OUTRO: A Jizzbot With A Dream

5:39Mike Minogue:Yeah and when I walked back from your work to this place After doing my gaming podcast ECG Yeah, Extremely Casual Gamers. So good, man. If you haven't listened to that. Well, actually, Jase, I kind of won. We won Best Entertainment Podcast of the United States. I know. You don't need to tell me.

5:51Keyzie:We've got the whole country, man. Did I not congratulate you on that? I don't think so. Yes, I sent. That's awesome. I sent you a little message.

5:59Mike Minogue:Yeah, but you were taking the piss, though.

6:01Keyzie:Why would I take the piss? Because you always do. I love Extra Cool Gamers podcast. I think you should have called him for that. Yeah, I should have. That's a phone call. But I was in a meeting when I noticed it. Unlikely. So I had to just message it.

6:18Mike Minogue:But yeah, so between leaving the podcast and walking to here, there is a big food court called Commercial Bay in Auckland with all these different options. And I walked around the whole thing today and looked for different meals. Yeah. And I still got the fucking same thing I always get because it's so delicious. Because you know what you're getting, don't you? I was going to go there the other night because I had to go from here and I had to go into work after being here. Last night, wasn't it? Oh, was that last one? No, a night before, I think. Night before. Oh, yeah. Because yesterday the office was a mess.

6:44Anyway, I was like, oh, maybe I'll stop off and get some dumplings for old Moogie for dinner. But then I remembered I had bagels and eggs in the office, so I didn't. Yeah, nice. I'm trying not to just go around just spending money, you know? Yeah, sure. Sure, man. I've just got so much of it. Oh, that's true, because you've got your ditch cash.

7:00Keyzie:I did actually wonder that, that you buy them so often that you've got, you must have heaps of cash. I mean, you give me shit about having heaps of cash. But you do have heaps of cash. I'm not buying 15 dumplings every day.

7:12Mike Minogue:Because while I'm walking around the city looking for dumplings, you're walking around the city looking for investment opportunities. You just said. $250 a week. You can make that back, Jase.

7:22Keyzie:This is what I'm thinking, though. Here we go. This is what I'm thinking. Both my wife and I. But it's one of those places that's kind of a little bit out of the way. So I don't know that they've got the foot traffic. That's the problem. It's the foot traffic we would worry about. But people will travel for a good toasty. Yeah, true. Yeah, I'm going to go out of my way for a toasty.

7:40Mike Minogue:See, I don't even know the food court you're talking about.

7:43Keyzie:It's right up. You know where the classic comedy in bar is? Yes. It's directly across the – diagonally across the road. I know, yeah. Yeah, right. Probably not a great spot. By that Korean place. Yeah, yeah, I know the one. Yes. Not a great spot. No, it's not. But then my wife and I will – By the prices, right? A lot of apartments around here, so maybe they'd have, you know, a lot of student apartments and stuff.

8:06Mike Minogue:You know what students can't make in their own apartments? Toasted sandwiches It's true You need to be around Offices for that Because your hours Would be buggered Yeah Well I'd hire someone Because the students Are all at school They're not in there

8:18Keyzie:Yeah You could hire a student Although there is A university Just around the corner But also I mean It couldn't be a food thing It would It needs to be Oh okay Well we'll just It needs to be We've just been talking About it for 10 minutes I thought And you said toasties So I thought No well that's our dream But It needs to be like Your dream is toasties Like Pokemon cards. Yeah, one card. Something like that kind of, you know, or posters or something. Or photo boozies, you know, nudes. Yeah, nudes.

8:47Mike Minogue:So you're going to buy a shop and then stock it with something you know nothing about. In fact, I don't even know if you heard the sentence, Pokemon card, until I said it yesterday on the show. You should just get that one that that guy had. That Logan Paul had. And wait for it.

8:59Keyzie:Maybe, I mean, it could be like, you know, porn magazines. I think so. That'd be good. Yeah.

