FULL SHOW: WHO'S COMING TO FIJI?!

9:53Jase:How good, man. Yeah, real good. That's good. I was listening to Matt Heath on today's Agenda podcast, and he was over there on the course, and he ran into Cole Mills and Baz McCullum out there on the course. Right. Said it's a hell of a course. Every single tee is just its own work of art. Amazing. However, he says it gets very, very blustery, very, very windy, so that can have an effect, especially when you're slicing and hooking like a bastard. Yeah, well, we play in the Y-Tax, mate.

10:21Keyzie:We're hardened for that kind of stuff. Sure. Hardened. We suck. G'day, Matthew, you mad bastard. How's life? Yeah, good.

10:32Jase:Oh, he's a DJ.

10:33Keyzie:Oh, yeah, okay. Let's go on to France. G'day, France. How are you going? Hey, mate, how are you going? Here he is. Yeah, good, thanks, France. What do you do for a crust, mate? I'm a plumber. I know you. Backbone. Tell me, France, you like a bit of golf action. Oh, I love it, mate. Love it. Yeah. What's your favourite golf course? Oh, mate, I'm pretty blessed. I live down here in Taupo and probably Wairake is probably my favourite.

11:02Jase:The beautiful Wairake resort just outside of Taupo there. That's the one that has all the native birds and stuff walking around inside, eh? That's the one. That's the one. Flash guy.

11:11Keyzie:You're obviously pretty good, I reckon, France. what's your handicap? Oh, nah, boy's not too good. About a 16, so, you know, just an average. Right, if he's 16 and not very good, how bad are we, James? Yeah, we're really bad, man. And if you were to win, mate, who would you take with you?

11:27Jase:Oh, I've got a couple of guys that I play with, so I'll probably have to put the name in the hat, eh, and draw it out. That's a good idea. Good on you, you bad guy. Make it a fight to the death, man. Yeah, why not?

11:38Keyzie:Stay in the line, France, and old Puck Sam will take care of you. G'day, Zach. Zach, you man bastard. How's life? Oh, yeah, no, not too bad, fellas. How are we? Yeah, good, thanks, mate. Good weekend there, Zach. What was that, sorry? Good weekend there? Oh, yeah, nah, you know how it is, old hoody J.

11:56Jase:How's that hangover, brother? Oh, mate, not good.

12:02Keyzie:You like a bit of a whack to you, Zach?

12:04Jase:Yeah, yeah, we've been going out quite a bit recently. Playing a game with Christian Kellen in March next year, so that should be good fun. Yeah, how good. The Paikakariki Express. Wow. I bet he's really gunned, too. So sorry, man. Yeah.

12:19Keyzie:All right, Zach. Good on you, mate. You're in the draw. Stay on the line and Pugs will look after you. I was just going to say, by the way, to anyone that's getting in the draw right now, make sure you get your phone on after 5 o 'clock. We will be calling a winner. Should we do one more? Yeah, I reckon. Why not? G'day, Lee, you mad bastard. How's life? Bulla, Monaca, fellas. Ah, Bulla. Racism alert. Racism alert. Sorry, Jase, man. You've got to stop doing it. What? Is that going to happen when I'm over there, you think? There's no magical racism alarm that plays. Well, I don't want to offend people.

12:53Keyzie:No. You know what I mean? Really? I thought your whole thing was the opposite of that. Hey, Lee, man, have you ever been to Fiji? No, I have not, but I'm looking forward to going. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's positive. Fiji, Lee. Do you like golf? Yeah. I like a bit of golf, or at least four. Get it? Plus four? Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah. And who would you take with you, Lee? God. See, the first guy actually stole my thunder. I was like, I've got too many friends, so I literally put the friends on bits of paper, put them in a hat, draw one out.

13:27Jase:Yeah, right. You can't choose. You stole your thunder. That's a good idea, Lee. All right, mate, you are officially in the draw, bro. Have your phone on after five, just in case, all right? Good on you, man.

13:36Keyzie:I've snuck in there. Yeah, you have, mate. You have, yeah. About 5.20ish, I'm thinking, fellas. Maybe 5.30. We'll see. That's right. Officially, the draw is closed. Pugsana's now going to be going through all the names, putting in a randomiser, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Someone will be getting called after 5. Can't bloody wait. Excited. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki. Yes, indeed. Good shirt there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time, 4.37.

14:06Jase:You know, fellas, I had a, I don't know if you guys know this, but I've been on a holiday. Yes. One of my holidays this year, I went to Europe. Keys, are you with me? Yeah. Chase, you simply must go.

14:18Keyzie:Oh, look, you guys have written me out an extraordinary itinerary, and I'm very much looking forward to it. But you haven't been yet, though, right?

14:25Jase:No, I'm still trying to get the days off. So last week, I had another week off. Wow. I feel like I'm having a holiday every five minutes. Well, I wanted to get a bit of a New Zealand experience because I haven't done a holiday in New Zealand for a long time. Yes. Not enough I mentioned it, but last time I went away, I went to Europe. Didn't you go to the UK too and like see Oasis? Oasis, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty good.

14:53Jase:So this time I just sort of hung around Tamaki Makoto, Auckland. Oh, Auckland. It's a great city, Auckland. Often underrated. The city of sales. Yes. Totally. If you're into that. Do they mean like sailboat sails? Yeah. Yeah, okay. You don't really see that many.

15:11Keyzie:I'd actually be really curious to know how many people do sail in Auckland. Probably about 1 % of the population. Yeah, very few.

15:17Jase:Hardly any. We should look at changing the name of Auckland. That's a good idea, Philz. But while I was sort of on a break, the main idea was to look after my daughter. It was her school holiday, so I wanted to hang out with her. I've never had a one-on-one week with her, so that was really nice. Went to Hamilton. Have you been to Hamilton? Oh, now that's a city. Went there for a couple of days. Wow. Hamilton, she's not bad. That's their new catchphrase. Really? Yeah, which is overstating things, I think, a little bit.

