FULL SHOW: Lunchtime With The Fellas

14:08Jase:God, what an absolutely horrible state of affairs. For those of you who don't know, and this is in my old hood, so the sewage treatment plant down there in Wellington, it's at Moa Point, which is where I lived. Right. There's only about 20 or 30 houses there, and probably understandable. They've had a full rejig. They've had a full upgrade for the sewage treatment system plant down there, and it completely failed, pumping give or take tens of millions of litres of human feces. into the ocean. Yeah. Some would regard that as an environmental disaster, but we wanted to get an absolute expert on the line, and there's none other better than Porta King's own Charlie Gubb to talk us through it.

14:54Jase:How's it going, you mad dog? What's up, fellas? It's been a while. Whee! Sure has, Charlie.

15:00Keyzie:Good Christmas break, mate, and New Year's. How are you going? I'm going good, mate. Sometimes it takes a good, it's not really a natural disaster, but environmental disaster to get the gang back together. 100%, Charlie. Of course, you can't think about Poos and Wellington without thinking Charlie Gubb and Portaking. For those of you that don't know Charlie, former Warriors legend. Yes. I'd say. Was he, though? Yeah, 100%, Chase. How dare you? Poity, poity. I would start by saying it was great to see you not named anywhere in the Epstein files. Jesus. That we know of yet, Charlie. All right. So, Charlie, I mean, you're our Wellington sewerage expert.

15:44What's your kind of take on this whole environmental disaster? It's pretty messed up, in my opinion, from what's happened. But what can you do? You can't cry over it. You've just got to get on. But keep fishing, keep swimming.

16:01It's bad, but it's not the end of the world, you know? I think people need to kind of hang for it,

16:09Keyzie:but I don't know. What can you do? Well, in terms of the fishing, that'd make quite good burley, wouldn't it? Yeah, or you just eat it and get a little buzz, like you're micro-dosing.

16:19Jase:Bit of chum, bit of chum. You were suggesting, Charlie, that probably a good solution and to take a little bit of weight off the surge system would be for every single house in the Wellington region to have a Portaking Portaloo parked up outside. Yeah, that's good, man. And that's supporting local, and that's what all our listeners should be doing, right, is supporting local.

16:40Keyzie:Totally, Charlie, totally. Hey, Charlie, while we've got you on chatting Wellington Poos, man, wouldn't mind just touching on the old wahs for this year, man. Ah, fizzing. Yeah, boy. No, you are, Jason. No, you are. Charlie, what's the vibe for this year from your point of view, man? I reckon the vibe's good. The guys seem to be on. Everyone's back from injury, kind of missing Rocco Berry for a while, but I think as long as they can be injury-free, which has been our Achilles heel, they're going to be on. I listened to a podcast with Cameron George yesterday. Yep. And he's just a real lad, you know.

17:14He loves smoking. Loves the GG's. Loves recreational drugs. Yep, loves the GG's. He just, I don't know. I think they're all just having fun, which is what you need to do. Right, so your vibe is that the season's going to be good because the sort of club manager... The CEO loves getting on the piss.

17:30Jase:and the Siggies. Yeah. But that's team culture, right? You don't want to go to work every day and, you know, you're walking on eggshells, the foreman's, oh, you know, Smoko's only 30 minutes and calling it early. It's not really what life's about. You've got to live it. Hell, yeah.

17:48Keyzie:True, man. Are you a hard boss, Charlie? Are you a hard man? Nah. Oh, nah. How long is Smoko at Portaking, man? For me or the fellas? For the fellas.

18:07No, I don't know. Keep a pretty loose rein. Yeah, that's a one. I don't know. I don't really want to give too much of the way I run things away. Yeah, fair enough.

18:17Jase:The competitors will be all over you, brother. Well, yeah, I mean, it is a pretty exciting time for the Waz. A little bit of a worry that we're not getting Lukey Met back until round seven to ten. But outside of the fact that we've got no halfback, jeez, we'll be going good. Yeah, I mean, but when he does come back, it'll be good, right? Yeah, I think so.

18:35Keyzie:Hey, Charlie, great to chat to you again, man. We'll catch up soon, no doubt. 100 % let's link up. Yeah, let's do it. Once again, Charlie Gubb, former warrior and runner of Porta King down there in Wellington. If you've got poos in the water near you, get a Porta King. I just had a little lingo wobbling around in my head. When the shit hits the fan, who are you going to call? Charlie Man! Do you like that, Charlie? Yeah, that's good. I like it. Thanks, Charlie. We'll see you later. See you, fellas. Thanks, mate. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed. Muse there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon.

19:17Keyzie:Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

19:26Keyzie:Fellas, I love TV.

