FULL SHOW: Keyzie's Day

13:44We have such an amazing vibe in the studio Did I yell that as well? Exclamation, was there two at least? With Jase and Mike teaching me how to turn everything up to 150 % Laughs Chris When I was a student we'd gather round to watch whatever comedy show Jase was on So it's amazing now to be mates and work together I think of him as my uncle

14:15Keyzie:Your uncle? Yeah, you're my uncle Oh man What were you thinking? That's lovely, thank you Keezy Old Uncle Jizz

14:25Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show With Jase, Mike and Keezy Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki

14:32Keyzie:Back there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show This Wednesday afternoon The time is 4.41 And Keezy, you were away yesterday when Mogey and I and old Pugson were having hog chat.

14:44Mike Minogue:Yeah, hog chat.

14:45Keyzie:Because, of course, you and Mogey both have hogs now. Yeah. And I was feeling a little bit left out, sort of feeling like, well, you know, I want to be part of the gang as well. Well, it's not a gang. Well, that was the point, wasn't it, Mogey? Yeah, it is. Yeah, we were sort of saying that if there's two of us it's not a gang, but three of us is a gang. Right. So if Hoody Jizz can get himself a hog,

15:09Mike Minogue:A motorcycle. Then we become a gang, and then it's just a matter of what we call that gang. Right, so just confirming, because you're getting a street dog electric motorcycle. That's the plan, yeah. Definitely getting one? Yep. Okay, this morning I bolted the number plate on my old motorbike. It's officially ready to go, street legal. Wow. So that's one bike that starts sometimes. Another one that you haven't bought yet, but you're planning on buying. Yes, that's right. Okay. It's on order, essentially.

15:34Keyzie:And we were thinking, too, because you guys have gone quite low-key in terms of power, that maybe Hoardy J goes full hog. You know what I mean? Right. Your 600cc type kind of scenario.

15:49Mike Minogue:CC. Just so you know, 600cc is not very big in terms of bike specs.

15:52Keyzie:But compared, because you're like 250, right? 500 horsepower. Oh, well, I'll go 1500 then. Horsepower. But this is a true story, because I had to go and pick something up that I'd bought today from an auction house. And it just so happened that my wife and I were walking, we don't often go down this little street, and we were walking up this little street and the sun was streaming down and then, like, the gods had opened up. The gods. And the sun was shining down with shafts of light. Shafts. And it was like, it was a Vespa shop. And there was one beautiful, gleaming red Italian Vespa. Well, I guess they're all Italian, aren't they?

16:37Keyzie:Vespas, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I went, it's a sign from God, guys, that Hoity J gets a really cool upmarket Italian Vespa. That's a great idea, man. I thought you were going large. Well, I was, but then that happened. And it was very unexpected. And I thought to myself, surely this is a sign from the gods. They knew that I was looking for a hog, and they said, Hoity J, you've got to get a very cool Vespa. Do you believe in God?

17:12I mean, it's a sign from the gods. So that makes me think that maybe you don't believe in one true God, the Lord our Saviour.

17:20Keyzie:Can I say it was a sign from the heavens? It was a sign from the heavens. There we go. That's good.

17:26Mike Minogue:You were saying before the show that your one true God is horsepower. Yeah, that's right.

17:31Keyzie:That is true. Was it 1 ,500? Yeah, 1 ,500 cc's. No, it's not getting those two mixed up. They're two different things. Because, of course, like your electric motorbike, Mogi, you've got your option of your 50, it only goes 50k. Yeah. But it can go up to 150k. Yeah, that's right. And this one was the full 150.

17:51Mike Minogue:What, the Vespa?

17:51Keyzie:Yeah. That's pretty good, man. Me and a Vespa. In it. You're going to be in it. Mogi on his electric bike, Keezy on his shithouse farm bike. I mean, that is, that is.

18:05Mike Minogue:The funny thing is. One hell of a game. My bike is the only one capable of going faster than 70 kilometres per hour out of all the bikes we've got. Yeah, but yours doesn't start very often. Actually, we had to start it today and the battery was flat. But that's the joy of an old motorbike.

18:22Keyzie:Can you imagine the fellas in our gang cruising around the CBD or wherever we are, Mike and his electric bike, me and the Vespa. Just popping around somewhere for just like a coffee and a croissant. Yeah, totally. With our Stinkfish signage on the side of it. Oh, yeah, that's the name of our gang.

18:37Mike Minogue:So how intimidating would this be? Fist of stink. People are like, oh, God, there's a gang rolling up. We arrive at a cafe. Mogi comes in first with his e-motorbike and plugs it in. Completely soundless as well. So you're not going to annoy people with engines. And then Hoity J comes in on his scooter, a little open-faced helmet, pops that down. And then I come in pushing my bike because it's broken down. That's intimidating shit, man. That sounds awesome. That is a great gang, however you look at it. I'm in. What are we called? Stink fist? Well, no, fist of stink. Fist of stink. You like that?

19:14Mike Minogue:No. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

19:21Keyzie:ACDC there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time is 4.54. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

19:36Yes, yeah. Last night, fellas, I watched the pilot episode of a new series on Apple Television called Cape Fear. Okay. Cape Fear. It's been two films before. The first one was in, I think, the 50s with Gregory Peck and Robert Mitchum. Brilliant. The remake was directed by Martin Scorsese with Nick Nolte and Robert De Niro, which I think might be De Niro's best ever role. He's a mad bastard. Max Cady is a guy who goes to jail for a crime that he apparently did not commit. He was not guilty of. He did not commit. And he gets released from jail, and he tracks down the lawyer that he feels is responsible for him being incarcerated for about 15 years.

