FULL SHOW: Keyzie the gambler

20:08Until next week, Charlie. Yep, nah, see you, fellas. Good on you, mate.

20:13Keyzie:Miss you, baby. Here's Guns. Roses. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Guns. Mmm. Roses there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

20:40Yeah. Yes, that's right. Fellas, I don't really watch anything over the weekend, I don't think, except for the Waz. And I even missed Israel Adesanya lose for the fourth time in a row. So that was devastating. What's happening there, you reckon? For me, I wasn't worried about missing it because I just feel like he's lost his mojo and he should stop. And it makes me sad. And knowing when to stop is difficult. It's got nothing to do with me. He can do whatever he wants. But for me, I just get a little bit sad when they're not at their peak. I love him and I hate seeing him lose. kills me. Absolutely hate it.

21:17But anyway, fellas, tomorrow, and some sad news for you guys, I've got tomorrow off. Taking the day off the show. So everybody out there still tuning in. I know it's not the same. Of course. It's going to be amazing. Big Dilly's going to come in for a bit of chat. What's he into? What's Big Dilly into? You don't want to know. Seriously,

21:34Keyzie:it's disgusting. It is. It is bad. But the reason why I'm not going to be here is because I'm going out for the 10th anniversary cast and crew sort of screening for Hunt for the Wilderpeople. It's a 10-year anniversary of its first release. Wow. And you'll remember, of course, that I played a pivotal role in that movie. You were one of the hunters? I was one of the hunters, that's right. You and Coen Holloway? And Stan Walker. And Stan Walker, yeah. Yeah, we were the three hunters. And, of course, you'll remember my name in that. Kesey was old Joe the Hunter. Joe the Hunter. I'm amazed that he got a name because he didn't have a hell of a lot to say.

22:10No. In the film. Oh, he did. A lot of it, I don't know. Taika said it was cutting room floor just because they ran out of time. There's a really big storyline for Joe. He falls in love, all sorts of stuff, but they had to cuddle out just a bit short on time, which is a shame. So I'll be out there. Taika will be there along with all of the cast, Julian Dennison, Rachel House, Troy Kingy, Cohen Holloway. I'll be missing people. Oh, Sam Neill. Oh, yes. He's a big one. So they've got these big screenings happening, and they've got them happening all Easter, so you can go along and watch them. I think they start from Wednesday and then go all the way through till Sunday or Monday.

22:48Can I just say, if you're sitting here listening to this and you haven't seen Hunt for the Wilderpeople, it is my all-time favourite New Zealand film. Is it really? A hundred percent. Wow. Because I went and saw it at the pictures with my wife and I went in there going, oh, this will be fine. Yeah. And I left there being like, that movie ruled and we went again the next weekend and watched it again at the pictures. That must have happened quite a lot because it's the highest gross scene New Zealand film of all time. And I think there was a lot of repeat watches. Yes, and it's not just funny, but it's really heartwarming and at the start and the songs and stuff and the whole time when I'm watching it, I'm like, I reckon I could survive as a wilder person with Sam Neill and Julian.

23:29The Hunters made it look easy. 100 % I can imagine, yeah. But my favourite was by far Joe the Hunter. I wanted more from him.

23:37Keyzie:So good. I didn't like it. Um, fellas. What I was going to say is if you haven't seen it, go and see it this weekend. Yeah, totally. It's a great film. It is a great film. Um, I watched a home movie last night. Hey, here he is. You know what I'm saying, fellas? Gross. Dear. How long was it? Well, yeah. It's a good question, Moggy. I mean, there was no measuring going on, I can tell you that much. Was it a porn? Pardon? What was the home video of? It was actually my wife's mum. Holy heck. What? And she... Even from you, that's weird. She made... Yeah, we've right out of time here. She made a whole movie...

24:20Keyzie:Oh, hang on. ...about her dad. Oh, what? Who was actually... What? He was a war hero. Thanks, man. He was a war hero. I don't want to know the scenario. He was a war hero. True story. There's been a book written about him as well. Don't tell me he got taken captive. Over in Italy there, he got captured and then escaped and became a lone wolf in this small village in Italy and became famous amongst the locals. They called him Franco. His name was Frank. And he blew up German installations, blew up railway tracks, got rid of all the bad Nazis around the place pretty much by himself. So he left the good ones alone.