15:47Keyzie:Apparently there's lots of really nice garden tours there. That's all that anyone ever says about Hamilton is the garden's nice. Yeah. Is there anything else or is it just the garden? No.

15:56Jase:Yeah, that's it. But also got the opportunity to do a few renovations around the house. We're in a new joint, obviously, and so I got the opportunity to get some tools out there. Oh, is this Renovation Chat? Oh, yeah. Renovation Chat with Jason Mike. So one of the things I had to do, the new place we've moved into, because I rent places, fellas. I'm not rich like you, Keezy, or you, Jase. So I had to put up some new curtains because I've only got Venetian blinds in the bedroom. Don't know why. Venetian, by the way, that's a Europe reference, Jase. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, it's in Venus.

16:32Keyzie:God, I was always like, what does that mean? It's where that's, yeah, the blinds from Europe. Yeah, pretty European, I guess. Yeah.

16:39Jase:But what happened was I got my wife to do it. Well, I didn't get to, she insisted on doing it. Yes. Because she doesn't like me effing and jeffing around the house. But she doesn't realise that that's part of it. Part of the process. It's part of the process. Now, she said, well, I'll do it and I'll do it without effing and jeffing. I said, all right, sweet as. Did you effing jeffing it when you said that? Bet you can't. So she got up there and she did the brackets along there, made sure they were all level. There was four of those brackets there, Keezy. And in each of the brackets there was three holes for drilling, so she marked each of the three holes with a pencil and then she used a drill bit to make pilot holes in each of them.

17:20Jase:Nice. She knows, man. And then she put the brackets up and went to screw them in. Well, she couldn't do it, could she, because she wasn't tall enough. So who did she call on? Old Mogey. So she was looking a bit silly there, wasn't she? So I grabbed the drill there, and it's posi drive. You know about posi drives, Keezy? Yeah. So I grabbed the screw and the old drill there, it's got a posi drive screw bit in it there, Keezy. Oh, what's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you put it into the screw, and I had to put a bit of pressure on it because she wasn't strong enough, you see, so I thought I'd put a bit of pressure there on it.

17:55Jase:Leant into a bit there, pulled the trigger, and there's something wrong with the drill. Anyway, it slipped, slipped. Oh, no. And I've put the drill bit straight through the wall. And what do you know, the old missus there, she's effing and jeffing down. And you're like, see? It's like I told you, man, you can't do it without effing and jeffing. Oh, wow. So did you manage to finish the job off? Yeah, finish the job off, man. Easy as on the bright side. That's why my missus doesn't want to buy a house because she says I'll ruin it. Yeah. And she's not, you know. It's our mess, you know. It's our shithole.

18:33Jase:Exactly. Totally. Here's Pearl Jam. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

18:42Keyzie:The Rolling Stones there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time is 4.51. Let's talk TV. What's on the telly with Mike Minogue.

18:57Keyzie:Yeah! Yes!

19:03Jase:TV! Man! Well, that's the thing, I guess, is when you've got time off like I did last week on my holiday, you get a bit more time to watch things. Yes. And I watched something that was all Keezy there, Keezy's recommendation. It's called Tyres, and it's on Netflix. Yeah, comedy. Just 20 minutes or so. I just like having something just to watch when I'm having my lunch or something. Just something easy. Hey, me too. Just something easy sort of comedy or whatever.

19:33Keyzie:Like a little Weetie Bix of viewing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just silly.

19:37Jase:And it's about tyres, and this guy's got a tyre shop, all right? And he sells tyres there. It's just him and his sort of dysfunctional bunch of loser deadbeat mates. Would that be right, Keasy? Is that what you... Well, I wouldn't call them loser deadbeats. But they work at a tyre shop, and they're kind of losers, and they're all deadbeats. And one of them's got a gun. But one of the reasons I like it is because it reminds me a lot of the people that I grew up around. Yeah. And you were saying that they are losers of debits. Yeah, yeah. Far, I don't remember saying that.

20:05Keyzie:You were saying you're the only one that's ever kind of succeeded in your life. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Pretty arrogant of me to say that.

20:12Jase:Shocking, I thought. And so, but he's got a dad, and what I can tell, his father has let him have the shop. Because it's one of about five or six franchises. That's right. But it's really just to get him out of the father. The father's just over him because his son is a bit of a deer beat and a bit of a loser as well. But he's trying hard. He's trying, yeah. And then there's some other sort of guys in there, and they're all sort of cracking jokes and stuff. It didn't really connect with me. You're joking. Are you telling me that a show that I have recommended didn't connect with you? No, look, to be fair, Casey, I only watched half of one episode.

20:49Jase:So I haven't given it a full attempt, to be fair. Andrew Schultz is in it. He's a comedian. Slicked back hair and a little moustache. Very good. His latest stand-up on Netflix is very, very good. Highly recommend that for anyone out there. I saw it. I didn't like it. Shane McGilligutty Serious, he's in it. Yeah, he's a very funny dude. He's a pretty funny dude as well. So I think, yeah, Keezy, I'd agree it would be an easy watch. If it wasn't so terrible. If it wasn't so tediously unfunny. Sweet, man. Siri, play me. I reckon it's probably a three buzies. In all seriousness, it's probably a three buzies.

21:27Jase:Yeah. Yeah.

21:28Keyzie:Siri. Jase. Can you cancel that recommendation I had about Keezy's show the other day? Thanks, mate. So that's Tyres on Netflix. Yeah. I started watching a show called The House of Guinness. It was one of those scenarios where it just kept popping up on my screen and I was like, fine, I'll look at it. And it's very much of a time. There seems to be this thing that is immensely popular, which is kind of period dramas that are a bit rock and roll. You know what I mean? And everyone's, you know, it's sort of dirty street, very Peaky Blinders kind of vibe about it.

