FULL SHOW: The Big Pitch

10:18Keyzie:Can I just say that that has worked for me in the past. And what I was thinking internally when you were asking me that question was, well, I just have a vape.

10:32Mike Minogue:Right, okay, so that's how you deal with it. When was the last time you had a vape?

10:37Keyzie:Well, this is the other thing. Just answer the question. As my wife clearly pointed out to you, she said, in fairness, he vapes a lot less than he did, because I can't vape in the apartment. I can't vape at work. I'll have a quiet puff on the way home. And I'll have a quiet puff on the way here. I'll tell you what, that's interesting. I don't remember her saying that. She did say that. I don't remember her saying that. She did say that. She did say that. Are you telling me that when you get up in the early morning that you don't hang off the back of one? No, well, I can't. You're not allowed to vape or smoke in the apartment.

11:10You let that stop you, do you? Yes, I do, yeah. And you can't. God, I'd love to believe you, Jase. Yeah. I'd love to believe you. So for myself, I've given up. I haven't smoked all year. However, I did have a cigarette on Saturday night. I'm happy being honest with you guys about that. Yeah. Good idea, mate. And I had three durries at another wedding. Right. Yeah.

11:31Mike Minogue:Right. But it's disappointing, man, I guess. Are you going to, like, kick the vape or are you?

11:37Keyzie:Well, this is the thing, Fielos. I was just listening to the news before, And they were talking about the fact that the health department is saying vaping is better for you than the durries. Was there not on the news there? I don't know. I didn't hear that one. Whilst I have again given up, now I'm considering starting up again.

12:03Mike Minogue:I'm so confused here. You're on the vape. You've always been on the vape. It's never stopped. Yeah, it's never stopped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The two things that never stop, one is that you vape and two, that you lie. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

12:22Keyzie:Smashing pumpkins there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon. The time is 20 minutes to five o 'clock. Got this really interesting bit of news that's come across my desk here, fellas. Breaking news.

12:37This is Breaking News. The headline says Wellington Phoenix striker Subitra Bandari has launched a fundraiser. She has done her ACL. It's in your knee, Keezy.

12:51Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, yeah. I know the one. Anterior crucial ligament. Cruciate ligament, I should say. So she's gone to a GoFundMe page, set this up to raise$135 ,000 for this operation.

13:08Keyzie:Jeez Louise. That's not cheap, is it? No. Her name's Sybetra. I would have done it for half the amount.

13:14Mike Minogue:I would have done it for a third. Do you know how to do ACL surgeries? How hard could it be would be my question. Just stitch the bastard together, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true that. But it got me to thinking, what would you go to? What would we go to? what would the audience go to, to GoFundMe? What operation would you be looking to fund, Keezy? What do you reckon?

13:35Keyzie:I mean, you've... I mean, Keezy's a pretty straightforward one, isn't it, Keezy?

13:42Mike Minogue:3483, let us know. Yeah, well, what are you thinking, Jase? Like, in terms of me? Because I do have some thoughts. Yeah, yeah, in terms of you, the most obvious, obviously,

13:53Keyzie:which would be a massive nip reduction. Yeah, right. Like, just snip a couple of inches off around the aoli there.

14:03Mike Minogue:Okay, well, it's just remember that you were massively empowering me and telling me that it's okay.

14:07Keyzie:I know, I know, I know, but just think how much more confident you'd be if you...

14:14Mike Minogue:I'm pretty confident, man. I'll get my shirt off at a black leash. I think it's what makes you you. I think there's dozens of other things that you'd put on the list before you did your nits.

14:21Keyzie:Why not have that dozens? Yeah, I mean, you could shave a few inches off your snozz.

14:26Mike Minogue:Yeah, well, I was going to suggest that for you, but obviously only 135K. You're obviously going to need a lot more than that.

14:31Keyzie:Well, actually, what I would run with, I'd run with, because my balls are out of sync.

14:37Mike Minogue:What do you mean? You know, one's hanging lower than the other. Are they in a band? They're playing out of rhythm.

14:45Keyzie:Well, I've often thought of putting them in a band, Mogi, so that they can, you know, be... I don't like the fact that my testes...

14:53Mike Minogue:Every single...

14:54Keyzie:elongated. I want them balanced. I mean, they're already low-hanging bastards. I want them tightened, and I want them tucked up, and I want them even.

15:05Mike Minogue:You can't have them even. Every human male has them one slightly higher than the other, so that they're not banging into one another.

15:13Keyzie:Oh, you had yours balanced. When you were getting your hair laser, she said they are the most beautifully balanced balls I've ever seen.

15:23Mike Minogue:How do you know?

15:23Keyzie:Because she got one of those square markers, you know, the square that you – Set square. Set square. Yeah, yeah. And said, that is just perfect. Her words, Hoity J, they are plum. Cool, so – What about you, Mo? I mean, what would you be looking at? Well, it's interesting. I mean, I've had issues before. So I had old Grandma Sue there. I remember when my daughter was born. She was holding my daughter in her arms. Only days old. and Grandma Sue, she looked up at me and she said, Michael, she calls me Michael, you see, she said, Michael, who do you think she looks like? Do you think she looks like you or do you think she looks like your wife?

16:03And I said, oh, look, it doesn't look really like anybody at this stage to me. It just looks like a baby. And she says, hmm, well, she doesn't have your sunken eyes.

16:16Which was nice.

