sounds yum I can live with that That's a ripper I mean just a bought tomato soup You mean she's going to make a tomato soup It's very easy to make a tomato I make a mean tomato soup

42:43Mike Minogue:Okay well make us one this week and bring it in

42:45Keyzie:Well give me some cash so I don't have to buy the tomatoes myself. They're very pricey. No, no, you do. Because I use fresh tomatoes. As opposed to? As opposed to your canned... Tomatoes. I can't wait to have that, yeah. Cheers, Jase. No worries, fellas. Here's Green Day.

43:06Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

43:12Keyzie:Kings of Leon there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. the time. 12 minutes past 6 o 'clock.

43:21Mike Minogue:What's on the news? With me, Casey. Fellas, pork mints has a special place on the big show, doesn't it? Sure does. Because for a while there I kept eating meals with pork mints in it. You still are, Casey.

43:39Keyzie:Come on, brother. Don't lie about it.

43:40Mike Minogue:I just keep quiet now about it because I know that you guys will turn it into a thing.

43:43Keyzie:Well, it was more because your wife was getting embarrassed about it.

43:45Mike Minogue:Well, she was. My wife likes pork mints. Very yummy and Vietnamese-style dishes. You know, spicy, bit of mayo there, some delicious wraps. Trough-o'-pork mints. Trough-o'-pork mints, which is a weekly favourite in the Keezy household, which is just a trough, a ladle.

44:02Keyzie:And it's a very lean meat, too, Keezy.

44:04Mike Minogue:And some pork mints. Yeah, totally, Jase. Someone on Instagram, lovely person, messaged me, being like, and I'll have a search through my DMs now just to get the actual name because I should credit them. They were like, oh, Keezy, have you seen this, mate? It was an article about this new thing called Bork Mints. Oh, yum. Bork Mints. And I was like, what the hell is that? So I looked into it. Turns out, because with the rising cost of beef mints, which apparently has gone up more this year than it has since the increase, is more this year than they first started counting back in 2006. Then they first started counting.

44:38Mike Minogue:Then when they first started counting it. Sure. Keeping stock on it. Here's the one counting the mints. Keeping track on it. The mints. She's bloody expensive now Whereas pork mince is not only more delicious But cheaper So you know what they've done They're mixing the two together And they're now selling bork mince As like a cheaper alternative to beef mince They should call it Beak mince Beak mince It's like the same thing Except if a Jace packs it You've got that massive beak, man. You've got that honker over there. So how do you guys feel about mixing beef and pork together? Mints. Because I'm not, I don't know, I'd rather just have the pork mints.

45:24Mike Minogue:Thanks very much. So what are they trying to achieve by doing that exactly? Making beef mints more cost effective. You know what I mean? But it's like, hey, newsflash, just eat pork mints. Bloody yum. Yeah, I don't know about that, actually. It depends what prices we're talking about here. Keezy, very interesting. Very interesting. Thank you. Are they calling it Borkmint, you say? What about Berkmint? Berkmint? What would that be? Beef and pork, but just a better name. Berkmint. What do you think on this, Jason? Are you still sad about the beak comment? Even though you've been going off about large honkers all show.

46:01Mike Minogue:Well, let's be honest. I have... Cody, Jay, that is an award-winning honker. I have absolutely no opinion On Borkman's?

46:12Keyzie:On what I consider to be, in my, I don't know, 15-year radio history, the worst radio content I've ever had the misfortune of listening to.

46:26Mike Minogue:Did you hear Mogi's quip about what if it was Honkermans? Then you'd be gobbling it up.

46:36Mike Minogue:Anyway, yeah, hey, ads? The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

46:45Keyzie:Rage against the machine there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening, the time, 26 minutes past six o 'clock. A sporting feast over the weekend, fellas. Let's get into it.

47:02Yeah.

47:05Mike Minogue:What do you want to start with there, fellas?

47:07Keyzie:Well, I think we should obviously start probably with the Football World Cup. Spain v Argentina. Drama, drama, drama. As you'd expect for a World Cup final. A tight affair. Tense. Lots of drama. A send-off. But Messi, the poor bastard, didn't get the final sign-off he wanted. Spain taking it out 1-0 an extra time. Did you watch the game, Jase? No. I watched it and it was a dower. It was boring. Boring affair Yeah I found it boring Weirdly Argentina just sort of Seemed to from the opening minute Shut up shop And be aiming for a penalty shootout Right They had zero attempts on goal In the entire game Where Spain had in excess of 20 attempts on goal And when you look at the Sort of who's in possession They have that meter thing right Like who's dominating the game Spain dominated about Must have been 90 % 85 % of the game.

