FULL SHOW: The Big Reality Show

9:26Mike Minogue:Yeah, so he's come to me because I know my cars, eh, fellas? Yeah, that's the thing about you, man. You know your cars. Yeah. Five star safety. I agree with that. It's what you want. Yeah. Massaging slash heating seats. Yeah. Dual zone climate control. Yes. Panoramic roof. So the whole roof is. So I can see the sky. The sky. Siggy lighter. Yeah. Night vision. Yes. Tranted windows. Do they have the cars here? I remember there was a big promise back in the day, like in the future, you know, da-da-da-da, that you can do steamers in your seat, you know, that it'll be like a port-a-loo in your seat.

10:03Because that was the big promise, wasn't it? that your car could fly and that you'd never have to stop. You could just take a dump where you were driving. Can I get that?

10:11Mike Minogue:Be able to do poos where you drive.

10:13Keyzie:Think of all the time. You know when you're doing the long trips, all the time you'd save. I know. You just take a massive steamer in the seat there.

10:22Mike Minogue:So if you had to choose between flying cars or being able to do poos where you drive, what would you choose? Steamers.

10:27Keyzie:Because it would have to have some sort of bidet action going on too, presumably. Because you don't want to be wiping after you've done the steamer. You want a jet there. Yes.

10:37Mike Minogue:I feel like we're getting sidetracked here. Yeah, so night vision, and you wanted a really big screen that's like the windshield changes to like a movie screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the whole family can watch a movie. Can be watching the same thing. While you're driving. Because I find that in the screen, you know, these days with people, their screens, they go into their own little bubbles, Kesey. And we are in a bubble in a car, aren't we, for all intents and purposes. So we should just watch the one thing all together as a family. As a family, yeah. Yeah. I'm having a few beers. Obviously one caveat you had or one sort of issue you have to tackle here is you've got three grand to spend.

11:08Mike Minogue:Why is that an issue? Well, it's just because. That's four figures. Have you heard of the saying champagne tastes lemonade budget? Oh, something like that. What's the other one? There's another way of saying that. No, nothing's coming. Lamb dressed up as lamb. Mutt dressed as lamb, yeah, yeah. Right. Like your truckie. No, hang on. No, no, no, no, no. I don't think that saying applies here. I don't think you can afford most of these things with$3 ,000. So we're going to have to prioritise them. Do you need night vision? Do you really need night vision? Well, steamers in the seats, is that possible?

11:42Or is that... Look, if you... Is that really your number one priority? I guess as an option, we could just go nappies. If you're happy to wear a nappy here, or like a Huggies. All right, yeah, I'm willing to...

11:54Mike Minogue:Okay, so five-star safety, I take it that's a priority for you? All one. All one.

12:00Keyzie:As long as it has one of those sort of puffy balloon things when you smack into a pole. Yeah. Yeah, I like those.

12:06Mike Minogue:Okay, so five slash. But just for me. Just on the driver's side, yeah. Just on the driver's side. It doesn't have to be in the back or for the passengers. So just for you? Yeah. Okay. Climate control, dual zone. Has it got window? We can go with just windows. Windows, okay. Yeah. And what about. As long as the window's open. Massaging slash heated seats? You don't need that, eh? You've got the nappy on, man. So it'll be heated if you. Yeah.

12:28Keyzie:You could just do wheeze in your nappy and that would be like a little hot water blanket, wouldn't it?

12:32Mike Minogue:Yeah, true. Hot water blanket. That's a thing. I could take a hot water bottle in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot water bottle. Hot water bottle. Plus wearing the nappy. Yeah. Cigarette light is a definite though, eh? Oh, yeah, yeah. All right, you've got three grand. All right. Some things I'm not willing to sacrifice. Yeah, fair enough, man. A lot of text coming here on 3483. One bloke here's got a 1997 two-door Toyota Starlet. Absolute beast and a woman magnet, it says here. A woman magnet. A Toyota Starlet. Is that how they phrased it? Yeah. 97 Toyota Starlet. Yep. They're great. I drove up to Pearl Jam from Levin in one of those.

13:08Mike Minogue:Right, okay. So you made it? I'll be open to that. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah. It could be the same one. 2009 325i BMW wagon. Heated leather seats. Siggy lighter. 3K all yours. I don't know. I feel like, what is it, a Beamer? I worry about older Europeans. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, cool. Hey, Mogey, this is from Michael. I know exactly what you need. Have you heard of a Nissan Teeter? Now we're talking. Now we're talking. I don't think you should get a Teeter. I think they're garbage. Jase, do you remember when you were buying a new car and you were thinking of buying a Peugeot? Oh, that's right.

13:44Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:47Keyzie:Actually, that's still available if you want it, man. Is it really? That is classy as, Mogey. What about having my name sign written on the side? Can we still do that? Yeah, we could do that. The tinted windows in there? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, we can tag all that on there. It's a beautiful vehicle. Have you considered bikes? Like a Ducati or something like that? A Ducati? Ducati. Yeah, I guess. I mean, I'm pretty keen to get my daughter to school and my wife. You know what I mean? So maybe I could have a... A side carriage. One of those carriers.

14:16Mike Minogue:A side carriage on your Ducati with your hot water blanket. Do you want... Yeah, all of those will do. The Hauraki Big Show Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki Radio Hauraki Celebrating Foo Fighters new album Your Favourite Toy

14:39Keyzie:What was your favourite toy as a kid, Keezy?

14:44Mike Minogue:It was close Between Lego and train sets Lego Yeah, that's how I used to say it What was yours, Jase? A stick and a small rock

14:54Keyzie:Like a bit of cardboard or something like that. Bit of dirt. Bit of dirt.

15:00Mike Minogue:Your favourite toy was a bit of dirt. Dead insects. Just gobble it up, yeah.

15:03Keyzie:If I found a dead insect, like a cicada or something, I'd play with that for a while. What would you do with it? You'd be filthy, no. Oh, you know, just pretend to make it fly like an aeroplane. Whee!

