FULL SHOW: The Confession (feat. Phil Nichol)

17:44Absolutely humongous. It used to be a regional thing, but Vince McMahon made it a national thing. Some really good stuff in there. He did some stupid, stupid things in his life, but it was some heartwarming stuff. And then by the time he starts talking about politics in the last episode, I turned it off. I don't really give a shit about what Hulk Hogan thinks about politics, if I'm honest. But up until that point, really good. I give it four buzzies. If you like your wrestling, jump on it. It's very honest about all of the things. It's not sort of a puff piece by any stretch of the imagination.

18:16So that is Hulk Hogan, and that is on Netflix. Good stuff, mate. Four buzzies out of a possible five.

18:22Keyzie:That's not bad. Really good. I watched the docu-series, fellas, called Should I Marry a Murderer on Netflix there. I watched the same one. Yes. An intriguing tale it was With a woman who was about to marry The sort of man of her dreams Kind of set up And then she finds out some information Can I guess what it is? He's a burglar Correct And then she has to go through Or do I go ahead with this Having this knowledge that I now have But it becomes a real tale of debauchery and drugs And she makes some pretty baffling decisions because she's doing so many drugs with this particular fella. Look, it wasn't too bad in terms of that kind of documentary series.

19:08Keyzie:I'd give it three out of five buzies. Yeah, I watched the same thing and I enjoyed it. A pretty harrowing tale of a complete lack of support from the police and mental health services. She was going through some intense stuff and they just abandoned her. Right. And so I think it's definitely worth a watch, yeah. Yes. so over the weekend my wife and I had Saturday sorry no Friday night became free we had it booked out and all of a sudden it became free we were like let's watch a movie my wife was like yes that's great what do you want to watch and I said well we enjoyed A Beautiful Mind a few months ago let's watch the next sort of based on a true story Ron Howard film Apollo 13 starring Tom Hanks based on a true story all the things she loves to hear great that's good okay cool first before we do that though we've just got to we've got to sort out this admin thing that we had to deal with oh god That took an hour and a half.

19:55We ended up watching Location, Location, Location. Keezy, come on, man. But we watched the trailer and it looks great. Oh. It looks really great. So we're going to watch it, which is really great. Listen, we should start a segment where Keezy reviews films that are 30 years old. And that he should have seen eight times by now. 100%. I love these films. It's like, oh, that's why everyone's banging on about them. But can I just say, in Location, Location, Location, this elderly couple, well, they weren't elderly. They were sort of mogie's age. Yes, they're quite old. No, but they were downsizing, you know.

20:23so their kids had left they were downsizing and everywhere Phil went Phil Spencer like do you like this house the lady was just like oh no and she was super negative and then at the end of it they were like yeah I don't think we're really ready to buy and they were like well yeah you have to figure out do you even want to sell and buy right now complete waste of both Phil and Kirstie's time and quite frankly my time yeah I was fuming what episode number was that

20:45Keyzie:season 23 episode 7 season 23 but at least she got to check out Kirstie again Keezy I'm not checking her out mate that would have made your Friday night a bit spicy. I must admit, my wife is a bit iffy around her now when we're watching. She's just like, oh, why do you want to watch this? But I give it 4.9 buzies out of 5. Oh, come on, man. TVNZ+. Here's Kings of Leon. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed. Led Zeppelin there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 5 to 5. Hey, fellas. Aotearoa's boldest food competition is back.

21:24The Monteith's Wild Food Challenge. How good? Is that back? It's happening all May. Because it used to happen. A hugely successful comeback last year. Over 60 restaurants, pubs and eateries nationwide taking part. They're all creating one-off special edition dishes using some wild food that you might not usually get on the menu there. Like what? I don't know, venison.

21:47Keyzie:We had some beautiful venison on Friday, didn't we, fellas? Venison's good eating. Yeah, it was good stuff. It was bloody good. Very tender, falling off the bone. Every time I've sort of had it, it's been cheaper. It's been cheaper than your beef or your lamb or anything like that for some reason. And because you would think scarcity would push the price up. And really high on protein. Bloody beautiful. Yeah, that's right. Whether it comes from the sea, the forest, or somewhere unexpected, every dish promises a memorable flavor experience. Plus, if you listen to The Breakfast Show here on Hauraki every single morning for the month of May, you can be in to win a$100 Montese Wild Food Challenge dining voucher.

22:24Great stuff, Kesey.

