In short
The hosts riff on listener feedback from Dublin, then spiral through explicit hypotheticals (sexual/ejaculate scenarios), food-quantity obsession (counting dumpling “mouthfuls”), and a “did I cause that mess?” guilt/anxiety example. They end with a jail/desert-island “top half vs bottom half fish” would-you-rather.
Guests
No formal guests. Mentioned listeners: Hannah (Irish, on maternity leave in Dublin; works in health/public sector finance/operations; found the show via Taskmaster NZ). Team members named: Freddie, Mark, Hannah, and a new graduate Sinead (Irish name; sensitive to the previous hypothetical).
Key claims
Taskmaster NZ leads Hannah to the Matt and Jerry show and then Big Show; Sinead was upset by a prior “older self” hypothetical; Jase counts dumpling bites to maximize pleasure; one host assumes responsibility for office mess even when “clearly” not responsible.
Notable examples
“one giant sperm” hypothetical; “beaten to death by your own massive spoof”; eating 15 dumplings in two bites each; cleaning smashed glass because he fears others think he did it; fish top-half/bottom-half choice for jail/desert island.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOListener Feedback from Ireland
0:15 to 1:18
The hosts discuss feedback from a listener in Ireland who enjoys their show.
“Guys, did we get any feedback on you today's body?”
Controversial Discussion Recap
1:18 to 3:48
Conversation about a past controversial topic and its impact on a listener named Sinead.
“They work in health, public sector and the health service working in finance and operations.”
Hypothetical Questions and Food Challenges
3:48 to 7:12
The hosts explore silly hypothetical scenarios and discuss food challenges.
“Don't say vacuous, which means dumb, doesn't it?”
Self-Reflection and Responsibility
7:12 to 11:40
A candid conversation about personal responsibility and mental health.
“as I ate I was like damn only 26 mouthfuls left.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Keyzie:For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok or Raw Doggy.
0:11Mike Minogue:4 to 7 every weekday on Radio Horeke. G'day fellas. Guys, did we get any feedback on you today's body? I don't think so, not that I read. I got some direct feedback about it. From who? From Hannah. She's Irish. Okay. She lives in Ireland. Right. I said, are you married to a Kiwi guy? Nah. So she's here? Nah. She's in Dublin. She messaged you online? She messaged me on the old Insta there. She's on mat leave at the moment, Jase. What leave? Maternity. Oh, right. She's having another sprog. And she found us because they're big fans of, or she is, a big fan of Taskmaster. Right. And somebody put her onto the New Zealand Taskmaster.
0:54Mike Minogue:Which apparently, and I used to be a big fan of Taskmaster, I'm a bit sick of it now, but apparently the New Zealand ones go really, really well comparatively. Well, she was a fan and from there she found the Matt and Jerry show and from the Matt and Jerry show they found the big show and now they listen to the big show in their office in Dublin. Wow. Everyone in the office is Irish. Right. No Kiwis in there. And they listen to our show. Not the outro. And the outro. Oh, God. And they work in, what do they work in? They work in health, public sector and the health service working in finance and operations.
1:30The team is Freddie, Mark, her name is Hannah. Now, you tell me how you say this name.
1:38Keyzie:Yeah, it's going to be a classic Irish name, isn't it? There's going to be a few of them. A-O-I-F-E. A-O-I-F. I think E. E. E. E. E. E. I think that's E. E. E. E. E-O-G-H-A-I-N.
1:55Mike Minogue:E-O-G-H-A. Owen. No, E-O-G-H-A-I-N, yes. Yeah, Owen. Owen, yeah. Yeah, that's good. Well done, Casey. S-O-R-C-H-A. S-O-R. I think it might be like, because it's Saoirse, isn't it? Saoirse Ronan. Saoirse. But that's S-A-I-O-R-S-E. I think that's, yeah. Saoirse. Saoirse. Saoirse. Saoirse's stone. Yep. And then C-A-O-L-Weird-A-N. Colin. Colin. Yeah, that's Colin. And then they've got this new graduate called Sinead. Now, apparently this is the message that came through last night at midnight. Apparently the podcast this morning broke Sinead's sensitivities in our office. I'm currently on mat leave, so I missed it.
2:44But I was thinking, well, how weird could it be? Yeah, fucking weird.
