FULL SHOW: We can't say that on radio (ft Heta Dawson!)

17:45Yeah. Yes. You go first, man. Mogi's not here, so you can go. Okay, man. Because you're Komatoa. You are my elder. Well, only just. Only just because you're 39 and I'm 34, but still. Fair enough, Keezy.

18:02Keyzie:I started watching a show that we've watched before, my wife and I, and our daughter got us back into it and it had nothing to do with arse play. Hey, just so, if you've just joined us, it's a reference from earlier. It's not Hoardy J talking about arse play randomly with his family. It's a reference from earlier. Yeah. And... Dodge one there. Jesus. It was a... Yeah. Listen to the podcast. And it's called Alone. Oh, yeah. Did you watch this on Samsung telly? No, it wasn't on Samsung. It was on TVNZ+. Right, okay. Okay? And anyway, basically they get 10 people and they plop them in the middle of Tasmania, basically.

18:45Keyzie:Oh, yes. In the bush. And they've got to survive for as many days as they can. They get to take 10 items with them. Okay. And that's it. Right. And it's one of those shows where you get to sort of meet all the characters over time. You love some of them. You hate some of them. Some of them you want to fail. Some of them you want to succeed. Yeah. But you end up rooting for people. What do you mean by that? Like supporting them. This is no word of a lie. Most of them, most of the contestants after 19 days have eaten no protein. There's a guy called Shea from New Zealand. He's a possum hunter, and he hasn't managed to catch any food.

19:29Keyzie:I bet he's not really a possum hunter. He is totally a possum hunter. Right, okay. His record is 575 possums in one day. And he's a real bush dude. Like, he knows his stuff in the bush. Sets these amazing traps. And nothing. Still hasn't caught a damn thing. Wow. And for 19 days, without a word of a lie, all he's eaten is worms and, like, vegetation, foul vegetation. Right, okay. And that's happening to most of them. But, you know, they're all sort of fishing, and then one of them will catch, like, an eel or a fish. And they'll be so over the moon. And you find yourself cheering for them, going, yeah, man.

20:11That's great.

20:12Keyzie:Now you're talking, Andy. Are there any run-ins with, like, snakes and stuff? No, there hasn't been any sort of... One person who was doing very well in this particular series, and she was onto it big time, catching trout all over the place, had an amazing set-up for where she was living, got a massive infection and had to be taken out. Oh, taken out, like put her out of her misery. Well, not shot in the back paddock, but like flown out. Oh, flown out. Yeah, because she actually got a kidney infection, and they went, sorry, but you can't stay. So three of them are less so far, and that's after 20 days.

20:46Keyzie:Wow. It's a good show. It's entertaining. How many buzzies out of five? Oh, look, I'll give it three and a half buzzies. Out of a possible five, it's called Alone and it's on TVNZ+. Last night, my wife and I were fully geared up. Oh, yeah. We were ready. We were on the couch and we were ready for the finale of Australian Celebrity Amazing Race, right? Yes. Now, this is our Guilty Pleasers show. It's because of the places they go around the world. And also, as I've mentioned previously, a girl I used to work with at a fruit shop, Aisha Jean Scott, who is now a megastar, she's on Below Deck. She is one of the couples.

21:21Keyzie:So her career sort of took off. Hugely. Like superstardom. But it's cool to have a dog in the race, if you know what I mean. To have someone, or was it a horse in the race? Horse. I don't want to put my foot in it, yeah. Too late, man. But we were fully geared up for the finale. Turns out it was the penultimate episode, and we'd got it wrong. But it is amazing how these reality shows, and it's the same with Alone, the way they are cast is so important because now that we're at the end there, three of the couples, I'd say, are really entertaining. And it's been, those couples have got there because they've got to the end of these other challenges and they've gone, hey, it's not elimination.

21:58Yes. And they've kept the right people there because if it wasn't those people, I wouldn't still be watching. Yeah. So I'm convinced they manipulate it a wee bit and casting is so important.

22:07Keyzie:Well, I think, you know, No, because all these people have some skills in the bush, and I think there's an element of that in it, but also it is a genuine you have to try and survive as long as you can. Yeah, right. So it's realistic. It's realistic, yes. Yeah. Casting's so important. Like, imagine if I wasn't on the Big Show.

22:28Keyzie:I often do, and...

22:33The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

22:40Keyzie:Yeah, welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope your Tuesday's going along tickety-boo. You are, in fact, listening to The Big Show, brought to you by Toledo's. From work days to workouts, Toledo's keeps you balanced, refreshed and ready to go. Toledo's. You're getting really good at that, Jase. Yeah, thank you, man. I've had word from them. they're loving it. Yeah, I bet they are. Why wouldn't they? What's not to love, Keezy? 100%. They've said that we love what you guys are doing. Keep it up and just make sure you mention that you can get them online at toledos.co.nz. Oh, did they say that as well, did they?

