FULL SHOW: Opening Night

11:38Jase:He'd say, go and dig a hole. And he'd go, fiddle-dee-dee. Wow, that's interesting.

11:46Keyzie:And then once he'd finished digging the hole, they'd say, are you finished there, St. Patrick? And he'd go, to be sure, to be sure. I feel like you're just being racist now

12:00Jase:And so that's why he's famous for that For digging a hole And he also drove all the snakes out of Ireland Oh yeah true Yeah yeah yeah That's right Well of course they didn't have any to begin with Ah But everyone was so hammered over there That they were hallucinating snakes

12:14Keyzie:Yeah they were in the DTs Yeah They had delirium tremens I've never heard of that Fiddle dee dee Right Jase, have you ever, you know, partaken on St Patrick's Day? Not that I'm aware of, Kesey. Right, so probably then. Yeah, probably, I'd say so. 3483, give us a text. Is anyone celebrating St Patrick's Day today? What does it look like? Who are you doing it with? Well, you just get steamed, don't you? I know, but... That's the basic premise, isn't it? No, I know how to get... I know. I know you know how to.

12:44Jase:That's culture, though. That's culture for you. It is culture. You can't bag it because it's culture.

12:48Keyzie:So where does the getting steamed part come into St. Patrick's sort of tale?

12:53Jase:Oh, that's a good question. Well, that's the snakes part. Oh, right, okay. Because they're all slaughtered drunk off potato juice.

13:03Jase:Which had fermented and become alcohol. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they love it. You know what the Irish are like. I come from Irish stock myself, so I know. So do I, actually, interestingly. So I can say whatever I want. I don't come from Irish stock. Oh, you just watch your mouth then. Well, I haven't said anything. Fiddle-dee-dee. Hang on. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

13:23Keyzie:Stone Temple Pilots there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon. The time is exactly 20 minutes to five o 'clock and we've got breaking news.

13:36This is breaking news. Fellas. Fellas. This is huge news. This is huge news. I heard whispers, but I didn't want to believe it. I just did not want to believe it. We are heading back to Brisbane for the NRL Magic Round.

14:01Wow. This is huge. Wow. It's going to be a three-peat. The Warriors haven't lost while we've been there, fellas. We've witnessed two great victories. One that involved us missing our flight home because we were partying too much afterwards.

14:13Jase:Party, party, party. Yeah. Of course, we are going over there with our good friends at Boys Trip. Sports travel made easy. BoysTrip.co.nz. Get your package sorted if you want to be over there with us. Got them fizzed up, fellas.

14:23Keyzie:Yeah, I tell you what. And as the week goes on and the weeks go on, we're going to give you guys the opportunity of joining us, you know, off your own bat, joining the fellas. Yeah. Well, of course, you can guarantee your spot there. BoysTrip.co.nz. You know, you'll see us there. You'll be at all the same functions as us. You'll be at the same games as us. You'll be sitting in the same area as us. Yes. Or, if you don't want to do that for some ridiculous reason, you listen out over the next few weeks, you call up when we tell you to, and you get your name in the drawer to join us at Magic Round.

14:55Keyzie:I tell you what, fellas, nothing gets me fizzing more than a weekend full of Rockball League. Rockball League.

15:02Jase:Yeah, I mean, is that breaking news or is that old news? What? Because we've been talking about it for about two months. Have we? Haven't we? Haven't we, though? I feel like we have.

15:11Keyzie:Well, we did it this time last year. Yeah.

15:13Jase:We did. Oh, and then we've also been talking about going to Magic Ground. Have we? Yeah, I thought we had. Maybe. Maybe we haven't. Well, it wasn't like concrete, though. Oh, was it not? It was still setting. Ah. But now it's set. Now it's set. And you can walk all over it.

15:26Keyzie:There may be a few sort of interesting differences in this particular trip as well, which we'll get into as the weeks go along. Yes, really? Because I've got an idea forming in my head, fellas, which I want to run past you a little bit further down the line. Great. You couldn't run past me, man. I'd cut you down. I would chop you down. Yeah, great stuff. So keep an ear out. I think we're going to kick it off on Thursday. Yes. Your chance to get in the draw to come and join the fellas at the Magic Round.

15:53Jase:If you haven't been, it's a hell of a trip. I'd just jump straight in there and pay for it. We're going to be playing the Broncos. Wow. On the Sunday afternoon, the Waz there. So she's a bloody ripper. Every team plays bar one. It is a huge weekend. It's one of the great sporting trips. If you haven't been, you simply must. I love that we're playing the Broncos too because they've started horrendously and they are the defending champs. Yeah, they'll come good by then. And it's their home ground. Yes, that's right. They will come good by then.

16:23Keyzie:It seems every time we do the Magic around, we're playing some beasts. We played Penrith. Penrith Panthers the first time. And we beat them with a very injury hit side. That's right, Jase. And then we played the Cowboys. The Cowboys. So-so. Yeah, we pumped them. But to go, yeah, Panthers, Cowboys, and then now the defending champs, it is huge. Yes. And if we win, it will be amazing. Good stuff, man. So keep an ear out from Thursday onwards. Now a bit of Aussie Osborne for you. Cheers. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed. Jimmy Eat World there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon.

