FULL SHOW: Romantic Getaway

16:36Yes. Fellas, last night I watched a documentary on Netflix called Lamar Odom. What's that about? The death and life, I think it was called, of Lamar Odom. Untold, it might be one of the Untold documentaries. Anyway, he's a basketball player that played for the Lakers and he eventually married one of the Kardashians there. Courtney, I think. Yeah. She was about 24 at the time. They were married for seven years. Everybody said it would never last. And it didn't help that old Lamar was smoking heaps of crack. Heaps of that there crack. While he was in the NBA? Yes, while he was in the NBA. And it got worse after he got traded away from the Lakers.

17:18Him and Kobe were great mates. He got traded away from the Lakers and then just went hell for leather. He was cheating. He had that cheating ways. He had a wandering eye case. He's like, you. Shocking bastard. I don't think I've got a wandering eye. Anyway, he was severely into the drugs and the cheating. Because, yeah, stuff about finding him in strip clubs and stuff, I remember. Well, ultimately what happened is he OD'd quite a lot. Yeah. And his wife was going around and cleaning up. He'd sort of get called into various hotel rooms and would have to go in there and clean up all of his drug paraphernalia so it didn't get discovered by the press and then he'd get fired.

17:58enabling activity, but she didn't realise. She thought it was an act of love. Yeah, right. And she didn't want to lose all his millions. Well, she was going pretty good. Yeah. But anyway, they had an intervention, and her advisor said, you've got to have an intervention here, and tell him if he's not going to sort out his ways, you're going to divorce him. And so she said that, and he said, sweet, all I need is my passport. Where are the divorce papers? Sign the divorce papers, and then went on a massive drug run and were OD'd in a brothel in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of Nevada desert.

18:34Was put into a coma, was in a hospital, had something like 10 strokes and four heart attacks in the space of the week. Wow, geez. Super, super full on. Now, because of the backlog in the courts, his divorce hadn't gone through, so his missus, his ex-wife, soon to be, she took over everything and she stopped the divorce and she nursed, She stayed with him every single day for about six months. He couldn't talk. He couldn't walk. She was there. It actually paints her in a really good light. Yeah, absolutely. A strong woman who did something that most people would not do, you know, cleaning up after him, and he's wearing nappies and all sorts.

19:11And then ultimately, she came into the house one day after he got out of hospital, and he was still nonverbal, you know. He couldn't really speak or anything. Well, it turned out that he'd just been pretending he was nonverbal. He was on the phone. He was calling up some of that crack there. back on the crack, straight out of that hospital after being taken six months to learn how to walk. After she had nursed him. After she had nursed him. So that was the final straw. Anyway, it's mildly interesting. The story is really good. The documentary isn't. Yes. Do you know what I mean? It's too long.

19:40It's a shame because it's a really interesting story. And he's a hell of an athlete, and he had some really terrible things happen when he was younger and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, and he's still not 100 % now. I was looking up, it's like, oh, it'd be great if he's sort of off it now, but he's sort of... Sorry, isn't he dead? Oh, no. No, no, no. Isn't he? No, he's still going. He's still going. Addiction, mate. He went to rehab again this year and that's why, Keezy, you've got to be careful, man. I'm worried about you with these pizzas. Sorry. Lamar Odom's crack addiction and me eating pizza every now and then is very different things.

20:11The dumplings, the pizza. If it's not one, it's the other, Keezy. I'm going to wake up in a pizza joint in the middle of Nevada wearing nappies.

20:20Keyzie:Fellas, I'm carrying on with the loan. Yes, good. Where 10 people dropped. How's Shea? Shea's doing good. I reckon Shea's got a good chance of winning it. 10 people dropped in the middle of Tasmania in the bush. They have to survive as long as they can. We're up to day sort of 37, 38. There's only four people left. Tom, who's only got one hand. Muzz, who's 63 and he's a bushman. Is he an Aussie bushman? He's an Aussie bushman. There's a Scottish woman. I've forgotten her name. but she is beasting it. And there's Shea, the Kiwi possum hunter. Yeah, right. Everyone now, the last four, are getting massively afflicted with physical ailments because they are so malnourished and have lost so much weight.

21:06Keyzie:And Shea gets hit by something that he was never expecting in a million years. A football. Oh, a truck. No. A train. Constipation. Oh. He hasn't taken a dump in like two weeks. And that's freaking him out. He's the most laid-back, brilliant character. And he's like, God, jeez, I tell you what, it's been two weeks since I've had a dump, though, and I'm getting a bit worried about it. Jase, this show sounds awesome. It is actually a really good show, you know, because when they catch a fish or an eel or a wallaby or go poos, you go, yeah, man, yeah, man. How many buzzies out of five? It's a good, in terms of an easy watch, a good three and a half buzzies.