19:28Jase:Same, man. Do you know that about me, man? Yep. Last night I was planning to watch Small Town Scandal. Yes. Ah, the Tom Sainsbury. The new Tom Sainsbury show based on his podcast there. It's on Neon. But me and the missus got to chatting, and so that was kind of the end of it. But what I did do the night before was I completed watching The Long Way Around, the Ewan McGregor I'm on a motorbike going around the world thing. What an incredible show. He's on a motorbike with his mate. He goes from London all the way to New York. Goes across, all across Europe. So he goes through Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Russia.

20:08Jase:It is one of the great adventure stories of all time. It is absolutely unbelievable what they go through. Like they're meeting locals. The Russians are going, oh no, you absolutely can't go. They would never go there in a million years. Trying to do what these guys do. They're like, oh no, you've got no chance of getting there. The road that they had to go on was called the Road of Bones. The Bone Road. Yeah, something like that. And it was made during the Second World War. And from memory, it was Stalin forcing all the political prisoners to go up there and build this road that went up into Siberia because in Siberia they had all of these minerals and oil and all of the stuff that they needed.

20:51Jase:So they put political prisoners who were political prisoners because they were deemed to be too intelligent. Yes, which is always what happens. So they sent all these guys up there, and it was called the Road of Bones because hundreds of thousands of people that were building the road died making it. And they didn't have to make it a prison because the environment was a prison. You just got to live there. If you want to run for it, be our guest. But at least you get a little bit of food here and you're not going to get eaten by beers. It is an amazing show. The last episode's a bit boring because they're in civilisation in the States.

21:24Jase:I can't recommend it highly enough. Apple, five stars. Get into it. Great stuff. How many buzzies? Ten buzzies. Wow. Five stars.

21:33Keyzie:I watched a documentary last night. Well, my wife chose it, and I started watching this, and I said, what the hell is this? And it's called Queen of Chess, and it's the story of Judith Polgar, who was the youngest ever chess master. She became a chess master at the age of 15. Is that what the show Queen's Gambit is based on? I think it is based on that. And it's a documentary about her. It's actually a fascinating story. Her and her two sisters, their dad was a bit of a chess genius, and he made them play chess nine to five, seven days a week. And just going through everything, every move. It was an amazing documentary, actually.

22:16Keyzie:and what was fascinating about it because men was considered a chess was considered a man's game and women weren't very capable you know didn't have the intelligence to play it and the sexism at the time was extraordinary like men were just coming out and going no women aren't intelligent enough to compete at the level of men you're saying I'm a fairer of the good old days but it's this really cool documentary about her getting into you know all the massive tournaments and the guy who was the chess genius at the time, Kasparov. He was the most famous one, isn't he? He was the most famous. And he was also, they say, the greatest of all time.

22:55Keyzie:And she played him for the first time and he cheated. And it was caught on camera. And she was just this young woman playing the greatest player of all time. And there's a thing in chess, when you play a chess piece and you take your hand off the piece. It's done. It's done. That's smooth. And he did that and he stuffed it up and took his hand off and realised what he'd done and went back and changed it. And she saw it, but no one else did. And so she was like, what do I, how do I, because normally people are watching the game and they weren't watching. Then they discovered that one of the cameras was left on and they showed that he did actually cheat.

23:37Keyzie:It was a split second thing. But anyway, they became quite good friends in the end. He beat her every time apart from once. Wow. And it's a really interesting, fascinating documentary. I'll give it 3.9 buzzies. It's on Netflix. Right, what's it called again? Queen of Chess. Queen of Chess. And am I right in saying you've just told us the entire plot so you don't need to watch it?

24:04Jase:Spot on. You've nailed that, Casey. I give that insight from you, I give that five buzzies. Thank you. Out of a possible five. I'm genuinely curious. Is that the entire plot, what you've just said?

24:15Keyzie:No, there's other stuff that goes on. Really? All her early life and then her after-life, her getting married, all that sort of stuff. All the boring stuff. But this is the chef, you know? Yeah, right, okay, just checking. Hey, coming up after five, by the way, your chance to win$100 cash and a meat pack. Listen out for that cue to call. Get ready to call 0800 Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Welcome back, you massive bank bones. Hope you're getting through your Tuesday afternoon tickety-boo. You're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Re-Bergear.

24:47Crave-worthy street food freshly made with Re-Bergear. Re-Bergear. It's really good.

25:02Do you like that one, fellas? Do you want to hear it again? Yes. Yes, please. Re-Bergear. It's really good.

25:12Jase:That's good. I like that bit at the end. There's like a couple of swords going ping.

25:16Keyzie:I love it. It's very Game Boy. What? It's very gamey. What, like a video game? Douche, douche, douche. You and Pugs when you're in your little gaming lounges. You know what it's like? It's like Mortal Kombat, actually. Yes. Mortal Kombat. It feels more like Doom to me. Oh, does it?

25:43I don't get that at all. I just think that sounds awesome. Yeah, cool.