23:12Keyzie:Yeah, yeah, they mentioned that. You hadn't been plugging that. Oh, right. Yeah, well, I don't tend to do the sort of admin. That's kind of your, you know. Have you noticed how that's happened? What's that? How all of a sudden my job is to do all of the admin. I'll be honest with you, Keezy. I would do it, but my computer is on the blink. Your computer's not on the blink. It's a brand new touchscreen one that was installed at the start of this year and you've never logged into it. Well, I don't know my password. I remember a couple of years ago we actually went through the drama of resetting your password.

23:44Keyzie:Yeah, it was a drama too. And getting you into your emails and it took a lot of effort. I think Pugs did it. And then we checked your emails. There was like a billion in there. Yeah, because I've never checked them over 14 years. And then we just never did it ever again. It's all expired again. Yeah. Actually, if anyone has any ideas what my password is, can you text me on 3483 and I'll give it a nudge? Imagine that, Keezy. Imagine if someone stumbled upon it and I could suddenly access all the NZME emails. Yeah, send through Hoardy J's password, 3483, every text in the drawer for a$50 cash injection thanks to Toledo's.

24:16You know everything that comes through is going to be an insult, right?

24:18Keyzie:Yeah, of course it is. That's quite a standard practice. Hey, it's Sheehan. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Horaki. Welcome back. The Big Show. Magic Round 3. Let's put another mad bastard on the bed. Or three. Totally, Jase. Someone's just texted in here again. What is Magic Round? Did they? I can't see it on my text machine. Oh, no, now that you're logged in, yeah, Troy, I have to stop lying about people texting in. Yeah, yeah. That was a complete lie, Keezy. Yeah, no, sorry. I might just explain what it is anyway. It's three days of rugby league action in Brisbane, Suncorp Stadium.

25:03Flights paid for, accommodation sorted, and you come in with the big show, fellas.

25:07Keyzie:Yeah, man, and we go off. Hey, g'day, Elliot, you mad bastard. How's life? Jake, you mad dog. How's it? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. Good, good. What do you do for a crust, Elliot? That's another tippy, mate. Oh, hey, hey, hey. Hey, I won't have any of that. Chippies are the backbone of this country, Elliot. You said it, mate. Yeah, totally. Good on you, Elliot. Hey, do you like rugby league, man? I'm quite fond of it, Keezy. Yeah, good on you, mate. Who's your team? Warriors, but second team, Tigers. Oh, wow. So you were pleased on Friday night or gutted? No, it still hurts. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was a shocking performance.

25:48Yeah, Jase, all right, mate. I mean, I mean. You get rugby league, don't you, Jase?

25:51Keyzie:Yeah, I totally do, man. I knew that was coming too. I like Elliot, actually. Dilly, can you just put a little tick next to Elliot's name? Thanks, mate. You're in the draw, bro. Hold the line, all right? Appreciate it. Good on you, mate. G'day, Scotty, you mad bastard. How's life? Yeah, g'day, Jase, you old dog. Pardon? You old dog. G'day, Jase, you mad dog. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, good on you there, Scotty. Hey, what do you do for a crust, man, if you don't mind me asking? Work in IT. Oh, yeah. That's computers, Jase. Yes. And Scotty, mate, you like rugby league? Yeah, definitely, mate. Just hold it there for a second, Scotty.

26:30What do you think about what he called me old for a start in IT?

26:35Keyzie:I mean, who's into that? Yeah, but I mean... He'll be some kind of computer-y dwee. He's not going to bring a computer in. I bet he's a gamer too. There's nothing wrong with being a gamer. You can be a gamer in like NRL. Hey, Scotty, good on you, mate. You're in the draw. Thank you, Jase. Have a good afternoon, buddy. Same with you, mate. Peter, you mad bastard. How's life? Good, thanks, fellas. Bloody good. Good on you, mate. What do you do for a crust, Peter? Cell reinforcing steel. Oh, that is backbone shit, man. Does it get any more backbone than that? I don't think so. I'm not chippy. No.

27:09I'm not chippy, mate, but do my best. Yeah, good on you.

27:12Keyzie:How's that industry going at the moment, mate? Oh, I've been challenging the last few years, to be fair. Yeah. Yeah, everything's challenging these days. Bloody oath. especially being on the radio. Hey, Pete, just quickly, it's Tuesday, so later on today we're going to do What's on the Dinner with me, Keezy. But just what are you having for dinner tonight? I've got to tell you, it's my wedding anniversary. We're going out. Oh, you flash bastards. You're going to tell us you're going to have chips with everything tonight? Chips and gravy. Yeah, I know you're talking. Lucky lady. All right, well, have fun at your anniversary, mate, and you're in the draw, so you hold the line.

