FULL SHOW: Under Intense Scrutiny (feat. Jack Ansett)

11:25Jase:Yeah. Absolutely, fellas. 100%.

11:28Keyzie:Yeah, good stuff, mate. Good on you, Kyle.

11:30Jase:Good on you, Kyle. Stay on the line, Pucks, and we'll see you out. I've had a text through here on 3483. Is this trip R18? That's a good question. In other words, can you come over and bring your five-year-old? What, to the swingers club?

11:47Keyzie:It's interesting. We'll maybe talk about it later on in the show. I've got some issues with the upcoming trip. Oh, yes. Some concerns. I'm not going to say it's an IR team, but it's probably going to change the vibe. Yeah, you're right. It is.

12:00Jase:I mean. No, yeah, it is. You can try, but yeah. I think it is. Oh, it's definitely going to ruin it. Yeah. It's definitely not happening. Yeah, I definitely won't. But you want people to feel welcome, so yeah, absolutely keep ringing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, but if the five-year-old's gone, I'm not going. But I'm out. Could be a good bastard. Oh, yeah, I'm sure he is. Could be a bad friend. Hilarious little fell, a little felless. Yeah, we've already got one of those. Here's Muse. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

12:31Keyzie:Alison Chains there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time is 4.52. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue.

12:47Jase:Yes.

12:54Jase:Yeah. Hey, fellas, I'll be honest with you, man, I didn't watch any TV last night. Sat down in the lounge with me missus there and listened to a Pluto album on my new record player. Yeah, man. Cool. So that doesn't count as watching anything because it was more listening. Very good, though.

13:15Keyzie:Did you just sit there and listen, or did you boogie or dance or anything?

13:18Jase:Well, my daughter did before she went to bed. She had a good dance. Yeah. Yeah, man. But I saved my dancing for special occasions. Which album was it? I honestly don't know what it's called because it's just got an emblem on the front of it, but I'll find out for you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, weirdly, it didn't appear to have a very... There wasn't a name emblazoned across the front cover. Yeah, right, okay. You know what I mean? Yeah, man. How much did that cost? I got it free from Radio Horeki. I got a whole bunch of them. Stacks of them. I got so many vinyls. I don't know what to do with them. Every time I use them, I just scratch them and throw them in the bin.

13:54Jase:That's how many I've got. You can use them as coasters. Yes. For, like, really big cups. Like jugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jugs, Jase. Yeah.

14:02Keyzie:You know how I feel about that, fellas. About what? Jugs. That affliction I have? Oh, that's right. But anyway, I started watching a new series last night called, I think it's called Suspicious. Ooh. Imagine, if you will, fellas, a safe house scenario. Inside the safe house is a family, and the father is about to testify against a very nasty, nasty man that the police are desperate to nail. Is he suspicious? He's a nasty piece of work. Oh, God. Suffice to say, the safe house doesn't turn out to be that safe. Very safe, yeah. And then drama ensues, but outside of that drama is an internal drama of the people involved in looking after the safe house may or may not be involved in a relationship of some description.

15:00Jase:Is it possible that not everything is what it seems?

15:03Keyzie:Nothing is what it seems. And indeed, one of the lines from the show is, as one of them lays dying, trust no one. Oh, God.

15:12Jase:Wow. That doesn't sound good.

15:13Keyzie:As a British drama, it's just standy. It's a standard British kind of crime drama. Watchable Good acting Pretty feasible I'll give it 2.75 Buzzies Out of 5 Out of 5 Yeah you're right So that's just Above average And what did you watch that on?

15:35Jase:On demand I don't consider We need to work out What this Buzzies system is Because I consider Three Buzzies As a recommendation Anything under that is Above average 2.5 is middle Well Three is good Right Four is very good and five is excellent. Right. So two is bad. One is poor. Right. Two buzies is bad. Yeah. It's not good. It's just hard because traditionally two buzies have been very good. No. In my experience. Oh, in yours. Three is the middle of the road. Yeah, right. Three is. It's good. Okay.

16:07Keyzie:When you say two buzies have been really good in your regard, what do you mean? Well, I just mean I've had to relearn things now that I'm part of the show. Right. That traditionally, a rating of two buzies was good. back before the show.

16:21Jase:Yeah. But I guess the thing is, you'd rather have maximum. Yeah, you're right. Maximum buzzies. Five buzzies out of five. Yeah, yeah. Out of a possible five. Out of a possible five.

16:33Keyzie:So are you recommending that, James, with 2.75? As I say, it's a solid, good watch. Sure. So maybe I'll be kind and say three buzzies. Three buzzies recommend, and that's on demand. So you mean TVNZ Plus? Yes. Yeah, right. Okay, I watched the show on TVNZ Plus as well, and it's called Here We Go. It's a British comedy sitcom. It features one of the main guys from Afterlife, the woman from IT Crowd. Was that Olivia Colman?

17:01Jase:No, no, no. She was on Peep Show, wasn't she? Catherine. She's very funny. Catherine Zeta-Jones. That's the one. And one of the guys from Sex Education. Just a whole lot of people I recognised. And Pamela, Gavin's mum from Gavin and Stacey, she's in it as well. It's basically the youngest member of the family Is making a documentary on his family For his media studies class And it's just a great British comedy There's three seasons of it Six episodes a season First episode, very funny I gave it four out of five buzies Wow Yeah What's it called? Here we go Yeah, check it out, Jase Siri No, stop And that Pluto album is called Four And it came out in 2019 There you go, give it a whirl Good stuff, fellas The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy.

17:46Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

17:49Keyzie:Yeah, welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're getting through your hump day tickety-boo. You're listening to The Big Show brought to you by Ree Burger. Handcrafted burgers, loaded fries and gourmet eats. That'll change the game.