22:25Keyzie:Speaking of breakfast, we've sent the challenge to the fellas for the Brekkie versus the Big Show challenge, and I believe fellas have responded. Yeah, we're doing bench press. That'll happen over the next couple of weeks. Yes. Let's see what those plonkers have got to say to us. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Monday's going along tickety-boo. You're listening to The Big Show, by the way, brought to you by Toledo's. Out with outdated hydration, in with Toledo's, the new standard in clean electrolytes.

23:08Keyzie:Toledo's. Damn. Fresh choice across the country. Toledo's is available. New World's as well rolling out and pack and saves as well across the country. Keep an eye out. New Zealand business starting small. Yeah, man. They're Kiwi mates, so get them behind. Get right in there behind it. Yeah, get fully behind it, fellas. Hey, big hour coming up, guys. We've got UK comedian Phil Nickel coming in. How good's he? No, I'm asking you. I've never heard of him. He's very, very good. He's great. I knew him back in the day, Moggy, when I did the old stand-up comedy. Really? Yeah, yeah, we were great mates for a while.

23:43Keyzie:Yeah, right. Yes. Really? That's crazy because, you know, obviously the UK doing massive things. Yes. And here I am in New Zealand just going off. Going off is right. He texted me before to say, jeez, Jase, I've been looking at your profile here in New Zealand. Boy, you've really got, you're going great guns. Is that what he said? Yeah, totally. Great guns because that's something you say. I know, it's weird, eh? Did he also say, fill your boots? No. Oh. But anyway, other than that, there's a lot coming up. This is our fellas. Plus, up next, we've got to respond to Brekkie that was still on our ass about this challenge thing.

24:16Plus, Mogie, you've got something to confess. I do. I've got something to confess, fellas. Oh, that'll be good. Yeah, can't wait.

24:21Keyzie:In the meantime, here's the Black Keys. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed. Metallica there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is exactly 14 minutes past 5 o 'clock. And Fialz, the breakfast v. Big Show Challenge is on. Yeah, this time it is bench press. Old Mogey, be happy about that. Loving it, man. I'm absolutely frothing it. Haven't been to the gym, really, for a long time. I went last week just to see where I'm at. We'll see how we go, I guess. Yeah, no good. Well, the idea is a combined total of weight, isn't it?

25:01Keyzie:Yeah, that's right. When's the day? And we've got the massive secret weapon of old Pugsan. Yeah, so in my head, unleashing Pugsan is like, you know, the president walking in with a briefcase, putting in a code, opening it, hitting a big button that says secret weapon, and then Pugsan walks out and benches like a thousand. Yeah, totally. I can't wait. It's going to be awesome. Did you guys get the videos that he sent through too in terms of training and getting ready for it? I don't open any videos that Pugsan sends through, man. Yeah, fair cool, fair cool. Oh, was he sending three training montages of him?

25:35Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, just to prepare for the big challenge. What were they looking like? He was beasting it, man. Oh, man, I'm so stoked. He was beasting it. Seriously, I reckon him alone could take up the breakfast show. Well, obviously, I agree with you there, Jase. And I think the way we should do it is the three of us go and get ours out of the way and put our numbers up. Yes. And then we sort of go to the secret weapon after that. Well, that's all part of it, isn't it? I mean, we've got so many different areas of this which we need to argue and work out with breakfast. I understand they've got a bit of audio there from this morning, Kesey.

26:07We don't know what's at stake yet. So I don't know what the... I mean, I do think it's criminal that they're flying Jason Hoyt over to sit in a hotel room for Magic Round. Well, how about that? If we say, well, whoever wins this gets to go to Magic Round. Yeah, then he's just going to say, well, I'm already going, sir. But then he probably doesn't want. Yeah, what about if we win, then you get to go to Magic Round or one of us gets to go to Magic Round? Yeah, I'm OK with that. Or swap against the choice of whether or not they want to go to Magic Ground. Yeah, I'm okay with that. I'm fine with that.

26:33Okay, well, let's put that to them. If we win, one of us is coming to Magic Ground with you guys. And if you win, name your prize. What a great idea. That's generous of them that they'd be willing to come to Magic Ground. Yeah, I mean, what's the deal here? What do we get in that situation? Yeah, exactly. We get to stay behind. The funny thing is I would actually be kind of keen for one of them to swap out with Jase and come to Magic Ground. Why, man? I love Magic Round. He does. He bleeds Magic Round. That doesn't make sense. No, he doesn't bleed Magic Round. He bleeds it. When you cut J's open, Magic Round falls out.