21:46Keyzie:That's what you want from a reality show, isn't it? Yeah, totally. Last night I watched Location, Location, Location, but my wife fell asleep just as they were about to decide which house they wanted. Damn it. So I'll fill you in on Tuesday. Please do. Hey, coming up after the break, the Thursday throbber.

22:08The Hodaki Beat Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.

22:18Keyzie:It's the Horehi Big Show's Friday Throbber. Doosh, doosh. Keezy just stares at me now when that happens. I can see him out of the corner of my eye waiting for me to slip up. No, no, no. I'm just staring at you because you always open the breaks. You know what I mean? With your chat. It's Thursday, by the way, but it's the last day of the week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we thought we'd throb at it anyway. Totally, man. If you don't know what the Friday Throbber is, we all select a song to kick off your Easter break. Then you give us a call on 0800 Hauraki and decide what song you want to hear the most.

22:55Keyzie:First of two wins, eh, fellas? Yeah, that's right. Jase, I think it's your turn to go first. Sure, man. What's your throbber? It's a bit of Velvet Revolver.

23:07She's the one with lips like candy, candy Like a dog and I'm a-coming run

23:19Keyzie:What's the name of that song? Let It Roll by Velvet Revolver Tune. What the one, eh? I've never heard that song before. It's a good song. It's a good song. It's actually a tune, man. Thank you. I'll go next. I've gone for Aussie punk rockers The Chats, and this song is about the price of smokes these days. The price of smokes are going up again. I could already barely contain my head now. The price of smokes are going up again.

23:52It's literally just four minutes of them talking about the price of smokes going up.

23:56Keyzie:You're on a bit of a punk rock theme at the moment, aren't you, Keezy? Aussie punk shiters. Yeah, because I went through Amel and the Sniffers last week, and they're brilliant, and then just started going down a deep dive of more punk stuff. Get into a bit of Cosmic Psychos out of Australia. You all right there, man? Yeah, OK, I'll check them out. Give them a go, man. What do you have there, Mogus? I've gone with Corn Blind.

24:20Keyzie:Corn

24:24Are you ready?

24:33A lot of rage in that song That is throb Yeah man That is a throbber

24:38Keyzie:I tell you what You decide New Zealand Give us a call right now On 0800 HODAK And we'll go from there In the meantime It is Smashing Pumpkins The Hodaaki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaaki. It's the Hodaaki Big Show. Thursday. Forever. Douche, douche. Oh, Kesey. What? You missed it. What are you talking about? I yelled it with you guys. I went douche, douche. We'll go and check the tapes later on. He didn't. Yes, we all pick a tune. and you give us a call on 0800-HODA. Okay, see the phone lines are pretty full there. Fellas, I went for a bit of Velvet Revolver.

25:20He's really hustling through this one.

25:27Keyzie:She's got lips like candy.

25:36Keyzie:Candy, candy. Does that mean they're sweet? Yes, I think so, Mogey. Keezy went for a bit of punk rock. I did go for punk rock. the chats out of Aussie with a song called The Price of Smokes. The Price of Smokes are going up again. I could already barely contain my head now. The Price of Smokes are going up again.

25:58The voice of an angel, that guy. Yeah. And Mogi went for it. What was it? Bit of corn. Yeah, bit of corn. Doge, doge, doge, doge.

26:12Are you ready? Are you ready, Jase?

26:18Keyzie:I've got a feeling about this one. All right, let's go to the phone lines. G'day, Paul, you mad bastard. How's life? G'day, fellas. Not bad, not bad. Good on you, mate. What are you running with there, Paul? Oh, it's got to be your mo, yeah. Yes. It's a tune. Yeah, yeah. It is a tune. Nice. Good on you, Paul. Good stuff, brother. Good stuff, mate. G'day, Jimmy, you mad bastard. How's life? It's good, brother. How's yourself? Oh, yeah. You can't complain. Jimmy, what are you going with there? I'm going with you, mate. Oh, okay. I'm a revolver. Yeah, nice. Nice. Yeah, good on you, Jimmy. G'day, Harry, you mad bastard.