16:17Mike Minogue:Yeah, so you get those. So maybe I'd have a look at the sunken eyes. Then, of course, I went to that doctor that one time to look at getting laser treatment on my eyes. She said, never mind the laser treatment. What about the massive amounts of fluid making your eyelids hang down in front of your eyeballs? I said, what? Excuse me? So, yeah, I've got a couple of issues there that I didn't know I had prior to the compliments of my GP and my grandmother-in-law. You probably didn't notice them because you couldn't see past your massive sagging eyelids. But look, 3483, which surgery would you raise funds?

16:53Mike Minogue:I think we all landed on some pretty great options. I mean, there's some good ones.

16:55Keyzie:I'm comforted by the knowledge, Kesey, that your balls are skewer as well. I mean, slightly comforted by it.

17:05Mike Minogue:Yeah, my balls are skewer. Every dude except for mogies who are plum. Yeah, it's just how they are naturally. A bit of you too, fellas. Sure, man. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki.

17:22Keyzie:White stripes there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon. The time is 4.52. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

17:36Yeah, yeah. Dish, dish. Last night I watched the final episode of Season 1 of A Night of the Seven Kingdoms, fellas. Just to be clear, we all watched that.

17:46Mike Minogue:We all watched it last night. We all watched it last night. The final episode. No spoilers. Can't have any spoilers. But it's the aftermath of a big battle scene. Very good episode. It's just setting up what comes next. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm just going to go four buzzies. But if you're out there, you love Game of Thrones, or if you like television in general, I would say that you should watch this show. Yeah. I'd like to be able to say some things about where it will head, but I don't want it to be spoilery. Yes, totally. I would also say if you are like me and you loved Game of Thrones and then were massively let down.

18:21Mike Minogue:Like, ever since watching the final season. You've never been the same, Keezy. Can I say that, man? You've been a different person altogether, man. Yeah, I mean, a hollow, shocking bastard.

18:30Keyzie:You come in with, like, big shadows under your eyes. Your hair's a mess. There's holes in your jeans. Your shirt's all ripped. Got huge shoes on. It looks like you've done wheeze in your pants.

18:42Mike Minogue:Totally, man. That's all as a direct result of the finale of Game of Thrones. but I went from watching that show like was my comfort blanket of a show. I've watched the first five seasons so many times and then the last two, I think it was the last whatever, I never went back and watched it. I never went back and read anything. I was just like, I'm done. They ruined it. Watching the show has restored my faith and now I want to go and watch Game of Thrones again. It was just so good. It's just so great being back in that world.

19:07Keyzie:It is. And as I've said before, it was literally my comfort sort of zone. You were saying, Keezy, about it being your comfort zone. It was figurative. With Jase, it was literally his comfort blanket. I would put it on when I was feeling depressed or down in the dumps. But you know what literally means, right? And just get transformed into their world, Keezy. So would you take the TV off the wall

19:29Mike Minogue:and put it on top of you like a blanket? Literally a comfort.

19:32Keyzie:I loved the last three seasons. I thought it was awesome.

19:35Mike Minogue:Yeah, but you like talkback.

19:37Keyzie:Again, well, I don't know. You don't know that I do.

19:44Keyzie:but this series has been great and as you said, Moggy the penultimate one was the sort of exciting one before the end of the series they're laying the platform they're setting you on the next course of action can't wait for it to come out it's probably going to be what, a year or something painful like that? probably, but it's a good little tester for them to test the world, the writing, the characters can I just say, great casting Very good Great cast I love the main character He rules Yeah he's great And a little eggy there He's great too Champion And some great development With the brother last night Yes Won't go into too much detail there But yeah Just really great stuff But a good way to test it So rather than committing To ten episodes And finding out Everyone hates it You do six Okay everybody's on board Now they'll do They'll do A decent size I hope so And longer episodes Like twenty Yes

20:37Mike Minogue:Yeah I can't wait man I'll give that series 4.4 buzzies out of 5 that series as a whole because it took a while to win me over and then hopefully the next series expands on that and I can give it the full 5 buzzie rating. Yes. I mean for me it's just a hard recommend. Yeah. It's a hard recommend. Yeah. A Night of the Seven Kingdoms on Neon.

20:59Keyzie:For me it's a raging recommend. Yes. Like literally? Yes. Literally a raging, raging recommend. Hey fellas, speaking of recommendations, I've got a business idea I want to put you after five. I just want to say we got a text message about the show yesterday there. Somebody asked, do you have to watch Game of Thrones to watch this? No, you don't. Absolutely not. Completely standalone. You're good as gold. Get into it.

21:24Mike Minogue:Use it as a little entry level, will I maybe like Game of Thrones if you never watched it? And also, can I say, if you start watching this and then you finish this, then you can go into Game of Thrones with a bit more knowledge because they do reference these characters in those episodes which are set 100 years in the future. Yeah. Yeah, good stuff. Good stuff, fellas.

21:41Keyzie:What were you saying about your business idea, man? No, I've had this business idea and I want to put it to you, fellas.

21:45Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, okay. Is that like after 5 o 'clock on the show or something?

21:47Keyzie:Yeah, that's it.

21:48Mike Minogue:That's a good idea.

21:52Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

21:58Keyzie:You're welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Tuesday afternoon. You are, in fact, listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Ree Burge.