25:46Keyzie:Yeah, sure. But you don't get gaming. I didn't say that it didn't sound awesome. I just said it sounds like, you know, something you do in your douche-douche games. You find new ways to describe playing video games. They make no sense. Douche-douche. You know, douche, douche, douche. Douche-douche, douche. Bring out the magic wand. Oh, no. I've lost Achilles strength. That actually does sound like a great game. I've been playing that exact game recently.

26:19Jase:Can you make up a stung gaming chat with Woody Jizz and that is all you need?

26:26Keyzie:Now listen, fellas, coming up, your chance to win a bit of meat and some cash. That's right. Get ready to call Ho-Nakie. You're a salesman, man. So good. Here's the chillies. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. She-hard there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon. The time is 5.13. Now, fellas, I think it's fair to say I've had a varied and interesting career. Sure. I mean, I've done some... Shocking garbage. Some shocking garbage in my time. I've done some quality stuff too on occasion. Stuff middle of the road. And, you know, I've been an actor, a voice artiste, a theatre-goer, well, not a theatre-goer, a theatre performer.

27:21Were you a log-breaker at the Turd Steering Place? Oh, yeah, I did.

27:24Keyzie:Yeah, I'm just talking on sort of the entertainment side of things here, Kesey, but I did break up... Quite a few logs. ...logs of poos in the Australian outback, yes. Yeah, that's right. Steamy, hot work.

27:35Jase:I would say that was your calling, your great calling. They've said to me, actually, old Sticky, he used to work there,

27:43Keyzie:he said, there's never been a man like you since, Jase.

27:46Jase:Yeah.

27:47Keyzie:No one could break a log like you could. Yeah, far out.

27:50Jase:You knew the weak point in every turd you laid an eye on. Yeah.

27:53Keyzie:They've actually mounted my log, you know, my log-breaking stick in the local bar there. Right. You were saying that when you used to be like, oh, hey, honey, I'm going to work, she'd say, okay, break a log. No, I wasn't married at that point, Kesey Oh, my bad But anyway But anyway, you know, stand-up comedy I've done it all, I think it's fair to say And I do a bit of, you know, emceeing, for example And every now and then I get asked to be a guest speaker At a particular due And I got such a request today And it's kind of baffled me It's for the Stone Fruit Growers Annual Gala Dinner And I've got to be honest, I read the email there and I went, that's baffling to me.

28:39Keyzie:I mean, why would the Stone Fruit Growers Annual Gala want me to be their guest speaker? And then I was suddenly thinking, well, I mean, how do I go about this? How do I go about a chat to the Stone Fruit Growers? Do I talk about Stone Fruit in my own sort of garden and stuff or do I talk about my varied and extraordinary career?

29:02Jase:Yeah.

29:02Keyzie:You got any ideas about what I could sort of – because I'm not – I haven't done a lot of – I've done a lot of emceeing, not a lot of guest speaker stuff. Because emceeing is you are just running the night. You're a link man basically. And you might throw a joke in here or there, but a guest speaker is a concentrated monologue.

29:20Jase:That's right. It's an hour of conversation or monologue where you're looking to deliver normally on a few different themes or at least one. Yes. That's part of what we've got at my business. We have speakers. Jase, you're on the books there. Am I? I'm on the books there as well. Not a lot of inquiries for either of us, it's fair to say. But generally, the big one at the moment we're talking about off-air is they want to hear people talk about resilience or people are having such a hard time they want a bit of humour. Yes. To be entertained. Yeah, just have a bit of a chuckle. So you could go out there, for example, and you could do a few scenes, Steve from Guidance, for example, from Seven Periods from Mr Gornsby.

30:03Jase:And then you could do a couple of scenes from Talkback, that hit show that you guys made. Or you could be the captain of Welling to Paranormal when you were the captain of the boat. Okay. Just a few of the greatest hits. Yes, that sounds good. Now, it's now a long thing I want you to speak for, right? Because that's great. I reckon you're open with that. And if you want, I've got a few little, like, I've got something here that you could use if you want. Okay. That sort of weaves in your radio experience. Yeah, good.

30:30Keyzie:Sure, sure, sounds good. Because they probably know I'm a top radio DJ. Yeah, so if you just read these out one by one and explain that you're a top radio DJ. Yeah. And that you've sort of...

30:45You've replaced the names of certain bands with certain stone fruits. So if you just read them out one after the other and have this music play.

30:54Keyzie:Here's the Stone Fruit Temple Pilots.

31:01Keyzie:Keep going. Here's Plums and Roses.

31:11Keyzie:Here's Golden Queens of the Stone Age.

31:19Keyzie:Here's the Red Hot Lychee Lee Peppers.

31:27Keyzie:Come on, man. Here's Blackberry Sabbath.

