FULL SHOW: Our Sexiest Ever?

7:53Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

8:00Keyzie:Soundgarden there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Friday afternoon. The time, 4.26.

8:06Mike Minogue:Fellas, doing something this weekend I've never done before with my wife.

8:10Keyzie:Oh, yeah.

8:11Mike Minogue:Go on. This Sunday, 1.30 p.m., I will be getting a couple's massage. That is hot. No, it's not. So that's when two people massage you. A couple of people. No, no. You get two each? No. Couples? No, no, no. It's basically what it is. We both, my wife and I both go into a room and then two separate misuses. Misuses. Messiahs. What is it? Masseuse. Masseuse, but there's two of them. Masseuses. Masseuse. Masseese. Dr. Masseuses. Yes, but anyway. They come in and one massages me and one massages her. Actually, Keezy, can you put the sexy music on, please? I don't see why it's relevant. Wow. Okay, so what are you wearing?

9:00Oh, sorry, I mean your wife. No, you're all good. Yeah, just your wife.

9:04Mike Minogue:I'll be in my undies. What will your wife be wearing? I'm not sure. That's a good question. Oh, mysterious. She'll probably be in her undies as well, bottom half, and then we'll have a towel wrapped around, I'd say. Oh, yeah.

9:15Keyzie:But you've got to take the towel off, surely, in terms of getting in there. Sorry. I mean, getting on the shoulders and the spine there to do it properly there. What kind of oil do you think they'll be using? I have no idea, Jase.

9:30Mike Minogue:I've never been before. I was going to ask you guys. Yeah. You know, like, have you ever experienced that? I have had a couple's massage before. Yeah. I think it, I can't remember where it was actually or who it was with. Must have been my wife. Right. And? And it was good. It was good times. It gets pretty, it's actually quite surprising how sexy it gets in there because you think, well, you're just sort of rubbing out the troubles of the day, the tensions, et cetera. Yes. But it does get extremely erotic very quickly. Really? Oh, yeah. Because I imagine at some stage you've got to take the towel off.

10:06Keyzie:Well, that's the thing, James. I don't think so. That's the thing. You're sort of lying face down there, your head buried in a pillow. You've been there before. Yeah, on that hole thing. Yeah, that's right. You're having your face pressed into that pillow there. You've got your face in the hole, yeah. And you've got things running through your mind because you're being touched in a certain way. Now, you don't know if the other person is feeling the same thing. It might be all in your head. Yeah. So you've got to be very careful. And all you can see is their toe jams and their toes and their feet.

10:35Yeah. So it's hard to tell just by that. However, on occasion, as they're moving up and down your body and massaging you there, Keezy, you'll find that they rub certain parts of their body on certain parts of your body. That sounds nice. That's how you've got to sort of work it out. Yeah. At some point, of course, you'll roll onto your back, won't you?

10:55Keyzie:I'd say so.

10:56Mike Minogue:I carry a lot of tension in my quads. Yeah, you do.

10:59Keyzie:And a bit of tent action.

11:02Mike Minogue:What do you mean tent action?

11:03Keyzie:Can I just ask? What? Is it a dude massage in your wife? It was for us. It was two dudes? Two dudes. I'm not sure. Big, strong bastard. Yeah, that's what I want. I want a big, strong fella to really get in there. She'll probably want the same, I imagine.

11:22Mike Minogue:Well, I don't know, because I'm getting a massage. She's getting a facial.

11:40Mike Minogue:I don't know if a dude would be doing that. It'd probably be one of the women, wouldn't it? The Hodaki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.

11:50Keyzie:Smashing pumpkins here on the Radio Hodaki Big Show this Friday afternoon, the time being 4.39.

11:56Mike Minogue:Hey, fellas, do you like yarns?

11:58Keyzie:Yeah, man.

11:59Mike Minogue:What about country yarns? Yeah, man. Same here, man. Well, luckily, we've teamed up with PGG Wrightson for the big show Big Yarn. How good.

12:09Keyzie:Are these sort of country yarns, Kesey? About being a backbone farmer sort of stuff.

12:15Mike Minogue:Yeah.

12:15Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, good.

12:16Mike Minogue:I mean, we've done them already earlier this week on the show. I don't know why you're asking me. Well, it's just a way of sort of conveying information to the audience but making it seem like we're just having a conversation with each other. In a casual way. But then they overhear it and they take that information on. Right, okay. A little peek behind the curtain there. That's an interesting sort of technique. Technique. Yeah, technique. Yeah, for sure. I've never heard of that. No, it should have a name, actually. We are looking to celebrate the hardworking farmers that keep this country going, Maggie.

12:45Mike Minogue:Look, I love celebrating them. If you're keen to win a PGG rights and prize pack and$100 cash, you just have to tell us your best farm yarn. You do that by texting PGG to 3483, and then we send you a link and you enter there. Yesterday we had a yarn, didn't we, to a lass there, and she was talking about the herringbone milking situation they had. There was a young heifer. Yes. The husband had been feeding treats to the young heifer after, you know, feeding time, and it just cut straight past the food and just went straight for the treats. Shocking bastard. You mean it cut straight past the milking and went to the food?

13:21Went to the food, that's right.

13:22Mike Minogue:So there was a story about an uppity young heifer.

13:25Keyzie:Yes. Actually, just on that. She's got a lot of spunk, that heifer. I didn't know you milked heifers.