18:02Jase:Scrumdedly-umptious. You're working on a new accent there. I don't know, I'm just trying to mix it up, man. I feel like I'm saying the same four things over and over and then just going... Yum! But every time it's great. Yeah, I know. That's just because I'm putting some spice on it. Yeah, it is.

18:15Keyzie:Hey, fellas, you know, just on the whole Fiji thing, by the way, I'm really concerned about wearing shorts because I just feel like people are going to say some hurtful things about my withered pins.

18:28Jase:Well, why don't we talk about that for sort of three to four and a half minutes? You don't want to just gloss over it here. I think that's a great idea, Jase. I've been worried about the same thing, to be honest. Yeah. What, no one in here is going to talk about it like that?

18:41Keyzie:No, no Actually there's a bit of controversy going on at the moment in the big show About a video that was made by old Pugsan That I refuse to allow him to release He's even asked my wife's permission And she was vehemently against it No she wasn't, I saw the text She said she agreed, she agreed it was funny and that it was fine

19:00Jase:She said I'm sure your audience would find it funny It's with a laughy emoji too

19:05Keyzie:No there was no laughy, it was the devil's face and a ragey face. No, there was not. But we'll maybe talk about that later on as well. But coming up, jeez, I tell you what, there's been some controversy, and I'm sick and tired of it. I'm sick and tired of it, and we need to address it. Yeah, we'll do that next, shall we? Okay. Because, yeah, it's getting out of hand. I want to clear my name, personally. Jeez, talk about covering your back, Keezy. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Soundgarden there on the radio. Hodaki Big Show this Wednesday afternoon. The time is 15 past five o 'clock.

19:43Keyzie:Now, fellas, it's not unusual for this show to be accused of all sorts of things. It's almost like for this radio station, we're like the full guy for everyone. If anything goes wrong, it's the Big Show's fault. If anything goes missing, it's the Big Show's fault. Well, mainly that one, to be honest. The reason is, though, Jase, is because, I don't know if you know this, but people...

20:05Jase:Because of the thieving, right? People, yeah, but I don't know if you, like, people work sort of 8.30 till 5 every day. You're joking. That's sort of what a lot of people do. So in those hours, there's a lot of people here in the Horeaki office. They see the breakfast show. They see the daytime shows and stuff. And if anything bad happens or anyone's wondering what the hell happened to something, they'll just blame us because we're not there to defend ourselves. The issue this morning was that Zoe, who works on the breakfast show, she's fresh off being an intern. So she's not exactly flush with cash.

20:36No. So she's not the richest person here at Radio Hauraki. She has a box of Cruskits, brand new unopened Cruskits. I don't know how much those cost. Someone took them. Someone took her Cruskits overnight. Yeah. I mean, first and foremost,

20:55Keyzie:what kind of animal would steal an intern, well, just beyond intern's food? I mean, that's - 100%, Jase. That's disgraceful. Oh, 100 % it is. That's what I thought. The issue is that every single person, including everyone on Breakfast, said, oh, the big show took it. Yeah. Why do you think that is, Mogi? Why do you think they said we took it?

21:16Jase:I think it's as you say there, Keezy. It's out of sight, out of mind. We beaver away, but they don't see us. Yeah. And then also, you know, there's the thieving that we do. Yeah, there's the thieving. There's a lot of thieving that goes on. I'm trying to stop you guys doing that, by the way.

21:33Keyzie:because I'm over it. Jase, you're the main culprit. Everyone is saying it's you. Yeah.

21:40Jase:So when we're saying to you that they're saying that it's the big show, what we're really saying is they're saying that it's you. So they're suggesting that a bloke who's been on the dry, like top rating radio show. And can I say, Keasy, is the guy that's making the most money. Is the guy who's easily making the most, three times what Jerry's making, you know, like dog squad money, it would make your eyes water. and that's the guy who is stealing crackers off an intern.

22:04Keyzie:Yeah, I mean, it's outrageous that they would, you know, make those accusations against the fellas. No, stop. I mean, seriously, man, I'm over it. I threatened to curl one out before I left last night. I'm going to do it because this is just too far. I don't think doing poos in the studio in this case is going to fix the situation.

22:30Jase:Well, it'll be a massive distraction. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, do you think anybody's going to be talking about a missing box of Kruskets when there's a massive shit on the floor? Well, no, but what he's doing is distracting from the fact that he's gotten so used to stealing, from stealing chips from the ACC, that he's now stealing off of everyone, including an intern and her crackers.

22:50Keyzie:What I will say is this. I'm fond of the Krusket. But only if there's butter and marmite. Yeah. All right, so I'm not just going to eat a nude Crusket. Pug-san, would you like to quickly just go on the record and just say how does young Zoe like her Cruskits? Yeah, g'day, fellas. Zoe likes to have her Cruskits with Vegemite. Oh, as a Vegemite. Oh, yuck. Yeah.

23:17Jase:But you've got butter and marmite at home, eh, Jase?

23:23Keyzie:Yes. Did you steal the Cruskits? If I stole the Cruskits, fellas, I would own it. No, you wouldn't. Did you steal the Cruskits? It's giving all of us such a terrible name. They just go, the Big Show stole it.

23:38Jase:Well, if it wasn't you, Jase, who was it? Yeah, well, that's what we've got to find out. And if you blame it on the cleaners again, I'll be disgusted. I'll buy you a box of Cruskits. He doesn't need it. Actually, I've got a packet. It doesn't taste as good either, does it, when it's been bought?