20:18Sort of takes it out on his family and stuff like that. Psychological thriller. This time around, it's Amy Adams as the lawyer. Oh, I like her. Chill out. Jeez. I just...

20:30Keyzie:She's a hell of a doctor. She's a great actor. Would you like to do a scene with it? Hell yes. Anyway. Javier Bardem is in the role of Max Cady in this one. Patrick Wilson plays her husband, couple of kids. It's set in the south, so it's a great location. Really bloody good. I think it's going to be a bit more gruesome than the originals. Set in the south, pretty freaky. It's one of those ones where I don't know if enjoying it is the right word because it's so tense. But as far as a pilot episode goes, bloody good. Four buzzies out of a possible five. That's Cape Fear on Apple television. I've got to sort my Apple prescription out.

21:15Honestly, there's heaps on there. Yeah, yeah, I know there is. There is heaps at the moment. I would wait until, I think they're coming out week by week. There's two episodes out now. I would wait until that whole series is out. Yes. Then I would jump on it because then you've got a whole bunch of shows that are out at the moment that you can blast through.

21:29Keyzie:Sounds good, Moogie. Similarly, I watched a TV series last night based on a film, Dangerous Liaisons. Do you remember Dangerous Liaisons? John Milkovich, Glenn Close. Might have been a bit of Wynonna Ryder in there as well. And I was thinking, was Michelle Pfeiffer in it? She was. Yeah. And back in the day, Kesey. Bridget E. Grant. Back in the day, you probably haven't seen it. Very sexy. I haven't seen it. very, very sexy. And it's basically set in the French Quarter. It's about how seduction gets you power. Yes. There's a lot of sex. Right. There's a lot of... I get it. There's a lot of... I get it.

22:12Keyzie:Grindy, sweaty sexuality. Now, you may have seen later on, Kesey, that got remade into the sort of the 90s, 2000s sort of teenification of everything, which was called Cruel Intentions. Interventions had one Philippi and Niamh Campbell in it, I think. Oh, yes, I remember Niamh Campbell. Anyway, it's a television series on neon. Didn't enjoy it. Oh, okay. I mean, I got what I needed from it in terms of, you know, I mean, it was pretty good viewing. What did you need from it? I love that sort of aristocratic kind of period stuff.

22:53Mike Minogue:Right, so it was the period stuff that you like.

22:55Keyzie:You know, so it scratched that itch for me. Right. But in terms of the storyline, not great. A bit loose. How many episodes deep are you? About a one and a half X. Okay. But, yeah, look, if you like that type of thing, go fill your boots. I'll give it 2.6 buzzies out of a possible five.

23:19Mike Minogue:And that's on neon. I think so, yes. Nice. No time for me, fellas. That's okay because we've got a big hour coming up next. We do. Boy, don't we. Here on the Big Show. A chance to get in the draw to join the Fellas over in Sydney for the big grand final. That's Jerry and Mania and G-Lane. And Matt. And Matt, randomly, like you said at the start of the show. Also, which one of the three Big Show members has been shoulder tapped to play the next James Bond? Yes. Find out after five. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

23:54Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're getting through your hump day okay. You're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Reburgeer.

24:01Mike Minogue:Handcrafted burgers, loaded fries, and gourmet eats that will change the game.

24:09Handcrafted. Yeah, man. Totally. That's so true. It's got a text through here on 3483. Mogi, your ability to tell a sports fact wrong with such confidence is to be admired. Yeah. Thanks, mate. What sports fact was that? Look, it could have been any. Could have been any. But I appreciate that. All too often what we get here is criticism. People will text in criticism. So it's nice to have a compliment come in.

24:32Keyzie:Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, no, I won't say that. Go on. No, if you're telling me a sport fact, I'm 100 % buying it. 100%. I know you and you do your research. Of course I do. You know what you're talking about. So whoever this person is on 3483 needs to go and take a bloody good look at themselves in the mirror.

24:55Mike Minogue:What I don't think we should do is just get real bogged down in what people texted on 3483. What about this one about you here, Keezy? Well, which one? There's about a billion of them. For example, I mean, people are still texting in and we're going to read these all out later on. Headlines for my Women's Day article. Yes. And then there's this one here about you, Horty J. Have you seen Seven Periods with Mr Gornsby? Bloke who plays Steve from Guidance is a real pervert. Isn't that you? What about this headline for my magazine? pissed ears and horrendous nips are no obstacle for greasy Keezy. So you know what I mean?

25:30Mike Minogue:So if we're going to get bogged down every time.

25:31Keyzie:I know.

25:32Mike Minogue:You know, there's a reason I don't read them, fellas. You know what I'm saying? Oh, this one, though. Hoity J is my favourite smiley face. That's bullshit. Yeah, no, no one sent that through there. You wish. It's royal blood. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

25:52Keyzie:Oasis there on the radio. Hauraki, big show this Wednesday evening. The time, 13 minutes past 5 o 'clock, and exciting news in the movie world, fellas. They're looking for the next James Bond. They're going to do another round of movies here. Craig Daniel, Daniel Craig, as I like to call him. Yeah. He's quit. He's done and dusted. Yes. He had a good run, though. Did about five, I think. He's my favourite Bond. Yeah, what did you think of him? I thought he was pretty good. No, he was very good. It was very controversial, of course, because Bond was always looked upon as dark-haired. And when he was a blonde Bond, people were like, no, no, no, that's all wrong.