25:04Keyzie:He left the good Nazis alone and blew up the bad ones. But in all seriousness, he was a hero. There's been a book written about him. And so my wife's mum, whose dad it was, she went over there and sort of retraced his steps. Wow. And made a movie about it. It's very good. How many buzzies out of five? Two. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. You're welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Monday. You're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by the one and only Toledo. Rehydrate the right way with Toledo's real ingredients and natural colours.

25:49Toledo's.

25:50Keyzie:That's how you do it. Have we had any feedback from Toledo's about this new sort of sting that we're running here? Yeah, they text through, can you stop it? That was last week. Right, okay. We just ignored it. Can we plough it on? Yeah, we're going to make it work, fellas. We are going to make it work. I know a good thing when I hear it. Totally. Yeah, yeah. Totally. Hey, huge hour coming up, fellas. Mogi went out on Saturday night. I sure did. That's huge. Holy moly. I sure did. You all right, man? Not really, man. I'm still recovering. I reckon Wednesday should be about right. Yes. And Jase got his hair washed.

26:24Keyzie:It was hot, man. No, seriously. What? It was hot. And I... It's funny, isn't it? because you guys are usually so observant when I get something new happening. Yeah. Today, not a word. No. What about your new haircut? Yeah, not a word. Yeah. Is that a new hat that you're wearing on top of your new haircut? No, Moggy. Do you not have x-ray vision, Moggy? Also, keep your ears peeled. It's not the same. Yes. It's keeping your eyes peeled. Keep your ears pierced because at some point soon, the Magic Round cue to call will play. And if you get on the old horn there and give us a call on 0800 HODAKI, you could get yourself in the draw.

27:06Keyzie:Beautiful. In the meantime, here's the killers. Turn it up. The HODAKI Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio HODAKI. Stinkfist there on the Radio HODAKI Big Show by Tool. Wasn't that your nickname in high school? Jase? Jase I went out on Saturday night man I meant tall by the way They just call you a tall Did you mokey

27:35That's how you do it fellas I did and against my bit of judgement Because I also went out alone I didn't go out with my wife Yes She managed to avoid it Now I don't like leaving the house on the weekends Generally speaking Especially at the moment Well only at the moment Because I'm not drinking So if I'm leaving the house so it can be a bit tempting. So I just like to stay in. Yes, I understand. Get to be by about 9 o 'clock, you know. But I thought I'd go out. Now, it was miles away is another thing. So it'd take about half an hour to get there, half an hour, 40 minutes. And then when I get there, I don't even want to really do the thing that I've got to do.

28:10So it's sort of like one of those things where, you know, it's like with family and friends and things, you've got obligations, duties. Yes. But you don't want to do it. Of course you don't. Yeah, yeah. But you do it because you have to do it. Yeah. Because you do it not because you want to, not because it's got any merit, but because it's the right thing to do. Yes. What was it? What were you doing? I had to go and see Jace's wife's play. Seed. Seed. Seed. Now, it was out at the Tits, Titarangi Playhouse, or Titarangi Theatre. Yes. I've not seen a play there before. Yeah. God, she's a long bastard of a drive.

28:49If you don't live out there, if you live out there, it's fine, because it's right on your doorstep. Yeah, totally, totally. Not for me though, miles away.

28:54Keyzie:That used to be my trip home every day, Moggy. Did it? Yeah, of course. And then. Did it? Yeah. It's bloody miles away. I didn't know you lived in the tits. Well, just down from the tits.

29:07Beautiful little township, can I say that? It's lovely. It's really pretty. I've been there relatively recently for a mate's 50th and drove through there, but it was fair bustling when I went to the play there. There's a few different bars and things. Of course, when I came out, the whole place was dead. She was all over. Yeah, it shuts down pretty early out west. Yeah. So I got in there to the play there and I thought I'd go and get myself some treats from the candy counter there. A couple of old times, classic, you know, sort of small sort of suburb theatre, a couple of old timers there. Yes.