9:06Mike Minogue:Because that's not something people can just get for free straight away easily on the internet. But it'll give Joe something to do while he waits for the business to go under. So every time he hands all the monthly transactions to his accountant and they're just like, why are you the number one customer? I tell you what, people wouldn't mind a little bit of stick mag action. Just good old-fashioned porn.

9:28Keyzie:Yeah, Penthouse, you Mayfair, you Hustler. I don't even think Hustler. No. They were a bit hardcore. Yeah, they were. It took all the joy out of it, I thought. Yes.

9:38Mike Minogue:I like the ones where they're just sort of standing provocatively. I don't like the ones where it's like... Let's say they were in a construction helmet, they were in a tool belt, but nothing else. Is that what you like, Keezy, is it? And then like... Have they got boots on? A sledgehammer over the shoulder, you know? Like they mean business, but they're only really... Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't really do any kind of building when you've got your buzzies out. You could. Yeah, you probably could. Who am I to say you can't? But I'd prefer that kind of stick mag. Or their, should say, to be, you know, or their penis is out.

10:13Oh. Because, you know.

10:14Mike Minogue:Yeah, sure. You have to sell all of them. But, like, oh, my God, why don't you sell toasties and stick mags? I'll tell you what. Jase, if it was you selling them. Yes. And you promoted it in that way, you would make a fucking fortune. Toasties and stick mags. The amount of 23-year-olds that you would have. And the trick here is, of course, is what you do is that you, in the same way that you would wrap fish and chips in a newspaper, you wrap the toasted sandwiches in a centrefold or a stick mag page.

10:49Keyzie:I'm telling you what. There's only one. Yeah, I know. It would go off. That would be funny. I just don't know that my wife would be into it. You know what I'm saying? You guys have been married for long enough.

11:03Mike Minogue:Yeah, you've got to cut her loose, man. What better time to get rid of her than on your anniversary? Yeah. Imagine this. You have a discussion.

11:10Keyzie:You're just one little fella with a dream. We had a shocker of an anniversary. Neither of us did anything.

11:16Mike Minogue:On the show, please. There's nothing wrong with it. You guys never do that.

11:18Keyzie:No. Well, my wife does. She was a bit ashamed of herself, and I was like, it's all right, darling.

11:23Mike Minogue:But if you say to her, look. I'll be fine. I want to end things because I'm a go-getter, and I'm trying to chase a dream, and you're holding me back. Yeah. And then she says, what's the dream? And then you say, a toasted sandwich and porno butter. It's good

11:35Keyzie:It's good eh Yeah I reckon it's great Toasties and stick mags What about this It's a glory hole And you stand up It's sort of like a breakfast bar thing And you're there Jase Yes And I go in there and I get the sandwich And I can eat my toasted sandwich At the same time as I'm using the glory hole And Horty J is just He is as busy as a fucking beaver He's making toasted sandwiches And he's jacking off the punters

12:09Mike Minogue:Sorry Sinead Oh Sinead Maybe it could just be

12:14Keyzie:I'm selling toasties And people can peruse stick mags While they're eating them Yeah they can be on the bar I feel like wrapping them up Anyway it's got to be Honestly though it would make a killing It would The funny thing is it would People would turn up for that You think about our fans.

12:34Mike Minogue:Yeah, but after they've gone to see Hoardy Jane and get a toasted sandwich and a stick mag. As long as it, now this is the thing. The novelty gets people through the door the first time, but the quality of the toasted sandwich and the stick mags will keep them coming back. Right, so you're going to need that construction helmet, sledgehammer, buzzy situation.

12:49Keyzie:All of the stick mags will be in plastic sheaths. You know, they'll be in mint condition. And you can just wipe them down.

12:56Mike Minogue:Sorry, Sinead. Sorry, Sinead. Listen to The Big Show, 4 to 7 weekdays on Radio Hauraki.