23:56Keyzie:Exactly. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. Cold War Kids there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. The time is 5.25, and it's really exciting news, actually. Is it breaking news? It can be, if you want.

24:17This is breaking news. It is breaking news. It better be breaking. That means it's like no one knows. This is breaking news. We've not talked about it. So just double checking.

24:29Jase:Because you can't just use the sting for no reason. We can't use the sting if it's just some stuff we've already talked about.

24:34Keyzie:The fellas are going down to the Dunedin Beer Festival. Didn't we? We talked about it yesterday, didn't we? And the day before. And the day before it as well. All right. That's all good.

24:47Jase:It's still pretty fresh. No, it is. Some people won't have heard it. Yeah, well, exactly. Some people only tune in on a Wednesday because the show's so good. No, I know, but, like, what I don't want to do is be the boy who cried breaking news and then, oh, here's a big show. And then when we actually have some breaking news, people are like, oh, it's just Jase talking about the beer festival, you know? Yeah. No, I understand your point. Right, OK.

25:12Jase:This is Breaking News. I just want to let everybody know that we won't do that again. So it's breaking news. So you signalled me to play the breaking news to say that we're not going to play the breaking news willy-nilly? People need to know, Keithy. Yeah, right, OK. And they're only going to take us seriously if we play that sting.

25:26Keyzie:Right, OK. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, fellas. I mean... That's all right. Rookie mistake from Hoity J. I'd expect better from you, Jase. Yes, I expect better from me. What were you saying about a beer festival, man? Well, the Dunedin Beer Festival, which I've been to a couple of times. Bloody great times. Yeah. I understand you guys haven't been down there yet. It's amazing. Great beersies. Great food as well. The Dunedin Craft Beer and Food Festival. Tickets available, dunedinbeerfest.co.nz. It's two days, 7th and 8th of November. The 7th is a Friday. We're actually going to be, so if you buy tickets to the Friday, the Big Show is actually going to be broadcasting live from a spot at the Beer Festival.

26:02Right. So you'll be able to go around, get some craft brew, some food, and sit down and pop a seat, watch the old Big Show, go to town. How good, man. Just go to town. Really, really good stuff. Yeah, yeah. And also, if you're from out of town and you don't know if you can put the funds together that'll get down there. We're actually running a competition at the moment. If you head to hodaki.co.nz and enter there, all you have to do is name our new Radio Hodaki Big Show Hazy Pale Ale that has been made in collaboration with Emerson's. It needs a name. Oh, yeah. So it'll be called the Big Show, Emerson's Big Show, Something, Hazy Pale Ale.

26:36Now, a few people have already done this. What do you think of these names, fellas? The Big Show's Buzzy Juice. That is really good Really? Yep The Big Show Buzzy Juice You think that's a good name for a hazy pale ale?

26:52Keyzie:I think it'll go down a treat Yes Right, okay Everyone loves sucking on a, what is it? Big Show Buzzy Juice Keezy's Cloudy Judgment

27:04The Big Schnoz Hop Honker

27:10The Hopped Up Backbone The Hard Yards, Hauraki Pirates. So, you know, some regular ones in there. Triple Honkers, hazy.

27:21Jase:Meat Patty Nips, hazy. Yeah, that's got to be in there. Yeah, that's definitely in the race. Yeah, Big Dick Energy, hazy. That doesn't sound like us. This one's good. Olfactory Ale. Huh? Because your olfactory system is your schnoz, isn't it? Oh, is it? I think so.

27:36Keyzie:Oh, yeah, it is. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Olfactory. Yeah, olfactory, is it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Meat Paddy Hazy. Oh, this one's my favourite so far. Yellow Wheeze.

27:49Jase:Hazy IPA. It feels like there'd be a ton of Tony ones in there. Are there no Tony entries? No Tony entries. All the Tony entries are through the text machine, which doesn't count. You have to go to hodaki.co.nz, get yourself in the drawer, and you will win, by the way, you and a mate getting flown down there from wherever you are, accommodation tickets to the beer festival as well. Yes. So it's worth doing, and you could potentially name our beer, which is exciting. Some bloody rippers came through over the techs. Tony on all fours was one. I don't remember that one. Did that come through? I really like that one.

28:17That was a great one. I don't think that one came through.

28:19Keyzie:I still have a fondness for the Midnight Steamer. Yes, I do too. Yeah, the Midnight Steamer. So, look, hauraki.co.nz. Get yourself in the draw there and you could be flown down and we'll put you up for the night too. Come to the old Dunedin Beer Festival. Thanks to Emerson's, by the way. Yeah, man. For making it all possible.

28:40This is Breaking News. What?

28:42Keyzie:Yeah, coming up, everyone, we've got comedian Jack Anset. That's not how you use Breaking News. It's a tease. I mentioned that at the start of the show. Oh, you did actually mention that. He's mentioned it twice now, yeah. Jase. Oh, man. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Oh. Nothing like a bit of Metallica, eh, fellas? on a Wednesday afternoon, the sun beating down, the wind whipping across the plains. We've got a special treat. And that's comedian Jack Anse. G'day, Jack, you mad bastard. How's life? Hey, guys. Yeah, good to be here. This is definitely a downgrade from the last time I saw you in the penthouse suite.

29:23Yes.

29:24Keyzie:Oh, of course. Yes, the last interview we did was in the hotel. Yeah, I personally felt it was a little overrated, actually, because it was like three and a half grand for that room. I'm not paying that. You know what I mean? Well, it was a presidential suite, so whenever big – like Harry Styles stayed – and you won't know who that is, Jase. Yeah. But he stayed in that suite at the Sky City Casino. You're joking. Then we broadcast from there. And famously, Jack, and I'm sure you remember this vividly, I was doing the radio show from the bathtub. Oh, yeah, it was brilliant comedy. It's good comedy.