27:06Keyzie:Totally, man. It's always the first thing on my calendar every year. I'm fizzing about it. You don't have a calendar. Come on, man. Well, this has brought up a good topic, which is what's at stake here? What's at stake? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, well, previously what we've done is the loser has had to do the opposition's show. So they get the day off. We've had two shows on one day and the winner gets a day off. So we've had two occasions of that where we've lost. Yes. And we have had to do two shows on one day and they've had the day off. Have we lost that twice? Have we done that twice? We've lost that twice.

27:36Yes. And then now that we're on the brink of actually being able to win something, we're changing the game. I don't know why. Yeah. I'm happy to go with we do their show and they do ours. Yes. It makes sense just to do it every time. On a Friday of our choosing. That's right. Because Friday's always the best day for it.

27:52Keyzie:Well, can we do it for a week? Or a month. We do it for a week. Guys, this is exactly what happened with the relay. We started getting cocky, and then old Keezy blew a quad. Okay? So let's just not count our chickens here. Let's just go, yeah, okay. It's just an old school, isn't it? I agree. I agree. Head to head? Yes, head to head. So, Pugs, send that audio through there, man, when you're finished doing your bicep curls in Studio B. Send that through to them, and our proposition is same as, because we want a chance to actually have the day off and then cover our show. Yes. I am concerned, Keezy, because when we did the running race, we did a 4x100 metre relay race.

28:28You were so keen on us, Keezy, getting out there and doing some training, which we did. You nagged at us, and off we went and did it. And now this time around you've said that you're doing absolutely no training. So my concern is that the same thing is going to happen on the day. You're going to be using muscle groups that you haven't used for years and you're going to buckle underneath the weight and make everybody down again. You sound exactly like my wife. Has she been talking to you or something? Because she is like, you've got to go to the gym and practice. Because you know how she talks like that?

28:58Yeah, she does. That's a good impression. Very accurate. No, no, I'll do a few press-ups in there to begin with. Nice. And then I assume we'll all go to a gym at some stage and just sort of see what we could do. Yes. We'll do a few there with the bar. I've got some stuff at home I can start doing things with. But the problem is I don't want to train too hard for it. You know what I mean? Not too hard. You don't want to overdo it. But do something so your body knows what's coming for it. Yeah, true. Well, I think we'd lock that in. Sounds good. Jason, I mean, you are keen to go to Magic Round, right?

29:28You don't want to lock it. You don't want to. Hell yes. Yeah, nice. He bleeds Magic Round. Totally, man. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

29:38Keyzie:Live there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 5.27. Fellas, I've got a confession to make.

29:50and I'm genuinely sorry about this I'm not hoity jay sorry where he apologises I'm sorry sorry you say the word sorry I say the word sorry I'm actually really nervous about this now this year fellas I've not been drinking I've been on the wagon haven't been drinking barely been smoking cigarettes I have had the odd cigarette to be honest with you but I haven't drunk all year because I just needed to keep my mind clear Got a lot of work on there, Keezy Can't afford to be hung over I love the highs, but I can't stand the lows, fellas Yeah And I thought that that was the best thing for me I genuinely did But on Friday night, I got in touch with a mate I hadn't seen him for a long time And we got on the hammer Yeah Till about 3, 4 o 'clock in the morning Wow Steamed, some would say Responsibly Got to the point where I convinced him No, irresponsibly.

30:44Oh, no. It got to the point where I convinced him to come to Magic Round. I paid for his tickets.

30:50Keyzie:What, his flights? His flights? He's got the credit card, booked the flights, he's coming. Now, that would never have happened. I've been trying to get him to come for a year. He said no every single time, and it took me reaching out and spending that quality time with him for him to do something he otherwise would never have done. Yes. And so now we find ourselves in a position where I've been extremely supportive of you, Hoare Jo, and your endeavour to not vape or smoke cigarettes for the month of May, because I genuinely think that that's the best thing for you. But after Friday night and getting on the hammer and smoking a pack of 20, I now know that I was wrong about that.

31:29And I no longer want to encourage you to stay off the vape, to stay off the cigarettes for the month of May. No, this is bullshit. Keezy, please, man. There's not many small pleasures in our life, Hoardy Jane. Yes. I'm hearing you, man. I'm hearing you. No, Jase, don't listen to him. Smoking darts and getting on the vape is one of the only things that you've got good in your life, man. I know your life inside and out. Yes. It's a shocker. It's not that bad, Jase. I mean, on the surface, sure, it looks pretty terrible. And the fact that Kesey is trying to deprive you. I'm not trying to deprive you.

32:02Of one of the small joys in life, which is nicotine and the consumption thereof. Makes me very sad, and I want no further pardon it. I'm sorry. So hang on. I'm sorry that I dragged you into this, man. Literally, the first day of the bet, Mogi has a huge blowout and gets back on the darts. This is bullshit because if you fail, you give him money. No greater joy in my life than what I experienced on Friday night, and I've been robbing myself of that experience this whole year. Yeah, but how have you felt today?

