FULL SHOW: Sperm-Boy and the Jizz

21:22This is when I'm by myself, these are the boys I turn up nice and loud in my lounge. Can you explain to me how you're able now? That's Deftones. What's it called? Hole in the Earth. Nice. I was going to go sex tape Love that song That would have been a better choice in my opinion Yeah Whatever man Okay Get the people to side pugs Asterisk for you Easy Dilly what do you go for? Right for my one No elaborate backstory It's literally called Self vs. Self By Pendulum

22:07It's not just Pendulum Who else is on there? I can't remember who it's featuring Melis Pendulum featuring someone Asterisk

22:17Chase you can't just start throwing out asterisks Before we even have a winner Okay Alright I went for darts This is paradise

22:43All right, that's enough of that. Let's go to the people. G'day, Hayden, your massive backbone. How's life? Oh, it's just wonderful. Good on you. Good on you, mate. What are you running with today, Hayden? I'm going with pendulum, please. Yeah, great choice. Great choice, Hayden. Whatever, man. Whatever. G'day, Hayden. G'day, Alan, your mad bastard. How's life? Pretty good, thanks, Jase. Yourself? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. Good. What are you running with there, Alan? Well, a couple of woundoos and one that absolutely slaps, and I'm also going for Pendulum. Oh, Dilly gets his win on the thrubber.

23:18Dilly's on the board. He's on the board. Look at that. Hey, thanks for your call, Alan. Yeah, whatever, Alan. He's gone. Jeez. You want to give him an asterisk? Alan, the caller? Yes, I do. Yeah, sweet. Well, I guess I'll just have to listen to my tunes in my car and in my house. I think that's what everyone wants, yeah. Pendulum. Pendulum. Come on, man. Well done, Dilly. Thanks, mate. You earned it. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Keezy. Well, there you go, your Friday thrubber pendulum. Big Dilly gets his first win. First win for you. First win points on the board. Well done, mate.

24:01I'm proud of you. Thanks, guys. What's the score at the moment there, Pugson? The score currently sits as such. We've got Horty Jizz out in front on eight. And rightly so. with one asterisk, and rightly so. Closely followed by Mogi on seven. Keezy on six with two asterisks. I don't know why. And then you've got Pugs. I think one of his songs was racist. Yeah, that's usually how it goes. Pugs on four, and then Dilly on one. Yes. Now, fellas, just between us, just between the three of us here, let's want to have a little chitty chat about the fact that you won that. Dilly, and well done, man. Thanks, man.

24:42What a tune. Okay, it's a bit late for that. That's not what you were saying. What a tune, man. God, your taste in music is just awesome. Ease up. Thanks, man. But it just feels to me like you winning is a bit of a waste. You reckon I'm just stealing a point away? Yeah, I mean, it's like a point that's not going to mean anything in the context of the overall picture. And I, I mean, we get on pretty well, eh, Big Dilly? Oh, I see what you're doing here. And I'm just between the three of us, because I've never won, you know, the Tromper for the year, that maybe you are contemplating handing that victory to Hoere J.

25:28And we'll go for it. I'm having to pay for it. Okay, now we're talking. Like$10 or so. Actually,$5, the$5 you owe me, Pugs, you could give that to Dilly. Tell me I didn't have to pay that. And also I can taste the desperation in your voice. Jase, come on, man. Dilly, I don't. I want you to keep your points because it's quite a ceremonious thing that you've won yourself a throbber. I think it's really important. It might be my only win, and I want it just to sit there and stand the test of time. I don't think it'll be your only win, man. I reckon you're going to win heaps more. Thanks, man. So if you want somewhere else to put that point.