22:06Mike Minogue:Handcrafted burgers, loaded fries and gourmet eats that will change the game. Oh, mate, you know how long I've been waiting to get this barbecue fired up, mate. Yeah, just on that, actually. What? I'm going to pass on the barbecue this time. I've invited you around for a barbecue and you're going to pass on the barbecue. Well, this is the thing. I've brought my own re-burger. It's crave-worthy and it's gourmet I've invited you around, I don't understand You don't have to understand, all you have to know is that it's yum Excellent You don't have to understand That's the thing, don't let it worry you too much brother It's just yum eh fellas Totally fellas

22:55Keyzie:Actually I feel like you must be doing some Reeburger Keezy, it's been a while

23:00Mike Minogue:What the hell is that supposed to mean?

23:01Keyzie:Well, I know you love your takeaways.

23:04Mike Minogue:What the hell is that supposed to be?

23:06Keyzie:Just that you love your takeaways.

23:08Mike Minogue:I do love my takeaways.

23:10Keyzie:Yeah, and it just feels like you're due some Reburger. When is your wife going out again? Well, hang on a minute. Hang on a minute. You know that he's got a penchant, an addiction for other things at the moment. Best way to get it off it, Keezy. Bit of Reburger, brother. Just to break your habit.

23:29Mike Minogue:Can we hang on, Mr. Lied about being off the vape? Yeah, that's your name, Mr. Mr. Lied about being off the vape. Well, I prefer it to Jizzbot. Oh, yeah, sorry, I take it back. Your name is Jizzbot. Jizzbot. Just to clarify, by the way, my other addiction is dumplings. It's not anything weird, because it just could have sounded weird for anyone listening and not knowing.

23:49Keyzie:Oh, yeah, on the eating front, yes.

23:52Mike Minogue:Well, no, no, just in general, I don't have any other addictions other than eating dumplings. Eating that dumpling. No, don't say eating that dumpling. Loving that dumpling.

24:01Keyzie:Well, what I want to know is, Keezy, that dumpling. Sucking on that. When's your wife going out again for drinks with her friends? Tonight. Well, there you go. Perfect. Bachelor night. Re-burger.

24:13Mike Minogue:Yeah, potentially re-burger. Or dumplings. I don't know. We'll see how we go. Oh, a little bit of Stone Devil Pilots there. I love this. Okay, why not? The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hodaki.

24:28Keyzie:Yes, indeed, Jimmy Eat World there on the Radio Hodaki. Big show this Tuesday afternoon, the time being 12 minutes past 5 o 'clock. Now, fellas, the other day in the podcast outro, I was talking about the fact that I want to start a little business up.

24:41Mike Minogue:That's right. You were spitballing there for a bit.

24:43Keyzie:Yeah, I was spitballing. And in my travels around the inner city here, the CBD as it's known, I've been keeping my eye out for little, you know, perhaps potential business opportunities. Sure. And I was in a food court the other day, and it wasn't just a food court. There was also other shops within the food court, and there was a space for hire for$230 a week. And I was thinking to myself and my wife and I were thinking to ourselves, what could we do with that space? What could we do as a little business? And we've always had this idea, a kind of little fantasy of doing toasties and serving good coffee.

25:25Keyzie:Dreaming big. Dreaming big. But, you know, probably more in a place like Russell or something like that. Oh, yeah. Just a hole in the wall, really relaxed, kind of chill out kind of thing. But then you guys started throwing some ideas at me and one of them stuck.

25:41Mike Minogue:Oh, God, which one was it?

25:42Keyzie:And it was the idea of selling toasties and stick mags. Yeah. For those of you that don't know what stick mags are, porn mags. Yeah, pornography. And at first I was like, that's outlandish, that's crazy. But then I had a little think about it and I thought... It just might work. What do the 16 to 25-year-old demographic love the most? demographic. They love fast food and porn. And I thought, what a great idea. Let's get this happening. Let's make it work. What was that age group? 18 to 25. 18 to 25. Yeah, jeez. Let's make it 18 to 30. Let's make it 20. Let's make it 20 to 30. Let's make it 18 to 30-year-olds.

26:40Mike Minogue:Let's just make it whoever's interested.

26:43Keyzie:Yeah. You know what I mean? Because here's the other thing. Where it is is surrounded by students. Right. And I'm talking students that have left school, obviously, you know, at the Polytechs.

26:56Mike Minogue:University.

26:56Keyzie:University. There's lots of student activity going on there, and I thought, my God, this could be absolutely perfect. Sure. Well, I agree. I think it's absolutely got legs.

27:09Mike Minogue:Would you be running the store? I'd be running it. That's key. Who'd be front of house? So it would be you? Oh, it would just be me. Just you? Yes, just me. So your front of house, and much like your dinner party, your wife's out the back doing all the work? No, well, yes, you'll be making the toasties. That's what I mean. Oh, because if it is like your dinner party, you could name it six out of ten. Let's just spit, like, 3483. Feel free to text through some ideas for the name of Jason's store.

27:33Keyzie:Yeah, well, we all know that naming something is one of the more difficult things to do. I was thinking like Melton Mags or something like that or, you know, spicy stick or...

27:46Mike Minogue:Yeah, so you've got to work to know you can do better than that.

27:48Keyzie:Yeah, well, exactly. This is why I need your guys' help. Or cheesy.

27:52Mike Minogue:Nah, I think... Something cheesy. Yeah, yeah. And also, Joe... What about sexy cheese? Sexy cheese. Nah. What about sex on toast? That's a saying from back in the day. Sex on toast, yeah, not bad. I think it still needs work. 3483, feel free to text through any ideas for the name of this business. I'm also not convinced that it's a good idea. Because do you want us to invest in it?

28:17Keyzie:Well, I'd love you to invest if you want to put a few bob my way.