32:32Keyzie:I'm hearing you, Mogi. I'm totally hearing you. Jase, man, stay strong, man. Kia kaha, brother. So if you've been on the vapes, man, if you've been on the Siggies these last few days, totally fine with me, man. I'll take your$100, but I won't like it. And I'll buy some cigars over in Brizzy at Magic Round, man, and we'll go hard, you and me. Jase? Yes? Have you had a vape or any cigarettes this weekend? He's setting me up here. Nah, man, we're all good. Really? Yeah, man. You promise? We're all good. Look at me in the eye and say, you promise? I promise what? that you haven't vaped or smoked. Well...

33:14Pass off!

33:16Keyzie:Look me in the eye and say... Fellas... No, look me in the eye! This is$100! Keezy. Look, he can't look at me! Keezy, I can look at you. Okay. And I'm not making any promises. Are you kidding me? Three days in. Fellas... Three days in! Fellas, now listen There may have been an occasion Yesterday afternoon Where Hoere J may have Been slightly weak $100 You just cost me$100 It lasted all of four days Keezy No The important thing here is I'm not vaping. Yeah. Currently. That's right. He only had a cigarette. Did you have a cigarette? No, I didn't have a ciggy. You had a vape. Well. What did you have?

34:17What did you do? I've got money invested in this. What's happening?

34:23Keyzie:When the month is up, I shall reveal all. But the bet's over. I have to give him$100. No, no. There's no. When the month is up, I shall reveal all. What a great way of doing it. Wait, so is the bet still happening? At this point, it is still happening. Oh, I just don't even give a shit. I don't know what the hell is happening. Up next, Phil Nichols. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Welcome back, you massive backbones. I hope your Monday's going along tickety-boo. Hey, fellas. What's up? The New Zealand Comedy Festival is about to start up again. Are we fizzing? Are we excited?

35:02It's officially underway already, Jess.

35:04Keyzie:I know, that's what I mean. I know what you meant. It's just come upon me, man. And with that in mind, we've got a comedian in the studio with us, Canadian comedian, Phil Nickel. G'day, Phil, you mad bastard. How's life? G'day, mate. How are you doing? The obvious thing that people would ask you, Phil, straight away is the accent. There's something going on with your accent. My accent. I've been living in the UK for about 30 years. Right, I can see. I was born in a place called Cumbernault just outside of Glasgow. My mum's from Cumbernault. Your mum's not from... No, she's not. But imagine if she had a baby.

35:33That would have been amazing. I could be your father.

35:39Keyzie:It's possible. Yes, I was born in Glasgow. And I grew up in Canada, which is where the Canadian name is. And then I was married in Australia. I lived in Australia for five years. Oh, wow. And then I moved from there to the UK. And I've lived in London for about 30 years now. Where's your hat, Phil? Oh, I don't know. Come on, man. I like cats. I love little kids. Where's my heart? I don't know. I think I'm Scottish by all intents. Yeah, yeah. Right, okay. Because I was going to say, you know, as Kiwis, we have a real affinity with Canadians. Yeah, you do. You know what I mean? We've got beautiful countries, friendly people.

36:17Keyzie:We've got the big brother, little brother thing going on. You with the States, don't get me started. No, no. And us with Australia. Oh, yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? So I feel like in some respects we're kindred spirits. And I think it's the same thing for the Scots and the English. Yes. You know, that's why there's a lot of Scottish people in Canada. I think that's why they, and a lot of Scottish people moved to New Zealand. Yeah, a lot of Poms as well. Was there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that one was great. They're all good. They're all good. I love them. I live amongst them. Tell me, Phil, I'm always intrigued, because you're obviously travelling around the world a lot.

36:49Keyzie:What do you crave when you're, you know, going around the world? What does Phil need to eat when you're in a hotel room? That's good. I mean, what are you going for, Phil? I'm intrigued. I'm very much a Southeast Asian fan. Yeah. Hey, man, I'm in noodles. I had noodles today. Oh, my God, you're on the right show. Yeah, you're in the right place. We're dumpling mad and spicy noodle mad on this show. Dumpling mad. I've got a guy that does a show in the UK. His wife is Japanese. And part of my rider is they make me 50 dumplings post-show. I go back to their house and she makes homemade dumplings, 50 dumplings.

37:25It's on the rider. It's in the contract. I only do that show if I get the dumplings.