29:53Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it really translated well to on-air.

29:56Jase:You could hear the laughs echoing up from the street down below. Yeah. The whole nation was engaged. Keezy in the tub, man.

30:03Keyzie:So if I'm correct in getting that time frame right, you were about to do a comedy show then, weren't you? For the International Comedy Fest, yeah. No, it's not the Comedy Festival. But you were. Oh, yeah, then. Yes, I was. How did it go, mate? Talk us through it. Sell out audiences, people pissing themselves. Oh, you pretty much painted a picture of exactly what it was. Yes. But I only did two nights, so that's why I'm here, because I'm coming back. Yeah. Is it the same show that you crafted for the Comedy Fest? It is pretty much, but I've added some old hits from the past to make it kind of a best-of situation, and it's going to be in some of the biggest rooms I've ever done, so I could be out of my depth, but that's why I'm here.

30:46Jase:Focus on that, man. Focus on that fear.

30:49Keyzie:Think about how many people are going to be there. Well, Jase, you can probably lend some advice to young Jack here because you would have sold out some huge rooms in your time. Yes, you were a Billy T winner. Yeah, apparently so. That was before they gave you cash for winning it. Yeah, and before I was born. Before you were born, yeah, probably, actually. Probably before you were born, jeez. But yeah, what were the biggest rooms you did, Jase? Oh, look, where do I begin? The Palladium was probably the biggest. Oh, wow. Is it the London Palladium? Yes, Sky City, I think we had 800 at one point.

31:29Keyzie:Really? You're joking.

31:30Jase:Sky City hadn't been built. Yeah, it had been.

31:34Keyzie:Wellington Town Hall. Oh, wow. I don't know what that seats, Jack. You probably know that.

31:38Jase:I remember correctly, Jase, you did a run of atrocities at Sky City. Is that accurate? Yeah, we did. Yes.

31:46Keyzie:The show was called Atrocities. The show was called Atrocities. To be fair, Sky City could be a number of different venues. Yes, it can be. Well, can I just say, Jack, we were in the biggest one. Wow. And my attitude, it didn't change. I mean, if I had a small audience, a bigot, it was always the same. I'm here to delight my audience, to transport them on a train of comedy. Yeah. You know what I mean? To bewilder them. To bewilder them. To inspire them, to fill them full of despair. What about you, Jack? What's your approach, man? Oh, yeah, I'm just doing my best, you know, pretty much. Yeah, it's not that deep, man.

32:22Can't do it. Are you a nervous performer or are you pretty confident up there? No, I do get nervous. Only if there's someone I know in the crowd. Right. Yeah, that's the worst. Yeah, that is. Or like family or friends or something. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, because you know you're going to have to see them straight after.

32:39Jase:I find it really weird how when people, they'll talk about the first time they ever did comedy and they invite all their mates and their family along. It's like, but similarly, I also know people that really wanted to get into comedy. I think this is true of both Nick Raddo and Guy Montgomery. They moved to different countries. Yes. Because they didn't want anybody to see them. They went away and they did it for years and then they came back once they felt comfortable so their mates could watch them without giving them shit. That's a good strategy because usually what you do is you invite everyone you know to your first one and tell them to laugh and you're guaranteed to kill it or you just do it at a dingy pub and tell no one.

33:17Yes. Yeah, yeah. That was very much my approach to it. Yeah. And we've got comedian Jack Ansett with us. Do you remember your first gig, man? How did that go? Yeah, my first gig was actually horrific. It was in a Mexican restaurant opposite Jade Stadium in Christchurch. Wow.

33:34Keyzie:Yes. Oh, man. Oh, no. That probably paints the picture quite well for you. Yeah. And it was about five punters just there to watch the rugby on the telly and eat their enchiladas or whatnot. Their nachos. Yeah, they weren't paying attention. and I started speaking and then I froze. Froze like a margarita. Yes, I did. And I didn't know what to say and I just stood there in silence for two minutes and then David Correos, who was the host, pulled me off stage and I kept going. Wow. That is. That's great. Bleak, hey? Yeah, and you came back again. I am. Yeah, well done. What was it like getting pulled off by David Correos?

34:16Well, that's happened a few times actually. Should we go to a tune, fellas, and we'll be back with more Jack Ansett and you can tell us about the tour you're about to go on, man. Oh, yes, brilliant. Led Zeppelin, anyone? The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

34:34Keyzie:Yes, indeed, Led Zeppelin there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show. This Wednesday evening we've got comedian Jack Ansett in the studio with us. He did a massively successful show at the New Zealand Comedy Festival. It was so successful, in fact, he wants to show it to more people, don't you, Jack? That's correct, yes. It's the 1st of November in Auckland, 7th of November in Christchurch and 14th in Wellington. And, Jack, you've called it best of. Jack answered best of. Good.

35:02Jase:That was my question, Kesey. I was going to say, what's it called? Yeah. So it's the best you've got to offer, really, isn't it? Yeah, I'm going to be working my tail off up there. Yeah. And so how old are you? How old do you think? That's the question that a young person asks. I'm going to say 26. 30. Yeah, I am 27. Okay. So do you think you're old enough and experienced enough to have a best of gig? Well, I've been going since I was 14 years old. Yeah, right. Okay. So I think so. Yeah, right. That's bloody ages. 11, 12 years. So 14. Yeah. You're doing stand-up. Yeah, mum was driving me to restaurants and bars.

