FULL SHOW: The Proposition

12:35Jase:Yes. But Jase is the nine moggy. Yeah.

12:39Keyzie:Yes. So she's turning 18. That's the plan for the night. She's got friends coming over. My wife is buggering off to do a bloody rehearsal for a play. She's leaving it in my lap. And I've got a few anxieties about it and I need some help with it. You know what I mean? That's weird because you're usually so chill. I am a very chill kind of guy. It's also exacerbated by the fact that I've moved into a new apartment. We've got neighbours either side up and below. And I'm just a bit worried that they're going to go out, get on it, which they will. Yeah, of course. And then come back very steamed at 2 in the morning and wake the entire place up.

13:13Keyzie:What do I do about this? Well, we chatted about this sort of yesterday a wee bit. Are you also worried about her out clubbing? Yes, I am. She's only a wee little thing, you know what I mean? She's still a baby. She'd smack you over. Oh, she'd smack me over. I mean, she's a West Auckland girl, don't get me wrong. She'd dedouche me in the blinking of an eye. Did you think it would help if you were there? Like, maybe could you go with her and her friends as a chaperone? I did think about it because, you know, I'll be honest with you, I was quite fond of the old nightclubs back in the day. You know, the old douche, douche, douche, douche, the pulsing, throbbing beat.

13:51Keyzie:Hell yeah. You know, I kind of liked it. And so I thought maybe that's the way to go. I can just sort of maybe go to the nightclub and just tail them because the thing is, too, I think the nightclub's literally just up the road from where we live. So they're not going to have to drive or anything stupid like that. But also I don't like the idea of them just sort of flitting around on the streets by themselves. The streets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what you're going to have to do, Jase, I think, is you're going to have to figure out a way to go along with them. Incognito. Incognito, but also you could hang out with them, you know what I mean?

14:23But you just have to prove when they come over later this evening, you have to prove that you're cool enough and then suggest maybe I should come with you. Right. Yeah, and then because you've got to go from sort of, because you're running like a cosy club vibe now. You've got to go from cosmopolitan club to nightclub.

14:38Keyzie:Well, the issue that I have with that, Kesey, is that my daughter knows me.

14:41Jase:Yeah, that's going to be the first hurdle.

14:44Keyzie:Yeah, because she knows I'm not cool. So I'm thinking what I need to do is maybe slip into the club once they're in there and just observe from a distance. Right, but that's going to look weird, right? People are going to be like, why are you just standing around watching?

14:59Jase:Well, you could wear your Reburger cap backwards. Yes, put on a bit of bling. Because you're very youthful on the face. You've got great skin. I think you could pass for 20.

15:07Keyzie:Yeah, and I'll just be hovering in the shadows, Keezy. I'll be in the dark. Nothing weird. You know? And I reckon that I could still, in this day and age, pull it off the old nightclub. You know, I might go and have a boogie, cut some hoity J shapes on the dance floor. Put your hip out. Yeah, put your hip out. You should request the Macarena or something like that on the DJ. But having said that, it's been a long time since I've been to a club. So I'm not sure. Yeah, maybe we could do an improv after 5 o 'clock, see if I'm still up to it. Well, what are we going to play, Mogi? Are we like cool club goers or something?

15:43Yeah, I'll be like a bouncer probably. Oh, yeah. Actually, why don't I be a bouncer as well?

15:49Jase:Okay. And then you're trying to get into the club. All right. Right, okay, yeah, sure. Because that's going to be your first hurdle, Hoidi J.

15:55Keyzie:Well, you're right, because the first thing they'll say to me is, you're not 18. Yeah. Can we see somebody? They certainly will. Here's R.E.M. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Jihad there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday afternoon. The time is 4.48. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue?

16:25Yeah!

16:27Jase:Watched another couple of episodes of the third season of the Long Way series, which is Ewan McGregor and Charlie Borman on motorbikes travelling around the world. This time they're going, where are they going? They're going down. They're going down? Oh, they're going to Africa. They're going to Africa. So they went from England and then they went. Currently, in last night's episode, they went through Tunisia and they're in Turkey. Wow. Turkey. There's lots of that. And then they went into Egypt. Really good. They got a tour inside a pyramid. It's interesting stuff, the pyramids, man. You know about those?

17:03Jase:You hear about those? Inside the Great Pyramid? As well, it was one of the top ten pyramids. It wasn't the great one.

17:08Keyzie:Don't get Keezy started on interesting facts. I know. I know. Look at him, he's itching. He's fizzing.

17:15Jase:He's reading. It's a very, very good show. Highly recommend. Four and a half buzzies available. Four seasons of that on your old... Is it Disney? No, it's the other one. Apple.

17:26Keyzie:Apple, Apple TV. I watch fellas naked and afraid of love. Yeah. A group of single individuals take an adventurous challenge wherein they must remain naked and survive in a remote island in their quest for love. Now, that is the stupidest premise I've ever heard. I watch it, of course, because it was naked. But they blur out all the sort of good bits. You know what I mean? I'm sitting on my couch just effing and jeffing and going, what's the point of this? I can't see all the good bits. Are you naked for this as well? No, I've got my undies on. Right, okay. You know, because I'm thinking, hey, this is going to be, hello.