37:29Keyzie:Yeah, mild, medium, or extra hot? Well, I like a bit of all. I like a bit of all. A bit of all. Have you ever tried a Korean hot dog? No. You mean on a stick? Yeah, I had one today. A corn dog. Really bizarre, man. Mozzarella, sausage, and a fat batter. It's got sauce. It's got sauce on it, Phil. It's got herbs on it. But it's also got sugar on it. What's the sugar? I don't know, man. It blew my mind. I think there's a lot of sugar in modern Asian cuisine, though, right? They sugar everything up. Dipped in sugar is rare, though. It's really you come across a dip in sugar. Well, for a spicy hot dog.

38:03I agree. It's crazy.

38:05Keyzie:Phil, for those people that aren't familiar with you. Yes, which is everybody. Tell us about yourself in terms of your comedy. Oh, mate, well, I jump around a lot. I'm very rude. I swear. I'm frenetic. I get my belly out. I sing some songs. Is there nudity, is there? There's some nudity. And there's also piercing political commentary. That's not true. Yeah, good. Do you actually get nude on stage, Phil Nicol? I have been known to be nude. I wrote a show called 20 years ago, The Naked Racist. Wow! Where I get both naked and racist. That's a joke, obviously. I don't. No, we understand. I was going to say.

38:46Yeah, it's the 20th anniversary. I'm bringing that show back. I wanted to bring it to the festival this time, but I'm taking it back to the Edinburgh Festival to celebrate the 20th anniversary of my Edinburgh Comedy Award winning show. that was the Naked Racist. Wow. So that was 20 years ago. You won the award with that show. Yeah, I did, yeah. Holy cow. What's it called? The Perrier. The Perrier. Perrier. Oh, the Perrier. Oh, wow. You won the Perrier. That's amazing. Sorry, Jase. Can I just talk about this for a sec? Yeah, sure, if you have to. Because a lot of my favourite comedians have won the Perrier Award.

39:17Oh, right. For example, Alan Davies is coming to the country later on this year. Oh, right. No, he came second, I think. Yeah, yeah. But like, you know, and so did that really set your career off, getting that one? Well, I was nominated in 2002 and it was won by Daniel Kitson, who you might know. Daniel Kitson, I definitely know the name. He's like one of these obscure, but at the same time, it was Jimmy Carr, Amadjali, Adam Hills, Noel Fielding, Daniel Kitson. That was 2002. Then 2006, I won the award. Holy cow. And it was, I mean, it's why I'm here.

39:48Keyzie:Yeah. Yeah, man. It's pretty good, isn't it? I've made it. And so what is it like in terms of - Why don't you just quit then? You know what I mean? I've made it to the top. It's all done. I might do that. jump in the water and never come back. We've got comedian Phil Nicol with us here for the New Zealand Comedy Festival, which is Bloody Ripper. In terms of, you know, travelling the world with your comedy, how does it work? Do you just go, New Zealand looks lovely, let's go there for a few months? Well, I mean, I was lucky to get to New Zealand. I don't think Scott and I, you know, Scott runs the class.

40:17Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a mad bastard. He's a shocking bastard. He's a shocking bastard. Oh, everyone knows Scotty, mate. Yeah, Scott, everyone knows Scott. Yeah, everyone knows Scott. But, well, Scott brought me out the first time, and we're trying to remember when it was, but it was quite a few years, 15 or more. I think it might have been off the back of that award. Wow, okay. Yeah. And so are you choosing countries based on places you actually just want to go to? Well, in this case, I was just very lucky because after being invited the first time, I genuinely meant that I've been going to comedy festivals all over the world, that the New Zealand Comedy Festival was indeed the best comedy festival I had been to at the time.

40:53Oh, wow. Awesome. Because it was small. And all the comedians you met here working, like, and Jace, you know, all the comedians here working for the love of the art, not just for the… Not for the money. For the massive. Not for the money. No, for the free wine. But that was, I mean, that was something that really intrigued me as a performer. And so I kept trying to get Scott to bring me back. And he sort of rang me out of nowhere and said, I think it's time you come back to the festival. So I accepted immediately. Is it something that you, like when you're travelling, do you travel alone or are you going around with somebody?

41:24Do you prefer your own company? Because it's not like being in a band, obviously. You're very much on your own, which I guess could be a plus and a minus, depending on what kind of person you are. Yeah, well, I mean, I've just moved into a house in London. I bought a house with my partner who has two children to an 11 - and 10-year-old boys. And so to get away from them is fantastic. How good is it? Yeah, what a great goal. It's a weird thing about parenthood is you spend all this time craving children, then you have them, and then everyone's like, oh, you've got to wake away from the kids. Sorry, darling, in the first place.