28:20Mike Minogue:You're going to have to work on your pitch, though, man, because I'm not convinced there is a demographic. I'm not convinced that people are going to want to buy this product. You're going to have to pitch it to us properly.

28:29Keyzie:Okay. There's some good names coming through.

28:32Mike Minogue:I'm happy to do that, actually. Yeah, there's a lot of... I'm going to be able to read out approximately 20 % of these texts. Yeah, I thought you might.

28:39Keyzie:Or shall I pitch it to you next? Like a Dragon's Den type scenario.

28:44Mike Minogue:Sure, if you think you can get a pitch together in a few minutes.

28:47Keyzie:Yeah, I think I can. I work best under pressure, fellas. Yeah, right.

28:53Mike Minogue:Here's Metallica. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

28:59Keyzie:Queens of the Stone Age there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon. The time is 5.24. Now, I've put an idea that the guys actually gave to me, to be fair, because I'm looking to start up a little business in town. I found a great little spot. It's$230 a week to rent, and I thought, what could I do there? And the fellow suggested making toasted sandwiches and selling stick mags.

29:24Mike Minogue:Yeah, we were kind of joking, but you've kind of taken this idea and run with it.

29:27Keyzie:I think it's a winner.

29:28Mike Minogue:Right, okay. So now you have to pitch it to us, and we will invest in it potentially. Yes. You ready for this? Yes.

29:49Mike Minogue:That's the Dragon's Den theme. Oh, right, okay, yeah.

29:52Keyzie:No, neither did I.

29:53Mike Minogue:I mean, it's from the UK. Right, yes. All right, so do you want to come in and introduce yourself and your new business?

30:01Keyzie:Well, hello, Dragons. Can I say what an absolute privilege it is to be here? I'll be honest with you, I'm a little bit nervous. This is a dream that I've had for a very long time. Get on with that little fella there.

30:19Keyzie:That I think is a fantastic opportunity for you, Dragons, as well as me and hopefully we can all, you know, I look forward to working with one or more than one of you Let's just get to it, mate. What have you got? Well, I've got this idea. Good. That's a good start. Yes. It's basically focused around young people. And when I say young people, I mean 20 to 30-year-old demographic. Right, okay.

30:46Mike Minogue:So I'm outside the demographic then. So is this probably not for me?

30:49Keyzie:Oh, you're well outside. And the 20 to 30-year-old demographic? Yes. What are the 20 to 30-year-old demographic like the most? Sink and piss.

31:00Mike Minogue:Bing online, social media. Yeah, video games.

31:02Keyzie:Video games. Instagram. Fast food. What? Fast food. What? And porn. Oh, yeah.

31:11Mike Minogue:Right, okay. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And so how have you, first of all, where have you got that statistic from? How do you know that that's what they're into?

31:17Keyzie:Well, I've prepared some papers here, which I'll put in front of you here, and it shows the stats. Okay, cool. Thank you. Porn's the big winner, obviously, but fast food coming in at a very close second. Nice. Well, not really close. I mean, it's quite away from porn, but pretty well. And how does it work? What do we got? So the idea that I have, it's very simple, it's very easy, as all good ideas are, is that I sell toasted sandwiches and stick mags. Stick mags. So, sorry, are you selling the stick mags, or are they available to read while people are eating the cheese toasties? Well, this is the beauty of it.

31:53Keyzie:While I'm making the toasties, there'll be a stand of stick mags that people can browse while they're waiting for their toasted sandwich to be made. That's good. And here's the thing. Here's the thing I'm thinking. Every toasty that you order comes wrapped in a centrefold. I like that.

32:14Mike Minogue:Yes, yes. But you're a sicko, Mogey Dragon. Yeah, but there's a lot of sickos out there. And that's the thing. There's a lot of money in sickos, Geezer. You know that. Absolutely there is. What was your name? Jason. Yes. Hi, Jason. are you planning on scaling this up? Because obviously we're going to invest in it and we want it to grow. Yes. And we want to get a return on that.

32:34Keyzie:Yeah, absolutely.

32:34Mike Minogue:You are going to scale it up?

32:35Keyzie:I see this as being a franchise situation. Absolutely. I'll start the initial store and then franchise it out. Right, okay. We've come up with a name. Blue Cheese. Blue Cheese.

32:54Blue Cheese.

32:55Keyzie:No, yeah, I get it. It's not bad. What are your own names? Yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you.

32:58Mike Minogue:How did you come up with that name, by the way? Did you think of yourself?

33:01Keyzie:Well, blue being your porno sort of intonations. No, I know what it means. And cheese is your general sort of thing that you have. Sorry, little fella. Well, I don't mean to be patronising, but obviously cheese is going to be in the toastie. No, I get it, I get it. It's obvious. I don't know how you made your money. What do you mean? Well, you just come across as a bit of a deer brain.

33:20Mike Minogue:Mate, I make so much money because I'm part of a top radio show.

33:23Keyzie:Right, okay.

33:24Mike Minogue:And that's where I get all of my money. In fact, one of my colleagues makes so much money. He voices this show called Dogs. I think we're getting off target.

33:30Keyzie:Yeah, okay. So I'm looking to see if you'd like to invest in my - How much do you need? Two million. And that would go - Well, I need a loaf of bread to start with.

33:43Mike Minogue:So that's about four bucks. So stick mags. Okay, how many stick mags do you want?

33:48Keyzie:Well, I'm picking it's going to be pretty popular. A thousand.

33:52Mike Minogue:Yeah. So, sorry, one loaf of bread and 1 ,000 stick mags.