18:11Keyzie:No, I won't say that. And they blur it all out. It's like, well, if you're going to be naked, just be naked. Yeah, well, they are. But I tell you what, a little tip here in this scenario. If you squint your eyes, you can kind of make it out. You can make stuff out. You can kind of make it out, fellas. You can kind of see the, you know what I'm saying, fellas? That's so cool, man. Yeah, yeah. And that made it a bit better. You know there are easier ways to get images of naked people, right? There is? Yeah, there's this little shop. A little toasted sandwich shop called Blue Cheese. In your neighbourhood, actually.

18:47Keyzie:Right, okay. What'd you watch it on? Oh, I can't remember, actually. I think it was Netflix. Yes. I'm not going to give it any buzzies because there weren't any. Zero buzzies out of five for naked and afraid of love. I scratched my Night of the Seven Kingdoms itch by watching the first episode of Game of Thrones. Yes. It's been so long. So long. What were you watching that on, by the way? It's on Neon. Neon, okay. It's HBO as well. And it was amazing because it reminded me of all these amazing characters. Oh, that's right. Oh, that's right. And also, in the back of my mind, just going, I know what happens to all these people.

19:21Yes. It's usually the same story. Yeah. But it's a pilot episode, so it's not amazing. but it's still I think I'm going to watch it all again

19:30Keyzie:yeah I think I'm just going to even though you know what's going to happen I know what's going to happen I know that the last two seasons are going to be pretty average in my opinion Jase but I just love being in that world you know yeah good stuff man how many buzzies I'll give that first episode maybe 3.8 buzzies yeah nice it doesn't find its feet straight away you know hey you fellas feel like a bit of ACDC do I hell yeah The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Thursday. You're listening to The Big Show, by the way, brought to you by ReBurger.

20:10Beef, chicken, vegan and vegetarian options. ReBurger are redefining the norm.

20:17Okay, here it is.

20:19Keyzie:Is Ray Burger A Yum B Yummy C Yum, yum, yum

20:29Jase:Or D Yeah

20:34Keyzie:I really thought it'd be hollow Yeah, look, it's looking dead You're looking in D? Yeah For one million dollars The correct answer is D One million dollars in just one million.

20:53Keyzie:You would lock in D, eh, Jase? If I get the chance to lock in D, I will lock in D every single time. I have been... What the hell does that mean? I have been loving the D of late. Yes. I am filling up with D. I am up to the eyeballs with D at the moment. Are you talking about vitamin D? Possibly. I hope so. Why? Nah, all gee. Hey, coming up soon, fellas, a bit of improv. Yeah, yeah. Oh. Hoody J at the nightclub there tonight. Yes. Just on that, by the way, Kesey, I've got to apologise to you, mate. I'm sorry that there hasn't been many auditions and stuff for you of late. I'm working my arse off trying to find your work.

21:41That's okay. I've been told it's a bit of a slow time at the moment. Isn't that right?

21:44Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's really slow. There's nothing much happening out there, mate. Actually, Mogey, you're an agent. Is it a slow time? Flat out. Absolutely flat stick. For your experienced actors, certainly. A lot of experienced actors.

21:57Jase:They're taking any bastard that can read at the moment. I mean, we can't get them out the door quick enough. Really? Oh, yeah. Have you got? If you can stand up and read, you've got the part. I can do that. Have you got any room on the books, man? Just not for me, Jay. It's not for me, just out of curiosity, man. She's pretty packed at the moment there, Keezy. Yeah, she's pretty packed.

22:18Keyzie:You don't want to go there, I mean. You want to stay with my boutique. What's the name of your agency again, man? What do you mean? Oh, the name of the agency? Yeah, yeah. Blue Checks. Hoity J, Hoity J Talent. Hoity J, Hoity J Talent. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. I'll be the judge of that, thanks, Keezy. Here's garbage. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. The Mint Chicks there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday afternoon. The time is 13 minutes past five o 'clock. My daughter, my youngest, turned 18 today. She's off to her first nightclub experience tonight.

22:59Keyzie:I'm a little concerned about it. So we had the idea that maybe I tail her and her friends go to the nightclub just to make sure it's all tickety-boo. Yeah, you added the tail part. I was just suggesting you just go along. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're just going to do a bit of an improv where Jase attempts to get into a nightclub just so you're ready.

23:18Jase:How long has it been since you've been in a nightclub? 20 years. Yeah. Yeah.

23:22Keyzie:Quiet on set. Sound speed. Lights. Camera. Action. Now it's time for the Big Show Improv. Right, so in this one, Jase, I'll play a security guard, a bouncer. Yes. Because the first thing you have to do is actually get into the nightclub. And you're just yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. Can I just, before you even kick, I don't know. Oh, no. Let's just do it. No, no, no. Go for it. No, no. It's just I wouldn't be that intimidated by you if you were a bounce. It's not about being intimidated. It's about I have a job. It's just a massage. I have a job. Okay. I have a job to keep underage people out of the, and riffraff.

23:57Guys. Out of the nightclub. All right. Here we go. Hang on.