15:14Mike Minogue:Hey, the Foo Fighters have a brand new album. It's been out less than a week. It's called Your Favourite Toy. People are loving it. They are loving it. And to celebrate, old Dave popped over with a box of toys and was like, hey, guys, can you plug the new album and give away some toys? He's a mad bass. And some copies of the vinyl. Yeah. Great news. Just check today, we are actually giving away a copy of the vinyl, which is exciting. Should we go to the lines there, Fearless?

15:35Keyzie:Yeah, let's do it. G'day, Cameron, you're mad bass. And how's life? Yeah, good, mate. How are you, boys? Yeah, good. Thanks, Cameron. You sound like a backbone. What do you do for a crust, mate? Mate, I'm a senior operator, machinery operator and trainer. Just got to be into it. Backbone. Massive backbone. You don't mess with Cam. A senior operator.

15:55Mike Minogue:Bloody oats. What kind of machinery are you operating, Cam? Mobile harbour cranes and forklifts and, yeah, big reach stackers, all sorts. Yeah, big roof stackers, Keezy. Did you say big roof stackers? Yes. It's big rig stackers, isn't it? Reach stackers. Come on, guys.

16:13Keyzie:It's reach stackers, Keezy. Come on, man.

16:16Mike Minogue:Stop embarrassing us. Hey, Cameron. Cameron, do you like the Foo Fighters, man? Love the Foo Fighters, man. Yeah, nice. Good as gold. Have you got a vinyl player? I do. I do. A collect vinyl. Good on you, Ripper. Well, you've got a brand new copy of that brand new album, Your Favourite Toy, man. Too much, boys. Thank you very much. No worries, man.

16:34Keyzie:Also, mate, you're in the draw to go to one of their concerts either in Christchurch or Auckland. Oh, even better. You like that? Yeah, I'd love that. Yeah, man. Yeah, good on you, Cam.

16:43Mike Minogue:He totally gets it, eh, Cam? Yeah, yeah. It'll be you and a mate, Cam. So have a think about that. In the meantime, we'll chuck you out for pugs. Too much, boys. Thanks very much. I love you, man.

16:53Keyzie:Easy on, matey. I love it.

16:56Mike Minogue:You said I love you, and then I quickly put him on hold so he couldn't respond. Yeah. Just in case. He would have embarrassed himself. Yeah, yeah. Probably. Hey, another chance to win some Grohl-approved loot, a copy of the vinyl, and get yourself in the draw to go and see the Foo Fighters live in either Christchurch or Auckland tomorrow on Hauraki. So your best bet, Jase, is just to stay listening. Yeah, totally, man. Oh, yeah. Bit of living colour. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

17:24Keyzie:Yes, indeed, friends. Ferdinand there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday afternoon. The time, ten minutes to five. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

17:39Yes, yeah. Hey, fellas. I watched, let's say it was over the weekend, even though it wasn't, Kung Fu Panda 3 Oh wow You seen that Matt? Seen the first one Love it Wow It's one of the great films Kung Fu Panda It's one of the all time Great films

17:56Mike Minogue:I wouldn't go that far It's one of the best films Ever made I agree Sorry Kung Fu Panda 3 Yeah the third one And can I just say That the third one I think is better Than the first one Do you know what's interesting Yes Or boring Is for some reason I never give any of those Animated films Like what's the second movie called The sequels A chance I always just go Nah I'm seeing the original all that's all. You've never seen Toy Story 2 or 3? Except for Toy Story. I've seen 2 and 3. Well, your whole argument has just completely collapsed live on national radio. It's gone up in flames, Keezy. Well, I don't know if it's gone up in flames.

18:29Mike Minogue:It absolutely reeks now. How are we going to take anything you say seriously? And I've seen Shrek 2 actually.

18:37Keyzie:So we're... Shrek, another great movie. Toy Story, another great movie. Might start getting back into the old animated movies. Oh, they're very very good. This one's a story of a Kung Fu panda, and he fights a few bad guys, et cetera, et cetera. Very, very good. Very, very liked it a lot. Four, solid four out of possible five buzzies, I'll give it.

19:00Mike Minogue:The thing about those movies, which are great, I assume, having a child, is that you can all watch it together as a family and all enjoy it. That's right. I mean, she was trying to watch it. I said she had no chance. She had to go to bed, because we all put it on at about 9.30 at night, 10 o 'clock at night. Right, send her to bed, then watch Kung Fu Panda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, hurry up and get her to bed so we can get through our Kung Fu Pandas. Right. Nice. So we're going backwards, though. We're going to do three first, then two. Then one. Then we're going up to four. And then back down to one.

19:25Wow. How many are there, actually? 17. Wow.

19:30Keyzie:Yeah, actually, you reminded me. 15's great. Kung Fu Panda 15. Yes. Have you seen that one? No. Which one's that? He finds out he's got a long-lost brother. Oh, no. But the brother is a giraffe. Kung Fu giraffe? Yes. Far out, what did you watch, Jase? I finished off a series that I've been watching called Gone, about a headmaster. He's a headmaster of a very correct English school. He's a headmaster, eh? He's a headmaster. And his wife goes missing. Drama. It's a British drama. I finished it off last night. And Morrissey, the main actor, I can't remember his first name. David Morrissey. I've never rated as an actor.

20:11Yeah.

20:11Keyzie:Never rated him. is very good in this. Yes. And at the very end, his performance was amazing. I was like, how come I never rated this guy? I never believed any of the characters he did, but his performance in this is very, very good. Right, well, I've got to finish it off then. I think I'm about episode four. Yes. And, you know, some nice little twists in there. A good, solid, easy-to-watch drama. Nice. Gone on three now. Three now, right. How many buzzies was that? I'll give it 3.2 buzzies.

20:45Mike Minogue:Out of five, right? Last night I watched the latest episode of Celebrity Treasure Island on TVNZ+. Why? Do you remember, because we like it, Moggy, you watched Kung Fu Panda 15, man. No, that was me. Oh, was it? Do you remember how I said in the first episode that this random actor dude hops off the boat and then Polly Gillespie hopped off, blew her knee out because he didn't help her? Well, I don't know if it's entirely his fault that she blew her knee out. No, but my wife and I were both like, So he's obviously hopping off first to help everyone off. Nope, he's just soldiered onto the beach.