29:39Lovely, lovely people. Got myself a small thing of Pringles and a chocolate bar for seven bucks. That's way more enjoyable than booze, Mogi. It's like a time warp out there. Totally, man. You can't buy anything for$7. It's incredible. So I had to go on to the manager. I said, listen to me, you idiots are leaving money on the table here. You've got a captive audience here. You need to double your prices. So they've taken that on board, so that's happening moving forward. So possibly going to be less people going to the theatre moving forward. Yeah, too expensive. But it was sold out, man. Yes. It was absolutely rammed.

30:14Now, I understand Horeki had a bit to do with getting more people through the doors because we weren't talking about it on here so much, but there was not a backbone to be seen. It was all sort of your blue hair set or sort of teenagers, actually, quite a lot of teenagers. That's interesting. Yeah, it was.

30:30Keyzie:Well, that's kind of our audience, though, teenagers and the blue hair set. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, totally. And if I had watched the play, of course. Yes. My review is long bastard. Yeah. Duration-wise. Starting with that, are you? Started at 8. Right. And finished at 10.30. I got home at 11. Yeah, that's rough. Yeah, that's too long. Yeah, I agree. So that's my main sort of note. Yeah. But, I mean, you have to give the play credit because it builds up and it builds up and it is long, but then when you get to the end, the payoff is worth it. No, I was gone by the payoff. You need to beat the traffic, I find.

31:13Totally outwears. With theatre, sports, concerts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, if I had have left it, then all of those old people would have left. Yeah. I would have been stuck behind those bastards going 30 back to the city. Yeah.

31:25Keyzie:No, it's a fair point, Mo. Is it? Sorry, those old bastards. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, as I said to you when I went on the opening night, I ended up having to leave my car there because I got locked in by the library. They put the gate down. Yeah, that's right. I was bloody fuming. That's right. Oh, it's good stuff. Well, anyway, it was nice to be out, but even better to be home. I highly recommend going along to see the play if you can. It's finished now. Yeah, finished on Saturday. Sold out. Sold out, man. I got to park right outside. Yeah, of course you did, Keezy. Not to brag or anything there, fellas.

32:01Hey, here's Pluto. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed.

32:10Keyzie:Soundgarden there on the radio. So Hauraki Big Show this moody Monday afternoon. Hey, fellas, last week we had this thing where we set up this thing called a pot for the Warriors taking on the Tigers. And then they put old Keezy in charge of this thing called the pot. Yes. And then listeners could use their own money, put it in the pot, and then I would place bets, and then the listeners would reap the rewards of my bets. Yeah. Now, it's the first time we've ever done it. I've never been involved with it. Thought it would be really fun, and it was very fun. There was a group chat going. We raised a wee bit of money, put it in this pot.

32:46Guess how much money was in there? Was that quite high by the time we left here? Yeah, I'd go the same, yeah. $1 ,500 exactly. Oh. Was what was in there,$1 ,501. And this is listeners' money. And, of course, when you put money in and it's run by me, you are basically putting your financial investment into a guy on the radio. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

33:06Keyzie:If you're about to tell me that you bought some Lego, I'm going to be furious. No, no, I couldn't extract the money and use it to buy Lego, Jase. Oh, right, okay. What if I could, man? What if I could? Now, there's a group chat. It was running for a few days even, and I basically was like to everyone, hey, what bets do you think I should place on this Warriors game? And everyone was giving me advice. I then placed, took what they had to say into account and then placed some bets with the listeners' money, with$1 ,500. Yes. Did you place bets for all of it? That's what you're supposed to do, yeah.

33:39Keyzie:Right, okay. 100%. Now, so what I'm going to do is if I got the bet correct and if I got it wrong. Okay, so here are my bets. Now, let's just remember that the Warriors lost. Yeah, on our show, I predicted that the Warriors would win by 30. Yes. We lost by 20. Yeah, 100%. I was definitely 13 plus was. Everyone was on the same wavelength. Okay, so what do we got here? The very first bet. Now, this was my safe bet. Yes. Half the money, right? Jackson Ford to have over 150 run metres, over 31 points total that the Warriors would score, and Lekka Huller seemed to score a try. That was my safe bet.