24:04Sound like we're outside a club? Yeah, here we go. All right. Action.

24:09Keyzie:Good evening, old chap. Do I pay here or do I pay inside? How does it work? Move it along, sir. Jeez, it sounds loud. Sorry, are you... Can you clear out of here, mate? This is a nightclub. Well, no, I was wanting to get into the nightclub. That's my point. Oh, were you? Maybe have a bit of a snifter of sherry to warm the old... What are you sniffing in my nightclub? No, just a snifter of sherry to warm the cockles. You want to... What the hell's a cockle? Okay, can I see some ID, mate? If you're going to come in here, you're going to need to show me your ID. Oh, no problem at all. There you go.

24:44What the hell's that? Why is it on parchment? How old is this?

24:52Keyzie:Do I have to pay here or can I pay when I get in? Yeah, yeah, here, here. It's, um... What's going on, Chris? It's 30... Everything all good, mate? Yeah, no, it's all good. just this fella here wants to get in the nightclub. Can we help you, mate? You're a peculiar-sounding fella.

25:07Jase:Yeah, a lot of people say that when I'm stomping on their head, eh? Oh, right.

25:12Keyzie:Yeah. Yeah, yeah, this is... You look familiar, bro. You used to come here, eh? Yes, back in the day, back in the day. Certainly, certainly I did. Did you just annoy? Yeah, that's the one, old boy. Yeah, yeah. But just between you and me, fellas, I'm a little bit incognito tonight. My daughter's going to a nightclub for the first time and I just want to make sure she's all G, you know what I'm saying? I was sitting there in there with the massive honker. Well, I wouldn't say it was a massive honker. I would. I do. It is. Well, I'd say she has more of her mother's honker, actually, which is not quite a honker.

25:45Keyzie:It's just... It's not both your honkers. It's massive. It's a normal... Hang on, hang on, hang on. It's a normal... You shut up, you. I'm talking to you, this guy. We don't let anybody... Just button it, buddy. You button it, mate. And sing. Really good. Really good. I actually flew off the handle there. I was trying to be the peacemaker, and you just fired up. Have you guys ever been decked by or thrown out by any bouncers? No. No, you have. Yeah, I have. You, Keezy? I'm sure I've been thrown out.

26:13Jase:I haven't been decked, though, not by a bouncer.

26:14Keyzie:I got decked, but it wasn't my fault. Classic. It was my mate who was mouthing off, and then they sprinted after us, and I was just standing on the pavement. You were the slowest one. That's exactly what happened. and my mate was mouthing off and I was just standing there going, oh, this isn't good. And then smack. And it was like, oh, God. I've never been decked, nah, not by a bouncer. Was not. And I was flatting with a woman who actually worked at the nightclub and she laid a complaint on my behalf and he got kicked, he got fired.

26:47Jase:Oh, too scared to lay a complaint on your own behalf, eh?

26:49Keyzie:Yes. Do you reckon once you open your cheese toastie and pawn shop, do you reckon you'll have higher security to operate around that? because, you know. It's not a porn shop, Keezy. It's a stick mags. Are they porn? It's a bit more classy than that, mate. I only have, like, gimp masks and stuff. Mind you, I suppose I could, actually. I could expand it. Some dillies. Pearl jam? Some pearls, yeah. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Papa Roach there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday evening. Am I seeing this right, Keezy? Is that old Des Dalgetty on the phone line there?

27:32Keyzie:The Big Show's rural correspondent, Des Dalgetty. Is this Des, is it? Yeah, yeah. G'day, Jase. How's it going, mate? Yeah, very well, Des.

27:45Jase:G'day, Des. How you going, brother? Yeah, don't complain, mate, eh? But been a lot of rain around lately, eh? There's a lot of the sheep out there, eh? It's not good, eh? Amen, Dez. Hey, good to hear from you, man. How was your Christmas? Happy New Year. Is that you, Christopher? Yeah, that's me, Dez. Oh, g'day, mate. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

28:07Keyzie:So, yeah, you had a good one family over and all that sort of thing there, Dez? Oh, Christmas. Are you talking about Christmas? Yeah, yeah, Christmas sort of New Year.

28:16Jase:Yeah, yeah, sorry, mate. I thought I must have misheard you because it's nearly March. Yeah, you tell them, Dez. Yeah, that's true. I tell you what, that gets on your work, doesn't it, Mogi? Yeah, I do hate that one, man. It's March, as he says. You're on point there, Des. Tell me, Des, what's going on, mate?

28:32Keyzie:Well, what's the reason for the call?

28:34Jase:I just wanted to give you a call, Jason, eh? Because I've heard your idea there about opening up your little shop, eh? Oh, right, okay. So you've heard the idea, Des, of Jase's cheese toasty and stick mag store. Blue cheese, eh? Yeah, blue cheese. That's the one, Des. That's what you're calling it, eh? Look, I tell you what, mate, eh? It's a bloody good idea, but you've got to be careful, eh? You've got to be careful because I opened up one of these over on the Gold Coast in 1967. And Jesus, she went off, mate. I can imagine. She absolutely went off. I mean, I started out, I was making the cheese toasties, and they came through the door for that.

