OUTRO: Beating Off The Cops [R18]

0:00G'day guys, just a little disclaimer here, old, um, hoody J.

0:03Keyzie:No, I knew you were going to say that. I was going to say Mogi, Mogi's had a shocker. Look, don't listen to it with the kids around, alright? For all you mad bastards loving the Big Show podcast, get up even closer. On Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. Or Raw Dog It. 4 to 7 every weekday. On Radio Horeke. Oh, g'day fellas! Batman. Hello. Tuesday. I tell you what, fellas, a lot of dope smoking going on in the city today, walking up to work. By old Jace. By old Stoney. Old Stoneyhead Jace. That is such a good nickname. Stoneyhead. Boy, it's pungent. Just from pretty much the whole journey. But there's a bit of drama this morning on old Elliot Street.

0:56Keyzie:Right. Coming back from the supermarket. Always a bit of drama there. Yeah, there's a lot going on. Which is Elliott Street. You know where the supermarket is in town, the Countdown? Down Victoria. Oh, yes. The city mission is there, I believe. It just goes straight across. Yeah. It leads you on to sort of the square. And I was walking along there, done a bit of shopping, and the police van turned up. Six police officers got out of the van, and I went, ooh.

1:18Mike Minogue:And they went, Jase, Jase, get on the ground, get on the ground. Get on the ground, on the ground. Get on the ground, stony head. Stony head, fashion crime, those boots. Yeah, what's that? You're wearing your piece of shit. Boots.

1:28Keyzie:I wasn't wearing my boots. I was wearing my slip-ons. But anyway. So you're wrong there, Keezy. Your sketches. So there were like six of them, and I was like, oh, this, and it was, you know, the big police van. I thought, oh, maybe there's a ruckus going on. And I was walking along, and they all fanned out and went. There's a little sort of car park right next to Elliott Street, and they all fanned out into the car park. You know the one? Yes. And they were sort of looking around, and then, you know, one of the general public went, he's there. Pointed at you? No, pointed at this dude in the car park, and he was a pretty wild-looking fella, I've got to say.

2:07Did he have a case of the stony heads?

2:09Keyzie:Well, he may very well have.

2:11Mike Minogue:Did that guy see the public person point at him?

2:14Keyzie:No, he didn't see that, but as I walked along, I caught his eye, and there were six policemen converging on him, and he looked at me, and there was a moment where he saw all the cops, and I registered in his face, I'm fucked. Oh, no. Like, there's no way out of this. They cut off all the way and you could just see in his face, he was like, oh, fuck, I'm not getting out of this one. I'm going to have to get arrested. I didn't stay around to watch because, you know, it's not my place to do that, but just a little moment in the city for Jase. Just another city, city life adventure.

2:50Mike Minogue:Yeah. What do you reckon you would have done in that situation? How would you have got away from the cops?

2:55Keyzie:There was no escape.

2:57Mike Minogue:Was there a way he could have, as the cops were coming over, he could have climbed on a car and run and jumped past them? Why don't he just smack them all over?

3:02Keyzie:Well, he could have done that. He may very well have done that. We don't know. But these were six fit-looking dudes, and he was a pretty ragged-looking bastard. I reckon. So I don't see him taking out six fit cops. Yeah, okay. And they were really fit? They were fit. Were they fit? They were fit.

3:22Mike Minogue:That's so cool.

3:23Keyzie:They were well-built. they look like they're in top physical condition. Well, hang on.

3:27Mike Minogue:Mogi, you spend a lot of time on the CBD. How come you don't have these adventures? I don't spend a lot of time on the street, to be honest. I had one adventure with one homeless individual, but that was, yeah, I don't know.

3:41Keyzie:Was that the infamous pie scenario? Oh, there was that one, absolutely. But I mean more recently. No, I don't know. I don't spend as much time on the street. And to be fair, I think it's worse around where Jace is. Yes, yeah. That up our end. Without a doubt. Because you're up there. You're there a little bit. You wouldn't have any kind of misadventures.

3:56Mike Minogue:There's one guy outside your work almost daily with a guitar. Oh, really? Who just wanders in the traffic there. Oh, does he? He's a nice guy. I haven't seen him. Part of me is like, mate, are you just going to play the guitar or what? Because he doesn't actually play the guitar. Right. Because I'm like. Get a fucking skill, bro. You've got all day. Well, get a skill. That's not what I was thinking.

4:13Keyzie:You know, in fairness to him, I probably wouldn't be playing the guitar if I was crossing in traffic either, Keezy.

