FULL SHOW: The Auction

13:13Yeah. Yes.

13:19Fellas. Do we get rid of that? What? It's just an idea. Do we get rid of that bit at the start? We all go, yeah.

13:24Keyzie:You know, the boss has been saying, you know, refresh, look at stuff anew. Maybe it's time to ditch a few things. Maybe it's time to bring some new stuff in.

13:33Jase:But I love that part. That's the best part. We did a live show. Everybody does it along with us. They get it. That's the thing. They get it. Yeah, okay. They get it. Trust us, Keezy. Trust us. The boss doesn't go to the live shows. If the boss was at the live shows, he'd see, man. People love it. Yeah, true. They get it. Also, the boss hasn't said specifically get rid of that part. I'm suggesting it. Oh, you are. Oh, right. Yeah, right. You've got some crazy ideas sometimes, Keezy. You're a wacky bastard, mate. Oh, guilty. Hey, fellas. I've got one of those Samsung televisions and they come for some reason with their own whole lot of channels.

14:06Oh, Samsung TV is on there. Televisions there.

14:08Jase:It's got Samsung TV on it.

14:09Keyzie:Don't tell me that they've got safety features as well.

14:12Jase:Well, they've got 24... They've got airbags. I haven't found any yet. But they've got 24-7 at the moment. 30 Rock is one of the channels. It's just 24-7 30 Rock. And another one is 24-7 Come Dine With Me, which I absolutely loved. around about 15 years ago. It's out of the UK, and it's five people. As a rule, the version I like is five strangers cooking dinner for each other on consecutive nights. Whoever gets the best score wins. You have to do an entree, a main, and dessert, and then you give a score, and they throw together a pretty, you know, you can imagine the sorts of people that sort of join these things.

14:53Jase:You win 1 ,000 pounds. So in New Zealand, that's$1 ,000. They've got the worst prizes on those. There's such a shit hole. Those UK game shows are so bad, like The Chase. Well, there's so many of them. They love The Chase. It's like you can win six grand. Yay. Between four of you. Exactly. But this thing is bloody hilarious, and the reason why it's hilarious is, one, because of the people they have on it, but that would mean nothing if it wasn't for the narrator, Dave Lamb, who mocks every single person on it. It's not super, super mean, but it's just mean enough to really, really tickle my undercarriage there.

15:29Jase:I absolutely love it. If you can find it anywhere, do it. I imagine there's a thousand episodes on YouTube. It is five buzies out of five. Wow.

15:40Keyzie:Five buzies. I remember it well. I really, really love it. Yes, I remember watching that quite a lot. It does come under this sort of type of television show where you've learnt nothing but you've been entertained for an hour.

15:49Jase:Fully entertained. Now, it's not five buzzies as compared to The Sopranos or anything like that, but for what it is, that brand of cheap reality TV, I have just been sitting there watching it for like two or three hours. Nice. Over the holidays, I did that, and it was great.

16:05Keyzie:Sounds like the sort of show perfect for you and your wife, Kesey. 100%. In fact, I think she does quite enjoy that show. Yeah. But I've tried to put a stop to the amount of just like these kinds of shows that we watch. Their name. Yeah. Get into some more saucy stuff, maybe. 100 % man. Went onto the TVNZ Plus app the other day, tried to fire up Grand Designs to find that we'd watched every single episode. Yeah, that's embarrassing. It is. And I was just like, what are we doing with our lives watching just this stuff? Where's the good stuff? Yeah, man. And then we watched The Amazing Race. Oh, okay.

16:37Yeah, what did you watch, James?

16:38Keyzie:Fellas, I had one of those situations yesterday where my wife had gone to rehearsal. It was pissing with rain. I was just flicking through the television going, oh, I don't know. I don't know, man. And so I've got a theory now. I go back onto all the old movies that were really good in their day, and I just re-watch one of those. Yesterday I watched Schindler's List. Wow, I've never seen that. Good movie. Good movie. Good, solid, great performance. Liam Neeson, of course. Very, very good in it. Ben Kingsley, a very sad story, but also a very inspiring story. I'll give it a solid 3.5 buzzies. Do you reckon my wife would like it?

17:18Jase:You're a hard marker, man. What is that skin? Three and a half? Schindler's List. My God.

17:26Keyzie:3.7 then. No, there's some pretty full-on stuff in it. Easy and I've got it upset.

17:32Jase:I've only watched it once. That was enough. Right, okay. So just confirming. Come dine with me. Five buzzies out of five. Wherever you can get it. Schindler's List. 3.7 buzzies out of five.

