OUTRO: A Dog With A Vape

0:00Keyzie:For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggett. 4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke.

0:15Mike Minogue:Oh, g'day fellas. Hello. How do you always get phlegm in your throat whenever you say fellas now? No, I don't. Yeah, you do. You go fellas. Eyes to the front, Keezy. You know I was looking at you that whole time and don't even know who you were talking about.

0:28Keyzie:Come on, man. You're a shocking bastard. It's because I don't smoke cigarettes anymore that I get the phlegm. It's loosened up all the phlegm in my lungs.

0:41Mike Minogue:See, what you've done there is you've found a negative from giving up the darts. It's like you're prepping yourself to get back on the darts so that you don't have that phlegm in your throat. I was tempted the other day, actually, because I walked past.

0:51Keyzie:Yeah, for the darts, because I walked past a dude, and I just got a waft and went, oh, yeah, that's right. I can't be fucked with this man Yeah they're good man But nah Not gonna happen man Not gonna happen Nah And can I just say That the vape Cause you buy this Like two pack of vape You sure do man And it's 20 bucks It's bargain And usually that's How long does one of those last year Cause when I was on them It would last me two and a half Three days Yeah about two or three days Yeah Is about my average The one This pack's lasted me six days Wow That's pretty good. That's really good. It's about to run out now, actually, but I've got my Nicorette, so we're all G.

1:31Keyzie:So you're tapering? I am tapering quite a lot.

1:33Mike Minogue:Hell yeah, man. Mate, he's not far away. We've still got 13 days. Look at that old Keezy. He's eaten it up, man. He's eaten it up.

1:39Keyzie:I am not going to let you down, Keezy. Thanks, man.

1:42Mike Minogue:I believe in you, man. I am going to fucking. Where is he?

1:45Keyzie:I am going to nail this, man. Thank you. I feel so good.

1:49Mike Minogue:Yeah, good. I know. The good thing about this time is. It's different. It's different from the last times. It's like battered wives syndrome. You know, this time will be different. And it's going to be different because he's saying all the right things. He is saying all the right things. And the thing is, Keezy, like a battered wife, you love him. Oh, yeah. You believe in his ability to change despite all the evidence to the contrary. True, true. I'm not a battered wife, am I, Jase? Shut up.

2:15Keyzie:Nah, Keezy, it's all going to be good, man. Me and you, we're going to be rolling in the cash. I guess the issue that I've got, the hill that I've got, the mountain really that I've got to climb, is that you're a pathological liar. So we need to determine, I think there needs to be a blood test actually. Sure. To determine that although you're going to be on your patches, which I'm happy with, I'm fine with a patch. No, I think we can trust Jase's word. I never said I was going to be on patches. Not a bad idea though, Moggy. Though I did find that the patches made me itchy. That's right, sorry.

2:51Keyzie:I've got the Nicorette. Yeah.

2:52Mike Minogue:So, because last time he admitted to having a dart and had to shout us a curry night, remember? Oh, yeah. He admitted to having half a dart like two days after starting. He admitted it. That's right. So we can trust you, right? Yeah, totally, man. I mean, we can't because he lied to us last time. He lied through his teeth. Day after day after day. Yeah. Without the vaping. So I think his wife, who has recently quit her job, so will have more free time to sort of keep an eye on him. There's going to be a lot of lovemaking going on. Sure there is, man. Sure there is. Just you. But I'm sure she'd keep an eye on you.

3:24Oh, yeah, no, I trust her. Totally. She said a lot of things about you which you deny, and I believe them completely. 100 % I believe. Is that what you felt? Yeah, 100%.

3:33Keyzie:She is very trustworthy. Just quietly, fellas. Despite the line. She's got a dark side, I'll tell you. Look at this. Trying to carry favour with the fellas by chucking his wife under the bus.

3:45Mike Minogue:Yeah, man, he'll sell out his number one supporter. I like it. No, I believe her. I also think if we were to call her on the show once a week and just check in, hey, have you noticed Jase vaping at all? That's a great idea. I reckon she loved it. But the trouble is, Jase, a month is such a long time, isn't it? Not really. You just take it a day at a time, maybe. That's what you said when you were still vaping. That was the lie that you were telling me. Because I remember saying to you, so what's your secret when the devil creeps into your head and starts saying to you, go on, man, just have one.

4:14What do you do? And you said you looked me dead in the eye. Day at a time. It was an incredible piece. He said, I just wait it out. I go for a little walk around, and if I just forget a bit, if I give it five minutes, another thought will pop into my head. That's true. And all that time, Jase, sucking it hard.

4:30Mike Minogue:Yeah, that was when he was lying. Unreal. It was an incredible line.

4:33Keyzie:Can I just say that I did give up for four months everything. Everything. When was this? About a year and a half, two years ago. 100%, and I was so happy. And four months I gave up for, and that's what I did. I knew the way my brain works. I just need to go and do something else and I'll forget that I wanted one. My point is not whether you can give up or not in this instance. My point was you lying to my face. Oh, yeah, totally.