26:02There we go. I'm sensing an alternative. I'm just kidding. I'm not going to win. I've only got four. I just feel like with everyone else's scores and you having won, it makes you look like a bit of a loser. And I don't want people thinking about that, especially since you're thinking that way about you, particularly given that you're single. And there might be someone out there listening right now going, oh, Dilly's only got one point. He can't have very good taste in music. You know what I'm saying? Fellas? Text here on 3483. Dilly, tell him to stick a suggestion up as hoity Janus. Noted. Well done The Hauraki Big Show With Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Keezy Billy Idol there on the radio Hauraki Big Show I saw there Pug Son Yeah Your lovely partner brought you a piece of cake She did It's just sitting on my desk out there in the office Didn't bring me a piece of cake Why do you think that is Jase?

27:03She knew I was working with you Do you think it might be because you called her wacky on the podcast outro today? You think it might have something to do with that, man? I said her clothes were wacky. Yeah, you did. Which is a compliment. Sure, and she's taken it as one too. Yeah, man. Now, we had an announcement earlier in the show that the big show is heading back on the road. We're going to the capital to celebrate Bear Vana, but this time we're not going to be at the Bear Vana Festival. We are doing a warm-up, sort of a party thing. Yes. At Parrot Dog in Lyle Bay on Thursday. the 21st of August, the whole Big Show team is going to be flying down.

27:39Finally. It's going to be absolutely massive. Knock off work early. Come on, Dan, grab yourself a backbone tea, et cetera, et cetera. Parrot Dog and Welly. All that jazz, man. So true. Hey, now, obviously the fellas are away, and we've been trying to think of a temporary name for Jason Pugsan. Yeah, the placeholder's been the Horaki Big Chode, which we came up with. Which has kind of grown on me, to be honest. I think it's been a really, really nice little holder. Yes. Yeah. But a lot of people have made suggestions. Yes, and to name a few, I mean, they were rolling in today. Dog Roll and the Flea.

28:17Obviously, I'd be the Dog Roll. Obviously, man. Someone else said the Semi Hard Show, which is so inaccurate. Eh, Jase? I reckon. A few more here on the Instagram post. Honker and the Big Stonker. The Shit Show, Hoyt and his used Connie, which feels really good. But we've sort of been deliberating. It was never a case of votes. It was just one that we felt that we identified with. Yeah, well, that explained us best. 100%. Now, the winner, so the name that we choose, the person who came up with that is going to get themselves$100 in Reburger vouchers. It's our biggest Reburger giveaway to date, I would say.

28:55Yes, how good. And I'll also make up a couple of stings to fly for the next week while we're here. Yeah, nice. For our final week together, Pugs Hunt. 100%. So, do you want to reveal what the name's going to be? Let's do it, man.

29:20You don't mind if I vape while this is going on, do you? I do, actually.

29:32Chase Should we say it at the same time? No Oh Sad Seriously how long does this go on for? Oh yeah here we go it's done Oh okay Well the name that wins the prize That we felt Summed us up best And we're going to roll with for the next week without getting approval from the boss. And it is Spoon Boy and the Jizz.

30:11I'm not going to let that one play for 40 seconds. That is a banger, eh? It is a banger. I was confused by Spoon Boy at the start because that's never really been applied to me in any case. You've been hoity jizz for a minute now. It doesn't surprise me that you've been called sperm boy. I mean, you're at the peak of your powers at the moment. The peak of my powers. Now, what do you mean by that? Well, I just mean you're a fit, healthy young fellow. Could you say virile, Jase? Well, I wouldn't go that far because you wear those weird hats, which kind of ruins the visage. It's not really ruining the sperm boy factor, though, is it?

30:49No, I clearly not. Now, we'll get in touch with the person that came up with that name and we'll get them their$100 Reburger voucher. Thanks to everyone who participated. We appreciate it. Great stuff. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Keezy. Pearl Jam this glorious Friday afternoon. Now, we're very aware of the fact that so many people. You love saying that. Every single time we've done this, you've gone, we're very aware. You know, people are missing the feelers. Yeah, and we are. And we're missing the fellas, and so we're going to play the odd best bit from years past, Pug-san.