31:34Keyzie:I reckon that should work. Well, as Pugs just pointed out, some of them don't even have stone skeezy. You're going to be fuming. I googled it. Blackberries are a stone fruit. Are you wanting me to bomb? Blackberries are a stone fruit. You're going to need to school up on stone fruit before you do this gig, man. That sounds like a hit. I knew you were going to go great guns. I'm going to keep that if you don't mind, Keezy. I'll have a cut of the profits, though. Yeah, sure, man. I'll give you a cut. What is it, like four nectarines? A couple of plums. I don't want your two plums. I want to give you a couple of plums, Keezy.

32:03Keyzie:No, I don't want them. Here's LMNOP. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

32:14Keyzie:What's this? A Radio Hauraki bar tab? Yes indeed, your chance to win a meat pack in$100 cash. That's right, Jase. We are celebrating National Lamb Day, which is February 15th. Just five sleeps now, fellas. We're four, actually. Wow. God, I can't wait. February 15th, it is National Lamb Day. So to celebrate, we've got your chance to win a beef and lamb New Zealand meat pack,$100 cash. We're doing it every day this week. All you have to do is listen out for that queue to call, then call us on 0800 HODAKI. We will now take three people, put them in the drawer, and one of them will get a call back later in the show with some cash and some meat.

32:51Keyzie:How good, man. Let's go to a Dan, you mad bastard. How's life? Pretty sweet, fellas. Good on you guys. Yeah, good, thanks, mate. What do you do for a crust, Dan? I'm a backbone teacher. Oh, what a backbone.

33:04Jase:Oh, backbone. You must be rooted, mate. You just started back at work yesterday. Yeah, seven and a half weeks off. Yeah, it's shocking, isn't it? Shocking. It's a lot of annual meal. He's loving it. Finally got an honest one. Hey, Dan, do you love meat? I love meat. Yeah, I've heard. I love meat from the fellas. Yeah.

33:27Keyzie:Just on that front, if we gave you a bit of lamb there, Dan, what would you do with it? I'd butterfly it. Oh, here we go. Yeah, yeah, I see. Fancy guy. Yeah, very fancy. Fancy Dan. Great stuff, Dan. And you keep your phone on and we may give you a call back a little bit later on. How does that sound? Sounds good. Good on you, mate. Let's go to Jack from Gore. G'day, Jack, you mad bastard. How's life? Yeah, pretty good. And yourself? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. What do you do for a crust, Jack? Mechanic. Oh, yeah, bad bun. You like a bit of meat, don't you, Jack? Yes. Can't beat a bit of nice slow-cooked meat.

34:08Keyzie:Oh, now you're talking. Now you're talking. Now you're talking, Jack. You get it, Jack. Yeah, good stuff. Just out of curiosity, what's your last name? Blake. Okay, you're just double checking. What was it? What was it? Guys, this is great radio. Jack, keep your phone on. We might call you later with$100 and some meat, all right? Okay, cheers, thanks. Good on you, Jack. G'day, Duncan, you mad bastard. How's life? G'day, fellas. You're good. Good on you, mate. What do you do for a crust, Duncan? Look, I pour pints in a bar. Oh, you're a barman. That is bloody great stuff. And that's in Wellington, eh?

34:45It is in the welly.

34:46Jase:How much are you charging for a pint these days, man? I'm pretty much giving it away. Oh, is that right? Yeah, probably only about$16,$17. Yeah, good. It's only like$20 a pint. Yeah, that's good, mate. It's bloody outrageous, the cost of a pint, isn't it? Have you taken a swim on the south coast this week, man? Yeah, a little couple of dips there. It's quite good to float just on the top there. I don't know what it is giving me a bit more buoyancy. Yeah, good stuff, Duncan. And question about the bartendering there, man. When you pour like a Guinness or a stout, do you put a little shamrock on the top there?

35:18You know what? I really just focus on the Guinness of just pouring the best bloody pint. And I don't bother about the artwork. Yeah, good idea, mate. That's the sort of barman I like.

35:28Keyzie:I'm mucking around with your little, your flowery little. Same with the coffee. Same with the coffee. Don't worry about the artwork. Just make a good coffee. Yeah. I'm a buddy with you, Duncan. Duncan. Duncan.

35:39Jase:So what's the guts, Duncan? You just couldn't get the hang of it? Yeah, yeah, I'm still learning. Good on you, Duncan. You keep your phone on, mate. We could be calling you with some cash and some meat, all right? Enjoyed. Thanks, guys. Good on you, mate. Good on you, mate. What a mad dog. Don't forget this is happening every single day this week. $100 cash and some delicious beef and lamb to celebrate National Lamb Day, February 15th. Why not raise a chop to all those fantastic farmers that keep our bloody economy going? Oh, it's great stuff. It is good stuff. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey.