34:27Oh, that was all three of those things had to happen. Yeah, it was a multi. It was going to be my safe bet. That was your safe one? Yes. Was that$750? That was$750. And guess what the first comment under it was? Come on, Keezy, this is vanilla. We don't want lights off missionary. Give us something good. Well, you know, in hindsight, that is lights out. That's a shocker. No, but they were saying it's a safe, boring bet. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, 100%. And so, okay, I was like, okay, cool, let's spice it up. And then I put$200 on Luke Metcalf to be the first try scorer. Right. First game back, you could see the narrative.

35:02If it was a runaway and he was there, they'd throw it to him to score on his return. Totally. The sensible way to look at it would be he hasn't played a game for almost a year. He hasn't even come back into reserve grade. He's only been at training. He's probably going to be pretty rusty. Yeah, take a while to get back into it. And by and large, pretty shithouse. Yeah, yeah. So Luke Metcalf first, try score it. How much on that? $200. Listener's money. That's$950 down. $950 in the hole. Okay. I haven't gambled$1 ,000 in my life. Neither have I. Neither have I. Next try, and once again, everyone was messaging the group telling me what I should bet on.

35:38Someone was like, I've got a good feeling about James Fisher-Harris. Okay, so 50 bucks, James Fisher-Harris, any time try scorer,$7.25 that was paying. So that didn't. That's a grand gone. Yeah. Right. Really good feeling. Everyone had a really good feeling about Jack. I love these good feelings that are coming through. A lot of people base it on knowledge.

36:01Keyzie:Yes. Percentages. Exactly. But we're going with feelings. 100%. Everybody's got different feelings happening at the same time, giving them a value of nothing. My safe value multi was based on knowledge. That was based on knowledge. It was. So the rest of them are all feelings. Yeah, so Jackson Ford to score a try, 200 bucks. Jackson Ford? He's scored tries in the last two games. That's how you know he's not going to score. Yeah, because he's used them all up, Keezy. Yeah, and I know the Tigers are really good defensively through the middle too and I was like, I don't think, and then they were like, nah, do it, Keezy, so I did.

36:35Keezy, Keezy. And then the rest of it, what are we at there? 300 bucks left. Yeah, the rest of it, no, I must have missed one bet, so I'll just, the rest of it I put on Tanner Stowers-Smith to score a try off the bench because they wanted me to put the rest of the money on the highest paying player to score a try. I lost all of the money. All of the money is gone. The listeners gave me $1 ,500 and I lost all of it. And the group chat went from very supportive and very fun to just a deluge of people absolutely giving it to me. Can we do another break with the comments? Is that possible? Because I've got more to talk about with this.

37:18I'm not done with this. Okay, sure. Yeah, let's drag this out. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

37:26Keyzie:Radio head there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. It's 20 minutes to 6 o 'clock and we were just discussing in the previous voice break how Kesey had a pot put together that he could gamble with the punter's money. There was$1 ,500 in the pot. $1 ,500 and I had to place the bets on the WARS game from Friday night. Yes. And there was a group chat going and everyone, you know, I reckon there would have been about between 30 and 50 people in this pot. Yes. And they each would have put, you know, 50, I don't know. Yeah. But it was really funny because everyone's got funny nicknames and the group chat and everyone's chirping and suggesting bets.

38:01I lost all of it. Every penny gone. Now what's funny about these is there's a few radio shows and things around the joint that do this thing that Kesey did last week and every single one of them loses every single week. Yeah. Sometimes they don't and it's a big deal. It's very, very rare. I couldn't even tell you how many times because I listened to a few of them, obviously, and they just – every man is an idiot. And no offence, Kesey, but the bets that have been made here are a disgrace because you're talking about I had a feeling. People in the chat had a feeling. Correct. And then next thing you know, oh, you've got, sweet,$750 on that feeling.

38:41Insanity. That one was an educated bet. Oh, sorry. That was my safe bet. How'd that go? No, lost, obviously. But, okay, so here's the thing. In the lead up, everyone was very supportive. suggesting bets and you've got to take what they say into account they've bought in they're shareholders a hundred percent and so i'm like yeah sure i'll place that for you and blah blah and we put it all together we lose everything and then instantly uh the you know the flick of a switch the group chat changes it changes from being quite entertaining to uh quite the opposite it reminded me of when i accidentally had a massive commentator's curse on shanel harris when he was about to kick and i said surely not even he will miss it from here two years ago and And then he did and we lost the game.

