OUTRO: Absoutle Weapon

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0:15Keyzie:That's correct. Hey guys. You know it. I keep getting these stabbing pains in my head at the moment. Probably an aneurysm. I think so. Whereabouts? Just in the back of my head. Just in the back of his head, man. shooting pain in my head. Yeah, that's no good, man. I just went out to a kidney specialist because of my polycystic kidney diseases. Yes. I've got a liver the size of, I don't know, our honkers combined. Wow. That big. It's like triple size or something, isn't it? It's huge, yeah. So it goes, it should sit on, as you look down, it should be sitting underneath your right nipple, but mine goes right the way across and is also underneath my left nipple.

0:53And she's saying that if it starts affecting your appetite because it can squeeze your stomach, then they just cut a big chunk of it out. So that's good. It's good to know that that can happen.

1:03Keyzie:Well, and obviously you've got a backbone liver to tackle the piss. Yeah, that's right. You know what I mean? That's exactly what I've got. I think my liver would just be a leather strap. Don't know. I think the polycystic kidney disease spread to the liver, so now that's polycystic. So that's a disease. That's a disease. Is it caused by getting on the piss or anything like that? No, it's genetic. It's a genetic deficiency. I'm a mutant. You've heard of the X-Men? Yeah. You're one of those. I'm like that but a loser. Right. So what's your power? I'll live shorter life. Oh, wow. I'll go on dialysis.

1:36No, I've actually got a pretty good form of it where I won't have to go on dialysis. So that's good. Yeah. Dialysis sucks. Oh, well, yeah. It doesn't look great. Although me and Jonah Lomu, that's another thing we've got in common. And then I've got to get an MRI scan because often you can, if you've got this, you can get aneurysms. Right. You can have a narrow thing in your brain. So she goes, but if she said, have you got any history of that in your family? I was like, no, as far as I know, but I didn't really know my dad's side. She goes, I don't think we need to do it. I was like, let's do it.

2:11Let's do it. Just so that I'm not lying awake in bed thinking I'm going to have an aneurysm. So let's just do that. Yes. We're still going to do that.

2:17Mike Minogue:Yeah, like even mentioning that that could possibly be a thing, I would 100 % check that. I would like to check that. I'd flag it. Yeah, you know what I mean?

2:24Keyzie:I go, oh, look, she'll be fine. Yeah, living in bliss. Yeah. Stressed out as. And then just. What? Lights out. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, but you'd probably be a vegetable, I reckon, for a while. You know, like your mouth ajar and just drool coming out. Someone having to wipe you down.

2:44Mike Minogue:We're still wheeling into the studio, Jason. You'll still be able to go. Hoodie dribble. And all you can say is Malab Malab Backbone

2:57Keyzie:Eyes to the front, Maggie Fuck sorry What are you doing for a crust? Shocking Backbone How are we going anyway, fellas Apart from your cystic Vibrosis Your cystic What is it? Polycystic kidneys Polycystic kidneys Other than that, I'm tip top

3:15Mike Minogue:I had that thing, Jase That you've talked about before Where you've got a tradie round Yes And so you're trying to look like you're not doing fuck all. Yeah. Because at the moment, I've done all the jobs around my house that needs doing. Old job. I had a big list of things. I've done them all. And the last one was this particular job, which he's doing. Yes. And so I'm just sort of spent a lot of time on my laptop, sitting at the kitchen table there, just doing all sorts of stupid shit. And then just decided to draw the curtains for the last couple of hours and just watch telly.

3:47Keyzie:and it's the drawing of curtains that's really sus, you know what I mean? They think, God, are they thinking I'm beating off? Well, I've got tradies over as well today, so. I had a tradie over at New Authors today. It's tradie day today. The giveaway was, you know, and you're like, oh, shit. And that was when you flick on Instagram and the volume's on. It's a little telltale sign that you're doing fuck all. Doing fuck all, yeah. I told you guys when I was getting the roof done, and we've got like on our lounge just a really small little deck right next to our French doors on our lounge. Yeah. And the feelers when they were doing the roof and there were six of them at various points would have their smokos on that little deck.

4:28Keyzie:And so I'd be sitting in my lounge and about three or four or five feet away would be these six tradies having darries and having their smoko and I'd be on my couch watching a bit of, you know, investigation. Sally, Jesse, Raphael. Raphael or something. But you do, you go, fucking hell. I can't be doing this shit. I've got to go and look as though I'm doing shit.

4:53Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. I've got this issue where the tradie that's at my place is, if I had to guess, I would say Argentinian. Oh. Really nice guy. His name's Rodrigo. but he's very much the worker and I've been dealing with the manager, right? Right. The manager comes along, have a good yarn with him, really nice, and then Rodrigo has a yarn with him and their native tongue, and then... Si! There's a lot of that, yeah. Si, si! Less of that. Less of that. But I've got the feeling that Rodrigo is a bit grumpy. Oh, really? And he's probably my age, you know, but I've got the feeling he's fucked off about something.

5:36Mike Minogue:Right. Because every time I talk to him, he's really fucked off. and I'm like, but it could be a language thing. It could be like a cultures thing. So I do this often anyway. Actually, that's a lie. I never have. But I was like, maybe if I've got a few Coke Zeros in the fridge, cans. And I was looking in the fridge and I was making myself coffee. I was like, why don't I go offer him a Coke Zero? Maybe that'll help. So I go out there and he's like, oh, sorry. He comes in and waves me down and he's like, hey, man, because of the weather, this isn't dried in time. I'm going to have to come back tomorrow.