27:46Thanks, fellas. God.

27:48Keyzie:How far away is your anniversary? because you know, of course, Keezy, I blew mine. My anniversary was in January. Oh, okay, yeah. Yeah, so we're past it. Oh, yes. Yeah, no, I nailed it. Got her a gift and everything, Jase. Yeah. Even said happy anniversary, man. Did you? Yeah, because you didn't do that, eh? No, I didn't do any of that. She appreciated the flowers she sent her, though. Yeah, yeah, no, they were nice. They were nice ones. Yeah, yeah. And I was going to put it from Jase and Keezy. Yes. And then I was like, oh, nah, so I just put it just from Keezy. Hey, coming up next, though, Jase, comedian Heta Dawson, Now, there's a great comedian getting around Auckland.

28:22Her name is Courtney Dawson. She's been on the show before. Yes. I think she's been on Taskmaster and a few other shows like that. She's fantastic. It's her dad, and he operates a comedy club out of his shed in Manurewa. Yeah, man. He's an absolute backbone, and he's coming on the show next. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

28:41Keyzie:Yes, indeed. Harvey Danger there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show, this beautiful, if not blustery, Tuesday afternoon. We've got a very special guest in the studio with us, comedian Heta Dawson. G'day, Maydow's Life. Kia ora, boys. It's good to be here. Radio Hauraki. Yeah, man. Now, Heta, I've met your daughter quite a few times, Courtney Dawson. Now, last time I saw her, we were rather steamed together at a BYO in Kingsland. That seems possible. Yeah, yeah. And she told me quite a lot about you because you're running, you have done for a long time, you run a comedy club out of your garage. That's right.

29:17I run, it's called Poppy's Comedy. It's out of my garage. It's been going for about 20 months. Oh, how good, man. And so how did you, do you need consent for something like that? Or do you just chuck up some speakers and get into it? Yeah. Speakers, lights, stage, seats. Yeah. Do you sell like wedges and stuff? Do you have like, can you have some beersies here? Yeah. Well, funny you said that, Jason. I put on a kai every time we have a gig. So we put on a lamb roast and we invite people from the show and the comics to come up, have a few beers. Oh, how brilliant. Have something to eat. Yeah. It's not just about the comedy, it's about the community.

29:56100%. And so how often do you do these? Well, in April I've got one this week, the following week, and the next week. And, of course, when the festival kicks off for three weeks, I'm going to have six acts in this little garage doing 18 shows.

30:12Keyzie:Oh, my God. And so what's your sort of seating arrangement? I mean, how many people are we looking at here? And who is kind of your audience that turns up for this? Sure. One of the things is that I decided to put comedy in my garage because I sat on the International Comedy Trust as a board member. Yes. We talked about having comedy out in the suburbs. I decided, eff it, I'm going to do it. Yeah, man. So I did it. So I cleared out the garage, told the missus what I was going to do. She said I was crazy. And then I just got these seats from Scotty at the Classic. Brilliant. Put them in there. I just kind of wiggle things around a little bit, but I can see 30 people, 40 at a push.

30:50Right, so we're talking like a double, like a conjoined doubles. I'm trying to picture the house.

30:56Keyzie:Sure. Let me just do the maths here. Or is it a separate sort of standalone garage? No, no, you go downstairs. Right. It's like underground comedy, right, and it's got this brick wall. And I film all the gigs, and when I post them up, that could be done in anywhere in the world. You go, where's it from? But which suburb is it in? Manurewa. Manurewa, how good is that? Yeah. 30, Keezy, 30 people, 80 bucks a head. What's that? 200. 2 ,400. You're doing all right there, Hedda. Not at 30 bucks a head. 80 bucks a head. 80, man. 80 bucks. You've got to put your price up. Oh, yeah. 80 bucks. Well, my mouth is wrong.

31:35Keyzie:Well, it's a great idea because, I mean, you know, often we think that comedy has to, you know, happen in certain places and it has to be in a pub or it has to be there. Comedy can happen wherever the bloody hell you choose it to happen. If you've got a little set-up like that, perfect. I put it up because for have Māori and Pasifika comics to have a space in which they can do comedy. Great. Sure, we let the others come in, but, you know, primarily. Yeah. If you have to. If we have to. It is a space. We're open to everybody. We like that. But I have some of the best comics in New Zealand turn up and do comedy.