13:33Mike Minogue:You can milk almost anything. With that in mind, we've got Luca on the line. G'day, Luca. How you going, man? Yeah, good, thanks, Keezy. How are we? Yeah, bloody good, Luca. What do you do for a crust, Luca, you sicko? Oh, I do outdoor education, mate. Oh, yeah, a bit of bushcraft there, Luca. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, good stuff, mate. What's your big yarn there, Luca? Yeah, what's your big yarn, man? Yeah, back in high school, I thought I'd try my hand in dairy farming there after school. So I got me a job on a local farm and was milking for about two weeks under supervision from the big boss.

14:09Mike Minogue:And finally he said, you'll be right to milk on your own. So probably get about three calls away through the milking. And he comes in absolutely effing and jeffing. And I ask, oh, what's wrong? And it turns out I left the milk vat open and all the milk was always in the lab.

14:28Mike Minogue:That is a good yarn, actually. That's a great yarn. Yeah, safe to say I was told to never come back, and that was the end of my dairy farm career.

14:35Keyzie:Oh, mate, that is a shocker.

14:37Mike Minogue:So let me just reiterate, the first time you were milking solo and you just spilt the milk everywhere. Yeah. Jeez. Well, congrats, Luca. You have won yourself a PGG rights and prize pack and$100 cash, man. Cheers, KZ. Good on you, mate.

14:52Keyzie:I'll tell you what, fellas. One thing about farmers, they don't muck around when it comes to the firing. It's like 90 days. I don't think so. It's an interesting one there, though, isn't it, with old Luca. Luca's the kind of guy you keep on. Yes. Because he's never going to make that mistake again. That's right. You get some other dopey bastard that comes along, then he's going to do the same thing and so on and so on. Yeah, so forth. What are you going to do, man? What are you going to do? These farmers, they're hardcore. Do you like a drink of milk, Jase? I love a cold drink of milk straight from the bottle or the teat.

15:25Mike Minogue:No, it's intense Stone Temple Pilots?

15:28Keyzie:Yeah, why not?

15:30Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki

15:34Keyzie:Don't mind me a bit of Kings of Leon of a Friday afternoon Jase, they've got a new EP out Oh, great About five songs on there How good? It's actually really good Can't wait I felt they've sort of slipped the last few albums They've got super commercial Super middle of the road Very hard to digest I'm not a fan, to be honest Yes This new EP is well worth a listen, mate Yeah, great, sounds good I'll be doing that over the weekend but in the meantime, let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue.

16:04Keyzie:Yes. Yes.

16:11Again, fellas, I didn't watch anything last night. I sat outside and just had a yarn with the missus for a few hours. And, yeah, didn't even turn the TV on. Didn't even turn the TV on, Jase.

16:26Mike Minogue:How many buzzies out of five do you give Yarning with the Misses? Last night, we were pretty good. We got to be at about ten, which is pretty good for us. Four and a half stars. You can only really go five stars if you get into four in the morning, five in the morning, six in the morning. Buzies, you mean, not stars. I'm sorry, Jesus, stars. I was thinking about all the stars in the sky last night.

16:44Keyzie:Right, yeah, yeah. But really what I was thinking about, what I should have been thinking about was buzzies. Correct. I got home last night, went straight to the gym.

16:54Mike Minogue:So you don't have a home gym. How do you get home and then go to the gym?

16:57Keyzie:I went home, got into my gym gear, and then went straight to the gym.

17:01Mike Minogue:Are you still rocking the leotard?

17:04Keyzie:Yeah, man.

17:05Mike Minogue:Is that the one with the birds on it, eh?

17:06Keyzie:Yeah. Got home from that. Had a protein shake.

17:11Mike Minogue:A protein shake.

17:12Keyzie:I love protein, man. Then I just did a bit of...

17:17Mike Minogue:That's when you lie down and...

17:20Keyzie:Would you guys shut up? Did some Pilates. Oh, yeah. Then I had a leafy green smoothie.

17:30Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah. What was in that?

17:34Keyzie:Spinach and some spirulina powder. Then I chatted to my wife on the deck there.

17:42Mike Minogue:Front or rear deck?

17:44Keyzie:Front deck, the new deck up the front there. Have you got a nickname for that? Because you've got so many decks, you probably have to have a shorthand. You must have nicknames. Well, no, we just go, I just say front deck, darling.

17:56Mike Minogue:Or back deck.

18:00Keyzie:I don't know what's got into you today, Keezy.

18:02Mike Minogue:I don't know what you're talking about. Is the front deck the one that has, like, evening sun? Yes. Okay, cool.

18:08Keyzie:But by then, of course, it was quite dark. Oh, of course, you get home late. Yeah. And so after that, I did a big... That was a yawn. I thought you'd given a death. And I did the old classic like you do in the movies, fellas, where my arms outstretched and ended up around her shoulder. Oh, yeah. And I was like, old hoodie, jeez. Still got it. Bit fatigued. And then we went to bed and made love passionately for two and a half hours. Wow. How many buzzies did you give it? What was on the TV? I'll give it 4.7 buzzies.

18:41Mike Minogue:Out of five? Yes.

18:43Keyzie:Wow. What about you, Keezy?

18:44Mike Minogue:I watched Selling Homes Australia last night.

18:46Keyzie:Are we talking about hanging out with our missus? Come on, man. Surely you went for a walk after dinner or something.

18:52Mike Minogue:No, we did go for a walk. We went for a walk because we had a very quick dinner. Delicious pasta. Yeah. Bit of prosciutto. Prosciutto, balsamic, vinegar and rocket. It was delicious. Yeah. Went for a walk, then watched Selling Homes Australia. How long's the walk you have each evening? 4K. Yep. Crystal clear 4K. Yeah, it's really nice. And it overlooks the city. Same every time? No, it depends how we're feeling and how much time we've got. Because by the time the show finishes, we get home quick dinner. It is getting quite dark. Yeah. Do you wear your floaters? Last night I wore Birkenstocks with socks.