6:05Mike Minogue:I'm like really fucked off about it. and I'm like oh bro it's all good it's all good it's all good and I was like anyway I thought you might want a drink so here's a coke he's like oh thank you so much sir thank you called you sir did he? he called me sir yeah senor takes his glove off cracks into it has a big drink and he goes so anyway yeah man like this isn't it's like I'm gonna have to fucking come back like not swearing but like really agitated yeah and I was just like fucking hell what is going on here then he had a sugar rush and he was off to the races because I'm crazy Coke Zero

6:35Keyzie:I do that all the time If there's like If there are It's like when we got our one suite Don't I make the fellas coffee all the time Oh yeah Because we got the old coffee machine there And it's good to Create a harmonious Situation where people go This guy's a good bastard I'm going to work hard for him What a loser I thought

6:54Mike Minogue:You know that absolute weapon of a bloke That walks past every now and then Yes Oh yes He was about to walk past And so I was like Just brace yourselves there fellas Yeah here we go Yeah There's a guy that walks past is like the biggest weapon you could ever imagine. Yeah, he is. I don't even want to describe it. He's a unique individual. Yeah. You don't want to get him back to him. I've never seen one of him before. None either. Maybe in the movies. No, no, nothing like that. Nothing like that? Absolutely not, not with a head on it. No, I've never seen that. I like to think about what people are picturing right now listening to you because he's an absolute specimen.

7:28He is a specimen. He's an absolute species.

7:31Keyzie:But there is, but also for me, like just getting back to tradie chat. Oh, yeah. There's something I find quite reassuring about. Having a man around. Yeah, having a man around the house doing shit. Yeah. Well, you know, just fixing stuff. There's something gratifying about that. About paying other people to do stuff for you. Oh, you know, I used to feel slightly emasculated by it. But now I'm like, yeah, fucking great, man. Fix it up.

7:57Mike Minogue:But also it's a skill thing. It's nothing to do with being a man. Exactly. Well, some jobs, sure, you could probably do yourself, but some of them are like, I don't actually have the skills to do a good job of this. I'm going to make it look shit.

8:07Keyzie:Well, as I was saying before, Kesey, I was taking out stumps this morning, and then I had to take my daughter into fucking Manukau. Manukau. Yeah, okay, whatever.

8:20Keyzie:It's just fucking shit, man. Stumps. Why doesn't she get a driver's license? She's in the process thereof, yes.

8:29Mike Minogue:I would love to watch you giving her a lesson.

8:31Keyzie:I tell you what, man, there is nothing more terrifying than when you're, I mean, in my case, your daughters get their driver's licence and they go, thanks, can I borrow the car, bye. It is the fucking most terrifying thing in the world and you just sit there while they drive off going, oh, fuck. Yeah. You know what I mean? Fucking hell. I'd rather that than have her driven by some fucking idiot that drives too fast or gets pissed. Yeah, well, yeah, true. I far prefer that.

9:01Mike Minogue:Yeah. But I mean, as long as their teacher was a good driver, you know what I mean? As long as you know that she's driving off with the best possible driving education.

9:12Keyzie:True story. Their teacher is my wife, not me. All right. They won't drive in the car with me. No.

9:17Mike Minogue:Because I'm like. Because you want to sit on their lap and stare, right? Yes. Actually, yes. When we play golf with Jase and you hit it even a fraction, not straight, he goes, oh, and he just cannot stop doing it. You'd be playing with a stranger. So you can imagine in a round with Keezy,

9:35Keyzie:I'm doing it constantly. Yeah.

9:37Mike Minogue:Fuck it, ah. So it's complete strangers teeing off in front of us. We're waiting to use the tee box next, right? And if one of them shanks it, Jase will go, oh, like that, and they'll turn around and be like, what the fuck?

9:51Keyzie:Have a couple of slugs of that tequila there, Mogey. I don't know why that's sitting there. Yeah, I don't, yep. It's turned into a pigsty again, this fucking place. Who knows? Yeah. That's the thing, man. Who knows? What the fuck is this now? What, have you got a text? I've got a text. What's the sages? Oh, no, Pugs has just posted that fucking video of me in the meeting. Do you have your notifications on for Instagram? Yeah. Fuck that.

10:19Mike Minogue:What if you get tagged in something? I could give a shit. Yeah, but you're the man, though. I just leave it off because otherwise you're constantly on it.

10:25Keyzie:Yeah, right. No, I very rarely go on Instagram. Oh, yeah. No, seriously, I would spend, I don't even look at our stuff, three minutes on it maybe in a day.

10:36Mike Minogue:That's good, actually. I've been limiting myself massively as well. Well, it's just that I. You have been by hanging out with us.

10:41Keyzie:I just find Instagram just not very engaging. Sure.

10:46Mike Minogue:What a weapon.

10:47Keyzie:Thanks, man.

10:48Mike Minogue:Not enough buzzies. Hey.

10:50Keyzie:Oh, there's plenty of buzzies.

10:51Mike Minogue:Listen to the big show. On his stream. Are you kidding me? 4-7 weekdays on Radio Harducki. How about a pussy, though, cool?