4:18Mike Minogue:But like, why bring the guitar down?

4:20Keyzie:Well, he probably goes. Well, he's got nowhere to put it. It's his house. Yeah. Yeah, he's in his house, man. The guy's a fucking snail, bro. That's really hard of you, Keezy. What? I mean, he probably sits there and strums his guitar and sings for the punters most of the day. Probably gets like seven bucks in coins. And you're dissing the guy.

4:39Mike Minogue:I'm not dissing. I'm just asking, like, play the guitar. And the only people that are sitting around and strumming is that guy that was outside your house. Remember that? He was strumming it hard. I don't know what I'd do if I looked out my window and there was just a guy there. Just join in, man. He was giving it death.

4:54Keyzie:What was surprising about that was the vigorous nature of what he was doing. Sometimes, man. I've never been like that.

5:00Mike Minogue:So he was like really getting after it.

5:02Keyzie:He was going hammer and tongs.

5:04Mike Minogue:Wow.

5:04Keyzie:Bless him.

5:05Mike Minogue:Like he was punishing himself almost. Yeah. You would have been in one of those drug-induced rages, hoity J, where you're hoiny as, you've got no outlet, and you're just giving it to yourself at sort of 9 o 'clock in the morning.

5:17Keyzie:Yeah, J, you must have. After an all-nighter. To be honest, I've never been a vigorous masturbator. Oh, you always take it easy on yourself, too. Yeah, I do. You're telling me that you're constantly putting yourself into doggy style when you masturbate, that that's your standard.

5:37Which is cruel.

5:38Mike Minogue:You're on all fours looking over your shoulder, you sicko. You need to look over your shoulder in case there are half a dozen fit cops coming at you because you're in the car park in the middle of the city. I reckon you could beat off all six of them to be fair Yeah you can beat them off bro, no worries

5:54Keyzie:Come on fellas Disclaimer

5:57Mike Minogue:Yeah disclaimer This is going on YouTube by the way People will be able to watch it as well The Horaki Big Show Weekdays from 4 On Radio Horaki The Horaki Big Show podcast

6:12Keyzie:It's good, I think I know Pretty much a lot of the people on the streets now. It's good. You don't know any of their names, though. I know a lot of their names. Oh, yeah. You don't know anybody's name here.

6:23Mike Minogue:Who are you? I mean, give me an example. Who's the guy producing for us right now? Wouldn't have a clue. That's Pug-san. Oh, is it? Oh, is that Pug-san? How did you go last night, Keezy? What time did you go to bed, man? Because you were hungover yesterday. My wife and I were watching Grand Designs New Zealand. Oh, yeah. Because I told her about the guy who wrote in about how his wife not only likes the host, but also liked the builder. And so then she was like, well, should we watch the latest episode and try and find the builder? Oh, God, that's not a good song. It was the wrong episode. The builder was like, nice fella.

6:56Mike Minogue:But yeah, it wasn't the same guy. But we watched the last 20 minutes of it in bed. Oh, yeah. Laptop. And I was asleep by like 9.30. How good? Fuck, it was good. Yeah. I was just like, man, I love my bed. What time did you wake up? 7.30. Sleep all the way through? Yeah. Wow. No, I woke up at three to go wheeze. Yes. Literally this morning my wife was like, when you go wheeze, you have to close the door when you leave. I was like, why? The toilet flush wakes me up, and also you did a fart last night, and that woke me up. And I was like, I don't even remember. I sort of like stagged out, went wheeze.

7:28Ripped ass.

7:29Mike Minogue:Ripped ass, obviously. Flush the toilet, then we're going to get a glass of water. I don't flush the toilet. We don't flush the toilet at night. No, neither do we. We flush in the morning. Unless we do a Grogan. Unless it's a massive steamer, yeah. I mean, it's going to sound weird, but I feel like my toilet's very quiet flushing. You know, it's not like a... It's not like a... But you wake your missus up, man. That's why she's having a go at you.

7:49Keyzie:She could hear, like, I think it was more me stirring. My wife said the very same thing to me a month ago. She said, can you shut the door when you do wheeze, please? Yeah. But not even when I'm getting up at night, just in general. Oftentimes... Because it echoes. Oh, I always shut the door open.

8:04Mike Minogue:Well, I do. It echoes because you're right in the centre of the water. You're a water aimer as well, yeah. You're disgusting, man. No, I'm not. You're a pig. You're a water aimer and you do that weird thing when you're beating off and you're on all fours.