48:06Wow. Anyway, it was a bloody boring game. Messi won, I think, last time around, so I don't care if he misses out this time. Let's talk about him coming back again. It's a shame. I enjoyed the World Cup, generally speaking, but that was a shocker.

48:18Mike Minogue:I found that a boring end.

48:20Keyzie:Finals often are, though, because people don't want to give it up. So that's a bugger. The All Blacks versus the Irish. Very much looking forward to this Test match. Some very encouraging signs, I thought, from the All Blacks. I've got to say, Ireland were a bit off their game. The first half especially. A lot of drop ball. And I don't know if that's because of the pressure we were putting on them, but they didn't have a great first half. I'll tell you what I'm liking. Tupo Vai on the flank. I think that's a win-win. I'm liking McKenzie at fullback. He's a dangerous bastard. He is.

48:57Mike Minogue:He's always a threat. How good is McKenzie? And has he always been? He is just so consistently great. He's a good player.

49:02Keyzie:He's always been a really good player. Guts he has.

49:05Mike Minogue:My man in the match for that game. He was everywhere.

49:07Keyzie:And just some very encouraging signs. Of course, we're off to South Africa now. That's going to be a test. I can't wait for that. That's going to be brutal. It's going to be great because it's an actual proper tour. So they're playing provinces. They've got three games before the first test match. And they play each week. They've got the old dirt track, as I used to call them. Yes. So you get a midweek game as well. It's an old school tour. About time they brought it back. To make the all-black seasons a bit more interesting.

49:32Mike Minogue:Yeah. They're playing like the Sharks and the Stormers. and the Bulls and all those old things. I think it's like, the Lions. I think it's even like, it's even below that. It's sort of not even super team. It's like Norbertrans, Lyle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is even better as far as I'm concerned. Way better. Got the history. Also this morning, the Black Caps wrapped up their five day, one day series against the West Indies. They won it 3-1. Nail by to their keys. They won it by one wicket. Nine wickets down. I didn't get to watch any of that. Did you see any of that? Yeah, bits of it.

50:03Keyzie:this Fisher he's a young quickie looks good he ripped the off stump out of one of the West Indies batsmen so another good series victory over in West Indies it's not easy beating them in one day it's over there of course we've just come off the test series victory against England things going very nicely indeed for New Zealand cricket

50:26Mike Minogue:I understand there's some UFC mogy but just if anyone's listening right now what about Foxy we've already chatted about that Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to hear it, check out the podcast. It comes out at 7.30 tonight. 100%. And, yes, there was a UFC fight night yesterday. It was Drikas Duplassi versus Kamaru Usman. Drikas, he is one of the blokes that's beaten Israel Adesanya recently, but he got his beans about a year ago and has taken a whole year off. This is his first fight back. It was good. It went to decision over five rounds with Drikas Duplassi, taken it out and possibly sitting himself up for a rematch for the title.

51:04Mike Minogue:I enjoyed it. Actually, not a bad card. Good stuff. Coming up next, fellas, our advice segment, which we haven't done in a while because we're on breakey. It is meetpattynip69. If you ever need advice on anything, it is a real email address. meetpattynip69 at gmail.com. Get stuck in. Good stuff, man. Here's R.E.M. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

51:26Keyzie:She-Hard there on the Hodaki Big Show this Monday evening. The time is 6.38. Fellas, let's give out some advice.

51:35Mike Minogue:Meet Paddy Nips 69 at gmail.com. Get in touch with the fellas. It's a real email address. Meet Paddy Nips 69 at gmail.com. If you get in touch, it's 100 % anonymous. With the fellas. Nice. It's 100 % anonymous And you get a prize if it's read out on the show

51:57Keyzie:Oh is that food they're bringing in there? Looks like food they're bringing in there Stop getting distracted by people

52:01Mike Minogue:Outside the window here Because people listening got no idea

52:06Keyzie:They don't know Well I was just describing the fact that there might be food going past Right?

52:11Mike Minogue:Hey fellas this one comes from anonymous G'day there fellas Long time emailer, first time listener The old switcheroo I like it I found myself in a whore of a situation here I've entered somewhat of a casual relationship With the youngest sister Of my mate's partner Yeah Okay So His mate's dating a chick Does it matter if it's I'm interested to see if the fact that it's the youngest sister Comes into play Younger sister Just yeah What does he say? Youngest or younger? Younger Okay They are quite different to each other physically Or so I thought After a night of using some of the excellent tips From my childhood hero Steve Mudgeway aka Jace's character in Seven Periods with Mr Gormsby we endeavoured to make way to home base it was at this moment I realised that this young lady looks just like her sister in this particular lighting under this realisation my flag flew at half mast and I felt like a terrible human because I felt like I was sleeping with my mate's partner do I just bin this whole situation or continue you.