17:43Keyzie:Oh, bit of tenacious D to finish off the hour foulers. Why not? The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Tenacious D there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this blustery Monday afternoon. Now, plenty coming up after five o 'clock, including Keezy talking us through his hot date on the Friday night. Fellas, I don't know if you know this, but I'm moving. So I've got some stuff to give away. To be a man. To auction. To auction. Yeah, well, I'm not going to give it away. Don't give it away. I mean, you know, I want people to pay me for it. So you're using our radio show to sell off your old stuff?

18:19Pretty much, yeah. Smart. Yeah, makes sense. Also, I've got a great idea for you in your move, Jase. Yes. That's something I'd like to pitch to you after five as well.

18:26Keyzie:Sounds good, man. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Monday afternoon. You're listening to The Big Show brought to you by Rebig Year. Serving good times and good food, dine-in or takeaway re-burger today. And if I could just direct your attention to this next slide, you'll see that re-burger is serving both good times and good food, and that's whether or not you dine-in or takeaway re-burger today. And if you just look at this next slide, you'll see that it's... Yeah! I'm actually just looking at Pugs in Studio B here.

19:14Keyzie:He looks bored out of his ass. Come in, Pugs. Come and say g'day, mate. Come on. I don't want you to sit there and be lonely by yourself and just bored all the time. Okay, well, if Pugs is coming into the studio, we have to play the new Pugs sting. Yes. Ooh, it's Pugs.

19:33Hey.

19:35Keyzie:Hi, Pugs. How are you going? Yeah. I'm well, thanks, Jase. How are you? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. Hey, thanks for having me. Thanks for inviting me in. Yeah, I'm pretty hungry in there. Yeah, yeah. You're going to get some chips, man. Well, look, I've already investigated the chip situation, fellas. There's one packet left in one box, and I can't steal that. And it's a flavour I don't actually like. Right. We also have a scenario of lots of other boxes of chips, but unopened. Ooh. So it's one of those. Mogey did suggest to me that I do it from underneath. Yeah. And that way they'll never know.

20:07Keyzie:Well, that's right. You're talking about the ACC and their stash of chips that are for prizes that you steal on a daily basis. Yeah, pretty much. Hey, Pugs, good to have you in the studio, though, man. Thanks for that. Ooh, it's Pug Zone. Thanks, fellas. You guys are in a bit of a sting war at the moment, are you? A sting war? What do you mean? What do you mean?

20:27Jase:He doesn't realise that was made by Pugs. Pugs made that. Oh, I thought you made that. No, Keezy asked me to make that. Can you play the Bird Shit Chris one? No, because the song started down there. Well, not, kind of. The song has started. Don't make me pause the song just to play Bird Shit, Chris. Go on. All right, fine, I'll do it. Bird Shit, Chris. Heavy? Here's me. Such a radio no-no, man. Jeez. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

20:58Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Pearl Jam there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. Oh. Hey, fellas. Friday night. Anyone listening will remember that I went on a bit of a hot date. Date night. Yeah, man. With my wife. There was a lot of speculation as to who I was going with. I can confirm it as my wife of three years. And went to a lovely restaurant, lovely Italian restaurant here in Auckland. Very pricey, very pricey.

21:30Jase:But you had a gift certificate. You had a voucher. I didn't have a gift certificate. Do you go in there with it and you sort of go, hi. I've got a gift certificate. I've got a gift certificate. Do I give it to you now or later? How does it work? I walk in. Yes. And I say, hey, just so you know, I've got coupons. Yes. Yeah, good.

21:49Keyzie:Can I ask, before you kick off the sexy date, Keezy, did you go as Keezy? Because there was a thought of going as different people and pretending like you're just meeting up for the first time. Yeah, a bit of role playing. I ran up by my wife. She was like, nah. Can't be bothered. She's like, nah, let's just go as us. Let's get it done.

22:08Jase:Get it over and done with us. Let's get it over and done with us, she said. Let's just spend the coupon before it expires. What are you wearing, by the way? So I'm wearing shorts and a button-up shirt, blue and white. Shorts? Yeah. At a fancy restaurant. Wow. That's a big call. Well, I'm not trying to dress to be... To impress because you're already married, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm trying to dress to impress, but I'm not trying to dress to be fancy. This is just the clothes that I wear when I go out for dinner. Right.

22:33Keyzie:Especially with your bony-ass legs as well. Sorry, I have bony legs. But anyway. No, let's drill down on that. No, okay. But we had a$240 voucher, right?

22:47Jase:$240. That's$120 each because you got this from a couple because you emceed a wedding as a couple. They've given you this gift certificate. That's right. So it's essentially$120 each. Exactly. It's not a gift certificate. It's a voucher. Something weird about the word gift certificate. $240, right? So we order an entree, a burrata, cheese. Yeah, a little bit of cheese there. Some bread. Bread. A carafe of Chianti. Oh, really? Chianti of red. Which is a Tuscan red. Oh, right.