31:26The odd one in every show twice a show. Yeah, yeah. Just to fill up some content. Yeah, totally, man, totally. Now, this one was an absolute doozy. It's actually a two-parter, a little special for your Friday there. This was a crime that was committed in the Horeki studio a couple of years ago now, I want to say 2023, early 2023. I think so. I'd only been in the job in a few months, and Keezy's wife did some baking for the show, which she would have already been worried about, given the fact that you called her cake dry when she first baked the cake for the show. Well, can we be clear here? It was Mogi that called it dry.

32:01Yeah, sure. Anyway, she brought in some lolly cake. But it was. We brought in some lolly cake. She brought in some lolly cake bullos, and then they went missing. This is breaking news. use the great bullos mystery. Just if you're joining us, Keezy's lovely wife made us all some, what are they, lolly cake balls. I had one of them. Lolly bullos. I'm the only one at this stage that has had one of them. Delicious, by the way. Really, as I say, the best balls I've ever put in my mouth. And all of a sudden the others have gone missing. They were sitting on Keezy's desk. He's left the room. He's come back in and they've disappeared it off his desk.

32:45He is accusing either Jason or myself. He says Pugs is not part of it. He doesn't think he is I mean there's been a bunch of texts that have come through on 3483 saying that Keezy stole the Bulls himself and is absolutely forgotten because he's so steamed. Mogi can I just put it to Keezy? You say he went out of the room and that's when it happened. When did you notice Keezy that your Bulls were gone? This is you're so my number one suspect Hoity J, because honestly, you are. I'm just saying, when did you notice your bullos were gone? Just then I tried to give Pugs one of my bullos, and I went to grab them and they were not there.

33:29You just went to grab your bullos. I went to grab my bullos, give one to Pugs, eat one myself. They weren't there. I then looked around the room at you two, who in the past have done, like for example, I was heating up a pie once in the microwave. Hoity J thought it would be funny to just stop it as soon as I'd put it in and just leave it off. so I went to check it and it was cold still. Right, so he's got a history of being a backbone. Yes. We put it to the people on 3483, Mogey. I mean, what's the consensus? There's been a lot of texts come through here. This one says, Hoere J definitely took them.

33:58He's very defensive. No, I'm not. This one says, Check Hoere J's humongous nasal cavity. There'll be 20 in there. This one says, Keezy will have them and be trying to stitch you up. Thank you. This one says, Definitely hoity ate the bullos. It's as plain as the massive nose on his face. My nose is getting a pounding. Oh, it's not good, is it? Yeah, no. And is trying to pin it on you two innocent bystanders. Yeah, I mean, it's sort of along those lines. Look, nobody thinks it's me. Which could make this the perfect crime. Very interesting. Well, someone here is accusing me of dropping them in the toilet after going for a steamer.

34:42Oh, that's true, yeah. Apparently I had them and then ate them and then forgot because I'm always steamed. Or that you scoffed them and you're too ashamed to admit it. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? What I don't want to happen, fellas, is for it to sort of, you know, lead to a deterioration in our relationship. Oh, no, absolutely not. You know, because, you know, I like to think we trust each other here and, you know, big call, big call. I mean, I don't know how we're going to get to the bottom of it because somebody has taken them. Yes. So it's going to require somebody to just own up. Can I just make the point also?

35:13So how do we get to that point would be my question. Well, how about you just own up right now, we each get a delicious ball and we can move forward. Can I just make the point also? Yeah. Just putting it out there. Yeah. A lot of people out in the office there too that come in and out of this room. No, not today though. Not today. And can I also say maybe all we just say is, look, finders keepers, losers weepers. Who knows? So, Keesley, you've left them lying around. I haven't. They were buying my stuff. Somebody else has found them, and let's just call it quits. Yeah. I think that's fair cop, mate.