26:56Keyzie:How's life? Yeah, pretty good, Hoody J. How are you, mate? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. What are you running with there, Harry? Well, I'm disappointed in Moggy's promise of you're the voice by John's final last week. but I think he's made up for it with a bit of corn, so I'm going to go old Mogey. Good on you, brother. Oh, Mogey, yes. I felt very strongly you were going to get that one, Mogey. It's a bit of a tune, isn't it? Yeah, it's a bit of a rocking tune. All right, play it out. Here we go, man. 3483, what do you think of this week's Friday Throbber winner? It is corn with blind. Should we have a dance, guys?

27:27Keyzie:Yeah, man, I'm into it. Yeah, OK, let's go. Bit of headbanging? Deuce, deuce. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Holaki. Well, there you go. You're Thursday, Throbber Blind by Korn there. Like the start of the song. And the end. And the ending. The rest was hideous. I really hated that song. Yeah, sure. It was shithouse. Yeah. Do you like the song, Smoky? I love the opening and I love the ending of it. Yeah, but the start of it is, yeah, that's right. I know it hurts you guys. Oh, no, it's good. It's good. So I feel duped, though. I feel duped. The start of it there sort of lulls you in.

28:10There's a Queens of the Stone Age song that's like that as well, actually, where it's got this incredible drum intro. Yeah. And then it sort of falls off a cliff. But there you go, man. Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Totally, man, totally. Just going to have a look at the old scoreboard over here, fellas, if I may. Out in front for 2026, Mogey on five wins.

28:30Keyzie:Yeah, nice. Keezy's in second on four and Jase way behind on three wins. Yeah, man. Do you reckon you can bring it back in time for Christmas? My score? Yeah. Look, I tell you what, Keezy, the one thing you know about old hoity J is I'll keep throwing punches, mate. Don't you worry about that. I mean, I may get smacked in the head every Friday, but I'll get off that canvas, mate, and I'll stand tall and proud and fire another. I don't know about tall. I'll fire another banger off. Don't you worry about that. I'm a tough little bugger, mate. You won't know this about me, but beneath this sort of fine aesthetic look is a warrior.

29:09Yeah.

29:10Keyzie:Yeah, right. You got a vote, though, man. That was good. Yeah, I got a vote. How many did you get in that one, Keezy? None. Oh. Do you think now that you're going to sort of change direction on the sort of punk sort of vibe you're running with? People aren't connecting with it, are they? Oh, Keezy's chosen two punk songs in a row He's lost his way Nah, fair enough, I'm back next week What do you reckon? Bit of Smash Mouth next week, man To be honest, that's not a bad shout It is nice to walk a mile in your clown shoes anyway Every now and then, Jason Just to see what it's like to get no votes, alright Here's a palate cleanser, by the way After Korn, bit of Sublime The Hauraki Big Show Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki.

29:55Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Cake there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show. This glorious Thursday afternoon. The time is 5.25, which means it's time for this. 5, 6, 7, 8. Man, man, man, man, man, man, man. Man, man, man, man, man, man. Man, man, man, man, man. Ooh. Ooh. One and a half moggies. Which is Tales from Mogie's Life with little Mogie. Little Mogie Minogi there. Yeah, she's six and a half. She had her swimming sports there. I miss swimming sports. Yesterday, yeah. Do you? Yeah, it was a day of not doing any schoolwork. That's true, actually. Yeah, no, I had that going for it. Good call, Keezy, good call.

30:45And, you know, we sort of tell some yarns, don't we? But yesterday, my daughter, she's been going to swimming lessons since she was, I don't know, probably 12 months. Also known as a year, Keezy. Old. So she's a pretty good little swimmer. She won a race yesterday, which I was immensely proud of. Brilliant. She absolutely dominated the pack. The rest of them look like, if I can say this, idiots. I don't know if you can call a group of six-year-olds idiots. Six and a half. Oh, okay, I missed that. That's all good then. But she didn't care. She didn't really care that she'd won that. Then they did this thing afterwards where everybody got in the pool and then they sang along to the song that played over the stereo and then they all did silly, like a dance with actions and things on it and she was absolutely loving that.

31:31So I had to sort of take her aside afterwards and say, that stuff there that you really enjoyed, that's bullshit. That winning that meant nothing to you, that's everything. Yeah, right. Absolutely everything. Because you wanted to be like hyper competitive, do you? I do, yeah. Yeah, I do. And it kind of reminded me of when I was at Swimming Sports. I was a bit older. I was 12. We were at primary school. and it was just me and old mate Toby. At 12? At 12, yeah. Well, sorry, our school went up to intermediate. Oh, yeah. Before you went into college. Yeah, sorry, fellas. Okay. And we were the only ones in it for some reason.