39:22We lost the game, yeah. And it was a deluge of hate texts. Yes. This was very similar. So people here, Apple Crumble says, I have lost an unfathomable amount of money on Keezy's shit bets. Hedgy88, Keezy, you suck. Smart Tactics, 398, looks like I'm walking to work. Oh, yeah, nah, wife is spewing. Told her Keezy's got us. Anyone got a spare pad to crash at? Broke boys. I think I speak for everyone here when I say I'd like to have an apology live on air on Monday that's from Josh412 let me just find the next ones here because it just does not stop oh yeah now one out of five buzies Keezy FFS you meat patty nipped bastard and that is from T Roy Lucia7 says ice cube sandwich for dinner tonight cheers for that mate it is yeah

40:14Keyzie:just went on and on and on and I'm not surprised I mean you couldn't have done any worse. No. You literally lost every bet you played. Yes, that's right. I mean, if you make eight or nine bets, surely maybe one of them comes through. Well, this is the issue. Someone on the group chat was like, have we not bet on the Tigers at all? Yeah. And I am like, I will never bet on the Tigers, ever against the Warriors. Absolutely not. Like, do I have to consider, do I now have to have happiness insurance? Well, yeah, there is that idea of you, generally would put some money on whomever is marking DWZ. Yeah, because he jams in and stuff.

40:54Yeah, he does a little bit. Well, he did at the weekend. He'd been good prior to that. Yes. Yeah, that would have paid quite a bit. I think we should keep a telly as well, Jay. So far, I've gambled nothing, and I'm at$0. So you're... Yeah. I'm even. You're even. You're even as well. I'm even. Keezy is sitting at minus$1 ,500. $1 ,501. But we'll be back in a month's time. We can do it all again there, fellas. and I'm not feeling the pressure at all. So just keep an ear out for that. Good stuff, mate.

41:24Keyzie:Here's the Black Crows. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Welcome back. The Big Show. Magic Round 3. Let's put another mad bastard on the bench. Yes, indeed, the Magic Round. The fellows will be going over there. Three days of rugby league action. Eight games, fellas. Eight games. How good, man. God, that sounds like heaven to me. Heaven on earth. It is, man. Third time, three years in a row, we have been heading over there. And the last two times, the Wars have had upset victories. Well, they beat the Panthers with a B team, and then they smoked the Cowboys.

42:04It was fantastic. I cannot recommend it. It's all thanks, sir, mates, at boystrip.co.nz. So if you want to guarantee your spot, go on that website, book a package. Otherwise, jump on the old phone there.

42:13Keyzie:Yeah, let's go to the phone lines. G'day, Aaron, you mad bastard. How's life? Yeah, good, mate. How are you? Yeah, good. Good, thanks, mate. What do you do for a crust, Aaron? What do I do for a job? I'm a boiler man from Fonterra. Oh, I'm at the boiler. Yeah, nice. And if you were to win, Aaron, who would you take with you? Who would I take? Oh, I don't know. Probably my 14-year-old son. Oh, nice. Yeah, backbone. Yeah, that'd be good, actually. A bit of father-son time. Yeah, absolutely. Good on you, mate. Well, I'll tell you what. You're in the draw. Stay on the line. and Big Dilly will take care of you, mate, all right?

42:47Daddy, cheers, guys. Thanks, mate.

42:49Keyzie:G'day, Sam, you mad bastard. How's life? Yeah, pretty grouse yourself. Yeah, good, thanks, Sam. Good weekend, Sam. Yeah, wasn't too bad. Wasn't too bad. Yeah, good, thanks, mate. Good, Sam. Good. What do you do for a crust, Sam? Account manager. Oh, backbone. Who doesn't love account managers, man? Hey, Sam, it says here that you're a Storm fan. 100%, brother. Mmm Hang on a minute man We're just going to have a little chat amongst ourselves Yeah hang on This guy sounds like a dick Yeah he sounds like an arsehole I don't know that I He's just giving me really weird vibes Yeah the same He's a shock You know what I mean He's a shocker bastard While he gets on the piss Yeah good news man You're in the draw brother Oh cheers brother Thank you very much Hold the line Sam Till he'll look after you brother Alright one more Let's go one more G'day Alex How's life Yeah going good fellas How you going Yeah good thanks Alex Alex, your backbone.