17:04Keyzie:But right now it's time for... What's on the telly with Mike Minogue.

17:13Yeah.

17:14Jase:That's right. Okay. I didn't really watch anything last night, fellas. I'll be honest. I got nothing.

17:22Keyzie:After watching an episode of I Survived, where a guy gets trapped under a tree for four days. Does he live? He does. Does he survive, though? But he tries to self-amputate his arm with his little pocket knife, but it doesn't work.

17:40Jase:I did that one.

17:41Keyzie:And then he tries to cut his hand off, and that doesn't work either. But he eventually gets discovered. Another guy got attacked by a mountain lion, got his face ripped off.

17:50Jase:I don't know how that guy got out from underneath the tree. He just had to take his jersey off. Oh, really? Yeah. That's clever. Because his jersey was caught.

17:57Keyzie:After watching that, I then went into a recommendation from old Mogey from yesterday. Murdoch, a dynasty. about the media mogul Rupert Murdoch, who's a multi-billionaire and probably done more to destroy the world than any other human being on the planet. Because don't roll your eyes at me, Christopher Key. Who the hell's that? But it's really a family saga. He's got two sons and a daughter. He's got multi-million dollar companies all around the world. And it's really who takes over from him when he dies. if he ever dies. But he's not prepared to sort of give anything up at any stage, it seems.

18:40Keyzie:No. And he plays his kids off against themselves in a horrific fashion, emotionally tortures them. He's just a piece of work. He really is. But it's a fascinating series. It is. And, you know, he's a real go-getter.

18:53Jase:He really is a go-getter, isn't he? He is. He went out there and he took on the world, Keezy, and he won. Yeah, well, he comes from it. His father was big in the newspapers, Keezy. He's a newspaper man, they like to call him. So he came from a hell of a lot of money as well. And then all of those contacts and that history sort of got passed down to old Rupert there. Yes. And then he ended up controlling the media in Australia, the United Kingdom and the US. Yes.

19:17Keyzie:He's done amazingly well given his name's Rupert. Well, there's heaps of successful people called Rupert. Rupert Grint. He played Ron Weasley. Oh, that's true.

19:30Jase:Yes. Yes. Point taken. I wouldn't say he was massively successful. What's he done since? What's your favourite Rupert Grint movie after Harry Potter there? Probably The Prisoner of Azkaban. What was the question? Fellas, last night... How many buzzies? Oh yeah, how many buzzies? I'll give it a solid three and a half buzzies. And what did you watch it on? Netflix. It's on Netflix, right. Last night we just watched the latest episode of Celebrity Amazing Race Australia. the reason we're watching it is because someone I used to work with is one of the final few couples in the race. Right. Aisha Scott.

20:10She's very famous from Below Deck. I didn't realise this. She worked on cruise ships and stuff and I met her at the TV Awards last year here in New Zealand. We had a yarn. Turns out we were reminiscing. We both worked at the same fruit shop together and she had this memory of this Christmas party where we all hopped in a Holden Commodore and drove to Auckland and went to Spookers.

20:31Jase:Oh, that's right. But it was my Holden Commodore. You were hanging there with heaps of facts and stuff. I don't know if I was. Maybe Fruit Facts because we worked at a fruit shop together. Yeah. But she's in the top four or five, which is really exciting. So when you've got like a horse in the race, it's like, oh, this is cool. It's great. Highly recommend it. It's on TVNZ. Good watching. How many buzzies? Oh, to be honest, it's a reality TV show, so like 3.6. Oh, that's high.

20:55Keyzie:After five o 'clock, a bit of petrol chat, fellas. Pet chat. Petrol chat. Oh, yeah. Also, I had a bit of a weird altercation. Well, not an altercation. A lovely moment. With a supermarket. With a mad woman. No, she was not mad, Moggy. Was she blind? No. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Tuesday's going off. You're listening to The Big Show brought to you by Toledo's. Why pause your thirst to feed it with Toledo's natural electrolyte drink?

21:33Jase:No, it's your turn.

21:34Keyzie:No, we've decided that that's the one. Oh, have we? Yeah. What is it? Now that's... Oh, no, that's not it. Now we're drinking. Now we're drinking. Must be good because we've all forgotten it. Twice. Also, that official tagline hasn't been signed off by Toledo's. They're available at every single fresh choice around the country, by the way, and in some new worlds in pack and saves, or online, toledos.co.nz. Yeah, it's good stuff. You just had one before, Muggie. What did you think? No, I didn't. I'm having one right now. Oh, no, it was Keezy. Sorry, my bad. What do you think, Keezy? Are you losing it, man?

22:15Citrus Toledo's fresh out the fridge. Delicious. I've almost finished it. Yes. You know when you hear, like, natural and low sugar and blah, blah, blah, you're like, oh, here we go.