32:11Well, this is the funny thing, Heta, is the Maori side of my family, which is my mum's side, my uncles are like the funniest people I've ever met. But they would never come into town and go to like the classic comedy show or anything like that. They're too busy at home having a few beers and giving each other shit. So your set-up that you've got, Poppy's, you said, eh? Yeah, Poppy's Comedy. Poppy's Comedy. It's a great way to get guys like that. and people like that into doing comedy. A hundred percent. The number of people that reach out and go, you know, is it okay if I give it a go? I go, yeah, man.

32:44Yeah. Yeah, let's put up a gig. Let's get you in there. Because in some spaces they don't feel comfortable, but it's in a garage in Manurea. But they turn up and they go, holy heck, this is a professional outfit. Yeah, so it's just getting them there. And so do you find that people come along and watch the show first and then shoulder tap you and say, can I have a crack? Yeah, and I also invite a lot of people to stay. Come in and have a look, see what you're up for.

33:04Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. And it's interesting, isn't it, Heta, because Keezy was interested in stand-up comedy there. And he sort of had the sort of attitude, I'm a bit of a funny bastard. Really? That is not the attitude I had. And he said, I reckon I could do this piece of piss. That is not. And went up there and bombed on his arse. That also didn't happen. Absolute shocker. And, I mean, but we loved it, didn't we, Keezy? We gave you support. Yeah. And your mum really enjoyed it, I remember. She's really proud of old Keezy. Yeah, that's pretty – Jase did a good job of summing it up there, Heta. No, no, I just decided that it was a lot more work to be a stand-up comedian than I was ready for.

33:42You've got to get out there every night, Heta. You've got to be out there like 10 p.m. on a Wednesday. You've got to eat it. You've got to eat a lot of it to get better.

33:50Keyzie:What's your own sort of little journey in terms of comedy? Do you stand up yourself? How long have you been doing it for? For about nine years. Oh, yeah, nice. And I got into it because I saw a guy from work said, hey man I did stand up comedy and I was really good and I was even was laughing and I was looking at him and going bro I think I'm better than you I'm going to give this a crack and I gave it a crack and I loved it and I just kept on going beautiful yeah well what we might do Jase is we talked about Poppy's comedy so if you want to go and see some stand up comedy in Manurewa make sure you hit that give it a Google is that how you give it a Google yeah yeah 100 % and up next Jase we'll talk about Heta's show in the International Comedy Fest which is coming up beautiful The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy.

34:34Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

34:37Keyzie:KG Elephant there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. We've got comedian Hedlitt Dawson in with us. And I believe with the comedy festival coming up, Hedlitt, you've got a show in the festival. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to be doing my first solo show. I've been doing comedy for about nine years. I thought, might as well get one. It's time to pull the, you know. It's time. It's time, Hedlitt. It's time, man. So how does that feel? Because your show is called The Koro Chronicles because you are a koro. I am a koro. Which, for those that don't know, is the Māori word for grandfather.

35:08I am. And so, first of all, how nervous were you when it came time to make that decision to do a full just – because is it an hour long? Yeah, it's an hour long. Far out. Yeah. And so you've got to take all these eight, ten-minute things you've been doing, put them together and just give us your best stuff, right? That is the one. And there's a flow to it about how you kind of start off and then how it tapers off and then how you're trying to continue to engage the audience and then how you kind of finish off really big. So finding that through line to, yeah, okay.

35:38Keyzie:I'll tell you what, it's a big call, man. You know, I've seen people do that and, you know, they go, oh, they do the 10-minute set and the fifth, and then they do the hour and, oh, jeez, mate. So, thanks. Good luck with that. No, but I'm sure it'll go great. I mean, no. Yeah, bro. So the Koro Chronicles, in terms of being a Koro, do you get a lot of content from your grandkids? Do I what? It's about, you know, I'm 58. I'm a Koro. It's a real personal show. It's a little bit about what's been going on in my life, talking about past Hedder, all that stuff he got up to, what he's doing now, what does the future look like for him.

36:16And so I get lots of stuff from my wife and my kids and my grandkids, so many observations from them. And I go, man, I need to get this on stage.

36:23Keyzie:I tell you what, man, I've got four daughters, Heta, and my wife is hanging out for a grandbaby. Like she – I mean, I even suggested that maybe we should have another baby just because, you know, she's so desperate for a baby. Good news is, oh, Keezy, I believe. If you tell Heta that I'm expecting a child, this is an ongoing joke that I'm expecting a child. I'm not. Oh. I'm not. Oh, what? No, Jase, come on, man. This is about Heta being a grandfather, not you. Yeah. So in terms of the festival, obviously it gets underway in May. What point are you at with your show? Have you got it all figured out and now you're just honing it?