22:07Jase:Can I ask you if there was a lot of slow motion shots with rock and roll music, or is that more of a Peaky Blinders thing?

22:14Keyzie:No, there wasn't a lot of slow motion shots, but there was a lot of rock and roll music. Yeah, man. And it's basically the story of Guinness. The father who created Guinness, the patriarch dies. He's got three sons. One's an alcoholic. One's a homosexual. Whereas in those days was not good. And the other one's kind of onto it. These days it's awesome. And they've got a daughter, but she's a daughter. and in those days the daughter was like, but she's quite conniving.

22:46Jase:Persona non grata, aren't they?

22:48Keyzie:But she's quite conniving. And it's very much in that kind of genre. I found it pretentious. I found it annoying because I don't mind that kind of show, but I saw through it and, you know, all the costumes are great. But, you know, one of them is dressed up. He looks like a bloody leprechaun. And that was just. That's racist. That was it for me. That was it. Racist. Racism alert. Racism alert. But a classic example, in my opinion, of style over substance. Yes. It's trying to be very cool and happen great, but it's just not working.

23:23Jase:Now, I think I'm right in saying that it's the return to acting of your young mate off Game of Thrones there. Joffrey. Joffrey. He's back, baby. Oh, right. He's got a little mo on him there, a little mo to disguise himself. But, yeah, he's been away from the acting since Game of Thrones because he was worried about getting sort of typecast and beaten up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23:42Keyzie:I haven't seen him yet, so maybe he's in a later episode. So that's on Netflix. How many buzzies? Look, I've got to be honest, two. That's a good amount of buzzies, traditionally. No, three is a recommendation. Oh, right. Yeah, okay. Yeah, good stuff. After five, if you have entered our draw to join us in Fiji to play golf, make sure you've got your phone on. We will be calling the winners.

24:06The Hauraki Beat Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

24:12Keyzie:You're welcome back, you massive backbones. Hope you're surviving your Monday afternoon. You're listening to The Big Show brought to you by Reburger. Handcrafted burgers, loaded fries and gourmet eats. That'll change the game. Yum. Yeah, man. That is yum. Hey, now listen, just a reminder, by the way. Sorry, fired that off by accident. Just a reminder. Sorry. Bit premature there. Sorry, man. Jase, by the way, just for those listening, it was Jase's birthday yesterday. It was the birthday boy. Yeah, it's done and dusted now. Fellas, move on. Yeah, and Pugs has organised a present for you, man. Oh, how good.

24:54Keyzie:Oh, wow. Unfortunately, I can't eat chips. So it's a box of chips. You fellas can hoe into those. Thanks, man. It's a giant box of chips. But no, no, just leave them there, Pugs.

25:05Jase:It's a huge box of salted chips. Yeah. Is that from the ACC or is that from us? What's the deal there? It's from Pugs. Oh, Pugs are bored.

25:14Keyzie:Thanks, Pugs are bored.

25:14Jase:Good on you, Pugs.

25:15Keyzie:I'll tell you what, though. My family loves chips, so I'll take them home for now. No, no, no.

25:18Jase:It seems like they'd be better off just left here.

25:20Keyzie:No, I just, you know, I think my family, and I'll give it to my mates and stuff like that.

25:25Jase:We are your mates. The idea that you've got a whole bunch of mates that you eat chips with sounds like bullshit. Yeah, fair enough. So you're going to call your mates and be like, hey, man, do you want to come around to my house? I've got all these chips. I'll tell you what you're going to do. you're going to put them in your cupboard, you think to yourself, you know what, I'm just going to have a couple of chips. You'll open up your packet of chips, you'll have a couple of chips, and you'll put one of those famous pegs on top of the bag. You'll put it back in the cupboard, and three minutes later that whole bag will be gone.

25:52Keyzie:Absolutely. One thing I will say about our kitchen at the moment, we're running some very elaborate pegs. We've got great peg action going on in my house at the moment. You guys love pegging, eh? And all sorts of different varieties. Wow. I love a good peg, genuinely. There's nothing worse than wrapping up it like a packet of crackers or something. Crackers? And you've got nothing to sort of fasten it down with. Yes, I agree. And you find a really good tight peg. Yeah. So, you know, you put it in a little airtight container to keep them fresh.

26:26Jase:Nah. You don't wrap it up and then put a peg on it. It's too much work. Yeah. Put it in a container. Yeah, 100%. That would be like having friends over and putting chips in a bowl instead of just throwing them in the bag. Well, that's exactly what we do. Yeah, no. No, that's not it. 3483. Chips and all. Actually, we should save this.

26:45Keyzie:Actually, I'll open the packet for you now, fellas, all right? And then I'll take the rest of the box. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. In excess there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday afternoon. The time, 12 minutes past five o 'clock. Fellas, you know that I love my wife, right? Yeah. Yep. Yeah. Yep. That's probably enough there, Mike. Thank you. I love my wife dearly, and we have a very, I would say it's a very sort of. Dearly? Is that her name? Her name's not dearly. I'm not saying her.

27:20Jase:You just said I love my wife dearly. Yes, because I love her dearly. But her name's not dearly. It's Lucy. Is that short for Delia? Yeah. Because that's an old-timey sort of a name. I don't know, man. It sounds pretty cool. Oh, look, there's Tony and Delia. Which are definitely our names. Anyway, this is besides the point. We have a very, we've got a great relationship, you know. It's a very healthy, happy relationship. And I've found recently that the addition of a few rules have really, like it's really improved our, I don't know. Sex life? Well, no, we don't have rules in the sack. Oh. What are the rules?

28:02Anything goes at old Tony and Delia's house. Yeah, yeah, anything goes in the sack, man. But just like rules for, you know, like when I get home from work and, you know, when we're having our personal time together, couples time, that's what we call it. And that couples time is usually from about 7.30 odd because that's when we're both home from work. Yeah. Till about 9.30, which is her bedtime.