22:22Jase:Oh, God, here we go. So here we go. Yeah, now we're talking. But it's actually bloody nice. Yeah, good. My favourite flavour so far, citrus. Nice.

22:29Keyzie:I might smash one now before the next two songs and before we get into our next voice break. Do it. I'll give you a review afterwards. Righto. In the meantime, here's REM. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Lincoln Park there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon. The time is 14 minutes past five o 'clock. And fellas, you're probably wondering to yourselves, jeez, why is Hoardy J looking so hot at the moment? You look the same as normal, but you just don't have a hat on.

23:04Jase:Yeah, and you've got a different shirt on, and one of the pockets is hanging out. Yeah, one of the pockets is out.

23:10Keyzie:And when I walked in today, you must have been like, hello, here we go. Yeah, yeah. That's right. Fellas? Sure, man, whatever you need. But it's a big day in the Hoodie J household. My beloved wife, it's the opening night of her play tonight. And can I just, before Mogi starts talking, can I just wish her a very good evening and for her to break a leg, and I love you, darling. You're going to be awesome.

23:44Jase:Of course, Keezy and I and the pug son there, we all agree it's a very special night, Which is why, of course, the three of us had flowers sent backstage for her. Opening night of a play. She hasn't done a play for a long time. She will be nervous. So to know that she's got our support. I mean, what we've given her will pale in significance to what you as her husband would have sent through to her. Obviously, we've done the same, which is special for her. But just a little something to say we are thinking about. It's a momentous occasion. It was actually quite funny, Jase, because I was at the post shop sending off some flowers.

24:23And old Moggy comes in and I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, oh, I was organising and sending some flowers. And then Pugs walked. We were all going to send three different bouquets of flowers. So we just wrote them all into one.

24:31Keyzie:So they were all out in Teatatu at the post shop there. No, it was the one by work here. Oh, well, that's good, fellas. That's very kind of you to do that. I'm sure she'll be absolutely. So you all got her flowers, did you? Well, in the end, we just put them all together. One big one.

24:44Jase:Yeah, 500 bucks all together and just wrote in one card. Is that what you do on an opening night, is it? Certainly it's tradition. Oh, right. It's terrible, terrible luck if you don't do it. Right, right. Well, thank God you did. For the marriage. But also, if it's not tradition, it's just a nice thing for us to do.

24:59Keyzie:Of course, of course. What did you get her again? Pardon? Oh, I know. He took his hat off and did his hair. And left his pocket hanging out. And left his pocket out. This isn't, by the way, the full extent of my ensemble. Oh, yeah? I'll put that on after the show. I just don't want to get all sweaty now. Well, he's going to put his hat back on.

25:21But, yeah, so the other thing too, obviously, tonight's opening night. JC, you're going.

25:27Keyzie:Yes, I am, of course, Keezy. Friday, Friday night, I've booked tickets to go and see it with my wife. I got a message from Keezy yesterday, Mogi. No word of a lie. Is there any possibility you can get me a discount? Yeah. No. Yeah. I did not ask for a discount. Hang on. I like supporting the arts.

25:48Jase:Are you saying, Jase, because you don't consider this to be the arts? Oh, no, it's absolutely the arts. Hang on, hang on. Did you pay for your ticket?

25:57Keyzie:Absolutely I did. Really? Yes. I don't think you did. I can show you the receipt. I'd like to see it. Yeah, okay. Cool, are you going to get it out? But anyway, oh, so you bought tickets, Keezy. I've bought tickets. My wife and I are going to go. Pugs and his partner, and Moggy's just seeing if he's available. Well, that's right.

26:12Jase:Well, I want to go, but I am weary of wasting my money. Right, okay. Of course, Jase, you're going tonight, so tomorrow if you could review it for us tomorrow and just let me know if I'm wasting my time or not. Oh, you won't be. No, but let us know.

26:26Keyzie:I don't know if she's going to be stoked about Keezy going. No. Why not? I'm just a patron of the theatre. I just want to, you know, on a Friday night, go and watch some theatre. Yeah. Go watch a play or something. Now, obviously, this does bring into question and the sort of beef between me and your wife, whom I cherish. I love your wife a lot. She's a lovely person. She's easy. I think really of you. No, exactly. This is what I'm talking about. Well, that's actually not true, Mogi. She used to. She did. Yeah, now. This is the issue is I'm now in a situation where I feel like I have to be glowing about anything Hoity J and his wife do.

27:05Jase:Yeah. Otherwise, it's going to be detrimental to the entire big show relationship.

27:09Keyzie:To be honest with you, Kesey, I think we're well beyond that point now. Too little, too late. Yeah, that horse is bolted as the saying goes. I'm just really looking forward to your come dine with me evening.

27:20Jase:But you don't need to be honest when it comes to reviewing plays. There's no need to be brutally honest with every comment. You can protect your relationships if you want, Keezer. Like the way you gave a six out of ten, it's almost impossible to come back from that. So when you're going to review this play on Friday night and you see her afterwards, even if it's absolutely awful. Which it won't be. Which it could be. You can simply say, makes you think. Right, makes you think.