35:39Mexican restaurants. Yeah. Because I couldn't legally be there without her. I got a bar shut down once because I went there without mum and there was a cop in the front row and she found out that I was under 18 and then shut the bar down Wow, that sounds like a good bar

35:56Jase:Great stuff

35:57Keyzie:Now tell me about the venues you're playing because you're saying they're bigger than what you normally play Yeah they are Where are you playing? I'm playing the big room at the Q Theatre Oh that's a nightmare Don't do this to me mate

36:10Jase:The thing about it is evil when you're going great guns there. Somehow the laughter never makes it to the stage. That's right, man. It's a dead spot, eh? Like you would know, mate. We've done the biggest stages of the Q3. Extraordinary. I think it's like 108 or something.

36:26Keyzie:They call it the Bermuda Triangle of comedy. Where else are you playing? The piano in Christchurch. Oh, God, I had some shockers there. And in Wellington? I'm not even going to say. they're all bad down there but if you guys want to get tickets head to Jack Ansert's Instagram he's got a link on his bio there and all the details are up there, Jack you have made plenty of appearances on 7 Days Guy Mont Spelling Bee and you're on this latest season of Taskmaster and Zed I remember speaking to Di Henwood earlier this year and he was saying back in the day when he was on C4 he was on insert video here and all of a sudden his gigs went from you know, a smattering of people to queues out the door.

37:09Yes. Have you noticed an impact of TV on your comedy career? No. Nothing. Isn't that interesting, right? Because TV has changed. Back in the day, everyone was watching everything. Yeah. So you haven't noticed an impact? Well, I mean, I think probably more people know of me now, but if you do a seven days, you'd probably get one Instagram follower maybe these days. But they talk about Ben Hurley and Di and Paul. they talk about back in the day being rock stars. Oh, 2009 and 10 and so on. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, but I guess it's all online now and things like that. You know, bloody hell, you wouldn't know much about that, Jason.

37:46It's a slow build, mate.

37:47Jase:She's a slow build. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's chipping away, isn't it? Yeah. Jack, in terms of Instagram, what do you post on yours? I've just been posting my Taskmaster fails. Oh, that's a great stuff on there. The Taskmaster stuff's been going great. Are you allowed to do that? No. Oh, yeah, you do it anyway. You've got to post something. Fair enough, man. Well, just on Taskmaster, actually, because it's a format that I love, the British Taskmaster, and it was really cool when it came over here. We've had some Hauraki people be on it as well. How did you find doing the challenges and things? Because we've had Pax Asadi came in.

38:17He got really stressed out every time he was faced with a new challenge. Yeah, it's very stressful. And a lot of people online, they're commenting on the videos going, why didn't you do that, you idiot? But what you don't realise is you've got cameras on you. You've got the pressure of being a funny dude. You've got all this pressure. and then you've got to read it and make sense of it and then they go, okay, off you go. Go, yeah, right. You don't really read it again. No. And then you go, oh, five minutes, quick. You've just got to go. So you just have to go with that initial thought that pops into your head the first thing?

38:47But that's often the funniest thing, you know, when you start panicking and, yeah. You guys should do it. It's almost like they want you to fail.

38:55Jase:Do you know what I mean? Pax was saying that the whole crew's been instructed not to give you anything. No, they don't. They aren't allowed to smile or talk to you. That is brutal. but you definitely knew you did something impressive when they cracked. For example, I don't know if you saw My Amazing Kick. Anyone see My Amazing Kick? No. We're going to watch it together after this. It is the most spectacular thing ever committed to film in this country, okay? You had to kick a ball from the balcony of the Taskmaster house. Oh, I have seen that. Into the door of the caravan? Into the caravan. I have seen it too, actually, yeah.

39:27Yeah, there you go. Memorable. It was like Dan Carter's 07 Highlanders. Oh, the curl. The curl. Banana kick. Yeah. Just through the air and boomerang, not boomerang, didn't come back. Just went, banana'd I mean, straight. It was incredible. I don't even remember what we were talking about. Just what a weapon you are on task marks. Just what a legend you are, man. Yeah. That's what we're talking about. But, Jack, unfortunately, that's all we've got time for. Thanks for coming in, man. And once again, if people want to get tickets to your three shows, Auckland, Christchurch, Wellington, all happening in November, head to at Jack Ansett on Instagram.

40:00Yes, thank you. and I hope to see you guys applying for Taskmaster. I'd like to see... Oh, I couldn't think of anything better. Come on, Jase. Jase has been turned down six seasons in a row.

40:12Keyzie:Some weasel will cheer you up, man. I'm going for Celebrity Treasure Island now. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll get you in those big rooms again. Yeah. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Jimmy Eat World there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. I'm very excited about after six o 'clock because what's on the dinner is back. I feel like, Keezy, you're just trying to get away with not doing what's on the dinner at the moment.

40:40Jase:And it feels like that's been going on for about three years. Yeah, it feels that way. You don't love it, do you, man? Well, no, I just do it because it's a service for the people of New Zealand. Yes. Even though my instinct tells me it's boring, you guys reassure me that it's great content.

40:54Keyzie:Mate, the numbers don't lie, Keezy. Can you send me those numbers? Yeah, definitely, man, definitely. What is what's on the dinner? Well, what we want you to do is send through your text on 3483 and tell us what you're having for dinner, and then Kesey reads it out.

41:07Jase:And then we sort of give our feedback on what people are having on the dinner. Yeah, that's right. So it's sort of like a very small master chef, isn't it, in a way? Not really. Well, yeah, it's what's the food, and then we're just cutting out all the cooking and the boring bits. Oh, yeah, the boring bits.

41:21Keyzie:Kesey, you know how much you and I love dinner, chat? Yeah. Well, this is what the people love too, man. Yeah. All right, fine. What's on the dinner after 6? Text through 3483. What are you having for dinner? You could win a$50 Reburger voucher.