21:15Mike Minogue:Yeah. Now she's done it. Yeah. Anyway, he's like the big dog. This guy, Ben, who's an actor on Shortland Street, and he really rates himself, you can tell. And he put himself into a challenge. He nominated himself because he was so confident. He then won the challenge, sent someone home, and now he's the boss of the camp. And my wife and I are just like, oh, this is going to be good. The big dog's in charge. Get me on there. But you've got to be careful there, Keezy, because I know your missus loves a bald head. And he's a bald head, isn't he? Yeah, he's got a bald head. No, she doesn't like...

21:48Mike Minogue:My wife has a crush on the host of Grand Designs New Zealand who does not have a bald head. But you think we're talking about Grand Designs UK, which has now turned into my wife has a crush on anyone with a bald head. Yeah, it's shocking. Is it?

21:59Keyzie:Well, I just can't help but think that you get turned on by Kirsty on that show now. Whenever I watch it, I think of... Different show. Location, location, location. Oh, Keezy getting horny, and it just ruins the experience for me. Here's the clash.

22:17Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

22:23Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Tuesday's going off. You're listening to The Big Show, incidentally, brought to you by Toledo.

22:30Mike Minogue:That's right, Toledo's natural electrolyte drinks. Don't see us? Ask your pack and save on New World today. Dish, dish, dish. Toledo's.

22:44Mike Minogue:They've added a few stores, fellas. Oh, great. They're in their own stores. No, not their own stores, Mogi. Sorry, they're rolling out across New Zealand. New Zealand-made brand, small brand, family-run.

22:54Keyzie:What, specifically for Toledo's?

22:56Mike Minogue:Yeah, Toledo's. Right. So, Fresh Choice Nationwide. You've got New World, Durham Street, Devonport, Havelock, North, Kumu, Palmerston North, Autara, Palmerston North, Twice There, Papakura, Pukekoi, Queenstown, Silverstream, Mapa Hut, Takao, Fata and Wauku. Plus, Pack and Save, Mill Street, Hamilton, New Plymouth, Pukakoi, Invercargill and Papakura. Or you can get them online, toledos.co.nz. .co.nz. Yeah. Are you writing it down? Yeah. Okay. All of them. You just wrote all of that down. My mum lives in Hamrock North, so that's interesting. Is she? Yeah. My sister lives in Hamilton. Okay. Old Mogey, we call her.

23:29Gets a bit confusing at Christmas.

23:31Mike Minogue:You call your sister Old Mogey? Yeah. What do you call your mum? Old Mogey. Isn't she Marge? Yeah, that's her name, but I'm not going to call my mother Marge, am I? Who does that, man? It's going to be Old Mogey. Because she's the oldest out of all the Mogeys. Totally, but what does Marge call you? Backbones.

23:49Keyzie:Have you ever been in a situation, which is I always found curious, where the children call their parents by their name? Yes. It's quite weird, isn't it? For example, Hoity Jizz. Yeah, well, I mean, my daughters don't call me that.

24:02Mike Minogue:We were around at your place and your daughter was like, hey, Hoity Jizz. What have you done with the coffee there, hoity Janus? Yeah, try not to burn it this time, hoity Jisbot.

24:15Keyzie:Yeah, that's how my children speak to me and my wife after I burn her coffee. I want to reiterate again, she was lying when she said I sulked for two days over that. No, she wasn't.

24:27Mike Minogue:Look, you're still sulking a wee bit. Sometimes it is for my wife. She calls her parents by their first names.

24:32Keyzie:Does she? I don't know. It just doesn't sit right with me. No, it's odd. Because I call my mum and dad Don and Mon. Yes. Yeah. I call them Big Don and Big Mon. Don't call Big Mon Big Mon. How dare you? No, she likes it, man. No, she loves it. You don't know what Mon likes. Keezy, I actually do know what your mum likes, Big Mon. Big Mon.

24:58Mike Minogue:See, I thought that was you doing like a fake accent, but it was just you saying her name. Right, okay.

25:02Keyzie:Hey, coming up, the breakfast fellas. It sounds like they're doing a bit of a weasel here, boys. Yeah, I think so. Again, but we'll get into that next in the meantime. Here's Muse.

25:13Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

25:20Keyzie:Foo Fighters there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. The time is 16 minutes past five o 'clock. And the Breakfast V Big Show Challenge is on. we've decided and agreed upon the bench press. Yeah. 4v4, the best combined weight wins.

25:39Mike Minogue:That's right. That's right. At least we thought that was what was locked in. Yes. This is some audio from breakfast this morning. What we still need to lock in is, are we just going three on three? Yeah, I think so. Okay, sweet. I'm pretty sure that's the way it's going. And one last question for them. Cumulative highest weight, I think, is what we landed on. Is that right? Yep. So my highest number, your highest number. a root is highest number versus theirs. Yeah. Let's get it on because we don't get along. Wow. Were you hoping for a way harder song to kick in there? Yeah. Absolutely, I was.

26:13Mike Minogue:That was so cool, Jerry. But it's a little bit confusing because there's some other audio that we've heard previously which sort of runs counter to that and contrary to that. Yes. Yeah. I want it on record. I think Zoe should be in because that also means that if we lose, then we can blame it on Zoe. Yeah, so for those who don't know, Zoe is the producer of the Breakfast Show. She's in Studio B like Pugs is for us, and they're trying to now suggest at the 11th hour that it should now be 3v3, which I'm all for. So they agreed to the terms initially, though. So they proposed for, we said, yeah, great.

26:45Mike Minogue:Now they've changed it. Now they're changing it. But I don't mind 3v3 as long as we just get to nominate who the three people are. Well, for me, it feels like a disqualification. We've agreed to terms, and now they're changing the terms. They're just disqualified, and we win.

26:58Keyzie:Yes, right. I agree with that. Can I also add that we also had to put up within the relay, you'll recall, fellas, Jerry being replaced by Mike Lane? That's right. Which we said, okay, well, fine, we'll take it on the chin. That's right. I think it's a disgrace what they're doing. I think it is a disgrace. Zoe would kick my ass any day of the week.