36:10Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

36:13Keyzie:Guns. Roses there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening, but right now it's time for... What's happening in old Italy at the old Winter Olympics there with me, Kesey. That's right. This segment is designed to keep you abreast of what is happening. Hang on, is that sting changed? What do you mean? Do you want to listen to it again? Yes. What's happening in old Italy at the old Winter Olympics there with me, Kesey? I just thought it was longer yesterday. Oh, it had like out of a daccia and stuff in it. Oh, right. And Chalbella. The charming part of it. Yeah. So you're not happy with it?

36:56Keyzie:It'll have to do. I guess it will. Fellas, this segment is designed to keep everyone abreast of what is happening in the Winter Olympic. What? A breast. You don't need to overemphasise it. Jase, we're like a minute into this yarn, and all I've done is play the sting twice and try and explain what the sting is twice.

37:15Jase:You've got to speed it up, man. Can you get on with it? This is exactly what he's talking about. F-ing around, man.

37:21Keyzie:Just get on with it. Okay, and I just want to touch on the fact that using the word abreast is not some sort of comedy thing I'm trying to do, okay?

37:28Jase:Don't touch on abreast, Gizzi. It's not cool. I'm not touching on abreast, all right? it wouldn't just be one as well usually they come in a pair anyway great news, silver medal for New Zealand fellas first medal, isn't that great

37:45thank you Mogey I think it is fantastic Zoe Sadowski-Sinnett she won silver in the women's snowboard big air final which I believe is snowboard competition but you have to have massive ears

38:05Hoity J will be completing later in the Big Nose final.

38:17Zoe's going to be looking to defend her snowboard slope style title later on in the Olympic Games next week.

38:24Jase:Is that next week? Yeah. Damn it, that's a long time to wait. It is. Jase? I'll tell you what. this Olympics has really captured the imagination of a nation, hasn't it?

38:42Jase:Jase? People are just, they're loving it. They are, Mogi, you're right. Look at Jase. Jase. Look at him over there thinking about Joey's, you know, Zoe's in it. I suppose he's just nervous ahead of his big snowboard event.

38:59Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

39:04Keyzie:Tell you what, it is a damn big show with old Hoity J, Mogey and Keezy. And it's brought to you incidentally by Reburg Year. Handcrafted burgers, loaded fries and gourmet eats that will change the game. Reburger, it's really great. Now I just realised, fellas, it's Tuesday night. Normally we do What's on the Dinner with Me, Keezy. but we're going to have to skip that tonight because we're doing lunchbox chat. So what are you having for dinner, Keezy? I need to know. I actually don't know. I don't know. I asked my wife as I was leaving. I said, hey, what are we having for dinner tonight? And then she was like, oh.

39:41And then I was like, oh, my God, by the time she remembers. I was fuming. By the time she remembers, I'll be halfway to work. And then just as I was hopping in my car, I heard her yell out the window, chicken. Right. So it's chicken. Yeah.

39:54Keyzie:Chicken portmint. Okay. That's not, yeah, yeah, yeah, chicken, pork, mince. Actually, I don't mind a chicken mince. I'll often make my own chicken mince.

40:03Jase:I think it's madness. I think it's madness. And just while we're on that, my wife's gotten into the habit of making a chicken drumstick, an abomination of a cut. She knows I don't like it. A drumstick? I loathe a drumstick. I loathe a drumstick. And they keep turning up. and Grandma Sue, I got home and my wife said, when Grandma Sue was there, chicken drumsticks tonight. I said, I hate chicken drumsticks. My wife took that information, turned to Grandma Sue and said, yeah, he hates chicken drumsticks. So, well, why are they in the house? Do you see what I'm saying? I see what you're saying. I mean, she's having a go at me.

40:44Jase:She knows I don't like it. So what she's saying to me when I come home, what's her dinner? And I make dinner too, so don't start, the three women that listen to that, to this show. But when I come home and I say, what's for dinner? And she says chicken drumsticks. What she's saying to me is nothing for you. Yes. Do you like a chicken nibble? Love a chicken nibble. Interesting. Different. I know what you're saying. But a chicken nibble is a nibble. It's not dinner. A chicken nibble is a chicken nibble. It's a snack. A drumstick is nothing. It's just too much work. I didn't know chickens had nipples.

41:22What are you having, Jase? Dunno, actually. Oh, wow. You should get some chicken drumsticks.

41:27Keyzie:Had a wonderful banh mi last night. Very good it was, too. Chicken thigh, that was. Did you know in a banh mi... Which is like a French roll stick thing. Yeah, a Vietnamese sort of... Yeah, sandwich. They had pate in it. Ooh. I didn't know that. I don't know if you guys know this. I've been to Vietnam. I don't recall them putting pate in their banh mi.

41:53Jase:But you're off your face on the opium.