33:55Keyzie:Yes, obviously a couple of. Don't fly off the shelves. 3 kg, 4 kg, your cheese. Yeah. Margarine, a couple of tubs of margarine. A butter knife. Just one? Just one will do. And maybe some stuff with some cold meats or whatever that you want to chuck in your toasty there. I think you're overcomplicating it when you get the meats involved. Oh, just cheese? Yeah. Well, even then, I think you can cut down again. Right, okay. I think you've got to narrow it down, right down. So get rid of the cheese. Get rid of the toasties. Just stick mags? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Okay. Are you interested? Pointy jizzes stick mags, something like that, you know?

34:35Mike Minogue:Yeah, Cal, I'm out. Just so you know, I'm out.

34:37Keyzie:Cal, I didn't really want you anyway.

34:40Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Who wants free, biggie?

34:57Keyzie:Yes, indeed, we give away a$50 Reburger voucher if you're a genuine person and not AI. Thank you.

35:05Mike Minogue:Also, if you hear this during a song when you call straight away 0800 Hauraki, I believe our mate Jordan did that, Hoity J.

35:13Keyzie:Yeah, he did. G'day, Jordan, you mad bastard. How's life? Oh, good, thanks, Hoity J. How are you, mate? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. Had a good day, Jordan, have you? Oh, it's been brilliant. Nice weather down here in Christchurch. Oh, good on you, mate. Yeah, well. Yeah, good on you. Now, listen, I don't want you to be intimidated, but Keezy's going to ask you a few questions, mate, just to prove that you're legit, all right? I'm scared, right.

35:36Mike Minogue:Okay, don't be scared, Jordan, mate. As long as you're not AI, everything should be sweet, all right? All right. Okay, first question. What do you do for a crust? I work on safety infrastructure.

35:48Keyzie:Ah, you're bad, mate. You all right, Mikey? You alright man?

35:54Mike Minogue:Second question Jordan from Christchurch What's for dinner tonight? Oh Maybe some Reburger No That's what AI says man It's going to take you months to get this voucher So you won't be having Reburger tonight What are you actually planning Jordan from Christchurch Mate we need to know just in case Oh I don't know let's go a pizza night There you go Not much in the fridge so it's a pizza

36:21Keyzie:Yeah, like Kesey and his ham and pineapple. His little frozen ham and pineapples.

36:27Mike Minogue:Oh, really? I go a meatlover.

36:31Keyzie:That's because you're a backbone, Jordan.

36:33Mike Minogue:Totally. Jordan, next question. How often do you floss? Maybe once every two weeks, if I can remember. Yeah, not bad. Hey, Jordan, it's never, eh? That's never. No, I actually do. All right, just checking. Next question. What colour are your undies? are they grey grey is that because

36:53Keyzie:they're filthy and they used to be white

36:56Mike Minogue:yes gross and final question what is your deepest fear

37:03Keyzie:oh gosh we'll go spiders

37:06Mike Minogue:spiders nice alright that's our first spider yeah yeah yeah arachnophobia just chucking it into the system mate just checking you're not AI and yep you've come back clean mate so you can get that$50 re-burger about you Okay, I was wondering that myself. Thank you, Kesey. You don't have to worry, mate.

37:22Keyzie:We'll have days like that if we're real or not.

37:25Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah. So you hold the line there, Jordan, and I'll pug-san to hook you up, all right? Oh, thank you very much. You're welcome, mate. Very polite young man, isn't he?

37:33Keyzie:Well, I would have said a polite older man. Yeah, I was trying to be nice. Maybe 50s, 60s, something like that. Certainly not our normal demo. I mean, that's nothing against Jordan. We love whoever listens to this show, even if they are ancient.

37:48Mike Minogue:By the way, thousands of people text through names for your business idea Yes The cheese toastie stand that also had porno mags Yes Maybe up next we might read out some of those Yes, that's a good idea

37:59Keyzie:Can we do that after six? Because I'm still working on my proposal a little bit here

38:03Mike Minogue:Right, okay, sure Whatever you want, yeah, 100 % Yeah Is this the Fooey Fooey Mo Moys? The Foo Fighters? Yeah Yeah, it is The Hauraki Big Show Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki

38:19Keyzie:Push push there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show This Tuesday night The time is 10 minutes to 6 o 'clock

38:25Mike Minogue:Now Horty J has put a business idea forward He's working on it at the moment It is cheese toasties and porno mags Stick mags, yeah It's going to be run out of a small shop in downtown Auckland No, it's more uptown actually Sorry, in uptown Auckland I don't even go downtown You're the man Uptown Auckland Which is a few hundred metres away from downtown Auckland

38:50Keyzie:Yes but it's a vast difference

38:52Mike Minogue:You're right, okay, so this is where the store's going to be Now people text through names on 3483 And Jase you actually used one sent in by Richard Which was Blue Cheese Yes Which is a very good idea You got the blue mags there and the cheese Yes A shitload of other suggestions have come through Yes And you can't read them all out But I'm just going to read a few out And you just tell me if you like them or not This one's from Sam Titties and Toasties. Is that a yes? It's on the label. People know what they're getting. It says what it is in the tin. It does. The J-hole. The J-hole. No, you don't like it?

39:32Mike Minogue:No, no. Eat and beat. Not bad. Eat and beat's good. Eat and beat is good. Cheese balls. What about beat and eat? Yeah, whatever you want. Because you're waiting, so you're sort of perusing the stick mag while you're waiting for the cheese toasty to come out. So what did you say? Beat meat. Just changing it around. Beat meat instead of eating beat. Yeah, either works for me. Yeah, totally. Cheese balls. Because it's like a good throwback, you know. Yeah, yeah.