27:22Mike Minogue:Well, they're trying to exclude the one female from the show from being part of the comp. Why? It's sexist. It is sexist. It's always been this way.

27:28Keyzie:and I am appalled by them. So I've lied. It's abhorrent behaviour. Abhorrent. It is absolutely abhorrent. Jeremy's been a bludger for as long as I've known him. And now with that relay, he sits it out, so he brings in an abled-body human in the lane, which is just scraping in, because he said he wasn't able to complete the task. Well, we've got Keezy. He wasn't able to complete the task, so how come we weren't able to bring somebody else in? Do you see what I'm saying? That kind of behaviour is abhorrent. Isn't it abhorrent? We've got, you know, we've got our weak links. Thank you. Why are you looking at me?

28:10Keyzie:You know, for all we know, yes, we've got the Punisher Pugsan who's going to smash everyone. But we've also, I mean, Keezy could blow out in any direction. 100%.

28:21Mike Minogue:I could blow out in any direction. Well, the thing is, I'm all for 3v3 as long as we get to choose who the three are. Yes. So we'd obviously go Pug San straight away, first pick. Douche, douche. Mogi and Keezy and Jase, you'd sit this one out. That's right. For them, they can pick their three. Yes. If that's how they want to play. Yes. I would also, I'm so confident, I would also go as far as saying, hey, let's just do 1v1. Yeah. You put your champion forward, we put our champion forward. I would also like to point out, because what they're going to do is they're going to clip this up as well, and they're going to play whatever they want.

28:51I'm going to say that I'm not happy with that because we've already agreed to 4v4. Yes. And it needs to be all of us as teams, our team for drive, their team for breakfast, all against each other. Agreed. Thank you. Fully agreed. Because anything else would be abhorrent.

29:07Keyzie:It's abhorrent. Send that off to the pugs, would you?

29:10Mike Minogue:I'm going to stick it. That's Kings of Leon. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

29:18Keyzie:Stone Temple Pilots here on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. the time. 28 minutes past five.

29:26Mike Minogue:Fellas, a bit of a hypothetical situation, if you will. If we, all three of us, were to somehow get onto a reality show, let's just say Celebrity Chooser Island or a show of that kind of nature, would we all be... Maths. Yeah, not Maths, not Married at First Sight. Love Island. Sure, Love Island. Okay. I've never watched it, but if we were all on there together, would we be in some sort of pact? Three-way. I mean like a pack

29:54Keyzie:I don't know that I'd want to be in a three way Let's stick with Celebrity Treasure Island

30:00Mike Minogue:That's easy So let's say we're all on that We're all on the island Two of us are in one team Maybe one of us is in the other team Is there like an unspoken agreement That we're all in this together And we'll have each other's backs

30:11Keyzie:Yes I would say that I would say that for sure I'd say Keezy I've got your back man There's an unwritten thing where all members of the Haraki Big Show were on the same team when push comes to shove. I don't like the way you're just sort of... I've got your back on this. You can count on me. Like if we were up against each other on a physical challenge, I'd deliberately lose.

30:38Mike Minogue:Bumper to bumper. You'd probably, even if you weren't deliberately losing, you'd probably lose, Jase.

30:43Keyzie:I actually, because I get asked quite often by people would I do those sort of shows? And I've always been nut. Not by any of the producers, though. Not by the producers, but, I mean, what do they know, man? Yeah. I'd actually now think I'd quite like to go on them just to be an absolute piece of work. Yeah, it'll be interesting because, you know, what you need to do is you need to form alliances. Yes. Which wouldn't lean into your strengths as an individual because you'd have to talk to people. Yeah, but it would though, Mogi, because if I need something, I could coerce people into coming on my side.

31:25Now, you have to smuggle things in as well, so that's a big part of it as well, having that trade and things to trade on, isn't it, Keezy? It's not prison. So you don't shelve a... Like backy or something like that? Yeah, a 50-gram pack of backy. Yeah.

31:37Mike Minogue:I mean, I've not seen anyone try and trade that.

31:41Keyzie:Yeah, I'd probably do that too.

31:43Mike Minogue:But like if I was on there, right, so, you know, we'd be like. I'd throw you to the wolves. You know? I mean, yeah. All jokes aside.

31:50Keyzie:Yeah, no, all jokes aside, I would have your back, man. Why are you saying it like that? I would totally back you, Keezy. Okay. What about you, mate? Absolutely, of course. It goes without saying as far as I'm concerned. I mean, we want to see each other do well. This is weirdly earnest. I don't trust it. It's really thrown me. Well, can you imagine if something happened, let's say I made some kind of alliance. Right. For argument's sake, me and Jase did everything we could to make sure that you were gone, Berger, as soon as possible. How uncomfortable would that be back here on the show? Sure.

32:27Keyzie:The only other side of that is because I'm your agent, the more days you're on there, the more cash for me. Is that how it works? Yeah, well, I get a cut of whatever you earn. Yeah, right. So if you were to win and then I could create like a false charity that you could, you know, if you win. The hundred grand. Yeah, the hundred grand. You could send it there.

32:52Mike Minogue:Right, okay. And you'd be on the island too.

32:55Keyzie:I'd be on the island too, but I would sacrifice myself.

32:59Mike Minogue:Once again, I don't think you have to sacrifice yourself. I think you'd be gone pretty early. What would your strength be, Jase? The mental. Mental disintegration, I think. Yeah, that's right. You'd fall apart and people would feel sorry for you.

33:11Keyzie:Totally, man.

33:14Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

33:18Keyzie:Yes, indeed, The Verve there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this gloomy Tuesday evening. Now, the New Zealand International Comedy Festival's going on. With that in mind, we're getting all the comedians from within New Zealand and, indeed, around the world. We've got our very own Tony Lyle here today. G'day, Tony at Mad Barton. How's life?

33:38Mike Minogue:I'm very good. Sorry to talk over you immediately. I'm just so excited to be in the room with the three of you. Yeah, man. Normally they drag me in here. It's because you guys are away cruising around somewhere cool in Aotearoa, New Zealand, and they maybe come and impress the buttons. But now I get to see your faces. In the flesh. Yeah, it's actually quite rough, to be honest. You guys are looking there with a bit of airbrush, to be fair.