26:31Keyzie:It's weird, the things you worry about. The thing that I wasn't so sure about is the way his ears were hanging off his head. I always found that a bit of a distraction. But it gave me hope, because my ears are hanging off my head. Yeah, and I don't think focusing...

26:42Mike Minogue:So I thought to myself, well, if he can do it, I can do it easy. I think you guys are doing two different things, to be honest.

26:48Keyzie:On that front, have I got some exciting news for you. Oh. And for you too, Keezy. Oh. Right. In terms of them looking for the next Bond, I've got you both a couple of auditions. Really? Which is... For James Bond? For James... Well, no, Mogi. For Bond? For Bond. Yeah. You've got that sort of silver fox look. They were very keen. You're well built. You're cut. Yeah. You're a good... You're an award-winning actor. Well, that's the thing. And I'm feeling... That's what people forget. And I don't let them, Keezy. I don't let them forget that. I've noticed. Well, and I make sure they don't forget either.

27:20Keyzie:they're all the casting agents, very keen. Because they like sort of the idea of a down under James Bond too. Right. You know, because we've never had one. I do a pretty smooth Oxford accent as well, so either way is fine with me. Yeah, totally. I can give them whatever they want in the room, Jase. You know, you can count on me, man.

27:37Mike Minogue:Well, that's exactly what I told them. Was it Officer Mogey and Wellington Paranormal that they liked and they sort of want to do a similar thing with James Bond? Can you be serious here for a second, Kesey? I mean, the reason why I won Best Actor in the World for that role, Kesey, was because of my comedic chops, whereas this would lean more into my sexual heat that I've got going on and my physical prowess. Yeah, right.

27:59Keyzie:I mean, he is, Mogi is crackling on the screen. Like pork crackling. He is crackling on. That's right. But, Keezy, and I know that you and I have had a sort of difficult sort of relationship in terms of me being your agent, you being looking for work. I have got you probably the biggest opportunity of a lifetime in terms of your acting career.

28:20Mike Minogue:Okay, so, and it's just to clarify, it's to do with the Bond movies that are upcoming. Absolutely it is, yes. And have you, did you manage, because we actually, you're not my agent anymore. No. So if this goes well, I'd be keen to have you back on board. Well, totally, mate. So, obviously. And if this goes well, I mean, I'll be stoked. Yeah, yeah, totally. So they came a knock-in for Moggy. Yes. And then you said, hey, we've got this other fella here.

28:44Keyzie:Yeah, well, I've got this other fella here. Would you be interested? And they said, actually, we would be, because this is the exciting news. And for James Bond aficionados, they'll remember this character. They're bringing a character back that was much beloved, which they want you to audition for. Right, okay. Because you know your Bond films.

29:06Mike Minogue:I know Pierce Brosnan onwards, and I've seen one of the original Connery ones, but I can't remember the early Dawes ones, but I'd be happy to do research.

29:16Keyzie:Oh, well, listen, this is one of the great roles, and they're very keen to see you for it. Pussy Galore.

29:26Keyzie:Pussy Galore. That's the character's name, yeah, Pussy Galore. Yeah. What does he do? She. What kind of a name is Galore? Where's that from? I think it's Polish. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

29:40Mike Minogue:That makes sense. So, okay, I guess modern...

29:45Keyzie:One of the iconic characters in the whole James Bond franchise, Kesey. And, of course, played originally by Anna Blackman.

29:55Mike Minogue:Anna Blackman? Yeah. Played Pussy Galore? Originally.

30:04And, of course, she leads Pussy Galore's Flying Circus, which is an all-female aerobatic team, which is pretty exciting.

30:14Mike Minogue:In the movie? Yeah, so you know the way things are working now, and I can only imagine this is the case, Jase, they get sort of rid of the sexes. You know, each role can be... They're mixing them up. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so they are playing Pussy Galore as now a dude, is that...

30:28Keyzie:The only sort of qualms I have about you playing the character is a sort of acrobatic side of it. Yeah, okay. But they said they could probably work through that. Right, okay. Could you imagine that as your agent, Mogi, you being the next James Bond and Keezy picking up the role of Pussy Galore? Man, it's a dream come through. The opportunity to hook into Keezy on camera. Oh, hang on.

30:53Mike Minogue:So do we have a love affair? Do you?

30:59Keyzie:Do we?

31:01Mike Minogue:Should we? We do.

31:02Keyzie:Okay. Sign me up. Actually, I think that's part of the audition, fellas. You're auditioning together. So you need to film me and Mogey hooking into each other and then you've got to send that in, are you? Well, I don't do that, Keezy. I'm not a casting director. I'm keen. Here's the incubus.

31:21Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

31:27Keyzie:Nirvana there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. The time is 5.27.

31:34Mike Minogue:Hey, fellas. I was reading the NZ Herald today and there was an interesting article that kind of applied to me because yesterday I was quite sick. Wow. I was taking painkillers, well, I was. Oh, yeah. I was taking painkillers, and I wasn't sure which ones I was supposed to take for my particular ailments. And the article on the Herald was about whether you should take ibuprofen or paracetamol, depending on your symptoms. Right. With that in mind, I invented a new game.

32:00Mike Minogue:Paracetamol or ibuprofen with me. Easy. Damn it, you beat me to it. I was going to do this one. Really? No.

32:14Mike Minogue:So this is how it'll work, fellas. I'm going to read out some ailments. You tell me whether you'd take paracetamol. I like the sound of this. Or whether you'd take ibuprofen, all right? Okay, man. Okay, first one. You've got a fever. Fever? You've got a fever. How did I get it? You caught it at a disco. A disco? Yeah. Okay. That doesn't seem likely. I don't go to discos. Okay, well, we're getting bogged down here.