19:24Oh. Wow. No. Sort of maths teacher vibes. Yeah. That's hot.

19:29Mike Minogue:It was just what I put on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who cares?

19:31Keyzie:Who cares, man? You're married, man, so who cares? I'm married. Who cares? Did you go to bed eventually?

19:36Mike Minogue:Yeah, we went to bed quite early.

19:38Keyzie:Yeah.

19:38Mike Minogue:So we watched Selling Homes Australia on TVNZ Plus, their season 15. This lady had a house valued at$230 ,000, Spent$30. Oh, yeah,$260-ish. Yeah,$260. What did she sell it for, though? $185. Oh, she's a weapon. Because the market was so bad. Right. It was about mitigating losses. How many buzzies did she give that? I gave that episode probably 3.8 buzzies. Yeah.

20:05Keyzie:Wow. She's just remarkably high for a horrendously tedious show.

20:09Mike Minogue:He loved that show. I give The Walk With My Wife 4.8 buzzies out of five. Really? Yeah. It was excellent. Do you like Green Day, Jase? No. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. God, I love Green Day. They've just got it, man.

20:27Keyzie:They really do. Not all bands have got it. Yes. But Green Day have got it.

20:31Mike Minogue:You don't have to tell me, man.

20:32Keyzie:100 % Now listen, it's a Friday. So coming up next, the Friday Throbber. And I think, actually, if I've got the scores right in my head, Mogi, if you win today, she's all over over. Look, I don't want to talk about the scores and give people any kind of an influence one way or the other, Jase. Sure. You know what I mean? It's a very, very delicate time of year, and it's important that nobody comes out of this with an asterisk, all right? That's all I'll say.

20:54Mike Minogue:Yeah, it's an emotional time of year as well. It's a very emotional time of year. So we've just got to, yeah, just play it. Just keep your head on straight, Jase.

21:00Keyzie:Well, I mean, Kesey doesn't need to worry about anything. He's way out of it. I mean, he has got the wooden spoon in both hands.

21:11Mike Minogue:How dare you? Today's theme, by the way, is songs that represent how Jace is feeling now that he's got a sick new haircut. Yes. That's the theme? Yeah, man. So tune in after five. It's going to be a good one. It's going to be an excellent one. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

21:36Mike Minogue:It's the Hauraki Big Show's Friday throbber. Douche, douche. Oh, guys. Dammit. Solo. Are you serious? I know. I was just reading a text here and a fellow was saying the timing for our farm yarns that we've been doing. Is about milking time? Is about milking time. But they have the radio playing in the shed. Bloody oats they do. This guy's saying that they'll be missing it. Ah, I see what you mean. But I disagree. I think they'll be hearing it.

22:03Keyzie:Yeah, because the cows like a bit of rock and roll as well. Oh, they do. A bit of green day. A bit of green day.

22:08Mike Minogue:A bit of chit-chat.

22:09Keyzie:Bit of chit-chat. Now, listen. The Friday Thrower, where we each choose a tune, whatever the theme is, they knew the public called us on 0800 Hodaki and decide which tune you think is best in the first of two wins.

22:25Mike Minogue:That's right. The first two wins and gets played in full. Today's theme is Jase got a new haircut, and this song sums up how he is now feeling because of his new haircut.

22:34Keyzie:Yeah, that's the one.

22:34Mike Minogue:Who wants to go first?

22:35Keyzie:I feel like you guys are just going to go hardcore take the piss.

22:40Mike Minogue:No, I don't think so. I can go first if you want. Okay. Go on then. So this is how I believe Jase is feeling now that he's got a new lid.

22:57Mike Minogue:ZZ Top. Yeah, man. He's just looking for some tush. Yeah. In his bird shirt. You know? What have you got, JizzBot? Oh, you know. I'll go, man, actually. You should go last. Okay. I really shouldn't. But, hey. This is the feeling that Jase has when he walks out. If you can imagine Jase walking out slow motion, this is the song in his head. Crank it up, Keezy.

23:37Mike Minogue:What is that? That's Turandot from Luciano Paparotti. One of the all-time great performances of that song. An absolute throbber. Wow.

23:49Keyzie:It's a great tune. I once saw Paparotti at the end of his career, Mogey. No, not live, but I was watching a video of him doing that very song. And he wasn't the man he was at that time. And he fell apart. Oh, really? really fell apart and was singing it so badly that at the end of it, people were throwing things at him. It was very tragic. If you can find that video of the song on YouTube, any time he does it live, except obviously for that one, Jace, although that sounds like it's got a little bit of value, check it out. It is absolutely unbelievable. He was magnificent. Now, you know, you guys were chatting to me, and I was looking in the mirror, and I thought, you know, this is how I feel about the whole thing.

24:32Keyzie:It's time for a change. Oh, more deftones.

24:36Mike Minogue:Oh, my God.

24:46Mike Minogue:Is this changing the house of flows? Yeah. I don't think this is how Jase would feel. No, I think he's just gone stuff at deftones. I don't think this is how Jase would feel. It feels like this should have an asterisk on it. Because this is not how Jase would feel. It's about change, fellas.

25:02Keyzie:That's how I feel about it.

25:04Mike Minogue:Okay, well, look, give us a call on 0800 Hauraki. Which song do you think should be the Friday Throbber? Really good stuff, fellas. Oh, a bit of James Addiction. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

25:20Keyzie:It's the Hauraki Big Show's Friday Throbber. Douche, douche. Douche, douche. Oh, Chase. You did it again. And that was three weeks in a row, by the way, fellas. I've missed the douche-douche. You're shocking bastards. What the hell was going on with me?