33:57Keyzie:Oh, do you think? I thought I was looking quite good today.

33:59Mike Minogue:And it's easy coming from you, Tony. You're so hot. Thanks, man. It's just that you're sitting right beside a photo of your airbrush self, Jason. I don't want to come straight in and start abusing you, but you should really get them to do a little bit of work on that to make it look a bit more lifelike so it does you more favours in real life. Jase loves that photo of himself.

34:14Keyzie:I hate that photo so badly. Hey, Tony. Hang on, just before you crack into it, Jase, I just want to say that the reason Jase looks so good, even though you're saying he doesn't look as good as something that's airbrushed, is because he's got a new shirt on. Do you like it? I love that new shirt. Is that brand new or new to you? Oh, well, it's, I mean, my wife likes to do secondhand shopping. Yes. And so it's not brand new, but it's new in every other sense. Come on, Jase. It's new to my wardrobe.

34:36Mike Minogue:That's crisp, mate. You know what I mean? I was going to say, if that's brand new, it's certainly one of those distressed items that you buy. Yeah, that cool people wear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Keezy when he wears those big rips in his jeans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He always does that, old Keezy. Tony, your show in the New Zealand International Comedy Festival with Best Foods, mate, which is on right now, is called Crowdwork Comedy. Incorrect, Keezy. It's called Crowdwork Comedy Kia Carnival. Kia Carnival. You've got to scroll down there, mate. There's a few more words. Yeah, so you've added Kia Carnival.

35:05Mike Minogue:Sorry about that, Tony. Yeah, I was actually just trying to get a shameless Kia Carnival sponsorship and have been in touch with the good folk at Kia. They said, not this time. But I'll still continue to say how we get it. Go, go, go get a Kia, buy one. If I plug them enough eventually, sure, it's going to come back to me. The dam's going to break. The dam's going to break. You're just going to be relentlessly positive about these sort of things. Yes. Now, the thing I know about crowd work comedy. Yes. Because I learned. Is there anything you learned from me? Which I learned from Mogey. Crowd work Mogey, they call them.

35:32Mike Minogue:Is you sort of do crowd work when you don't really have anything prepped. Well, you would know about that. But no, I do a lot of prep. So the show itself is, I would say, structured in a way that allows me the freedom. So you take a few risks with the crowd, talk to the crowd. There's a lot of input they'll give before the show starts. They'll give me ideas for a whole range of topics. And then during the show, we'll draw back on what they've already given me. So it's not just me wandering out there and going, what are you guys up to? What do you do for a cross? Oh, backbone. No, no, no. I'll leave that to you guys here.

36:00Mike Minogue:But no, so there are some elements of what we'd know about crowd work. so asking people what they do do for a living, that sort of thing. But there's also a few curveballs in there as well.

36:08Keyzie:I'll tell you what Mogi did, which was brilliant. He asked people what the photo on their phone was. Their wallpaper. The wallpaper. Very good. That kicked ass, man. Jase was really a pain of the picture there, but I would ask couples because more often than not, you would find that one of the couple had a picture of their partner and the other person in the partnership had a picture of a dog or a cat or in the case of my wife, whatever came with the phone. She's still got the automatic screen.

36:34Mike Minogue:That could be one of one. I don't know if there's any other person in maybe the universe running the default phone setting.

36:41Keyzie:100 % completely agree. I've got one of Keezy and Pugs, which they put on there about five years ago and I don't know how to get rid of. That's nice. Well, there you go. Look. Oh, I was definitely expecting to see their genitalia there, but no, that's their faces. No, that's more the private chat, man. That's in the private area. Tony, we've just had the comedy gala, and everyone was telling us you killed. Hey, thanks, man. It was a fun night. That you rocked it. That you genuinely rocked it.

37:07Mike Minogue:And this is what I love about when you get feedback about doing comedy in New Zealand is people have to give you a compliment, but they also afterwards have to go, and genuinely, by the way. No, no, no. So often people will go, For Tony, everyone has gone out of their way to say that is the best they've seen you do. Well, thanks very much. I appreciate it. For Tony, it was really good.

37:26Keyzie:I could not believe it. I mean, he's come a long way, they were saying.

37:31Mike Minogue:It was like Tony killed, man. It was awesome. Well, when I walked off, I was handing out some flyers for the show, crowd book comedy, Keir Canterville at Q Theatre on Wednesday and Saturday night. That's tomorrow night, 7.45. And Saturday night, 7.45. Tickets at comedyfestival.co.nz. I was handing those flyers out after the show. And a guy saw me and goes, hey, you're the guy from the show. You know, you were actually quite funny. That's great. That's pretty good. Actually. I thought the most New Zealand response to it.

37:55Keyzie:It is a very Kiwi response. You're actually funny. I was expecting it to be real shit, but actually you're all right. It's actually not bad. You could deal with actually funny. Well, you were quite funny, but actually quite funny. The double-double. Stepping down.

38:10Mike Minogue:It's just nice to give you space to go. Give you space to move down. And I think that honest feedback from Kiwis is what I expected. But everyone was genuinely, everybody in the office, and unsolicited as well. We said, how was it last night? Everyone said, fuck, we're out. Tony was good. Nice, Mogey. absolutely nailed it well in that vein I actually gave Minaya Stewart a ride home after the after party and can I just tell you my wife drove and I got the Minaya Stewart follow up text the morning after saying hey thanks for the ride and I'm sorry to your missus for chewing earlier off he was coming in hot and it was a real treat and I love the follow up text in the morning

38:50Keyzie:just checking that everything is okay we all tickety boo

38:54Mike Minogue:You haven't said anything that was horrific, so it was good to see him out there, and it was a hell of a night. Well, once again, comedian Tony Lyle, Radio Hauraki team member as well. He's got his show, Crowdwork Comedy, Kia Carnival. It is on tomorrow night, the 6th, which is a Wednesday, 7.45pm. Saturday as well on the 9th, 7.45pm. If you'd like to get tickets, comedyfestival.co.nz. Search for Tony Lyle. Thanks for coming in, man. How are you, boys? Thanks very much. Good idea, mate. You could call it actually quite funny Nisantida. I like it. I don't mind being a bit of a teeter-fire. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki.