43:42Keyzie:What do you do for a crust? Oh, mate, I'm in sales selling New Zealand-made Kiwi plumbing products for the backbones in the construction industry. Oh, yeah, backbones. That's what I guess it, man. Yeah, backbones. You like the whas, man? 100 % whas. Yeah, boy. Storm chat. Yeah. Just hold the line there for a second, Alex. Fellas, I'm getting good vibes from Alex. You're getting good vibes? Sounds good, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. You're happy to put him in the draw? Yeah, I think so. What do you guys reckon? Good? Yeah, I like him. Hey, great news, Alex. You're in the draw as well, mate. Thanks, legend.

44:16Keyzie:Yeah. Hold the line, brother. I get the feeling that Alex doesn't get overexcited about stuff. Nah, mate. He's one of those dudes. Win, lose, or draw. Yeah, he's just chill the entire time. Just like Hoity J. Yeah, man. If you missed out, another chance to get yourself in the draw on tomorrow's big show, or maybe later today. We'll see how we go. We'll see how we're feeling. Yeah, okay, man. Sounds good, Keezy. Here's Stone Temple Pilots. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. You're welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Monday's going along very nicely indeed.

44:52Keyzie:You're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Toledo's. Why pause your thirst? Defeat it with Toledo's. Toledo's. So good, fellas. We found it, eh, man? What's for dinner tonight, guys? Well, I'm actually deep in discussion with my wife at the moment about what's for dinner because my daughter is still with us. And so we've been doing a lot of eating out team. In fact, there's been very little cooking whatsoever. It's just, oh, let's go here next and let's go here next. Is that your daughter suggesting that? My daughter absolutely is obsessed with food. She loves good food. It's her joy in life.

45:38Keyzie:It is no exaggeration. We had this amazing meal on Friday night, and she was so excited that she was literally bouncing in her chair. When she gets really good food, she actually starts bouncing in her chair going, Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's what toddlers do. That's exactly right. But she's just so into good food. How good? She's a bit of a gourmet herself. Hence why she's insisting on not eating at your place. Six out of ten. 6 out of 10 for your food, Jase. 10 out of 10 for that comic, Keezy. Thank you. That's 10 out of 10. What are you having, Mogey? Absolutely no idea whatsoever. Yeah, nice.

46:20It's a mystery meal for old Mogey tonight. My wife and I are still working. I don't care what you're having, Keezy. We're still working.

46:27Keyzie:No, I don't. Just keep it to yourself, pal. Pal? Don't pal me. Old buddy, old pal. I was just joking around, Jase, mate. Watch out, he's going to do it again No, I'm not I swear, I'm joking around And if you would have us over for dinner this week I would be stoked Here it comes Sure, what night? What time? Should we say six? Just joking It's another joke Hey, got him It's red hot chili peppers The Hauraki Big Show With Jace, Mike and Keezy Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki The darkness there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time, 14 minutes past 6 o 'clock. And fellas, over the weekend I had quite a deeply erotic experience.

47:20Keyzie:And it came from a place I wasn't expecting it to come from. It took me by surprise, which I guess is what made it quite erotic. Where did it come from? I was walking with my wife and my daughter. We just had lunch in the little marketplace down at Brita Mart there. Markets there every Saturday, apparently, just for the record. Just going to kill the sexy music until the family are out of the picture. Yeah, yeah. And we were walking through a little alleyway. Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about, fellas. We were walking through it. Oh, actually, just walking? Yes. Oh. And as we were walking through it, I saw a pretty cool, funky-looking barbershop.

48:05Keyzie:And I said to my wife and my daughter, hey, team, I might. Do you call your family team? Hey, team, listen, let's take a knee for a sec. Old Captain Hoyt just needs to.

48:20Keyzie:Yes, nice. and I said, would you guys mind if I just whip in and get a quick fade? That's what I said, actually. I did that. Oh, that's so cool. I did that. And they were like, yeah, that's fine. We'll go and do a bit of a shop around, go and get another coffee. And then did you say, great, break. Team on three. High five. High five, everybody. So anyway, I went into the barber shop and there was a young fellow there and there was no one in the barber shop. And he said, G'day, mate. And I said, G'day, mate. Just after a haircut, is that all good? And he said, Oh, just give me a second. He checked his book.