27:51Keyzie:If you say that to my wife, I'm going to smack you. Here's Jane's addiction. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed. Green day there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon. I know the time is 26 minutes past 5 o 'clock. And I don't know if you've noticed this, fellas. There's a bit of a war going on around the world at the moment. What is it good for? What is it good for, man? Absolutely nothing. Say it again, Keezy. You're right, Jase. And it has impacted me, for example, with the cost of fuel in particular going up.

28:27Jase:I know. I'm now a bit iffy about driving my little truckie to work. Yeah, because that's a guzzler, isn't it? I don't think they were thinking about, you know, poor old Keezy when they started this bastard. No. I don't think they were. Because my truck has got a V8 in it, man. You can't be driving a V8 at the moment. It's not good. Up over three bucks, man. All of the V8s of the world just sitting at home, Jase. Yeah, totally, man. I've left mine at home. Yeah, same. What is it? A V8.

28:50Keyzie:A V8, man. Come on, man. Come on, Keezy. That's all the details I need. Let's not talk cars because it just gets embarrassing for you.

28:57Jase:But it does remind me of the oil shortage they had in 1979 in New Zealand. And it was a similar sort of thing, Keezy. You know what I'm saying? There's another Middle East war. People can't get their bloody beaks out of other people's business. You know what I'm saying. I know, totally. And so what they brought in New Zealand was you had a carless day. So you'd have a sticker on your car, and that said the day that you were or were not allowed to drive your car around. Wow, okay. So if it had Monday on mine. Yeah, you can't go driving on a Monday. So you're going to have to go carpooling. You're going to have to walk.

29:31Jase:You could take public transport, whatever you like. If you were caught in your car on that day, out the back, bullet. Boom. Back paddock. Seriously, man. Back paddock. Wow. So what if, because I've got, we've got three cars, my wife and I. Yeah. If we had three different stickers, like Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Yeah. We could, you know, is that a work plan? Well, that's what I did. I had seven cars. Oh, right. I was sweet as. Yeah, it's a good plan. That was what a lot of people did. They just went out and bought another six cars. Oh, right. And that made more sense than just sort of taking a bus.

30:03Keyzie:Which was kind of ironic when you think about it. You know, there's this massive petrol shortage, but car sales went through the roof.

30:11Jase:Absolutely rocketed, Casey. And cars were bloody expensive back then. They were made in New Zealand. There was no imports coming in from anywhere else. What, in 79? And if they did, they were bloody expensive. Bloody expensive.

30:21Keyzie:We're talking like 80, 90 pound and a threepence. Yep. What does that mean? A lot. Far out. Right, it just seems crazy. Yeah, okay. Where would you store them all? Store what? With the six cars you purchased?

30:35Jase:Oh, yeah, just on the front lawn or on the road or in the driveway or whatever, yeah. Yeah, so it was a bit of a bastard. It went for a full year. Wow, did it? Yeah, yeah, a full year, and people weren't big fans of it. You know, there was rights in the streets and all that sort of stuff, you know?

30:51Keyzie:And if you got caught doing a ride in the street, back paddock, bullet. Bang, bang. Right, that just seems pretty full on. Why have I never heard of this? That's a pretty full on way to deal with things.

31:00Jase:This is the thing, Keesley. They don't teach you everything you need to know in school. Exactly. They don't. Actual history. Right, okay. Right, okay. They're trying to keep you stupid, Keezy. Keep you stupid.

31:12Keyzie:I was very fortunate at that time, of course, because I wasn't running any cars, fellas. I had a very feisty filly.

31:23Jase:So you were riding a horse? Yes. Yeah, right. Yes. What was her name? Mad Dog Sally.

31:28Keyzie:Yeah, it was Mad Dog Sally. How did you know that? Have I told that story before? Oh, right, yeah. So you rode a horse. Had the most enormous balls on her. I thought you were going to say honker.

31:40The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

31:47Keyzie:Yes, indeed, you two there on this beautiful Tuesday evening. The time is 10 minutes to six o 'clock. Hey, fellas, coming up after six, if you entered the competition to win for you and a mate to fly up to Auckland there, Stay at the Sky City Hotel and go to the Comedy Gala. Yes. Make sure you get your phone on because we will be calling you after six. Oh, how good, man. It's been funny about that, fellas. I got an email from my agent today with a very strange request because apparently down in Wellington for the Comedy Festival, they're celebrating 30 years of New Zealand comedy. Wow. And they asked me would I be interested in doing a sugar and spice piece down at the Opera House down there in Wellington.