41:56Keyzie:Over in Vietnam? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Soundgarden there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. Now, we had a bit of a chat earlier in the show about the old lunch boxes that we used to have as kids, and we decided to try and formulate a top ten list of what must-haves in the lunchbox. Yeah, it's amazing because it goes across generations, right? It does. Because I had Dunkaroos, which were little kangaroo biscuits you dunked in chocolate, but you guys didn't have those. No.

42:29Jase:Never had those. They sound good, but I never had them. Did you have a lunchbox with a picture on it? I didn't have a lunchbox at all. I had a school bag in which I put my change of clothes if I needed one, in which case I put a spare pair of undies once because I had diarrhoea. Didn't need them as it turns out, so that was good. And also my school books and all that sort of thing and all of my food. We'll just float around in there.

42:57Keyzie:I used to have a stick which I put over my shoulder and I used to wrap it up in a kerchief and tie it on the end of my stick. You're so lucky you went there. I was about to say the exact same thing. and you have like a bit of hard tack in there, eh, or like a biscuit and a piece of cheese. Yeah, it's called cabin bread. Cabin bread. Yeah, yeah. Zap milk has come up quite a lot on 3483, which I never had.

43:22Jase:Now, that was a real flashback. That was real early 80s sort of stuff. There was banana, chocolate, and strawberry. Yes. There may even have been a caramel, but it was in the little sort of Tetra packs. Yeah. And the other thing that went with that, I think it may have, because you think now those Tetra packs have been around forever, but of course they weren't. Just Juice used to be in those as well. But the thing was, and I really remember it with the milk, is you'd scull it, you'd drink it with your straw, then you'd put it on the ground, then you'd stomp on it, and it would pop and the milk would go splatter out along the concrete.

43:57Jase:And that's core memories, man. Yeah, it's like a gunshot wound. A wound. Was Primo the thing that took over Zap? Yeah, quite a bit later. Was that in the plastic bottle? Yeah. So by that time that came out, it was off me flavoured milks. You're off the milk. Yes.

44:16Keyzie:I still love my flavoured milks. Yeah, same here, Jase. You loved Nippy's, eh? Yes. Nippy's iced coffee. Jelly crystals, is that a thing?

44:23Jase:It was. It was sort of a cousin to the Raro sweet navel orange sort of a set up. But I'll be honest with you, most people look down on that. Yeah.

44:33Keyzie:Right, okay. We ran the condensed milk a little bit. Oh, we. Really?

44:38Jase:Yeah, yeah. Like just a tin of condense? Yes. That was sort of in the shadow of the Second World War. Yes. Where you get out your condense.

44:47Keyzie:You couldn't really have your two litres of milk there, Kesey, you'd go off in the trenches. Right. Yeah. Wait, so you're in the trenches now. All right, so the top ten looks like this, fellas, and feel free to jump in at any point. This is from contributions from the listeners and the most common things that have come through. Top ten in no particular order. Number one, roll-up. Yes, 100%. Roll-ups are in there.

45:07Jase:Roll up was a little bit of fruit, wasn't it, they said, but really it was just sugar, and it was rolled out and wrapped up in a little bit of baking paper so it didn't stick to itself. Yes. Very, very chewy, very bad. My mother used to say it'll have your fillings out. Yes. 100%, and I loved it, and I wasn't allowed it, and I used to always trade for it. Number two is iced animals. Number three, le snack, which is three crackers and some cheese. Crackers. Number four, sun-made raisins. Yeah, I think that's a real classic.

45:35Keyzie:Yeah, it is an absolute classic. It has to be sun made too so that you can use the box as a whistle afterwards. Number five, Kelsey Yum flavoured yoghurt. And you don't use a spoon. You tear a corner of the lid off and you suck it out.

45:46Jase:That's right. You suck it hard. That's exactly right. You squeeze it and you squeeze it real hard. You get the heel of your hand right on the bottom of it there. And then you just chuck it on the ground. How good, man. Number six, Raro Navel Orange eaten straight out of the packet. Sweet Navel, yep. Number seven is Ka-Bar. Any flavour Ka-Bar, Jase? Because my favourite was the orange one as well.

46:06Keyzie:Orange, I did like an orange one. I like the grape one. Grape purple? Yeah, the purple one. Okay, number eight, Dunkaroos, which I've mentioned. Number nine, Zap flavoured milk. Which flavour do we want to lock in? Chocolate I used to go for. Yeah, it's fine by me. And number 10 is a luncheon sausage sandwich with lots of butter and tomato sauce. Yeah. Yeah, well, I didn't like lots of butter, but it used to come with lots of butter. Yeah, good.