23:18Keyzie:Okay. The wife gets a Prosecco. We then order it. It's a celebration.

23:24Jase:Not champagne, but, you know, a couple of bubbles in there always livening things up.

23:27Keyzie:Especially when there's no chat going on. It's a bit awkward. Yeah, yeah. Just to leave yourself, Jesus, look at those shorts. Yeah. Those spindly little legs. Jase, you can't make fun of me having spindly little legs, man. Come on. You've literally got the smallest legs I've ever seen in the world. Anyway, we then order our mains, which is like a delicious pasta. By the way, Jase recommended I get a pasta from this place because it's one of his favourite restaurants. $48.

23:55Jase:Yeah. Did you get it? No. That's like... Jase, you see what I'm saying here? Yes. Here's a guy who walks into a restaurant. He's the king of the world. He's got a gift certificate in his back pocket. No, my shorts don't have a back pocket. If you're ever going to have a$48 pasta, is now not the time to have it when you're up to your eyeballs in gift certificate? I was cooped up. Couponed up. Yes. That's the time to have it. When you'd never buy it, you'd never spend your own money on it. Let's splash it, we'll splash it out. But it was a seafood pasta, and I'm not into it. And I said to Luce, I was like...

24:32Jase:Oh, not a seafood. No, I agree. You don't like fish. And I was like, to Luce, I was like, do you want to get that? Pat J said, it's really nice. And she said, wow,$48.

24:39Keyzie:He must be rich. Scampi it was. It's a scampi pasta, Moggy, just to clarify. Well, I don't pay. Why not? Because they just like me being in the restaurant because I'm a top radio DJ. It's good for business to see people like me, celebs-kisi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I dined for free there. I got a mane. Yeah. It was like a lamb. I got a pasta. We then got, we took our time, chose a dessert, right? We chose the like tiramisu-y type thing and then took our, asked for the bill, went up to the main counter. It was very filling, Bogie. Very filling. Thank you. Yeah.

25:15Jase:Did you have to undo the belt on your shorts? No, no. It has a drawstring.

25:28Keyzie:Oh, boy.

25:33Anyway, long story short, we got up to the counter and it was exactly$240. Wow. And the guy was like, oh, and I was like, we've got a$240 voucher. He's like, okay, it's$240 on the nose. And then I was like, it's not intentional. We did not try. And he's like, sure, man. All right, have a nice night. And he made us feel terrible.

25:54Keyzie:Well, then Keezy Ramy, because the guy said to him, he said he had the audacity to ask for a tip. I was like, not in your nelly, mate. Then he squeezed on his drawstring and pulled his pants tight. Yeah, that's what happened.

26:08Jase:Anyway, it was a good date. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, that's interesting, isn't it? Because from their point of view, the money, they've already had that income like months ago. Yes. So it feels like they've actually lost money. Yes. Gutted. So it's good not to flag the gift certificate up front. Yeah. because they might give you worse food or worse service. Smart Keezy. It's not your first free meal, is it, bro? Nah, man. But I was ready to pay. Like, I got my wallet out of the side pocket of my cargo shorts. That's a first. The Hodaki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hodaki.

26:43Keyzie:Yes, indeed, Foo Fighters there on the Radio Hodaki Big Show this Monday afternoon. Now, fellas, this is the last week for old Hoody Jay and the house he's been living in for over 26 years. Oh, man. Wow. Pretty emotional. You moved in when you were 12, eh? Yeah, yeah. I did a milk run as a young fella. Got the deposit together. And got the deposit together and invested wisely, Keezy. Nice. No flash restaurants with little shorts for me. And I tell you what, as previously mentioned, there's a lot of stuff you build up over 26 years. That's true. There's a lot of shit. Resentment. Oh, yeah, yeah.

27:22Keyzie:Oh, yeah, I mean, certainly there's some resentments there. Certainly. Yeah. And there was some unveiling of things I'd rather weren't unveiled, you know what I mean? Some, yeah, secret stashes and stuff. Really? No.

27:34Jase:Those dead geckos underneath the old rug.

27:36Keyzie:Yeah, oh, yeah, the dead geckos under the rug there. The skinks. God, that was heinous. But we've actually ended up with heaps of stuff, and my wife and I are in that really strange position of, do we just biff this or put it on Trade Me? And I thought, well, hang on. I don't want to just throw all this stuff away because it's good stuff. And as Kesey was saying the other day, he's got these old pair of crutches. They might be of use to people. Yeah, right. And so I thought, why don't I go on air and make the offer to the people, and there might be people on 3483 that are interested. What's some of the stuff you've got?