48:58Keyzie:No bookings. Because he asked me if I booked and I said, Nah. So he said, Yeah, that should be fine, man. And then I was sitting there and my hair had already been made up for the day, fellas. Oh, yeah. You know, it was looking good. It was looking pretty sharp. I didn't even know that I needed a haircut. But I wanted to get a bit of fade action going on on a holly jay there. And he said, what are you after? I almost had a fade, man. Number two. And he went, yep. Sorry, the toilet's out of order. No problem at all, man. No problem at all. And a bit of length off the top there. I said, yeah, why not?

49:33Keyzie:Just an inch or two. And he said, have you put products in your hair today? And I said, when does the sexy part happen? Well, I'm getting to that, Kesey. This is typical of you. You just want the sex straight off the bat. We've got three minutes into this thing. You've got no sense. This is the foreplay. You've got no sense of foreplay at all. Yeah, true. Carry on. And he said, have you got product in your hair? And I said, oh, yes, I do, actually. And he said, we better give it a wash then. And I, true story, no one's ever washed my hair for me before. Oh. And he took me to the. In film, they would have washed your hair.

50:09Keyzie:No. Really? No. Ah, that's how I give it. Yeah. They put that dry shampoo in, you know, where it just, is it like a powder? But anyway. I use it on my dog. He took me to a back room and he said, just lay back here, old chum. And I lay back in this, you know, specially designed sink there. Poor, he's not too hot, is it? And I was like, nah, man, that feels good. Yeah, nice, man. It feels good. And he lathered me up. Did he lather you up? He lathered me up so good. Struth. So good, man. and he had quite firm hands. And I, I don't know, I just, I felt good, fellas. How good? Real good. There's a bit of strain going on.

50:58Keyzie:Then he washed it out, put a bit of conditioner in, and I said, get in there. Really? Conditioner as well? Yeah, conditioner, yeah. Yeah, he was. Far out. This guy's a pervert. What for putting conditioner in? What kind of sicko conditions what he jizzes here? Yeah, true. At least I think it was conditioner. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed. The cure there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. Let's give out some advice, fellas. Be Paddy Nerd 69. Ntml.com. Get in touch. With the fellas! Can you stop ruining this thing?

51:46It's so much better, Kesey. It's actually better than the questions. I think so. Especially lately. Let's see if it's different today. Okay, now, fellas, this one came through from a bloke called Dave. Rennie. Hang on, I've got the segments mixed up here. So, this one comes from Anonymous. And it's 100 % anonymous. Meet pattynip69 at gmail.com. If you get in touch with an advice question, we read it on the show, you get a prize. G'day there, fellas. Fellas. You were recently chatting about family cheek issues, which reminded me of a family oddity of my own. And when he says that, he means the whole, do you go in for a kiss on the cheek?

52:21How does that work?

52:21Keyzie:Yeah. Which has been a topic before. My wife's family is a bit interesting. They're from Hamilton. And a great example of creepiness came when my mother-in-law's friend, i.e. no direct family blood connection, was first introduced to me. And while going in for the requisite polite hug and maybe a cheek graze, she lined me up like a sniper lining up a target and aim for a direct kiss on my lips. I saw it coming at the last instant, turned my head just fast enough to protect my lips, an area reserved only for my wife, but there was still some ancillary side lip-on-lip contact. Oh, yeah, okay. Sorry, what is this relationship?

52:59So that was a friend of his mother-in-law's. Right, thank you. Yeah, yeah. I found this invasive, inappropriate, and a wee bit creepy. I'm mid-40, she's about 70. when the topic was later raised, I was told by both my wife and her mother to harden up and it's just what this person normally does and it's no big deal. What do you guys think? That was funny. When he was saying the things, I was thinking to myself, harden up. Really? That is really weird, but not in so many words. But I was like, come on, mate. What were the words he was using there? Invasive. What was the other thing? I can't remember.