2:51Keyzie:Like I said yesterday, fellas. So I apologise, Sinead. Yeah. It did my head in that conversation yesterday. It did my fucking head in. What do you mean? It was making your head hurt. It was just like, what? But in what way, what? I don't know. It was just like, there was just something about it that just, it didn't bug me, but it was just like, we're talking about going back as our oldest house and beating our younger selves off. I was like, is that what we're talking about? The age gap isn't as important. Don't make it predatory. Yeah, Jase. That's what Sinead's upset about. I don't want to go there again.
3:31That's the best chat we've had in ages. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
3:34Mike Minogue:It was just an interesting, and I'm sorry that Sinead couldn't be adult enough to just see it for the question that it was. I'm with Sinead on this.
3:42Keyzie:It wasn't interesting at all. It was.
3:44Mike Minogue:It was an interesting discussion.
3:46Keyzie:Vacuous and unnecessary.
3:48Mike Minogue:Don't say vacuous, which means dumb, doesn't it? Well, yeah, kind of.
3:54Keyzie:No, not, yes, dumb. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
3:56Mike Minogue:Because I'm vacuous, it means I don't, I'm dumb. You're a bit of a deer brain. Yeah, right. Do you want another hypothetical question? No. Go on, what have you got? Would you still have a go at yourself
4:11Mike Minogue:if when you got to completion, one giant sperm came out. I've heard this one before, yeah. And you had to fight it afterwards. But it was like the size of, I don't know, like a fish that's like, I don't know, 10 centimetres long and it comes out and it's really aggressive. And what's my other option? Not doing it at all. You've got to have two options. No, I wouldn't do it. I would be out.
4:38Keyzie:I'm out of this conversation.
4:39Mike Minogue:Jase, man, come on. We used to have fun on this show, man.
4:42Keyzie:I'm now talking about wrestling with my own ejaculate. All right? I draw the line, man. Imagine if you got beaten to death by your own massive spoof. God.
4:54Mike Minogue:The Hauraki Big Show, weekdays from four on Radio Hauraki. The Hauraki Big Show podcast. Jase, okay, sorry. No. I personally feel bad for Sinead now. You see, I feel fatigued already now.
5:08Keyzie:Just that.
5:08Mike Minogue:Actually, just on that. So, Jace, you ate 15 dumplings the other day, and you were like, oh, my God, I'm so massive, right?
5:15Keyzie:Yes, I've never done that before.
5:17Mike Minogue:So I just ate 15 of the same dumplings, and I was like, I reckon I could go 20.
5:21Keyzie:Right.
5:23Mike Minogue:20. Is 20 too much for one sitting?
5:24Keyzie:Well, like I said to you, I reckon you should enter those massive food eating comps where they have restaurants around the place, and they have a challenge, the food challenge, and you've got to eat a huge amount of food in, like, 30 minutes. and then they give it to you for free. I could eat 20 as well, but why would you? I don't know, yummy? No, not yummy though because you're too full. It was yummy though. How did you eat 20 today?
5:48Mike Minogue:No, I ate 15 and as I was eating them, I was eating them in two bites, right, these dumplings, and I was like, this is going way too fast. I'm going to start eating them in three bites to get the most out of it. Yeah, yeah. Take your time. You've got to slow down.
6:00Keyzie:I slow right down. That is disgusting. What? Two bites, they say you should chew your food 30 times.
6:07Mike Minogue:No, no, no, no, no.
6:08Keyzie:No, you've completely misunderstood the question. You mean you bite it in half? Half a dumpling.
6:13Mike Minogue:Whereas I thought traditionally maybe a dumpling was just one mouthful. Not that I do eat them like that, but I was consciously biting them in two mouthfuls and then I went to three mouthfuls to really drag out the pleasure and then I was like, why don't I just get 20?
6:25Keyzie:I reckon you could fit quite a bit in your mouth. It's quite a big mouth. I mean, I reckon you'd easily stuff three dumplings in there at a time, Gizy, if you tried. Keezy and a spring roll
6:40Mike Minogue:and a spring roll two dumplings and a spring roll Jase you were disgusting someone please think of Sinead on the other side of the world sorry Sinead and her sensibilities ruined
6:51Keyzie:yeah no that's how I halve them
6:53Mike Minogue:you do you halve them yes genuinely my brain was like as I opened it and I stirred around all the sauce and I was like this is so great look how many dumplings I've got and then I was like I've only got 30 mouthfuls here because there's 15 dumplings two bites of each and they are delicious but I've only got 30 mouthfuls. I think you think about it too much. Yeah I know and I was counting them down as I ate I was like damn only 26 mouthfuls left. There's something wrong with you. You reckon? Yeah I think you need to see a therapist. I've never thought about it in terms of this is how but I guess if you love something sure.