28:30But some of the rules that we've put in, they've been great. Like, for example, no caffeine after dinner.

28:35Jase:That's smart. Yeah. Really? That late? Yeah. To be honest, I'll text her every day at about three and just be like, hey, you probably shouldn't have any caffeine from this point on. Yeah, that's good.

28:45Keyzie:So have you been punching caffeine when you get home at night? That seems very... Not even I do that.

28:50Jase:Where did the rule come from? Well, what used to happen is we used to love getting home and I'd put a pot of tea on. Yeah, sure. You know, we'd have a little chit-chat over the pot of tea there. But then we realised, oh, tea's got a lot of caffeine in it. Not all of it. But the English breakfasty stuff that we like, your gumboot tea, that sort of stuff. So now we only buy decaf tea and it's only for after dinner. Oh, yes. I guess another rule is don't drink the decaf unless it's after dinner. Yeah.

29:14Keyzie:Oh, my God. You love her dearly and when you get home, you put on a pot of tea. That's right.

29:21Jase:He's a Jeremy Wells in a young man's body, I've got to say.

29:23Keyzie:Very much so. Yeah. Another rule that we've instigated, which has been working great, is always use a plate for treats. because we're not...

29:33Jase:Is this in the same area as your bowls? Like if you're having chips, you've got to put them in a bowl? See, I just think that's creating another dish. Yeah, no, this is more like to stop crumbs getting on the couch and like going on the floor and stuff. So we'll be eating a bicky with our cup of tea or a piece of choccy. And you might not think that you're like dropping crumbs, but you are, you can't see them. I just use my T-shirt because I'm normally lying down on the couch just feasting. and my white t-shirt works as a saucer. You can see all the chocolate on it because it normally melts in.

30:04Well, look, whatever shambles you're running at your house, Moogie, that's fine. But that's one of the rules is always use a plate for treats. The other one. What if it's chips? Well, we don't eat chips and cups of tea, Jase. That doesn't go together. Chips are for before dinner. Actually, that's another rule we've got is chips only before dinner. Tasty chips, you mean? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No devices at the dinner table. Yeah, that's good. That's a good one. I like that one. We always chit-chat at the dinner table.

30:31Keyzie:Do you sit at the dinner table to have dinner, do you? Yeah, what do you do at the dinner table? We don't sit at the dinner table. We just sit on the couch and chill and chat like normal human beings.

30:41Jase:The dinner table there, Keezy, that table there is just for you to chuck your everyday shit on it. Yeah, your bills, your rubber bands. Yeah, exactly. Washing that doesn't get folded for weeks. Rubber bands. Your dillies. Well, see, my wife, she's a big fan of the whole family sitting around the dinner table. The whole family. That's something we're going to do with our kids as well. And I used to do it growing up, so we always have dinner at the dinner table. Yeah. No matter how much I'm like, oh, there's NRL on. Like, no, dinner at the dinner table. Yep. And so that devices thing is the new rule we've implemented now where - Well, you don't need to look at your device, do you?

31:13Jase:Because you can see it right in front of you. You don't need to track her. You know where she is. You've got the tracking device. For those that don't know, Kesey runs a tracking device on his wife. It's not a trust issue. It's just he likes to know where she is at all times. It's find my iPhone, yeah. And I can say, like, for example, I just saw that she was at the supermarket, so I said, hey, can you pick up some cassava crisps?

31:34Keyzie:I'm amazed that you've got any spare hands for your tea pouring and your treats and your dinner. What do you mean? Well, I'm not doing it all at once. That's one of the other rules, is you're not allowed to do all those things at once. I'd never get to the new rule. Oh, well, we'll get to that. Because I think that's important. Okay, I'll get to that later. But coming up next, the winner of our Fiji competition, if you've got it a draw, get those bloody phones on. Here's Faith No More. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki. The Big Show Swingers Club is back.

32:12And this time, it's going global.

32:16Keyzie:Well, here we are, fellas. It was about three weeks away, isn't it? About three weeks. Yeah. It's been an epic competition. You and a mate to join the fellas over in Fiji. Yeah. Play a bit of golf, eat a bit of food, have a few cold beverages, a bit of massage, a bit of swimming, a bit of snorkelling. Why not? That's right. We're staying at the Intercontinental Fiji Golf Resort and Spa, flying over with Fiji Airways. It's all thanks to our mates at Tourism Fiji as well. I'm bloody fizzed up for this. The golf course in particular is, if you're into golf, apparently it's just immaculate, amazing.

32:54It's championship level, designed by Vijay Singh. We're going to absolutely butcher it because we're hopeless.

32:59Jase:For sure we will. Apparently the holes are out the gate. The actual hole? The actual holes with the flags in them. Amazing.

33:06Keyzie:Apparently they've got diamonds in the cup. Yes. Really? That's how flash it is, Keezy. Now, there has been thousands and thousands and thousands of phone calls. Thousands of people were put into the drawer. So hopefully you've got your phone on. Shall we make the call, fellas? All right, fellas. I'm just typing it in here. Beep, boop, boop. All right, here we go. Hope they answer. Whoever this person is. Yeah, man. Hello, Richard speaking. Oh, g'day, Richard. It's old hoity Jay, Moogie and Keezy here from the Big Show. How are you going, you mad bastard? Yeah, Buller lads, how are we? Yeah, really good, Richard.

33:53How are you, man? I've had a tough week, but this is going to make my day better.

33:59Jase:I've got a question for you, man. Do your mates call you Nolesy? They do. Where'd you grow up, brother? Well, I'm currently standing in the middle of 16th Steadman Street Levin. Oh, my God. If you had a beer in your hand and I asked you where you're from, what would you do with it, man? I'd get rid of it at pace. And what would you say after you finished it? Nua. Yeah. This is going to be a hell of a trip, fellas. Why? Do you know this guy? I went to school with this guy. Are you kidding me? Without a word of a lie. Wow. Without a word of a lie, I went to school with Nosey, and he was a year behind me at Hora Whenua College.