41:36The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

41:42Keyzie:It is the biggest show and you're listening to it. This show, by the way, is brought to you by Reburger. Beef, chicken, vegan, vegetarian options too. Reburger. Redefining the norm, man. Have you heard about that?

41:56Jase:Yummy. How did that sound, fellas? I felt like I'm trying to do something fancy with it, but it's not really working. No, it was really good. Was it? It's just the fact that you're trying something new, mate. It keeps people on their toes. Yeah, right, okay. Do you like it, Jase? You're just sort of sitting there quietly with a smirk on your face.

42:11Keyzie:Yeah, look, it'll do.

42:15Keyzie:When they say vegan, what are we talking about here, fellas? No animal products. Right, okay. So basically a vegan is, yeah. I haven't heard about this. Yeah, I know about, but is it like fake chicken patties? Or vegan chicken patties, or is it like tofu? I haven't looked into it.

42:30Jase:Well, that will depend, won't it? Right. Yeah, some places do beetroot-based, chickpea-based. Used to have a lot of those myself. There's also the sun-fed chicken sort of things, the fake chickeny things, which I used to eat a ton of when I was vegan. Yes. It's interesting to me now that I used to be a vegan, the amount of meat I'm putting away. No milk either there, Jase. No dairy products. I wonder if you're allowed to use a sauce chicken. What do you mean? and have them serve you. Yeah, probably not because it's animal rights, you see.

43:01Keyzie:Yeah, oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, no. Well, it's not always animal rights, though, is it? It could be just dietary.

43:07Jase:It could be dietary. Absolutely, it could. They've got a plant-based jackfruit patty. Jackfruit, that's the other one. Wow, okay. Yes, jackfruit. I might give that a crack. They've got some Impossible Beef as well, which is the stuff that tastes like beef but isn't beef. Yes. Yes, to be honest, that's probably, and they've also got a black bean and smoked paprika patty. There you go. A few options there for you, boy. Yeah, yeah. They've also got – so they do cheeseburger fries, which is fries with a bit of mince and all the cheeseburger sauces and onions on it. They do an impossible version of that as well.

43:37Wow. How good. Yeah, it's delicious. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

43:45Keyzie:David Bowie there, cat people. And that's really actually quite appropriate, fellas, for what we're about to talk about. You'll be aware that I've recently got a new cat. How long have you had the cat for? Actually, it's been a while now. Four or five months. Yeah, four or five months. Yeah. Named by the people. Yes. Jizz. That's right. So we had a text vote. The audience chose the name, and Hoity J had to name his new cat Jizz, which I think is a cute name. It is. I've got to be honest with you, fellas. She's grown on me. I'm very fond of her. She's got her little stumpy legs. Because you didn't like her.

44:24Keyzie:No, I didn't like her. Because I'd wake up and jizz would be on my face, you know what I mean? And it'd ruin my sleep. Yeah, right. And I don't like jizz on the couch either, just quietly.

44:36Jase:You don't mind it on your stomach though, eh?

44:38Keyzie:No, I don't mind it on my stomach. She'll be on my lap, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's fine. I don't mind that. Does she molt? No, she's not really a malter actually. Oh, that's good. But recently, because she goes outside now, She's allowed outside, and we've got a beautiful big garden, and she spends all her days catching skinks and things like that. Trying to find her way home again. Trying to find her way home again. Now, recently you'll be aware of the fact that, and I was just talking about it before, I've been doing a lot of gardening, and we've got a herb box. How big is it? Well, it's about probably a metre and a half by a metre and a half.

45:12Keyzie:Yeah. Maybe two metres by two metres. It used to be the girl's sandpit, which I built, by the way. It's a pretty bloody sturdy little bastard. Yeah. And it's still standing. It's still standing. Well, it's on the pavement there. And once the girls all left home, I went, I'm going to turn that into a herb box. Wait, wait, wait. So you waited until the girls left home. How old were they when they left home? Like 20? Yeah. When they were still using the sandpit? Yeah, they loved the sandpit, man. It was their favourite place. Yeah, right. Okay. And so I thought, I'm going to turn this into an herb box.

45:43Keyzie:Now, it's fair to say over the last year or so, it got a bit overgrown. Did it ever have any herbs in it? Yes, it did. Oh, it did. Herbs that weren't illegal? Yes, some of them. Okay, all right, yeah, cool. And recently, and it's not a big job, I ripped all the weeds and stuff out. There's still a few herbs in there. Unfortunately, what's happened is that Jizz now views this as her new litter box. Oh, no. Right. And if I think about it, there's all this fresh soil. It's in a box. It's big. It's spacious. And so now she's taken to doing her morning dump in there. Yeah, right. Is that a bad thing?

46:20Keyzie:Well, it is when you've got herbs in there, Kesey, and you're using the herbs in your dinner. But she probably does wheeze in there as well.

46:28Jase:She does wheeze in there. She loves it. Yeah, they love the soft soil. They do. Particularly of an herb garden. Right. And the aromas. Exactly, Mogey. Your basil, your lemon zest, your dill, your rosemary. Yeah, those are. Your thyme. Yeah, mint. Salt. Mint. Is it salt? Coriander?

46:52Keyzie:No, we haven't got any coriander, actually. But you've got salt. Flat parsley. Parsley, yeah. Yeah.

46:58Jase:The trick is you need to eat. What are you going to do then? You're going to try and discourage jizz?