32:30Keyzie:for one of the nights, and I was like, do I want to do that? Wouldn't that be under 50 years of New Zealand comedy? No, it was under, in the email it said 30 years. Now, for those that aren't up to date, what is Sugar and Spice? Sugar and Spice was a duo I was in many years ago with the great Johnny Brough. And I don't know what Johnny's view on this is. I'm kind of open to it, and if I do, will you fellas fly down and watch? Yeah, I'll come down and review it. Yeah. Oh, certainly. I will, definitely. I'd 100 % come. Are you sure you want to do this? Because we did a night of culture, two nights at the comedy festival, and both of you guys hated it.

33:07Jase:And a night of stand-up the year before.

33:10Keyzie:Here's the thing, though. I'm worried, will we still have the same old magic?

33:15Jase:Yeah. Well, the thing is that the magic, you were just pissed.

33:20Keyzie:Most of the time, sure. No, you probably won't. And stoned most of the time, too. Responsibly. Responsibly. No, that's actually inaccurate. it, possibly a little tiddly, but not, you know, wouldn't do anything illegal or anything like that. I've got to say, it's tickled me a little bit, the prospect of it. I don't even know the piece that I think that we should do. And so I'll keep you updated on that so you guys can book flights and stuff. I would 100 % love to go and see that, Jase. It'd be good, eh? Because it's, you know, like I'm very across stuff that you guys have done in the past, although one that I'm not is Sugar and Spice.

33:56Yes. I've heard a lot about it. I've probably seen it on Pulp Comedy back in the day, that TV show that used to be on. Yeah, that's right. My God. I've probably seen it before on that when I was younger, but I'd love to see you guys. You would have been eight. Yeah. In your little bubble there. Okay, stuff it. I'm not going to come see you. I'll be very keen, though. Do you reckon Johnny would be up for it?

34:17Keyzie:Well, I think so. I don't know. I'll find out. Do you reckon the jokes have aged okay? There's no jokes. It's all performance.

34:24Jase:Well, people have said at the time, you're ahead of your time. So let's see. Yeah, maybe. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

34:33Keyzie:Yes, indeed, the Kaiser Chiefs there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. The time is four minutes to six o 'clock, coming up after six o 'clock, teamless Tuesday for the Warriors. Also, the ever-popular What's on the Dinner with Me, Keezy. So whatever you're having for dinner tonight, text us 3483, and you go in the drawer to win 50 bucks cash from Toledo's.

34:58Jase:Now, I know you could be out there listening and maybe you've never heard of this and you're thinking to yourself, God, this sounds like an absolute waste of my time. Well, I don't think anyone would be thinking that. Tune in because it is unbelievable.

35:10Keyzie:Well, you've done a few tweaks on it over the weekend. You said Keezy, so... Giving it a bit of a zhuzh up. Yeah, a zhuzh up. Have I? Yes, a bit of a fluffer. Did I say that? Yeah.

35:20Jase:What's on the tea with me, dinner with me, Keezy. Yeah, cool. The most important part is do text us 3483. What are you having for dinner? And you could win 50 bucks cash. Thanks to Toledo's. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

35:39Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Tuesday night is absolutely going off. You are listening to The Big Show brought to you by Toledo's. Rehydrate the right way with Toledo's. Toledos, real ingredients and natural colours. Crack one. Now you're drinking.

36:01That's good stuff, fellas. I reckon they'll be stoked.

36:03Jase:What about crack one? No. Why not? Because it sucks. Why, though? No, Jase, you're just being... Crack one. You know, you crack at Toledos, you know? No. You know how you crack one? You remember how you used to crack one? Back in the day, sure. Yeah, like that. You crack one. Oh, okay, that's good.

36:21Keyzie:Ten buzzies. Do you struggle to crack one nowadays?

36:26Keyzie:No. No? No. They are delicious. With the right stimulation, Keezy. I just drank an entire citrus-flavoured one. It was delicious. Yeah, good stuff, man. Big fan. I've been told the blue one's quite nice. I'll have a hoon on that tomorrow. Ooh, good flavor. Very nice. Hey, now, am I right in thinking that there's a T20 tonight, New Zealand v South Africa?

36:46Jase:I believe there is. They're all double-headers. South Africa has sent down a team of absolute no-names. None of the players are in the IPL. Out the back of the T20 World Cup, they couldn't be asked. And that seems to be the way that New Zealand cricket has approached it as well, to be honest with you. Yes. With most of our players not being available for the full five games, three here, two there, one there, that sort of style. Yes. And it is a curiosity, given that it's straight out the back of a T20 World Cup. this is also the last series that will be broadcast on TVNZ plus before the rights go back to Sky so if you want to watch it you better get in quick because this will be the last of it

37:28Keyzie:I reckon, hey now listen remember to text us on 3483 what's on the dinner with me Keezy is next yeah I want to know what you're having for dinner I want to know your name and where you're from too 3483 you could win a 50 bucks cash the Hauraki Big Show Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki. Rage against the machine there on the Radio Hauraki big show this Tuesday evening. But right now it's time for... Hey guys, text here from Steve. What's on the tea with me, dinner with me, Keezy?