25:34Mike Minogue:And just then it was all out of tune and out of time. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it was out of time.

25:37Keyzie:Oh, I don't know. I was distracted by something outside.

25:39Mike Minogue:It's like you don't even care about the show anymore, man.

25:45Mike Minogue:Hey, today's theme is Jase got a new haircut. And this song is how he was feeling when he walked out. If you've got any ideas on themes, please text them through 3483. We're running out, man. We've got nothing. No, these are great, man. I went first. This is how I believe Jase was feeling when he walked out with his brand new haircut.

26:05Keyzie:Deuce, deuce, deuce, deuce, deuce, deuce. Deuce, deuce, deuce, deuce, deuce, deuce, deuce, deuce. Coming up, coming down.

26:14Mike Minogue:It's ZZ Top, a song called Tush. It's about a man going out looking for some tush. Yeah. And that's Hoity J all over. I went for a little bit of Pavarotti.

26:41Great, tune June alright Just went for this one again

26:51Keyzie:Oh, strutting out of that hairdresser with my skull candies listening to this tune.

27:03Keyzie:Alright, let's let the people decide, shall we? Luke, you mad bastard, how's life? Yeah, not bad, you sick son of a gun. Son of a gun? Son of a gun, that's a new one. Yeah, nice. Sorry, sorry, sorry. What are you going for there, Luke?

27:18Mike Minogue:I'm going to go with old Keezy, I think.

27:20Keyzie:Okay, good on you, mate. Good on you, Luke. That's the one, brother. What's the next one there, Keezy? Kramer. Kramer, great name. How's life? Yeah, good, your backbones. How's it going? Yeah, good. Pretty good, mate. What are you going for there, Kramer? I think we have to go Danger Man himself, old Hoardy J. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good stuff, man. All right, thanks, Kramer. Is that Logan there, Moggy? Logan from Dunedin. I mean, Keezy?

27:43Mike Minogue:Logan, how you doing? What's going on? What do you reckon? What do you say? I reckon, bloody, the danger man himself. Absolutely. Keezy, the danger man? No, absolutely. Me or Jase? I reckon Jase, actually. Yeah, actually, damn it, he was one of them. Thank you so much, Logan, from Dunedin. Very confusing. Yeah, great stuff. Well done. How does it make you feel, Jase? You've got the death tones on again, man. Well done. Yeah, it's good from you. I'm stoked, man.

28:14Keyzie:And I love the Deftones. So just turn it up loud in your car and enjoy it. Compliments a hoity, cheers, bye.

28:22Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

28:26Keyzie:Deftones here on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Friday afternoon. The time being 17 minutes past 5 o 'clock.

28:35Mike Minogue:Yeah, if you've just joined us, that song you just heard was how Jace felt whilst leaving the barbershop today having got a brand new haircut.

28:41Keyzie:Like a changed man.

28:43Mike Minogue:Yeah, it didn't really sum up the vibe that I was picturing. Well, it's funny because it was changed, but it's sort of also at the same time, it's same old, same old. Yeah. But, hey, Jase got the win. Well done. Thanks, man. Well done, man. Yeah, yeah, so we'll just go to the old scoreboard now. Out in first place with 15 wins for the year, old Mogey. Oh, that's me. Well done, man. Thanks, man.

29:03Keyzie:Great stuff, Mogey.

29:04Mike Minogue:I'm excited for the Mogey Throbber Victory Christmas special. Oh, yes. That'll potentially be happening.

29:10Keyzie:Yeah, what are we doing for the winner?

29:11Mike Minogue:What I just said. Whatever. It'll be a special show with all the Mogey's throbbers on it. On Christmas Day. Yeah, great. Keezy's going to come in and present it because he's come last, you see. Oh, that is brilliant. Don't add new things when we're deep into November.

29:28Keyzie:That is brilliant.

29:30Mike Minogue:Pretty good for you, though, Jase. You've still got a chance to overtake him. You are on 13 with three asterisks for coercing a listener, Pantera's song with a thousand F-bombs, and picking deftones constantly. So that's pretty good. That's not bad.

29:43Keyzie:Jase? I will have you know that I do not pick Deftones consistently. Constantly? Constantly. Very rarely these days. I haven't played at Deftones for a long time.

29:54Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, yeah. How long's a long time? Like two weeks? Well, three or four months. And, of course, you've got Keezy, who's coming last on seven wins with two asterisks for playing Freebird when it wasn't relevant and bullying Mogi. Keezy, what do you think's happened this year for you? Yeah. Yeah, because of course you've come out the back of a victory last year. I had three consecutive victories and then you won. And then you've come out of the gates this year and, geez, it's been shocking.

30:19Keyzie:Well, I mean, I think seriously, in the history of the Big Show, and I may be wrong, I stand to be corrected, that's the lowest score ever. If Chris, and I hope you don't mind me calling you Chris.

30:32Mike Minogue:What, my birth name? No, I don't mind it at all. He might finish and I don't want to talk about you in front of you like you're not here. But, Jase, he might finish in single digits. Unheard of.

30:44Keyzie:I think that's highly likely at this point. And then...

30:48Mike Minogue:I don't think it's a big deal if that happens.

30:49Keyzie:But wait, if we then consider the asterisk situation, he's probably going to lose a point or two as well. Yeah. He could be in the negatives for the year.