39:27Keyzie:Pixies there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday night. Now, because it's Tuesday, of course, as always, after 6 o 'clock, what's on the dinner with me, Keezy?

39:42Mike Minogue:Yeah, that's right. It's where you text through what you're having for dinner on 3483. Include your name, where you're from as well, because that adds a bit of spice, fellas, to the segment. Yes. In fact, I actually had a text the other day saying, hey, Kesey, what changes are you going to make to this segment to keep it fresh for 2026? Do you guys have any ideas? Oh, I was talking to the bosses, and they said it's time to put a bullet in it. Absolute back panic. That's not – that's something you say. That's not the other bosses talk. I mean, that's what the bosses were saying. I'm paraphrasing.

40:11Right, okay. But they said, yeah, you've got to put it in a sack and throw it off a bridge into the river.

40:18Mike Minogue:Wow, that's what they said about my segment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They said you've got to hold it by the scruff of the neck and bury its head in a trough. And they said that about my segment.

40:30Keyzie:Yeah.

40:30Mike Minogue:Well, it was more about your segment.

40:33Keyzie:You know what, it was the segment. Yeah, no, definitely it was the segment.

40:37Mike Minogue:But why were they telling you that instead of just having that conversation face-to-face? I'll tell you what, it was weird. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. Very odd.

40:44Keyzie:Well, I think they just rely on Mogi and I to sort of break it. to you, you know what I mean? Just so that we can do it in a way that you don't get... You sort of sugarcoat it. Yeah, sugarcoat it.

40:58Mike Minogue:You don't get upset. That stuff Mogey was just doing, that was sugarcoating. Put a bullet in it. Yeah, I mean... What's the segment called again? What's on the tea with me dinner? That's right, yeah. If that was a duck, get your shotgun out. Yeah, right. Well, still, tonight we'll do it. Oh, 100%. No, they said give it another six to eight months. Yeah, see how we go. Okay. Yes.

41:24Keyzie:All right, well. Incidentally, what are you having for dinner tonight, Keezy? Because it's been massively disappointing.

41:30Mike Minogue:Tonight, my wife has actually got a recipe for, get this, weird, never heard of it before. Oh, God. Dumpling curry. Oh. So she's got dumplings in the freezer, really nice ones that we've been wanting to use. Nice ones in the freezer, eh? Yeah. And we'll fry those up. and then you put them in like a curry, like a katsu-y kind of curry. That sounds delicious. Yeah. I don't see why not. You could do the soups, can't you? So it's more of your – it's a different part. You're mixing a couple of different parts of Asia there, Keezy. Yeah, why not? You're okay with that? Yeah, 100%.

42:00Keyzie:Will it be on like rice or just the dumplings in a sauce?

42:04Mike Minogue:It'll be on a plate, obviously.

42:05Keyzie:Well, obviously on a plate, yes. Or a bowl. Or would you have it in a bowl? I'll probably have a bowl. It'll just go over if it was in a plate. Why? How wet is your sauce? Yeah, Keezy, how wet's your sauce?

42:15Mike Minogue:Mind your own business. But yeah, look, 3483, what are you having for dinner? Text it through and you can win 50 bucks cash. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

42:31Keyzie:Welcome back, you're massive backbones. How's your Tuesday night going? Text us on 3483 and let us know. In the meantime, this is The Big Show brought to you by Toledo's. Do natural electrolyte beverages low in sugar

42:45Mike Minogue:We're going to know preservatives, natural flavours, natural colours, family friendly. Made it Aotearoa!

42:52Mike Minogue:Tomatoes! Sorry, you threw me off a bit there. You've got to be ready, man. You've got to be sharp. Because it's like improv. Is it? Have you heard about improv before? No, what's that? People just improvise things and they just throw things out willy-nilly to spice things up a little bit, you know? I don't think that would work for our show because obviously our show is fully scripted. Yeah, it's highly, highly scripted. Anyway, it was just an idea. Yeah, forget it. Well, I don't want to upset you. I mean, I don't want to poo-poo your ideas. I mean, we can try it. Can you yuck my yum? Because that is my yum.

43:25My yum is when people yuck all over my yum. Have you ever heard about that? Yeah. Have you ever yucked all over somebody's yum?

43:33Mike Minogue:I think so. Do you ever yuck people's yum, Jason? What is your yum?

43:39Keyzie:Well, I'll tell you what's yucking over my yum at the moment. Buddy Pugsang keeps sending me these reels on Instagram, and it's doing my head in now.

43:50Mike Minogue:I actually got sent one from Jase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to get into this, and this was a little prelude, I guess, and maybe we'll do a bit of a chat about this tomorrow. But the question is, what does the reels that you get sent by other people say about you as an individual? Say about you. And also them, I guess, as well. So literally, the latest reel Jase has sent me is a clip of a guy, He's a bit of a weird-looking bastard. And the caption is, when your boss asks for proof of your stomach ache, and then it's this guy just sort of like recording himself ripping ass. And he sent that to me.

44:24Mike Minogue:You know what I mean? So I don't want to see that. Yeah, you're a sick bastard. So that's what that says about you, Keezy. Totally. Because he's thinking to himself, well, I know what it'll appeal to Keezy. It'll be this guy ripping ass and sending it to his boss.

44:34Keyzie:Hey, speaking of ripping ass, make sure you check out the podcast outro that gets released at 7.30 tonight because there's a bit of a rip-ass yarn in that one as well after I made some quality French onion soup.

44:47Mike Minogue:That's right. Yeah, if you want to listen to a podcast about Jase farting, that comes out at 7.30. By the way, sorry, Jase, earlier in the show you said, how's your Tuesday night going? And then you said, text us, 3483. That's right, I forgot about that. It's kind of muddied the waters a wee bit because what's on the dinner with me, T, with me, Keezy's coming up next. Yes. And what we actually need is people to text in what they're having for dinner on 3483 along with where they are and what their name is. We could change the name of the segment to The Back Paddock with Me Keezy. No, it's already been changed three times.