32:45Keyzie:I don't even think there are any discos anymore, to be honest. I was just trying to make a disco fever joke. Okay, you caught it.

32:50Mike Minogue:You've just started. You've woken up with a fever after Radio Awards because you pushed the boat out and there was obviously a bit of an event. But I was home really early. Yeah, I was.

33:00The answer. Hang on a minute. What kind of fever is it? Just a fever. Gengue fever.

33:07Mike Minogue:No, it's not dengue fever. Oh, is it dengue? Oh, yeah. It's not dengue fever. It's regular fever. Okay. I'd go ibuprofen. I'd go you too. Okay, incorrect. The answer is paracetamol. But what are my symptoms? Well, you've got a fever.

33:26Keyzie:Okay, next one. Can I just suggest if you come down with a fever after, you know, the radio awards the next day, maybe just go a bit easy on the piss. But it's probably a hangover. That's right. It's not a fever at all. Exactly. Next ailment.

33:41Mike Minogue:You've got a toothache. Oh. How did I get a toothache? I don't know, mate. Did I bite down on like a nut or something? Yeah, you were biting down on nuts. And now you've got a toothache. Ibuprofen or paracetamol? Ibuprofen. Ibuprofen. Jase?

33:59Keyzie:I'd have a swig of vodka.

34:02Mike Minogue:Just pick one of the two, ibuprofen or paracetamol.

34:06Keyzie:Which one is it? I'd go for a combination of the two, your ibuprofen and the Panadol.

34:12Mike Minogue:Oh, my God, just pick one of them.

34:13Keyzie:Okay, I'd go ibuprofen.

34:16Mike Minogue:Correct. Yeah. Ibuprofen helps with inflammation as well. So it's a good option if you've got a toothache. For the next one, I'm going to go Panadol. because we've gone ibuprofen, ibuprofen, so it feels like now we've got Panadol. So lock that in. What are you going with, Jase? We're going to do Paracetamol first. Paracetamol first, then ibuprofen. Oh, did we? Yeah. Okay. Sad to remember. Mild tension headache. You've got a mild tension headache.

34:43Keyzie:I just have a nana nap. I'd lay off the piss again and probably have a Disprin.

34:49Mike Minogue:A Disprin? No, well, Disprin isn't an option, all right? It's not one of the options. Paracetamol or ibuprofen? Paracetamol. What about you, Jase? Paracetamol. Correct. Just go for the old paracetamol there if you've just got a mild headache. I'm starting to get one now. Inflamed or enlarged honker. What would you use for that, Jase? In your case, surgical, I think. What would you use for that, Jase? Doesn't matter. There is no cure. Sorry, brother. I hate to break it to you.

35:26Shall we do this again tomorrow? Yeah, I hope so. Yeah, nah.

35:30Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Let's see who's joining Gerry and Manaya on the Export Ultra Grand Final Beer Garden Tour.

35:45Keyzie:Yeah, Gerry and Manaya. And G-Lane. Oh, is it G-Lane as well? Yeah. God. What? What a combination. Three of those guys together Well anyone with G Lane To be honest Let's be honest He's a shambles of a human being

36:04Mike Minogue:What do you think he says about you? He loves me man Does he think you're a shambles of a human being? No he loves me He considers Jase an uncle Totally No that's what I consider Jase to be I can't remember saying that Is that offensive? Did you take offence to that? No Should it be brother?

36:23Keyzie:Yeah, brother would have been cooler. Yeah, okay. Because we're about the same age. And Uncle Jensky sounds like I'm... Yeah, you know, like we're massively different in age. Yeah, sorry. But anyway, amazing prize, isn't it, fellas? We can't be specific about what it is. Can we be there? Well, I don't know.

36:38Mike Minogue:Yeah, in our grand final.

36:40Keyzie:Keezy, you don't need to tell them. In Sydney. But we carried on the tradition last night while you were away, Keezy. We want to ruin it for the fellas. Yeah, okay. We want the people that go with him to be just real pieces of work. All right, well, let's go to the lines now. G'day, Josh, you mad bastard. How's life? Josh? You're good, fellas.

37:01Mike Minogue:Yeah, good on you, mate.

37:02Keyzie:Tell me, Josh, what do you do for a crust, mate?

37:06Mike Minogue:I'm a logistics manager. Who do you do? Oh, backbone. Logistics. Logistics. He manages the logistics. Right, okay. Okay, Josh, because we want you to ruin the trip, because of your knowledge of logistics, do you know really good ways to sort of ruin the logistics of this trip? No, I don't. Are you prepared to suck and suck it hard to ruin this trip for the fellas? Well, for you, Moggy, definitely. Good on you, mate. Yeah, I can. I don't even understand the question. You wouldn't, Chris. You wouldn't. Josh, have you got a passport, man? I do. Oh, mate, you're in. Good to know, mate. Good to know.

37:48Keyzie:Good on you, mate. You're in the draw there, Josh. Just hold on and old Pugsan will look after you. G'day, Luke, you man. Barset, how's life?

37:56Mike Minogue:Yeah, fantastic, fellas. How are we? Yeah, good things, mate. Bloody good, mate.

37:59Keyzie:Yeah, how's your day been, Luke? Pretty good?

38:01Mike Minogue:Yeah, not too bad. I'm going to play in some more shining in Christchurch. Yeah, nice, mate. Oh, man, how good is it? What, a high of about four? Actually, I think I was about 15 today. That's not too bad.