7:21Was anybody with you or were you alone? You know what it sounds like? It sounds like you were stoned. That's the kind of thing you'd think if you were stoned.
7:28Keyzie:Fair point. Yeah I've only got 30 bites here. Maybe if I had three bites then I'll have 60. I have 45. I had a thing happen to me the other day, fellas, and afterwards I went, I need help. Seriously, I'm not going to tell you what it was. Can you tell us what it was? But it was something happened and then I, as I do, immediately assumed responsibility for it and had nothing to do with me. And I went, what the fuck is my brain doing? What would be an example, which is not the example that you're talking about? So like if someone broke something. Yeah. So someone, if I came into the office. Yeah.
8:15Keyzie:Effing and jeffing. Sign your head off.
Read the full transcript
8:17Mike Minogue:And this is serious. Sorry. When you came in, was it one giant ejaculate or billions of little ones?
8:23Keyzie:Billions of little ejaculates. And this is why I went, geez, I've got a problem here. Yeah. If I came into the office, right?
8:32Mike Minogue:Yeah. With your sofa.
8:33Keyzie:And there was no one in the office and there was smashed glass all over the floor. Right. I would go, fuck, did I do that? Yeah. Really? This is like when you go into the toilet and you see shit all over the toilet, eh? And then you clean it up because you're worried that somebody will think it was you. I often do things kind of like that because I don't want people to think I did that, so I'll sort it out.
8:56Mike Minogue:But you happily leave all your rubbish and glasses in here every night. Yeah, that's weird. It's one of the things you are responsible for. You could give a fuck about. But the things you aren't responsible for, you care about.
9:05Keyzie:I keep my goddamn glass out every day. Sure, man. But you know what I mean? I mean, it's fucked up. And it's like, clearly I didn't do that. And I'm not joking. For two hours, I'll go, fuck, did I do that? Yeah, no, there's something wrong with you. That is bad. Wow, that's weird. But then when you get that piece of paper up, you throw it at Pugs, or you throw it over my way, and then you just leave it there. And it's like, you did do that. How does those two things connect when you don't give a shit? Well, they connect in the sense that they don't disturb me because I know I did that. Oh, yeah, true.
9:36Keyzie:That's true. But this is like creating a situation where it's nothing to do with me and yet I'm somehow taking it all on that I did it. You know what that is?
9:48Mike Minogue:The big C? The big C. That's shocking. I was going to say early onset dementia. Oh, the big C. Possibly. But to be fair, it's not that early. Yeah, yeah, you're right. Okay, just quickly before we wrap up, here's a hypothetical. Oh, fucking hell. Here we go. If you were in jail and you had to eat it. With your future self. You're stuck on a desert island with a mermaid. Would you rather the top half or bottom half was a fish? Okay. What kind of fish? Any fish I want? No, let's just say it's a trout. Well, not a trout. Can I just say? The top half's been a woman. Yeah. Okay, and the bottom half been Aquaman.
10:29Keyzie:Okay, I see what you're doing there Now listen, by the way, correction We never used to do hypotheticals We used to do would you rather
10:38Mike Minogue:Yeah, yeah, yeah Is that the same? Kind of But this is just it Which one do you go for, Jase? The top half fish or bottom half fish?
10:46Keyzie:I'm not even playing this stupid game He would go for it What Jase would do to get his hands on a whole fish Given his years of unsuccessful fishing He'd go bottom and top half He'd go top and bottom fish Yes, and then I'd fill up the bastard. Sashimi it up.
11:04Mike Minogue:You're sick, man. Sorry about that, Sinead. I am.
11:08Keyzie:I just told you how sick I am.
11:11Mike Minogue:I don't know what to do with it.
11:12Keyzie:You're going to apologise to Sinead?
11:13Mike Minogue:I've lost my mind, I think. Yeah, I think so. I think there's something wrong with me because now I think I should be able to fix that somehow. The only guy in here who's got his head screwed on his old nose. Moggy G.
11:23Keyzie:You've got too much pork mince in your brain. That's what your problem is, Keezy. With all those dumplings.
11:30Mike Minogue:I actually tried the chicken ones. Oh, did you? And they were fucking good. Yeah, I had the chicken ones the other day too. He had 20 of them. I had 25 and I ate them all in one sitting. Yeah, you're the best. This is The Big Show, 4 to 7 weekdays. Radio, hoedongi.
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