32:06I don't know, me and my mate Toby there. Yeah. And we were doing wids at the college. It was at the college pool, so it was about 100 metres. Wids? Yeah, the wids were 100 metres. The pools in Levin are massive. Wids are 100 metres, and they're a kilometre long. Huge, bloody huge Are you sure it wasn't a river? So we jumped in there And the whole competition was There was a breath stroke, back stroke Freestyle and then it finished off with a medley We had to dive in Obviously I dived into the pool And my shorts fell down around my ankles Classic Because my mum had brought the wrong shorts She brought the shorts, my red shorts It didn't have the drawstring, I couldn't tie them up So I was dominating Toby but I'd have to keep reaching down and pulling my pants up, you see, especially when I was doing my backstroke because my downstairs there was – It was in the air.

32:57It was in the air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody was loving it. You were dominating Toby with your pants around your ankles.

33:04Keyzie:See, like when you were doing backstroke, it was like you had like two fins in the water. It was like a daddy shark and a little baby shark. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Did you win then? That's right. Well, no, I had to send mum home to go and get my proper shorts. So Toby beat me in the first two, and then mum got back just in time, and I managed to win the backstroke, because Toby was distracted, you see, by my baby shark.

33:36And then I managed to win the medley, so that was good. But Toby always holds over it that he's a better swimmer than me, but he was cheating, because he had pants that didn't fall around his ankles. Yeah, yeah. Should we tee up some sort of rematch to really bury the hatchet? That's a good idea, actually. I'd be keen for that. Where is Toby? Now, Toby is also the same guy that complained midway through our tennis final at Intermediate there, and he got the umpire changed, which completely swung the match in his favour. I was up 5-3, ended up taking it out 7-5. Wow, so you've got a genuine rivalry with this guy.

34:09I do. Also, we went out with the same girl. He went out with her four times. I went out with her three times. Right, so it's 4-3. And then just to make me look like an idiot, he'd take us roller skating all the times. He knows I can't roller skate. Far out. There's some real, like, you know, simmering tension. So I need to go out with Tammy another couple of times to get in front of him. Tammy. Yeah. That'll show him. Then you can dominate him again. It's good stuff. Well, that's great about Mogi Minogi, though. Yeah, it is. It was a very proud moment. But it is interesting how they don't care.

34:41I'm really worried about that. We might take it along to a child psychologist. Yeah, good idea, man. I'm sure to care lots, yeah, yeah. Hey, coming up shortly on The Big Show, by the way, your chance to get in the draw to join us in Magic Round. You're joking. So keep an ear out for the queue to call and get ready to call 0800 HODAKI. The HODAKI Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio HODAKI.

35:02Keyzie:Welcome back, The Big Show. Magic Round 3B. Let's put another mad bastard on the bed. Bloody oats, let's do that, eh, fellas. What is the Magic Round, Keezy? Do you not know? No. Oh, it's three amazing nights in Brisbane, Suncorp Stadium, eight games of NRL. When you're not at the Rugby League, we're at Caxton Street, which is an amazing street right by Suncorp Stadium, full of pubs. Thousands of footy fans, they block the whole street off. Each pub is sort of representing a different team, and all the supporters are there. Yeah. The Waz are at the Lord Alfred, I believe, on the corner. Like, how many?

35:39Like 1 ,000 Waz fans in there? A million.

35:41Keyzie:It's packed to the rafters. I don't know about a million. They weren't up to the rafters. They were up to the rafters. Everyone was on the rafters. Totally, man. Wow, you guys are exaggerating a bit now. No one's going to believe us. But it rules. It does rule. BoysTrip.co.nz if you are keen to join. Otherwise, get yourself in the draw. G'day, Connor, you mad bastard. How's life? Good, fellas. Yourself? Yeah, good, thanks. Tell me, how fired up are you for the Easter break there, Connor? I am. I won't swear, but I am very fired up. Yeah, mate. Good on you, mate. Do you like Easter eggs, Connor?

36:14I love Easter eggs. Yeah. Love them.

36:17Keyzie:Have you planned if you're going to have a few beersies, you know, to pre-purchase before, you know, when they shut you down? Hey, I'm way ahead of you then. Yeah, yeah. I was way ahead of you then. Moderately, of course. Moderately and sensibly. Yeah, responsibly is the word. Yes. Connor, do you like rugby league? I love rugby league. Yeah, good on you, mate. I love it. Just checking here because that's kind of a prerequisite, you know. Are you a piece of shit, Connor? You could call me that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a bigger prerequisite than liking rugby league. That's what we need. Hold the line there for a sec.