38:13Keyzie:Hey, Luke, do you have the capabilities of throwing a spanner in the works.

38:19Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, most certainly. Okay. What are you willing to do, Luke? Would you be willing to, like, I don't know, would you pee the bed every single night, for example, and then once you've done it, ask G Lane to help you sort it? Well, it just depends how big we go, doesn't it? Yeah, that's true, mate. Yeah, that's right. Because that's the kind of stuff we need from you.

38:37Keyzie:Because what I'm thinking is the best way to do it is to go hard and early and don't stop and just be a constant, you know. Just a bit too boozed and interested the whole time. Manaya, how did you get into radio, man? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sort of stuff. He loves it. Manaya, how did you meet your wife sort of stuff? I heard you found love on the bus.

38:58Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah. Hey, Manaya, how many jobs have you had? Yeah, Manaya, how do you shave a llama? Luke, I like the sound of you, mate. You're in the drawer, all right? Thanks, fellas. Have a good one. Love you, mate.

39:10Keyzie:It is a hell of a prize, to be fair.

39:12Mike Minogue:Yeah. It is, Jase. you head over to Sydney there three nights five star hotel return flights as well you go to the races the day before you do a harbour cruise to the actual stadium you then watch the grand final and you do the whole thing with Jerry Minaya and also G Lane this is true yeah hell of a trip jealous very jealous yeah I've actually got a bit of a dilemma around this because I will be I figured out I'll actually be in Japan yeah I thought I was going to be at the airport when the game was on but I will actually be in Japan when this game is on do you reckon anywhere in Tokyo will be showing the grand final.

39:43Mike Minogue:You'll be able to find it, man.

39:45Keyzie:Yeah. And I just realised on that front, I'm going to be in Sydney at that time. Same here. I'll be at the grand final watching the WARS get their very, very first premiership. So, sick. Have you booked tickets yet, Jase? Yeah, man. Have you actually? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Actually, I want to talk about that a little bit later on in the show. Yeah. Because it's always a nightmare, isn't it, fellas? But you've definitely already booked tickets, right? Because they'll be very expensive. Yes, we have. Okay, good. Good on you, man. Good on you, man. Just the one, man. In the meantime, here's Pixies.

40:13Keyzie:Chuck us some crackers, would you, Mogi? Crack us.

40:16Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

40:21Keyzie:Two weeks there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday. Editing the time, 5.56. Fellas, in just over two weeks' time,

40:28Mike Minogue:we're going to be broadcasting from up top of Auckland's iconic Sky Tower. Yeah, man. 200 metres in the year. This is for Radio Hauraki's day in lieu. Lou, it is a special day where the entire station is live from a special location. Last year it was Eden Park. The bowels of Eden Park. The bowels of Eden Park. This time we are at the top of the tallest building in New Zealand, which is bloody exciting. It's all to raise funds and awareness for bowel cancer in New Zealand. If you'd like to donate, text Lou to 3483. You can also head to dayinlou.co.nz for an online symptom checker. It's one of those sicknesses where if you catch the symptoms early, it's really, really, really treatable.

41:06Mike Minogue:Totally. man. So that's Lou to 3483. Sorry, Jase. Okay, just Lou to 3483.

41:10Keyzie:Stop. Now listen, coming up after six o 'clock, we're going to continue with your suggestions for the headline of Keezy's Woman's Day spread. If you've got an idea of what the headline should be for his Woman's Day spread, text us 3483. Also, we'll be giving out some advice on Meet Paddy Nap 69.

41:31Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

41:38Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. You are listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Reburger.

41:42Mike Minogue:Serving good times and good food. Dine-in or takeaway Reburger today. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

41:48Keyzie:Yeah, great stuff. What are we having for dinner tonight, fellas? I think I'm having leftovers. Yesterday, Jase, you'll remember that I ate far too much sushi. You weren't hair-keasy, but jeez, I was hooking in. He pegged out. I was really hungry, so I over-bought, and then I over-ate. and my wife was making dinner for a mate that was coming over to see us. I know. That person then cancelled late. So there was food there when I got home and I just had to say, we'll have it for lunch today. I packed it all up for our lunches, then I left it at home. Right. Classic. So tonight we're having leftovers from last night.

42:19I'm not sure what it was.

42:20Mike Minogue:It was a pasta, chickeny sort of set up. Tonight we're having lemongrass chicken. Lemongrass. Whatever that is. Is it split? It's not a butterfly chicken, no. I think it's chicken thigh, a bit of salad. I think it's a Vietnamese, Chase. God, you love your chicken, don't you? Lemongrass. I do. It's my favourite food.

42:40Keyzie:Do you think that it's overtaken pork mints, chicken now? Because you're doing your butterfly chicken a lot. Now it's lemongrass chicken. Three dead chickens in the last week, and that's just butterfly style. God knows how else you've been devouring them.

42:55Mike Minogue:Well, that's the thing with chicken. I prefer to eat them once I've been split. Yeah, man, split chicken. To be honest, we haven't had pork mince in ages. I think my wife is self-conscious. Right, okay. Why would that be? Just because of you guys. Bang on about it. And so I wouldn't be surprised now if she stops getting barbecue. What is it? Butterfly chicken. Hang on a minute. This is from a guy that promised us he was going to have a trough of pork mince waiting for us when we turned up for dinner. That's right. Come dine with me. Just a trough of pork mince and a big scoop and you get your own little plastic punnet thing to put it in.

43:27Mike Minogue:Yeah, nice.

43:28Keyzie:Would there be white bread and butter there that we could sort of dip it in? Maybe. You have to wait and see, Jase. I'm excited by that.

