FULL SHOW: Santa's Big-Honkered Helpers

12:02Jase:I'm saying your wife should get one. She's got one. That's how she makes such beautiful cake. Bit of extra milk in there. Milk. Do you reckon Santa could get one of those, though? Can he make a cake mix? I reckon he could make that, for sure. Yeah, he could probably whack that together.

12:16Keyzie:Yeah, we can do that. The thing about Santa is he's got a whole room full of spare parts, and that's how he makes all these stuff. He just whips them together. Yeah, yeah, the olds do. Yeah, right, okay. G'day, fellas. Hayden here, 14. Like a pack of darts for Christmas.

12:30Jase:Now we're talking. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. I'm going to get you a carton. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

12:40Keyzie:Green day there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The West Indies losing another wicket. 184 for seven now, so New Zealand climbing on top, fellas.

12:50Jase:I love it when New Zealand climbs on top. Totally, man. It's the best. Hey, fellas, I went over the weekend and I got fitted for some new spectacles. Yes. Over time, as you know, my eyesight has slowly been getting worse. Well, actually quite quickly. Shocking how fast it goes, Keezy. Does it just fall off a cliff one day?

13:10Keyzie:For me, it fell off a cliff, yes. Yeah, genuinely, that's how it works. It just happens like de-douche. All of a sudden, you can't see diddly.

13:18Jase:Well, I said to the lady there, I says to her, she was an optometrist, Keezy. Oh, right. And I says to her, this is what happened to me. I said, I noticed one day that my eyesight was failing me. It wasn't as good as it once used to be. And I thought, oh, that's interesting. My eyesight's getting a bit worse. And then a month later it was like, holy shit, my eyesight is terrible. Yes. I said, is that how it happens? It gets really bad really quick. And she said it varies from person to person, which I thought was typical from her. She won't commit one way or the other, you know what I mean? Yeah.

13:47Lazy. Is it lazy or is it just, you know, accurate?

13:51Jase:Well, who would know? Yeah, true. So anyway, I've gone along to this joint and I've tried. So first I've done the testing. We're all good there. Now it's time to get the frames on. So you start looking around the shop at the frames. Who makes the frames? Versace. Oh, like Jase's bag. Jimmy Choo. Yeah. All of these absolute top-of-the-line brands. I was like, where are the dirty dogs here? They don't have any dirty dogs. Or what about like, what is it, Oakley's? They had Oakley's. Yeah, now we're talking. I'm not an idiot. So anyway, I've gone through there. I've tried a few different frames on.

14:25Jase:We chucked it up on the Haariki Big Show Instagram. and there's a lot of votes that went down. We showed about eight different sorts, some like yours, Jase, actually, that you get from the$2 shop. Yes. Because I know your eyes have been terrible for a long time, but you've never seen an optometrist, have you?

14:40Keyzie:Never seen one. Just to actually correct the record here,

14:43Jase:they were$25. Old money bags. Yeah, I reckon. Jeez, dog squad money. Dog squad money, all right. But the overwhelming votes seem to be for these frames that have got the clear frame. You know, not black frame. Grey, almost. Like a see-through plastic. Yeah, yeah. Like a transverse plastic sort of a number. Very trendy. Sort of a Jeremy Welles-y sort of set up. Yes. Which is actually what I ended up getting. I didn't get those specific ones. We got some that were fairly close to it. But, jeez, they're not cheap. No. They're not cheap at all. Can I have a guess? Yeah, well, why don't you ask me how much?

15:18Do you want me just to ask you? Just ask me. Do you want me to guess?

15:21Jase:What are you going to ask me? Well, it'd probably be more fun if I guess. Just guess. Do you want me to guess? Go on. How much were they? Well, it's none of your business. That's a financial question, because you don't ask people that. Can I guess? You can guess. $500. More.

15:41Keyzie:$800. Less. $600. I couldn't say. Actually, when you told me that, I was like, compared to what my wife's worth, Yes. I was like, what the hell's going on with my wife's glasses? Yeah. Because it's cheaper. No. Oh, wow. Significantly more than that. Significantly more, but it's a hell of a lot of money. Oh, doesn't she have those ones that look, is it Dame Edna style glasses? With all the little jewels and stuff in them? Can you clip that off for me, Pugson? I'm going to play it to my wife when I get home today and she'll have a few words with Keezy. You can just play it in the podcast. You don't have to clip it off.