40:04Keyzie:Not bad, not bad.

40:05Mike Minogue:This one's not funny. Bird shit Chris toasties. That's not funny or clever in any way. That's stupid.

40:14Keyzie:I don't see the appeal. I mean, you know, bird shit toasty, crust toasties? No.

40:20Mike Minogue:I don't know why they name it after Mogi's cat. I don't get it. Jake says mouse faps, like mouse traps, which are little cheese toasty things.

40:34Mike Minogue:What's wrong with that? Dave says peaches and creamed corn.

40:46Mike Minogue:I tell you what. If you're open to creamed corn toasties.

40:49Keyzie:Creamed corn toasties are very popular.

40:51Mike Minogue:They are my favourite. Yeah, I've never had them. I can't do the corn out of that, but I love the name, so that's tricky. Jason's Toasty Stick Mags. Just keep it simple. That's from Tyler.

41:02Keyzie:Right, okay. Thanks, Tyler. No.

41:03Mike Minogue:Snack and Smart. That's from Dean. What about this one from Rory? Toasted Sandwiches. Toasted Sandwiches.

41:15What about this one here? Call it, and it's good because I said call it, cover me in butter and fill me with cheese.

41:22Mike Minogue:Because that's what you do with a toasted sandwich.

41:24Keyzie:That could be like our catchphrase. Yes. Or. Toasted sandwiches. Toasted sandwiches. Toasted sandwiches. And cover me with butter and fill me with cheese.

41:38Mike Minogue:Also, this one here. I can see it on a cap. Totally, man. Oh, 100%. The merch for this place. And how about this one from Sean? If it goes international, it goes to France. Fromage et Trois. It's absolutely brilliant because fromage. That's cheese, isn't it? It is. Yes, it is. Fromage et Trois. So, look, those are some more names there for you just to sort of spitball. Some absolute humdingers, I've got to say. Some goodies in there. Yeah, keep them coming, 3483. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

42:16Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbone. Backbones, excuse me, I've got some of Pugs' nuts in my mouth. What do you mean by that? What the hell does that mean? I stole one of his bliss balls from his desk there. Oh, right. And they're very chewy and peanutty. Yeah. But anyway, you're listening to The Big Show brought to you by Rebugie.

42:36Mike Minogue:Craveworthy street food freshly made with re-burger.

42:44Keyzie:Oh, Mike, are you a ghost?

42:48Mike Minogue:Imagine a world without craveworthy street food freshly made at re-burger. I can't imagine a world without those delicious beef, chicken, vegan and vegetarian options at re-burger.

43:04Keyzie:That wouldn't be very yum. Yum.

43:12That wouldn't be very yum at all. That wouldn't be a good year.

43:18Mike Minogue:What's for tea tonight for you guys, man? No idea. Funnily enough. Can you stop chewing, please?

43:25Keyzie:You're a pig. I told you I've got nuts in my mouth. Funnily enough, a toasty. Because my wife's rehearsing her play.

43:32Mike Minogue:And she's in charge of cooking all meals, so you're making a toaster? No.

43:36Keyzie:No. How sexist, man.

43:39Mike Minogue:That's what you were saying, though.

43:40Keyzie:No, well, usually because I'm here till seven, she will cook a meal, yes. But she isn't able to do that because she's rehearsing her play. Right, okay. But you said she's had all day. She was working all day, Michael.

43:57Mike Minogue:I'm having a chicken thigh and a salad. What kind of salad? I don't know. It'll be a nice one though. I think it's got orzo in it.

44:06Keyzie:Orzo? Orzo. You won't do that on your come dine with me, will you?

44:10Mike Minogue:Maybe. What's orzo? What is orzo? No, orzo. That's chorizo.

44:15Keyzie:Oh, I thought orzo was a kind of grain. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's a grain thing. No, it's a small pasta. It's a little seedy pasta.

44:23Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

44:24Keyzie:A seedy pasta. Like a big seed. They're just tiny bits of pasta. Does that clear it up? It's a big seed. It's a seed that, you know, grows plants, but it's made out of pasta. Yes, it's about the size of a seed. Right. And when the plants bloom, fruit can come off them. It's all pastas. Is that where spaghetti comes from? Yes, spaghetti tree seed. Listen, coming up next. What's up next, Jase? What's on the dinner with me, Keezy? So text us 3483 and let us know what you're having for dinner.

44:54Mike Minogue:Tell us what you are having for dinner. I want to know who you are and where you're texting from as well. every text in the draw for a$50 delicious Reburger voucher, so make sure you do get stuck in. Oh, a bit of France for her, man. Why not get into it? Turn it up. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

45:11Keyzie:Oasis there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening, the time being 14 minutes past six o 'clock, which means it's time for...

45:20Mike Minogue:Oh yeah, hey guys. Text here from Steve.

45:24Keyzie:What's on the tea with me? Dinner.

45:29How come we're not calling it that?

45:31Mike Minogue:It says it's not what it's called. It's called what's... Well, hang on a minute. I just heard it in this thing. Yeah, but pugs won't change it back to what it's supposed to be called. And so now my once amazing and grammatically correct segment doesn't make any sense. But anyway, what's on the tea with me dinner where you text through on 3483, tell us what you're having for dinner. It's one of the all-time great radio segments. It is. Absolutely. they will be making a TV documentary I'm telling you one day about the great radio segments of all time, and that is going to be top three. Well, I look forward to it.