31:03Mike Minogue:There's no way I'm going to be in the negatives for the year. I'd have to get five more asterisks. Nah guys You're just being silly You're just being silly That's all this is By the way Speaking of being silly And getting up to no go Oh yes The Breakfast Show boys We accused them Of potentially cheating In that golf game we played And we sent them some audio They chose not to play it This morning Oh what Very suspicious

31:28Keyzie:Very suspicious

31:29Mike Minogue:So we've actually got a mole On the inside And we will be talking To said mole next Said mole Arctic monkeys

31:35Keyzie:Yeah why not

31:37Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

31:41Keyzie:You two there on the Radio Hauraki big show this Friday afternoon. Now, as you'll be aware, we had our last Swingers Club of the Year, fellas, in aid of Movember. Yeah. It was the Big Show Boys versus the Breakfast Boys, plus two winners on each side.

31:57Mike Minogue:That's right. We played Ambrose Golf, and basically by the end of it, whoever won out of the two teams, the opposite show would cover their show once again. However, this time it was the final show of the year. So the losing side has to do the final show of the year, and it ended up being us. We lost. By one shot. By one shot. And now Friday, the 19th of December, we are doing the breakfast show and the drive show. Yeah. I'm gutted about it. Lucky bastards.

32:24Keyzie:Oh, look, I'm gutted about it too, but we were chatting about it yesterday, and what we became aware of, because I said to Keezy just quietly between us, geez, we should have cheated Keezy. You know what I mean? No one would ever have known. Yeah. Keezy was very meticulous in the scoring. Someone had to tee off at one point during the nine holes. That's right.

32:45Mike Minogue:So there were four of us. Each one of us had to have contributed a drive to the nine holes. I wrote down the initials of everyone that contributed that drive. The Breakfast Show did not do that. We have no idea whether they'd stuck to the rules. Right. We recorded some audio yesterday accusing them of cheating. They chose today to not even play it on air or address it at all, which I think is very suspicious. Yes. Because they're very lazy with their content. They would be happy to take any of that. Oh, my God. Yeah, well, you'd think so. Especially big show content.

33:12Keyzie:Can I also point out, Keezy, they didn't sign their card. That's not an official card. So it's invalid. So we signed our card. They did not sign their card. It's not a valid card they presented.

33:22Mike Minogue:Now, fortunately, we have got a mole on the inside. The mole is on the line with us right now. Hey, mole, how you going? Hey, guys, what's up? Hey, hey, this is Zoe, by the way. Oh, no, you don't say her name because she's a mole.

33:34Keyzie:We don't want to find her now. Yeah, but she is the producer of the Big Show.

33:37Mike Minogue:The Breakfast Show. The Breakfast Show.

33:39Keyzie:I'm sure she'd love to be the producer of the Big Show, but old Pugsan, he's pretty protective of that particular role.

33:44Mike Minogue:Zoe, just quick, I mean, Mole, just confirming that Pugsan did in fact send you some audio to play this morning? Yeah, it did, and I even put it in our document for us to have on the show. Right, okay. And then when they saw that in the document, what did Jerry and Minaya have to say about it? Oh, look, they listened to it, and they decided not to play it out. Was there any reason? Do you think it was because we'd uncovered some sort of conspiracy? I doubt it. I asked Manaya, and he said, no one likes to see a loser. We were trying to protect their mana. Oh, okay. I see.

34:19Keyzie:Yeah, that's just...

34:21Mike Minogue:I don't have any mana, man. I don't give a shit. I'm accusing them of cheating.

34:24Keyzie:Yeah, totally. I'm not accusing them of cheating. They did cheat.

34:28Mike Minogue:Yeah, right.

34:28Keyzie:You know what I'm saying?

34:29Mike Minogue:So, Zoe, because we're pretty much prepared to say the whole deal's off because they're cheating. Are you suggesting that maybe they didn't cheat? Oh, they definitely did. I mean, I don't know. I wouldn't be able to press the buttons for you fellas.

34:41Keyzie:You did a great job, Zoe, by the way.

34:43Mike Minogue:Yeah, thanks, team. But I'm pretty sure that we've all already booked flights for Thursday, Arvo.

34:48Keyzie:You're off, are you? Fair enough. Fair enough, too. Oh, you're not going to be there, Zoe.

34:53Mike Minogue:Not even in Mania. I think we've all booked flights for Thursday, Arvo. Yeah, how good. Where are you going? Yeah, I don't know. He just booked some flights. Just get on a plane. Yeah, yeah. Why not? So we've tried to get our mole to get the inside goss and admit that they were cheating. She unfortunately has been no good to us. Thank you, not Zoe, mole. Thank you, mole. All day. Thanks for your time. Hey, all good, guys. Good on you, mate.

35:17Keyzie:All right, see you.

35:18Mike Minogue:Enjoy your flight.

35:18Keyzie:Was it okay that we called Zoe a mole? No, I think it's fine. Is that okay? I'm happy with it. Oh, okay. I'm absolutely happy with it. I just don't know if Zoe would be very happy. I mean, I wouldn't like to be called a mole.

35:30Mike Minogue:Yeah, we'll address that off here, Jase. Don't worry about it. Sure. But I do have another update on this particular situation, by the way, which we'll discuss next. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

35:42Keyzie:Nirvana there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this beautiful Friday afternoon. Hope you're having a good one wherever you are in this great country of ours.

35:52Mike Minogue:Good stuff, Jase.

35:54Keyzie:Thanks, man.

35:54Mike Minogue:Hey, so Wednesday we played a game of golf against the breakfast show. We lost, and as a result, we are now covering their final show of the year, the 19th. It's a Friday of December, and we'll be doing brekkie and then drive. Yeah.

36:08Keyzie:Oh, is it the 19th?