35:45Fair cop. Or, okay, because clearly, Jase, you're so guilty right now. So much so that it's actually making me think that it is Mike Minogue. Keesley's all over the show. He is. He's doubting himself, isn't he? Give me back my bullos. I'll tell you what, we're probably going to revisit this after five. Yeah. I think we'll cut. We just got to have a bit of time to think about it. Oh, cool. And old Keezy, I think we've got to get to the point where you put your case together, you think about all the evidence as it stands so far, and then you make your ultimate accusation. That person's going to have to either come clean or tell you to go fish.

36:21Yes, indeed. Drama. Drama amongst the team. I don't know if there's ever been a divide like that on the big show. No. It was huge. Now, we will play the second part of that. In fact, the reveal of who stole Keezy's wife's lollycake bolos after six, eh? Nice. Who's this, man? Blue Oyster Cult. Yeah. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Keezy. Yeah, welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Friday's going along awesomely. You're listening to the Radio Hauraki Big Show, bought to you by Reburger. Seven good times and good food. Dine-in or takeaway Reburger today. Reburger, b****.

37:02Yummy. Nice. And just on that, Reburger's coming to the Bombay's. There's a grand opening happening today. You can find them on Great South Road. If you're in Tarmake, Makoto, heading south for the weekend, stop in at Reburger. How good, man. Get amongst them, get some of those chips that Hoardy Jizz has always gone on about. When is that opening? On Saturday. It's opening today. I might go there tonight, mate. What, you're going to go to the Bombay's? Totally. It's worth it. You live out west. I know. I don't care. Fair enough, man. Is this the Stones? Sure is. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast. Green day there on your Friday evening, but right now it's time for...

37:38The Big Pole.

37:44And this was a big pole that's a particular bugbear for Hoity J. Yeah. And it was an experience I had whilst in our public toilets here with two fellows in separate toilets. Yes. Taking a steamer. Or doing one. Or doing a steamer, right? Because I could see that their pants were down and they were sitting. I wasn't perving at them. Which is weird that you could see that. Well, there's a little gap there. They could have just been sitting and chitty-chatting, man. And they're having a chitty-chat, which is exactly my point, whilst going for a steamer. And you took umbrage with that in a public toilet where other people would be there, exposed to their chat and steamers at the same time.

38:31And then I referenced the fact that I've known people throughout my life who are chat steamers. Steamer chatters? Steamer chatters. You know what I mean? Who have no issue whatsoever with even just leaving the door open while they're doing it and chatting away to you. And that just crosses an invisible line. line. I don't even know what the line is. All I know is while you're doing that filthy act, I don't want you talking to me. I think some people would argue that it's a completely natural act and something that everybody does regardless of who you are. And so if you're both doing it at the same time, you're both vulnerable.

39:10You're both doing something terrible and filthy at the same time. You're on the same level of filthy. No, no, pugs. You know what I mean? And I can tell you in my case, it's not healthy and fine. Alright? Whatever happened in three perfect tubes. Well, they're still going strong. I'm glad, man. So we put it to a big poll. What's the results? Because I'm picking. Here we go. Because you went on your phone just before and you were like, oh, I can't remember what I was supposed to do on my phone. You could have been looking at the results. I promise you, cross my heart. Okay. That I didn't look at the results.

39:39What's your prediction? 60 % no. No Steamer Chat. You definitely looked at your phone. Steamer Chat. Chatting while doing a steamer, 61 % no. But that means there's a filthy 39 % that say yes. That's right. There's 39 % of pugsans out there who love a chitty chat. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed, Kings of Leon there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Friday night. Sorry, the what? Oh, sorry. the Horaki Big Chode. Yeah, nice. My bad. Well, no, it's not going to be that now, is it? No. We're going to have a new winner. We are. I'm going to make a couple of stings up for Monday, I reckon.