45:16Mike Minogue:Leave my segment. What if we go back to What's For Dinner, New Zealand? That's crazy, Tim. That's crazy, Tim. Here's Sheehat. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

45:28Keyzie:Radiohead there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. The time is 13 minutes past six o 'clock, which means it's time for...

45:36Mike Minogue:Oh, yeah, hey, guys. Text here from Steve. What's on the tea with me, dinner with me, Keezy? That's good. Yeah, it's so good. What's on the dinner with me, tea with me, Keezy? Were you texting on 3483? What are you having for dinner? Say your name. Where are you texting from too? Just to make it a bit more interesting. If actually you had the heads of TVNZ came to me and Jason, they said they want to turn this into a TV show. Really? Yeah. But the heads of our company want it back paddock, want it gone. That's the thing. They say it's got TV written all over it. is wasted on radio. But I think there's probably a feature film in it.

46:13Mike Minogue:A feature film? Quite possibly, yeah. Is it just me reading out texts? Pretty much. I'd watch that. Nah, I probably wouldn't. Probably just watch Location, Location, Location. G'day there, fellas. Willie here. Willie Offering Galway. Come on, Jase. I was going to say. Willie Jackson. Come on, Jase. Willie Awoni. Epiata? Epiata. Unfortunately, you're racist. No, it's actually Willie Nelson. G'day, guys. Willie Nelson here from Dunedin. For dinner, I'm having some fresh roast duck, boiled swede and mashed potato and a light gravy. What do you think? I love it. I love it. But it is the season for the old duck.

46:56It is.

46:57Keyzie:That sounds good to me. I'd like a green. Oh, was there no green there?

47:02Mike Minogue:Nah, it was just macadies and swede. Not what? Swede. Swede. Oh, no, sweet. Shulkin. Get rid of that and get a bit of green in there, mate. Ooh, maybe some spinach, actually. Some sautéed spinach. I would go some broccolini. Ugh. Mad bastard. Ugh. You're off your head. Are you wasted? G'day there, guys. Jacob here. Or him. The muss. It's actually Jacob the muss. G'day, guys. Here's Jacob the muss from Palmy. I'm having pork mince nachos. Don't yuck my yum. Yuck. No, you don't yuck as yum, man. I've never had pork mints, Nachos. They sound yummy. Yeah, I don't know that I have a problem with that.

47:48I'm not really on the bandwagon for the pork mints. There's not really a pork mints bandwagon. Well, there is, and you're on it. You're right. You're at the front. You've got the reins in your hand, and you're giving it death. You love your pork mints. You're leading the charge, Keezy. Yeah, you're on the bandwagon, and you're like, Get your pork mints, get your pork mints. Yeah, you're on the bandwagon and you're trying to get everybody else to eat the pork mints and I'm sort of standing on the side of the road having a dart watching you go past. I'm just thinking, I don't know, man. Yeah, it doesn't really appeal.

48:20And you go to me, you go, you want some pork mints, mate? And I'm like, nah, shit. And you're like, right, eh? Right.

48:28Mike Minogue:I didn't realise I was on a pork mints wagon given at death. But I guess I am, you're right. I like the sound of that, mate. G'day there, fellas. Peter here. Plumley Walker. Ehrlich. Plumley Walker. Yeah. Roast chicken with all the... Hang on. No, carry on. Roast chicken. Is he? Yes. Roast chicken with all the trimmings. Cheers. What are the trimmings? Wear your tatoes.

48:56Keyzie:Wear your tatoes. Probably some steamed greens. Peas? Some peas? What's a trimming exactly? You know what I mean? What's the definition of a trimming? With all the trimmings you're saying, but what is a trimming exactly?

49:11Mike Minogue:I think, yeah, your broccoli, some peas there. I was just looking for the definition of a trimming. I know what it ends up being, but where does a trimming start and end? I don't know. Certainly couldn't ask. Is a gravy a trimming? Is it? That's more of a condiment.

49:26Keyzie:Yeah, I almost feel like trimmings is to do with your gravies and so forth, rather than your specific... Because he's saying a roast chicken with all the trimmings.

49:36Mike Minogue:Yes. Okay, in the context of a meal, trimmings usually refer to the traditional additional side dishes served alongside a main course. Right. So, for example, roast potatoes, parsnips, Yorkshire puddings, stuffing, gravy, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower. Those are all trimmings.

49:56Keyzie:How are you guys on Brussels sprouts? I think they're fine as long as they're disguised to taste like something else. Right, wait, have you ever roasted them? They tasted like pork mitts, I'm in.

50:05Mike Minogue:Oh, so do you like pork mitts? The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

50:13Keyzie:The Black Keys there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday night. The time is 6.25.

50:20Mike Minogue:Hey, fellas, there is a brand new house party happening as part of the Comedy Festival. Poor Nicky House Party, it's called this Sunday, May 17th, which is actually in a couple of weeks. It's at the Opera House down in Wellington there. The Opera House, you been there? Yes. Sydney Opera House. No, it's down in Wellington. The profits are going to be donated to the Mayoral Flood Relief Fund.

50:42Keyzie:Yep.

50:42Mike Minogue:If you'd like to go for free, though.

50:43Keyzie:Is that when they had all the poos and that? No, no, they had massive amounts of flooding in the last couple of weeks down there. Oh, right. Huge amount. Did you not see that?

50:52Mike Minogue:No. But basically, you can expect comedy, music, a bit of a fusion of the two. A whole lot of comedians. You've got members of the Phoenix Foundation are going to be there as well. Heaps of great comedians. James Nokese, Rhys Mathewson. Torfinger is going to be there as well, one of my favourites. So if you would like to go to that, comedyfestival.co.nz or text HOUSE to 3483 to maybe get a free double pass.

51:15Keyzie:Great stuff, mate. Fellas, I had a strange encounter today on the streets of the CBD of the Hoytikon.