16:23Keyzie:My concern. Yes. 600, 700, whatever.

16:29Jase:After a 30 % discount as well, might I add. Yes. I had no idea. We went through the kerfuffle. She said how much it was, and I was like, what? Because I had my missus there. I was like, do you hear that? So we're doing this? She goes, well, your eyesight. And I was like, well, yeah. But still. 700 bucks.

16:47Keyzie:The recent loss of car keys. Yeah. The recent loss of what else was there? God. Sunnies. Sunnies, everything. Wallet. Yeah. The fact you've got your pants on backwards today. Are you considering, and you need to, the chain? My wife said you need to get the chain. So that's the chain off the back of the arms?

17:08Jase:Off each arm, but you then loop around your neck. Like a librarian. And she's right, because I will lose them. Yes. But I think I would rather lose them than wear that. Because I think the only place that I'm going to wear them, really, is going to be at home when I'm reading in bed, like an old dad. Sexy. Like an old dad. Yeah. Shock and bastard. So do I need those? Am I going to lose them from there? The answer is yes. What about in the office? I don't think I need them because I'm fine on a computer screen. Right, okay. I can tell you, Jase. I think I probably, you're right, I need to get them.

17:40Jase:My wife is right, I do need to get them. But it's such a shock to the system. When I first put on those first frames and looked in the mirror, I recoiled. Right. Wow. Yeah. Because it's a final transformation. You are now officially an old bastard. It's horrible.

18:04Keyzie:Well, you know. I mean, Jason and I are in our 30s. We can't relate. Yeah, but it's not that far away, is it, to be honest? What are you now? It's like another decade and we'll be right up there with you, Moogie. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Smashing pumpkins there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time is 4.47. The West Indies, 187 for seven. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

18:39Yeah. Yeah.

18:45Jase. Yeah. Jase. Yeah. Yes.

18:52Jase:Look, I'm conscious of the fact that I've been very negative about the things that I've been watching lately. Well, but to be fair, if you found them crap, they're crap. It's not my fault everything sucks, Jase. That's right. And everything does. Yes, it's everyone's fault. However, I talked to my wife about it last night, and I said, well, why don't we watch something that we know is good? I've had two people tell me that Train Dreams, that is on Netflix starring Joel Edgerton, who's just been nominated for a Golden Globe for his performance. Yes. We know that that must be good, so let's watch that.

19:21Jase:Yes. She said, great. Train Dreams. Train Dreams. It's a movie. It's a movie. It's on Netflix. So I said, okay, great, we'll do that. So sat down with our dinner. Sat down with our dinner to watch that. Chucked it on, and then my wife said, oh, hang on a minute. So she'd finished it in pretty quick. So she just went out to the kitchen and did the dishes, cleaned the dishes, tidied the kitchen, sorted the kitchen out. Right, so you paused, you're like 20 minutes in. Just want to pause. No, we hadn't even started. Oh, wow, okay. I literally pushed play and the emblem for the movie came up. Yeah.

19:57Jase:Then she went downstairs, brought some washing in, went into the bedroom, grabbed all the washing, went downstairs and put some washing on. All of this took, without a word of a lie, 45 minutes to an hour. Right. By which time it was too late to start. I said, she came back in. I said, are we doing this or what's the go? Oh, you know. And then she came in. And I said, well, it's too late now because it's going to mean we won't get to bed until about quarter past nine. Moogie's bedtime. Yeah, I mean, that's outrageous. And she goes, oh, is it a movie? I said, yeah, it's a movie. And she said, oh, I didn't know.

20:30Jase:She thought it was a series, you see. So I didn't watch it. So I watched another episode of Pluribus on Apple, which I don't like. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to stick it out, man. Yeah. I'm going to stick it out. We are too. It's just very repetitive. It's the same old thing. Like, what's happening? and we're up to episode three, got it. There's got to be a dark side. There's got to be a twist coming. Yes. But how long have I got, man? Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? That's true. I reckon you'll like train dreams, right, because you like your model trains. I do. And I like dreams. Yeah, you do. Most dreams.

21:03Yeah, yeah.