29:10Jase:But then they found my private stash of stick, Max, eh? And they were all over the bastards, eh? Yeah, right. We didn't get enough of them on the shelves, eh? The bastards were going mad. Next thing you know, I'm running a rubbing tug, mate. I'm busier than a one-armed wallpaper hangar, eh? Right. Well, hang on, Des. So the store you were running, was it originally just a toasted sandwich store? Started out as a toasted sandwich store, Keezy, eh? But then they found me bloody stick mags, eh? Because I like to get me stick mags out, eh, when I'm on my break in there, eh? Yeah, no, that makes sense.

29:49Keyzie:So that was second-hand of it. They were buying their dears. They were buying their second hand mags. Yeah, share of hands, eh, man, I'll tell you that. For bloody free, eh?

29:59Jase:G'day, dears. It's Mogie here, man. How are you? Oh, g'day, Mogie, mate. What was the name of the store that you had?

30:06Keyzie:Good Eaton. Oh, that's a great name. Yeah, that is a real good name.

30:10Jase:Good Eaton. Good Eaton. That rolls off the tongue, man. It was all Good Eaton, eh? No matter what you're looking at, it was all Good Eaton, eh? Yeah. Yeah, what actually happened to the store? Yeah, I was going to say. Why aren't you still doing it? Well, that's what I said, man. I ended up putting me bloody arm out, eh? Because I ended up... She got so bloody busy with the pornography side of it, I ended up running a rub and tug, eh? I've put my bloody shoulder out. Next thing you know, I'm on the bloody ACC, mate. No good. Really? No good. Oh, wow. Well, look, so just be careful.

30:44Keyzie:You ever worked at a rub and tug, Casey? Not me, man. Yeah, whatever, man. I've never been to a rub... I don't even know what a rub and tug is, man. Yeah, oh, come on, Keezy. Oh, well, that's amazing, Des. Well, thanks for your phone call, mate. We appreciate it. Yeah.

30:59Jase:Jason, you've got to be careful, Ash.

31:01Keyzie:Yeah, I'll be careful, Des. You've got to be careful, mate. You're spot on, Des. That's good advice there. Well, Des, thank you so much for your call, mate. We'll let you go.

31:08Jase:I've got to go, fellas.

31:09Keyzie:I've got to go.

31:10Jase:The bloody missus is after me, eh? Yeah, fair enough. Yeah, fair enough, Des, mate. We'll catch you later. Okay. Thanks, mate. Yeah, that bloody rub and tug. She was a good bastard. Yep, all right, thanks, Dez. Sorry, I'll just, yeah, okay. So. No, thanks, Dez. Yeah, good on you, mate. See you, mate. Oh, yeah. All right, see you, mate.

31:33Keyzie:Okay, thanks, Dez.

31:34Jase:That's good stuff there. Hey, fellas, coming up next on the show, by the way, I've got a bit of a. Are you still, Dez? Yes. I need a cup of tea. Don't ever lie down, bloody hell. Okay, he's left his foot. Okay, let's just go to the heads. Oh, yeah, okay. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

31:54Keyzie:Harvey Danger there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday evening. The time is 5.38. Fellas, I've got a massive proposition, not only for you guys, but for the show as a whole. Yes. I think it's a huge opportunity. It's something I've been thinking about quite a lot, actually, and it's something I just like to run by you guys. Are you familiar with this?

32:19I know you are, Inglebert, Humperding. You know I'm eh?

32:23Jase:The thing about Inglebert... Release me, my darling... Is that he rules? Is that I know a lot of his songs, but I didn't realise that they were his. Yes. I'm not down with the playlist, you know what I'm saying?

32:35Keyzie:I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. That was very much the soundtrack of my childhood. 100%. Yeah, same. And so for those that don't know, Inglebert Humperdinck.

32:47Jase:First name, Inglebert. Now, a lot of people think it's Inglebert Humperdinck, but it's Inglebert Humperdinck. 100%, Bogie. Thanks for clarifying. Inglebert Humperdinck, he's coming to New Zealand in June. He's going to be in Auckland. Wow. How old is he? He's 89. He'll be 90 when he's here. And I'm pretty keen to go along. But I thought, you know, as a station, Radio Hodaki needs to get behind big events. Well, this is right in our wheelhouse. This is massively in our wheelhouse. This is massively in our wheelhouse. If we're not going to get behind Inglebert Humperdick, who are we going to? Did you just call him Inglebert Humperdick?

33:27Jase:Humperdick. No, it's Humperdink. Oh. Humperdink. Oh, my God. All these years, I thought it was Humperdick. Surely it's Humperdick. It's like a wasted opportunity. To do what?

33:43I bet he doesn't know where he is. All I know is that he can still sing, and he's coming to New Zealand. He's going to be 90 in June. I'm doing everything I can to try and get us there, fellas. But I was thinking, you know how Metallica were here recently? Oh, they came to visit us in the studio. That's right. And Pearl Jam. Yeah, they were running late that time. They were too. But all these big artists are coming. I think we have to jump on this dude early.