36:51Keyzie:Connor, how are you feeling about Connor? Yeah, I think he sounds good. He sounds like a scumbag, yeah. He sounds terrible. He sounds horrible. Good on you, Connor. You're in the draw, mate. Enjoy. Cheers, Alan. Enjoy the draw. Tell me, Jase, how's life? How's it going, you mad bastards? Yeah, thanks, mate. Tell me, Jase, what do you do for a crust? In construction, man. Pardon, what? In construction. Oh, yeah. Backbone. You love your rugby league, don't you, Jase? I love a bit of rugby league. Who would you take with you if you won, man? Oh, yeah, I don't know. Probably the bro, Paul. Oh, Paul, he's a shocker.

37:31He is a shocker. He's a POS. Is he allowed to travel, man, old Paul? Yeah, I don't know. I haven't checked lately. He might have his passport back. Yeah, because he wasn't allowed to leave the country for a while there, old Paul. He's a shocker. We'll chuck you in the draw, Jase. All right, good luck. You're out. Thanks, guys.

37:48Keyzie:Good on you, mate. G'day, Tom, you mad bastard. How's life? Good, thanks. Good. Great. Yeah, good on you, Tom. What do you do for a crust, your backbone? Oh, we can help you, Victor. Oh, yeah, backbone. That's a backbone. You don't get paid too much, eh? Who's your favourite Bronco, Tom? I don't have a favourite Bronco. I don't have a favourite Bronco. Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's yours, Jase? Pardon? Yeah. Who's your favourite Bronco? Jase? Langer? Alfie Langer. Yeah. Yeah, no, he's in his final season. He's still going strong, though. He's good. No, he's not. He's well gone. But in terms of my overall favourite.

38:24Keyzie:All time. All time. Definitely Alfie. Yeah, good on you, mate. Alfie on a shelfie. Yeah. Yeah, that's his name. Hey, Tom, if you win this prize, who are you going to bring with you? I've got an old boys golf trip coming up, and so I'll put it out to whoever wins that. Out to tender. Nice. Yeah, I like it, Tom. Bit of a prize for them. Yeah, good. Yeah, good. That's hot, man. He's trying to make money out of the whole deal, so he's a piece of shit. Well, he's not making money. He's putting... No, no. He'll be gifted to them. Oh, gifted. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's just like a prize. If you win, then he gets to come.

38:53Keyzie:Do you think he's trying to buy friends there or something? Yeah, I think so. Maybe, but it's fine. It's just what Tom does. Good on you, Tom. You're in the drawer as well, mate. Good luck. Thank you. Good on you, man. You hold the line there, Tom. Once again, hoistrip.co.nz. If you want to guarantee your spot, Just go there and book it for you and your mates. Otherwise, keep an ear out and get ready to call 0800 HODAKI. In the meantime, here's a bit of audio slave for you mad bastards. The HODAKI Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio HODAKI. Yes, indeed, the queens of the Stone Age there on the Radio HODAKI Big Show this glorious Thursday evening.

39:29Keyzie:The time is 5.52. Hey, fellas, I've got to make a quick apology to a member of the Big Show. That'll be your first. now this member of the big show has done this particular thing several times and I've given him a lot of stick for it I've made jokes about him potentially not really loving his wife because of it and unfortunately the same thing has now happened to me it's my wife's birthday on Saturday I ordered her a present two weeks ago just got a text saying it's going to arrive next week. So for her birthday this weekend, we're going away at a lovely romantic getaway, and I will be giving her nothing.

40:17You're not going to give her anything?

40:21Nothing wrapped up in wrapping paper. You've got to wrap it up. Well, we don't have to wrap it up. I mean, I'll check if we've got any.

40:30Keyzie:Got any ribbon? Yeah, I've got ribbon. I could put a ribbon on it. Yeah, tie a ribbon. There's a ribbon. What? You'll have to probably... Does it be a bit? They love ribbons. Yeah, you'll have to wrap it several times so it's not too loose or anything. I always say ribbons for her pleasure.

40:49Well, yeah, I'll look into it.

40:55But, Jay, sorry, man.

40:56Keyzie:It's okay, man, look. Because you've done this and I've given you so much stick about it. Slight difference, though, isn't there? She will be getting something on Saturday. She'll be disappointed. Don't worry about that old hoody Jay. I may miss my wife's birthday every now and then. I certainly won't miss yours. Right, thank you. And believe you me, there's no need to put a ribbon on it. Okay. I don't know how I feel about how this conversation's turned. Well, no, I just mean I was so furious at myself of missing my wife, I went, I'm not going to let Kesey make the same mistake, so I'm going to cover for him.