47:02Keyzie:What I've tried to do is a bit of pepper. Oh, yeah. A bit of cayenne pepper. She loves it. That just seems to encourage you. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Killers there on the radio. Hauraki Big Show this Wednesday evening. Now, fellas, you know I've been doing a bit of work around the house, particularly in my deck area. Yeah. And I'm thinking, you know, it's actually looking so good now. I'm thinking to myself, I need some good stuff from a deck, you know, your barbecues, your sort of seating, your fire pits. Yeah. And then I was thinking about the fact that we're running this amazing competition with the mad bastards at Trade Tested, and I thought, I'm going to get involved with those guys.

47:44Yeah, man, you should go to tradetested.co.nz. Have you thought about doing that? I'm going to do it tonight.

47:48Keyzie:Really? Yeah, man. Why don't you just do it now? You've got a computer in front of you there, man. Yes, it's not on. Isn't it? Nah. That's weird. Yep, no, tradetester.co.nz. It is a great site if you're keen to spruce up your deck for summer. They will help you make your deck great. And we're running a competition with them at the moment as well. You just basically go onto their website, put together a card of$2 ,500 worth of stuff, and then head to hodaki.co.nz, enter the comp, and this Friday we could be calling you saying you've won.

48:16Jase:Frothing for that, man.

48:17Keyzie:$2 ,500. Yeah. It's quite a lot of stuff, actually, and we're doing that every Friday this month.

48:22Jase:We had a great winner last week, and he was also a chippy, wasn't he? So he got to do it all himself. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, man. Of course you can. And it's embarrassing. Yeah. What's a chippy? A carpenter. It is a carpenter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's where the wood chips fly everywhere. I don't know what the etymology is of that one, but it feels like it's wood chips. Yes, definitely wood chips.

48:44Keyzie:Mind you, you know, your builder likes a chip, though, I've found back in the day. And your radio host. Make your deck great with Trade Tested. Get stuck in. We could be calling you Friday. Now, just a quick thing we need to touch on here on the radio show. Pugs made a great social video of something Jase said on the show yesterday. Jase, you forbade him from actually sharing it on the internet, didn't you? I did. I did. You know, look, I'm pretty loose with that kind of stuff. I let quite a few go through, you know. Yeah. This one I was not happy.

49:17Jase:Yeah. I was not happy. Well, what sort of happens, Keezy, and, you know, you can back me up on this one, there are odd occasions where we go to air and we're not 100 % sure about what's going to come out of our mouths. We just sort of start chatting away there. Yeah. And if we just feed out enough rope, eventually Jase is going to say something that he will regret immediately. And then we know we've done a good job and we can play a song. That's right. And then we go, cool, pug, snip that up, put it on the Instagram, boom, 400 likes. Yeah, and then Jase worries about it. But it was a pretty, yesterday's show was, it was a pretty, pretty, pretty, full-on little piece of content there.

49:57Jase:And you were briefly worried about it. But I think, look, we've put it to the vote. It's gone up on the Instagram story. And every single person, bar one, you, Jase, voted that it should come out. Yeah, so 2 ,000 people or something like that had voted yes. One person voted no. Pugs clicked on that person to see who it was, and it was Hoity J. And out of all of the polls that we have run across all of these years, we have never had a clean sweep like that. No.

50:25Keyzie:Well, I was just under the understanding that it had to be 100 % yes.

50:29Jase:Yeah, but because you are part of the station, you're not allowed to vote. Yeah. So it was 100%. What's it called when you rig the votes like that? You can't do that, Jase. It's not good. The upshot of all of this is one of the all-time great videos from the Horeki Big Show. Is it up there now? I think Pugs will have it up there now, yeah, absolutely. Straight up there on the old socials. Share and share and tag a mate. 7 o 'clock, he's saying 7 p.m. Right, bit of a wait then. Yeah. Cool, because it would be good if it was out now. If it was out now. I'm going incognito mode.

51:02Keyzie:Oh, no, that's for pervy stuff. That's for something else. It's not going to do anything, man. Yeah, right. But, yeah, make sure you check it out. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. David Bowie there, cat people. And that's really actually quite appropriate, fellas, for what we're about to talk about. You'll be aware that I've recently got a new cat. How long have you had the cat for? Actually, it's been a while now. Four or five months. Yeah, four or five months. Named by the people. Yes. Jizz. That's right. So we had a text vote. The audience chose the name, and Hoity J had to name his new cat Jizz, which I think is a cute name.

51:45Keyzie:It is. I've got to be honest with you, fellas. She's grown on me. I'm very fond of her. She's got her little stumpy legs. Because you didn't like her. No, I didn't like her. Because I'd wake up and Jizz would be on my face, you know what I mean? And it ruined my sleep. Yeah, right. And I don't like Jizz on the couch either, just quietly.

52:05Jase:You don't mind it on your stomach, though.

52:07Keyzie:No, I don't mind it almost. She will be on my lap. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's fine. I don't mind that. Does she molt? No, she's not really a malter, actually. Oh, that's good. But recently, because she goes outside now, she's allowed outside, and we've got a beautiful big garden, and she spends all her days catching skinks and things like that. Trying to find her way home again. Trying to find her way home again. Now, recently, you'll be aware of the fact that, and I was just talking about it before, I've been doing a lot of gardening, and we've got a herb box. How big is it? Well, it's about probably a metre and a half by a metre and a half.

52:42Keyzie:Yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe two metres by two metres. It used to be the girls' sandpit. Oh. Which I built, by the way. It's a pretty bloody sturdy little bastard. Yeah. And it's still standing. It's still standing. Well, it's on the pavement there. And once the girls all left home, I went, I'm going to turn that into a herb box. Wait, wait, wait. So you waited until the girls left home. How old were they when they left home? Like 20? Yeah. When they were still using the sandpit? Yeah, they love to see it, man. It was their favourite place. Yeah, right, okay. And so I thought, I'm going to turn this into an herb box.