34:08Keyzie:Pardon? Oh, yeah. I'm not jumping on anyone's dude. No, we've got to – sorry, I said that incorrectly. We've got to jump. We've got to – Take the opportunity. Take this opportunity and get on board with Engelbert Humperdick. We've got to get him in the studio for a chat. We've got to get him in the studio for a chat.

34:21Jase:Does our show collide with his afternoon nap? That's a good question. It might. But also, we need to be – like, Hauraki Big Show presents Engelbert Humperdick. The official partnership should become a thing. What do you think? I don't think there's going to be a huge fight for it, Keezy. I'll be honest with you. Well, not if we throw a heap of cash their way. You know what I mean? If we promise the world. We've got to get on this thing early. What do you reckon? Hodaki presents Inglebird Humperdinck. I can wait a moment more.

34:55Keyzie:Tell me when, when, when. What do you reckon? How long do you reckon the concert will be? Well, he's 90, so probably about 10 minutes. And he'll just keep singing the same song. What if he, does he sing with his teeth in or out? Do you think he wears adult diapers? Maybe. Is it going to be a live band? I'd say it'll be a live band, yeah.

35:17Jase:Liam more alive than the singer. Okay, but do you agree that we should jump on board? I think so, man. It's not often that you get to see a legend die on stage. Oh, what? The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. So what's great, Biggie?

35:38Keyzie:Yeah.

35:44Keyzie:Yes, indeed, your chance to win a$50 Ree-Burger voucher. When you hear this in the middle of a song, give us a call on 0800-HAURAKE and you could win that$50 voucher. I'll tell you who did do that. Dylan, you mad bastard. How's life? Yeah, not too bad. How's it going? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. You had a good day, Dylan? Getting through your Thursday all right, are you? Yeah, getting through it. Friday's just around the corner. Just around the corner, man.

36:09Jase:That's why you've got to look at it, brother. Bloody oats. Bloody oats. Hey, Dylan, chin up, brother. Chin up. Always, always, Keithy. You can do it, man. Yeah, you can do it, man. I know times are tough now, Dylan, but you'll get through it, mate.

36:21Keyzie:I suspect Dylan's actually a bit of a backbunner. I don't think he gets down. I think he just keeps going forward all the time. Hey, Dylan. Oh, always, mate. You know me? What did you do? Yeah, mate. This guy gets it. Yeah, he gets it. Hey, Dylan, just before you send me to that voucher, mate, we'll just do a quick AI check on you, all right? Aye. Yep. All right, just quickly, what do you do for a crust, man? I'm an engineer. You're a backbone.

36:45Jase:Next time someone asks you, you just tell them, mate, you're a backbone. Imagine they go for a job interview. So what's your experience, you being a backbone? Yeah, I'm just a massive backbone. That's right. Hey, Dylan. 247. What does your fish and chips order? Fish and chips order probably a full of fish, sausage, scuba chips, and maybe a pineapple ring. Oh, here's a pineapple ring That's old school, brother You've had one of those, Casey I've had them out of the tin there Yeah, well, these ones

37:16Keyzie:They batter the bastards Oh, really? Yeah My wife's a big fan Of the old pineapple fritter Fialz Fialz That's good, Jase Next question, Dylan How often do you floss, man? Oh, almost never, I would say Yeah, that's a good one, brother Good on you, man

37:33Jase:Good on you It's hard when you get that pineapple Stuck between your teeth, though, And you think, shit, I want to have some floss Yes, old Dylan's just got breath reeking of pineapple. It's good stuff. What colour are your undies, Dylan? I'm rocking a grey number today. Yeah, nice, mate. And final question, man, what is your deepest fear? Oh, I'm scared of magpies, believe it or not. Are you? Oh, really? That's interesting.

37:56Keyzie:There's something particularly terrifying about being attacked by a bird. You know, with their claws, because they're from the air, the claws. Have you ever seen the birds, Dylan? Yeah, when they swoop down from the trees, mate He's talking about a movie from about 50 years ago Yeah, it's an Alfred Hitchcock movie

38:13Jase:They're sneaky bastards, though They're the cowards of the bird, aren't they? Because they won't until your back's turned They won't come and face you They won't come and hit you up manna or manna, will they? Manna or manna Yeah, cowards, mate Cowards, cowards You know, I'm halfway through writing a movie A horror movie about magpies, mate A magpie that terrorizes a small town Really? Yep Nice Sounds good, man It's going to be good Are you scared of magpies? No, man. You're not? No. Because for you, it'd be like a pterodactyl or something coming down, wouldn't it? Hey, I'll just chuck your details in the system here.

38:44Dylan, just make sure you're not AI. Yep.

38:47Jase:Clean, mate. You're getting that voucher. Like being a tagpile 747. That's good stuff there. Hey, I was, when I was a kid, because we used to get attacked by magpies when I was a kid. Yes. We had our primary school, St. Joseph's. Then there was the big field, as they called it. Then there was a traditional farm fence. and then there was another school right next door. Wow, that's weird. It's a weird set-up. So you had to walk across the big field, hit this farm fence with the battens and the wire there, so not easy to get over quick. Then you're into the neighbouring school's big field and you have to walk through that, and then that's where the dentist was, the dental nurse.