46:28Jase:That's a great top 10. Yes, totally. Out of all of those things, in terms of healthy foods that I would choose to feed my daughter in this day and age, I don't think one of them would land on the list. Raisins. Oh, no. You're not even allowed raisins now. Are they too sugary? The dentists say you can't because they stick to your teeth and create cavities. It's out the gate. It's PC gone mad. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

46:56Keyzie:Incubus there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. Let's give away some meat and for cash. What's this? A Radio Hauraki Bar Tab? That's right, the Hauraki Bar Tab. It is spelt B-A-A-A-A. Yeah. Bar. Like a lamb, which is Pug's idea. He just piped in there into our ears and wanted us to tell it. Which is good stuff, Pugs. Keep it up, buddy. It was really good from you, man. Good stuff, Pug-san. I'm proud of you, man. National Lamb Day is February the 15th, which is not far off now, fellas. In fact, it's this Sunday.

47:34Jase:Wow. So this Sunday, why don't you fire up your barbecue for National Lamb Day and find out more about the day at nationallambday.com. I don't think I've had a barbecue this year.

47:41Keyzie:No, neither have I. But how good? Are you going to have your Sunday lamb roast? 100%, man. Raise a chop on National Lamb Day this Sunday. Now, fellas, we put three people in the drawer earlier on the show. It is now time to call one of them back. We have done a lucky dick.

47:58Jase:Clip that off with your pugs and send that to the... the radio awards there. For what? Old Lucky Dick, they call him. What am I going to win an award? Guess who's got a new nickname? Old Lucky Dick. Yeah, because I haven't got enough nicknames as it is. We had to choose between Dan, Jack and Duncan. We've done a randomiser and Duncan has come out on top. You see how I just moved on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really good, Casey. Well, I just want to let you know that that's not the end of it. No, of course not. It definitely is. So Duncan came out on top. Let's give him a call there, fellas.

48:32Keyzie:Are you going to talk, Chase? Yeah, man. Okay. Hello, Duncan speaking. Yeah, g'day, Duncan, you mad bastard. It's the fellas from the big show. How are you going? How are you, fellas? All good? Yes, good. Sounds like you're at home now. All settled in, are you? Oh, I'm all, yes. Tell those kids to settle down, man. Yeah, I know, right? Cut it! Yeah, get on you, Duncan. Good news, bro. We're ringing up because we've got a meat pack for you and$100 cash. Oh, you little bloody beauty. Yeah, good idea, mate. Now, Dunk, we want you to cook up a feast with that meat pack, and I want you to send some pics to our Instagram.

49:10Keyzie:Send some pics of your meat to our Instagram, okay, Dunk? Look, I'll upload a load of my meat on your Instagram, don't you worry. Bless, bless, bless. Good on you, Dunk. You hold the line, and Pugs will grab your deets, all right? Thanks, guys. Thanks, man. God. How good, eh? Imagine that, a whole lot of meat, some cash. Man, what a way to start your week. I'd use the cash to buy some meat. But you're already getting heaps of meat. You know what I'd do? I'd take the meat and I'd sell it for cash.

49:38Jase:And you'd get heaps for it as well. Yeah. Because you're a lucky dick. I forgot about that. I had completely forgotten about that. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

49:56Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Faith, no more there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show. this beautiful Tuesday evening. Hey, fellas, I've got a hypothetical question. Can I lay it on you? Sure, man. Douche, douche, douche. Right, so I've been thinking about this, and there's another hypothetical question in tonight's podcast outro that comes out at 7.30pm. You should check it out.

50:14Jase:That's a shocker. I think we should start doing those hypotheticals. Do we used to do that as a standard thing? Oh, sort of.

50:19Keyzie:On the show or on the podcast? Anywhere. On the show we did, yes. So this one is something I have actually thought about quite a lot when I'm driving home daydreaming. So let's say I get access to a time machine, right? And I somehow get warped back in time to say ancient Egyptian times. Oh, yeah. And I'm in Egypt and they discover me.

50:40Jase:Yeah, you'd be a slave in three minutes. 100%. How can I communicate to the Egyptians that I am worth keeping around because of my knowledge from the future? Oh. And what is my knowledge from the future?

50:51Keyzie:Well, I think that's a ridiculous hypothetical because they burn you at the stake. Well, that's not what they did. As a madman. Or they'd put you on the slave duty to build a pyramid. They'd go, this guy's lost his marbles. He's saying he's from the future.

51:09Jase:We might have to put him on buckets of sand duty. I don't think he can handle the big rocks.

51:14Keyzie:Exactly, yeah. Buckets of sand duty.

51:16Jase:They're in a desert. Put some sand out of the wakey so he can put the stones in, you know? Yeah, but the thing is, how can I communicate that I'm from the future? Because I don't speak Egyptian. You know what I would do, man? I'll tell you what. this is what I would do. Do you know the old I'm pulling off my finger trick? Oh, that you do with kids. Yeah, yeah. What about I've got your nose? Oh, got your nose is another one. Absolutely. I think those sort of little parlor tricks would really fool those idiot Egyptians that built the pyramids. Wouldn't they think I'm a witch doctor? A witch doctor?