28:09Why don't you hit us with some of your stuff?

28:10Keyzie:Well, I've got a half a bottle of shampoo and conditioner. Oh, what brand? It's a good brand. Oh, Johnson & Johnson.

28:20Jase:Oh, Johnson & Johnson. They're one of the big ones. Yeah, totally, mate. If it was Pantene Pro-V, I would have taken it off your hands. No, Johnson & Johnson. Anti-Zandra if you need, eh, Kezi?

28:28Keyzie:But look, there's a good half bottle there, fellas. There's a good half bottle. Why don't you take that with you to the apartment? Because we're in a city now, so we've changed our brand. Oh, of course. You're going to be on the Swashgoth, are you? Yeah, yeah, Swashgoth. Wait, so because you've moved into the city, you've changed from Johnson & Johnson to Swatskopf. Well, that's real Westy sort of rubbish, isn't it? Yeah, we've got to leave that behind now, Kezi. What do you use, Mogi, out of curiosity?

28:52Jase:Oh, I don't use anything. None at all? No, it's just all natural, man. Really? It's all just natural stuff. Just a bit of, what do you call that, bar soap stuff there. Oh, yeah, good stuff.

29:01Keyzie:A few pubes in there. $30 or near offer. Oh, yeah. For half a bottle of shampoo.

29:07Jase:And conditioner. Well, that sounds pricey, but it has seen you naked. Thank you.

29:15Keyzie:On that front, actually, having seen me naked, I've got a black dilly. Hardly used. 80 bucks, O-N-O.

29:25Jase:Oh, or near offer. Yeah, yeah. Well, the good thing about that is you can say one careful old man owner.

29:32Keyzie:That's right. Rarely used. Not completely used. No, no, no. How are you spelling rarely? Like R-E-A-L-L-Y? R-A-R-E-L-Y. Oh, rarely. Rarely. Because that's an important, you know.

29:47Jase:I probably need a wash, though, because you'd have your saliva all over it, wouldn't you?

29:54The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

30:01Keyzie:Harvey Danger there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon and we have breaking news.

30:10This is breaking news. Fellas, red hot news stories just come across my desk. God. and the people of New Zealand need to know about him. Okay. Are you familiar with Geraldine? Yes.

30:24Jase:Geraldine Brophy? Geraldine Brophy. No, it's a town in the South Island. Oh, okay, yeah. Did you think it was Geraldine Brophy as well? Yes, I did. No, no, so the town in the South Island near Christchurch there in Canterbury. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where Barker's jams come from. Oh, what a great way to mark it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't entirely sure before, but now... Yeah, like the cordials. Yeah, the marmalades and that.

30:50Keyzie:They do some neat stuff down on the South Island, don't they?

30:53Jase:They really do.

30:54Keyzie:It's very cottagey.

30:55Jase:They do the old lids on the jar there with the rubber band around the top with a little paper on it. Very cute. Oh, that's so quaint. Yeah, so Geraldine... Brophy? No. The town, you idiot. There was a truck crash there, guys. so it's no laughing matter there's a truck crash earlier today State Highway 1 is she alright?

31:23who? Geraldine Brophy no she's fine okay she was driving the truck and she's fine it turns out she's fine but it was on Arundel Belfield Road a what? Arundel Belfield Arundel Belfield Road which is the name of the road by Geraldine the town where Barker's Jam comes from. The truck was carrying portaloos, tipped over, and I quote, hundreds of litres of human portaloos waste has fouled up a main South Island road. There's just poos everywhere.

31:56Jase:Poos and wheeze. Both of those. That's not good. So, yeah, just anyone heading that way? 3 ,000 litres of human waste. 3 ,000 litres, that's a lot. So people just need to be aware.

32:19You guys got any comments on that? We're just leaving something about, oh, you know, like 3 ,000 litres, well, that's one Keezy steamer or something like that. I think this is a bit of a sign for the people of the South Island.

32:34Keyzie:Yes. That it's time to get toilets installed in their houses. Do they not have them down there? No, no. No, it's all portaloos down in the South Island.

32:43Jase:I think if they spend a little bit less time focusing on the jams and shit. Yeah, yeah, the chutneys and the pickle. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know they didn't have toilets down there. No, no.

32:55Keyzie:It's all portaloos. It's all portaloos, man. Do they have power down there?

32:59Jase:Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, they're not completely backwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. That's cool. All run off jennies. Jenny who? Here's the red hot chilli peppers The Hauraki Big Show Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki

33:18Keyzie:LMNOP there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show This Monday afternoon Hey Nobody heard that

33:25Jase:Nah it's good Nah it's good Jase is moving to the city Mike Yes He's leaving his house that he's lived in Way out in West Auckland He's lived there for 26 years 27 27.