39:23Jase:Now, lining that tree was also a row of pines. So you'd sort of get halfway across the field there, you'd get halfway up that fence, and then the magpies would start swooping you. Really? And then you run back to the start freaking out. I still remember very clearly, and it was a bastard because you just get stuck. Do I go over to the dental nurse or do I just go back to the car? Yeah, do I make a run for it? Very, very difficult. And I asked my mother, why are these magpies swooping you, thinking that she'd make me feel better. She said, they like shiny things in their nest. They're after your eyeballs.

39:56Jase:True story. Well, yours do hang out quite a bit.

40:03Keyzie:A bit of stained. Yeah. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. It is the biggest show. And it's brought to you, brought to you by Reburger. Craveworthy street food, freshly made with Reburger.

40:26Reburger.

40:31Jase:Did you catch that, Jase? Yeah, I did catch that. Have you been saying bought to you by Reba? Yeah. I think he has been. Shocking, bastard. Yeah, I know. That's shocking. That's really bad for me. Thanks for pointing that out, whoever. I never even noticed it.

40:44Keyzie:I think I alternate. No, you don't. Yeah. I think you just say bought to you. No, you just say bought. But look, it's piss poor on my behalf. Yeah, really bad. Really, really bad. Because there's, yeah, there's... Chris, just... I'm literally about to back you up here. Okay. There's a plethora of things you say wrong. That wasn't actually what I was going to say. Plethora is my word that I use. Is it? At infinitum is another one. But brought and bought is a very common one. A lot of my friends say bought when they are bringing something to you or they go to the store and they brought some groceries.

41:21Jase:Yeah, it's der brain stuff though, isn't it? I expect better from Hoity Chiz over there. He's got A number ones all through his reports, as you well know, Keezy.

41:28Keyzie:I have. A1, A1, A1, A1. F for bought. 40J, best in the world, A number one. Were you A1 English? Yes. And you were saying brought. I know. Yes. Wasn't that interesting? Yeah, yeah. What kind of dear brain school did you go to? What was the name of it? We won't get into the name of the school that I went to. But in the meantime, what we will get into is a bit of incubus. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Placebo there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday evening. The time is 14 minutes past six o 'clock.

42:08Jase:Fellas, I've got some breaking news.

42:14Jase:This is breaking news. Fellas, there's been a baby born in Whanganui. Oh, wow, that's great. That is fantastic. Have you guys ever been born before? I think so. You don't know though, do you? You've just been told. There's an assumption being made. It's like the earth is flat or round. You're assuming round because everyone says it's round. They've always said it's round. But I don't know. And also, does it matter to me? No, I don't care. It's actually more of an object spheroid or something, isn't it? like it's more of like an egg shape. Oh, that's what I've always said. It's like an oval almost.

42:49Jase:I've got a question for the both of you. How much did you weigh? Because this baby that has been born is a big, bonny, bouncy baby. Right, okay. I think maybe nine pounds, something. Yeah, I think I was around about there as well. Eight, nine. Jase? Jase, about one or two.

43:04Keyzie:Yeah, no, I think I was about three or four pounds. It's just a little nipper.

43:09Jase:A little tadpole. Yeah. A little fella there. Do you actually know how heavy you were, though? No, no idea. Yeah. Well, this baby here, first of all, I think it's their third child that they've had. The second child that they had was born in February 2024, weighed 13 pounds. 13 pounds and 6 ounces, which is 6.07 kilos. Right, so that's massive. That is a huge baby. That's a big call on the mum. The one that they had over the weekend, 15 pounds and three ounces. Wow. Which is 6.89 kilos. Roughly the same weight as a five-year-old. Is that true? Yeah. Far out. That's crazy. That's a big baby, man.

44:04Keyzie:I imagine that, well. That's probably heavier than Jase now. Do we know if it's a, was it a cesarean or was it?

44:10Jase:They went caesarean. Well, you'd have to, really, wouldn't you? They were thinking, how much bigger can this baby get? The couple were assigned two obstetricians, one of whom helped deliver an e-fart. At their 36-week scan, Tuka Tumwana measured 12 pounds.

44:29Keyzie:And I'm thinking, as a mother, you're thinking, you've got some anxieties going on there. You know what I'm saying? Oh, you're not looking forward to it, that's for sure.

44:36Jase:No. He was really heavy. In the last week, she said, I was pretty much ready just to get him out. 100%. This kid already wears size 3 nappies, which are the same as typically worn by a 6-month-old. Honestly, the Warriors are going to sign this kid up. Honestly, with Mitch Barnett leaving next season, we've got to get him in Jersey Fleek this year. Yeah, 100%. Are you thinking forwards? Was it a male baby? He's got prop written all over him. I reckon he'll get to prop eventually, but I reckon if he could start in the back row maybe. I don't know. I don't know.

45:14Keyzie:That's extraordinary. The only thing I do know about my birth, fellas, is that I came out ass first. Really? Yes. Ass first. Wow. Are you sure? Yeah, man. You sure about that? Yeah, man. I was going to make a joke about coming out honker first or something. Yeah, I know. It's something around. Your face looks like an ass.