41:58It's so good. I woke up today just whenever I wanted to. It was so good. Phil, your show, Trying My Best, is going to be on at the Classic in Auckland, the 12th to the 16th of May, as part of the Comedy Festival. Comedyfestival.co.nz, four tickets. Just for listeners right now, what are they expecting of this show? What should they be prepared to see when they walk in?

42:19Keyzie:There better be nudity, Phil. No, well, there's not much nudity. Not much. There's not full frontal. Oh, yeah, good. But, I mean, we're on radio. You know, I could do it now. Sure. Sure, Jace. Come on, Jace. We'll do it together. Yeah, no, it's Trying My Best is my best collection of all my best stand-up stuff. Wow. So it's a really fast-paced, frenetic kind of hour of quick hit jokes and songs and impressions. and making fun of Trump. How did that go with connecting everything together? Because if you're pulling things out of a whole bunch of different specials, it can't be too, wouldn't it just go together seamlessly?

42:59Well, no, it took me a while. I mean, you caught me at the very end of a tour. I've just finished a tour in the UK, so you've caught me at the end of like a 30-day tour, so the show is bedded in. It's honed to perfection. Well, it is, except I have to change some things. There are some things that are a bit like Anglo-centric, which I know most people in New Zealand have been to the UK. It's just one of those things. so I can talk about the tube, but I don't want it to be about London because it's not in London. And I understand when I go to Canada, I can't talk about London. So I will be tweaking it.

43:31But the audience can take solace knowing that this thing is honed. You are ready to go. It's ready to go, man. It's tight, man. It's gone. The people that you're listening and you've heard of me before, I end the show with the Gay Eskimo song, which is a song I've written years ago with the Cork the Juice Pigs. And it's like one of the highlights of my career. and I don't really do it much anymore so come and see it

43:53Keyzie:I will come and see it alright Phil so make sure you get along one more time Keezy The show is called Trying My Best 12th to the 16th of May at the Classic in Auckland if you want to book tickets comedyfestival.co.nz Beautiful Yes, lovely, thank you Phil, thank you so much for coming in The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki Welcome back your massive backbones Hope your Monday's absolutely going off. Incidentally, you're listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Toledo's. Out with the old, in with the future, Toledo's electrolytes, clean, cutting-edge hydration.

44:35Keyzie:Toledo's. Now, fellas, she's a pretty busy hour coming up. Can we do the big poll results now? Go on, then. Yeah, actually, the big poll was sitting down to do we's as a man, yes or no? Yeah, you're right. Okay, now what's your vibe? What's your prediction? Look, I think it's probably going to be more than people know. It depends on the kind of listeners we've got. I know that as a younger man, I certainly didn't go anywhere near a sit-down wee. No, no. But certainly that's something that's come along as I've gotten older, and I think the conversation's become more open. Yes. It feels to me like back in the day it's the sort of thing that you would never discuss.

45:12It was behind closed doors. It was a private matter. But now it's a more open society and men can talk about manly things with each other. Yes. So I'm going to go 65 yes. Right, okay. Sit down wheeze. Sit down wheeze, yes. Because you were in favour of, you insist on doing stand-up manly wheeze as you call it. Yes.

45:33Keyzie:And stand-up poos. And stand-up poos. Manly poos. I'm going to go, because the world has changed. It has, man. I'm going to go 60, 40 yes to sitting down wheeze. And he's going 65, 35 yes. Yes. So you're going 5 % different to Mogey. Yes. And it just so happens to be bang on the correct answer. Oh, yeah. Does it? I forgot the days where Jase would cheat. What? And then pretend like he has. Oh, he's still got it. I checked it about 10 minutes after we posted it, and it was 60-40. Isn't that interesting, though? So I don't know if it stayed that way the whole time. So three out of five men do sit down wheeze.

46:16Yes. Isn't that interesting? Well, not really. There you go. That sort of shows you then, doesn't it, that two out of five men have got something wrong with them. Jay, seriously, go home tonight, right, and try doing sit down wheeze. I do, do sit down with. Honestly, try doing sit down poos as well. And try sit down poos.

46:38Keyzie:No, you never get me doing that. Not in a million years. Here's Pearl Jam. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Radio Hauraki, celebrating Foo Fighters' new album, Your Favourite Toy. Yes, indeed, and we're giving away some toys and or the album. Fellas, today it's a toy. It is a toy. From the toy box. That's right. Dave Grohl came through. He was like, G'day, fellas, the old album. Your favourite toy. It's just dropped. Would you mind if I dropped off a toy box full of toys as well to celebrate? And we were like, Yeah, sure, Dave. That's a bit weird, but fine.