53:13Keyzie:Now, it's fair to say over the last year or so, it got a bit overgrown. Did it ever have any herbs in it? Yes, it did. Sorry, herbs that weren't illegal? Yes, some of them. Okay, all right, yeah, cool. And recently, and it's not a big job, I ripped all the weeds and stuff out. There's still a few herbs in there. Unfortunately, what's happened is that Jizz now views this as her new litter box. Oh, no. Right. And if I think about it, there's all this fresh soil. It's in a box. It's big. It's spacious. And so now she's taken to doing her morning dump in there. Yeah, right. Is that a bad thing? Well, it is when you've got herbs in there, Kesey, and you're using the herbs in your dinner.

53:55But she probably does wheeze in there as well.

53:57Jase:She does wheeze in there. She loves it. Yeah, they love the soft soil. They do. Particularly of an herb garden. Right. And the aromas. Exactly, Mogey. Your lemon zest. Your dill. Your rosemary. Yeah, those are. Your thyme. Yeah, mint. Salt. Mint. Salt. Coriander?

54:21Keyzie:No, we haven't got any coriander, actually. But you've got salt. Flat parsley. Parsley, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

54:28Jase:The trick is you need to – what are you going to do then? You're going to try and discourage jizz.

54:31Keyzie:What I've tried to do is a bit of pepper. Oh, yeah. A bit of cayenne pepper. She loves it.

54:38Jase:That just seems to encourage you. They don't like citrus peels. Okay. They don't like that at all. Right. Yeah, so you could chuck a bit of that in there. Nice. Citrus peels.

54:52Keyzie:Coffee grinds. Oh, okay, because I put them in the other flower beer, but I suppose I could chuck them in there. Yeah, nice. Right, because in my mind, she's doing poos there. It's going towards the herbs. They're going to grow really nicely. I don't see, yeah. No, no. Cat poos are particularly pungent. Really? They are. Yeah, yeah.

55:13Jase:They are. Okay. Well, they don't like citrus peels. Right, okay. Your coffee grind, Keezy. Because citrus, that's like lemons and oranges, Jase. Yeah. Okay, lemons and oranges. Your kiwi fruit. Yeah, yeah. Kiwi fruit. They don't like them fully formed either, so it's not just the zest. It's like if you throw an orange at a cat, they hate it. Especially when they're mid-steamer. So you imagine you're out there doing a steamer in the herb box and someone, mogi, comes out and brands an orange at you.

55:40Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm actually thinking in that regard, of course, stuff in my fruit bowl's always going off anyway, so I could just biff that in there maybe. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. And coffee grinds, did you say?

55:50Jase:Don't look like coffee grinds, especially in the eyes.

55:52Keyzie:Right. Okay. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

56:08Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's a big show done and dusted for you Wednesday. I'm going to go home and turn off all my devices, just watch a bit of TV and make sure I don't have a tutu or a look on social media. Is that because of the new video that Pugs is about to put up? Yes. We're not allowed to put it up earlier. We have to wait until 7 because he's got a little countdown timer going on the story there.

56:28Jase:Oh, has he just deleted it? No, no, no. Yeah, it's clever. Just delete it. No, no, not the video. The timer. No, the timer's good. It's clever. It's like, hey, you voted for it and now there's a timer. You wanted it. And here it comes and then people will be there ready to go at 7. Yes. I like it. Yeah, man. Plus, a lot of people listen to this on the podcast. It's already out for them. Yeah, podcasts. Yeah, do you know about the podcast, Jase? We do a couple, don't we? Yeah, we do two of them, man. What's the other one called? Outro clip. We should have a think about that, actually. Is it time to change the name of the outro clip?

57:02Jase:It doesn't really mean anything. What do you mean, outro? Because it used to be the Baraki Breakfast intro. They had the intro, and then they changed their name, and so our outro makes even less sense. It feels like it could have a snazzy name. I agree. Like Keezy Hoity Jizzbot and Old Mogey do a podcast every single day. Oh, there you go. That's Saturday and Sunday. That's the name of it? Yes. That's great. Here's a clip of today's episode of Keezy, Hoity, Jizzbot and Moggy do a podcast every day except for Saturday and Sunday. Every single day. Every single day. This is called Opinion.

57:35Keyzie:My opinion of you during this podcast has dropped dramatically, Keezy. Did you have really quite a high opinion of me? Well, you know, I was talking yesterday about how sensibly you were dressed, but actually now I realise you're just a filthy bastard. A merchant of filth.

57:51Jase:It was shocking today. It wasn't that bad, was it? It was real bad. I was surprised, Jase, by I didn't realise you were such an uptight pearl clutcher. You're a prude, man. We're having healthy conversations, sexual discussions. Trying to normalise it. You know, there's podcasts that go gangbusters, and we're trying to do the same thing. And you start talking about pounding away, Jase. Well there you go

58:20Keyzie:Is he a prude or is he You need to go and listen to it now Actually do we need a disclaimer On that one No I don't think Nah it's fine Because the only thing there was no swearing

58:34Jase:I think we leave it up to Pugs If Pugs thinks it needs it Then it gets it

58:39Keyzie:I don't trust Pugs' judgement anymore Not with a video he's about to release It's coming out soon everyone and gather around the phone. It's about to come out. This is exciting. We should do a watch party. Yeah, we should, man. I'm getting out of here and hiding. Is this a premiere right now that we're at? Hey, thanks for listening to the show. Do check out the Instagram. Do check out the podcast. Till tomorrow. See you later. Bye.