45:37Jase:Are you sure they got it confused? Then the other ass going, I don't know. I've got nothing. They smacked your bottom to make you cry. Everybody out there, just insert your own joke and we'll get on with that. Yeah, right. And while you're doing that, we're going to go to some ads. The Hodaki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki. Yes.

45:53Keyzie:Guns. Roses there on the Radio Hodaki Big Show this Thursday evening. The time is 6.28. Fellas, it's time for boat chat. Douche. Douche. I was actually, it was funny because I was driving the car today. I don't drive my car around very much anymore, fellas, because I don't need to. You know this is boat chat, not car chat. Yeah, I know. Okay, sorry. But it's sort of boat related. Oh. And I've still got a couple of my fishing rods in the car there that I haven't unpacked and put into storage yet. And I was thinking, geez, it's been a while since I put the old line out, reeled in the big kingies.

46:29Keyzie:Has it ever happened?

46:31Jase:Pardon? Has it ever happened? What's that? That you've ever put the line out and caught some kingies? No. Do you even know what a kingie looks like? Would you recognise one if you sort of passed it walking down the main street of Auckland? No. So you're saying if you're walking down in Auckland and a kingie walked past, but the kingie's wearing like... Unless it was Troy kingie. Maybe it's Troy kingie, but otherwise it's a kingfish and it's wearing like a business suit or something, but it's definitely a kingie. Would you recognise it?

46:58Keyzie:I might think it's a bit fishy.

47:04Hey, fellas, we're giving away a boat. Finchaser 535, centre console, Mercury 60 horse, four-stroke,

47:11Keyzie:Voyager trailer, whole package worth$75 ,000. New Zealand dollars. New Zealand dollars. That's the crucial part. If you're keen to win it, text the word BOAT to 3483 now. A fresh batch of names have come through.

47:23Jase:Is it true that you have to be in it to win it? Nah, I don't think being in the boat. No, I don't think so. What about in it the draw? Oh, yes, yes. Can you write that down, Kesey? Can you make a note of that? Because I don't think people know that. You have to be in it the draw to win it. Okay, I've just made a note of that. Do you want to hear some of the names that people have sent through? I guess so. Because when you text boat to 3483. This is the worst part of the competition. People aren't trying hard enough. They don't deserve this boat. This boat's too good for them. I agree with you, Moggy.

47:54I also think you guys are very harsh critics, though. Okay, fresh batch of names. Here we go. Otter. A fresh catch of names. Come on, fishy. A fresh catch of names. Caché. Well, catch, because it's to do with the ocean.

48:09Jase:That's what I thought. A fresh caché of names, fellas. Here they come. Otter.

48:15Keyzie:What? Only in freshwater, generally speaking. This is imagining going to be a seawater, a saltwater boat. Why would you name a boat after an otter? Yeah, that's just stupid. Sorry if that was your suggestion, by the way. Fishy feeling.

48:34Jase:It's probably gone over my head. It's too good a name for me to understand. Fishing feeling. Yeah. It's complex.

48:41Keyzie:No. It hasn't gone over your head, Mogey. It's just terrible.

48:44Jase:Wet spot.

48:49Jase:Not nothing. It's better than fishy feeling. Weird fishes. Certainly better than otter.

48:55Keyzie:Weird fishes. Oh, the Radiohead song. Good tune, Nick. Oh, there you go. Is it? Yes. A great song.

49:05Jase:Lost Boys. Boys. Boys. Yeah, I see what they've done. That actually works. Now, you're out having a fish, you lose track of time. Yeah, that works. You like that? Boy, they've put some thought into it. Yeah, it's okay. It's a$75 ,000 boat. You've got to put some thought in it. Yeah, fair enough. What about SKIM in capitals? S-K-I-M, which stands for Spending Kids Inheritance Money. No. Well, they're not spending anything. They're winning it. They got it for free. What about this one here? Psoriasis of the river. Rhyme, you know, no. Psoriasis of the river. It doesn't make any sense. What do you mean?

49:40Jase:It rhymes with liver.

49:41Keyzie:And it's not a river boat. It's a saltwater boat.

49:43Jase:It's just because liver and river rhyme. It doesn't mean it makes sense. But you can put it in the river. But you can call the boat psoriasis, and then if somebody saw it go past, they're going to go, look, psoriasis on the river. Now that psoriasis in the river. But there's too many moving parts. I've found one here that I'm going to vote for, fellas. You ready for this? Engle boat humpersink.

50:10Text BOAT to 3483. Oh. In the meantime, here's Blair. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

50:20Keyzie:Collective soul there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Thursday evening. The time is 6.41, fellas. Jeez, this show's just flying by. It certainly is. Jase always does. I'm in a dilemma, fellas, because I like dumplings. And I think it's got to the point now where...

50:39Jase:Eating that dump-lin. Yeah, that's the one. And it's got to the point now where you fellas are shaming me for it.