21:05Keyzie:I had a Keezy night last night. If you now describe a Keezy night as something really insulting and stupid. Stand by. Oh, jeez. Okay, go ahead, go ahead. It was a renovation show that we stumbled upon. Okay. And it was in Australia. Unfortunately, fellas, I apologise, I can't remember the name of the show. But they were redoing or doing up an old sort of historic farmhouse. Is it the one where they only renovate, like, heritage homes? It was something in that vein, yes. And they have to protect, there's certain things they have to tick off with the heritage status. Something like that, yes. Now, anyway.

21:45Keyzie:Heritage homes are us. They had an architect there with him, you know, who's the host of the show. And they were like. What's his name? Dunno. And anyway, they told the architect, this is what we want to do. What were their names? Yeah. Dunno. What channel was it on? Dunno.

22:04Keyzie:And the architect was, those are very, very ambitious dreams you've got there. He was negative throughout the entire process. They had a budget of like. He was a doubting Thomas. $1.2 million to do the work. It was a disaster. Good. And it ended up costing$2.1 million. And it's like, how do you even get to do that if you have a budget of 1.2 or whatever it was, and it ends up being 2.1? I mean, that's nearly a million dollars more. What are you doing with your lives?

22:42Jase:They got their numbers mixed up.

22:43Keyzie:They did, but how did they even pay for it? And they had to take out another mortgage and all this stuff. And it's like, you're idiots. The classic. You are idiots. The classic is they always go, we want to come out of this, we're putting our life savings in, hopefully we can come out of this mortgage-free or as small of a mortgage as possible. Yes. And then you talk to them at the end of the episode and they're like, it's the largest mortgage we've ever had in our lives. Out of our lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many buzzies out of five? One and a half. All right. Just infuriated me. What did you watch, Casey?

23:14I watched Pluribus, loved it. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

23:21Keyzie:White stripes there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time, sorry, 4.56. The score, 189 for seven. I got them mixed up feelings. Good on you, mate. That's right. I'm just confirming they're playing cricket. Yeah, they're playing cricket. West Indies, 189 for seven. And they're playing against New Zealand. And they're playing against New Zealand? They're playing against New Zealand, yeah. Right, OK. And New Zealand's the team wearing white. New Zealand's the team bowling, Keezy. Right, OK. Hey, coming up after five, by the way, Jase, I shot my first ever commercial yesterday.

23:51Obviously, you're my agent. We haven't discussed fees and things. There's something I need to bring up with you around that, if that's okay.

23:56Keyzie:There's something I need to bring up with you too, actually, Keezy. Right, can I bring mine up first? I've had a bit of feedback on that. Right, okay, well, let's bring both up together and we'll discuss that after five. Sure, man. Plus, listen out for that cue to call. If you hear it, call 0800-HORAKI and you and a mate can be heading to LA to see Green Day, Cage the Elephant, Sublime, et cetera. playing at the Alter Ego Festival. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. You're welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're getting through your hump day tickety-boo.

24:30Keyzie:You're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Reburg U. Craveworthy street food, freshly made with Reburg U.

24:44Keyzie:Keezy. What? Do it properly, please. Crave-worthy street food freshly made with Reburger. Cheers, bye.

24:56Keyzie:I'm going to give you one last chance here, Keezy. Crave-worthy street food freshly made with Reburger. Cheers. Fine. Now, listen, a bit of drama in the cricket by the looks of it. Blair Tickner, fielding on the boundary, has done himself some sort of horrific injury, currently being wheeled off the ground, sucking on the gas there.

25:23Jase:He's sucking on the whistle, man. Morphine? That's the morphine, yeah, and he hasn't taken that out of his mouth. He is absolutely hoon in the basket. He is, and the weird thing is, so they've got this bowler on at the moment. His name's, is it Ray or Rye? Ray. Ray, who looks like Shane Van Gisbergen in a sweatband. I've never seen him before, and he is, the shot of him looking concerned, it was like Blair Tickner had seriously, seriously injured himself.

25:49Keyzie:I've never seen, as you were saying, Mogi, anything like that in a cricket match before. He's obviously dislocated something or some...

25:55Jase:Well, they did say dislocated and the only time I think I've ever seen anything like it, I vaguely remember the Australians colliding with each other, going for a catch and something getting knocked out, which was pretty horrendous and their nose spread all over their face. The other issue too is he has taken four wickets. Yes. And also our bowling stocks.