43:35Mike Minogue:Yeah. It's not for a wee while, though. No. We've got to draw a name out of a hat and actually see who's hosting the next one. Yes, that's right.

43:41Keyzie:Good call, man.

43:42Mike Minogue:What are you having for dinner, Jase? Hot pot. Are you really? Yeah, man. Are you going out and about or are you doing that at home? Out and about. Oot and a boot.

43:49Keyzie:Found a place on Saturday, the bomb. Oh, you're going back there. You're going back there. Jeez, you've been going there a lot, man. Can you send me the name of that place? Yes, I certainly can. And I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest with you. It's taken all of my restraint not to go back there before then. Oh, well, if anyone's got the willpower of something with great willpower, it's you. Thank you, man. Thank you. And I can tell you I'm absolutely starving. So that pot's going to be full to the brim. I don't know how you're starving when you've been back and forth to the ACC supply of chips all show.

44:26Scoffin'. Keezy? What? Is that true? I don't know, man.

44:30Keyzie:Leave me out of it. Ah! Here's Primal Scream.

44:34Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

44:40Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Jimmy Eat World there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening and it's very exciting times in the old Keezy household. He is rocketing up in the celebrity stakes in this beautiful country of ours and they've just released the spread of his woman's, the centrefold spread in Woman's Day of Keezy and his wife and his soaring career.

45:07Mike Minogue:Thanks, Jase. Remarkably, it's been out for a couple of days now. I haven't heard anything from anyone about it. Oh, has it really? Yeah, because Minaya, when it happened to him, he was like, it was literally the worst week of my life or something. Tell you what's really bloody interesting about it, Jase, because it's a long article. It's very, very long. There's lots of detail in there, Chris. I don't know if there is. The main thing is, oh, well, hang on a minute. I'm just going to read, if I can, for a moment, a passage from the spread. Meanwhile, with their home reno almost complete and a whole lot of Europe ticked off the bucket list last year, Chris and Lucy are thinking about the future.

45:48Dot, dot, dot. Yeah. Yeah.

45:52Mike Minogue:Oh. What? Hello. What? That doesn't say anything. Of course we're thinking about the future. Everyone's thinking about the future. Thinking about the future, eh, old Keezy? Yeah, man. Say no more. That doesn't mean anything.

46:03Keyzie:Say no more. And doesn't it carry on to say... No, it doesn't. Chris Gibbs a cheeky wink to camera, which this reporter found a bit ecky.

46:18Mike Minogue:Yeah, that's what it said. But the real reason we are here is to read out some of the headlines that have been sent through. Yes, headlines. Because the actual headline, we haven't revealed it yet. No. And so people have been texting through on 3483 what they think the headline of the article will be. Yes. I think we get into it, fellas. Yep.

46:37Chris Key reveals how I met my, oh no, a bird just shat on me.

46:43Mike Minogue:So halfway through the headline, they got interrupted by a bird shit. Yeah, a bird shit. That's weird. The come up of old Sleazy Keezy and his pepperoni meat twins. Is he really that shocking? Remember this is in Women's Day. Sorry, can I?

46:57Keyzie:Meat twins. Can I have that again, please?

47:00Mike Minogue:The come up of old sleazy Keezy and his pepperoni meat twins. Is he really that shocking? I like that. Well, that makes you want to read it because it's asked a question. Is he really that shocking? That's right.

47:12Keyzie:I was going to say, I like that. Is he really that shocking? It makes you want to read more. Yeah. What about this one? Shocking bastard. Yeah, I love that. And this one is similar. Keezy's ears are on the piss. That's not a headline.

47:26Mike Minogue:That's just someone texting that through. Oh, well, that works. It does work. Well, this one from Michael. Ears to you, Laura. Local man with ears on the piss gets opportunity far beyond his capabilities. This one from Harry. Of course, the article was about the fact that I'm taking over from Laura McGoldrick as the host of Game of Two Harbs.

47:46Keyzie:Yeah, massive for your career, man. Huge. Thanks.

47:50Mike Minogue:Harry says, game of two quarters, the beginning of the end.

47:56Mike Minogue:This one's good. Yes, Keezy is married. No, she's not blind. Oh, come on, guys. Come on, guys.

48:04Keyzie:That's not. Well, we've got the real one here. I'm intrigued. I'm going to read that out, and it's also got a byline under it as well, so it's sort of a two-parter. You might want to sort of critique this. Radio Star's Hot Romance The Key to Chris's Heart Okay, that's your headline That's my actual headline Radio Star's Hot Romance The Key to Chris's Heart Alright Then the byline is The Horeki favourite A new Game of Two halves host Lets us inside his Private world I don't have a private world It was really seedy, that last bit who

48:49Mike Minogue:I don't know there's nothing wrong with it I just don't I'm just not out in the open you know I'm private well look

48:57Keyzie:the thing is Kesey I mean Mogey and I have a lot of affection for you mate but your own private world yes Mogey I'm a bit slow on the uptake aren't I because you've done it

49:08Mike Minogue:old Mania had the bus romance sort of thing going on Mania's one was how I found love on the bus because he met his missus on the school bus. But what they've done here is, I didn't even notice it, which is on me, but the key to Chris's heart, I hadn't even dawned on me. But that is absolute genius. God, that's good. I cannot wait to put these all over the building. No, don't. This one's good on 3483. Keezy, nice guy sober.

49:46Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

49:52Keyzie:Stone Temple Pilots there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening, the time being 6.28.