34:38Jase:He's recently been in touch with me, trying to get me involved in an old boys game of rugby that's happening, which I've got zero interest in. So we've stayed in touch over the years and incredibly. Can we just confirm that you didn't tee this up or anything? Absolutely not. I like to turn a phrase to you, Keezy. But we've had this. This is the third time this has happened where I've known the person on the other end of the line, right? A couple of weeks ago. But unbelievable.

35:04Keyzie:Unbelievable. Well, regardless, rich mate, you're off to Fiji with a mate. Yahoo! How good! Oh, so good, boys. After the week I've had, man, this is awesome. And who are you going to take with you, you backbone? Another one of Mogey's mates? I made a call during the dial-in and I'll take my brother-in-law, so it looks like he's coming along for some shotguns and some cocktails. Oh, how good, how good, mate.

35:31Jase:Can I just say, he's a huge addition. Nolsey is an absolute backbone of the finest tradition. This is going to be a hell of a trip. We're all going to have a wonderful time. There's always a concern that you're going to get some kind of a punisher, but, Nolsey, we are going to have a blinder. Oh, are we what? Are we what? Oh, my God. This is the most bizarre situation. Nolsey, congratulations, mate. You're coming to Fiji with us. You're playing golf. We're going to be going snorkeling, and you and Mogi will be able to catch up.

35:59Keyzie:Yeah, we're going to have a blast. Can't wait, Mogi. Good to see you, fella. Can't wait. Incidentally, Richard, how good are you at golf? Yeah, reasonably okay. Brother Lord's a bit of a shark, so he'll take us apart. Okay. Well, good on you, Backbone. Stay on the line, and old Pugson will sort out all your details. Well done. Cheers, boys. Good on you, fella.

36:19Jase:How good. Okay, let's just... We need to reiterate again that that is a complete coincidence. A complete coincidence. We had a couple... We were on one call the other day. We were putting entries in. There was a guy that worked in film who I knew. Yeah. And then there was another guy that rang up on the same three people that we called in, and I also knew him. It was really, really weird. The guy from the bottle store. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Hukafidu, yeah. Who was also, who was at school with Nolsey. So, yeah. Oh, my goodness. Very, very weird. I think the only people that listen to the show are people that I used to go to college with.

36:46Jase:Fuck out. That'll explain the ratings then. Big shout out once again to the Intercontinental Fiji Golf Resort and Spa, Fiji Airways, and also Tourism Fiji for making this whole thing possible. And a big shout out to old Nolsey, who's joining the big show over in Fiji. How good. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike, and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at 4 on Radio Hauraki.

37:08Keyzie:Def Leppard there on the Radio Hauraki. Big show this Monday afternoon, the time 5.53. Hey, Mogey, you weren't here for this because you were on your massive Auckland vacation. Yeah. But last week we had Ryan Fox in, man.

37:20Jase:Foxy. Oh, Foxy. Yeah. Foxy. Oh, Foxy there. Foxy. Oh, Ryan. Fox. Yeah, so he came in because obviously Manuka Field chasing the fox is coming back this year. You guys didn't go along last year, did you? No. Well, I would have loved to have gone, but the problem was it was also our Christmas do, and I've got a rule that I don't go to our Christmas do. Same. You guys and your rules, man. I went to the Christmas do, and then I hopped in an Uber, a very expensive work Uber, and then went all the way to Chasing the Fox, which I believe is down in South Auckland at a golf course down there. And it exceeded my expectations about tenfold.

37:59Right. I went there expecting a kind of dry balls golf thing, you know, exhibition, whatever. Got there and it was one of the best parties. It was like the first time I went to the Black Clash. It was just epic, right? Yes. So it's back. Foxy's going along. We had him come in last week. Hodaki's going to be a part of it as well. I believe we might even be broadcasting from the event. We might even get to play the course before the tournament. Yeah, I'd like to play. Yeah, same. So we'll, really?

38:23Jase:Oh, yeah. Foxy going to be there? Yeah. Yeah, Foxy will be there. Foxy. It's going to be happening Friday the 12th of December at Royal Auckland and Grange Golf Club. It's going to be live and free to air on TVNZ1 and TVNZ+. And tickets are available from Wednesday the 29th of October. It's a month's time. I highly recommend if you're into golf, you're in the area and you're keen to come and watch some sport with some celebs. I think Jeremy Wells is playing again. Even if you're into good times. Just good times, Moggy. That's 100 % true. Yeah. Absolutely. If you want to see Ryan Fox, Foxy. Foxy boy.

38:58Foxy. then make sure you keep an eye out. Either watch it on TV, get some tickets. We'll be down there as well. Or you can keep listening to Hodaki for your chance to win your way there. Wowzers. We're going to have some freebies to give away soon.

39:09Keyzie:Sounds good, Keezy. Now listen, plenty coming up after 6 o 'clock. Bit of sports chat. Oh, A-B's. Bit of mukba over the weekend. I really want to get stuck into that. Also, we'll be giving out a bit of advice on MeetPattyNips69. That's right. That's a real email address. MeetPattyNips69 at gmail.com. Get in touch if you need advice and please stop signing us up to stuff. using that email address. We've been signed up to Newstalk ZB's daily letter, Flavor Radio Station's daily letter, Sanctuary First, which I believe is some sort of online church. And we just received a welcome email from the Church of Scientology as well.

39:46So if people could stop signing that email up to staff, that'd be great. Good stuff. The Hauraki Big Show with Jace, Mike and Keezy. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

39:59Keyzie:Welcome back, you massive backbones. Jeez, I hope you're enjoying your Monday. You're listening to the big show brought to you by Reburger. Serving good times and good food, you can dine in or take away Reburger today. Scrum-diddly-umptious. I tell you what, fellas, I'm just fondling Keezy's avocados at the moment, and I am genuinely, because he bought it in a big box, didn't he, Keezy? He did, didn't he? Yeah. And I have to say, and it's been said by not just me, but by many people that Keezy's parents' orchard and their avocados are the best in the country. That's been said. They're creamy, they're big, they're perfectly ripe as well.