36:10Mike Minogue:Yeah. Well, just on this, fellas, and hear me out. Hear me out, right?

36:19Mike Minogue:I've got one day of annual leave left. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I have one day of annual leave left. I didn't realise until last night. I was just going through my things. And my wife really keen for us to fly down to Christchurch on the Thursday night there on the 18th. Like, and it's not that I want to get out of doing the double show because you know I love doing breakfast radio. Well, look, I'll just interrupt you there, Keezy. I'm doing a double shift on the final day of the year as a result of you and Jase losing a game of golf that I had absolutely nothing to do with.

36:58And now you're saying that there's a potential that you're going to use your last day of leave on that day, leaving just Jase and I. And Pugs. And Pugs. Pugs will be there. To do both those shows on that day. And let me just tell you this. I have got a whole new level of respect for you. Oh, really? That is a massive piece of shit move. Yeah. And I think you should absolutely do it.

37:24Mike Minogue:Oh, thanks, Moggy. Awesome, man. Just to put my two... That is good stuff from Keyes. I didn't know you had it in you, man. That is real dirtbag. Yeah, because I'm just sick of being a good guy. Yeah. I'm always a good guy. Oh, Keyes, he's such a great guy. It's like, no. You've got the joker, mate. When you're playing cards and you're whipping out the joker, it's like, I don't care if I have to do both because I'm not doing either. 100%. Yeah, yeah. You've stitched us up a bit, and now it makes me think maybe you actually threw the game just to screw on Lordy J and Mogi. Oh, shit on that, Mogi.

37:52Keyzie:On that, just to chip in my two cents, if I might. And you're quite right to be angry about the fact that, you know, we lost the match and you have to suffer the consequences of that. I'd be filthy. I just want to put it out there that when you say we lost the match, I think it would be more specific and this is what's really getting deep inside my goat is that the reality is Kesey lost us that match. I didn't want to say it out loud but I'm saying it out loud because he's made such a dirtbag move and it has nothing to do with my own leave situation.

38:31Mike Minogue:Because how many days have you got left? Oh, you've used three more than you've actually got. Oh, that's right. You're getting your pay doc, aren't you?

38:39Mike Minogue:Look, Jase, I didn't want this to descend into, I don't want this to blow the team apart.

38:45Keyzie:Well, I don't want to be pointing fingers, but in this situation I feel I must. You do what you want to do, Keezy. Mogi and I and Pugsun, we'll take it on the chin, mate. Pugsun's a backbone. He's a filthy bastard.

38:59Mike Minogue:Well, the interesting thing is when I was looking at the leave allocations, Mogi, you've actually got one day left. Have I? So, I mean, I don't know whether you – I don't know what you're planning to do with it, but – Wow. Friday the 19th could be a good move. Extend your holiday. Kezi, I think I'll give you the Thursday off as well. Oh, yeah. Oh, sweet. Thanks, Moggy. Fire out. Looks like it's old Spoon Boy and the Jews. That is not a real name. Nobody knows what that means. No one knows what that means. here's Joy Division The Hauraki Big Show weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki

39:42Keyzie:Hero Smith there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Friday afternoon

39:46Mike Minogue:Hey fellas, the Swingers Club wrapped up on Wednesday, the next one though is actually happening at Chasing the Fox if you would like to join us in the Heineken Silva Clubhouse where we will be broadcasting our show live this is Friday December 12th it's right by the final hole of Chasing the Fox amongst all the action, we've got space for a couple of backbones to join the Hodaki crew for this event. We are targeting this event. We are treating it as our office Christmas party. It is going to be massive. Drinks and stuff are included. Of course, it is R18. If you are keen, head to hodaki.co.nz.

40:18Mike Minogue:It'll be you and a mate.

40:20Keyzie:Great stuff. Now, listen.

40:21Mike Minogue:Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. She's Tahineken Silver World Class Low Carb Lager. Yeah, great stuff. Yeah, now you can go.

40:26Keyzie:Now, listen, coming up after six, the sexy chat continues with old Mogi. I am chomping at the bit to find out what that's about. It's been one of our sexiest shows, hasn't it? It's been very sexy, this show, and there's nothing wrong with that on a Friday, fellas.

40:43Mike Minogue:Have you got anything sexy you'd like to contribute, Jase?

40:45Keyzie:I do have something sexy in that vein. Nice.

40:48Mike Minogue:What vein?

40:49Keyzie:Yeah, what vein? The main. The main vein. Gross.

40:57Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

41:03Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Friday afternoon is going off. You're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Reburgier.

41:10Mike Minogue:Serving good times and good food. Dine-in or takeaway Reburgier today.

41:24Mike Minogue:What the heck? I was dreaming about Reburgier. Oh, my God. It was so crave-worthy. but it was gourmet and it was street food. Yum!

41:38Keyzie:Fellas, just a reminder on that front, re-re-burger. Re-re. If you could fire me through your account so I can put that money in. You haven't done that yet because we made a bet that I would. I sent mine through.

41:52Mike Minogue:Oh, where did you send it? To your number. I also emailed you. Oh, okay.

41:56Keyzie:It's in the chat too.

41:57Mike Minogue:It's in the group chat.

41:58Keyzie:Okay, sweet. I'll sort that tonight, okay?

42:00Mike Minogue:Just get 50 bucks out, man.

42:02Keyzie:No one does that anymore. How about this? No one deals in cash anymore, do we, fellas? It's all digital. What about this, Jase?

42:08Mike Minogue:Next time we go play golf somewhere, you just shout the round for me. That's mine taken care of.