38:00Jase:That's good. So good. What's on the dinner with me, T... Wait, what is it? What's on the tea with me, dinner with me, Keezy? Yes. It's a segment where you text in what's for tea. and then we read it out and you can win 50 bucks cash. Man. Thanks to Toledo's. It's not to be sneezed at or sniffed at. Totally. Well, you could sniff it. I can't. No. I've got a blocked nose. G'day there, fearless.

38:25Keyzie:There must be a truckload of gunk up there. Got him. He's got you good there.

38:32Jase:Why? He's digging you in the ribs there, Keezy, with that little cheeky comming he just made. Come on, Jase, man. He's made you look a fool there. You've just taken all the steam out of my segment again.

38:42Keyzie:You've got plenty of steam left in you, Keezy. Oh, boom, douche, douche, man. That's two from two, baby. G'day there, fellas. Jason here. Hoyt. No. Gunn. Yes, it's Jason Gunn. What? My favourite of the two. Bubble and Squeak for Dins tonight, lads. I always forget what that is. Is that like a sausage inserted into a Yorkshire pudding?

39:09Jase:No, that's... No, I feel like it's fried leftovers. Oh, toad in the hole, okay.

39:14Keyzie:Yeah, I think it's fried leftovers. It's leftovers, yeah. Yeah, I think so. Sounds yummy, though. It does. Well, it sounds like bubbles. It does.

39:21Jase:I'm not entirely sure what it is. G'day there, fellas. Henry here. Kissinger. Oh. Henry Ford. Yeah, Henry Ford. Inventor of the motor... Wow. Yeah. The mass-produced motor car. He's not the inventor. You give it to him. Nah, it's like a German invention. He's easy to give it to him. No, I wouldn't. He's a massive racist too, Henry Ford, actually. G'day, fellas. Tonight, I'm Henry Ford here. I'm having tacos. Oh, I thought you said he was racist. Yeah, totally. Washed down by Kilkenny for St Paddy's Day. Cheers.

39:53Keyzie:Is Kilkenny, from memory, yeah, it's like a very thick, glutinous, velvety kind of beer. Oh, my God. You'd kill Kenny. Mogi, that is genius.

40:07Jase:This is on fire, this segment. Pugs, clip this off. Clip it off, man. And fire it off. You know where. The Radio Awards. G'day there, feelers. Arcade here. Cade? You don't hear many Cades. I've got nothing for that. R. No. Oh, nice. Cade R. No, arcade. Ah, nice. Yeah, g'day, guys. Arcade here. Fire? It's Arcade Fire here. Tonight we're having steak, broccoli, and mashed spuds with a side of gravy. Cheers and give thanks. Oh, who to? So steak, broccoli, mashed spuds, and a side of gravy. That's pretty good, man. It's good, man. But not the gravy. I wouldn't want gravy. But I like broccoli, mashed potato, and a steak.

40:50Keyzie:The only thing I would eat on that plate is the mash. You're such a child. Why would you not eat peas and steak?

40:57Jase:And like gravy. Did you say peas? Peas, yeah. Oh, no, no peas. Oh, no, I've just added peas. Broccoli, sorry. It's broccoli. Pull yourself together, Keith. I'm so sorry, Cade. I'm sorry, man. Arcade. Arcade. It's that one-two punch that Hoody J did on me earlier in the break. It's really throwing me. You're a bit woozy. I'm a bit woozy because of it. G'day there, fellas. Joseph here. And the Technicolor Dreamcoat. Stalin. Franz. Franz Joseph Glacier. Yep. Franz Ferdinand. No, Franz Joseph Glacier. G'day, guys. Franz Joseph Glacier here. I'm having a Costco pizza and a six-inch glizzy with extra sauce.

41:36Keyzie:What's a glizzy? What's a glizzy? That sounds like the sort of thing you'd know, Keezy. Sounds like filth. A glizzy dog. It's like a sausage or hot dog. Is it? Yeah, like a glizzy. And what else is he having? Pizza. It sounds like this text has been sent by Keezy. What do you mean? Why would I send that text? I'm in here reading it, man. That does, and I'll tell you why. Because Keezy would eat a whole ham and pineapple pizza, but then go, oh, I still wish I had a glizzy. I wish I had a spicy dog or something. A glizzy. A glizzy. All right, fellas, this is a novel. Prepare yourself for it, all right?

42:12G'day, fellas. Jacob here. Orem. Oh, nice. Yeah. No, it's not. It's just a guy called Jacob from Palmerston North. Oh. Tonight he is having golden crispy tender chicken, smoky ham, melted Swiss cheese, paired with a rich cheesy lasagna topper, layered with slow-cooked beef ragu and creamy bechamel, served alongside fresh buttery green beans and perfectly crisp fluffy fries, an indulgent well-balanced plate of comfort and flavour. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

42:46Keyzie:Arctic Monkeys here on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening, which means it's time for Teamless Tuesday. Time to chat footy with me, Casey. What are the Warriors up to?