40:39Keyzie:That is good eating right there, Mogi. How many did you steal? I've got a couple there. I find them a bit dry. Mogi, look, there's one thing to say my wife makes dry cake, all right? But saying my Mon and Don's avos are dry, first of all, it doesn't even make sense. How can an avocado be dry?

40:56Jase:I don't know how they do it. I don't know how they do it. It's quite a gift. But every single year, dry. What are you going to do? Well, no, no, no. No, this is, you know, it's not. Have you not noticed that, Jase?

41:08Keyzie:I actually, they're big, beautiful, and creamy, Mogey. Thanks, Jase. Yeah. Come on, Mogeyman. Just admit, Mogeyman. Oh, they are. They're great. Say they're creamy. Come on, Mogeyman.

41:19Jase:Well, I mean, why have you got four of them if you find them dry? Oh, because I just feed them to my kid. It just helps her saying in her lunchbox, you know, that she can chuck out and I don't feel guilty about. In avocado. But the thing about it, Keezy, is it's not like we're trying to sell them. If we're selling them on your behalf, then I'd lie about it. No, but like, it's even more important than that because I know Mon and Don are big fans of the show. Oh! And they'll be absolutely gutted to hear you dissing their avos. I'm not dissing them, Keezy. You said they were dry. Some people love dry avocados.

41:50Jase:I'm just not one of those people.

41:52Keyzie:Look, I'm, I'm with Mogey. on the dry cake. Oh, no, this is not what this is about. But I am not. My wife's cake is not. And I will not. Right. I will not follow you on dry avocados.

42:06Jase:I'll try them out tonight against every instinct I have. Right. Yes. And we'll report back tomorrow. Okay, cool. And Jase, my wife's cake is creamy, all right? Sure, man. It is. It's delicious and moist. Yum. The Hauraki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hauraki.

42:34Keyzie:Super groove there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. Let's have some rugby union chat. Crouch, touch, pause, engage. Rugby union chat with Hoity J. Of course, the big Bledisloe match on the Sakti there, I actually had to watch it late because I was up north and the person that I was staying with up north didn't have Sky Sport, which I didn't realise when we went up there. Right. But then, of course, they had it on Sky Open two hours later and because it was like a five o 'clock match, it was kind of perfect timing. Right. Because it was at 7 o 'clock that I could watch it. I'm still yet to be convinced by this all-black side.

43:24Keyzie:I thought these fellas were going to come out kissing and absolutely steaming, which they did for about the first 20 minutes, but then once again kind of lost their way. And I feel like they're changing tactics too rapidly. And if things aren't going right, they try and switch to something else instead of persisting with a style of play. I'm still not sure what kind of style they're looking to achieve. Now, you'll recall that last Test match against Springboks where we got a pantsing. That first half was actually really close. I think we were ahead at halftime. And we played some brilliant rugby, getting the ball out wide.

44:04Keyzie:I'm loving this new winger, by the way, Carter. Leroy Carter from the Bay. He is so good. He's the man. He's busy. He's a real energiser bunny. He goes looking for work, Jase.

44:12Jase:Errone Clark was good as well. Errone was good.

44:15Keyzie:His son anyway. Yes. Caleb was good. But it was also his national anthem. That was amazing. I loved it. It's like as soon as we get put under pressure, our game plan kind of disintegrates a little bit. Now, there were three very clear situations in that test match where all we needed was to get it out wide because we had massive overlaps and men would cut back inside. We threw away three tries. But then I actually felt afterwards the Australians looked better coached than us.

44:44Jase:Right.

44:44Keyzie:I thought they were more direct. Their game plan looked clearer. And I felt that apart from that first 20 minutes where they really hung off, which I've been doing all season, giving teams massive starts, and then they come steaming back. But I thought the Australians, I wouldn't be surprised at all if they gave us a bit of a toweling in Australia.

45:03Jase:In Perth there. Do you want us to comment on the game? Go for it. Yeah, that's a good solid three minutes from you there, Woody J. Thanks, mate. You love it. You love your footy. Well, that's what the title says. Yeah, that's exactly right. I'll be honest with you, I'm finding All Blacks Rugby a very difficult watch. And I thought that that game had the absolute whistle, just the arse blown out of it by the ref. Oh, at the breakdown, it was ridiculous. It's just like, what are we doing here? Do you want people to watch this shit? Yes. It's absolute garbage. That is not a product that anybody should be paying for.

45:40Jase:I don't know what to say about it. It's just crap. And sitting down and watching that for 80 minutes, I love the All Blacks, but if that's how that's going to be reffed, I've got no interest in watching it. It is rubbish.

45:50Keyzie:I think that ref actually was a little bit out of his depth, and he was getting a lot of chatter in his ear from the sidelines as well, so I totally take your point.

45:59Jase:He was blowing up every single breakdown, and they had the NRL over the weekend. There was a fight that happened, and two guys, any other game during the year, you would have had two or three guys put in the bin for 10 minutes. They knew it was too important, so they just said, play on, don't worry about it. Just let them play, for God's sake. We're not here to watch you blow your whistle. It's a real problem for rugby because there's so much other stuff that people can be watching. Mate, I've only got time in my life to watch a couple of things a week, and if it keeps going like that, it's not going to be the All Blacks.

46:29Keyzie:I'll tell you what, on that front, actually, in the second half there, there were four penalties in a row against Australia, and all of them were dubious. The All Blacks were actually very lucky to get the penalties. So that's another factor in there. But I take your point. I love it, though.