46:07Mike Minogue:4.6 bullsies. 3483, send us your text. Let us know what you're having for dinner. Tell us your name and where you're texting from too. G'day there, fellas. Charlotte here. Wow. Charlotte. No, Ginsberg, I'll go with. Yeah, same. Charlotte Dawson. No, Charlotte's Web. I was going to say Charlotte's Web. Yeah, Charlotte Sweb. G'day, guys. Charlotte Sweb here. Just bought our first house, so we'll be having me go ring noodles tonight. Just what? What? Just bought our first house. Yeah. So we'll be having me go ring noodles. What's the connection between the two? I don't understand what even that is.

46:42We bought a house, so we will be having me go ring noodles.

46:45Mike Minogue:The house must have come with a whole lot of noodles.

46:48Keyzie:Oh, me go ring noodles.

46:51Mike Minogue:Well, what did you think I said?

46:52Keyzie:You said it all wrong.

46:54Mike Minogue:Did I? Did I?

46:55Keyzie:I almost pushed the...

46:57Mike Minogue:No, we got rid of that, the racism alarm. Yeah. We got rid of that because you were setting it off too much. Mega Ring noodles, by the way, the best noodles you can get.

47:04Keyzie:They're the dry ones, and then you squeeze the oil on it. The two-minute noodles, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

47:08Mike Minogue:And the blue and white packets or the red and white packets. Delicious. Ate so many of them through studying. G'day there, fellas. Will here. Summers. Hunting. It's Will Hunting. G'day, guys. Will Hunting here. Just finished dinner. It was a nice beef curry with rice. The leftovers will make a mean brekkie Sambo tomorrow morning.

47:31Keyzie:Well, I hope he's going to leave the rice out of it. Who has rice in a sandwich, for God's sake?

47:37Mike Minogue:I've never had rice in a sandwich, actually. No, because you don't. Yeah, it might be nice. G'day, guys. Arthur here. Kang. Arthur, Knights of the Round Table. Yeah, it's Arthur Knights of the Round Table. I knew it. Well, no, King Arthur. I was like, that whole time I was like, who the hell is Arthur King? G'day, guys. Arthur of the Knights of the Round Table. G'day, guys. King Arthur here in Rolleston having curry mints on toast.

48:14Keyzie:Curry mints.

48:15Mike Minogue:That sounds delicious. It's all right, actually. That's good eating. That sounds so good. It's a simple meal.

48:19Keyzie:Speaking of food obsessions, I was obsessed with curry mince pies. Have you ever had a curry mince pie? Bloody beautiful.

48:26Mike Minogue:I've never had one. It sounds delicious, though. So good. G'day there, feelers. Luke here. Skywalker. Metcalf. Lookie Met. Come on, Jase. Luke Metcalf doesn't listen to Hodaki. It's Luke Skywalker. Thought so. G'day, guys. Luke Skywalker here. He'll be texting with one hand, eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. That's right. I'm having a VB and some fried rice, homemade by the wifey, just done the lawns and washed my bike. Cheers.

48:56Keyzie:Oh, yeah, backbone.

48:57Mike Minogue:That is backbone stuff. My wife makes a very good fried rice. It's not what you're saying off air. You're saying, oh, shit. You were saying off air, you give it six out of ten.

49:07Keyzie:No, I leave that to other people, Keezy.

49:11Mike Minogue:G'day there, fellas. Debbie here. That was Dallas.

49:18Mike Minogue:Is that a porno? Yes. G'day, guys. Debbie here from Hooky. So, hook-a-ticker. Sorry, different person. Yeah. Maybe it's the same Debbie.

49:29Keyzie:She could have moved to Hooky. Yeah. For a bit of nookie.

49:35Mike Minogue:Nice. I'll just quickly read out what she's having, and then we'll go to some ads. Meatloaf, mushrooms, sautéed, creamy mash, spuds, and corn cobs. Yeah, that sounds good. I actually would be into that. That's a lot of food. I'm surprised she's got room. Mogey. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

49:56Keyzie:Oh, yes indeed. Tool there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday night. The time is 6.29.

50:03Mike Minogue:Hey, feelers. Here he is. I can play that song by Tool on my gat, by the way. Really? Was it a yes? Um, hey, fellas, the New Zealand Comedy Festival is returning, which is exciting. May is when the Comedy Fest happens, of course, thanks to our mates at Best Foods. However, the Comedy Gala, that's the big one. That's the biggin'. That's the big fish, Jase. Did you ever reach the Comedy Gala when you were doing comedy?

50:31Keyzie:I did the Gala three or four times, Kesey. That's the Mecca.

50:34Mike Minogue:Did you actually? Yes. Or were you just making that up? Back then it was sort of held in a, you know, we could seat 30 people or whatever. Oh, was it sort of like a, if anyone's keen, just chuck your name? At the Town Hall. The Town Hall. Wow, that's a huge venue. Yes. It's massive. Far out. Yeah. And we killed. Nah, Jase, I wish I could have come and seen it. But you were like five. Yeah, I don't even know if I was that. But hey, the Best Foods Comedy Gala is back. Of course, it's travelling around the country. You can see it in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch. Now, the Comedy Gala main crew, right?

51:11Mike Minogue:You've got Di Henwood. Who's he? You know who Di Henwood is. It says here Di Henwood ONZM, which is pretty exciting. Oh. Yeah, that is. You've got Hayley Sproul, Ray O 'Leary, Eloise, Eftis, Felicity Ward, Guy Williams. There's a massive lineup of the regulars who are going to be there, and then they'll have bonus people joining them as well. For example, in Auckland, you've got Courtney Dawson joining. You've got Sam Smith, Tony Lyle, of course, from the station here, which is exciting. And there's a duo that they've kind of stuffed it up because you can't say their name on the radio. Right. It's spelt F-U-Q.