26:12Keyzie:We're having a horrific run at the moment. Well, let's hope he's okay and they sort him out. In the meantime, we'll just chill out with a bit of ACDC. Yeah, we'll chill, man. Also, coming up next, Jase, as mentioned earlier, just need to have a word to you about commission as my agent, if that's all good. Sure, man. Just a few things we need to iron out, man. There'll be no ironing, Keezy. Sorry, what was that? Oh, ACDC, how good. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Oasis there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show. A cat! Bow him! $1.99 for eight. Old Phillips going straight through the batsman there, knocking over the off stump.

26:59Keyzie:Nice work.

27:00Jase:He really is zippy, isn't he? He is zippy. From Rainbow. In terms of his head, he looks like zippy.

27:06Keyzie:Incidentally, fellas, I just want to say, I've just got a text from my wife to say, She's in the car driving home. Make her laugh, please. All right, no pressure. Right, okay. No pressure. Okay. Yeah, but anyway, Keezy, you did your first ad yesterday, didn't you? Yeah, I shot a commercial. Can't go into too many details. Yeah, top secret. Well, not top secret. Top, top, top. You know, top secret would be like the very most important things. This is probably maybe four levels below that.

27:32Jase:Yeah, it's probably who cares secret. Well, I don't know if it's that bad. I mean, some people might care.

27:37Keyzie:Look, in terms of the scale of things, minor. Jase, you're my agent. Yes. Describing what I do as minor, how do you think that makes me feel as an actor? I would have thought pretty good because I was initially going to say insignificant. Drop in the ocean. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, well, that's the reality, isn't it? Because I'm only just getting started. Oh, that's it, man. And yesterday I did do my first commercial. I've got a bone to pick. Well, not a bone. We didn't discuss a fee beforehand, right? You said the way it works is you film the thing, and then afterwards you know what the fee is.

28:15Keyzie:You don't need to be concerning yourself about fees and things like that. You had enough to worry about. Why is that? Because in my head, they'd come and say, hey, we've got a job for Kesey. This is how much we're willing to pay him. Oh, no, they didn't say your name. I had to absolutely beg, steal, and borrow to give you an opportunity. But the way in my head it's like, oh, hey, we want this person to act. Here's how much we're willing to pay. And then you bring that to, say, me.

28:41Jase:Like a budget, you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I say, oh, yeah, cool, I can do it for that. I thought that was how it works. But the way you're saying is you do the job first and then what? Do they pay you based on your performance or what's the –

28:51Keyzie:No, no, no. There is a set fee. But I didn't – I knew that you'd been struggling with lines and I didn't want any more distractions for you, even though you only had one line. Just one line. I didn't want your head filled with fees and cash and stuff, particularly given it was your first job, Keezy. Yeah. And I just wanted you focused on the job at hand. Well, the thing I've got, and I've been thinking about this, is I was in my undies all day yesterday for this ad. Yeah. And it was in public. It was a very public space, hundreds of people walking past, and I had to be in my undies for that whole thing.

29:26You know, I got to put on a dressing gown when they didn't need me. Yeah. But then otherwise it was like back into your spot, undies on.

29:31Jase:And that's tough for the passers-by, obviously. They didn't sign up for that. They're not getting paid anything to have to look at that. That's not fair.

29:38Keyzie:And that was one of the reasons why there was a reduction in the initial fee. Because this is what I was going to ask. They had to hire people to make sure that you weren't seen. And actually, just on that, by the way, one crew member actually was sent home because she felt nauseous. I'm not saying that's you, but... Of course it's not me. I was just standing there in my undies. I don't know how. This was my question was, surely you get paid more. If you're in your undies in public for an ad, surely they pay you extra to compensate for that. A nudity clause. A nudity clause. Yeah, if you were nude, but you're in undies.

30:15Well, undies is still, you know. It's not nude.

30:18Keyzie:It's semi. But surely the rate. Semi. Semi. I didn't. Surely the rate reflects the fact that I had to be in my undies and then will be in my undies for the ad as well. What was the rate? Mogi, don't you love this? A young rookie actor. Just, you know, and this is why I didn't want to talk about the fee with him. Because can you see how obsessed he is? He's going, surely the rate's this, surely the rate's that. Surely it's this or that because I'm doing this or that. You're obsessed with the machinations of making the art. And the money as opposed to the art. Instead of the actual job at hand. I've got to tell you, Kesey, it's been an absolute shit show for me today after that.