47:16He also said, Look, how about this? Everyone that wins a toy or a vinyl also in the draw to win a double pass to see the Philly's live in either Christchurch or Auckland in January of next year. Excellent stuff.

47:27Keyzie:He was banging on a bit, wasn't he? He was banging on. Yeah, he was going on a bit, but that's just Dave really, isn't it? Yeah. Hey, let's go to the phone lines. G'day, Alyssa. How's life? Life is good. Thanks. How are you? Yeah, good. Thank you. What do you do for a crust, Alyssa? Manage a community hub. Oh, backbone. Backbone. Now, it's up to me today to pick the toy, so I'm just going to shove my hand into this box here while the fellas chat to you, all right? See what we come out with. Hey, Alyssa from Wainaka, are you a big Foo Fighters fan? Yeah, huge fan. Don't ask her about that, man.

48:04That's private. What do you mean? It's literally about the Foo Fighters. Hey, Alyssa, if you happen to win the tickets to come along and see the Foo Fighters near the Christchurch or Auckland, who would you bring with you? Oh, I'd probably bring my partner. Don't do it. Nah, he sucks, man. Don't do it. All right, Jase, have you got a toy from the toy box there?

48:22Keyzie:I sure have. I've got some Moki wireless headphones. Old Moki. I just lost my headphones. Are you kidding me? And they're a lovely red colour, Alyssa. So beautiful. Awesome. All right, Alyssa, so you hold the line. Pugs are going to look after you. We're going to send you those headphones, and you are in the draw to go and see them in either Christchurch or Auckland. I'm guessing you'd go to Christchurch if you were to win? Yeah, we'd go to either. Yeah, I'm happy with either. They're worth travelling for, aren't they? Certainly are. Good as gold, Alyssa. You hold the line, all right? Pugs will look after you.

49:00Keyzie:Thank you. Good stuff, fellas. No worries. Don't forget the Foo Fighters' new album, Your Favourite Toy, available now. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki. Stone Temple Pilots there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. The time, fellas, in case you're interested, 6.27. Fellas, we had a, well, hoity J. You and I had a nice catch up on Friday night, a little bit of a get together. Yes, we did. We kept it on the down low. It was just you and me and our partners, our wives. Right, that's random. We got married. We got married. We did it without you, Keezy.

49:36And the reason was because Jason and I wanted to watch, without you knowing about it, the first episode of your show, Game of Two Halves. Oh, did you watch that? Did you? Friday night. Yes. TV's free. Now, it used to be hugely popular back in the day. It was, yeah. It had your Riggies and your Mark Ellis's, et cetera, et cetera. So they've brought it out of the storeroom there. They've dusted it off, and they've given it a bit of a rebrand. It was doing the rounds last year. You did the first season with the ACC there, and then, well, we thought it was back again. We sit down to watch it on Friday night there, and, you know, you've been banging on about it for a while now, Kesey, and you were not even on it.

50:21So we're wondering, and we should have done this potentially off-air, Jase. Yeah. You know, have you butchered another TV show opportunity?

50:30Keyzie:I – Do you want me to ask that or do you want Jase to tag in? I'm almost afraid to ask. There was – it was a really – what should have been a fun sort of night with me and Mogey and our partners, our wives. Yes. Turned into this awkward – oh, no. Just this creeping sense of tragedy striking again. Because, Keezy, you've had multiple opportunities to get your noggin on the screen there. You had the ditch. You had a whole season of that. That was on Sky TV about rugby league, which you love. Yeah. Fired after the first season. Well, I got sacked and replaced with Adam Blair. With Adam Blair, yeah.

51:12He made sense. Yeah, it did.

51:14Keyzie:Oh, he's great. To be fair, Adam was fantastic. And then I remember I put together and pitched and filmed a pilot of the rugby league lounge with old Keezy. Yeah, that's right. And that's now Sean Johnson's rugby league. Sean Johnson, which makes more sense. Yes, it does. Which makes so much more sense. Yeah, totally. And then you were on, what's that other one there, Crowd Goes Wild, is it? Back in the day, yeah. Back in the day, yeah. And you got the ass off that as well. Why didn't you get the ass? So I guess the thing. The big foot in the ass. Oh, I don't know. The question that comes up is, has it happened?

51:40Is it Deja Keezy? Oh, God. Has it happened all over again? It's not really a saying, is it? No, no, no. So what happened was they were like, this producer sat me down. They were like, hey, Keezy, great news. Game of Two Harvests is back again next season. Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, that's great. Now, they said even better news. It's also on TV3, free to air. Wow. Friday nights. I think it's after seven days there. Yeah, it is. And I was like, fuck. Great lead-in. I was like, that's awesome. That's awesome. And they were like, even better news, we're going to filter in some of the seven days talent.