46:44Jase:Well, yeah, I mean, that's the problem with it, is it's so good. It's so good when it is good. And what annoys me is how badly it fluctuates. Sorry, Keezy. No, you're right, man. I just started arguing. No, it's all good. I just wanted to give a big shout-out to the same person as you, Leroy Carter. He's great. Who plays for the Steamers and is only in there out of injuries, right? Like, he's very much a backup. But I'd say he's got to hold on to that spot now. Yeah, absolutely. No, he got brought in to replace Rico. Rico, you aren't here. That's right.

47:10Keyzie:And he's just been brilliant, man.

47:12Jase:I love him. He popped up on the wrong side of the field looking for work, doing all that sort of stuff. But also the halfback, the starting halfback. Yeah, he's great. Roygaard. Cam Roygaard.

47:20Keyzie:World class. He was a huge difference. He reminds me of Harry Grant at the Melbourne Storm. He plays hooker where, yes, he can distribute really well, but also you have to keep an eye on him because he will attack. Man, this is awesome.

47:30Jase:This is a good, serious rugby show. Oh, shit.

47:32Keyzie:Great stuff. That's good stuff from you guys. What are we doing? The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The raconteurs there on the Radio Hauraki Big Show this Monday evening. Now listen, the Dunedin Beer Festival's coming up quick, smart, fellas. And the Big Show's going to be down there doing a live show, which is going to be massively exciting. Also, we're going to release our own beer, and we want you to be a part of it, New Zealand, don't we, fellas?

48:00Jase:We really do. I don't know how far along we're, I don't know if you guys know this, but I've been on holiday vacationing in Auckland.

48:06Keyzie:Wow. I really must do that. You simply must go. I simply must, yes.

48:11Jase:There's nothing like a staycation, Jase. Yes. It's when you have a holiday but you stay at your other work and also in your house. Yes. That sounds so fun, Moggy. It's the best. But, yeah, I don't know. How far do we get with the name ends? Have there been any fantastic new names come through? There's been a few goodies.

48:29Keyzie:I'm still very fond of Midnight Steamer. I think Midnight Steamer is still the front runner at this point. A lot of suggestions coming through. I've just checked an email as to how far along they are in the process. They haven't even started brewing it yet. Oh, yeah, good. They're just going to do it the night before. Yeah, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently it's pretty easy to smash out a beer real easy these days. Just whack it together. Yeah, Emerson's, they said they're just going to whack it together. Just shove a bit of sugar in there, let it fizz up. Did you get the same email? Yeah, yeah.

48:56That's literally how Emerson's described what they were going to do. Stick it in a bottle or something or a keg or whatever. Yeah, that's what they said.

49:01Keyzie:Squirt a bit of brown dye in there. That's what they were saying. Yeah. And I think they're going for keg, though. We landed on keg because we'll be pouring pints of it at the old beer festival there.

49:10Jase:I've got it. I've got the name. Yes. Give me head. Give me head. Is that the name? That's the name. Oh, just because you say that all the time off air.

49:21Keyzie:Oh, right. Yeah, sorry. I was getting confused there.

49:25Jase:It's kind of my catchphrase. It feels like it should be the name of the beer.

49:28Keyzie:Yeah, well, it could work. It's great Give me head See it's catchy Yeah Well people will come up to the store there and go Give me head Give me head I think I'm going to go for Midnight Steamer if I had to vote at the moment But if you want to come along 7th and 8th of November Forsyth Bar Stadium Dunedin It's the Craft Beer and Food Festival You can get tickets from dunedinbeerfest.co.nz And on the Friday we will be doing a live show from the Beer Festival And we'll also be pulling pints the entire weekend. The Big Show live at Dunedin Craft Beer Festival broadcasting Friday, 4pm. Wow. It's a little tagline they've written here.

50:07How about that? That's good.

50:08Keyzie:That's really good. But if you do want free flights, accommodation, tickets, etc. for you and a mate, head to hodaki.co.nz, name our beer, and get yourself in the drawer. Beautiful, man.

50:19Jase:I'm absolutely frothing. Oh! What about that? What? Absolutely frothing. Give me head. The Hodaki Big Show with Jase, Mike and Kesey. Tune in weekdays at four on Radio Hodaki.

50:32Keyzie:The exponents there on the Radio Hodaki big show this Monday afternoon. Now you've got three wise men in the studio, so let's give out some advice, fellas.

50:45Keyzie:MeetPattyNips69 at gmail.com. Get in touch with the fellas.

50:52Jase:So true. It's a real email address. MeetPattyNips69 at gmail.com. Get in touch if you need advice. 100 % anonymous. And if we read it out, you get a$50 Reburger voucher. This one comes in from anonymous. G'day, fellas. Just emailing you back moments to get your perspective. Oh, God.

51:09Keyzie:It's happening again. Oh, no. The world is a capital. Fellas, come on, man. He was thinking about breakfast radio again. Oh, God. Just emailing you back moments to get your perspective on a situation that has recently come to light in raising my young boy who we'll call Bob for the sake of listeners.

51:23Jase:That's a terrible name for a kid. That's a fake name. That's a shocker.

51:26Keyzie:Bob. I actually quite like it. Quite like the name Bob. Neil and Bob? Yeah. I'm 35 and Bob is 14. I've always seen myself as an older brother to Bob rather than a dad given the relatively small age gap.

51:40Jase:That's weird. Bob and I have always had an extremely open relationship and I've always made an effort to pass no judgement. However, my wife, in brackets Bob's mum, made the mistake of snooping through the young feeler's phone and has discovered what she described as a perverted search history. Filth. Filth. The search history consisted of a whole lot of MILF-focused videos. Bob's mum is now concerned about his interest in older women, in particular those of the motherly variety, and I can't really blame her. However, having been a young fella myself, I totally understand the attraction, having felt similar feelings myself at that age.

52:12So now Bob's mum wants me to have a father-to-son chat with him, but I don't know whether I tackle it from a constructive parenting angle or do I just teach him how to clear his search history?