31:03Keyzie:Really? The crew complained that you constantly interfered trying to help them out. Yeah. I did. I helped them carry a table over at one point. Yeah, and tried to put up an easy... A shelter. Yeah, I helped set up a shelter. Which is just a massive no-no, as we previously discussed. Right. They also said after lunch you went into like a food coma and just butchered your lines continuously. Well, yeah, I'd run out of gas a wee bit, and I had a coffee and it was sweet. There was only one line as well. And then you had a tantrum that there were no snacks or whatever on the table there. Well, no, the tantrum was that they had the wrong flavour, tiny teddies.

31:40Keyzie:Well, exactly. So this is what I ended up having to do. Right. We've had to flag the fee on the condition that it's never spoken of again. Yeah. They're not putting it to air and we'll just call it quits and they won't say anything out in public. Yeah, that seems fair to me. Right, OK. But you do have to pay them some money for interfering with the crew because you interfere with their jobs. Yeah. And they've had to pay overtime because it went over because you butchered the lines. And so there was overtime that they have to pay, which wasn't in the budget. That's not bad. It's not bad. How much?

32:24Keyzie:About eight and a half K. It was about half an hour overtime. There's a big crew though, Mo. Yeah. Thanks for sorting that for me, man. And they had to launder the undies too. It's a hell of a thing getting them back in. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. My Heart Radio. Alter Ego.

32:50He's got it now! Let's get another great New Zealander in the draw.

32:55Keyzie:Yes, indeed, and what a prize it is, eh, Fjellos? Fjellos? What a prize it is! That's right, you and a mate flying to LA for the iHeartRadio Alter Ego. January the 17th, that's January the 17th. Next year. Not this year. That's soon, man. It's very soon, Moggy. You're heading to LA to see some of the biggest names in alternative rock, Green Day, Cage the Elephant, plenty more. One of my favourite bands, Sublime, as well. The tickets are for you and a mate to head along there. You get a hotel, you get$1 ,000 cash, you get direct flights courtesy of Air New Zealand, non-stop New Zealand to LA. How good, man.

33:27Keyzie:Let's go to the phone lines, fellas. G'day, Caleb, you mad bastard. How's life? Oh, it's pretty good at the moment, mate. It's a bit warm, but, you know, we're still cruising along. Yeah, it's summertime, mate. Whereabouts are you calling from, Caleb? Oh, the big smoke, mate. Auckland. Oh, yeah. What do you do for a crust, mate? I'm a sales rep slash manager for a small company. Oh!

33:52Jase:A small company, backbone. Small backbone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit light on details, to be honest with you. Yeah, but no, I mean, no, no. Sales, small company, sales, but cagey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drug dealer.

34:06Keyzie:You get the gist, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And who would you take with you, Caleb? Were you lucky enough to win? Probably my brother-in-law, who's probably the only friend I've got at the minute. Yeah, backbone. Yeah, yeah, okay, mate, fair enough. What's his name? Oswald. We call him Aussie. Aussie.

34:23Jase:If I was you, I'd call him Oswald because that would get him good. Yeah, because that's embarrassing. Funnily enough, we call him Aussie, but he's a South African.

34:29Keyzie:Oh, there you go. Well, all the best with that, Caleb, and we'll flick you over to old Pugsam there if you don't mind. Cheers, fellas. Have a good arbo. Cheers. Yeah, straight back to the old accent there. G'day, Craig, you mad bastard. How's life? Yeah, it's great. How are you guys going? Yeah, not too bad, mate. Not too bad. What do you do for a crust, Craig? I'm exactly the same as Caleb. Are you? A drug dealer too. Are you a drug dealer, Craig? Yeah, always. Got to keep it on the streets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good idea, Craig. Hey, listen, mate. If you were to win this, who would you take with you?

35:09Keyzie:I'd probably have to take the messes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, fair enough, mate. What's her name? Oh, I don't know if I can say on the radio. Yeah, you're probably a good call.

35:19Jase:It's probably a good idea, mate. It's smart from UK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Caleb, look, Craig, sorry, you hold the line and we'll hand you over to Pugs. He'll chuck you in the drawer, all right?