42:15Keyzie:I'll sort you out tonight, fellas. What was it, 50 each, was it? Thanks, mate. And you've sent through the account details. You know what? Honestly, for my 50, if you could just stop saying that you're going to pay me 50, that's my 50. That's my 50 bucks. Okay, no, that's fair enough. I'll have his. But I'll hold on to your number, your account number, just in case. Oh, yeah, sure. You know, who knows what might happen. In case you know I'm not doing that re-golf.

42:40Mike Minogue:Re-golf? Imagine that re-burger while playing golf.

42:43Keyzie:Yeah, that'd be pretty good. Metallica? Yeah, I think so.

42:46Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Red Heart.

42:56Keyzie:Chilly peppers.

42:57Mike Minogue:On the Hauraki Big Show. Mogi? Dot com. Hey fellas, obviously it's already been a sexy show already. Jase, you've got your sexy haircut. Yes. Keezy with your sexy massage, couples massage. Oh yeah, man. Pretty hot. Can you take some vids over that? I'd like to talk to you about my undies, my undergarments. Yeah, man. Yesterday I went out and about, oot and a boot as I call it, and I was very busy. I was all over town and I had meetings and I went to the gym and all sorts of things. And when I got home last night and peeled my underpants off. That's disgusting. Yeah. Just peeled them off. You know you can run your hands down and sort of roll up into a tight little tube there.

43:45Well, I did that. And it was at that point that I realised that I'd had my underpants on backwards the entire day. Wow. The entire day now. Yes. And not noticed at any point.

43:58Mike Minogue:because men's undies are a thing that quite often they're the same front and back roughly. Are they? Like there's a little pouch. It depends what kind are you running. Well, I vary. I've got the briefs obviously, which has got the big part for my massive ass and then the smaller sort of cupping, more secure front. Yesterday I was wearing the ones that have sort of got the, they're sort of the same as that, but they've got a little bit longer leg, you know. Yeah, right, like a jockey style, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it felt, I was coming for years, and I'm wondering if as you get older, and Jase, you know, you'd be able to help me just from other people, does your downstairs operation, does it shrivel and die?

44:38Keyzie:God, I wish.

44:42Keyzie:I, um. What is it, Elon Gate? I don't mean to, because I don't want to say what a massive downstairs or anything.

44:53Mike Minogue:Why not? You always usually do.

44:57Keyzie:it's just that re-undies, I have to get some specially made.

45:05Mike Minogue:Who makes them? Yeah, who does make those special undies?

45:09Keyzie:There's a little tailor in Glen Eden. Oh, yeah. And I get what they call a coconut cup. Right. Put in the front there.

45:23Keyzie:What does that do? Well, just so things are comfortable. Oh, right. Just so I can lump it all in there. Right. And it just sort of nestles in. It's like a bird nest. Right. It's full of twigs and bottle caps and shit. Well, no, it's more the cup, yeah, and then your bullos and your...

45:46Mike Minogue:No, we get it. So why is it called a coconut cup?

45:49Keyzie:Well, it's about the size of a coconut. Oh, right. If you halved a coconut, it's that. and that's a little bit bigger than you'd normally get in a normal pair of undies.

45:57Mike Minogue:So what you're saying is it wouldn't work for you because you get the specially made ones. Yeah. So, but anyway, hot. Yeah, well, I don't know. I just thought it was interesting because I've worn, normally when you put on your undies backwards, you immediately notice.

46:15Keyzie:Yes, you would. Especially if you're wearing a thong. Yeah, well, that's true. Yeah, God, I've done that before.

46:22Mike Minogue:Have you ever worn a thong, Jase?

46:25Keyzie:I did once Go on The only time I've ever worn a thong, and this is true, was in a lovemaking scene I had

46:35Mike Minogue:Right Did they have to get it specially made? They did It's because you've got a filthy backdoor, eh? The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki Do you guys like Linkin Park? I actually do. I saw Linkin Park live. Live, I saw them. I don't like them. Do you not? Yeah, no, I do. They're pretty good. They're very, very good. Although somebody right beside us projectile vomited all over the floor and created probably about an eight-meter radius where just nobody went for the rest of the show. Yeah. Imagine how much room you can create. By vomiting. With a bit of puke.

47:13Keyzie:I tell you what, it's not a concert unless someone does a projectile vomit, in my view. That's true. Hey, should we have another Farmyard Yarn, fellas?

47:23Mike Minogue:Are we just clapping along? It's got a real rhythm to it, this. It certainly does. It's time for the PGG Rights and Big Show, Big Yarn, to celebrate the hardworking farms that keep this country going. And because it's Friday, we decided to double up and give away two PGG Rights and prize packs and two lots of$100 cash. Joining us for their Big Yarn now, Ethan, you mad bastard, how's life? Oh, g'day, you mad bastard. How are you? Yeah, good as gold, mate. What do you do for a crust, Ethan? I am a cherry farmer. Oh! Keezy is absolutely frothing. Don't tell me you've featured on an episode of Country Calendar, mate.

48:02Mike Minogue:Oh, no, that's shocking. I'm not featuring on any Country Calendar, Keezy. No.

48:07Keyzie:I'll tell you what, actually. I watched, there's a cherry juice, which a lot of people are talking about, which is good for the system, apparently. What a load of bollocks.

48:16Mike Minogue:Yeah, it cleans you right out, mate.

48:18Keyzie:Yeah, you see? You see? Oh, that's fantastic.

48:20Mike Minogue:Ethan, just a quick question, mate. Are you in the, like, sort of Nelson area? No, I'm in Wanaka. Oh, Wanaka. How good.

48:29Keyzie:Yeah, right. So, are cheeries coming into season now, Ethan?