41:41Yeah.

41:42Keyzie:I've said it's from you. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Oh, good. What is it? It's not another muffin tray or whatever. I don't want to blow the surprise. Look, would she be disappointed with a rugby ball wrapped up as an Easter egg? I don't think she'd fall for that You'd have to be pretty stupid to fall for that Do you have any advice as to what I should do? Like what do I give her on Saturday? That's the thing isn't it? Because you don't want to be It's one thing that your original present hasn't turned up But then you don't want to be disappointed by what you do give her She's not like oh this again Yeah she's I was expecting this Same old same old And oh I got that Yeah yeah And you didn't even wrap it up Yeah, you didn't even put a ribbon on it.

42:29Keyzie:Yeah. Do you think I should print out a photo of it? Oh, it's a nice idea. Give that to her? Depends what it is. What is it? Huh? What is it? Depends what it is. What's my downstairs, obviously.

42:44The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

42:50Keyzie:You're welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're super excited about the upcoming Easter break. You're listening to The Big Show, by the way. Brought to you by Toledo's. From work days to workouts, Toledo's keeps you balanced, refreshed and ready to go. Toledo's. Do you know, fellas, my wife and I have been struggling with meal ideas. Ah. I don't know if there's any other people out there. You know, do you guys have this in your... No, I think you wouldn't, Keezy, because you just do mints every night. but where you have the struggle of, God, what are we going to eat tonight? I'm sort of always here, and then I get home, and I get the surprise of what's for dinner.

43:34Generally, it's nothing.

43:35Keyzie:Right, okay. Well, my wife and I every day have the same conversation, which is, what should we have for dinner? And it's like, I don't know, man. And we're really stuck in a rut menu-wise. And I've just discovered this book out in Studio B, easy as pie. What's in it? Pie recipes. How hard are they? They're really simple. Would you say they were easy? They were easy. They should call it easy. Simple pie. And I remembered, actually, my wife makes a bloody good pie. What kind? Yeah, well, she'll like a good steak and mushroom, for example, Keezy. Well, actually, my wife does too. It has a little bit of stout in there.

44:19Yes, a little bit of stout. Very nice. A little bit of lemon zest.

44:22Keyzie:Very good. And so I've just been flooded with ideas. I like a fish pie, for example. A bacon and egg pie with like some semi-dried tomatoes to it, you know? Maybe a bit of spinach, something like that, because my wife likes her veggies. So are you going to make that tonight for dinner? Because you don't have any pastry, you don't have any bacon or any eggs. No, no, no. No, this is looking ahead, Keezy. We're having chorizo and chicken sort of casserole tonight. Right, okay. Is this pie chat? I guess it is pie chat. But I'm very excited because I've been in such a rut food-wise. You know what I mean?

44:59Keyzie:We both have. And I feel like I've broken through. So you've been in a rut with your wife food-wise. Food-wise, yeah. And you've thought of a bacon and egg pie and now you're stoned. I'm stoned. And you've got a whole pie book there. I've already sent her like three or four recipes for vol-e-vent. How come you didn't tell us that you were in a rut with your wife? That's good content, man. We could have done with some of that. I know, but, you know, I try to keep my wife out of the show. Oh, do you? Hey, by the way, we've got$50 cash from our mates Toledo's. Let us know what your plans are for the Easter holidays.

45:33Give us a text on 3483 and the one we like the most, $50 cash, just like that.

45:38Keyzie:Maybe it's like a sexy getaway that Kesey's having. Maybe. Maybe it's staying at home and eating a pie like Jase. Tell us, because we want to know, man, on 3483. In the meantime, here's Incubus. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Guns. Roses there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday afternoon. Now, listen, there's a bit of sporting action over the Easter weekend. With that in mind, we've got ACC head G Lane with us, Lane. And, mate, before we start, I just want to say how much I appreciate you leaving us some chips there on the Radio Hauraki desk.

46:19Keyzie:very much appreciated, mate. Good stuff. Good work by you. Good work. Well, it was just an offering, really, wasn't it? It was an offering before Easter, obviously. Jesus gave so much over this weekend that I thought the ACC would just give up a few chips to our Jesus, and that is you, Jason Hoyt. Thank you, man. I tell you what, it's been a struggle the last week or two, just, you know, not stealing from you guys, but I've pulled it off. I've pulled it off, mate. Okay, yeah, thanks, mate. Hey, this weekend, in terms of sport, if we can take it back to sport,

46:54listen, we're rugby-ying, the rest of the world-yangs. I don't know if you've looked at this weekend. Super rugby, they've decided to give five teams a bye.