52:22Jase:Probably the latter. Yeah, staring at my eye, bam. Honestly, it's none of your business. Yeah? Mind your business. Whoa. Especially if he's your brother. You keep your nose out of your brother's filth. It's his son. Well, that's what he says, but he says he feels more like a brother. So would you go to your brother and tell him to have a man-to-man chat with him and tell him to stop picking certain types of filth? It's none of your business. It would be pretty funny, though, like, Mogi, brother-to-brother, man, I need you to lay off the milfs. Yeah, look, I think, in all honesty, the greater concern is that he's searching anything at all at that age.

52:56Jase:Although I know you were, Jase. They didn't even have phones when I was that age, Maggie. Well, that's right. The thing about it was to try and get access to the filth, it was a lot trickier because you had to go to a video store. So you had to go down there. There was an age restriction on it. If you were lucky, curtain, beaded curtain. Beaded curtain, generally. So people knew when you were walking through. It wasn't by accident, Casey. It would clatter. Oh, my God. So the whole point was it would make a noise so that everybody in the video store would turn around and see who the dirtiest bastard in town was.

53:29Jase:Yeah, nice. So you had to be quick. You had to get through there real quick. Yeah. I only went there once. Once. Scarred you for life? Oh, I just made some bad selections.

53:40Keyzie:Yeah, well, I was going to say, he only went there once, Kesey, but he got 50 films out. Yeah, right. Under a fake name. And it's such a tumultuous time, though, isn't it? I mean, you remember, fellas, what it was like being a 14-year-old fella. I mean, there was hormones pouring out all over the place.

53:58Jase:It's not the only thing pouring out. Kesey, am I right?

54:02Keyzie:What? And, yeah, I mean, it's very, very difficult keeping your kids off that stuff. Yeah. Really hard. Oh, it's hard, all right. Rock hard. They'll find a way. Yeah.

54:16Jase:They'll find a way. They will. Well, you need to get them off the porn, though. It's no good for a young man to be riding that filth. You and I, Jase, well, you're an old Ramcast. You're in the back paddock. You're no use to any bastard. But I've been off the pornography for 10 years plus. Right. But are you, though? 100%. Or is it like Jase off the chippies? Oh, yeah, no, no. I'm actually off it because I found it was, it's not good. It's not good stuff. And so especially if you're a young fella and you've got all that filth at your fingertips, I think it gives you some pretty weird expectations once you've finally managed to get your hat, I mean, you know, into a nice relationship.

54:50Were you going to say get your hands on a milf?

54:55Jase:A little bit of teacher filth. Look, the idea of the fantasising, Jase, as you know, fantasising, what a great time in a young man's life. But there's no fantasy involved when it's explicitly played in HD on your phone. Yeah, yeah. No fantasy there. Lay off it. Wait, so have the yarn with them? No, I think... Just cut off the internet of your house. Cut off the internet, yeah. You've got to get them away from watching it. But I don't think you can have a conversation with your kids about that. Nah. Not about that. I think he'll find a way, though, regardless. Oh, 100 % he will, but it's up to you as a parent to do your best.

55:29Jase:Yes.

55:29Keyzie:What did Don say to you, Keezy, when he found all your penthouses? He gave me a thrashing. He said, you know that we're a Playboy family? He wasn't a family. Oh, was that? Yeah. He was a bit late, wasn't he? Yeah. The Hauraki Big Show. Weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki.

55:53Keyzie:Well, there you go, you mad bastards. That's the big show done and dusted for this Monday afternoon slash evening. Man! In the podcast outro today, we were just reacquainting ourselves, really, weren't we, fellas?

56:04Jase:Yeah, we were. You know, it's been a while, fellas. Haven't seen you for a whole week. Exactly. What's the clip today, Keezy?

56:11Keyzie:Keezy? Well, that was mostly about us catching up. I believe that particular outro will be on YouTube one of these days soon. Soon Pugs will edit it up and chuck it up there. I hope not for your sake because you had a massive perv at one point. Yeah, I did, Jase. Yeah, yeah. We also discussed the new breakfast show. Oh, yes. Here's a clip of that. Don't tell him that we're dropping him off breakfast and I'm coming in. I already told him. It feels like it should come from the top. Did you tell him? Yeah, I just went straight to the source. What did you say? I said, mate, you've had a good run.

56:44Jase:You actually said to him, hey, jeez, you'd be good on drive.

56:47Keyzie:Yeah, and he's banged on about how easy drive is.

56:51Jase:I love if he's ready for drive.

56:52Keyzie:And I said to him, man, look, you're ready, Minaya. You've done your little sort of stint on breakfast. Did you say little stint? That's good. Yeah, you've done your little stint.

57:00Jase:You've had your little go. Yes, I'm really looking forward to starting a brand new breakfast show and turfing Minaya off there, actually. Yeah. Pretty unconventional of us to sort of break that news on a podcast. Be upfront about it. Yeah. Yeah, normally you sort of work behind the scenes and chip away. Yeah, yeah.

57:17Keyzie:No, I like it. I think it's good. I think you just got to put it out there. You know what I mean? What are you guys going to do when I go to Ricky? Well, I'm going to be up the back paddock.

57:26Jase:Right. Chewing my card. And that'll free up a bit more cash for old Mogey.

57:30Keyzie:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, true. So you'll stay on?

57:32Jase:Yeah, I'll be here.

57:33Keyzie:Yeah, he'll do... Well, you were talking about the hour before breakfast.

57:37Jase:Yeah, I was going to do five till six. Yes. Five till six and you want more money? Yes. I reckon that's a good idea. Because I've got to get up early. Yeah, true. Yeah, but I'll pre-rec it. Oh, yeah. Can you do that? Yeah, the whole week in one hour.

57:51Keyzie:Hey, Nowlis in New Zealand, thanks for taking the time to listen to the show. Check out the podcast. Check out the Instagram account. And until tomorrow, goodbye. See ya.

58:04See ya.