48:34Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah. We're about two weeks away from starting picking. Jeez, I hope you don't get a shock and frost or something like that. Real late one, you know? Yeah, that would be terrible.

48:43Keyzie:Hey, Ethan, any chance you can send us up a couple of boxes of the old cherries there, mate?

48:50Mike Minogue:Oh, I might be able to sneak some. Oh, yeah, boy. Well, that would be amazing because usually we have the Hawke's Bay ones, which are bloody good as well. Yeah, they have shocking bars. That's right. I've never had a Wanaka one, so I'd love to. Oh, well, I might be able to sort something out for you. Oh, yeah, good on you, mate. Guys, we've got to stop using the radio show as an excuse to get free stuff. Look, I'm sorry, Ethan. We've run out of time, man. No, Ethan, of course, you are calling up for the Big Show Big Yarn, mate. Tell us your farm yarn. Yeah, so this was back when I wasn't cherry farming.

49:23Mike Minogue:I was actually in the outback of Australia. You might know a little bit about this there, Jase. Yeah, sure, mate.

49:28Keyzie:She's bloody hot.

49:30Mike Minogue:I was calling up a tractor with a dodgy old diesel truck, and the pump clicked out, and there was a bit too much pressure, and the pump pretty much blew up, started pissing diesel up into the air. Wow. It all landed back down on the motor. The motor burst into flames. So I grabbed a fire extinguisher out of the truck. It was the wrong type of fire extinguisher. Just tried to put it out. Just made the flames ten times bigger. So I backed up the track there was besides and then realised the truck was by a heap of dry bales. So I jumped in the truck while I was on fire, drove it out into the middle of the paddock, realised how dodgy the truck was in the middle of the paddock because I forgot she had no bloody brakes there, Jay.

50:10Mike Minogue:Oh, my God. Jumped out of the bloody truck while it was moving, did a bit of a dive roll and watched in all its glory and flames roll into the middle of the paddock, and that was all she wrote. Holy cow. My God, that's a hell of a yarn there. That is a great yarn. She was bloody intense. Had a few beers that night. Did they fire you after that one, man? What's that? Did they fire you? Oh, yeah, no, I was gone the next day. Good on you, Ethan. Thank you so much for your big yarn, mate. We'll send you out a prize pack and some cash, yeah? Cheers, Tony. G'day. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

50:57Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's a big show done and dusted for your Friday and indeed for the week. In the podcast outro today, if I'm correct, we've had a lot of filth today. And in the podcast outro, we had to put a disclaimer on. There was so much filth. I don't know if there's been filth in the show. It's been sexy, though. It's been sexy. The show was sexy. The podcast was filth.

51:20Mike Minogue:Yeah, well, the thing about the big show is everyone knows that we toe the line between sexy and filth, but we nail it. Sure. Even me saying nail it could have potentially gone filthy, but we didn't. Here's a clip of today's outro. It's about Jase's appetite.

51:36Keyzie:I do struggle to eat a whole burger. It's true. Well, a whole re-burger just because they're so massive.

51:42Mike Minogue:And do you feel like a bit of a baby? Do you not know that your masculinity is directly tied to how much you can eat? How much I can eat? Yeah, well, probably. It's funny because when I was... Because if it was a**, then you'd be the manliest man in the world.

51:54Keyzie:If it was a**, yeah, for sure. I don't know. I just don't have a big appetite. I don't know why it is. Unless it's a**. Unless it's a**. And then I have a huge... Mate, I love me some... Come on.

52:10Mike Minogue:That is a shocker, man. Come on, pugs. You can't have that as the podcast clip, man. That's terrible. That's shocking from you, Jase. God. Check it out. That comes out at 7.30. Mogi, what are you up to today? I've got a date for the whole weekend. Oh, the whole weekend? Well, tonight. Okay, let's start with tonight there. I've got a date with my missus there. Yeah, lovely. I've got some mates coming up from Levin. Yes. Tomorrow they're coming up for Rufus Del Sol, I think they're called. I can't remember the name of the band specifically. DeSol. DeSol. De La Sol. Very good. They're very good. Yes.

52:42I'll say coming up for that gig. I'm not going on. And then, I don't know. I was hoping for some cricket, but thankfully that starts on Tuesday. Oh, thank God for that.

52:51Keyzie:I can't wait. Now, Keezy, I already know what you're having for dinner. Let me just say I'm disappointed.

52:58Mike Minogue:I'm going for a walk with my wife, and we're having leftover frozen Thai green curry that her mum made. That's so good, because that's exactly the sort of thing that would have got thrown straight in the bin at my joint. Yeah, same.

53:08Keyzie:100%, man. Hey, and I know you've got Kiwi Pong tomorrow. You're going to take it easy, eh? And then you've got your massage on Sunday. You sure are a busy Sunday.

53:15Mike Minogue:I'm a busy SOB.

53:17Keyzie:How do you feel about getting a massage with a massive hangover?

53:21Mike Minogue:To be honest, I had it in Bali, and it was excellent.

53:24Keyzie:Right.

53:25Mike Minogue:I just felt like a terrible human, and they rubbed the evil out of me. Yeah, good. Yeah, nice. So I'm excited. Yeah, Jase, what are you doing this weekend, man?

53:32Keyzie:What am I doing this weekend? That's a really good question. bits and pieces. My youngest daughter just got her practical today. She passed her practical driving test, so she's got a licence. So I'm imagining she's going to pester me all weekend for the car and I'm just going to stress out about it.

53:49Mike Minogue:Oh, that sounds fun, man.

53:50Keyzie:Yeah, and a bit of gardening.

53:52Mike Minogue:See you Monday.