40:30Yeah. Yeah. Hot, man. Speaking of which, I did as I said yesterday, and I bought myself some spicy dumplings for dinner. That's right, because your wife left you. Yes, she's left me. And she's taken the kid to Melbourne. Yes. So you're living the bachelor life at the moment, hence the throbber theme, et cetera, et cetera. And you were very excited for your bachelor meal, Jase. Getting some takeaways dropped off. You got them delivered? I got them delivered. Took an hour. Wasn't happy about that. But that's okay. I didn't have anything else on. But that's because you live out in bummed. Yeah. Nowhere.

40:59Yeah, in the middle of nowhere, pretty much. But I also ordered them extra spicy. I didn't know you could do that because I've been to this particular restaurant before. I love the dumplings and I always get the spicy sauce ones. Did not know you could ask for extra hot. Yeah, well, it has a little list down there in terms of, you know, how hot you want it. All right. So I got a serious burn on, absolutely delicious, but paid a heavy toll this morning. A heavy toll. And can I just say. Yeah. That I'm glad I was a bachelor at that point because I would have been ashamed because I even used the sort of my second toilet where I do my dumps.

41:38I was going to ask. Yeah. And I was so disgusted by it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I disgusted myself. That's how much of a toll I paid. I'm surprised because your wife doesn't allow you to do your poos in the en suite bathroom. Yes, that's right. And encourages you to use the second bathroom. But given that your wife's left you, I assume that you would be going into the en suite. Well, it just felt our en suite is actually quite nice. En suite. And it just felt like I was sullying the place if I did it there. Right. Whereas the other toilet's a bit more grody and broken down. so it feels right to do it in that toilet.

42:13To do your spicy dumpling poos. And can I just say, I finished off the spicy dumplings at lunchtime today. Oh, dear. And I feel myself gurgling away as we speak. We've been here before. We can't do it again. If I have to evacuate suddenly, you'll know why. I'm going to have to do a Keezy. That's so unprofessional. Oh, bit of blondie for you. The Hauraki Big Show with Jason Hoyt, Mike Minogue and Keezy. Yes, indeed, ACDC there on the radio. Hodaki Big Show this Friday night, and it's time for part two of our best bit. Now, this is a special two-parter for a Friday. Obviously, a little bit earlier on in the show, we played out part one of the Lollie Cake Bull Horse mystery, which took over the big show.

42:56It did. It was highly controversial. It was a multi-platform, huge, hugely scrutinised issue in the media when Keezy's Lollie Cake Bull Horse was stolen from right next to him on the desk. So this is the part where we go through the final accusations and then eventually reveal via footage who took the bolos. This is Breaking News. You're welcome back to the big lolly cake bolos drama and I believe, Keezy, the jury's in. The jury is in. I've heard the two final statements from both the... What's the word for... Crime suspect. I was going to say defendants. The accused. Yeah. So if you've just joined us, what's happened?

43:42My wife made me some delicious lollycake balls, brought them in, one for each of us. Hoity J ate one, then the rest went walkabout. Yeah. The last two. The last two were stolen. Now, I've heard accusations, no, sorry, statements from both of you. And since then, Pugs has gone through the security cameras and has the footage of who actually stole them. That is a bit of a shambles that it didn't occur to anyone earlier to check that. It is. We're always filming. Is that true, Pugs? Have you been through the surveillance cameras, have you? I have been through the surveillance cameras. I happen to be recording, and I've been piecing it together.

44:16Okay, interesting. And so, Pugs, what's it like knowing who the guilty party is? I can't describe the euphoria that came over me when I saw the incident. Okay. Well, okay. All right, final accusation. Yeah. Now, but no. So, first of all, you. Yeah. You are so close to being guilty that you're the best at lying about whether or not you've done something. You're the best at backing out of a snack bet when you've clearly broken the rules. You're not making a lot of eye contact with me today. I don't know whether I'm, you know, I don't know what that's about. And also, you are the 2019 Actor of the Year.