53:21Mike Minogue:Cheers, anonymous. It's tricky. It's tricky. I mean, I don't think it's that tricky. Well, it is tricky. Well, it is tricky based on what the reaction there is. Yeah, well, he can't do... Ah, physically, yeah, true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually have a friend that this happened to without a word of a lie. Without a word of a lie. Now, the full story can't be told on the radio. What's his name? Perhaps I could tell the story on the podcast tomorrow. But the long and the short of it was he had my mate we had a mate there was a group of mates one of the mates also has a sister and one of the mates became very very friendly with the sister and a similar very very similar thing happened now you see in this situation he's saying that there's a resemblance a similar thing was the issue Right, but in your situation was it a guy with a sister?

54:24Mike Minogue:Yeah Well this is at least two sisters, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah Jase, what's your read on this?

54:35Well, look your body has made the decision for you your mind has made a decision your subconscious a decision for your body Now, it's not correct, but it's also actually quite good because it means that, you know, you are a good human being and it feels like you'd be cheating with your mate's partner. Yes. So your body's making the right decision on your behalf, even though it's actually wrong.

55:01Keyzie:Well, yes, and also, yeah, because he's not doing anything wrong here. No. So there should be no guilt attached to this scenario. The mate's partner. He's only creating the guilt in his own mind. His mind is betraying him.

55:14Mike Minogue:The mate's partner might also be a very attractive woman. Don't be saying anything about being attractive or not. No, I'm just saying. Why would you bring that up? Oh, wow. Oh, is that bad? Is it saying? Oh. Is it?

55:25Keyzie:Whoa.

55:28Mike Minogue:Holy. I mean, she might be ugly.

55:31Keyzie:Oh.

55:33Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

55:44Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's the big show done and dusted for your Monday afternoon slash early evening. Oh, no, wait. Podcast outro clip. Hey. Did we do a podcast today? Of course we did. Yeah, that's right.

55:59Mike Minogue:Of course we did a podcast. It comes out at 7.30 tonight. It's bonus content. And the podcast was so interesting, we did a special disclaimer.

56:06Keyzie:Can I just put a disclaimer in here? In no way are we, you know, claiming anything good or bad about drugs. Oh, you are. I mean, I am. I'm saying I'm deeply paranoid of them. You're saying you love them and everyone should do.

56:20Mike Minogue:Yeah, so it was the Hoity J druggy special.

56:23Keyzie:Yeah.

56:24Mike Minogue:Where Jase sort of just went through all the drugs he's done in his time and the effects and whatnot.

56:28Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed. Go and check that out. It's a hell of a podcast. Maggie, early to, no, Din Din's. maybe, and then get tucked up in bed with your little hot water bottle and then have a nice little snooze till 6 in the morning. I've got, well no, it'll be waking up 50 times between now and then, but I've got an electric blanket. Do you guys run an electric blanket? No. No, you don't either. A little bit of an electric blanket there fellas.

56:52Mike Minogue:I wouldn't mind one because I keep hopping into bed and being frozen. I don't know what my sheets, I think they're cotton. But you don't run a flannelette either, so you're doing a couple of shockers. You run the same kind of sheets year round. Yeah, I run really nice cotton sheets, which my wife loves, but they're just freezing. And I sleep naked. So do I. I just nestle in feels. So do I. I've had to start nestling it as well. Yeah, but it's nestling. You don't want to get in and go, oh yes, it makes you look forward to bed. So that's bloody good. So I might sneak in there and watch a bit of tally on my laptop.

57:22Keyzie:Yeah, good stuff, mate. Keezy? Some terrible dinner and then maybe a red wine, a bit of gaming. Doosh, doosh, doosh.

57:30Mike Minogue:Yeah, probably we'll do a bit of gaming tonight because we're not on breakfast this week, fellas. So my wife will go to bed, I'll start up late and do some doosh doosh. Get in the chat rooms. Oh no, my hamstring, my hamstring. What game is that? Where's the wizard? What game is this? Where's the wizard? I've blown a hamstring, where's the wizard? But yeah, Jase, what about you tonight man? What's the plans?

57:52Keyzie:I'm just going to eat like a pig tonight. I'm starving. So the usual? Yeah, well I don't usually eat like a pig. So yeah, a couple of bowls of soup, cheesy toasties. Yum. Bit of tally. That is yum, man. Yeah, it is yum. I'm looking forward to it. It'll be good. But now check out the podcast. Check out the Instagram. There's heaps going on there. Until tomorrow, good night.

58:15Mike Minogue:Bye.