50:00Mike Minogue:Fellas, Bear Varner is back for 2026. It's hitting Wellington's Henry Stadium later on in the year in August. It's a two-day affair, the 21st and the 22nd, which is the Friday, Saturday. There's an evening session and an afternoon session each day, so you've got to choose which one of those you want to go to. Tickets are available now, beervana.co.nz, but it's over 50 of the best breweries from across New Zealand and Australia and around the world, actually. A lot of international breweries come along as well. They do. We'll be down there. We'll be involved as well. And I'd say the Thursday night, it starts on the Friday, but the Thursday night we'll be doing a live show from somewhere down in Wellington.

50:34Keyzie:Yeah, can't wait. I haven't been down to Wally for – Is that what it's called, the stadium, Henry Stadium?

50:39Mike Minogue:Yeah, it used to be Sky Sports Stadium. Oh, okay. And before that it was Westpac Stadium. Yeah. Westpac. Yeah, that's how I remember it. Yeah, or just the cake tin. The cake tin, yeah.

50:48Keyzie:Can they just stick with one name, please? It's called a sponsorship. Hey, fellas. What's up, Jase? I've got a question for you. What is it? And it's a legitimate one. Yeah. You know, we go out and about these days, you know, cheap and cheerful for our dinner and stuff. When it comes to your restaurant set-up, not even a restaurant set-up, but, you know, like a food establishment where you're eating in, what is an acceptable waiting time for you guys in terms of ordering your food and then said food arriving? It sort of varies. I don't think you know until you start saying to yourself, what's taking so effing long?

51:25Is that the key, you think? That's what it is. I think it's a vibe. Yes. God, this has taken a long effing time.

51:32Mike Minogue:I'm going to be honest. All the cheap and cheerful places I go to eat, I usually order online beforehand. And if not, if I'm meeting people there for dinner, I don't actually care how long it takes because you're chatting anyway. Whereas you quite often will go solo, order and wait and pick up food.

51:47Keyzie:Is that right? No, well, I'll often go, and this is the thing, right? My wife and I will go out and have a dinner together. Yeah. And if it's taken 25 minutes, what am I going to talk to my wife about for 25 minutes? Oh, what about how you're in a horror of a mood and you've gone dark on her again? What about that stuff? Keezy, can I just say, you missed this yesterday. we revisited the coffee debacle again and it ended up in me in a hur of a mood. Yeah. Can I just... You actually in a hur of a mood. I'm sorry to sideline, but you must know this. You're in a hur of a mood. She said to me, because I said, the fellas and I were having a bit of a chuckle about the great coffee debacle.

52:31Mike Minogue:Which for anyone listening that doesn't know is that your wife, like a year ago, when you make her a coffee every morning and she one day asked you to not burn the milk. No.

52:39Keyzie:Well, yes, that is the thing in question. She said, well, firstly, I never said you burnt the milk. I said you frothed the milk. Over froth. There's too much froth. Too much froth. I don't want so much froth. I was putting too much froth in her coffee. That's right. And I went, well, that's not what you said. But okay. But anyway, but wait. This is the great thing. So I said, no, but what we were actually having jokes about was that you said I was in a whore of a moon. and I was pissy for two days. Two days, yeah. And she said, you were. Yes. I'm starting to think you were. And I was like.

53:15Mike Minogue:Sorry, what?

53:17Keyzie:Excuse me?

53:18Mike Minogue:So right now are you in a mood with your wife?

53:21Keyzie:No, I'm all good about it. Now I've got over it. But it was just very funny that we went back and I got all fired up again. Yeah, nice. I'm going to say 20 minutes. Yeah, 20 minutes for me is my outside kind of threshold. Yeah, I can't put a time limit on it. It's just a vibe. But if I'm quite happy sitting there, then it's all good. But, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, 20 would be a long time. I don't see what's taking 20. Yeah. It's taking 20.

53:45Mike Minogue:It's taking 20. Actually, we went to a restaurant the other day, quite a nice one in the Ponsonby area of Auckland. And they took effing ages. It took so long. And then at the end, it was like on the FPOS machine, oh, do you want to tip? You know? And then the girl gave me stink eye because I hit, no, I do not want to tip because we live in New Zealand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, well, if you're going to ask for a tip, you've got to at least get that food out ASAP. Exactly.

54:08Keyzie:Yeah, far out. You were in a whore of a mood for a couple of days afterwards, you said. Yeah, sure was, Jase.

54:16Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

54:20Keyzie:The Verve there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. The time is 6.41. Fellas, let's give out a bit of advice, shall we? Me, pretty nip, 69.

54:34Mike Minogue:at gmail.com. Get in touch with the fellas. MeetPattyNip69 at gmail.com. It's a real email address. Get in touch if you ever need advice. 100 % anonymous and you can win a prize if it's read out on the show. Hey, Jase. Good stuff, man. Yeah. This one comes in from anonymous. Can you just yell it now and get it out of the way, please? What do you mean? If you interrupt me with the yelling, you know what I mean. What does the anonymous writer write? G'day there feelers. Anonymous here. My six year old has recently been coming to our room late at night saying he's having nightmares and he can't sleep.

55:12Mike Minogue:They often are about monsters coming for him and his brother while sleeping in bed. My first thought is to let him know that monsters aren't real and in fact more scary things do exist later in life such as gas prices, mother-in-laws and the IRD. Although I stop myself from this advice as I feel it could just make matters worse leading to even more nightmares and loss of sleep. Please advise from one tired mama. Cheers, Anonymous. Was he six? Six, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, the only way that you can sort of do anything about that is, I find, is punishment. My daughter's six. She used to get up in the night and complain about similar things, you know, monsters, et cetera, et cetera.