33:37Keyzie:26. 26 years. And he's moving into an apartment in the CBD, which is pretty exciting. Yes. Now, one of the things you've mentioned is getting us to help you move. Yeah. How about.

33:48Jase:How about this? Check this shit out. This is an idea I had over the weekend. I'm pretending I know what it is. Yeah, I called Mogey and told him about it. Yeah. Why don't we get the audience to help? Why don't we get the listeners? Yes. Because imagine like 20 listeners in 20 cars. They will give out your home address. They're all lined up right outside on the road, ready to go. You pass two boxes to the first guy. He's off. Next up is a lady. Give her a box. She hoons off to the – and they all go to your apartment, and then the listeners help you move. Do you like the sound of that? We could make a chain of listeners that go all the way from your house in West Auckland all the way to your apartment in the CBDB, and it's just pass the box to the person next to you, that standing chain sort of thing.

34:35Jase:You see, I'm liking that. It means people don't get tired. It means people don't get tired.

34:40Keyzie:Yeah, but then, look, I love that idea. I think that's great. The couch scenario, the couches, that's a big pass along. That's for Moggy's idea, side-to-side idea, but my idea with the different cars. Someone, oh, Tim's here, he's got his Hilux.

34:56Jase:Yes, I think for the furniture you would need, you know, there would be different. You've got lots of tat that you've got in boxes. Yes.

35:03Keyzie:Yeah. So, I mean, once all the stuff is at your new apartment, we could then do a live show. Yes. Speakers, invite the audience in, get Reburger ordered in, and just have a wee bit of a housewarming for you. That's a good idea. What do you reckon? Well, I actually have been contemplating the housewarming and getting the fellas over for, you know, a bit of a break-in. Yeah. I'm thinking a fondue night. Oh, yeah? You know, the old fondue. Yeah. Do you have a fondue set? No. Hey, Mogi, do you remember at the end of last year when Jace invited us all to his mum's place? Hmm. Do you remember that? No.

35:41At the end of last year, I was giving him shit because he was moving out of his house. Yes. And he had never invited us round.

35:46Jase:That's right. And then he said, well, how about this? We go up north to my mum's place. Oh, yes. Oh, my mother-in-law. Mother-in-law, yes. And he was like, oh, this weekend, keep it free, fellas. That's right. And then that came and went and nothing happened. Nothing happened. I remember that. Yeah, because you were busy, Keezy. No, it wasn't. And so was Mogi. No, he was here too. Yeah, I was doing nothing. He was just watching Come Dine With Me. Just something to think about, Jase. Yeah, okay. It would be good. I think it would be good to have the listeners know where you live and where you're going to live.

36:15100%.

36:17Keyzie:Count me in, fellas, if it saves me, dosh. All right, well, do you just want to say your address now and we'll all meet there? 2. 2. Slash 85. Yeah. Honka Street. CBD. The Hodaki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki. Faith no more there on the Radio Hodaki Big Show this Monday evening. Now, listen, plenty coming up after six o 'clock, including I'll carry on with my auction, which Mogi rudely interrupted previously. Yeah, that's all your stuff you're selling from your old house, right? Yes, that's right, mate. and also a bit of meet patty nip action where we give out some advice yeah that's right meet patty nips 69 at gmail.com if you need advice on anything get in touch also fellas don't forget we are giving away a brand new boat this thing is wrapping up shortly how good if you're keen to win it text the word boat to 3483 it is a fin chaser 535 center console it's got a mercury 60 horse 4 stroke it's also got a voyager trailer and a whole lot of other goodies boat to 3483 text it come up with a name for it and you could win that sucker.

37:35The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

37:41Keyzie:Welcome back you massive backbones. Hope your Monday's going along beautifully. You're listening to The Big Show brought to you by Reburger. Beef, chicken, vegan, and vegetarian. Beef, chicken, vegan, and vegetarian options available. Reburger are redefining the norm.

38:03What the heck? I was dreaming about Reburger again. Oh, my God, it was so crave-worthy. But it was gourmet and it was street food. Yum!

38:17Keyzie:Something's just occurred to me, Moggy. A little while back, you purchased glasses. Glasses, yes, I did. And you got the soot, you know, we got to see all the different ranges and stuff. What's occurred to me is I've never seen you wear them.