37:06I'm ready to go. Yeah, nice, man. Ready to go. I was down in Palmerston North. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. And I did it. Yeah. Whole hour. All good? Even to the bit where I went, oh, how much time have I got? And the guy goes, oh, you're right on time. And I still had jokes in the pocket. Oh, yeah, nice. Because is that like a, I mean, Jase, you've done a shitload more stand-up comedy than I have, but is that like a worry when you get up there, when you're going for the hour is, on paper, yes, it's an hour, but you get up there, you get to 50 minutes, and you've run out, you know, is that a worry? Nah. Sweet.

37:38Nah, because if you do 48, 50, it's all G.

37:42Keyzie:It's all G, and it all depends, you know what I mean? No, seriously. True G, true. Johnny and I would sometimes be shockingly short of an hour, you know, and go, oh, well, that's not so good. To be honest with you guys, the audience was probably stoked. Yeah, well, they were. I mean, half of them would leave halfway through, Keezy, but, you know, the thing is it's all dependent on the audience too, you know what I mean? And an hour can go boom just like that and be over and done with, or it can feel like it goes on forever. It's part of the engagement, and if you finish strong, Yes. Then they leave remembering.

38:16That last memory. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, totally. You could be crap the entire time, but that last bit, they go, meh. That was funny.

38:22Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Now, Heta Dawson, comedian, who we're chatting to at the moment. Your daughter is Courtney Dawson, who we've had on the show before. Very funny chick. And I know you guys have done comedy together in the past, right? Yeah, so we were in the raw comedy quest together as finalists. Yeah, right. Up against one another. Yeah, that's right. Head to head. Oh. Who won? But we were head-to-head in this thing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she won. Yeah. How did you feel about that? Were you proud or? Stoked. Yeah, yeah. If it's any consolation, man, all my girls are funnier than me. You know what I mean?

39:01Yeah, not hard. Nah, just joking, Jason.

39:03Keyzie:Come on, Keezy. Yeah, no, I'm sorry. I keep getting reminded about it. No, I'm sure you do. She's funnier than you. Oh, man. We're different. We're different comics. Yes. Yeah, right. But he obviously has your genes in terms of comedy, you know what I mean? And that's a good thing. 100%. Well, look, Herta Dawson, thank you so much for coming on the show. Once again, if you'd like to go see Herta during the comedy festival, his show's called The Koror Chronicles. It's happening in May. And also, if you want to go watch some comedy out in Manurewa, make sure you Google Poppy's comedy. Yeah. I'm going to come out and visit because I really, really want to do that.

39:34It sounds awesome. Do it. I will do.

39:36Keyzie:Good on you, mate. All the best with the show. Thanks very much. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from 4 on Radio Hauraki. You're welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Tuesday night. You are, in fact, listening to the big show that's brought to you by Toledo's. Why pause your thirst? Defeat it with Toledo's. Toledo's. I think I'm getting it. I just don't know if you're nailing it yet. I feel like... What do you mean? Well, I just feel like you need to have a bit more enthusiasm. You're a bit sort of flat. It's just I'm not believing your performance, Gizzi. Well, I'm not really performing.

40:17I'm just sort of reading some sort of lines that they've written for me. So why pause your thirst? Defeat it.

40:25Keyzie:No, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the end bit of the music where you go Toledo. Where I say Toledo. You go Toledo. You see, this is why you never got acting work, because you're not selling it. You're not selling it, Keezy. You're not selling it. You're the one not getting me any acting work. Has anything changed in that front, by the way? Nah, she's a bit grim at the moment, Keezy. Oh, the industry? Yeah. Well, no, the industry's going great guns. Hey, keep those texts coming on 3483 in the meantime. Let's have a bit of the killers. You talking about what's on the dinner? Yeah, man.

41:003483, what are you having for tea? 50 bucks cash to be won. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

41:12Keyzie:Alice and Jane's unplugged there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday. I think I prefer that song unplugged way more. 100%. I'm the same with a lot of Nirvana songs. Yes. That's awesome. I actually really enjoyed that. You know what else you enjoy? Hey, guys. Text here from Steve. What's on the tea with me? Dinner with me, Keezy. that's good no it's not Mogi what's on the dinner with me tea with me Keezy or whatever the hell it's called were you texting on 3483 telling me what you're having for dinner where you are what your name is and you can win 50 bucks cash thanks to Toledo's I actually had someone come up to me on the street Keezy the other day and they said god I love this segment and I'll tell you why because this is what goes over your head they were like you know I'll be I always tune in for this time because I'll be walking home going god what do I have for tea and he gets ideas.