50:46Keyzie:Well, it's got to the point now where you're eating so many dumplings that your arse cheeks look like dumplings. That is an extremely offensive thing to say. Eating that dump. So is that. Imagine saying that to like, you know, would you say that to bloody pugs or anyone in the office? No, he's a beast. But basically the issue I'm having is whenever I go to get something else to eat, you know, from a store nearby or something, because it's this one dumpling store that is sort of near my house and also near work here. And every time I think, oh, maybe I should try something else, I just go, it won't be as good.

51:24And so I just get the dumpling.

51:25Keyzie:I've got a theory, and maybe we should go out one night and do this. I reckon we go to this dumpling joint of yours that you're so obsessed with, Keezy, and you have to eat like 180 dumplings. Yeah. And to the point where you're just chundering all over the place so that the next time you think to yourself, my God, I'm going to have a dumpling, that memory comes back and you go, oh, God, no. I could never eat another dumpling ever. Didn't that happen to you guys with smoking? No. No, I mean, I went from one pack a day to eight packs a day because they said that would put me off it. I loved it.

52:03Jase:You can't get enough of them. That's the thing. I'm worried that'll happen with old Keezy. But also, I don't want to make it so I'm sick of them. I just want to make it so that I'm better at going outside the box and accepting that something might not be as good but trying to do it. But you know what you like, Keezy? You're mad for the dumplings, brother. You've got to embrace it. You're a sicko No I'm not a sicko There's something wrong with you man There's something not right with your head brother But it's only dumplings man I wouldn't let it get the better of you

52:31Keyzie:Yeah and frankly who am I to talk about food You know obsessions My cheese balls, my nippy's iced coffee I mean we all have our addictions Yours just happens to be like 180 dumplings a week

52:43Jase:Doesn't matter if you blow out man It's your 30s man Time to put on a few kilos brother

52:48Keyzie:Your wife loves you man It's fine It's not about any of those things. It is about wanting. Sucking on that dump. It's about wanting to try stuff, but then wanting to go outside the square and then go, ah, stuff, I'll just get dumplings. I know they're going to be good. I want to get better at that, but I don't know how. Just get some more dumps. Yeah, just get some more dumplings, Keezy. Seriously, man. Just get some more dumplings. That's the how to do it.

53:16Jase:What else are you going to do? it's one of those things where I think the addiction just has to run its course and it will run its course, you're not going to be like this in 15 years well The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki

53:40Dej!

53:41Keyzie:well there you go you mad bastards that's the Big Show done and dusted this Thursday evening What's the podcast outro clip today, Keezy? I believe the outro clip is about us crossing the road together as a show

53:56Jase:She walks with me Which is hard enough for a small child to keep up with It's quite funny, you know, when you're an adult You remember when you were a kid and you had to walk along and keep up You're like jogging almost With someone, it's hard, yeah So she's struggling with that It's like when I walk with you guys

54:08Keyzie:Because you guys take like giant strides That's true Quite often when me, you and Moggy are walking places You do that thing where we're all holding hands and you'll swing on our arms Yeah, yeah. That's right. I take like four paces to your guys' one. That's right. So that podcast comes out at 7.30 tonight, so make sure you give it a listen. Search Haraki Big Show wherever you get them from.

54:28Jase:There's no warning on that one. We've been very clean lately, fellas. Well done. Yeah, I think we get filthy tomorrow. Do we? Are we keen on that? Friday. Now, we've got the throbber tomorrow as well. We've got anything? What have we got?

54:39Keyzie:No, I just... Generic? Yeah, I like generic. I like generic as well. There's less thought involved. Exactly. Well, actually, in a peculiar kind of way, Mogey, there's more thought involved because you've got bigger options. You do. Jase, just get the dumplings, man. Just whatever the deftones for you are dumplings. Funnily enough, I am going to get dumplings tonight. Get them, man. I'm going to get them in me. How many? Five. That's pathetic. Five. Mogey, what are you doing tonight?

55:08Jase:Getting on my pushbite riding home, man, and, well, then, a little bit of work, a little bit of sleep, but I want to watch a bit of TV as well, so I'm torn. My mother-in-law brought home a Toblerone from overseas. It's sitting in the freezer, so I'm going to chomp my way through that bad boy. Yeah, nice. What about you, Keezy? What's for tea? For dinner, sausage. My wife got sausage. What kind? Sausages. Garlic and herb, homemade from the local butcher. Herb. But what kind of meat? Beef.

55:35Keyzie:Beef. That's the one. She'd get some dumpling wrappers and wrap it around the sausage. The sausage. And then I'd stuff it down my gullet. Yeah, yeah, totally. What about you, man? Oh, no, you're eating five dumplings, aren't you? Well, no, and I'm going home, of course, to my daughter's 18th birthday. Have a great night, man. I'm not looking forward to this. I've got to be honest with you, Felix.

55:54Jase:You're taking the right attitude in.

55:56Keyzie:I'll just... Don't be stoked. I'll give you a full report tomorrow. I'm going to go home and just lay down the law as soon as I get home. That's the spirit, man. Yeah, thanks, man.

56:04Jase:That's the party spirit, bro.

56:05Keyzie:Totally, man. See you tomorrow. Bye! Bye!

56:14Thank you.