53:28Creepy. Yeah, there's a few words there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, man. Yes. It's, um... You reckon it's all G? No, I don't think it's all G. I think it's funny. and gross. Well, exactly, right? He's a bit grossed out. Yeah, that's right, and that's all good. But it depends. I don't know. The way that he's framed it there, I can understand why the missus and the mother-in-law are going, oh, Jesus. Come on, man. Get over yourself. Old anonymous Dave's out of the den. Well, I just feel bad because I've accidentally named him, and now we're kind of bagging him a wee bit, if you know what I mean.

54:00Oh, no. That's not his real name. He's anonymous. Well, no, it is his real name. It says here that it's his name.

54:05Keyzie:You know, the thing is, Kesey, if Dave's got a problem with that... No, anonymous. He can write us another letter, but we probably won't read it because he needs to harden up a bit. And he can only win once. Yeah, that's right. Sorry, Jase, just confirming. It's an email. Yeah, cool. Okay. You didn't think people were writing letters into the journal. Just double check. And sending it to meetpattynips69 at Gmail. You went into the post. You just put a stamp on it and write meetpattynips on the front. We need to bring that back, man. I think, personally, a kiss on the lips is a bit... I think it's crook.

54:40Keyzie:You don't do kiss on the lips. No. No, okay. For nobody except your partner, I feel. Yes, agreed. And for me, that includes your kids. Yeah, no, I don't... No, I would never kiss my... You see people doing that. But I don't kiss my... I hug them, but I don't kiss them. No. Kiss on the cheek. Cheek for a kid, yeah. Yes. Because I think it was David Beckham was famously getting kisses from his kids on the mouth. Even once they were laid into the teens. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, no, that's weird. To me, it's odd. And also, yeah, mother-in-law's... Friend, random friend. Oh, wait. Yeah. Wife's friend.

55:21Yeah, actually, yeah, you're right. I hope that helps, Dave. I mean, anonymous. The Hauraki Big Show. weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

55:39Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad, mad bastards. That's the big show done and dusted for you Monday. We got through it as a team, as a team. Doosh, doosh. What's the podcast outro clip today, Keezy? The clip of today's outro just says, Idiot, and it comes out at 7.30pm tonight, wherever you get your podcasts from. Get him, get him, get him, get him. It's interesting family dynamics. Like I am definitely the idiot of the family. 100%. An idiot. 100%. And they just all look at me like an idiot. Yes. You know, it's like you were an idiot. And I go, oh, okay, that's it. Yeah. 100 % true though. Are you the idiot of your family, Mike?

56:22I think so. Yeah. I think so. I don't think I am. I think I'm kind of like that. There's not enough people in your family yet, though, to work it out. Once the kids get here and all that sort of stuff, you need to be viewed as an idiot, and you can only really be viewed as an idiot once you've got children. Yeah, right. I think so, yeah. You become ridiculous. Yes. Because right now I feel like me and my wife are a good team duo. We're both go-getters, and then the kids come along, and then you become an idiot. Yes. That's right.

56:51Keyzie:Well, it's amazing to me the amount of times my daughters crack up about something I say, and I don't know why. Yeah. And do they tell you? No. They just go, don't worry. So they're bullying you. Don't worry about it, Dad. It's good. It's like that age thing there, Keezy, where you think you consider yourself a young man, but as soon as you have a kid, you're so old. Yeah, yeah. Even if that kid was born today, and I know it's not literally today. It's a little while. Yeah. Yeah, my wife is not pregnant. That kid is going to be 34 years younger than you at least. So you are so old. Yeah, totally, man.

57:26So he just thinks you're the worst. But is there any way to sort of be cool in your kid's eyes? Keep wearing that Tony denim jacket, brother. Yeah, totally. And that other prison jacket you've got.

57:37Keyzie:Hey, Mogi, what time are you going to bed tonight?

57:45Ah, about eight. I reckon about eight. So in an hour. Yeah, honestly. I'll walk home and I'll have something to eat and I'll probably have a shower and I'll go to bed. I've got to get back on the chamomile tees. Yeah, man. That's me tonight. I'll let you know how I go. Crazy bastard. Yeah, mad dog.

58:01Keyzie:Keezy, what are you doing quickly? Watching the final of the Amazing Race Australia Celebrity Edition. Exciting. With my wife. What are you doing? I'm about to meet my wife and daughter for burgers. Okay. Yum. Bye! See you tomorrow.