52:13And I was like, oh. How good. That's great. Makes sense. That's what I said. I said it makes sense. Yeah. And then I was like, yeah, yeah. So are you all good to be on like way less episodes this year? And I was like, yeah. Yeah, sweet ears. How many are you down to? Because how many in the season? I'm assuming 10, 8 to 10.

52:35Keyzie:Yeah, 8 to 10, generally speaking. How many are you on? Maybe at this point there's 12. Wow. Yeah, yeah. At this point I've been booked for two of them. Two out of 12. Well, it is a percentage that's about 16%. Is it? So it's a drop of around about 83.33 % because he's on all of them in the first season. Yeah, well, you remember too, he was also the captain. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? So, I mean, this is a massive fall from grace. I mean, it's supposed to be whispering because I can hear everything you're saying. You know, to go from captain of the team to now... He's on the bench again. He's on the bench.

53:09Keyzie:He's on his basketball career. Yes, like he's getting back to his basketball days. Why are you talking about I can hear everything you're saying? And now he's down to two out of 12. So what do you think, KZ? How are you feeling? No, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. I'm back this Friday, though. I'm back on there, fellas, so you can have the wives around and watch it. I'm pretty busy on Friday. Yeah. What Friday is what's the other one you're on? I think it's episode five. Oh, okay, episode five. Yeah, yeah. And five. Yeah. Okay. But they were saying if I did a good job, they'd get me on more.

53:47Maybe next season. So episode two and five. Two and five out of 12. Okay. What are you writing that down in, Jason? You just sort of... Not captain anymore. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

54:12Keyzie:Well there you go you mad bastards That's the big show done and dusted for your Monday What's the podcast outro clip today Keezy? I can only assume it's something to do with one of you two Because it is entitled Shocker And it comes out at 7.30pm tonight Wherever you get your podcast from Why can't you have them? That's a shocking thing to say Keezy Come on man Come on Jeez Keezy F*** off, don't. F***ing this is out the gate. Don't start this shit. Put this off, pugs. Don't get out of the shit. I thought I was bad, man. My God. Don't start. Yeah. That was shocking, wasn't it? Do we need to put a disclaimer on that one?

54:49Keyzie:Why? Because it was so bad what you said. I don't know if you're going to say that. I completely forgot about that, and then I threw to it as if it was something you guys had said. That it was something I... It was all kesey. It was kesey. Did an absolute shock on the podcast. Get a bit of heat out of that. That's good. That'll give us a bit to chat about on the show for the rest of the week. Yeah, totally, man. The whole storyline, BSA complaints. Cancelled. Cancelled, yeah, apology. Do you remember the time Jase got cancelled and then he had called us from outside the building? Oh, that's right.

55:15Yeah, that was funny. Yeah, he got binned. That was because you said the words Chinese burn. Yes. And we were like, you can't say that anymore, then you were instantly sacked. Yes, I was. That was funny, man. Yeah, not for the first time. Hey, Mogey, what's the plan tonight, mate? I'll wander off home, man. Walk or cycle? Yeah, I'll walk. Yes, good. I'm on my walking at the moment, which has been good. And what am I going to do? I might try and watch something I don't know. A bit of a debrief with the wife who's just started the new job. I don't know, and just hang out with my kid, man. Yeah, cool.

55:46It's good fun. Good old life. Good old life it is.

55:49Keyzie:What about you, Keezy? What's for dinner? I think for dinner tonight is burritos. Oh, God. We've got some leftover mints, which we've done out of the freezer. What? We've got some leftover pork mince. We've got it out of the freezer. It's defrosted all day, and now we're going to make burritos out of it. It's a sorry state of fear. It's a sad life, isn't it? How was your schnitzel on Friday? Turns out it was actually delicious. It was actually fancy schnitzel from a fancy supermarket. What made it so fancy? From the butcher of the fancy supermarket that Jase goes to sometimes. Oh. Yeah, you know the one.

56:22It was very nice. But it had a little sprig of parsley on it, did it?

56:24Keyzie:Yeah, just a little one. Did you have a mushroom sauce? No. Did you have a button mushroom? Yeah. Jase, what are you doing tonight? Well, on the food front, my wife bought sausages. Sausages. I'm telling you, man, you guys are bitter off breaking up. I love sausages. And then what else? Is it just the sausages? Yeah, and then I'm going to bed.