43:05What are the Warriors up to? Well, they've just named their team list, which happens every single Tuesday at 6pm. And it's interesting today, so much so that we thought we'd take you through it.

43:15Keyzie:Do you guys mind if I pop out for this segment? Yeah, if you would, that'd be great.

43:18Jase:I mean, do whatever you like. You go missing anyway at this point. Old C &K, he's out. He's out. Chanticle hookstar, yeah. He's under concussion protocol, so he's got to stand down, which means that Tain Tuolpiki has come into the side. He played last week, and I thought it was one of his better games, actually. I thought he was really, really good. Still can't break a tackle, but he looks likely. DWZ is on one wing with RTS on the other. Ali Laiatoa and Adam Pompei in the centres. Tanner Boyd is at number seven, but coming at number six for his debut is Luke Hansen. Luke Hansen. Actually, Hoity J, son of Steve Hansen.

43:59Jase:Yes, exactly right. Son of Steve Hansen. An unbelievable prospect. He's been at the Warriors for four years but makes his debut now. Is he really the son of Steve Hansen? Yes, Steve Hansen, the former All Blacks coach, police officer. He is a hell of a player. And in the forwards, we've got James Fisher-Harris, Wade Egan, Jackson Ford, Lekka Halasima starts after there were some issues with our mate Kirk Capewell, who did a calf and is not going to be back until round six. So Halasima moves into the starting position alongside Jacob Laban, and Aaron Clarke rounds out the 13. Interesting. I don't know if Luke Hansen is the son of Steve Hansen.

44:41I think it's spelled differently.

44:42Jase:Yeah, it's probably no relation at all. But they both know the way around a Buckley League ball.

44:47Keyzie:Tell me, so is he a prospect that's been on the fringes? Is he a young fellow? Has he come up through the reserve grade?

44:56Jase:He actually comes out of the Penrith Panthers system. Oh, okay. And he's been at the WARS for four years. So he's been in reserve grade. He's worked his way through Flegg and up into the reserve grade and goes great guns. It'll be interesting to see how he goes. I think he's actually, I think his normal position is at halfback. So it'll be interesting to see how he goes at 5 '8". As we have a look at the reserves, Cam Pereira is in. The speedster out of the Titans. who's been signed this year, got a double last week, and it was a really good game. Iremia, am I right here? Eddie Iremia, too. Yeah, that's right, Noel.

45:30Jase:I've gone too far down. Sam Healy, Dimitri Valmonga, Tennis Auer Smith, Marata Neekore, after playing last week, is in. He is in. He's on the interchange. And Morgan Gannon. There's no 19th man, Keezy. You'll see that there. So the player in Jersey 20 makes up the 19. and the reason for that is because apparently all this year the 19th man for the Warriors is the Mad Butcher. So the Mad Butcher is the Warriors' 19th man. Right. And so there will never be anybody wearing the number 19 jersey this year for only the Warriors and what becomes a fairly gruelling and punishing, annoying piece of admin you have to do every week.

46:12Right, so the Mad Butcher is jersey 19 every game.

46:15Jase:Every single game this year. I mean, obviously he's great. Yeah, I am. But that's really annoying. Yep. It's really annoying, Hoardy J. To be fair, if the Mad Butcher was on a rugby league side, that'd probably be your favourite player. Fun fact about Morgan Gannon. Yes. He's Steve Hansen's son. Jase? Hmm? I'm trying to make this interesting. And Tannis Dowell Smith is Conrad Smith's son. Okay, I believe that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, bloody good. We're up against the Newcastle Knights, who are down a few players there, Keezy. Can you give us a refresher on that?

46:48Keyzie:They're two big players. Three. Well, no, the Fletcher Sharps come back early, which is interesting for them. But yeah, they're without Caelan Ponga, who is their gun fullback on over a million dollars a year. And they've also lost Dylan Brown, who is the player they just bought for a million dollars a year.

47:03Jase:And was pretty much the international player of the year last year, except that he was robbed. That game will be on Saturday at 5pm. Score predictions, I'm going Warriors 13+. I think we'll break 40 points again. I'm going Warriors 20 +, yeah.

47:17Keyzie:I'm going Knights 13+. What's that based on? My extensive league knowledge. Okay. You're smashing pumpkins! The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Nirvana there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. Now, the Comedy Festival, as I mentioned earlier, is about to take off pretty soon. And boy, on that front, do we have an extraordinary prize to give away, Keezy. We certainly do, Jase. Jason is the Best Foods Comedy Gala that starts the Comedy Fest month, the 1st of May, which is a Friday. Now, this comedy gala is hosted by Di Henwood, and it features some of the biggest names in comedy.

47:59Jase:Is Jert going to be there? Who? Jason. Jert. Who's that? Oh, you called him Jert at the start of the break. Did I? Yeah. Jert. Did I?