51:45And then put me on sand bucket duty? Oh, because of your nips. No. So which witch doctors in history have got giant nips?

51:54Keyzie:Actually, quite a few famous witch doctors have big nips. That's actually what qualified them in the first place because they had such an unusual body thing going on that they were immediately shunned by society and turned into witch doctors.

52:09Jase:You probably because of course they had that technique, you probably would have been put on a dunking machine and they would have dunked you in the Nile.

52:17Keyzie:Yes, thank you, that's better.

52:18Jase:And that's one of those ones where they dunk you and if you drown, then you weren't a witch and if you don't drown, then you are a witch at which point you get burned at the stake. It's a classic bit of genius. Let's just say for some reason they hear me out and they're like, all right, tell us something from the future that shows why we should keep you around. What knowledge could I lean on? Do I look around and look at the wheel, for example? Do I say, give a look at one of your chariots, man? You know, I could probably improve that.

52:45Keyzie:Can I just say. If you had your dad. Yeah, if dad. He could probably. Can I just say, I mean, you're putting it in a scenario. all right, they're just sitting there chatting with you going, oh, so what is this guy going to – I mean, they'd see you and execute you probably because you'd be so freakish looking.

53:04Jase:What were you wearing when you go back? I guess just what I'm wearing now, like a T-shirt with drag cars on it. A 2013 regional champion. And then a Waz hat on backwards. Well, this is fun. This is a fun way to do hypotheticals. I don't know. I really am wondering what you could do. Yeah, because it's like – If you had a hacky sack, you'd be sweet. A hula hoop. Hmm. I can't. Maybe some juggling balls. Oh, yeah. Well, they would have people in the court there that juggle for the pharaoh already. Do they have a court for the pharaoh? Yeah, 100%. Ah. The oldest magic trick, documented magic trick, is from ancient Egyptian times.

53:43Jase:What was that trick? So they, oh, it was like, I think they cut the head off an animal and then brought it back to life. Oh, that's a good trick. I think. But yeah, anyway, this has been fun, guys. we should definitely do this segment more often because it's great chat. Yeah, I definitely want to do it more, but now I really want to know what would work in that situation.

54:01Keyzie:Well, text us 3483 and let us know. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

54:15Keyzie:There you go, you mad bastards. That's The Big Show done and dusted this Tuesday evening. Now, in the podcast outro, it was an interesting, fascinating hypothetical chat that we had. It kind of did my head in a little bit, but the other fellas really enjoyed it. It was good stuff. If you want to hear the full chat, it comes out at 7.30 tonight. Search Haraki Big Show wherever you get your podcasts from. Here's a wee snippet. He was saying, I went back in time and then just had a...

54:43Jase:No, he went back in time, found himself, and then went in there and made himself watch. Oh, no, what the hell? That'll be a hell of a picture. That draws a pretty good picture. Obviously, the podcast itself is not beeped. No. No, no. I'll tell you what, I enjoyed that chat, and I'll be listening to that podcast. Good on you, mate. Yeah.

55:04Keyzie:Because it is interesting.

55:05Jase:But tonight, though, you'll be going home having some drumsticks and a lie down. You know, hilariously, my wife texted me, and she said, would you like this pasta tonight? Would you either like it with tuna or drumsticks? Damn. And I'm saying drumsticks, Phillips. Really? I just want to get them out of the house. I don't want them in my fridge anymore. I want them gone.

55:25Keyzie:You want them done. Are they marinated at least?

55:29Jase:It's hard to tell. I've had six today.

55:32Keyzie:I've never seen you so broken. Drumsticks, man. I don't like them either. I'm not a big fan of them. I'm not a big fan of them.

55:40Jase:It's not it. I get it if there's no other option. But there's so many other options to chicken drumsticks.

55:49Keyzie:You see what I'm saying? It sounds like you guys get into the same sort of situation we get into. Yes, there's a lot of options, but I just don't know which one to pick. Oh, I do. Yeah, thigh is number one. Oh, I definitely go thigh in terms of chicken.

56:03Jase:Breast. No, breast is dry. You've got to wean yourself onto the thigh, man. No, no, no. It's dry because your wife's cooking. No, no, no, no, no, no. Mogi, how dare you? How dare you? We should discuss this on the show. What is the ranking for parts of the chicken? Yes, I agree. And then the next day we can do a cow.

56:21Keyzie:Yeah, and a pig. Yes. And tofu. Wow, you'd know. You'd be the professional on the pig. Yeah, all of it, jamming in the minter. Keezy, what are you up to tonight, mate? I don't know. Go home, watch something with my wife, play PlayStation, go to bed. What about you, Jase? Ah, let me think. We literally don't have time. Well, obviously I'm going to start walking and bed. See you tomorrow.