38:33Jase:No, that's right. I don't need them. Oh, okay. I don't need them for a computer screen or anything like that. The only time it's an issue really is when I wake up in the morning and the eyes aren't quite working yet. I didn't even know that you got to the point where your eyes needed to warm up. Yes. But that's what happens. But I just wait that out. And then the only other time is reading in a newspaper on a Sunday or reading me book or reading a book to my daughter. So those glasses sit beside my bed. Okay. And then other times my wife will hand me her phone and say, this text message has come from blah, blah.

39:04Jase:And I, without even turning my gaze towards her, I just tilt my chin towards the ceiling and say, read it. Yeah. I cannot see, I can't read any of her texts. Really? Has she got it set to the standard size? Absolutely. Which is tiny. What was interesting to me was how tiny it looked, but that's what mine used to be, tiny. And mine looks massive. Yeah, okay.

39:29Keyzie:Okay, well, that makes sense.

39:31Jase:They are, yeah, but, jeez, they're pretty fragile little bastards. I hardly ever touched them, but, yeah, they're still there incredibly. I haven't lost them yet and I haven't broken them yet. Good stuff. Well, Jase, your eyes warm up in the morning too. When we go play early morning golf, he always sometimes will stand at the first tee and look down at the ball and go, God, I can barely see the ball. Yes.

39:49Keyzie:That's actually genuinely true. I'm like very fuzzy in the morning. I was like, what's that about? Exactly, right. It's good to know that your eyes need to warm up, New Zealand. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Blink 182 there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. Now, fellas, as I was saying earlier in the show, I'm moving house, so I've got to get rid of some stuff. And I thought, what a great opportunity, given that I'm doing the radio show, to offer it to the punters out there at just bargain prices. So 3483 and also Pugs has made some auction music, if you'd like that.

40:24Oh, how good.

40:29Jase:This is good, Pugs. That's good, man. Turn that shit off. What's wrong with that song?

40:35Keyzie:So at this point, shampoo and conditioner, half a bottle,$30 or near offer. How much? $30? Yeah. And there was a dilly or something? Black dilly, nine inch, rarely used,$85, O-N-O. Oh, yeah. Seems steep. It's pretty steep, but, you know.

40:55Jase:Yeah, right.

40:56Keyzie:I'm sure it's going to work for someone out there.

40:58Jase:Yeah, that's right.

40:59Keyzie:I was doing some gardening over the weekend, and I found a pile of bricks. 100 bucks, O-N-O. Ooh. How many bricks? Yeah, how many bricks?

41:10Jase:About six or seven. Are they clean, or have I got to chip off all the old deer?

41:14Keyzie:Oh, no, they're covered in filth.

41:15Jase:Yes.

41:15Keyzie:They've got weed, because they've been growing in the garden. Some of them are disintegrating a little bit, but, you know, they'll do the job.

41:22Jase:Right, okay. I might talk to you about those later.

41:24Keyzie:Yeah, no, that's fine. Are they cinder blocks or are they bricks? No, they're bricks. Right, okay. What colour are they? Kind of a tan colour. Oh. But they've got mould and stuff on them as well and a few snails and that kind of thing, a bit of filth, a bit of mould. Yeah. You can scrub that off though, right? Oh, you could probably water spray them. I wouldn't bother. Water spray them? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chainsaw. Oh.

41:44Jase:Is that that one that you couldn't start? Yeah, it doesn't start.

41:46Keyzie:You can go back to Bunnings and get that lady to help you. The very same. Yeah. How much do you want for that? $85, but you'll need to get a chain. Yeah, right. It doesn't have a chain. I don't know what happened to it.

41:57Jase:So it's just a saw.

41:58Keyzie:It's just a saw, essentially, yeah. An eyesore. Bit of a squirt of CRC, Bob's your uncle. And a chain, and it doesn't run. And it doesn't run. And I think there's something wrong with the fuel gauge as well, because it won't even start at the moment. Right. And there's no actual chain on the chainsaw. Right, okay. Yeah. And how much was that one? 80 bucks. Yeah, 80, 90. That's pretty good. On air offer.

42:20Jase:That's pretty good.

42:21Keyzie:Sex swing. The place we're moving to, very high ceilings, fellas. So I don't know. Can't get the sex swing up there. Right. Some bloody good nick. A few stains. Yeah. A few marks. When things got a bit vigorous and it was swinging a bit too violently. Yes. But in terms of its functionality, tickety-boo. Good to go. So how much does a brand new sex swing go for? Oh, probably about$500 to$600. Wow. Yeah, yeah. I'm prepared to let this one go$400 to$500. Far out. That seems like a good deal. How long have you had it? Just strap in and have the time of your life, fellas. That's expensive for a sex swing.