51:48Mike Minogue:Oh, yes. Boys. F-Boys, yeah. And they make funny videos on social media. I've seen a few of them. They're great. But I can't actually plug them on the radio. It's difficult, isn't it?

51:57Keyzie:I tell you, it's really interesting, fellas, because I walk past the classic comedy and bar every day, and it's just down the road from where I live now, and the old stand-up sort of vibes are coming back to me. I had many a gig in that place, and I'm thinking, maybe I'll go and do a special guest appearance there. Well, you did one a couple of years ago there. You remember that? Yeah, where they welcomed me back with open arms.

52:27Keyzie:Remember that sound, man?

52:28Mike Minogue:To start it, if you want. Nah, Jason.

52:31Keyzie:Actually, my wife said to me, you should. You should set yourself a goal of doing a gig there this year. And I went, nah.

52:37Mike Minogue:That's the spirit, man. You 100 % could, man. And you don't hold up. You'd be right behind you, brother. Well, normally every year we do something, don't we? the first year we did, and I say every year, I think we've done it twice, but we did stand-up. We did five minutes each. I'll crowd work mode. We did it three times because I did it solo the first year. Oh, that's right. Yes, that was good. You should do it again this year just to round out the partnership. Yeah, cool, cool. But for this particular event, the Comedy Gala, we're actually starting a brand-new competition that starts today. It is flights from anywhere in New Zealand for you and a mate, plus you get to stay an eye at Sky City as well.

53:10Mike Minogue:If you are keen to win that, all you have to do is go to hodaki.co.nz to the winning page and get yourself in the draw there, which is bloody exciting.

53:17Keyzie:Great stuff, man.

53:18Mike Minogue:Did you actually do the gala, Jase?

53:20Keyzie:Yes. Wow, that's cool. Oh, man. I think it was three times. Was that you and Johnny? Yeah, me and Johnny.

53:26Mike Minogue:Yeah, nice, man. That's good stuff, man. Here's Weezer. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

53:39Keyzie:There you go, you mad bastards. That's the big show done and dusted. Hope you enjoyed it on the podcast outro today. What clip have you got? I've got a feeling I know, but what is it anyway, Keezy?

53:50Mike Minogue:The clip that I have got looks like the clip from yesterday. So I might just wait for Pugs to update it. He's just worn and realised. But he'll get it done real quick. Oh, look, we can just flag it. Oh, look, he's a shocking bastard. Yeah, no, that's fine. So once again, guys, what we'll do is we'll just forward your attention here to Pugs Has Had a Shocker, 69, at gmail.com. Yes. Is that a real email address? That's going to hurt our podcast numbers for sure. It is, mate. I mean, the key here, I think, is that we just – look, he's updated it. It's done. Okay, good. We'll play it quickly. All right, it's about our birthday.

54:26Keyzie:Get him, get him, get him, get him. But, Mogie, I forgot it's my daughter's 18th birthday on Thursday.

54:32Mike Minogue:How could you forget that?

54:33Keyzie:Well, I didn't, really. It was in the back of my mind. In the back of your mind? Yes. You forgot it? Pretty much. No, you completely forgot it then. You put it in the shelf. You put it in a little container on the shelf right at the top and you've marked it, who gives a f***? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you've closed the doors on it. Yeah. So technically it's in your brain, but you don't care about it. Yeah, man. Get him, get him, get him, get him, get him. Oh, good stuff. Go and check that podcast out. Mogi, what are you up to? Are you off to cycle or to the gym? I'll be on my cycle, mate. Cycling home there.

55:07Got a bit of work to do, fellas. Oh, yeah. I've got a busy week, so that'll be a bit of me. And I'm going to try and get to Small Town Scandal.

55:14Keyzie:Yeah, nice. Yeah. Keezy chicken thigh and salad. What else?

55:18Mike Minogue:Just that.

55:19Keyzie:Oh.

55:20Mike Minogue:Oh, in terms of tonight, we're probably going to watch Small Town Scandal as well. Yeah. They sent me, and I'll chuck it on my Instagram soon. They sent me a cool game thing to promote it. Yeah, I got one of those as well. Yeah, and heaps of snacks and stuff. The snack amount was unbelievable. It was ridiculous. I didn't get anything. I don't know if you know this, but we're kind of social media stars. We are, yeah. We're me and old Moogie. So it's pretty cool. Yeah, you'd love it. There's heaps of chips in there. Chips. There's like lollies. Can you guys shut up? I've got to get going. We're just trying to sign off the show, man.

55:53Mike Minogue:Yeah, I know. Now look, it matters, man.

55:55Keyzie:I'm in a hurry.

55:56Mike Minogue:All right. What are you doing tonight?

55:59Keyzie:Well...

55:59Mike Minogue:I thought you were in a hurry.

56:02Keyzie:You know, fellas, I might just extend my stroll out tonight and get a little bite to eat on the way home and maybe just go and sit in the park and ponder my thoughts and...

56:16Mike Minogue:Have a vape, you lying bastard.

56:19Keyzie:Nah, man.

56:20Mike Minogue:Yes?

56:20Keyzie:Nah, man. Hey, but listen, go and check out the podcast. Go and check out the Instagram account. Till tomorrow. See you later. Bye. Thank you.