35:29Keyzie:Cheers, fellas. Thanks, mate. So good, fellas. Yeah, it's really good. Hey, just quickly, the thing about this competition is that with Air New Zealand's nonstop Auckland to Los Angeles service and seamless USA connections with the United Airlines, you can experience it all. Yeah, right. And I hadn't actually thought about that.

35:46Jase:Yeah. It's funny when you say that. I just tune out. You tune out. Just you, hopefully. Hey, coming up soon, fellas, Pearl Jam. Uh-oh. Stone Temple Pilots and some Jimmy Barnes. Oh, how good. How does that sound? The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

36:07Keyzie:Yes, indeed, the Stone Temple Pilots there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening, fellas. There's plenty coming up after 6 o 'clock, by the way. We give out some much-needed advice for all those folks struggling out there, fellas. That's right, fellas. Meet pattynip69 at gmail.com. It's a real email address. It is. Get in touch, 100 % anonymous, and if we read it on the show, you get a$50 Reburger voucher. Hell of a deal. A great deal, Moggy. Also coming up after 6, earlier in the show we were discussing if you want to text through on 3483 a gift you'd like from Santa, let us know.

36:41Say your name, your age, and the gift you're after. we will let Santa know and see if we can put in a good word for you.

36:46Keyzie:Yeah, good stuff, mate. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. It sure is The Big Show and boy are we grateful for your company this Wednesday night. Incidentally, The Big Show is sponsored by ReBurge. Handcrafted burgers, loaded fries and gourmet eats that will change the game. Ha ha ha What would you like This year from me Santa Look I'll be honest It's just one thing on my mind Exciting It's nice to know you're not greedy Look it's just got It's got to be re-big year Did you say re-big year Maybe it is more than one thing If I'm getting handcrafted

37:36Jase:Biggers Loaded fries and gourmet eats all at the same time. And you're sure that's all you want? Well, yeah, because it's, yeah. No. I like that that person's not greedy. They've just thought about it long and hard and gone, all I want for Christmas is some reed beer. It's some crave-worthy street food freshly made.

37:58Keyzie:Yeah. That's great stuff, man. It is. It's great stuff. Is there anything you guys desperately want for Christmas?

38:03Jase:Nothing at all. That's what I want. I want to be given nothing at all. Yes. I actually find it annoying to be given gifts because I don't need anything and I don't want anything. And it's just stuff I have to carry around with me. So I just want to hang out. I want to have a yarn. That's all I want.

38:16Keyzie:Yeah, I'm in the same vein. I'm in that really awkward conundrum, Moody. You want to get me something?

38:22Jase:Hoody J, get me a beer, brother.

38:23Keyzie:Yeah, sure. Now, listen, because my wife loves prezzies. She plans the crap out of buying presents. And I'm like, don't worry about me and stuff. And she's like, oh, you know, she loves that sort of stuff. whereas for me it's hanging out with my family and stuffing my gob. Yeah, right. Yeah, with a vape. You know what I'm saying? Oh, with a vape. With a vape and a few durries. Right, I thought you meant like food, like a Christmas hand.

38:49Jase:So while your family's inside and everyone's sort of chatting and chases outside. Having a fag. Hey, coming up shortly, fellas, what do you want for Christmas? Text us 3483. Oh. We'll let Santa know every text in the drawer for a$50 Reburger voucher. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

39:10Keyzie:Tom Petty there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. Now, we were asking the punters, weren't we, fellas, what do you want for Christmas, New Zealand? Yes. And we have been inundated, nay, flooded with responses on 3483. So many. So many, guys. It's great. Obviously, a lot of them can't be done. Like, for example, g'day guys, for Christmas, can I have a poster of one of Keezy's meat patties blown up full size?

39:39Jase:Yeah, we were going to do that because Keezy's got these guys. A lot of people won't know Keezy. You've got to keep them up to speed. We've got so many new listeners. Keezy's got gigantic nipples that look like burnt meat patties. So we call them burnt meat patty nips. So people won't know that. And they stink like, well, not stink. They smell like burnt meat patties. They're gargantuan. Yeah. So the suggestion that you would make up a poster of that, I mean, it's funny. Is it? Can I just... I don't know.