42:06Keyzie:It was a guy, was it? Yeah, from the suggestions that people make or what people say they're actually having for tea. Totally. What was his name? Tony. Well, that's my funny nickname. You haven't just looked at me and accidentally said Tony, have you? No, that was his name, man. Oh, really? What, can he not be called Tony? No, of course he can. I'm just, yeah, okay. Speaking of dinner and what to have, we've got Big Dilly in the studio with us. Why? Because he has been experimenting with a new experimental form of cooking, Jase. Oh, God. It's revolutionary, Jase. Get excited. So talk us through it, Dilly.

42:39So I was on Instagram, and I got served a whole bunch of these recipes, and I was like, I really want to give that a go. So I went and bought a$20 rice cooker from Kmart, and you can basically just biff a whole bunch of things into the rice cooker, flip go, walk away, 30 minutes later, boom, you got a whole meal. So put some rice in, obviously, and then -

42:57Keyzie:If you say tofu, I'm going to slap you. You can put tofu in it if you want. You can put chickpeas in it if you want. You can put meat in it if you want. Yeah, right. A whole bunch of sauces, a couple of vegetables, like your spring onions, your carrots, your peppers. So it makes like stir fries almost. It makes like a stir fry. Yeah. So you can soy sauce, a whole bunch of that, mix it around, lid on, flick on, walk away. Yeah, okay, interesting. Because I'm finding the air fryer is an extremely versatile thing as well. Yeah. Your toasty sammies, all sorts. 100%. You can cook all sorts in your air fryer.

43:30Well, actually, just on that, tomorrow we're having corned beef in a slow cooker.

43:36Keyzie:That's gross, man. I thought you were going to say in the air fryer. No. It's revolutionary. No, no, no. It's not in the slow cooker. It'll take a rest. Hey, fellas, lots of texts coming through on 3483. You guys are going to love these. Anonymous has texted through. He's having two pies for dinner. Two pies. Does he specify what kind of pie or just two pies? Just two pies. I'm thinking some meat, obviously. Okay, yeah, backbone. See, if I was going to do that, I'd go like a steak pie, and then my second pie would be like a dessert pie, but still meat, so maybe like a chicken and cranberry. A balanced meal, I like that.

44:07Keyzie:Right, okay, yeah. Or would you, Jase, would you just go both the same flavour? You would have been proud of me, actually, when I drove up to Mangawai on Sunday, Keezy. I thought of you because I bought five chicken firecrackers from the survey there, and they were like chicken nuggets. Oh, the little chicken bites. Yeah, but they were spicy, and I thought Keezy would love this. Yeah, I'd love it. My wife thought it was disgusting. You know what Kesey would love? Jase eating gas station food. Lots of texts coming through here. 3483. This is from Donna. Donna Ross. Yes, correct. Oh, yeah, okay.

44:44Yeah, that's the one. G'day, fellas. Donna Ross here. I don't even know who that is. Fam's out at football. We're having homemade sweet and sour and wok deep fried pork. It's from Donna. Oh, yeah. I don't mind a bit of sweet and sour action. Love sweet and sour pork. This text here from Scotty. Jay Stevenson? Jay Stevenson. Oh, wow, you're good. It's actually Scotty Pippin. G'day, guys. Scotty Pippin here. My girlfriend is making her special chicken pasta. It's okay, lol. But she obviously loves it.

45:17Keyzie:Yeah, I mean, I've got a couple of favourite chicken pastas, but, you know, it's kind of, they're a bit par se. How does that mean? It just means, you know, if my wife's making a chicken pasta, I go, okay. It's never going to be amazing. But I feel that about pasta in general, though. Yeah, right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Okay, one more here. This is from Giselle in Invercargill. Giselle. Can run really fast. Yes, that's her. Tonight I'm having a Keezy special. What do you think that is? Pork mince. Correct. Hey. Pork mince chow mein. Giselle in Invers. Good taste, Giselle. Hey, coming up next, Dilly, I understand you've got a dilemma.

45:59I certainly do. I need a bit of help, guys. Yeah, well, you come to the right place, Dilly. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

46:07Keyzie:Yes, indeed, Oasis there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Tuesday evening. Hey, fellas, testicular cancer is the number one cancer among young fellas here in New Zealand. You've still got burger rings in your mouth, eh? I do still have burger rings in my mouth, but I'm trying to fight through it. Rookie mistake, man. Oh God, they're really coming back to get me there Testicular cancer, where was I? It's the number one cancer among young fellas here in New Zealand However, it is highly treatable when caught early But people just aren't checking Alright, so there is a lump lottery that has been set up If you find a lump, you win a ute Alright, you find a lump, you win a ute You don't actually just win a ute for finding a lump But if you head to lumplottery.co.nz All the information is there, the ticket is in your pants Just check yourself and you could win a ute Now speak of the utes Can I just frequently say, if you're a bit grossed out by your own downstairs, get a mate to check for you.