55:55And I said, geez, well, the last thing you want to be doing is coming in here. Right. Because as soon as you get out of your bed, that's when they get you. If you stay in your bed, you're safe. They'll terrify you. Sure, they'll be banging on your bed and roaring and gnashing their teeth and that, but they can't actually get you. But you step foot outside of your bed, jeez, that'll be the end of you. Really? They gobble you up. Did that work? That's right, Jase. They gobble you up. That's exactly the words I used.

56:21Mike Minogue:And so did that work? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She doesn't hop out of bed now? Not for that. No, no, no. There's other things. There's other ways of doing it. is we would sort of use blackmail sort of stuff as well, you know. Yes. If you get out of bed, we stop your education right now. That's it. That seems pretty intense. Yeah, and even though they're young, they sort of get that. Oh, they do get it. But they understand how important education is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, okay. Because that's where their friends are, and that sort of gives them a bit of relief from home life, you know. Yeah, right, okay.

56:51Mike Minogue:I mean, that's pretty full on. It is. Can I be – I'll be honest with you.

56:57Keyzie:I'll be honest with you here, actually. So this is honesty right now? It is genuine. My wife was very much a hoppin', darling. Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't run that around my ears. And I was like... Wow. She was a cuddler, you know, and all of my daughters had this weird thing of turning sideways in the bed so that you'd be on the outer fringe and they'd be cosy as. I guess it doesn't matter so much when, like you, throughout those years, Jase, you were completely unemployed and unemployable. Yes. So if you've got nothing to do the next day except this is a busy day, then that's fine. But when you've got worked at, oh, yeah, I couldn't do it.

57:44We ran zero. Because as soon as you allow it, bang, they're trying to get in there every single night. Yes. So, yeah, no, you can't have it.

57:50Mike Minogue:I remember going into my parents' bed when I was scared, but it was very, like, the way I remember it, it was like maybe once every couple of months.

57:58Keyzie:Right. Yeah. You know what I mean? So what, you'd climb out of the bubble and then into their bed.

58:05Mike Minogue:I'd climb out of the bubble and I had this little suit I had to wear. Hazmat. Hazmat suit. And then I'd sort of go as far as the cable would let me out of my bubble and then hop into the umbilical cord. Yeah, umbilical cord they used to call it.

58:19Keyzie:And speak of the devil, what little movie did I watch a part of today? The Boy in the Bubble. Right. With John Travolta. Oh, wow. Isn't that amazing? Isn't it amazing how things synchronise in this great show of ours?

58:34Mike Minogue:So the advice is tell them don't get out of bed, that's when the monsters get out. Yeah, they'll be gone without. You've just got to be straight up with them. Yeah, you do. And do you mention the IRD and stuff like that or just leave that? I think that's a bit beyond their realms of perception, really. monsters they understand gobble you up they understand gnashing of teeth they understand being audited that's not such a big issue well hey thank you so much for getting in touch don't forget if you ever need advice meet pattynips69 at gmail.com The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki

59:18Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's a big show done and dusted for your Wednesday night. What's the podcast outro clip today, Keezy?

59:25Mike Minogue:Today's podcast outro clip is entitled Black Books. Ah, yes. You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of corner shop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think,

59:41Keyzie:Yeah. This is fantastic.

59:48Keyzie:Yes, we were talking about the correlation between drinking and smoking. We were. The joys of it.

59:55Mike Minogue:Yes. It just seems weird that we just threw to a clip from a TV show. That's right. We weren't. Well, the best part of our podcast was a clip from Black Box. Which, to be fair, is fair enough. Yeah, it was very funny. It was the first time you guys have chatted about drinking and smoking, though. Yeah, we've never done it. Yeah, we've never done it before. Quidine or anything like that.

1:00:13Keyzie:Moki, you're off home to leftovers. I'm off home to leftovers. Yeah. That's right. That's how I would have put it, certainly. I'll have a chat with the missus there. Put the daughter down to bed there. Got my new couch, which I'll lie on there. Probably watch another episode. Oh, no, I won't. Tonight I'm watching Widow's Bay. Another episode of Widow's Bay on Apple TV. If you're not watching it, you simply must. Bloody good stuff.

1:00:39Mike Minogue:What about you, Keezy, man? I thought you were going to say a game of two halves. Oh, no, no. No, it's because obviously I'm the new presenter. I'm going to go home, Jase. have, what was it, lemongrass chicken? Yes. Probably watch Game of Two Halves. Yeah. Got to watch himself. Watch myself, see how it went. Yeah. Because to be honest, I left being like, oh, it could have been better. Right. But then everyone else was like, no, it was great. No, it was fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were saying it was great. They said great. Well, that makes you a bit suspicious. Yeah, so immediately. But, Jase, I think you've got bird poo on your shoulder.

1:01:09Keyzie:Overcompensating.

1:01:10Mike Minogue:You've got something on your blazer there on the shoulder. I think it might be bird poo. Oh, yeah, it is. It's bird poo. It's Bird Shit Jizz. Bird Shit Jizz is your new nickname. I hope you like it.

1:01:21Keyzie:Do I actually need to say anything here? Bird Shit Jizz. Oh, hey, what are you up to tonight, man? Should we just sign off here? I'm going to meet my wife and we're going to eat spicy goodness.

1:01:32Mike Minogue:Yum, hot pot. Yeah, man. With old Bird Shit Jizz. What is it? It's Bird Shit. It's Bird Shit, you goose. It's not Bird Shit. It is. Goodbye. See you tomorrow at four. Bye.