48:10Keyzie:That's not going to be my new name, by the way. Old hoity Jert. Did I say hoity Jert? That's so weird I'm so sorry man It's okay man I've had worse

48:20Jase:That's a new nickname Yeah sure Nah because your name is Hoity Janus So to call him Hoity Jer I'm so sorry But yeah so the comedy gala there You get flights You get accommodation at Sky City All taken care of The draw has been done Mogi's loving it The draw has been done And it's time to call a winner now Failers Let's do it

48:42Keyzie:How exciting Okay hopefully they pick up Do we know the name of the winner? Albert. Albert. No. It's Gemma. Okay. Hello, Gemma speaking. Yeah, g'day, Gemma. It's old Hoody J, Mogey and Keezy from the Radio Hauraki Big Show. How are you going this beautiful Tuesday evening? Hey, good, good. It is a beautiful Tuesday evening, isn't it? Yeah, it's lovely. Tell me, Gemma, whereabouts are you based? I'm in Nelson. Oh, yeah. Beautiful, Nelson. Tell me, Gemma, what do you do for a crust? I do HR. Oh, backbone.

49:26Jase:That's the way to do it, man. So you'll sort of, you get people in there, how's work going, you're fired, that sort of stuff? All of that kind of stuff, yep. Backbone. All the fun stuff.

49:37Keyzie:Good stuff. Tell me, Gemma, do you like a bit of a laugh? Absolutely. Hence why I listen to the hierarchy. Oh, yeah, yeah. Good on you, mate. Good on you. Good news, Gemma. You entered a competition, the winning of which would involve you flying to Auckland, staying at Sky City Hotel with a friend and going to the Comedy Gala. And the great news is you've actually won that competition. Oh, amazing. Are you serious? Yeah, man. Yeah. So good. Yeah. Tell me, Gemma, who are you going to take with you?

50:15But we'll try and keep in the good books with the husband. I think I'll take him.

50:20Jase:I could just sense you were thinking you had a very good friend that you wanted to take and then you thought, oh, God, now I'm going to have to take my goddamn husband. Damn it. What's his name, Gemma? Matt. Matt. Don't take Matt. Don't take Matt. He's a shocking bastard.

50:36Keyzie:Surely you've got a friend you could take. I'd leave Matt behind to look after the place. Who's that, mate of yours? Yeah, I could auction off. the second seat, couldn't I? You could. You excited, Gemma? Absolutely. That's going to be so good. Bloody ripper, mate. Great stuff. We'll pop you on hold and you have a chat to Pugsana and you enjoy your trip, all right? Thank you. You're welcome. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

51:12Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's the big show done and dusted for this Tuesday evening. What's the podcast outro clip today there, Keezy? Today's outro podcast clip is just labelled entertainment. So I have no idea which clip that is. Pugs has got a big grin on his face, so here we go. What would you do if he did actually organise like a full-blown full frontal nudity stripper? I would leave. Whatever. You'd **** out. I would leave. You'd leave your d*** out. My f***s out.

51:46Jase:Just be wandering around the house. I mean, the funny thing about that is like, you leave it out like it was out at some stage already. That's disgusting. That's disgusting, Jase.

51:56Keyzie:There's no need for that. Honestly, it's gross. I give up sometimes. You know what I'm saying? I'm just like, whatever, man. Okay. That podcast comes out at 7.30 tonight, by the way. Just search Haraki Big Show wherever you get your potties from.

52:10Jase:Jase, can I just say, man, I hope you have a great time tonight? Yeah, thanks, man. Try and enjoy it. Yeah, I will try and enjoy it. It's going to be stressful

52:16Keyzie:for you. It will be stressful for me. Really? But, you know, totally it will be. So, because you're going to watch your wife who's doing a play tonight, first time in a long time, but she's a very experienced actor. She is. So, this is opening night, so you just, you want it to go perfectly. Correct. Right, okay. Yeah, yeah. I'd be freaking out if my wife was in it.

52:35Jase:Yeah, absolutely. It's like a high wire act. Yes. There's a lot that can go right and there's a lot that can go wrong, Kesey.

52:41Keyzie:And it's also that thing, I'm already anxious when I go to theatre anyway. You chuck someone you care about on the stage and you just... My buttocks will be clenched. I'll give you that much, fellas. But I'm very confident you'll give a great performance. Well, of course she will. So if anything goes wrong, it won't be because of her. Is it something that after five minutes you'll be fine? Yeah, possibly. She gets off to a good start. That's the key for every actor, Keezy. Like if you get off to a shocker, like you stumble on a line or you do something like that, it can really put you under the gun.

53:15Keyzie:Are you going to the white room? Yes. Is that what it's called? Yes.

53:18Jase:When you completely forget your first line? Yes. It's good stuff. So if I was in a play and in the opening line I called you hoity-jert rather than hoity-jay, would that just be gone? That would be all right because the audience doesn't know, which is what you've got to remind yourself of, isn't it? Yes. That the audience doesn't know, but you do. Yeah, right. Well, good luck, hoity-jay.

53:40Keyzie:Good luck to my wife. But anyway, thanks, mate. We'll be back same time, same place tomorrow. Till then, see you later, you mad bastards! Bye.