46:59Keyzie:Keezy did it for me the other day, and it was all tickety-boo. Yeah, if you see me in the streets, just sing out. Get Keezy to do it. I'll check for you. Don't mind it at all. Now, speaking of you, Hoity J, we've got Big Dilly in the studio with us. Now let me just play the Big Dilly music. Big Dilly, of course, filling in for Pugsano, who's over in Vietnam at the moment, doing a great job, Dilly. Good on you, man. Oh, thanks, mate. That wasn't what you were saying off air, but I appreciate that. Yeah, that's true. Seriously, you've got to stop bagging them off air. And listen, I'm not happy about you sitting in Mogi's seat, by the way.

47:31Keyzie:You need to be sitting in the guest seat. Oh, okay. But that's okay. Other than that, what's going on, man? What's happening? Fellas, I have a problem, and I thought I'd come to you two to help me find a solution. I need to collect something from fielding. Right, fielding, North Island, Lower North Island? Lower North Island. See, now, here's me. I'm from the South Island. I didn't know where Fielding was. Right. So I just said to my mate, hey, no worries. I'm sure I can organise. I can pick that up. That's no stress. Turns out it's right next to, is that down by Palmerston? Yeah, it's right down there.

48:04It's miles away. It's quite a drive. It's quite a drive. And the thing they need to pick up, it's quite large as well. Right, okay. It is a racing simulator, which is. Oh, gaming. It's gaming, yeah. Oh, holly jay. Gaming. Jase. Jase

48:23Keyzie:carry on Dilly it's not the it's quite a sizable thing it won't fit in my Mazda 323 hatchback so yeah okay I need I need a ute and we just happen to have a ute at Horaki here we do have a Horaki ute right so is it how to get go about getting the ute yes because I didn't realise how far fielding is from Auckland it's about a 6 hour drive Jase and I'm not sure if you're aware the price of diesel right now It's through the roof, mate. It's through the roof. Right, so you're trying to figure, and I used to do this all the time. When I worked at the Crowd Goes Wild TV show, I used to borrow the Crowd Goes Wild ute all the time, doing a dump run or picking up stuff.

49:03Doing a dump?

49:04Keyzie:Yeah, taking stuff to the dump. Oh, right, okay. Why would you be doing, oh, from your house? Because you've got a fair amount of shit around your place, hey? Yeah, I'm not borrowing the ute to go toilet. I'm borrowing it to get rid of stuff, you know, when I needed to, like green waste and stuff. Yes. And it's hard because you've got to ask. Yeah. How do you go about doing that, Jase? What do we do? I'm disgusted, firstly. And I'm going to make sure I do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen. A gaming unit? A driving simulator? Not in my time, big dilly. And not in my vehicle.

49:41Keyzie:It's not your vehicle. It's a station vehicle. Well, it may as well. I am how-racky. It's pronounced ho-racky. Yeah. Well, to be fair, if you are Hauraki, you would know how to pronounce it. So maybe it is Hauraki. Yeah. I was going to offer you a go on the gaming simulator if you wanted, Jase, but. I'm a grown man, Dilly. I'm a grown man. I don't do gaming simulators. Yeah. Look, I'd like to help you, man, but the you does belong to Jase. Yeah. And also, how about this? Can I offer a suggestion? Please, that's why I'm here. Keezy's little truckie. He's got a little truckie with a big bloody unit in the back there.

50:19Keyzie:Deck. Deck. Is it petrol powered, Keezy? It's petrol. It's a V8, though. It'll cost you about$1 ,000 to get there and back. Oh. Yeah. Jase, you can't just, things you don't know the name of, you can't just put the word unit in there. Now, Keezy will do that for you. He'll fill it up. And whatever you use, you pay back. How does that sound? In his little truckie. Yeah, that actually works. Okay, good. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. Pixies there on the Radio Hauraki big show this blustery Tuesday evening. Hey, Jase. By the way, Mogi not here.

50:54He'll be back tomorrow. Jase, do you remember probably about a year ago where I told a story? Probably not then. Oh, well, hang on. It was about my wife and I in bed together.

51:07Keyzie:Oh, yeah, definitely. Oh, yes, I do. I do remember that story. And if you, basically, we were in bed together and things were getting a bit hot and heavy. Sure. And then at quite a pivotal moment, I remembered a funny thing that happened on the show earlier that day. And then I said out loud, it was funny today, old Mogey. He was, and then my wife interrupted me and said, if you mention old Mogey right now, then we are done here. Yes. And I couldn't even believe it came into my mind. Can I say that I related to that strongly because I'd done the same thing? Yes. It wasn't Mogey, it was someone else.