47:03Keyzie:Yeah. Super rugby. That's Easter. It's a long weekend. Obviously, you know, a lot of people don't see their families. Whereas AFL, NRL, there is a game every single day of Easter, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Would that be the way to do it, though, to keep people entertained? Totally. What else is there to do over here? Off their heads. No one goes to church. No one goes to church. They just want to watch sport and drink beers. So that's pretty much where it's at. But, you know, they can see something different. Yeah. Are you suggesting, G Lane, that NZ Rugby might have got this one wrong?

47:37Massively wrong. Yeah, okay. Massively wrong. There is only three games this weekend. It's almost like when they did Magic Round in Melbourne for rugby union.

47:48Keyzie:Well, speaking of the union, though, I am absolutely fizzing Reds v Force. Yeah, that one there, late Saturday night, Reds Force. It's a classic hoi, that one, that one. Just at 9.30 at night on a Saturday, sitting down there with maybe a bottle of gin, no mixes, and just pouring it into a tumbler and just getting yourself into some union at 9.30 at night. Oh, that sounds so enjoyable. So is that the sort of... Yeah, but I'm not a gin fan, Kesey, just for the record. Well, Queensland ways, I'd go Bundaberg rum. Yeah, sure, sure. Bundaberg rum, maybe just straight body then. Can we just keep focusing on this game?

48:35Keyzie:because Queensland, of course, coming off that loss, they were top of the table, got their asses handed to them by the inform Hurricanes. No one cares about this game, Jase. Come on, it's 9.30 at night. Who are they playing again? They're playing the Western Force, and just on the Force, G-Lane, obviously they were a tough loss to the Chiefs last week and we'll be expecting them to bounce back against the Reds. Well, the only good thing about the Force is they've got an NRL superstar playing for them this weekend. Oh! Zach. Zach Lomax. Lomax. Yeah. Yeah, so he was in the NRL and he was kind of pissing everyone around.

49:11He's a really good player. He was in Origin last year and now he's playing for the Western Force. So are you saying, G-Lane, that that is the game to watch this weekend? No, definitely not. Oh, okay. No, definitely not. The game to watch will 100 % be the Chiefs versus the Retards. The Waratahs, yes. Saturday night, 7.05pm. Are these going to be commentated by the ACC and on Hodaki? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And also Friday night, the Crusaders versus the Fijian and Terua. The last game at the worst stadium in New Zealand. Oh, wow. Yeah. So I encourage all Crusaders fans and Fiji fans to go down there and burn the place down on the final whistle.

49:49You have my authority to burn the place to the ground before they move to Takaha for Super Round. Well, once again, if you want to listen to those games, with the ACC's coverage, iHeartRadio, All Radio Hauraki, tomorrow night, 7.05, and Saturday night, 7.05 as well. What's your prediction, G-Lane, just before we let you go, for the Reds-Force game?

50:12Zach Lomax will score three plus tries. Nice. Oh, yeah, good. Yeah, man, I'm fizzed up for that one.

50:17Keyzie:Good, good stuff. All right, Lane. Good on you, mate. See you later. See you, mate. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Rage against a machine there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday evening. Hey, fellas, head to lumplottery.co.nz to get yourself in the draw to win a ute. The idea behind this is raising awareness for testicular cancer, which is the number one cancer amongst young fellas here in New Zealand. So it's a good way to remind yourself to actually just check from time to time. Once a month, hand down the pants, give it a check. Is there a lump? Go see a doctor.

50:51Yeah. lumplottery.co.nz, you can win a ute.

50:53Keyzie:And do you, what, take a photo of your bullos and then send it to win the ute? 3483. No, you just go to lumplottery.co. Don't send it to 3483. That's our text. I don't want to see any balls. What about lumps? I don't want to see anything. We're not setting up a situation here where we at Hauraki check photos of testicles for lumps. No, but I mean... In order to win the U. In order to win the U, are they taking a photo of their bullos and then sending it somewhere? Let me just... No. No. Oh, okay. Maybe. Should we say yes just in case? Because they could send it to the Hodaki Big Show Instagram.

51:32They could actually. Or you could just DM Hoity Jizzbot.