43:01Jase:Well, the thing about it, Kesey, is you've got to look at what it saves you. And it sort of takes all the weight out of it. Strain. It takes all the strain out of it. The gravity. So, yeah, that's right. but it's just a whole load, well, weirdly, a load off. And you'll find that you're able to do those more difficult positions for a lot longer. So it is worth it. Right, okay.

43:29Keyzie:Especially if, like in my scenario, you've got a bit of hang down going on. You know what I mean? I don't know what you mean. What is hang down? Well, just things hanging down that maybe perhaps in the past didn't. Right, okay. Yeah, yeah, yes. Puzzies.

43:45The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

43:51Keyzie:Weezer there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon as we hurtle towards, fellas, the old rugby league season. And with that in mind, the Big Show are going back to magic around an old Brizzy town. That's right, Jase. The 15th to the 17th of May, 2026. every single NRL team except for one playing Is that the same one every year? No one team randomly gets the bye Right Not sure who's this year be worth looking up but it is 15th to the 17th of May all at Suncorp Stadium over three days head to boystrip.co.nz to guarantee your spot it'll include flights, accommodation transfers tickets to all the games and you'll also be at all the same events that we go to Yes when we eventually get our tickets sorted and our prize winners etc I ran into Andrew Webster the other night Oh Webby Yeah yeah yeah

44:40Jase:He was a mad dog. We were coming out of the – it was actually after our hot day. Oh, okay. And we were parked in a downtown car park. So you were horny. We were parked in a downtown car park and went to go down some stairs and then this guy just like bulldozed his way up without looking. Oh, really? So my wife and I stopped and came back out of the stairs and then he went up and then I was like, oh, it's Webby. I was like, g'day, Webby. He's like, g'day, ledge, shook my hand, then walked off. Meanwhile, his wife was waiting down the bottom and was not looking too happy. And then I was like, oh, thanks for letting us through.

45:12She's like, it's all good. Then she walked off. And I was like, oh, that's Andrew Webster, Warriors coach. And then Lucy was like, yeah, he was massively steamed. And his wife was not happy.

45:19Jase:Really? Yeah, but I was stoked because it was like, who doesn't go to the pub, get steamed, and then their wife's a wee bit grumpy? It's just how it goes, man. It's just how it goes, man. It's just how it goes. It was funny, though. That's how you know he's a real backbone. Yeah, I thought he was a backbone. That's backbone shit right there, Jase. I don't do that. No, that's the thing. That's the problem with you, though. Yeah. You don't have a backbone. But yeah, I think based on that interaction, it's going to be a great season for the Warriors.

45:43Keyzie:Oh, it feels good to me, man. And I think I'm correct in saying, fellas, they're playing the Broncos this year, the Warriors, in the Magic Round. Am I right in saying that? You're correct in saying that, man. That's going to be a hell of a game.

45:54Jase:That's very, very good from you. Well, the thing about Magic Round is you sort of know where you're sitting by then, don't you, Keezy? Yeah. Season's been going along well enough, so it could be a really good thing, Jace, or it could be a really bad thing. Either way, we'll have a ripper of a time. Having said that, though, two years ago when we went and the Warriors weren't going very well at all, and then they took on the Panthers on the B side and beat them. Yeah. I would say the C side. The C side? C side. Yeah, it's going to be great. Boystrip.co.nz, get your tickets now, and we'll see you over there.

46:25Boom. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

46:30Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Now, listen, we're being backbones today when the rest of Auckland is taking the day off. We're not. We're here for the people of New Zealand. We love it. And part of that is giving advice to those who are struggling out there. Isn't that right, fellas? That's right. That was Guns N' Roses, by the way. Yeah. Party Nips. 69. At gmail.com. Get in touch. I hate it so much. meetpattynip69 at gmail.com real email address get in touch 100 % anonymous and if we read your question out on the show you get a$50 re-burger voucher this one fellas comes from anonymous g'day fellas something has found its way into my head over the last few years and I'm getting closer and closer to acting upon it but I can't figure out how and that's where you lads come in

47:23Jase:just chat GPT it if you can't work it out nah it's not that the forbidden kiwi skewer A true New Zealand delicacy enjoyed for many hundreds of years before we all came to be. It must be good eaten for it to almost be driven to the point of extinction. The kiwi. Oh, kiwi. Oh, so actual kiwi. Yeah, okay. I thought he was talking about the good old New Zealand skewer as a thing, you know? Like a hot dog. Yeah, like a yes.

47:52Keyzie:Yes.

47:53Jase:Like a skewer, and I was going to say, no way.

47:55Keyzie:I must admit, the last time I went to the zoo and I went to the kiwi house, I was watching them hopping around there thinking, I reckon they would have been pretty good eaten back in the day.