51:50Yeah, right. It wasn't Keezy, was it?

51:52Keyzie:No. Hmm. No one even knew who you were then. Oh, back then? Yeah, yeah. Well, I was on Crowd Goes Wild. Yeah, that's what I mean. Oh.

52:03So this was Friday night? Friday night after the WARS. Oh, yeah. The WARS had lost. You'd had a few. I had a few glasses of wine. Lost$1 ,500. I'd lost$1 ,500 worth of listeners' money, and I was feeling pretty frisky. And we went into the bedroom there, and I was, you know, trying it on. I was sort of leaning up against the door jam, being like, hey, yeah, and sort of swirling around a glass of red wine in my hand.

52:33Keyzie:Your balloon of wine. Yeah, I had my Waz jersey on. Did you have any pants or anything on? Yeah, my trackies. Oh, because you don't like being nude in front of you. Nah, not in front of my wife, nah. Well, understandably. And so anyway, things progressed. Okay. Not as far as last time. Yes. But we were chitty chatting. I mean, when you say not as far, I mean, where were you at specifically? I don't think that's needed. I'm just trying to form a picture in my mind. You don't need to picture it. I don't need you picturing it. Let's just say it wasn't like a surefire thing. Right, okay. Yeah, okay.

53:09Keyzie:Okay. This could go any way type. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember she asked a question and I turned to her and said, no, Jase, don't be silly. And then she just said, did you just call me Jase? And I was like, ah, yeah, it's happened again. And then it was all on. No, it wasn't. It was all off. So I don't know what's happening, but whenever I go into my bedroom, I picture you and Mogi. What's that about? Are you telling me that this has only happened twice in the last year? Yeah, fortunately, yes. But you've only had this situation. You've only looked to make love twice in the last year. You don't?

54:00Why?

54:00Keyzie:How often do you do it? Keezy. I think that's pretty good. If we want a baby, Keezy, you need to up your game, man. Okay, I'll try for three times next year. The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

54:23Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's the big show done and dusted this Tuesday evening. Of course, Mogi will be back tomorrow after hobnobbing with the stars tonight. But what's the podcast outro clip today, Keezy? For today's podcast outro, Big Dilly came in. It was a bit of a Big Dilly spesh. Yeah. Get to know Big Dilly. But still, as is inevitable, we actually found out more about you. This clip is entitled Greenpeace. I was a pretty good salesman, Keezy. I'm sure you were, Jase. I would have loved to just go back in time and walk past you as you were working for Greenpeace. With my ponytail.

54:59The only story about you and Greenpeace I know is that you went inside that guy's house and got steamed.

55:03Keyzie:Yeah, I did. And then he kicked me out because I wouldn't f*** off. Did you get the sale? No, I don't think I did, actually. But I drank about six or seven beersies. And then he was like, okay, I think you should go now. Worth it. Yeah, totally. Oh, those were the days, Keezy. Oh, they sound terrible. Seriously, if there's one job I do not envy, it's that walking around selling. Yeah, door to door. It's pretty brutal. And I feel bad. It's pretty brutal. I feel bad every time I ignore them and pretend to be on the phone. Yes. I feel terrible. I don't. Yeah. Losers. What are you doing tonight? Doing a hoity and eating dumplings again?

55:37Keyzie:Yeah, I think so, man. I just spoke to my daughter and was like, what do you want for dinner? And she said, oh, we've already eaten. I went to a special effort the other day where I bought the bachelor's handbag. I bought all these salads and bread rolls. I got home. I laid it out for her and her boyfriend. They ate a tiny amount, and I was like, I made all that effort. and then I looked in the recycling and there were two Domino's pizza dudes in there. Dudes in there. Right. And I was like, come on, man. To be fair, did you text and ask and say, hey, if I get a roast chook, would you have some?

56:15Keyzie:Well, no, but I mean, guaranteed if I didn't do that, I would have got home and they would have gone, oh, what are we going to eat? Yeah, sure. I don't know what to do, Jase. It's a tough one. Yeah, totally, man. You'll find this out easy. I can't wait. When the kitties arrive. Yeah, if they do. I'm going to a quiz night tonight at a pub what do you reckon I'm going to get for dinner

56:36Keyzie:something spicy and noodley nah it's a pub wedges nachos pizza ham and pineapple yeah good stuff mate there you go you sure hey make sure you check out the podcast make sure you check out the Instagram see you later Bye. Bye. Thank you.