40:15Keyzie:That'd sell pretty well, but yeah. That'd sell like hotcakes. This is the thing, Kees. You know how we were talking earlier in the show about how much you were getting paid for this job. They didn't factor in the nips, and they were like, oh, God, we're going to have to... Hey, I thought we were doing like a Santa gift thing. No. What else is there? G'day, guys. Shirley here. I'm 58. Temple. No, it's not what we're doing. I've been a good girl this year, and I would like Santa to get me some Marc Jacobs Perfect Perfume. Please put in a good word for me. Happy Christmas. That stuff reeks. Yeah, it's a perfume it's supposed to.

40:55Yeah. Not good.

40:56Keyzie:I wouldn't have a clue what that smells like or costs. But it's not for us to say whether or not it's... I mean, I've never heard of it. Mark Jacobs. I don't know that Santa's a perfumery. Yeah, or a perfumier. But, like, we're not meant to critique it. We're just passing it on to Santa. So we just let Santa know, right? Oh, yeah, sure.

41:17Jase:I'll just put a note by it. I don't like her chances. Okay? Okay, then we're going to pass that to Santa. Okay, cool. G'day, guys. My name's Kath. I'm 42. Oh, Kath.

41:31Keyzie:God, okay, yes. What's the name? Is it La Croissette?

41:34Jase:La Croissant. No. La Croissant. La Croissette. La Croissette. La Croissette. This feels racist. No, no, no, no. It's not. The really fancy cookware. Oh. Oh, yes. Oui, oui. No. Once again, I'm not sure that Santa can steal brands. Like, this is not a factory in China. Right. This is Santa's workshop. Thank you. Okay, so no branded stuff We should have just said that then It's not for me to say But I think Santa would be furious Yeah, he would be Well, what about this? And this will be good G'day guys, Jack here Six years old I'd like a rocking horse A rocking horse? Well, that's good, right? Because that's something Santa can slap together How old is he?

42:21Keyzie:Six Yeah, he sort of should be growing out of that sort of stage by now Well, he's six I mean, I left my rocking horse when I was about three That's true As did my daughter

42:30Jase:Right okay But that's okay What is it you say he wants to rock in alls?

42:35Keyzie:That's weird but okay Well don't judge a little 6 year old kid on the radio You know it's Alright one more just because this has been great G'day guys Nigel here 47 Yes Wants his wife to forgive him and take him back Oh Yeah I mean Sandy I mean what's

42:54Jase:Tricky I don't know if Ooh Yeah Yeah, I mean, it's more of a gift. Like, maybe if he wants a wooden nutcracker or something, Santa can help.

43:04Keyzie:Yeah. Look, I mean, Santa's no angel himself. He's a shocking bastard. Hang on, so you're suggesting that Santa does the dirty on Mrs. Claus? Are you serious? Oh, yeah, mate. How do you know? Well, he's going down everyone's chimneys all the time. I mean, there's going to be the odd occasion, Kesey, where he might stumble upon something that he's not expecting, maybe. Yeah. You know, someone lying in their lingerie on the couch there. And he's just there sacking hands. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. The Killers there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening.

43:46Keyzie:Now, fellas, in the podcast outro today, I was telling you about a show that I watched last night called Full Moon Fishing. Oh, yes. On Māori. Wasn't it Moontide fishing? Oh, yeah, it might have been Moontide fishing. We don't know. There's no way to know. On Maori television. And they went out way out in the deep water getting kingies and stuff like that on a pretty cool little boat. But I was looking at the boat, watching the show, going, that's not as good as the hodaki boat. Yes. You know what I mean? Because the hodaki boat that you could win simply by naming it, and at its worth,$75 ,000 is a superior boat.

44:23Keyzie:Yeah, that's right. You text BOAT to 3483. We'll send you a link. Thank you. Fill out your details. Put a name in for this boat. Name it. And if you're the lucky person that gets drawn out, you will have that name you wrote on the side of your brand new thanks to Fin Chaser Boats. It is a 535 Cine console with a Mercury 60 horse four-stroke and a Voyager trailer as well. The whole package.

44:44Jase:It's a Fin Chaser, right? It's a Fin Chaser. Yeah, it's a Fin Chaser. It's for chasing fins. It's for chasing fins. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you used to have that car called the Tail Chaser. Oh. I mean, I said Tail Chaser. Was it the ass chase? I forgot. Oh, it was the ass chase. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

44:59Keyzie:I remember that too. Yeah. God, it was full on. $75 ,000 is how much the entire package is worth.