51:36Keyzie:Oh, no, my DM's not working at the moment. No, it is. At Hoity J. Because to be honest, mate, you've probably seen the most nuts out of all of us. That would be a fair comment. So you'd be the best at sort of spotting a lump. Yeah, sure. What was the most impressive set of testicles you've ever laid your eyes on? If you say your own. I'd have to say In terms of density and weight Mike Lane Yeah So And Because I know he rested them on your shoulder or something No my head On your forehead No on my head Not my forehead I wasn't lying sideways Keezy I was commentating Was that Was that while he was getting the vasectomy?

52:18Or was that just random nuts on the head?

52:20Keyzie:No It was just random nuts on the head Yeah right okay What motivated him, do you think? Did he want you to check his ticket? Seriously, at the time, I thought someone had cracked an ostrich egg over my head. Really? Totally. I was like, what is that weird weight going down both sides of my head there? Oh, right. Because they split apart. They do. And, yeah, it was just like. So it was almost like wearing a pair of winter air muffs. Nearly. Another couple of inches, they would have been air testicle muffs. Yeah, right. Out of curiosity, out of the three of us here, who do you think's got the biggest?

52:55Keyzie:I've got really tight little bulls. And can I say beautifully manicured? You've seen them. Well, the laser surgery, man, remember? Laser surgery, yeah. The laser action. He went like 50 times, Keezy. I was loving it. I'm not surprised they're small and tight. Right, so you've got like a couple of marbles. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. whereas Hoody Jays, you've self-described a couple of moon hoppers on a command hook. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, cool. What are you running there, Keith? We've covered massively hairy shockers. Just a regular. But you were saying that they're very uneven. Yeah, yeah, I was saying that.

53:38Keyzie:You said your right testicle really hangs down and it's like the weight of your right testicle is pulling your left testicle up. Yeah, and I went and saw the doctor and for some reason they're connected. Yes. On me. And so he's like, just pull the other one down. And it literally fixed it. It's literally like when you have a cord in your pants. Yeah, that's right. Drawstring. A drawstring. One gets really long and then you've got a little stubby one and then you've got to pull it through. Yeah, except for one time it kind of went all the way through and I had to try and thread it back. But anyway, lumplottery.co.nz and check yourself for Lumps New Zealand.

54:14The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

54:27Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's the big show done and dusted for today and for the week. What's the podcast outro clip today, Keezy? Today's clip is entitled Burrito Boy, so I can only assume it's about me. You can't just eat a yellow and pink sandwich for dinner. Yes, you can. It says burrito, boy. Yeah, there's f***ing lettuce in my burritos, man. Is there? Yes. What do you think? I just have mint and a wrap. And I have that for five nights in a row. Oh, no, I imagine there was some beans or something. The funny thing is, if I was a student, I'd 100 % just have the mints and the wrap and maybe some sauce, and I'd be stoked.

55:12Keyzie:I think it's our partners, isn't it, fellas, that make us eat veggies? Yes, it is. Because my wife, she constantly craves vegetables, and I'm like, what's wrong with you? Yeah. Just have the meat, man. And a dart. And a dart. Couple of pints. What are you up to this weekend, Gizzaroni? Very much looking forward to just hanging out with my wife, actually. We just cruise around the city, having dinner with her sister on Saturday night and her partner. and just... Bit of the wah. You'll be sitting down watching the wahs on Sunday afternoon. Try and stop me. What about you, Moggy? What are you up to?

55:49Just a little bit of work, actually, sadly. But a bit of grandma. Oh, yes, of course. Mums in town, so hanging out with her and just taking a couple of days off. I'll work for one day and then I'm trying to take three off. Yeah, nice. I like it. See how we go.

56:02Keyzie:Keezy, you're in for a pretty sexy weekend. You fizzed, brother. You fizzed. I am fizzed, man. You're taking a massive suitcase full of toys, I heard. Like jigsaw puzzles and Monopoly. Yes, correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jigsaw puzzles, Monopoly deal, which is the card version. That is so hot. Bananagrams. Bananagrams. Bananagrams. Maybe some rummy cub. How good. Oh, yeah, classic rummy cub. And a couple of casks of piss. Yeah, a couple of bottles of wine there and some cheese. So I'm going to have a great weekend, fellas. I'm looking forward to it. Has your wife packed a platter and a knife? Oh, yes.

56:39Like she did

56:40Keyzie:for France. Yes, did she do that? She 100 % has packed the plate every night. Yeah, good stuff, mate. Cold meats there, Keezy? Yeah, leftover corned beef. Hey, shall we wrap it up there, Fiel? Yeah, we shall. Hey, take care of the year. Have a safe Easter till Tuesday. Goodbye.