51:25Keyzie:It was about 9am. I was in my trackies, my sweatshirt, and I went, oh, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to make dinner for my wife so she doesn't have to worry about it. A bit early? Well, you know, I had to go and get ingredients. Oh. And so I was walking along the street, Elliot Street, actually. You guys familiar with Elliot Street? Just on the supermarket there. And about 10 to 15 metres ahead of me, on a bench, I noticed a fella. and the reason that I noticed him was because he was holding a full big bottle of Jack Daniels. Oh, yeah. And I immediately went, oh, yeah, here we go. My first thought was, where did he get that from?

52:08Keyzie:Because it was nine in the morning, full bottle, the liquor stores aren't open. Where did he get that from? Anyway, that's by the by. It's nothing to do with me. But I kept an eye on him as I was walking. He cracked open the bottle. And without a word of a lie in about 10 seconds, drank about a third of it. Wow. Just sculled it. Responsibly, though. Responsibly. And I've got to say, it was quite shocking to behold at that time of the day. Well, at any time of the day, I went, whoa, okay, that's pretty intense. And I remember thinking as I walked past him, friend, you're in for one hell of a day.

52:46Keyzie:Because if I took you 10 seconds to get through a third of a bottle, you'll finish that bottle pretty damn quick, I think. and you'll have a whole bottle of Jack Daniels in you. So I went to the supermarket. I came back. I was walking back and I clocked him again. I didn't even think about it. When you say you clocked him, you punched him in the face. No, I didn't. I just caught his eye again. He was still on the park bench. He caught my eye at the same time and I was like, oh, no. Oh, no. And he pointed at me and he started smiling and he was just pointing at me. And I was like, oh, no. So I couldn't change direction because it would have been pretty obvious, you know.

53:24Keyzie:So I just kept walking. He ended up right in my space. And he was looking at me and he was just punching his chest, his heart, and smiling at me.

53:35Mike Minogue:Beating his chest. Weird.

53:36Keyzie:And just doing that. And I was like, okay. And then, without a word of a lie, out of the blue, he just grabbed me and gave me a hug. Oh. And I was like, whoa, this is a bit full on. And he was like, I can see you, bro. I see you. Yeah, I see you. I see you, bro. Yeah. I see you. A lot of people here don't see you. I see you, bro. I see you. Because you need that, eh? Exactly.

53:58Mike Minogue:That sort of validation.

53:59Keyzie:And I was like, oh, thanks, man. Thanks. Are you still in the hug at this point? No, we'd broken out of the hug. And he mentioned TV and he was sort of smiling. And I went, oh, you know, maybe one day I'll do some more, whatever, man. And you have a good day. And I walked off. I got about five metres away And he goes Jase And I turned around So he knew my name And I went Yeah mate And he went Just have a durry bro I shit you not And I was like So he's obviously listening to the show Wow And then I buggered off Because who knows what was going to happen

54:41Mike Minogue:I don't like that this random guy Is telling you to have a durry How good's this guy Moggy's put him up to that I did wonder if Mogi had put him up to it. Well, he just sounds like another backbone that's putting his day off to the best possible use. Yes.

54:55Keyzie:There was just the faintest twinge of envy, I must have, because he was smoking durries. He'll be listening now. What have you got to say to him, Jase? You're a backbone.

55:04Mike Minogue:You didn't have a durry, though, right? No, I didn't have a durry. Okay, the bet still stands, I think. Does it? The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki.

55:22Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's the big show done and dusted for your Tuesday night. What's the podcast outro clip today, Keezy?

55:30Mike Minogue:This clip comes from an outro that comes out at 7.30 tonight. It's entitled Lead Poisoning. They actually all died from lead poisoning. From the tin food. Not from eating s***. Well, you would think that's where you keep all your lead is in your a**.

55:47Keyzie:Well, if eating a** killed you, I'd be dead long ago. Yay. There he is.

55:52Mike Minogue:Backbone. You are a backbone, Jase. It's good stuff, man. I love it when Pugs picks one that just Jase hates. This is a shocker.

56:05Keyzie:Oh, no, I don't hate it. It's all good. He loves it. It's all good, man. You have to check out the podcast to know what we were talking about. Though I think it's pretty obvious. Yeah. Mogey. Hey, man. What's your plans for the evening? What a great question, Jase. I'll walk home this evening. Yes. Just think about my day, about my life. I'll probably go for a walk. There's a park just down the road from us. I like to go for a walk through there. Yes. Give runners a fright. Have you ever done that? No. It's pretty cool. So I'll do that for a few hours. Oh, wow. And then I'll toodle off home, have a little bit of dinner, and read my book, still reading my book.

56:39Mike Minogue:They'll probably be able to smell you, though. What, are you, like, hiding in the bushes? No, well, yeah, the bushes as well, but also I get up in the trees and I fall down, either in front of them or behind them. Yeah, right. And I just give them a hurr of a fright.

56:51Keyzie:Yeah. That's great. Nice. Keezy, dumplings in a katsu sauce or a... Katsu curry, yeah. Yeah, katsu curry tonight.

57:01Mike Minogue:Dumplings, that's what my wife's making. I'll let you know if it's good.

57:03Keyzie:Yeah, let us know tomorrow, will you? Yeah, can you get your wife to send me the recipe?

57:06Mike Minogue:No, I can send it to you, all right? I'll send it direct.

57:10Keyzie:Thanks, man. Because we've actually got some dumplings in our freezer, Mogey. Oh, they must be really nice ones like Keezy. Yeah, I hope so. She's got some really nice frozen ones.

57:17Mike Minogue:They'll be yummy. And then we'll probably watch Celebrity Treasure Island.

57:20Keyzie:CTI.

57:21Mike Minogue:And then probably have an early one.

57:23Keyzie:Oh, okay. That was a weird look you gave me then. It wasn't. It was just me saying I would have an early one. Okay, yeah. Hello. Is that on every night?

57:34Mike Minogue:CTI. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday on TVNZ. Right. Yeah, what are you doing tonight, man?

57:38Keyzie:I'm going to go home. Oh. and have my delicious spicy chicken soup. Bought some lovely crusty French bread as well, which I'll dip in there. And then just hang out with my wife, Chitty Chat. Go to bed, read my book. Go to sleep. Probably rip ass at some point. See you. Bye. Bye.