5:04Mike Minogue:So when you gave up for four and a half months, do you remember? Was that when you and I gave up? Yeah. That's both of them. Do you remember feeling way better? Not especially.

5:18Mike Minogue:On Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show Podcast. Can I say that you're right about the phlegm? So when you give up, you can smoke and the phlegm is fine, but when you stop smoking really weirdly, then your body starts clearing it. Oh, really? Your lungs start getting cleared. For a while? For quite a while, depending on how long you've smoked.

5:36Keyzie:And it's funny, you know, like there's some smokers, like my... But you're a different smoker to me because I did get the smoker's cough and you never had one. I've never had it. I'm almost grateful that I've got it because it's a sort of a sign that it's disgusting. And then my wife hears it and she thinks it's fucked. But I know people that, you know, they'd get up in the morning and just be hacking their lungs out.

5:57Mike Minogue:And the thing is, though, Jase, that could be you one day. Could be me. Well, it would have been by now. You would have thought.

6:04Keyzie:I'm almost tempted, you know. Because how long has it been? You would have been 13 or 14 when you first sparked the data? Yeah, 14, 15.

6:14Mike Minogue:So how long has that been then?

6:15Keyzie:but like 24, 25 years, Gizzi. God. But when I say that, that's like one day a day. Yeah, that's right. It's not proper smoking. When I started as a teenager, I couldn't smoke when it was hot. I couldn't believe that people smoke like other kids smoke when it was hot. It's like, fuck, it's too hot to smoke. Whereas now. And then you just smoke the rituals away. You push through that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, what I could do is I could just call it now. I could just finish this one and just go, all right. Yeah. But I won't. No, of course you won't. But I mean, I might. I might. No, you won't. We'll see how we go.

6:55I believe in you, Jase. Thanks, man. It's so good. It's like having a dog. Yeah, a really dumb dog who's so loyal. Yeah, yeah, that's right. You come home and he's wagging his tail. It's like takes a kicking and just keeps on coming back.

7:09Mike Minogue:No, what it is is Jase is holding a ball and he keeps pretending he's throwing it. That's exactly right. And I just keep believing it. That's right. Where is it? Where is it? Ah, it's in your hand, you sneaky bastard. Yeah, but this time he's going to throw it.

7:22Keyzie:And you sprint off down the beach there and it's like, oh, oh, where's the ball? Where's the ball? You turn around and Jase is fucking wrapping his gob around a dart. I didn't know he was going to say that.

7:34Mike Minogue:But one day he would throw it, man. I know he will. I'm going to have to.

7:36Keyzie:It's difficult, Jase. I'm going to have to. Yeah, I know it's difficult. It's going to be a challenge. Can I say it's the hardest thing in the world? Yeah. Certainly to give up. Yes. I don't crave the piss. It's the cigarettes at the moment. Yes. That are giving me. True that. I mean, the great Barry Humphreys, you know, who was a ferocious alcoholic, Dame Edna, ferocious alcoholic. And, you know, that was the thing for him, that he found by far the hardest thing to give up was the dance. It's unreal. Sean Penn has just embraced it. Yeah, he's just gone, yeah, fuck it, I love it, I'm just going to do it.

8:10Yeah, he said, and this is the kind of way that you can talk to yourself to make yourself believe anything. He said, I've gone with the motto, find something that you love and let it kill you. Yes. Great, and that's how he justifies it. That's how he justifies smoking a couple of packs a day. He looks pretty good doing it, to be fair to all.

8:27Keyzie:Wow. Yeah, I mean, he's getting a bit for me. For a while, he's 65 or something. He's pretty fucking cool for a 65-year-old. He looks pretty fit. He's a wrinkly old bastard now, though. But my This is the guy that we were pretending

8:41Mike Minogue:Was Jase I have to find In one battle after another I have to find something else There's nothing else What about going for a walk with your new boots I do that anyway What about wearing the same hoodie every day for three weeks

8:56Keyzie:What I have started doing What I have started doing Is leaving it behind When I do go walking

9:03Mike Minogue:Why don't you leave it behind when you come to work

9:05Keyzie:I could do that That was the good thing About the lie you were telling Is that you were leaving it behind To continue the lie Oh no I was bringing it with me Were you? Yeah yeah Burning a hole in your pocket Like a fucking ring

9:16Mike Minogue:That can be a good start Like tapering into May One May to rule them all Yeah You start Leaving it at home But it is that thing though Isn't it? It's all or nothing So yeah It's not going to be You're not going to taper down You're not going to stick to tapering down You either have to give it up Or keep going That's right And so Leaving it Yeah you just won't do it

9:34Keyzie:It's going to be hardcore, Keezy, but we'll get there, mate. Oh, look, the moods are going to be good. Oh, God. What we should do as well for content is do a diary. Yes. They have you doing a diary about how you're finding it because it's like a lost love. It is. It's a muse.