44:57That's true. Jase doesn't have the chops for that. That's true. You know what I mean? Both true. Absolutely. Absolutely. Also, the other thing, I know you've put yourself on a social media ban. So I can see you getting a bit bored in the studio now and wandering around and stealing my lolly cake volos. So that's my thoughts against you. Now you, Hoody J. You have some pretty harsh word famine, don't you think? Hang on, you have a massive history of wandering around the studio behind me and doing weird stuff, picking stuff up, putting it down somewhere else. You've also got a history of while I'm trying to microwave a pie, taking it out again, leaving it on the bench so it's cold.

45:41Little pranks like that. You hid my pie once. Oh, what about that cake one? Oh, yeah, and also last week he dropped Pugs' birthday cake on the ground, didn't tell anyone. Yeah, what was that about, man? That was a shocker. That seems personal. Excuse me, Mr. Speaker. I did tell you about it. Yeah, a week later. Nine hours on the day after. So, having weighed up all the options. I would like to officially accuse of stealing my lollycake balls. I'm going to go with the text machine as well and the votes on the Instagram page. Hoity J, you are the guilty party. How say you? Guilty. I knew it. I absolutely knew it.

46:31You also accused way more people than I did. And can I just make the point, can I make the point too, that they're in my bag, but you went and had a little touch of and had a little look at. I've never seen somebody who was guilty of something act so guilty. He was throwing accusations out left, right and centre. Every chance he could, he was pointing fingers. Yeah, I tell you what. Pugs, I understand you do have the footage, right? I do have the footage. So you'll chuck that up on the Horaki Big Show Instagram? I will. And if you want to see the exact moment, old sticky fingers Hoyt. Can I just ask, is it definitive?

47:13Let me say this. I thought it wasn't because the cake bowlers were sitting right on the edge of the frame and they just get snatched out. But then at the same time in the video footage, Minogue's walking in the opposite direction, Keezy's not in the room, and you can see in the reflection of that window across from me, your little grey jersey. Yes! It's loosing. And his massive schnoz.

47:41Oh, yes, indeed. Good times, Pugs-san. Good times. We almost lost the big show that day. You see, this is the thing. I always forget that there's cameras on. Yeah. So, you know, when I do steal and lie and stuff, I tend to get found out pretty quickly. Same with your weird and gross vaping. I don't do that, man. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast.

48:09Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's your Friday show done and dusted. And hats off to you, Pugson. You're doing two jobs at the moment. You're a backbone, mate. Honestly, I appreciate it. I appreciate you appreciating it, but also it's more, it's one in a bit because I've got my good mate Dillian Studio B. Yeah, he's done a great job too. He's doing two jobs because he obviously runs the digital stuff at Hauraki and he's doing the big show producing Studio B. So it's a team effort to get this going. It is. But sort of like you're just doing your usual effort. Sort of half-arsing it, eh?

48:39Hey, in the podcast outro today, I found out some more stuff about Pugs. That was kind of shocking. Is it strange that that completely changed my opinion of you? For the better or worse? That along with a vibrating ball pouch. Things are changing in my head about you, Pugs-san. What's going on, Matt? I thought you were this lovely, gentle, jolly fellow. I thought we'd be closer if I opened up to you, Horty Janus. And now I'm finding out you're just a bit of a poor. Am not. Well, I found out today that Pugsun shaves his genitalia. Okay. Wet shave. Save it for the podcast outro, man. And we learned earlier, you know, that you took the vibrating ball pouch home.

49:26You're a bit of a sicko, as Moggy would say. And as I say, genuinely, I thought you were a really sweet, sort of lovely fellow, but you are a bit of a perv. And what I'm learning is that I thought I could trust you, Jase. You totally can trust me. It's just that my opinion of you has changed. Oh, and would you look at this? The person you called wacky on the podcast has just turned up. You want to face her, man? Oh, dear. She's not so wacky today. Oh, cool. We'll let her know. Hey, make sure you check out the podcast. Make sure you check out the Instagram. Have a fantastic weekend, New Zealand, and we'll see you Monday.

50:00Bye.