48:05Jase:I've never been to a Kiwi house and seen a Kiwi. I've seen complete darkness. Yes. Possibly the shape of a tree or a boosh. And that's it. I've been ripped off every single time. There are no Kiwis in the Kiwi houses. Generally speaking, that's what happens in the Kiwi house.

48:23Keyzie:It's dark and there's sort of light in their enclosure. but there's no kiwis.

48:29Jase:No, that's right. Top dollar you pay for that. Well, I'll just finish the rest of this question here. Well, I think that's more important. I know old Mogi and Janus have experience eating the ever tender kerudu but I crave more forbidden flavours. My question to you fellas is how am I supposed to get myself in a position where I'm actually hanging off the back of a kiwi dog? Oh. Because when you think about it, you've got their long beak. If you just grabbed that beak and just dipped it into the deep fryer and then pulled it out, it's kind of on a skewer already. It is. that skew themselves. Easy, easy, easy.

48:58What do you mean? Obviously, I would never do it responsibly.

49:01Keyzie:You know, when we're talking animals, we've got to be careful here, fellas.

49:05Jase:People get protective about this sort of stuff, don't you?

49:06Keyzie:Yeah, look, back in the day, of course, if you were a bushman, you lived in the bush, and you're a man. You're a hunter and gatherer. I'm talking way, way, way back in the day. It was all G, I imagined. Different times. Yeah, different times. I don't know that in this day and age, putting a kiwi on a skewer is going to go down too well.

49:28Jase:Very good eating back in the day, though. Of course, I mean, you know, those pioneers, those groundbreakers back then, Jase, that often just lop their heads off, wipe their ass, and slap it on a plate. That was it. Yeah. You'd be ripping into it straight away there, Kesey. They would be yum, though, because they're nice fat bastards. Yeah, well, they're like a big massive meatball.

49:50Keyzie:They are. They're like a meatball. With a big pokey beak. You wouldn't eat the beak, obviously. Or the feet. I wouldn't imagine there's much fat on the feet. No, you can deep fry them. Oh, yeah, I suppose so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And use the beak as a toothpick to get the kiwi from out between your teeth. But I guess he can't do it. He's not allowed.

50:09Jase:No. Is that true? What about if you run one over? Yeah, then you can eat it. Because there must be a certain element of roadkill because it seems a waste of meat to me if you run one over. And then what?

50:20Keyzie:You're not allowed to eat it.

50:22Jase:Yeah.

50:22Keyzie:I survived on roadkill for a year and a half once. Yes. Any kiwi? No kiwi, weirdly enough. Well, I hope that helps. Use your car.

50:34Jase:Yeah, I mean, I just start driving around in your Coromandals and your deep souths, your up north. Kiwi house. Kiwi house. If you can get it here, you won't get any kiwis in there, though, will you? Ram raid the kiwi house. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

50:57Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's the Monday show done and dusted. And the podcast outro today wouldn't have a clue. What's the clip we've got there, Keezy? Today's podcast outro clip is called Quality Podcasting. There it is. I'm standing in the bedroom in me undies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I hear my wife go, When did we Well she did Yeah She tries not to look

51:28Jase:She said oh Send that off to the podcast Yeah

51:38Keyzie:It's true that's what she does She just She turns away When I get out of bed Whereas I I'm the opposite Because I hide myself Oh,

51:52Jase:penis. It's an interesting thought, isn't it, Jase? What's that? When you think about it. Yeah. Well, because you think to yourself there, you think, a lot of people, they talk about getting older, and they say, I don't feel old. I feel like I'm 21. Yes. But when I see myself in the mirror, I'm not 21. I'm 70 or 80 or whatever it might be. So then the interesting thing becomes that you are then, And you're married and your partner is now really old. But when you were young, you weren't attracted to somebody that was 80. No. Were you? Because I heard...

52:26Keyzie:Well, I... You know, I... Back in the day, I was pretty open-minded and... Did you shag a granny? Keezy, come on, man. Yes. Yeah. What are you doing tonight, Moggy?

52:44Jase:What am I doing tonight? I'm going to get a bit of food in me. I'm going to try and watch a movie. I've got a TV show that I want to finish off tonight. I haven't told you guys about it. Right, okay. Because I want to wait until the end. Sure. Don't want to get your hopes up and then it's not good at the end. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm going great guns at the moment. Man, I'm enjoying these late evenings. Yes. I get into bed early. I'm waking up my old mate next door, that FN2-y. But even that can't keep me down at the moment. Yeah, good stuff, mate. Tacos and a walk. What are you doing tonight, Jase?

53:15Keyzie:Oh, probably packing some more crap up. Yeah. Eating dinner. I think, actually, I might... Oh, no, I don't think I've cancelled my dinner. See you tomorrow at four.