45:05Jase:Yeah, it's a nice package. It's a great package. Boat to 3483. Give it a text. Because I'm pretty sure, Jase, that the TV show was called Moon Tide Fishing. Right, yeah, maybe. Because if it was full moon fishing, do they only go out at a full moon? Yeah.

45:18Keyzie:Well, the full moon is the optimum time, but it's all about fishing around the moon and where the moon is in the sky, as discussed in the podcast. Go and check it out.

45:28Jase:Can I just also say, because we haven't really pointed this out, is that this prize comes with all the bells and whistles. Oh, yeah, it does? So it's got the Garmin EcoMap 7-inch fish finder. Is that the GPS chart plotter? Yeah, that's how you find the fish there. We used to have one of those called the Ass Finder. Yes. Was it Garmin? Yeah, it was Garmin. And how many inches? Oh, good solid 7 inches, I reckon. Yeah, right. It says here as well that it has a Fusion stereo entertainment system with the RA60 plus speakers. Yeah, that's what I like to call a stereo, yeah. Yeah, do you have one of those in the ass chaser?

46:04Jase:Yeah, man, absolutely. You've got to play your sick tunes. Yeah, you've got to have fat beats. Yeah, you're a sick son of a bee, you know. It's a real head-turner when you're going down the road you're playing. What's that one? You like that, Jase, from Savage? Schwing. Schwing, yeah. Did you have the ass chaser when Schwing was out? Oh, hard out. I thought this was a long time ago. You've obviously got – it's going to be fully vinyl wrapped and sign written as well, which is pretty damn cool. It's kitted out. Yeah. Hodaki.co.nz. You can see photos of it up there if you want. Yeah, and we're going to call it the Ass Blaster, eh, Jase?

46:34Jase:Oh, yeah, totally. What, the boat? Yeah. No, the audience gets to name the boat. That's the whole idea. I thought it was our boat. Oh. Can we name it something else? The Ass Blaster's good.

46:46Keyzie:I don't think it'd get better than that, Keezy. What about Backboat? The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

47:04Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's a big show done and dusted this Wednesday evening on the podcast outro today. What's the clip you've got there, Keezy? Today on the podcast, we talked about Jase's fatos.

47:17Jase:Well, it's like waking, you know, smorg from the hobbit, that dragon, from its slumber. Deep slumber. Yeah, yeah. It takes a long time to wake up because it's been asleep for a hundred years. A pile of dog squad money. Paid in gold bullion. That's pretty accurate, AJs.

47:36Keyzie:Yeah, scaly old P. Yeah, my scaly old dude. Hey, Mogey, what a lovely night. Oh, yes. What do you think you'll be doing with it? I'm going to the theatre. Oh, that's right, yes. What are you saying? The theatre. What's this? What are we doing?

47:54Jase:The theatre. I've never been to the theatre, Chris. No, is this what people at the theatre sound like? The theatre. I don't even know what I'm saying. Oh, that's weird. So that'll be good. You don't even know the name of it? Well, I've got an agency. You're not in it, Keezy, this play, but somebody on our books is. Wow. So go along to that. I think it's Lara, and I think it's also other people in there. Possibly Tom Sainsbury. Oh, wow. Possibly. I think it's Motion Dynamo, which is a dance troupe, a comedy dance troupe. I'm pretty sure that's what's going on. Is it the Christmas one? Yes. It's the Christmas one.

48:35Jase:My wife wanted to go to that. Oh, well, I'll tell her what it was like. I'm just kidding. She's coming with me.

48:40Keyzie:A comedy dance troupe. is like my worst nightmare. But I'm sure it'll be great. Hey, Keezy. Jase, you're my agent. If I was to get into a play, would you come watch like Mike is? Of course I would, Keezy. Of course I would. Knowing that you'll never get into a play. But listen, what are you eating tonight, man? I need to know, Keezy. I've been really disappointed lately. Tonight I'm making chicken burgers and chips.

49:11Jase:How do you feel about that? That's the sort of shit you make around your house, Jase. Yeah. Except they had chips.

49:17Keyzie:Yeah, we had burgers and no chips. I was fuming. Yeah, we've got chips, man. We're doing pretty well. Yeah, good on you. Chips, what are you having tonight, man? Oh, you gave me two halves money. See you tomorrow. See you.